GCPA Sidequests Part 5

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

This round starts off with Mt. Everest Trek, which was written in an AIM chat like most sidequests. Most of the others are written in a very different and new OGing method, with multiple writers working at one computer- either taking turns at the keyboard or funneling everything into one typist.

Mt. Everest Trek

by GORE-ILLA, That Krazy Dude, Salama, Lupine and Jebus on November 4, 2005

Note: The original version of the story was instead set in the Himalayas. The Himalayas are non-canon, but Mt. Everest isn't.

Que Pasa : We have to help Mr. Meyer climb Mt. Everest! Television brainwashed us into doing it.

That Krazy Dude: Yeah, as well as memorizing the Geico theme!

*Salama and Jebus catch up to Que Pasa, That Krazy Dude, Lupine, No Name, Frenchie and Mr. Meyer.*

That Krazy Dude: Now we have the Jebus!

Mr. Meyer: Come on, we'll be the first eight people from Hudson Country to climb the Mt. Everese! Just watch out for those 90 feet crevices!

*No Name slips and falls down a chasm*

*They're all climbing the Mt. Everest and guiding Mr. Meyer through the deadly snowstorm. The snowstorm is blinding. Then... then... um...*

Salama: *brings a Nintendo DS to Mt. Evereset*

*Suddenly they're attacked by a mountain goat.*

Que Pasa: *steals the Nintendo DS*

Salama: My DS!

*The goat eats the Nintendo DS and your mom.*

Que Pasa: NOOOO *starst wrestling with the goat*

*</nowikiGoat rips off fur to reveal bulging muscles, then freezes to death due to the extreme cold.* Que Pasa : That was a sad death. That Krazy Dude: Yes it was. Que Pasa: *drops a rose on the goat's body then forgets what just happened and eats it* Salama: My DS, you son of a bitch! That Krazy Dude: Sadder than Mr. Meyer's memory problems. Viva las Vivas! Salama: *uses alter power to become Kazuma the Shell Bullet and punches* Que Pasa: *pulls the DS from the goats stomach and uses it to block Salama's punch* Nintendo products- extremely durable! That Krazy Dude: Then why was your DS screen cracked last year? Salama: *uses Kazuma's second form* Shell Bullet Burst! That Krazy Dude: At least I think it was your's. Salama: No, mine is fine. That Krazy Dude: Not your's, idiot! Salama: Ph, who's? Que Pasa: I REFUSE TO ANSWER THAT QUESTION That Krazy Dude: Who else would have a DS in this chat? Salama: (me) That Krazy Dude: *cough* Que Pasa *cough* <nowiki>*The GCPA continues to climb the mountain. Suddenly they see The Rock floating above them while surrounded by a snowstorm.*

The Rock: Haha I have become the ultimate weather wizard!

That Krazy Dude: That's what you think!

Que Pasa: Go easy on him! He played Johnny Bravo!

Salama: He did?! Really??!?!?

That Krazy Dude: *gasp*

Que Pasa: Yes.

Salama: Fo' sho', damn... *punches The Rock with Shocking 1st Bullet*

That Krazy Dude: *throws a shovel at The Rock*

Salama: *tops it off with Annihilating Second Bullet*

The Rock: GAH! HOW DID YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS WAS TO BE HIT BY A SHOCKING FIRST BULLET FOLLOWED BY A SHOVEL>???!!! (explodes)

Salama: *finishes it with an Exterminating Last Bullet*

Que Pasa: Okay Salama, I think we got him.

*They continue on, leaving behind Lupine, Frenchie and Jebus's frozen bodies cuz they're not TALKING.*

Salama: Seeya, you ice pops! Que Pasa...this is your part to say something...

Mr. Meyer: We're out of food and supplies! (glares at Salama)

Salama: It wasn't meeee! Que Pasa: But we're only halfway up!

Salama: I was ownin The Rock!

Que Pasa: Your mom owns The Rock. Or something that rhymes with it OH

That Krazy Dude: Oh yeah, well I was owning your mom while she owned The Rock! And while you watched and cried!

Salama: ...Why would I eat supplies?

Que Pasa: Simple, you'd eat supplies if there was no food left!

Salama: No!!!! *sweats nervously*

Que Pasa: Why'd we have to leave the other pirates' bodies behind? Now we have nothing to eat!

That Krazy Dude: Good point!

Salama: *uses Tachibana's Eternity 8 to erase all his companions' memories* What food?

Que Pasa: Your baby!

