Gamehiker Member OG 8 Page 2

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Author: Masamune

Donkeyman: Well well well, I won. It's vacation for life, girly!

Misty: Okay.

Donkeyman: Now for the prisoners!

~The GCPA Crew are all held up with Donkeyman pacing back and forth~

Donkeyman: Right then. Time to choose. A hundred years paid vacation here.... or DEATH!

That Krazy Dude: NAY! You'll never find a GCPA pirate what will take a paid occupational leave! That's civilized stuff!

Captain Scruffy: Same for me.

Crew: Aye!

GORE: ... *glances at his crewmates* Actually I've been kinda anticipating a vacation for awhile.

Scruffy: Wait vacatio-

~The GCPA crew are all prompty disposed of but not killed because that's sound so final and unfair~

GORE: *sniff* That's the third crew I've went through! What am I cursed! *opens up hand where there's a black spot* Oh right right, I forgot about that.

Vorpal: GORE! Welcome to the Flying Arabdude!

Misty: You know this walking FULLY ROBOTIC carpet?

Vorpal: Yeah, we partied a few times... kinda.

GORE: Vorpal! We took you for dead! You know, when Masamune took your girlfriend and skedaddled leaving you for dead!

Misty: ... girlfriend?

Vorpal: Oh snap!

~Meanwhile~

Masamune: AAAAAARGH!

Black Pudding: Would you stop screaming!?

Masamune: Oh sorry.

~Black Pudding and Masamune fuse to form... Shadowmune! Which is a completely dark Masamune with white eyes, hook hands, and a pirate hat that looks like his old one... only black!~

Shadowmune: ~In the voice of Masamune and Black Pudding~ ... I am SHADOWMUNE!!! HAHAAHAH!

Kaiser Bear VII: Hey aren't you dead y- IT'S THE PUDDING GOD!!! *runs*

Shadowmune: Die mortal! *the black skin stretched out and grabs Kaiser Bear VII and flings him into a tree killing him and knocking his head off*

Kaiser Bear VIII: *picks up his father's head and looks up at the evil black man who killed him... swearing revenge! omgforeshadowing*

Shadowmune: Now for the rest of them!

~Inside the main palace~

Captain Ditto: Good job, we got them!

Viewtiful Greg: It's like I'm a hero!

Sexy Sapphire: Uh, yeah. Way to go on that.

Viewtiful Greg: It's too bad Lady in Red isn't here to see us... imagine what she'd say about you and me- *pauses* Oh... right. *glares*

Sexy Sapphire: Right. *glares back*

Viewtiful Greg: Sorry Cap, but I only work ALONE. Except when I work with the Gamehikers. Which is all the time.

Captain Ditto: *backhands Golem* We're a team, got it! Now quick, transform back to our normal form!

~They transform back just as Lupus, Fred, and Roy run in~

Golem: Lupus! Fred! Potential bad guy!

Roy: Don't worry, I'm a good guy for at least a few posts.

Fred: And our loyalties, as always, are dubious at best!

Lupus: Right.

~Dodo and Kuria arrive a moment later~

Kuria: Whew, guys! Those bears are being attacked!

Ditto: Excellent!

Dodo: By some weird Pudding Beast that tried to kill us!

Ditto: Hm, not excellent.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

~Misty silently lifts her hand, which has transformed into a hand. Holding a katana. Which she shakes like a fan to create... a fan of katanas.~

Vorpal: Heh? (Damn you GORE). ~runs~

~Misty silently follows, tears maybe rolling down her face.~

GORE: Who was that chick?

Luigi: I don't know.

GORE: ~looks around~ So what happens now?

~GORE and Luigi lay in beach chairs wearing Hawaiian shirts and sunglasses.~

Luigi: You can't tan. You have fur.

GORE: Shut up.

Luigi: I don't think I've ever been more happ-- ~is lassoed and dragged off the ship~

GORE: Eh. ~sips a banana daiquiri~

~Meanwhile, Luigi is dragged onto the Lead Zeppelin, silently following the Flying Arabdude.~

Lynel: Hey... this isn't Vor-- ~falls asleep~

Straw Man: Yes it is.

SteveT: Crivens. Why'd you bring that hobo aboard?

Luigi: I hate my life.

Straw Man: Throw him overboard.

SteveT: Shut up.

Straw Man: Overboard! Overboard!

~SteveT throws Straw Man overboard. Straw Man climbs back up and sulks to his room.~

SteveT: Don't think we like you or anything. We were trying to save Vorpal because he hates Party Goers like you.

