Difference between revisions of "GCPA Sidequests Part 7"

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{{TOCright}}
 
{{TOCright}}
  
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=The Thing on Newport- Based on a True Story Blown Horribly Out of Proportion=
+
=The Newport/Hoboken Chronicles Part 2=
  
−
''by the first mate, the janitor, the nameless one, and I think the marksman did some stuff too on December 2, 2005''
+
''by No Name on December 28, 2005''
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>A tiny-ass clown car pulls up in front of Newport Mall and opens. That Krazy Dude, Que Pasa, No Name, his brother Some Name, Edwin, Stampede, Shiny Stallone, Salama, Karl (the angry black man trying to get out the hood), Lupine and some girl named Liz pour out and enter the mall.*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>At Newport...*
  
−
Stampede: That is a nice car!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Stampede, Krazy Dude, Shiny Stallone, No Name, his brother Some Name, Karl (the angry black man who's trying to get outta the hood), Edwin, Salama, and Patten McGroin assemble in the food court at a random table.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Mini-Myself lent it from us.
+
Shiny: *drinks Coca Cola from Popeyes* Man, this is good!
  
−
Que Pasa: We would've been here sooner if Lupine wasn't so damn late.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Krazy walks up to the table with a drink from Panda Express. Both Shiny's drink and Krazy's drink are medium yet Krazy's drink is much larger than Shiny's.*
  
−
Lupine: I'm sorry master, please forgive me!
+
Shiny: Yo, what the hell? Why's your drink so much bigger than mine?
  
−
Edwin: Where's the Cap'n?
+
Krazy: Because the panda owns the chicken no matter what! *cheesy thumbs up*
  
−
Karl: He couldn't make it. Homework.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>In the background you see the giant chicken from Family Guy get its ass kicked by a panda. The two of them near the edge and "finish him" is heard. The panda uppercuts the chicken who flies off the third floor of Newport and drops down onto the unnecessarily large, spiky object shop and dies.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere, Scruffy poses dramatically in a pile of books.*
+
Stampede: Hey, weren't Cap'n and Que Pasa supposed to be here?
  
−
Scruffy: POR QUE????!!!
+
Krazy: They're busy with a mission so we're gonna have to go to our secondary homes after we're done here.
  
−
Mr. T: We have to stop meeting like this, fool.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Somewhere far away...*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere at the mall...*
+
Cap'n: Watch out, Que Pasa! *throws fireball at flesh-eating zombie penguins*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Liz punches Nemo and he dies.*
+
Mr. T: I pity the penguin who dare to eat T's flesh!
  
−
Krazy: Off to the food court!
+
Que Pasa: Hey, did anyone see American Dad yesterday?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The crew heads to the escalator which will take them up to the food court.*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Back at Newport...*
  
−
Que Pasa: Hey, who's that?
+
No Name: I'm sure they're fine!
  
−
Stampede: NOOO!!! IT'S......
+
Salama: Hey Krazy, you told me Liz was gonna be here too!
  
−
Abbasi: That's right it's me, Abbasi the doctor who doesn't have anything to do with medical science and the destroyer of any fun moments that you could possibly have! And now I'm the escalator monitor so I can prevent you from having fun in your precious mall.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere Liz is at a party with the other people in her "group" while they "work on a project".*
  
−
No Name: Move out of the way Abbasi!
+
Patten: She'll be here sooner or later.
  
−
Abbasi: (plants staff in the ground) YOU SHALL NOT PASS!!!!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The crew wanders around the mall aimlessly while several of them complain about not doing anything. Stampede devours a Mcdonald's burger while Some Name steals Salama's seat while Salama's waiting at Mcdonald's even though he was further up on the line than Stampede who already has his food. Patten gets bored and calls Liz to see when she's going to Newport*
  
−
Liz: Who the hell's this angry middle eastern man?
+
Patten *on phone*: Yo Liz, where are you?
  
−
Abbasi: THAT'S IT! SATURDAY DETENTION!!
+
Liz *bassline is heard in background and shouts of drunken nerds are heard*: Oh, um...I'm on the bus?
  
−
Krazy: Penis?
+
Patten: .....Okay, I'll see you in a bit then.
  
−
Stampede: But today's Saturday.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Liz finally manages to meet up with the crew*
  
−
Abbasi: Then it's time for you to serve your detention! Come my hall monitor minions!!!
+
No Name: Finally now can we head to Hoboken before my ticket expires! I only have until 4:53. *looks at watch. the time is 4:53* NOOOO!!! *gets tackled by literail security*
  
−
Krazy: Hahaha they're coming alright...on your mom!! OOOOHHH!!!!!
+
Some Name: Wait, he's not even on the literail!
  
−
Abbasi: You mock the great Abbasi!?
+
Karl: Now you know what it's like to not escape the hood!
  
−
Liz: You mock the great Abassi?
+
Literail Security Officer: That black man hasn't escaped the hood! Get him! *tackles Karl*
  
−
Abbasi: Stop it!!!
+
Stampede: Wow, that's really fucked up!
  
−
Liz: Stop it!!!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Later on, the crew heads to Hoboken.*
  
−
Abbasi: I'm stupid!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>While in Hoboken...*
  
−
Liz: You're stupid!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The crew wanders around the streets of Hoboken thinking that they're going to get some food*
  
−
Abbasi: ARG! thats it! get them!
+
Edwin: Yo, where's Karl?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Out of the shadows and Victoria's secret store come Dr. Abbasi's hall monitors. they run out doing kung fu style mid-air flips for no actual reason and take out their inhalers afterward. Several of them block the bottom of the escalator, some stand by their master's side and the rest go straight for the crew*
+
Krazy: He's probably finishing the job that I started on your mo.m
  
−
Vegeta: Don't worry I know how to deal with them...Bulma, Trunks...I love you! *Vegeta blows up and when the dust settles he is in stone and everyone else is alive, unharmed, then he falls over and shatters.*
+
Liz: Hey, who's that?
  
−
Edwin: Wow, that wasn't necessary....*plants c4 to escalators while Real Folk Blues play*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>A not so angry black man who has escaped from the hood runs up to the crew. He looks very much like Karl except he's wearing a hat that says "JR" and a cape with a cheeseburger on it. And for some reason this man was wearing a black sweatshirt that says "BROWN" in white letters.*
  
−
Stampede: Run!!!
+
Edwin: Who are you?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Boom*
+
Johnny Rocket: I am Johnny Rocket, the hero who battles injustice with delicious sandwiches and cheeseburgers. So you are all hungry I see. How about some Johnny Rocket's burgers?
  
−
Karl: Wow...we still aren't harmed!
+
No Name: Hey look it's a Subway!
  
−
</nowiki>*</nowiki>A secret agent comes flying from the skylight and rescues the crew.*
+
Stampede: Let's eat fresh!
  
−
No Name: Wow, who are you?
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Jared runs in.*
  
−
Agent: My name is Master... Master Bates. *gets shoot in the back of the head by Abassi*
+
Jared: Your mom eats fresh!!
  
