Gamehiker Member OG 8 Page 5

Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 8 Archive

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Episode 61: "Some Stuff Happens... I Dunno... It Might End In an Explosion If You're Really Good" by Vorpal

~Oval Office, President Vorpal is signing some papers or something~

Flutter: *bursts in* It's bad, sir! Those six guys we've code-named: "The Six Marauders" are eating through our tanks like they were carrot cake.

Pres. Vorpal: That sounds like an overly specific analogy.

Flutter: What?

Pres. Vorpal: Nevermind. All right, so what do you propose to do about it?

Flutter: Sir, I have prepared five unthinkable options, any of which will have dire consequences. *spreads out five manila folders, labeled Options 1-5"

Pres. Vorpal: Meh *shrugs* I choose three.

Flutter: Uhmm... higher.

Pres. Vorpal: Five?

Flutter: Lower.

Pres. Vorpal: One?

Flutter: Higher.

Pres. Vorpal: Three?

Flutter: You already said that.

Pres. Vorpal: Six?

Flutter: There is no six.

Pres. Vorpal: *narrows eyes... even though they're behind shades* Exactly!

(Take that Simpsons Movie!)

Flutter: What?

Pres. Vorpal: All of these options are no good! *throws them off the desk* I go with option six!

~Awkward Silence~

Flutter: Which is?

Pres. Vorpal: THE RONALD RAY-GUN!

Flutter: But, sir, that's a anti-missile defense system located in the Statue of Liberty's torch! It can't hit a ground target all the way from New York City!

Pres. Vorpal: I don't want excuses! Take... I dunno... MagiKoopa with you, and find some way to get the Ronald Ray-Gun to DC!

Flutter: But--

Pres. Vorpal: Okay! Take Luigi with you, too! He's currently on my side again, right?

Flutter: He changes sides so often, sir, I really can't say for sure.

Pres. Vorpal: *to walkie-talkie* Luigi.

Luigi: *over walkie-talkie* Yes?

Pres. Vorpal: Are you on my side right now?

Luigi: I dunno... what day of the week is it?

Pres. Vorpal: Funny. I need you to go to New York with Flutter and MagiKoopa, and bring the Ronald Ray-Gun to DC to take out the Six Marauders!

Luigi: All right. I captured another duplicate... mine... where are you holding the others?

Pres. Vorpal: The "Undisclosed Location" we send Ditto when things get difficult.

Luigi: The unisex bathroom at the local Subway, got it.

~Undisclosed Location, AKA the unisex bathroom at the local Subway~

Luiigii: Ugh... where am I? Last I remember I was kicking butt, and then this Inspector Gadget knock-off takes a cheap shot at me...

Luigi: Much obliged. *to PWD* He was carrying this. *hands PWD the Limitless Drive* I also overheard something about Pearls of Mystery needed to power it. I gotta get to New York..... Also... this is pretty roomy for a unisex bathroom.

PW Deeson: *shrugs* It works.

~Luigi leaves and a few minutes later President Vorpal arrives.~

Pres. Vorpal: *paces back and forth in front of all the captives... which conveniently include everyone except for the Six Marauders* So, we've captured all these invaders... from space, maybe? .... Or from an alternate dimension!? An evil one! Filled with fake President Vorpals!?!

Vorpal: I'm President in the Neautral Timeline!? Neat! I thought I was just speaking hypothetically earlier!

Pres. Vorpal: Do you have any idea how much this hurts my already dwindling approval ratings? Now people will be wondering if I'm actually the President, or just some clone that looks and acts exactly like me, the replaced me.... or something!

Donkeyman: Look... this is great and all, but we'd like to restore the Good Timeline, return to it....

Vorpal: I don't know about that...

Triple-Steel & Independent Groups: Yeah!

Donkeyman: ....and resurrect Golem, so I can... I dunno... kill him again... but I gotta have him back for everything to work out between me and Sapphire.

Sapphire: In your dreams!

Pres. Vorpal: Golem? .... Why does that name sound familiar?

~DC Mall~

~The Six Marauders are still taking out tanks and stuff, but around the corner stomps the Statue of Liberty, with Flutter, Luigi and MagiKoopa riding in the crown.~

Flutter: That was an excellent idea filling the Statue of Liberty with Ooze, and playing jumpy 80's music to bring it to life and bring it back to DC. Where in the world did you get an idea like that?

Luigi: I dunno... a dream maybe?

MagiKoopa: I think it was on Tenchi Muyo once.

Flutter: Whatever, let's take out these Marauders!

Flutter, Luigi, & Magikoopa: RONALD RAY-GUN! FIRE!

~The Statue of Liberty points it's torch directly at the Six Marauders, then lets out a blast of gigantic proportions, causing a huge explosion where the Six Marauders once stood.~

Episode 62: "Completely Irrelevant" by Golem

~Elsewhere, in a Maryland apartment completely unrelated to the story...

Cat sits on the edge of his couch as he watches CNN.~

Cat: . . .

~Golem's ghost slinks into the room through the floor. He sits on the couch next to Cat.~

Golem: Pretty exciting stuff, isn't it?

Cat: AUGH! ~jumps off the couch to face Golem~ What am... but you're...

Golem: I'm the ghost of you from a parallel timeline. I just wanted to see how you were doing.

Cat: Ah... huh. I'm, uh, doing fine. But what was that parallel thing you were talking about?

Golem: Timeline. Yeah, apparently back in 2000 the TASTS split time into three paths. I'm from what they call the Good Timeline, and this is the Neutral Timeline.

Cat: Who's "they"?

Golem: Er, I don't know. Oh, crap--~looks at watch~--I'm late for my trial!

Cat: Your trial?

Golem: Yeah, God's underlings are putting me on trial to decide whether I go to Heaven, Purgatory, Hell, or Weirdamonium. It's standard procedure.

Cat: Weirdamonium?!

Golem: I'd explain but I really gotta go! Nice talking to you! ~sinks through the floor~

~Cat plops back down onto the couch.~

Cat: ...Huh.

~Golem comes back up, startling Cat.~

Golem: By the way, you'd make a cool paranormal investigator. Cat Investigations: Call the Cat!

~Golem goes back down.~

Cat: ...Huh.

Episode 66: "Time to Lose Your Excitement" by GORE-ILLA

Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 8 Archive

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5