GCPA Sidequests Part 5

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

This round starts off with Mt. Everest Trek, which was written in an AIM chat like most sidequests. Most of the others are written in a very different and new OGing method, with multiple writers working at one computer- either taking turns at the keyboard or funneling everything into one typist.

Mt. Everest Trek

by GORE-ILLA, That Krazy Dude, Salama, Lupine and Jebus on November 4, 2005

Note: The original version of the story was instead set in the Himalayas. The Himalayas are non-canon, but Mt. Everest isn't.

No Title Can Properly Describe this

by GORE-ILLA, No Name and Stampede on November 7, 2005

Dinosaurs in the Mist

by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, No Name, Stampede and Edwin on November 14, 2005

Some high school geeks present:

The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada: Dinosaurs in the Mist

*The GCPA escape a rap concert in Mr. T's van as it explodes around them.*

Lupine: We're not gonna make it!

Mr. T: (shoves his foot on the pedal) WE'RE GONNA MAKE IT!!!

*The van goes off a ramp as one last giant explosion envelopes the concert hall right behind them.*

Han Solo: Great shot, kid! That was one in a million!

No Name: This guy again? I thought you got a restraining order!

Scruffy: It's tied up in the courts!

Lupine's Fruity Owl: I'm a hummingbird, but I do more sucking then humming!

Edwin: Thank you, movie critic Gene Charlotte!

*Cap'n lights inscence candles*

Scruffy: I need to get in the mood.

Miss Knight: Stampede, I need you to do me a favor! *funky porn music plays*

Scruffy: WOOOOO! What's that!

Miss Knight: (takes out a music board) Thanks, for the music sample Matt!

No Name: So did you get that extra-credit Geometry question?

Stampede: I dunno, I wasn't sure which angles counted.

Que Pasa: No, stop talking about the work outside of class! You're letting them win!

*50 Cent walks up to them with his body charred and everything.*

Lupine: You okay?

50 Cent: I got blown up nine times!

Que Pasa: (drops a bomb in Fifty's arms, and he explodes)

50 Cent: I got blown up ten times! (steps on a land mine) I got blown up eleven times! (Que Pasa continuosly tosses bombs to Fitty) Twelve times! Thitreen! Fourteen! Fifteen! (silence)

Lupine's Fruity Owl: Fifteen. Fifteen explosions to the center of a rapper.

No Name: I didn't know he could talk.

Que Pasa: I didn't know you were so damn ugly. (grabs the PSP out of Edwin's hands and eats it) Pay attention fool!

Lupine: Shut up, I challenge you to a staring contest!

*Que Pasa and Lupine stare at each other for a few minutes.*

Que Pasa: Your eyes... I can see forever in them... (Lupine collapses out of creeped outness) Ha I win!

*Lupine gets back up and smacks him with a wooden bat.*

Scruffy: Fools, get over here! We have a new mission.

Zordon: Rangers we have a new mission! Rita is planning to attack the earth with some stupid easily beaten monster that we have to summon the mega zord and cause massive destruction for no reason!

Siren: I dunno, are there any other missions we could take?

Scruffy: The only other mission is a treasure chest guarded by an octopus.

Siren: Pass.

*SIREN REMEMBERS HER LAST INCIDENT WITH AN OCTOPUS...*

Scruffy: You okay there, Siren? You look a litt-

Siren: *SHOUTING* I HAVE THE RIGHT TO DEFEND MYSELF!!! *SPRAYS MACE IN SCRUFFY'S EYES*

Scruffy: AHHH!!! MY EYES!! WHY DID YOU SPRAY MACE IN MY EYES!?!?!?

*Suddenly Mace Windu and Anakin Skywalker are near Zordon, wielding their lightsabers and fighting fiercely.*

Anakin: ITS NOT THE JEDI WAY!!!

Mace: HE MUST DIE!!!

*Mace and Anakin's lightsabers both go flying out of their hands and hit Zordon's tank*

Zordon: AGHHH!!!! Please! Tell my wife, Mashed Potatoes, that I love her!!

Que Pasa: NO! I already ate her!!

Stampede: Out?

Que Pasa: Well, yeah, but I ate her completely afterwards.

Stampede: That is a really nice story!

Zordon: NO!!!!

*Zordon dies.*

Que Pasa: WHAT HAVE I DONE!?!?

Stampede: I don't know, but Anakin and Mace sure saved us a helluva lot money in Cloudy Face food.

No Name: I know! Feeding him is a pain in the ass!!

Anakin and Mace: Yo, fight us! Who will fight us?

*Krazy Dude stands up*

Krazy Dude: I-

Stampede and No Name: We will!

Krazy Dude: Okay then! *SITS DOWN AND EATS CHIPS*

*Stampede and No Name draw their Black-Crystal Lightsabers*

No Name: I'm taking Anakin!

Stampede: Okay then! Mace, this is for Krazy Dude's sister, who you raped and killed!!

Mace: NO! I AM KRAZY DUDE'S SISTER!!! *TAKES OFF MASK AND REVEALS...QUEEN LATIFAH!!!*

Krazy Dude: NO!!

Stampede: WHERE IS THE REAL SAMUEL L. JACKSON!?!?

Anakin: *PULLS OFF MASK* ITS ME!!

Stampede: The fuck!? Then who's the real Hayden Christensen!?

Natalie Portman: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!

No Name: Then who's the real Natalie Portman!?

Fat Albert: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!!

No Name: Then who's the real Fat Albert!?

Nia: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!!

Stampede: THE FUCK!? WHO THE FUCK IS THE REAL NIA!?