−
Abassi: None shall pass this impenetrable wall of boredom!
+
Krazy: Oh SHIT!!!
  
−
Tom Cruise: I WILL!!!
+
Johnny Rocket: ....Oh....*runs off*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Random male models walk past*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The sound of changing clothes is heard in between angry swearing and Karl runs up to the crew.*
  
−
Tom Cruise: ....Be right back...*runs away*
+
Karl: Hey guys, what did I miss?
  
−
Edwin: ....gaaaaaay!
+
Salama: You missed Johnny Rocket!!!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Tom Cruise runs back a few minutes later, only to be squirted in the face with water until he passes out.*
+
Karl: Oh cool. Oh hey look, a Subway!
  
−
Que Pasa: Wait! I have an idea!
+
Salama: Oooh, let's go there!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa runs up to Abbasi and pokes him. Abbasi overly-dramatically attempts to dodge out of the way and winds up falling off the second floor and crashes on the bottom floor. Abbasi lays there twitching as sad music plays. His mob of hall monitoring minions run to his aid and carry him away to the Abbasi-mobile. Right before they reach the door they explode violently taking down several people with them including the dude who was wearing the Santa Claus costume and the strange dude from Yankee Candle*
+
Shiny: Salama, are you hungry again?
  
−
Candle Dude: You like leche? You want million dollaru?
+
Salama: Hey, my dad told me not to eat the food court but he never said anything about eating the subway!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>They finally arrive at the food court.*
+
Shiny: You fat fuck.
  
−
Shiny Stallone: Eat what you want. I own all of these restaurants.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Several sandwiches, bags of chips, and sodas later, the crew heads to Barnes & Noble.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Salama bankrupts nearly the entire food court within .01 seconds.*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Salama reads a book of strange facts about sperm and other weird things. Karl and Krazy Dude wander over to the cultural books section. Karl finds a book about black penises and their sizes which is described by some dude who wrote a book about vaginas as disgusting yet intriguing. As he reads the book he looks over to see Dr. Nina talking to Edwin, Stampede, Shiny, and No Name a few feet away from him. Karl hastily puts the book away and walks off awkwardly as Krazy follows*
  
−
Que Pasa: Hey, that Mongolian Barbecue place ripped me off! I only have forty-two cents left!
+
Karl: You didn't see anything. We were there looking at the book about American women and no one will ever know other than you, me, and whoever is reading this post right now.
  
−
Shiny Stallone: That happens to be the only restaurant here I don't own.
+
Krazy *speaking loudly*: DON'T WORRY KARL, I WON'T TELL ANYONE YOU WERE LOOKING AT A BOOK ABOUT BLACK PENISES!!!
  
−
Que Pasa: (sees No Name shuffling through hundreds of dollars) Hey man, lend me some money!
+
Karl: ....God dammit Krazy Dude!
  
−
No Name: Hell no.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The crew tires of Hoboken and decides to part ways at the literail station. They head over to the station.*
  
−
Que Pasa: (starts crying) You never buy me nice things anymore!
+
Shiny: Hey, look at this crappy thing on the lamp post. *kicks the cover at the bottom of the lamp post and it falls off with a loud bang* Oh shit!!! *everyone runs away*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Everyone starts hanging around the arcade area. There Stampede and No Name, along with help from Some Name, play Lethal Enforcers for hours until they beat it.*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The crew reaches Hoboken Terminal.*
  
−
Stampede: That was a good game!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Liz knees No Name in the ass*
  
−
No Name: Hero-Hero Policeman!
+
No name: Ow, my ass! You just drove your knee into my ass. Not even on the butt cheek, but right in the center!
  
−
Stampede: Yeah, you played real good.
+
Liz: I love doing that!
  
−
No Name: Hero-Hero Policeman! Hero-Hero Policeman!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The crew finally gets their tickets and no one notices Karl get on the west side lite rail to go home. As the lite rail car leaves, it explodes violently with Karl in it.*
  
−
Stampede: You okay? You have been playing that game for a while...
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The crew parts ways and go onto separate lite rail cars. Patten, Stampede, Liz, and Edwin go onto one and No Name, Some Name, Krazy Dude, Salama, and Shiny get onto another. The first lite rail car with Liz, Patten, Edwin, and Stampede on it takes off but tde-rails and slams into a wall tragically just after it went out of sight*
  
−
No Name: Hero-Hero Policeman! (starts crying and hands Stampede a gun, then points to his head) Hero-Hero Policeman...
+
Some Name: So wassup, guys?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Instead of shooting No Name, Stampede simply shoots the machine and Que Pasa pours out.*
+
Shiny: Oh shit, I forgot to validate my lite rail ticket! *runs off the lite rail*
  
−
Stampede: How the hell did you get in there?
+
No Name: *sticks his head out the doorway* NO SHINY, DON'T BE A HERO!!!
  
−
Que Pasa: Everyone else ditched me, so I went into the arcade machine to cry.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Shiny avoids nuclear missiles and land mines and finally reaches the ticket validater. He rushes back, avoiding more explosives, and steps onto the lite rail*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The three look around and see everyone else gone.*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The lite rail pulls into Newport and No Name, Some Name, and Krazy Dude get off. They head into Newport as the lite rail gets hit by a plane.*
  
−
No Name: (has forgotten the brainwashing) Hang on, I'll call them. (dials on cell phone) Hello, Krazy? Where are you? Spencer's? Spencer's? SPENCER'S? Okay bye.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Krazy Dude, Some Name, and No Name walk through Newport. No Name and Some Name part ways with Krazy Dude as Krazy heads to EB Games while No Name and Some Name head for the Mcdonald's where they'll get picked up by their parents and head home. As Krazy walks to the EB Games, he is hit by a flaming lite rail car that plows through the wall and collides into him.*
  
−
Que Pasa: What the hell are they doing at Spencer's? What the hell IS Spencer's?
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>No Name and Some Name head home and they go to sleep. But they hear a strange noise and both wake up to see several lite rail cars in their room. The house explodes violently, thus ending the second part of the Newport/Hoboken Chronicles*
  
−
Stampede: We'll hunt them down.
+
=Pirates Vs. Ninjas II=
  
−
Que Pasa: (looks over balcony) They're downstairs, running away!
+
''by Scruffy, Que Pasa and That Krazy Dude on January 27, 2006''
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa, Stampede and No Name run off after the others. Elsewhere Karl the angry black man trying to get out the hood has stopped to buy bubble tape.*  
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>One day Scruffy, Krazy Dude and Que Pasa wake up and find the rest of the crew... is gone!*
  
−
Karl: Hey, where'd everyone go? Wait, what's that- AHHH why you gotta go after the black people first?!!
+
Mr. Scruffy: =O
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Back at the ranch, Que Pasa and the others have caught up to the others despite their numerous attempts to ditch them. Then they notice the absence of Karl, the angry black man trying to get out the hood.*
+
That Krazy Dude: Where is everyone!?
  