Luigi: SAVE him? That's a party ship! I want to go back!

SteveT: ~non-existent eyes dilate~ PARTY SHIP!

Author: Masamune

Viewtiful Greg: Good god, what is that thing?

Captain Ditto: If I'm right, a black pudding has fused with your friend, Masamune.

Dodo: But we had a deal! I wear black and he wears earth tones!

Captain Ditto: Looks like it's time to get a new wardrobe.

Sexy Sapphire: Well let's just beat him up.

Captain Ditto: It's no use, Masamune is immortal so beating him is useless. It's the pudding we gotta deal with.

Kuria: Alright so what then?

Captain Ditto: Greg and Sapphire shall go with me. We'll find a way to get rid of the pudding. I believe the rest of you have a key to worry about.

Dodo: But without Masamune... I'm just a sidekick, I don't even get top billing on the posters.

Captain Ditto: Then let her *jerks thumb at Kuria* take over. I need to get going. ~he disappears in a flash with Greg and Sapphire~

Kuria: ... okay, right then. To the Swordefeller!

Lupus: Hey what about us!

Kuria: I'm going to accept you into the crew despite you being enemies of mine several times in the past.

Fred: Swanky.

Roy: And me?

Kuria: You're just a harmless geeky looking guy, so get on. We've got a oven to find, gentlemen.

~MEANWHILE~

Misty: How COULD you, Vorpal! I'd kill you right now, but... I want to see that hussy die first.

Vorpal: L-listen, can't we talk about this first?

~Misty drags Vorpal back to where GORE is out tanning~

Misty: You, carpet. Where is this woman?

GORE: Which woman? Kuria or Tiffa?

Misty: Tiffa?

Vorpal: Erk. Kuria Ortiffa. That's her full name, right GORE?

GORE: No, it's-

Vorpal: *backhands GORE* Right, GORE?

GORE: Oh yeah, I just remembered.

Misty: Good. I'll just go talk to the captain so we can take out a temporary boat and-

Mariorocks 66: ENEMY SHIP OFF THE STARBOARD BOUGH!

~Captain Donkeyman arrives on the deck~

Captain Donkeyman: ... interesting. Ready the cannons, lads. Let's see how they like Disco.

Vorpal: Uh, Disco?

Misty: Nobody has ever beaten Donkeyman in a Disco Battle. Once he fires the Disco Balls... well, you'll just have to see.

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Music begins blaring throughout The Flying Arabdude. Several large cannons emerge from the ship. The cannons all begin firing Disco Balls towards the Lead Zeppelin.*

Donkeyman: That's it, make Poppa proud.

*Aboard the Lead Zeppelin...*

Lynel: (glances at radar) I think we have a blip here... Might be a projectile of some sort...

*Suddenly a disco ball rockets through the floor of the Zeppelin and tears through the roof.*

Lynel: Yes, definitely a projectile.

*The disco ball continues flying above the Lead Zeppelin, then explodes and rains shrapnel onto the ship.*

Lynel: We're going down.

SteveT: Deploy my escape pod.

Luiigii: Do we get an escape pod?

SteveT: You can swim.

*SteveT boards the escape pod and pilots it past the swarm of disco balls and lands on the ship. He then tears the escape pod open. He finds himself surrounded by Vorpal, GORE-ILLA, Aaron, Misty and the other crewmates, all wielding scimitars and/or Disco Launchers.*

SteveT: Bring it on.

*Elsewhere, the Luiigii and the remainder of the SteveTrio desperately pilot the falling Lead Zeppelin to dodge more of the disco balls.*

Straw Man: No no, you just have to jiggle it!

Lynel: YOU'RE NOT HELPING!

*Elsewhere, EVIL Scientist Dude leads Murasame and generic minions in the Flying Monkey.*

EVIL Scientist Dude: I believe we are closing in on Yami Yoshi's location. He is swimming in the direction of England.

Murasame: Whatever.

EVIL Scientist Dude: He is exactly what is needed in our cause. His power is great, if it can be turned to our cause... of course Donkeyman has his own reasons, says something about him having swallowed a key or something...

*Captain Ditto teleports Viewtiful Greg and Sexy Sapphire to London, where Shadowmune is on a rampage.*

Captain Ditto: Alright. I think we might have time to plan a strateg-

*Captain Ditto looks down and notices the tip of a sword emerging from his gut. Shadowmune withdraws the sword and smirks.*

Shadowmune: No! What am I doing?

Viewtiful: Captain Ditto, NO!