That Krazy Dude: Exactly. We have no minds to store memory, Senior Salama.

Salama: There's a Jr. Salama?

*Elsewhere, watching on a viewscreen*

Jesse McCartney: No! I cannot let them reach the top of the mountain, as it will set off a chain of events that will somehow ruin my plans for world domination! I must stop them.

Salama: No, he's singing! Get down!

*Elsewhere, everyone's all taken cover in a cave. The cave is dark, and they find some of the Florida ballots.*

*Al Gore leaps up from the Florida ballets, grabs Salama and drags him down*

Al Gore: Haha! I invented the internet and Party Goers! You can't stop me!

Salama: *does osotogari makikomi to Gore* (which is what I did today to Paulo and Richard)

*Al Gore blocks Salama's attacks with his own feces*

Salama: UGH!

*Salama gets feced!*

Al Gore: *then bites Salama's ear off.*

That Krazy Dude: *throws Pine Sol at him*

Salama: *gets Nibbler's feces and throws it at Gore to crush him under massive weight*

Mr. Meyer: YAAAHHHH (tackles Al Gore, and they roll around until they tumble down a 90-foot chasm)

Que Pasa: We have to save Mr. Meyer! Otherwise we can't have our IT class, and we might have to retake Rsearch!

That Krazy Dude: NO NOT THAT!!!

*Mr. Gutmann steps out of the shadows.*

That Krazy Dude: No not him!

*Mr. Brancato steps out from behind him and horn-rapes him up the ass*

Mr. Gutmann: You give them eyes but they do not see. You give them ears but they do not hear. You give them mouths but the y talk too much- (is bombarded by tomatoes) Did you just says is?? DOES NOT COMPUTE (explodes)

Mr. Meyer: Let me in! It's not fit for man nor beast in there! (walks in) Here's the man... (drags in Al Gore) and here's the beast!

Que Pasa: How did you survive?

That Krazy Dude (11:19:06 PM): Simple.

Mr. Meyer: BUMBLES BOUNCE!

Salama: Nick dot Com!

[/obscure Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer reference]

That Krazy Dude: 588 2300 Empiiiiiire!!!! [i know]

*The group continues up and nears the peak.*

That Krazy Dude; We're not gonna make it....

Mr. Meyer: WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!!!

That Krazy Dude: We're getting close, like your mom!

Que Pasa: Does anybody else hear singing in the distance?

Lupine: :: leaps down from sky with head phones and holding staff in cool pose:: Anyone remember my specialty is elements? :::makes fire::

Salama: *uses Alter Power to stop them from going in different directions*

Mr. Meyer: This is gunna be a great story for me to tell my child who's gunna be born in 3 months!

Lupine: ::then puts out fire::

Que Pasa: What the fuck? You jump out of the sky and make a speech about elements just as we're about to jump into the exciting climax?

Salama: I'm afraid this is where I get off.

That Krazy Dude: I'm afraid this is where you jack off!

Salama: (pulls out sleeping bag and starts to walk back to the cave) Me go sleep now, you insomniac bastards!

That Krazy Dude: Shut up, or not! Whatever.

Que Pasa: Just few more minutes!

Salama: Okay fine, I'll stay for a few minutes!

*Jesse McCartney claps his hands slowly and sarcastically)

Jesse McCartney: Congratulations on reaching the top of the mountain... but you'll reach nothing else!

That Krazy Dude: Except into your mom's pants!

Lupine: ::is ashamed and walks off::

That Krazy Dude: Hooray!

*Jesse McCartney drags Lupine back and humps his leg*

Jesse McCartney: I WANT YOU AND YOUR BEAUTIFUL SOUL

That Krazy Dude: And your leg too, apparently.

*Jesse McCartney reaches into Lupine's chest and pulls his soul out. Everyone decides to stop standing still and stop him*

Jebus: -Appears randomly and laughs-

Que Pasa: Dammit! Don't you have work?

That Krazy Dude: I have to work on someone's mom. It's like working on the railroad.

Jebus: No. Well yes. But I come to help!

Que Pasa: Yeah okay. *tosses Jebus at Jesse McCartney.*

Jebus: The power of Christ compels you! KAMEHAMEHA!

Lupine: I'm out. (collapses)

Jesse McCartney: SHE'S NO YOOOOOU (is tossed back and drops Lupine's soul but it doesn't matter since he left anyway)

Que Pasa: We did it! We reached the top of Mt. Everest!