−
Liz: We have to find him. Why don't we-
+
Mr. Scruffy: (runs around scared) (trips) (explodes)
  
−
Que Pasa: Let's split up!
+
That Krazy Dude: Where's Lupine? Who's gonna make my crappy breakfast!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa and Lupine wander the area.*
+
Mr. Scruffy: Where's Stampede?
  
−
Lupine: Why'd you have to make us split up? The monster thing's sure to get us now!
+
That Krazy Dude: He's never on anymore!
  
−
Que Pasa: You act like I don't make stupid decisions like this all the time! Remember that time with the Mystery Box?
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Don't worry, I'm substitute chef. (eats a bran muffin and regurgitates it for the others to eat)
  
−
[flashback]
+
Mr. Scruffy: Now nobody to say I suck then sucker punch me!
  
−
Peter: Lois, a boat's a boat, but a mystery box can be anything! It can even be a boat! And you know how much we've wanted one of those!
+
That Krazy Dude: Hasn't been on for over a week. *pokes food with fork*
  
−
Lois: Then let's just get the-
+
First Mate Que Pasa: We don't need them! We can make it on our own!
  
−
Peter: I'll take it!
+
Mr. Scruffy: (food goes through table) Um, you sure this is edible?
  
−
[/flashback]
+
That Krazy Dude: *food springs at him as he dodges out the way, and it flies off the deck and into the ocean*
  
−
Lupine: That wasn't even you!
+
Mr. Scruffy: (fish rise dead to the surface) So, we just wiped another species out.
  
−
Que Pasa: Don't worry, we have everyone's cell phone numbers. Check in with Krazy.
+
That Krazy Dude: Yay! So what do we do now that everyone's like...gone and stuff?
  
−
Lupine: (dials cell phone) ...No answer.
+
Mr. Scruffy: I guess search for them.
  
−
Que Pasa: Uh... maybe we'll find one of them in here.
+
That Krazy Dude: ...Do we have to?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>They open a door and find a disturbing sight within.*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Now we're just a Golden Cheesecake Pirate Company, but we can still make it good- come on, let's do some pillaging!
  
−
Nemo: Oh... oh... oh... BAM! Right in the kisser.
+
Mr. Scruffy: We can be like detectives. (they go into town and get caught by navy)
  
−
Mr. Brancato: Yum.
+
That Krazy Dude: We can take em, it's only 3 to 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999.
  
−
Meggan: (takes pictures) I have proof!
+
Mr. Scruffy: (imitation voice) Now we're just a Golden Cheesecake Pirate Company, but we can still make it good- come on, let's do some pillaging!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa and Lupine close the door and run off. Lupine stops and looks around while Que Pasa continues running.*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Your mom's an imitation voice.
  
−
Lupine: Something's watching us...
+
That Krazy Dude: Your mom's an imitation.
  
−
Que Pasa: Nothing's watching us! (turns around and sees Lupine gone) Okay maybe there is.
+
Mr. Scruffy: Both your moms are imitations of eachother's moms' voices and what suckas?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa runs around the mall paranoid and jumps out the window, and he winds up landing by the light rail.*
+
That Krazy Dude: And you're an imitation of an imitation of penis!
  
−
Que Pasa: Can it be... the legendary light rail? At last I behold it with my own eyes! (pauses) Why do I hear suspenseful music in the background?
+
Mr. Scruffy: That's not what your mom said last night in bed OHHHH!!!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa turns around and screams... as Mr. Meyer lumbers out of some very big shadows.*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: (sneaks into one of the navy bunkers. First goes into the bathroom and smashes a guy's head into the mirror while he's taking a tinkle. But Lieutenant Baby-Eater sprays him with fear gas, sets him on fire and shoves him out a window) That didn't go well.
  
−
Mr. Meyer: Hello John.
+
Mr. Scruffy: Ouch.
  
−
Que Pasa: You're the mysterious monster who's been hunting us all down? What have you done to the others?
+
That Krazy Dude: Ow.
  
−
Mr. Meyer: They're all safe for now. I have wasted my money and need food, so I decided to use them. I have kept them in a freezer until I'm hungry enough to eat them all since that girl said it'd be an insult to the Ethiopians to waste food.
+
First Mate Que Pasa: *Officers beat him while he's on the ground on fire.* Help?
  
−
Que Pasa: You fiend! How could you?
+
That Krazy Dude: *stares for five minutes* ......... WE HAVE TO HELP HIM!!!!!
  
−
Mr. Meyer: You don't understand. I'm just like you. I wasted my money... on a Mongolian Barbecue! The hunger will consume you too!
+
(Nemo is in a train car and he is left as the train falls through numerous parking lots, concrete, and pillars, then crashes into some cars and explodes.)
  
−
Que Pasa: No! I'll never be like you!
+
That Krazy Dude: *runs to help him but trips and falls off a randomly placed cliff*
  
−
Mr. Meyer: Yes you will. Even though you were raised by the bears I hate, you have grown to hate them too, and so we are even more alike. With your help we can get all the food we need to survive in this mall!
+
Mr. Scruffy: You think he is alive?
  
−
Que Pasa: If I refuse?
+
First Mate Que Pasa: NAVAL BRUTALITY!
  
−
Mr. Meyer: (does his impersonation of a camera which summons a swarm of dolphins)
+
That Krazy Dude: *Nemo's head rolls to Scruffy's feet* Guess not.
  
−
Que Pasa: Oh, and by the way... (sings the Smallville theme into a DS microphone to summon a swarm of bears) I have made peace with my bear brethren.
+
Mr. Scruffy: That answered my question pretty clearly.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The bears and the dolphins break into into wild battle. Mr. Meyer scrambles through the madness.*
+
That Krazy Dude: Indeed.
−
 
 
−
Mr. Meyer: How do I get out of this? Let me think- bears can't run downhill or parallel park...
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa dropkicks Mr. Meyer into the railroad tracks. The bright light of a train is seen approaching- the huge-assest train ever, the Polar Express.*
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: You see that light at the end of the tunnel? That's not Heaven!
 
−
 
 
−
Mr. Meyer: I'LL KILL YOU, I'LL KILL YOU!!!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The train bounces off of Mr. Meyer and flies into space.*
 
−
 
 
−
Mr. Meyer: I should make a documentary about this experience.
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The bears bring back all the others from Mr. Meyer's fridge.*
 
−
 
 
−
Salama: It's not safe here. Let's take the light rail to Hoboken, where they have more food.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: So be it! I swear by the honor of my genitals, the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada shall travel to Hoboken!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Everyone gets on the train and heads for Hoboken.*
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: So how was that Harry Potter movie you saw last time you were here?
 
−
 
 
−
Stampede: It was good, but Dreamer says there's a giant hole in the story.
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere Dreamer looks through the book until her hand gets stuck in a large hole in the book.*
 
−
 
 
−
Dreamer: What the... (is sucked into the hole)
 
−
 
 
−
Edwin: Enough of this! I want my own flashback- nay, demand it!
 