Captain Ditto: I'm okay, he missed me!

Sexy Sapphire: ...

*Viewtiful Greg unleashes a powerful combo on Shadowmune, ending with a kick that knocks him into a building that topples over on top of Shadowmune. A few seconds later, Shadowmune emerges and repairs his body. He rushes towards Greg.*

Sexy Sapphire: (sighs and walks away)

*By narrow chance, Viewtiful Greg dodges all of Shadowmune's sword strokes. What are the odds? He delivers more punches and stuff but they're all useless. Elsewhere, Sexy Sapphire has climbed to the top of the clock tower and fires a flare gun. Shadowmune is attracted by the bright light and leaps towards it.*

Viewtiful Greg: Sapph, no!

*Shadowmune quickly pounces on Sexy Sapphire and knocks her over.*

Shadowmune: My inner good could use some help here!

Sexy Sapphire: This might hurt a bit, but hey, you're immortal!

*Sexy Sapphire pulls out one of her guns and fires it into the church bell. It rings loudly. Shadowmune clutches his ears in frustration and screams as the Black Pudding separates from him.*

Masamune: Well. That turned out well!

*The Black Pudding slinks away. Masamune and Sapphire walk about to Viewtiful Greg and Captain Ditto.*

Sexy Sapphire: See? Took care of the pudding no problem!

Captain Ditto: Uh, Sapph...

Viewtiful Greg: Behind you!

*They turn around and see Yami Yoshi stampeding towards them, covered in the Black Pudding. Thus making him the redundantly-named Shadow Yami Yoshi.*

*Elsewhere, Kuria is loading up the SS Swordefeller.*

Fred: We have to leave! I'm late for tea!

Kuria: I'm not leaving without Masamune!

*Suddenly Masamune runs round a bend, with Golem, Sapph and Ditto. Kuria looks relieved. Then Shadow Yami Yoshi wheels around the bend, slobbering from the mouth and followed by the remaining bears.*

Kuria: Okay, time to go!

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Luiigii: ~points at the Flying Arabdude~ Get me over there!

Lynel: Sure. Just use the catapult.

~The catapult is destroyed by a disco ball.~

Lynel: Um. All I have is this mallet.

Straw Man: Everybody was kuuung fuuu fiiightiiing! Nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah nah!

Luiigii: ~grabs the mallet~ It'll work.

Straw Man: Those cats they--

~Luiigii pounds Straw Man into a crack between two of the ship's lead planks. He pops back out flattened into a surfboard. Luiigii grabs him and jumps into the water, then surfs to the Flying Arabdude.~

Lynel: ~looks around as the Lead Zeppelin sinks like... lead~ I hate those guy... sss... ~falls asleep~

~Poor Lynel.~

***

~SteveT casually makes his way to Donkeyman's office as the others hack vainly at him with their swords.~

SteveT: Seriously, guys. We do this every freaking OG. Stop hitting me.

GORE-ILLA: Relent, fiend!

Aaron: You won't stop our vacation!

Vorpal: Hey, why are YOU siding with US?

Aaron: Circumstance makes strange bedfellows.

Misty: Oh my GOD! You're sleeping with HIM too!

Vorpal: No! It's an expression!

MJ: ~pops out of nowhere~ No it's not! I've been waiting for this moment! ~puckers up and approaches Vorpal, but is diced into a thousand pieces and thrown to the conveniently arriving sharks by Misty~

Vorpal: I'll never get that image out of my head...

GORE-ILLA: Focus, you morons!

Mariorocks66: Why coitently!

~SteveT is becoming dented! The horror! Suddenly, Luiigii jumps onto the deck and inflates Straw Man.~

Luiigii: I see now what is happening! Go Steve! Though our reasons are very different for wanting this, you MUST sink this abomination! Straw Man and I shall hold them off!

Straw Man: ~puts himself into a headlock~ I've got one! I've got one!

SteveT: Um... yeah. Sure, thanks, I guess.

~Luiigii jumps into the midst of the mob and ignites his laser sword, while SteveT pushes his way out and runs for Donkeyman's office.~

GORE-ILLA: WTF man?

Luiigii: As a man unburdened by the stress of work, I can see the truth about vacations. And that truth is, vacations are never as good as they seem!

~The others stare at him.~

Luiigii: One minute everything's perfect. Next thing you know, your family starts to bicker...

~Vorpal and Misty trade glances.~

Luiigii: ...or you get rained in...

~Aaron looks back at all the storms the Flying Arabdude has encountered.~

Luiigii: ...or you get called away by your boss...