Mr. Meyer: Hooray! Ugh... (falls over)

That Krazy Dude: Victory is ours!

Que Pasa: HIS WATER BROKE!

Jebus: Yet how do you get down?

*Everyone rides Lupine's frozen body down the mountain and to the nearest hospital. Then they sell Lupines' body parts to quadriplegics*

Jebus: Dosent that make him worse? Err..

That Krazy Dude: No......

Jebus: Forget I said anything.. Let's play baseball with his soul!

That Krazy Dude: *looks around suspiciously* Oh kool! *rips off Lupine's leg* I got a bat!

Jebus: -throws the soul at him with inhuman speeds and watches it go through the leg- Err.... WILSON! Come back!

That Krazy Dude: *runs away*

Jebus: ...

That Krazy Dude: *runs into lamp post*

Morgan Freeman: So Mr. Meyer gave birth to his own television set, and all the pirates enjoyed playing with their comrade's dismembered body.

The End

Jebus: -rips off his clothes, revealing him in a thong and dumps them in a trash can- I am Jebus no more.

Back to the Future From the Present's Past's Future

by GORE-ILLA, No Name and Stampede on November 7, 2005

No title can properly describe this.

Deep down in the Atlantic Ocean with a weird sbmarine......A giant cat comes out of nowhere.

Que Pasa: Oh no, it's a Giant wet pussy!!!!

Stampede: Do I even have to say anything?

Que Pasa: Your mom does.

Stampede: *SHOOTS MARLON* See what you made me do!!?!?!?

*Mr.Greco is playing X-Men Legends 2 with No Name.*

Mr. Greco: QED

*No Name tackles Mr. Greco and starts wrestling him, impaling Greco on the PS2.*

Mr. Greco: Ouch, that really hurt. WHY???

Que Pasa: Because you didn't get a Gamecube.

That Krazy Dude: And you didn't eat your vegetables.

*Edwin sheds a tear.*

Mr. T: Get ready you fools. We have to go to the king's ball tonight.

Cap'n: But first we have to give that giant wet pussy a licking...

Que Pasa: Haha, you said "the." I'm hungry.

No Name: Why don't you just eat your mom? It did great for me!

Stampede: Me too. As a matter of fact, your mom was great too No Name. Great source of protein. And sex. Speaking of mothers, I can't believe Siren and Dreamer and the other two chicks got sucked into a wild time-traveling adventure. Now who are we gonna take to the ball?

Que Pasa: Well I'm taking Mr. T. As for the rest of you, we'll have to sail the seas to find some booty.

*Everyone prepares to sail off.*

Scruffy: Looks like we're all here... except for Nemo.

Stampede: Forget him. I found him hiding in the bathroom with Rafael's new yaoi manga.

Scruffy: ...Let's set sail!

*The Cheesecake sets sail and falls off the Earth. Along the way, horrendous images of Christopher Columbus say "I TOLD YOU SO!!!"

*Back at the ship*

Que Pasa: Aw man, what am I going to wear to the ball now?

*Three rats come out.*

Three rats: We'll help you out with your attire!

*The rats begin sewing and making Que Pasa's dress in a Disney Cinderella way.*

Que Pasa: Wow, thanks guys! *eats them*

Edwin: Hey, what's that in the distance?

Scruffy: It looks like another pirate ship. Let's check it for wenches.

*They close in on the other ship and nearly get hit by bullets.*

No Name: What was that?

*They look over and see a bunch of modern-looking pirates wielding automatic weapons and even rocket launchers.*

Stampede: Oh shit...

*The Cheesecake takes on a rocket to one of its main missile cannons*

Que Pasa: Cap'n! We've been attacked!! They've taken out missile launcher number 4!!

Scruffy: Not number 4!!!!

Stampede: Looks like we're gonna have to fight them on their ship. Our ship can't take more damage!

*Everyone gets their jetpacks and heads over to the attacking ship, dodging bullets. Of course, Nemo's tank is shot and he ignites into a hellish blaze. Meanwhile back wherever the hell it is that the girls are...*

Siren: The year 2035 is great!! I mean getting waited on by every man! And the women rule! And we have a woman president.

Dreamer: Yeah but i can't help noticing that there has been an increase in car crashes, political incompetence, and tupperware parties...

Siren: Yeah...*SIPS OUT OF A HIGH TECH CUP THAT LOOKS LIKE A Penis*

*In another time and place, the Golden Cheesecake crew is restrained by the high-tech modern pirates.*

Captain Ben Dover: Ha, we've got them!! Theres no way they can-

First Mate Alpha Kenny Thing: They've boarded our ship, sir.