−
 
 
−
[flashback]
 
−
 
 
−
Edwin: Poppa, what's the world like outside Hudson County?
 
−
 
 
−
Edwin's Dad: There's nothing out there, son! Nothing but pain! (sobs) LORISSA!!!!
 
−
 
 
−
[/flashback]
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The light rail stops at Hoboken. They then run from their lives through the light rail station for no real reason.*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Dammit, we've lost Karl again!
 
−
 
 
−
Shiny Stallone: Wait, I see him- he's in that Johnny Rocket's across the street!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Everyone jaywalks across the street as Karl walks out of the restaurant, but he somehow looks different.*
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Karl?
 
  
−
Karl: That name no longer applies to me. I have finally gotten out of the hood. I... AM... JOHNNY ROCKET!!! (changes into 50's clothes to Happy Days) I fight crime now! (sees a jaywalker) Stop right there, jaywalker! You have to answer to me!
+
(Halo respawn counter reaches zero and Nemo respawns on top of fire and falls in)
  
−
Jaywalker: Yeah? What are you gonna do?
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Lieutenant Baby-Eater leaps down and swings around a long lead pipe and attacks the pirates with it.*
  
−
Johnny Rocket: (holds out a hamburger) Here!
+
Mr. Scruffy: Ouch man, that hurt!
  
−
Jaywalker: Thanks man! (eats the hamburger and walks away)
+
That Krazy Dude: *throws water from bucket at the pipe causing it to rust*
  
−
Johnny Rocket: Seen any other jaywalkers for me to mess up?
+
Mr. Scruffy: (takes pipe) (smacks him with it) How do you like I you?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Fifty years later...*
+
Baby-Eater: (cries and runs off, then explodes)
  
−
Jaywalker: ARGH (arteries explode)
+
That Krazy Dude: Sweet!
  
−
Johnny Rocket: It was worth the wait.
+
Mr. Scruffy: Who else wants a peace of pipey?
  
−
Morgan Freeman: And so Karl the angry black man trying to get out the hood finally got out the hood, and all was good again in Hoboken. But everywhere surrounding Hoboken was wiped out by nuclear winter.
+
(The navy runs away and explodes violently in a giant chain reaction.)
  
−
=The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Adventures Featuring Magilla Gorilla in: Crouching Testicle Hidden Penis=
+
Mr. Scruffy: That worked out pretty well.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>pounce*
+
That Krazy Dude: Yeah, actually it did.
  
−
Que Pasa: What's pounce?
+
First Mate Que Pasa: We're better off without those losers!
  
−
Edwin: This is! *slams Que Pasa through seven concrete walls*
+
That Krazy Dude: Yeah! We can handle things ourselves!
  
−
Que Pasa: Oh, that pounce! I thought you meant the sexual acts which is worth 3 dollars in Thailand and Lupine performs to himself when he find the nights too lonely.
+
Mr. Scruffy: Yeah, I know! (holding gold) Our first successful pillage in months!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa humps tv screaming for FOX to give him more...from brhind*
+
That Krazy Dude: Amazing.
  
−
Edwin: Alright, if you're into that.
+
Mr. Scruffy: Who needs those losers? We're good on our own!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Miss Knight walks onto the ship*
+
That Krazy Dude: Yeah.....
  
−
Miss Knight: Where's the bathroom?
+
Mr. Scruffy: We still need at least one chick though.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa stares at her and then swallows her whole..then she explodes in his stomach*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Where are we gonna find one of those?
  
−
Que Pasa: Talk about a heart burn...indigestion, upset stomach, diahrrea..OH PEPTO BISMOL!
+
That Krazy Dude: True.
  
−
Stampede: I want me some of what you're eating......
+
Mr. Scruffy: I dunno, Walgreen's may have a sale on them!
  
−
Que Pasa: You want Ms. Knight? Isn't that like bestiality or something?
+
That Krazy Dude: (checks sign) "Chicks aisle 5".
  
−
Edwin: I don't know here I'm going with this...
+
Mr. Scruffy: Excellent! Well guys, choose. I'll buy.
  
−
No Name: I don't know where your ever going!
+
That Krazy Dude: *looks around at the women*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Miss Ibrahim walks out of her class*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Hm... an okay selection...
−
 
 
−
Miss Ibrahim: I DON'T UNDERSTAND YOU! *walks away*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Lupine cries*
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: Nobody understands me! *cries more*..*sniff*...*cuts himself to Real Folk Blues*
 
−
 
 
−
wef
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: What the hell is wef?!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: I accidentally slammed the keyboard.
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: Well I accidentally slammed your mom with my male genitalia!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The ceiling explodes, and navy officers leap down.*
 
−
 
 
−
Captain Duck-Hand Frzlngd: You're under arrest because I feel like it!
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: Your mo- (kicked into a row of computers)
 
−
 
 
−
Shadow: Hand over the Chaos Emeralds! (starts bitch-slapping Dr. Eggman) MARIA (dashes off a cliff)
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: I AM SONIC! I CAN FLY! (jumps out window and lands in a box of glass, then gets attack by rabid dogs)
 
−
 
 
−
Edwin: OMG No Name, are you okay?
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: I need more Power Rings...
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: Enough! General Colonel Lieutenant Major Shogun Wiley, initiate Operation Over-Complicated Fight Scene!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The navy officers tear through the media center riding duck bikes but they wind up doing more random damage then actually attacking the pirates.*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: (tries spin-dashing but hits a coat rack) Get this stupid jacket out of my way!
 
−
 
 
−
Stampede: That's my jacket.
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Yeah, I know. (after Stampede looks away, tosses the jacket into a furnace)
 
−
 
 
−
Nemo: I'm a Dominican troll, comb my hair for good luck!
 
−
 
 
−
Stampede: *shoots Nemo in the face*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Robosexual collects the hair and sells it for hardware money.*
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: What the fuck is going on? Time to end this! (presses a button, and a Bioduck smashes through the wall)
 
−
 
 
−
Sonic: Shadow, let's get the Chaos Emeralds!
 
−
 
 
−
Shadow: Right!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>They begin jerking motion while emeralds glow around them, then they appear to ejaculate and turn super. Live and Learn starts to play*
 
−
 
 
−
Dr. Eggman: (over communicator) The Bioduck's weakness is in his boils!
 
−
 
 
−
Shadow: yea....by the way, why are you always with tails?
 
−
 
 
−
Sonic: We're life partners..........
 
−
 
 
−
Shadow: Awkwaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrsdrhgklbyklgi
 
−
 
 
−
Amy Rose: (over communicator) Great, keep up the good work!
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: Put Eggman back on, he always has something good to say.
 
−
 
 
−
Emily Rose: I'M POSSESED BY THE DEVIL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! *break neck* UIGERIBRBGSIDR
 
−
 
 
−
Edwin: Yeaaaaaah, maybe if we ignore her she'll go away *throws blanket over her*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Shadow and Sonic smash into the Bioduck until it explodes.*
 
−
 
 
−
Sonic: We did it!
 