~Mariorocks66 glares in the direction of Donkeyman's office.~

Luiigii: ...or, um... you get... sunburned?

GORE-ILLA: ~gasp!~ How did you know?!

Luiigii: I was right?

GORE-ILLA: No! Let's kill him!

Others: ~brandish their swords~ YAAAAAH!

Luiigii: ...dammit.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Donkeyman: B*tch!

~Donkeyman tries to stab Sapphire, but she opens her parasol quickly and blocks it. Golem leaps on Donkeyman's back and pulls his mane.~

Donkeyman: Well, if it isn't Elemental!

~Donkeyman grabs Golem and throws him spread-eagle onto Sapphire's parasol, then raises his claymore again. Before he can stab Golem, Sapphire twirls the parasol and flings him into the distance. She closes it quick and parries Donkeyman's next strike.~

Donkeyman: Why did you leave me for him?!

Sapphire: Because you smell? I dunno.

Donkeyman: You said you liked my smell... (frowns)(

***

~Back on the Flying Monkey, Luiigii runs clockwise circles around ESD's mech to avoid gunfire, because mechs are of course slow and unruly.~

ESD: Wait, no they're not.

~The mech rotates at the waist instead of waddling around and immediately catches Luiigii in the crossfire.~

Luiigii: AAAAAAARGH! I'll never write again! ~falls over clutching his bullet-riddled right arm~ Good timeline, they says! I'll NEVER WRITE AGAIN! Or walk straight. I mean, OR WALK STRAIGHT!

ESD: You're telling me, brother. Err... son. ~slams Luiigii against the wall with a punching glove~

Luiigii: Was that necessary?! I'm freaking dying! Again!

ESD: I just wanted to put you in a compromising position, boy. Now listen. We intend to kill Golem and bring about a timeline in which you were TEMPORARILY a spirit working for Lupus but lead a very happy life after that ((as a goomba...)) Earth will be intact, unlike what the almanacs are saying for THIS timeline. You can either help us, or you can go boom.

Luiigii: Why me?

ESD: Heck, I taught you everything I know. If you didn't pick up that evil streak, I dunno who will.

~Farmer Jon bursts through the floor of the Flying Monkey and starts crossing himself.~

Farmer Jon: What's this abomination doing in my flight path, little brother? And why are you attacking Martha?

ESD: Ah, it's about time to get you out of the way...

~ESD points a gatling gun at Farmer Jon, but Jon turns his arm into a scythe (can he do that in this continuity? Oh well...) and cuts it off, then cuts off the punching glove arm as well, dropping Luiigii. Since ESD is... erm... physically inept, he remains in the mech and charges at Jon. Jon turns his other arm into an ox-drawn cart and waits for ESD to step into it, then pulls it out from under him and knocks him over. ESD throws himself up and on to Jon, punching him with the stubs of his mech's arm while they fly into the Flying Monkey's hull. As Jon tries to pull himself out of the new indent, ESD draws the broken arms back into the mech and brings out new ones that include a vacuum cleaner and an electric welder. ESD sucks Jon toward him, then remembers that you need both hands to start a torch. He drops Jon and ignites the welder, but by then Jon has turned his arms into a giant water trough and throws the water on it to put it out. ESD sucks up the water before it can reach the torch, but the vacuum arm rusts, corrodes and falls off in a matter of seconds. ESD charges Jon swinging the torch; Jon points one arm up and one arm down and creates a barrel made of bricks that seal himself inside, protecting him from the torch. ESD kicks the barrel into the hull, which bounces back and hits him in the head (the actual head not the mech head). ESD collapses, rubbing his sores. Jon releases himself from the barrel and turns his arms into a pair of hedge trimmers.~

Farmer Jon: Now, little brother, it's time for that purifying...

~Jon places the shears around ESD's neck... and is stabbed from behind by Luiigii's laser sword. Luiigii pushes the blade through Jon so that the handle gets stuck in him, then turns it off.~

Farmer Jon: Marrrrrthaaaaa... ~dies~

Luiigii: Purify that...

~ESD gets up, holding his head with one hand, and puts the other hand on Luiigii's shoulder.~

ESD: That's my boy. Go back to your friends. When the time is right (assuming we haven't already), you will kill Golem yourself. They won't even suspect it, I'm sure...

Luiigii: Yes... father. ~collapses again from bullet wounds~

ESD: Must I do everything myself? ~puts a parachute on Luiigii and throws him out the Flying Monkey, then glances back at Jon and jumps out himself~

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