Ben Dover: Shit...

*The crew is tied up.*

Ben: You're our hostages now!

Stampede: The fuck did we get tied up!?

Ben Dover: Don't you mean HOW the fuck did we get tied up?

Stampede: No I don't, asshole.

Chef Asshole: Who's calling me?

Que Pasa: *SMACKS FOREHEAD WITH HAND and bites it*

Ben Dover: We'll hold you here until someone pays our ransom!

Scruffy: Who the hell would wanna pay our ransoms?

Ben Dover: We'll find someone!

*Thirty years later...*

Ben Dover: Okay, I'm tired of waiting. I'm gonna let you go.

Shadowed Figure: WAIT- I have a better idea.

Ben Dover: Ahh. I was wondering where you were. Cheesecake crew, meet our technology assistant, the Chinese prodigy Rei Pyu As.

Rei Pyu As: Thank you for the introduction. Now for my idea. I just finished building a time traveling machine.

*Back with the girls*

Siren: WHERE THE FUCK IS OUR TIME TRAVELING MACHINE!?

*Cheesecake's capturers' best friend's mother's goat's ship*

Rei Pyu As: Well I stole one. But i actually built one that took me 30 years. Here it is...*SHOWS A CARDBOARD BOX WITH TIME TRAVELER-ER WRITTEN ON IT*

Que Pasa: YOU STOLE MY CARDBOARD BOX IDEA!!! LAWSUIT!!

Lawyer: I'm suing, I'm suing!

No Name: It took you thirty years to build that shit!? You suck! I spit on your crap!! *SPITS ON RAI PYU AS' FECES* And your time traveler!! *SPITS ON THAT AS WELL*

Que Pasa: We have to beat the crap out of them! Wait, where's the chef?

Salama: (opens the fridge to find Lupine frozen there) POPSICLE!!!

Patten McGroin: Remember me? (gets shanked by Asshole)

*Suddenly a space car crashes into the ship. Siren, eLfa, Dreamer and Frenchie leap out with lightsabers, while scandily clothed, and they begin cutting through the pirates.*

Ben Dover: Dammit, I forgot to update our weapons in the thirty years we've held you hostage!

*All the no longer modern-day pirates run away screaming while the girls send them to erotic deaths. Then a giant ocean wave splashes all over the white shirts.*

No Name: They're gonna kill us all when they read this.

Que Pasa: My clothes got torn off too... Nemo, why are you looking at me? Look at them!

Scruffy: Quick crew, into the time machine!

*The twenty-or-so pirates squeeze into the cardboard box.*

Ben Dover: (bleeding to death) AAAUGH AAUGH IT HURTS!!!

No Name: Hey guy, can you press the button?

Ben Dover: SURE!!! (presses the button, and his hand falls off.)

*Everyone's sent back in time thirty years back on Ben Dover's ship.*

Ben Dover: Hey, how'd you guys get out of your ropes? And why does that disembodied hand on your box look like mine?

That Krazy Dude: (shoves a mop down Ben Dover's throat and suffocates him)

Que Pasa: Pretty violent. But can it beat this?

*Que Pasa grabs the mop's handle and picks up Ben Dover with it, then uses his body to slap around the rest of the modern day pirates.*

Stampede: Or this! (shoves a weapon through Ben Dover's bent over body, cutting through his ass and shooting the bullets out of his mouth)

Siren: Um... (points to themselves in the past who are tied up)

Que Pasa: I hate time travel. (shoots the past versions of themselves)

*Mr. T drives up in a limo wearing a tuxedo.*

Mr. T: Hurry up fools, we'll be late for the ball!

Que Pasa: Well we got four girls, I guess we can split them.

Edwin: Save someone's upper half for me!

Stampede: I'm not sure whether I want the white meat or dark meat....

No Name: What do you mean? Which one is which?

Stampede: Well the white meat would be the part that usually doesn't get the tan. The dark meat is the part that gets more tan and is better if it is bigger.

Siren: Are you sure we can all fit into that limo?

Stampede: We were just in a CARDBOARD BOX.

Siren: Damn what was I thinking- HEY I JUST GOT WHAT YOU MEANT!!

Cap'n: Well I'm glad this time-traveling adventure is over with.

*A time portal opens up, and a naked Mr. T leaps out with a long flowing beard.*

Future Mr. T: Hey guys, don't drink the courvoisier at the party.