−
 
 
−
Shadow: Maria... (turns back to normal form and falls down a few feet to the ground then dies)
 
−
 
 
−
Morgan Freeman: In memory of Shadow the Hedgehog. He lived 2001-2001, and 2004-2007.
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Krazy Dude runs in and slams navy officers into the wall with a penis-shaped battering ram.*
 
−
 
 
−
Nemo: (points to the ram) Can I borrow that when you're done?
 
−
 
 
−
Kelso: You know what your problem is.... I'm too good looking!
 
−
 
 
−
Nemo: Excellent...release the hounds!
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: (unzips pants)
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Stop right there, impostor! I'm the real Sonic!
 
−
 
 
−
Sonic: No way! We'll race around the world to see which of us is real!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: It's on!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Sonic dashes off. No Name runs after him, then falls out a window and into a box of glass, where he's attacked by rabid dogs for a third time.*
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: Enough of this tomfoolery!
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: Oh good, remind me later No Name to write that later....
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Nani?
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Frzlngd leaves runs out and comes back a few seconds later riding a dinosaur.*
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: Enough of this, pirates! This ends here!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The dinosaur starts spitting lasers and fries Nemo as it stomps forward.*
 
−
 
 
−
Pimp Named Slick back: My Name is a Pimp Named Slick Back!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: What?
 
−
 
 
−
Pimp Named Slick Back: IIIII said my name is a pimp named slick back!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: What?
 
−
 
 
−
Pimp Named Slick Back: *Takes pistols out* Bitch say "what" one more time and I blow ya head off neeei
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: I need back-up! (summons Count Gonad's cousin, Baron von Chodemeister)
 
−
 
 
−
Chodemeister: (pulls out a sword) I will collect your balls!
 
−
 
 
−
Mini-Myself: I WILL NOT ALLOW THIS!!! (leaps at the Chodemeister)
 
−
 
 
−
(Chodemeister dodges down a little bit and grabs Mini-Myself in his nuts and gropes them)
 
−
 
 
−
Chodemeister: Yes, interesting, oh yea!!!!!
 
−
 
 
−
Mr. Malkuwitz: This whole thing is disgusting! Disgusting, disgusting, disgusting, disgusting! ....Disgusting! I'm done.
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: You just lost all of your already little left dignity from the priest incident.
 
−
 
 
−
[flashback]
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Scruffy bites into a hamburger.*
 
−
 
 
−
[/flashback]
 
−
 
 
−
Adam West: AHAHAHA his name was Boner!...*sigh* I've failed.
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mini-Myself pulls himself away from Chodemeister just as the sword flies past. He kicks a navy officer off a duck bike and rides off a ramp in the middle of the media center, then jumps off as the motorcycle flies into the dinosaur's mouth.*
 
−
 
 
−
Mini-Myself: Aha!
 
−
 
 
−
Dinosaur: (eats motorcycle)
 
−
 
 
−
Mini-Myself: Well that makes my entire life leading up to this point meaningless.
 
−
 
 
−
Csp'n: Dammit, how will we get Mini back!?!?!
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: We have to wait for him to come out the other end *stares at dinosaur's butt*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mini expands and rips the dinosaurs stomach*
 
−
 
 
−
Mini: Look who I found... *puts down Gepeto and Pinocchio*
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: That's it! Finish them Chodemeister!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: I dare you to try, wimp! I'll go Super Sonic on you!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Chodemeister grabs No Name by the third leg and swings him around, then flings him out the window, and he misses the box of glass.*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Yes, I've broken the loop! (Chodemeister drops a box of glass and rabid dogs on him) NOOO FATE WINS AGAIN!!!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>They shove Siren towards Chodemister. He starts acting awkward and uncomfortable, then stumbles outside the window.*
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: We had to send either her or Lupine.
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Chodemeister lands in the alley and finds himself surrounded by the rabid dogs.*
 
−
 
 
−
Chodemeister: Oh... my friends...
 
−
 
 
−
Dog: Friends? You said we were the enemy!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The rapid dogs all pounce atop the Chodemeister in a sexual way, and their silhouettes are seen against the flames.*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Ah, poetic justice! As my life mate Tails would say, we all did it together!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Nemo comes dressed up as Tails.*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Not what I had in mind....
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Stampede shoots Nemo*
 
−
 
 
−
Stampede: Better?
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Much better...Let's have a sexy party!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Bunch of sexy girls with lingerie run in*
 
−
 
 
−
GCPA: Yea!
 
−
 
 
−
Dreamer: I objectify to this...stay after school to see the debate between guys and girls! Siren why are you joining these testosterone filled men!
 
−
 
 
−
Siren: Hey sexy is sexy! *Makes out with all girls*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: WOOOO!
 
−
 
 
−
Nemo: I don't like this!
 
−
 
 
−
Stampede: (Polishes his gun shaft)
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Everyone gathers around one extremely hot girl.*
 
−
 
 
−
Siren: Hey, what about me?
 
−
 
 
−
Stampede: Who?
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The extremely hot girl then fires a laser whip from her duck hand, tying up all the pirates that are crowded together around her, then sheds her skin to reveal Duck-Hand Frzlngd while Siren laughs at them.*
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: You're under arrest because I feel like it, and you kinda killed Baron von Chodemiester!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Frzlngd is crushed under a falling chandelier. All the pirates climb on top of the chandelier and start dancing around naked*
 
−
 
 
−
Morgan Freeman: With the villains defeated, the pirates decided to sneak out of the school to McDonald's before the late buses come. They find Mr. Greco and Ms. Lohf talking there and monitoring the exit. At first they try to wait for them to leave, but they just stay there so the pirates use subtle tactics to sneak past and continue on to McDonald's. In fact the two are still there when the pirates return, except Mr. Greco isn't wearing pants.
 
−
 
 
−
Salama: (walks casually through the aisle, snatching everyone's food)
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Soon they decide to go back out into the snowy path back to High Tech. Most of the pirates walk down the snowy slope, but Que Pasa talks the safe road alongside it.*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: (shouts at Que Pasa) You idiot, you're sacrificing freedom for security- (slips and falls over, slides down the slope and into the traffic-infested street) AHHHB THIS IS WORSE THAN ALL THE GLASS AND RABID DOGS OF THE WORLD!!!!111
 
−
 
 
−
Morgan Freeman: With that, No Name learned an important lesson. There's a little penis in all of us- especially your mom HAHA!
 
−
 
 
−
=To Whom the Penis Tolls=
 
−
 
 
−
''by Scruffy, Que Pasa, No Name and Edwin on December 15, 2005''
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>In the meeting room, the pirates are planning for the Biopardy.*
 
−
 
 
−
Nemo: Here's my idea for the Biopardy fashion show....
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Scene of the male pirates walking down the runway wearing only leaves over their crotches. Nemo salivates.*
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: Well it is botany-related...
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa runs into the parlor.*
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: I've got big news, everyone! I've entered us all on a reality tv show!
 