Lupine: *PULLS OFF MASK* ME!! AND ITS BEEN ME YOU'VE BEEN GOING OUT WITH!!!

No Name: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Que Pasa: ALL RIGHT! ANYONE ELSE WHO'S STILL WEARING A MASK, TAKE IT OFF NOW!

*Everybody pulls off masks to reveal the original participants of this story. 'Cept Zordon. He became Jessica Alba*

Stampede: Hey, you're still dead, dude.

Patten: NO!!! WHY DID JESSICA ALBA HAVE TO DIE!?!?!? *Patten becomes a necrophiliac and fucks the dead corpse repeatedly, but finds out that it was not actually Jessica Alba, it was Mr. Noble. This strange turn of events turns Patten McGroin to the Dark Side, and he is now dubbed...DARTH CURRY!!! But we'll explain that later. BACK TO THE STORY!!!*

*NEMO EXPLODES*

Darth Curry: Quit changing the subject! I'm tired of being forgotten by you damn writers!

*The writers hit Darth Curry in the stomach with a gigantic pen*

Writers: YOU SHUT UP AND WAIT YOUR TURN!! MAYBE IF YOU POSTED EVERY NOW AND THEN!!

Darth Curry: Fair...enough...*FAINTS*

*NOW REALLY BACK TO THE STORY*

Edwin: Got any threes?

Scruffy: Nope go fish.

*Que Pasa eats card deck*

That Krazy Dude: I hope this story doesn't become as weird as TV Production class...

[flashback]

*Mr. Meyer walks into the classroom ten minutes after class starts.*

Mr. Meyer: I'll take attendence now. Vittori Ferrari...

Vittori: Here!

Mr. Meyer: Any relationship to the car?

Vittori: No...

Mr. Meyer: Okay, Joshua St. Martin. Any relationship to the St. Martin's Island?

Josh: What?

Mr. Meyer: Brian Vivas. Viva las Vivas! I can't pronounce this name, help me out... Da... de... du...

David: David.

Mr. Meyer: Okay, good. Now I want to tell you about digital video technology, like your iPods.

That Krazy Dude: I have one on me.

Mr. Meyer: Good, hand it to me.

*That Krazy Dude gives Mr. Meyer the iPod. Mr. Meyer stuffs the iPods into his mouth and eats it.*

[/flashback]

Scruffy: This is dragging on for too long. Where's our anticlimatic enemy?

*The floor opens up, and Darth Curry pops out.*

Darth Curry: Haha- (is forgotten by the writers and disappears. His place is taken by Count Gonad)

Count Gonad: I'm back, and I'm Tonka tuff!

Que Pasa: Back in Black?

Count Gonad: Damn Right! Too cool for school!

Que Pasa: Nice like ice?

Count Gonad: Ice cold!

Que Pasa: OOOOh!

Count Gonad: For this final battle I shall choose the four of you who have had little screen time in this thing! (summons Siren, That Krazy Dude, Mini-Myself and Salama)

*Count Gonad gets into some funky-ass giant robot as he moves in on the four.*

That Krazy Dude: (plants mop in the ground like a flag) For the artichoke!

Salama: Let's summon the Megazord! Oh no, but Zordon is dead...

Zordon: I'm still with you in spirit! (spirit is eaten by Que Pasa)

Count Gonad: HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.... eh.

Que Pasa: You know Cap'n you should use this life experience to write that novel...you know that novel...that one you should you write...the novel....to draw from life experience..write the novel.. {Editor's Note: I do not affiliate myself with this stolen line in any way, shape or form)

*Count Gonad's Robot charges forward with a Penis Blade and slashes it around as everyone struggles to dodge it.*

Mini-Myself: We need a giant robot of some sort!

*They all look at Salama. It's impossible for Salama to become smaller, so when Mini-Myself tries shrinking him Salama grows instead to the size of the robot. Both begin grappling. Edwin bungee-jumps into the battle and transmutes the Penis Blade into a giant Corn Dog, which Salama mindlessly eats.*

Count Gonad: Dammit! Dammit, dammit, damn something else!

*Count Gonad's robot tries running, but That Krazy Dude vomits all over the ground. The robot slips over it and breaks down.*

That Krazy Dude: You lose, General Pastrani.

Count Gonad: Not yet... (his beard comes to life and punches That Krazy Dude into Salama, who falls over towards Mini-Myself)

Mini-Myself: Oh crap...

Gonad: Bam!

Siren: Not yet!

*Siren wheels in a catapult regurgitated by Que Pasa, then puts the catapult behind Salama and launches him back at Count Gonad.*

Count Gonad: My only regret is that I did not use any more innuendo-related weapons! (holds onto Nemo passionately in the last moments before they're both crushed beneath Salama)

Scruffy: It's over! We won! I feel proud even though I did absolutely nothing to contribute to this!

*Everyone holds hands and sings Christmas carols.*

Lupine: I prepared a cake for this occasion!

*Lupine pulls open a curtain, and behind it they see Frzngld with electric prongs hooked up to his nipples.*

Frzngld: Get out! Ge- ge- get out! (accidentally breaks the power generator with his duck hand, setting the ship on fire)

*Everyone laughs in a sitcom matter while the ship burns around them.*

Mr. T: The end... Now get out! (throws you helluva far)

Saget Vs. Teytleboym

Written by Lupine and That Krazy Dude on November 16, 2005

The Adventures of Scruffy and Que Pasa: Harry Potter and the Mystery of Where the Hell the Light Rail is

by Scruffy and GORE-ILLA on November 20, 2005

Light Rail Adventures

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10