Adam West: Thank you tinkle fairy.

*Everyone goes to the king's ball and gets some action, except for course for Nemo.*

Nemo: (pours salt on his fries) HAHA I'M GONNA GET DIABETES.

Siren: You get diabetes from sugar, not salt.

Nemo: (pauses and then breaks out into fake-ass laughter)

Mr. T: It's midnight, fool!

*Que Pasa rushes off and drops a crystal slipper while the others turn into rats and a pumpkin.*

Que Pasa: WHAT HAVE I DONE???

*After Que Pasa leaves, Adam West finds the crystal slipper.*

Adam West: This slipper is so beautiful... I must find its owner! I know, I'll try this on every person in the world, because only one of the billion people in the world must have this shoe size!

*And so Adam West fits the slipper on Rei Pyu As and they live happily ever after.*

Morgan Freeman: And that's the end, until the exciting sequel- Lupine's Adventures in Penisland! Goodbye one and all, and have yourselves a super-unhealthy Thanksgiving!

Dinosaurs in the Mist

by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, No Name, Stampede and Edwin on November 14, 2005

Some high school geeks present:

The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada: Dinosaurs in the Mist

*The GCPA escape a rap concert in Mr. T's van as it explodes around them.*

Lupine: We're not gonna make it!

Mr. T: (shoves his foot on the pedal) WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!!!

*The van goes off a ramp as one last giant explosion envelopes the concert hall right behind them.*

Han Solo: Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!

No Name: This guy again? I thought you got a restraining order!

Scruffy: It's tied up in the courts!

Lupine's Fruity Owl: I'm a hummingbird, but I do more sucking then humming!

Edwin: Thank you, movie critic Gene Charlotte!

*Cap'n lights inscence candles*

Scruffy: I need to get in the mood.

Miss Knight: Stampede, I need you to do me a favor! *funky porn music plays*

Scruffy: WOOOOO! What's that!

Miss Knight: (takes out a music board) Thanks, for the music sample Matt!

No Name: So did you get that extra-credit Geometry question?

Stampede: I dunno, I wasn't sure which angles counted.

Que Pasa: No, stop talking about the work outside of class! You're letting them win!

*50 Cent walks up to them with his body charred and everything.*

Lupine: You okay?

50 Cent: I got blown up nine times!

Que Pasa: (drops a bomb in Fifty's arms, and he explodes)

50 Cent: I got blown up ten times! (steps on a land mine) I got blown up eleven times! (Que Pasa continuosly tosses bombs to Fitty) Twelve times! Thitreen! Fourteen! Fifteen! (silence)

Lupine's Fruity Owl: Fifteen. Fifteen explosions to the center of a rapper.

No Name: I didn't know he could talk.

Que Pasa: I didn't know you were so damn ugly. (grabs the PSP out of Edwin's hands and eats it) Pay attention fool!

Lupine: Shut up, I challenge you to a staring contest!

*Que Pasa and Lupine stare at each other for a few minutes.*

Que Pasa: Your eyes... I can see forever in them... (Lupine collapses out of creeped outness) Ha I win!

*Lupine gets back up and smacks him with a wooden bat.*

Scruffy: Fools, get over here! We have a new mission.

Zordon: Rangers we have a new mission! Rita is planning to attack the earth with some stupid easily beaten monster that we have to summon the mega zord and cause massive destruction for no reason!

Siren: I dunno, are there any other missions we could take?

Scruffy: The only other mission is a treasure chest guarded by an octopus.

Siren: Pass.

*SIREN REMEMBERS HER LAST INCIDENT WITH AN OCTOPUS...*

Scruffy: You okay there, Siren? You look a litt-

Siren: *SHOUTING* I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF!!! *SPRAYS MACE IN SCRUFFY'S EYES*

Scruffy: AHHH!!! MY EYES!! WHY DID YOU SPRAY MACE IN MY EYES!?!?!?

*Suddenly Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker are near Zordon, wielding their lightsabers and fighting fiercely.*

Anakin: ITS NOT THE JEDI WAY!!!

Mace: HE MUST DIE!!!

*Mace and Anakin's lightsabers both go flying out of their hands and hit Zordon's tank*

Zordon: AGHHH!!!! Please! Tell my wife, Mashed Potatoes, that I love her!!

Que Pasa: NO! I already ate her!!

Stampede: Out?

Que Pasa: Well, yeah, but I ate her completely afterwards.

Stampede: That is a really nice story!