−
 
 
−
Stampede: I thought we agreed not to enter another reality show since we entered Edwin on Date My Fat Lesbian Uncle. (points to Edwin, who's huddled up and shaking in the corner)
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: No no, this is different! This show is "The First Mate", and it's hosted by Gold Roger, the King of Pirates! The winner will get to be his first mate! C'mon, I already entered us and assassinated the other contestants!
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Alright, let's head off. (rides off on a platypus)
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: He does know we are on a riding mode of transportation, right?
 
−
 
 
−
Siren: Let him tire himself out.
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The Golden Cheesecake sails off and arrives at Gold Roger's ship, the Motherlover.*
 
−
 
 
−
Gorenicus: You guys are here too? Well don't think you'll beat me to become Gold Roger's first mate, I had a fully-balanced breakfast today! (holds up a glass of orange juice, a piece of toast and some diabetes-infested cereal)
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: Dammit Que Pasa, you didn't assassinate this one.     
 
−
 
 
−
Mini-Myself: So all of us are competing in this reality show. I wonder who will win?
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: Obviously me! I AM a first mate and over-confident in my abilities!
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: (walks out and points at Que Pasa) Whoever you are, I'm sorry, but... you're walking the plank.
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: What? It hasn't even started!
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: Sorry, you're obviously not first mate material.
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa drags his wheelie bookbag towards the plank over water that's swarming with sharks.*
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: (looks down at sharks as he steps onto the plank) This is all fake, right?
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: The plank is. It's made out of paper.
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa falls down into the water while everyone else takes pictures.*
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: Well aside from him, all our pirates are here and accounted for.
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: Wait, where's Dreamer?
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere, in a dungeon...*
 
−
 
 
−
Dreamer: HELP MEEEEEE!!!!
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: Anyway, you will be divided into two teams- one led by Scruffy and the other by Gorenicus.
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: Yes, finally, I can name my team the Bio-Hazards!
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: The name has to be botany-related.
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: (weeps while cutting a mango)
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The Motherlover pulls up on a populous island.*
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: For your first task, each team must pillage and rape a town, and we'll see how you do.
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: Let's do this, guys!!!!
 
−
 
 
−
(Lupine runs of where he grabs his fruity owl, Aeolous, and rapes him in multiple positions, then has a orgy with horses, cows, pigs, and other owls)
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Scruffy's team- No Name, Stampede, Mini-Myself, Edwin, eLFa and That Krazy Dude. Gorenicus's crew- Siren, Robosexual, Lupine, Nemo, Aeolus and Frenchie.*
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: Everyone who wasn't mentioned is now disqualified.
 
−
 
 
−
Girl From the Weakest Link: You are the weakest link. Goodbye. (presses detonator)
 
−
 
 
−
Gorenicus: Hey, you got all the good onees!
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: Well you got the hot one.
 
−
 
 
−
Gorenicus: Point taken.
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Both teams rush through their individual towns and begin messing the places up. *
 
−
 
 
−
Robosexual: (tears an ATM Machine out of the wall and plugs it into himself)
 
−
 
 
−
Stampede: (shoots down the wall of a Public Girl's Locker Room which has a sign that reads, "No Fat Chicks", and races Mini-Myself inside)
 
−
 
 
−
Edwin: (decides to do actual pillaging, but then changes his mind an transmutes the ground to grab some women)
 
−
 
 
−
Siren: (drags away the guys that Frenchie beats to unconsciousness with a baguette)
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Afterwards, each team is tied to a mast on the Motherlover.*
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: Okay, let's go over what happened. Both of you did the exact same thing: run through the city and rape some random people. Have you ever pillaged anything?
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: Come to think of it, we spend all our time making merry and fighting evil-ass guys.
 
−
 
 
−
Gorenicus: Yeah, I flunked my college pillaging classes. But I did major in raping!
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: All right. Scruffy, your team did some slight destruction so I guess your team is free. (cuts the rope to their mast) And now I have to disqualify one of you. Lupine... you're walking the plank.
 
−
 
 
−
Nemo: What a dummy! (annoying laughter)
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: On second thought, you're walking the plank. (shoves Nemo overboard)
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>After a few weeks Scruffy, Gorenicus, Siren, Stampede, That Krazy Dude, Edwin and No Name are the only ones left. Gold Roger summons them for their final task.*
 
−
 
 
−
Gold Roger: The navy is on its way. You must fight off them as well as each other to win. Last one standing will be my new first mate. (ship is hit by cannon) bbl! (leaps into the only life boat and rows away)
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: I'd rather have the German in front of me then French people behind me! (knocked out cold by a stale flying baguette)
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: That's right, I'm back once again to do the good thing!
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: Dammit, why did Mr. T have to leave to slay vampires in the Caribbean?
 
−
 
 
−
Gorenicus: (poses) Ha, I'll take you all down!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The other pirates all grab Gorenicus and fling him at Frzlngd. The two break out into wild combat.*
 
−
 
 
−
Stampede: So... yeah...
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>All the pirates leap at each other and each strangles another, linking them together in a chain of strangled guys.*
 
−
 
 
−
Edwin: This is quite painful!
 
  
 
That Krazy Dude: Indeed.
 
That Krazy Dude: Indeed.
  
−
Siren: Ha... I can hold my breathe... for a few more seconds...
+
Mr. Scruffy: Choose already, and no Asian chicks!
  
−
Scruffy: I... think... we've... been set up...
+
That Krazy Dude: Awww, someone else choose for me!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Everyone releases their holds.*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: I choose... (checks tag) Vagineta. She's a mix of every race except Asia and she can lift mountains with her eyelids.
  
−
Scruffy: We have to find Gold Roger.
+
Mr. Scruffy: How much?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The remaining pirates hijack a navy ship and drive off while Gorenicus and Frzlngd struggle. They soon start to catch up on Gold Roger. Scruffy leaps from the boat to Gold Roger's, and they sword duel.*
+
That Krazy Dude: Says: $50,000 and your virginity.
  
−
Gold Roger: How do you expect to win against the King of Pirates?
+
Mr. Scruffy: Um, too expensive!
  
−
Scruffy: By not losing! Now explain your evil scheme.
+
That Krazy Dude: Damn! =(
  
−
Gold Roger: Simple, I use the reality show as a front so I can eliminate all pirates who may one day overthrow me.
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Don't worry, it's on me.
  
−
Scruffy: Go on...
+
That Krazy Dude: Sweet! Wait...
  
−
Gold Roger: That's it.
+
Mr. Scruffy: If you insist!
  
−
Scruffy: Oh, okay. Well I can't let you eliminate all the pirates! Or my name isn't Edwin Turvilsdky Pepelu the VII!
+
First Mate Que Pasa: I'll use the money and virginity from my Swiss bank account
  
−
Gold Roger: It isn't.
+
That Krazy Dude: We're pirates! Aren't we supposed to like...rob the place or something?
  