Zordon: NO!!!!

*Zordon dies.*

Que Pasa: WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?

Stampede: I don't know, but Anakin and Mace sure saved us a helluva lot money in Cloudy Face food.

No Name: I know! Feeding him is a pain in the ass!!

Anakin and Mace: Yo, fight us! Who will fight us?

*Krazy Dude stands up*

Krazy Dude: I-

Stampede and No Name: We will!

Krazy Dude: Okay then! *SITS DOWN AND EATS CHIPS*

*Stampede and No Name draw their Black-Crystal Lightsabers*

No Name: I'm taking Anakin!

Stampede: Okay then! Mace, this is for Krazy Dude's sister, who you raped and killed!!

Mace: NO! I AM KRAZY DUDE'S SISTER!!! *TAKES OFF MASK AND REVEALS...QUEEN LATIFAH!!!*

Krazy Dude: NO!!

Stampede: WHERE IS THE REAL SAMUEL L. JACKSON!?!?

Anakin: *PULLS OFF MASK* ITS ME!!

Stampede: The fuck!? Then who's the real Hayden Christensen!?

Natalie Portman: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!

No Name: Then who's the real Natalie Portman!?

Fat Albert: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!!

No Name: Then who's the real Fat Albert!?

Nia: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!

Stampede: THE FUCK!? WHO THE FUCK IS THE REAL NIA!?

Lupine: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!! AND ITS BEEN ME YOU'VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH!!!

No Name: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: ALL RIGHT! ANYONE ELSE WHO'S STILL WEARING A MASK, TAKE IT OFF NOW!

*Everybody pulls off masks to reveal the original participants of this story. 'Cept Zordon. He became Jessica Alba*

Stampede: Hey, you're still dead, dude.

Patten: NO!!! WHY DID JESSICA ALBA HAVE TO DIE!?!?!? *Patten becomes a necrophiliac and fucks the dead corpse repeatedly, but finds out that it was not actually Jessica Alba, it was Mr. Noble. This strange turn of events turns Patten McGroin to the Dark Side, and he is now dubbed...DARTH CURRY!!! But we'll explain that later. BACK TO THE STORY!!!*

*NEMO EXPLODES*

Darth Curry: Quit changing the subject! I'm tired of being forgotten by you damn writers!

*The writers hit Darth Curry in the stomach with a gigantic pen*

Writers: YOU SHUT UP AND WAIT YOUR TURN!! MAYBE IF YOU POSTED EVERY NOW AND THEN!!

Darth Curry: Fair...enough...*FAINTS*

*NOW REALLY BACK TO THE STORY*

Edwin: Got any threes?

Scruffy: Nope go fish.

*Que Pasa eats card deck*

That Krazy Dude: I hope this story doesn't become as weird as TV Production class...

[flashback]

*Mr. Meyer walks into the classroom ten minutes after class starts.*

Mr. Meyer: I'll take attendence now. Vittori Ferrari...

Vittori: Here!

Mr. Meyer: Any relationship to the car?

Vittori: No...

Mr. Meyer: Okay, Joshua St. Martin. Any relationship to the St. Martin's Island?

Josh: What?

Mr. Meyer: Brian Vivas. Viva las Vivas! I can't pronounce this name, help me out... Da... de... du...

David: David.

Mr. Meyer: Okay, good. Now I want to tell you about digital video technology, like your iPods.

That Krazy Dude: I have one on me.

Mr. Meyer: Good, hand it to me.

*That Krazy Dude gives Mr. Meyer the iPod. Mr. Meyer stuffs the iPods into his mouth and eats it.*

[/flashback]

Scruffy: This is dragging on for too long. Where's our anticlimatic enemy?

*The floor opens up, and Darth Curry pops out.*

Darth Curry: Haha- (is forgotten by the writers and disappears. His place is taken by Count Gonad)

Count Gonad: I'm back, and I'm Tonka tuff!

Que Pasa: Back in Black?

Count Gonad: Damn Right! Too cool for school!

Que Pasa: Nice like ice?

Count Gonad: Ice cold!

Que Pasa: OOOOh!

Count Gonad: For this final battle I shall choose the four of you who have had little screen time in this thing! (summons Siren, That Krazy Dude, Mini-Myself and Salama)

*Count Gonad gets into some funky-ass giant robot as he moves in on the four.*

That Krazy Dude: (plants mop in the ground like a flag) For the artichoke!

Salama: Let's summon the Megazord! Oh no, but Zordon is dead...