−
Scruffy: Oh, then I'll let you.
+
Mr. Scruffy: You're right.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Scruffy sits silently to the side while Gold Roger spits a jet of fire at the other pirates. But Lupine leaps up from the ocean and absorbs the attack like Piccolo.*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Yeah, why do we keep forgetting that?
  
−
Lupine: Fly, you fools...
+
Mr. Scruffy: I always forget that concept. Let's do it!!!!!!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The others lift up Lupine and toss him into Gold Roger's mouth. Gold Roger starts flashing.*
+
That Krazy Dude: Yeah!
  
−
Gold Roger: You may have beaten me, but you'll never find my legendary treasure- I've hidden it where no one will find it... (explodes)
+
(Minutes later, they are on the line for the cashier)
  
−
Scruffy: (checks under the couch) I found it!
+
First Mate Que Pasa: *snatches Vagineta and uses her as a bat to smash open the window, then they all jump out.*
  
−
General Colonel Lieutenant Major Shogun Wiley: Freeze, pirates! You're all under arrest!
+
Mr. Scruffy: We were on the cashier line and you lost your virginity. Was that really necessary?
  
−
Lupine: I feel so useless to you guys... (cuts himself)
+
First Mate Que Pasa: If you insist!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Is there no way to escape this pickling cucumber?
+
That Krazy Dude: Your mom insists.
  
−
General Colonel Lieutenant Major Shogun Wiley: We do accept bribes.
+
Mr. Scruffy: (they walk back inside and go back on the line) What the fuck? We were already outside.
  
−
Scruffy: (looks at treasure) Aw.
+
That Krazy Dude: Huh?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>They all return to the Golden Cheesecake and find... Que Pasa!*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: So... we test Vagineta's powers in the alleyway!
  
−
Siren: You're alive?!
+
That Krazy Dude: And her powers would be...
  
−
Scruffy: But I thought you were shark bait!
+
First Mate Que Pasa: She can lift mountains with her eyelids.
  
−
Que Pasa: So it seemed. The sharks surrounded me from all sides. But at that moment my shrieks summoned an armada of eight, no more no less, krakens led by Tim Allen. We worked as one to conquer the sharks. I spent years living among them, learning their ways and mating constantly with them. One day I encountered an orgasm so powerful it ripped a tear in time and space that brought me here today.
+
That Krazy Dude: Oh yeah!
  
−
No Name: You're gonna be alllright.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>They watch Vagineta lift up dumpsters, but then out of one of them falls... Wally!*
  
−
Que Pasa: Except for the infinite STDs, yes.
+
That Krazy Dude: Wally, it's you!!!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere, Frzlngd is still dueling Gorenicus atop the Empire State Building. Some passing biplanes shoot at them, and they fall down hard on the ground. Everyone crowds around Gorenicus and cries while completely ignoring Frzlngd.*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: That stalker might have some idea where Lupine is... but why would we even want to know?
  
−
Jack Black: (hops out of a phone booth) Beauty killed the beast.
+
That Krazy Dude: Listen for the sounds of the owl. *hear owl orgasms*
  
−
Frzlngd: Stupid pirates... just you wait. I'll have my revenge, someday... someday soon! I will give you the present of death- this Christmas! (Madmanic laughter)
+
Mr. Scruffy: Oh yeah!
  
−
=The Snow Day Liberation=
+
That Krazy Dude: That way!!!
  
−
''by Lupine, Que Pasa, That Krazy Dude, No Name and Jebus on December 17, 2005''
+
Mr. Scruffy: (runs in the lead)
  
−
<nowiki>:</nowiki>: It's a cold winter day in High Tech High School. ADD, Krazy Dude and Lupine have just killed themselves because of another test, but are happy at the prospects of a snow day the next day. The class gets into a huge ass discussion::
+
That Krazy Dude: *runs not in the lead*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: You go do that.
+
First Mate Que Pasa: *runs in the opposite direction and gets hit by a truck*
  
−
Nemo: So you think there will be school tomorrow, Dr. T?
+
That Krazy Dude: Sweet.
  
−
Dr. T: Tvust me, there vill be school tomorrow!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Vagineta tries to make her elbows touch behind her back*
  
−
Alchey the hobo: Nah! (grabs some students and drags them into a dark alley)
+
Mr. Scruffy: Silly Vagineta, trix are for kids!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: How would you know this, Dr. T?
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Soon, following the call of the owl, the pirates see a dark fortress ahead.*
  
−
Dr. T: Jost trust me, since I can determine the joules of heat it absorbs!
+
Mr. Scruffy: Brings back memories.
  
−
Que Pasa: Joules of heart your mom absorbs, am I right?
+
That Krazy Dude: Yes it does.
  
−
Dr. T: What they don't know is that my Russian comrades have a weather machine deep in the heart of Russia and heavily guarded by an arsenal of weaponry!
+
First Mate Que Pasa: *blasts the doors open with cannon nose. Immediately they are attacked by ninjas.*
  
−
Que Pasa: I know that, I've always known that! Why would you tell me such a useless tidbit?
+
Mr. Scruffy: Damn you ninjas!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: What was that, Dr. T?
+
That Krazy Dude: *dodges ninja attack and smacks him with end of mop*
  
−
Dr. T: Nothing. nothing at all!
+
Ninja: They have no hats, which one's the leader?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Something is strange about this angry Russian man's statement.
+
That Krazy Dude: Why is your penis small!
  
−
Lupine: ::stares::
+
First Mate Que Pasa: *loads a rocket into his nose and fires it into a crowd of ninjas.*
  
−
No Name: Joules are unit of work, Que Pasa.
+
Mr. Scruffy: (turns concrete ninjas are standing on into lava)
  
−
Que Pasa: Joules are a unit of STFU!
+
That Krazy Dude: *throws pine sol on the floor and ninjas start to slip around and stuff*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: He said it as if to himself, but so loud that everyone in class can hear it.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Two previously unseen ninjas drop down from the ceiling, grab Nemo and disappear with him.*
  
−
Lupine: So anyway, let's all get ready for snow related frolics!
+
Mr. Scruffy: (throws fireball on one of them, who runs to crowd then explodes) Oh boy, they are gonna have a ball!
  
−
Que Pasa : I don't know what me and No Name are doing in this class but I think we should be on our guard!
+
First Mate Que Pasa: *slaps Scruffy* Get ahold of yourself, captain!
  
−
Lupine: And how the hell did you two get in our chem class?
+
That Krazy Dude: *cheesy laughs* Time to...clean up!!! *starts assaulting them with mop*
  
−
Que Pasa: FUCK!
+
Mr. Scruffy: Ouch! I'm actually sane.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Strange...
+
First Mate Que Pasa: *eating a ninja's leg* We all are
  
−
No Name: They're onto to us, flush the weed down the toilet! Be inconspicuous Que Pasa!
+
Mr. Scruffy: (picks Que Pasa up, lights him on fire, and throws him to a pile of ninjas playing goldfish)
  
−
(Que Pasa takes out a horn and yells in it)
+
First Mate Que Pasa: That was the last Goldfish they ever caught.
  