Zordon: I'm still with you in spirit! (spirit is eaten by Que Pasa)

Count Gonad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... eh.

Que Pasa: You know Cap'n you should use this life experience to write that novel...you know that novel...that one you should you write...the novel....to draw from life experience..write the novel.. {Editor's Note: I do not affiliate myself with this stolen line in any way, shape or form)

*Count Gonad's Robot charges forward with a Penis Blade and slashes it around as everyone struggles to dodge it.*

Mini-Myself: We need a giant robot of some sort!

*They all look at Salama. It's impossible for Salama to become smaller, so when Mini-Myself tries shrinking him Salama grows instead to the size of the robot. Both begin grappling. Edwin bungee-jumps into the battle and transmutes the Penis Blade into a giant Corn Dog, which Salama mindlessly eats.*

Count Gonad: Dammit! Dammit, dammit, damn something else!

*Count Gonad's robot tries running, but That Krazy Dude vomits all over the ground. The robot slips over it and breaks down.*

That Krazy Dude: You lose, General Pastrani.

Count Gonad: Not yet... (his beard comes to life and punches That Krazy Dude into Salama, who falls over towards Mini-Myself)

Mini-Myself: Oh crap...

Gonad: Bam!

Siren: Not yet!

*Siren wheels in a catapult regurgitated by Que Pasa, then puts the catapult behind Salama and launches him back at Count Gonad.*

Count Gonad: My only regret is that I did not use any more innuendo-related weapons! (holds onto Nemo passionately in the last moments before they're both crushed beneath Salama)

Scruffy: It's over! We won! I feel proud even though I did absolutely nothing to contribute to this!

*Everyone holds hands and sings Christmas carols.*

Lupine: I prepared a cake for this occasion!

*Lupine pulls open a curtain, and behind it they see Frzngld with electric prongs hooked up to his nipples.*

Frzngld: Get out! Ge- ge- get out! (accidentally breaks the power generator with his duck hand, setting the ship on fire)

*Everyone laughs in a sitcom matter while the ship burns around them.*

Mr. T: The end... Now get out! (throws you helluva far)

Saget Vs. Teytleboym

Written by Lupine and That Krazy Dude on November 16, 2005

It’s fifth period at High Tech High School, and the crew has been divided up by the evils of Count Gonad when he won the school in a game of strip musical chairs. So the half that gave up their summer foolishly must now be separated from their friends and are trapped with Dr. T, the crusha from Russia.

Siren, Krazy Dude, Lupine, ADD, Nemo, and Frenchie as well as some of their non-pirate friends are trapped in this classroom of pure chemical evil. One day the crew was working on predicting chemical and they were all bored as hell. So they started having random conversations with each other.

Frenchie: So John Dabrowski, what bands do you listen to?

John: Oh, all kinds of bands but I love listening to Simple Plan. (Editor's Note: It was some kind of weird injoke that they made where mentioning Simple Plan would summon Saget)

Siren: NO!!!!!!

Dr. T’s computer begins to crackle and sparks are seen flying everywhere. The computer then explodes violently sending glass across the room, every shard landing on Nemo. No one else was harmed.

Nemo: Ow I can't feel my limbs!

*Saget appears out of the rubble*

Dr. T: (in spitting Russian accent) Vat the heeel have you done with my computer!?

Saget: I'm sorry, what did you say?

Dr. T: Vat-the-heel-have-you-done-with-my-computer?

Saget: Oh. Bring me the first Cuban child, I must feed!

*Lupine points to Nemo*

Lupine: He’s Cuban! I know it cause I…um…uh…um……am gifted!

Nemo: Noooooooooo I’m Dominica---- *is eaten*

*Little children run into the room.*

Kids: Silly short, annoying, Dominican, life is for - *gets eaten by Saget*

Dr. T: Vat are you doing? You come in here and eat my students and disrupt my class!

Dr. T: *rips shirt open to reveal bulging muscles* Now it’s time to die Seeget!

Saget: Fight me bitch!

*Saget tackles Dr. T and they battle by the lab table which is basically a big table and a sink. Saget punches Dr. T, but Dr. T reaches into a drawer of chemicals and throws liquid nitrogen into Saget's eyes.*

Saget: My eyes! My beautiful soulless eyes!

*Saget uses his tentacles which freak the crap outta Siren causing her to go into fetal position, then grapples with Dr. T*

Vince: Ah yes…good memories….*has a flashback to Summer Bio and remembers several great memories*…. Those are some big ass titties….

ADD: Why do you look like you’re gunna take a dump?

Lupine to Krazy: Where the hell is our back up?

::meanwhile the rest of the crew is in Greco’s class::

Greco: Okay everyone, it's nap time!

*Scruffy, Que Pasa, No Name, Stampede, Edwin, Mini-Myself and Dreamer get blankets and fall asleep.*

Lupine: Well….ah! *gets cut off by Dr. T collapsing on him* mMy legs! I can’t feel my legs!

Dr T: Oh well. Geet ovar eet.

*Saget picks up Carlos’s desk with Carlos in it and swings it at Dr. T. Dr. T evades it and picks up John Cariel's desk and starts to have a desk duel. They battle furiously with the desks until they break. Lupine points and laughs at Carlos*

Carlos: Least I have a girlfriend!

Lupine: *cries and looks at Krazy Dude for back up*

Krazy: *shrugs* Can't help you there anymore.

*Dr. T punches Saget in his face and Saget falls back and breaks the wall between Dr. T and Rubenstein's class. Dr. T and Saget face off there only to find that Rubenstein hasn't had his coffee. They avoid him and fight their way to the back room. Dr. T grabs a microscope. Dr. T and Saget sword fight with microscopes. Rubenstein sees the destruction of his precious class and is mostly calm but then Saget trips and knocks his coffee over. Rubenstein snaps and begins glowing a shade of green. Vince magically appears in the backroom at a table with a butchered star fish on a tray and a scalpel in hand.*

Vince: He said I could cut it, right?

*Dr. T grabs the star fish and throws it as if it were a ninja star at Saget, impaling it in his temple*

Saget: Foolish Russian *Saget absorbs it*

::In the meantime::

*ADD walks in circles in a never ending cycle*

Lupine: Krazy, snap him out of it!

*Krazy dude tries to go up to ADD and stop him but he can't catch up to him, so he's just following him in the circle he's walking in. Eventually a tornado is formed and Nemo gets caught in it and flung through the wall to the back room and lands on Vince's scalpel*

Vince: Can I cut it?

Siren: I haven't said anything in a while.

*Krazy whispers something to Lupine*

Lupine: Siren you’re hot.

Siren: Fuck you.

Krazy: Guess it's not the same.

*Dr. T impales Saget with a lab coat…somehow.*

Luckily for Dr. T, Rubenstein likes to store all the remains of past dissection projects..

*Dr. T finds the most recent and deadly one…the summer biology remains. Dr. T grabs Saget and throws him into the remains head first and Saget starts to scream in pain and disgusted horror. Rubenstein walks in still glowing and notices the destruction. He holds it in but then he is pushed too far, he noticed the lab coats on the floor*

Rubenstein:: Rubenstein angry!

*Rubenstein rips his shirt and turns green but that’s about it*

Rubenstein: Rubenstein smash!

*Rubenstein hits Saget only to have him look down on him*

Saget: Silly mortal. *knocks Rubenstein into the shower station*

::meanwhile::

*ADD continues to circle around and Krazy is still caught Lupine sent Frenchie, Nemo, and Siren in but all got caught in the vortex.*

Lupine: Well this sucks.

*Dr. T is still battling Saget furiously while the crew walks in circles. John Cariel and Carlos are unconscious, John Debrowski is listening to simple plan, and everyone else is sorta sitting there mesmerized as the crew continues to walk in circles. Dr. T and Saget battle their way back to the chemistry classroom. Saget swings a punch at Dr. T but Dr. T ducks and does a Mario-style upper cut which launches Saget into the tornado being created by the crew. Saget is flung out of the classroom into Greco's class.*

Dr. R: Well anyway... *bell rings* dammit!

Dr. T: Oh well, I'll see you all tomorrow.

*Nemo spontaneously combusts*

Dr. T: Vat do you know, it ees possible.

*The whole class laughs along with Dr. T.*

::back in Greco’s class::

Greco: Nap time’s up!

*Everyone gets up, and Stampede shakes Que Pasa out of his slumber.*

Que Pasa: ::mumble grumble:: Simple Plan ::grumble::

*Crew wakes up completely.*

*Saget busts out of Greco’s marker-drawn Mario square*

…and that my friends is the true meaning of Christmas

The End

The Adventures of Scruffy and Que Pasa: Harry Potter and the Mystery of Where the Hell the Light Rail is

by Scruffy and GORE-ILLA on November 20, 2005

Light Rail Adventures

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10