−
<nowiki>:</nowiki>: Mr.G runs in dressed as the Big Boy and grabs Que Pasa and drags him into a closet. Screams of pleasure are heard::
+
Mr. Scruffy: You're still on fire.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: So yeah...
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The cards light on fire and fall towards the other ninjas, setting them on fire, who run into more and more ninjas, setting them all on fire.*
  
−
Que Pasa: Do I do both those things at the same time?
+
First Mate Que Pasa: I'm always on fire in a way.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Ignoring that...
+
Mr. Scruffy: Shouldn't you flop, jump, and punch around?
  
−
Mr. G: GET IN MA BELLY!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>With that taken care of, they advance further up the tower and find the rest of the crew imprisoned.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Maybe we should listen to the strange mutterings of this angry Russian guy.
+
That Krazy Dude: Wow.
  
−
No Name: Ahhahah, that's what your mom said last night!
+
Lupine: (pulls owl out of his pants) I knew you guys would hear our call!
  
−
Dr. T: Now while they are distracted by the big man, I will make my escape! ::runs into closet of mystery and disappears::
+
First Mate Que Pasa: What happened?
  
−
No Name: I want one of those.
+
Mr. Scruffy: Oh boy!
  
−
Que Pasa: I have eight.
+
That Krazy Dude: So you were captured by ninjas huh? It's like pirates vs. ninjas!
  
−
Lupine: Let's go to Russia!
+
Mr. Scruffy: The sequel.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Russia!?
+
That Krazy Dude: Yeah!
  
−
Lupine: Yes! Land of Cold!
+
Stampede: You three were the only ones who forgot to wear hats on Big Hat Day, so they thought we were the captains.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: That could lead us anywhere! Even Mexico!!
+
Mr. Scruffy: It was Big Hat Day? Damn, I missed it again this year!
  
−
No Name: Even to Russia!
+
Mr. T: The ninjas want us dead foo!
  
−
Lupine: We must all prepare!
+
Mr. Scruffy: (deep voice) Viewer discretion advised. Oh, why would they want to do that?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: For the Mexicans?
+
Vagineta: For revenge!
  
−
Lupine: Que Pasa get in your swim trunks! Now!
+
That Krazy Dude: Awesome.
  
−
Que Pasa: Let's go! (tosses a saddle on Mr. G)
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Vagineta?
  
−
No Name: A boat... I know how much you want one of those!
+
Vagineta: That's Queen Vagineta of the ninjas! You fell into my trap!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: ...???
+
Mr. Scruffy: We should have seen that coming from a mile.
  
−
No Name: *uses force powers to levitate and flies off*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The three pirates all run towards Vagineta, but she swats them back with her eyelids and shoots shuriken out of her ears.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *uses your mom as a flotation device and heads to Russia by seas*
+
Mr. Scruffy: Ouch, they can cut?
  
−
<nowiki>:</nowiki>:ADD calls a city wok man and has him deliver lupine and himself to Russia via air mail::
+
That Krazy Dude: Ouch!
  
−
City wok guy: Thank you fo frying sheety air-rines, can I take yo oda prease?
+
Mr. Scruffy: Not cool! (throws it into her eye) (she screams in pain) See, they hurt!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The pirates all start hiking through snowy Russia*
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Quick I have an idea!
  
−
Lupine: MY LEGS!
+
Mr. Scruffy: What is it?
  
−
ADD: It's always your legs. What about your heart?
+
That Krazy Dude: Huh?
  
−
No Name: My scabula
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>That Krazy Dude uses his mop to throw the shurikens back into Vagineta's ears, and as she is distracted by this Scruffy fires a fireball and Que Pasa fire a rocket so they hit each other right in front of Vagineta. Vagineta is completely destroyed.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: So where do you think this evil weather machine would be?
+
Mr. Scruffy: Splash damage, hilarious!
  
−
Lupine: In the one place no one would ever look in Russia- in England!
+
First Mate Que Pasa: Thank you Mattbeard.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: .... Or we could just check that place with the giant weather machine looking thing on top of it.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mattbeard is seen in the sky giving a thumbs up and laughing.*
  
−
Lupine: That's foolish!
+
First Mate Que Pasa: *frees the pirates by burning through their cell bars with his vomit*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *points* Right over there.
+
Mr. Scruffy: (gives thumbs up back with cheesy smile)
  
−
Lupine: To England!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>All the GCPA reunite and go into a musical number on the importance of teamwork and dental hygiene.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The GCPA all overlook the weather machine place from a cliff.*
+
That Krazy Dude: *stares at musical number in awe*
  
−
Han Solo: Luke. you're freezing! Get in! Its body heat will keep you alive! (cuts open Salama's stomach)
+
Pokemon Narrator: and so our friends have learned yet another important value of friendship, what challenges lie ahead for them, is yet to be seen...
  
−
ADD: Who will pull my rickshaw now? WHO?
+
Disembodied voice that is attempting to sound cool but is actually not: Gotta catch em all! Pokemon!!!
  
−
Que Pasa: ..Let me test the security (tosses a baby down, but it sets off a land mine)
+
Pokemon Narrator: And that ends the story of how the pirates defeated the non-Asian ninja queen.
  
−
No Name: Hey look, there's the 7 slices of pizza Salama ate today at the judo party.
+
That Krazy Dude: Sweet!
  
−
Lupine: Oh, you mean that party I didn't go to!
+
Morgan Freeman: What about me?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Exactly!
+
That Krazy Dude: ........
  
−
No Name: You didn't wanna go!
+
Pokemon Narrator: You're fired. Didn't you get the memo?
  
−
Lupine: Well then...
+
That Krazy Dude: ......... *stares back and forth between Morgan Freeman and the Pokemon Narrator*
  
−
Que Pasa: (opens up Salama's stomach and finds Stampde there with a flashlight and a book)
+
Mr. Scruffy: Actually, you're fired, I own this crew and the story and I decide that the black man stays.
  
−
Stampede: Close it, I'm reading a scary story!
+
That Krazy Dude: Yeah....
  
−
Lupine: Only one thing to do!
+
Morgan Freeman: Didn't you get the memo?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: And that is your mom!
+
That Krazy Dude: Your mom did!
  
−
Lupine: SEXY PARTY!
+
=Valentine's Day Special: Mind of the Tap-Dancer, Heart of Granola=
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Awww... Can I still do ur mom?
+
''by Que Pasa''
  
−
Lupine: :: rips off shirt and various women run in, they all dance but turn into ice because of cold::
+
==Part One: Vorpal Sketched a Picture of Me Last Night==
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Salama swallows all the women whole, and Nemo humps every dead body.*
+
Carl Winslow: Three two one, one two three. What in the world is bothering me?
  
−
Que Pasa: Let's tear Lupine's body apart and play with it again.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>February 13th, late in the night. Mr. T strolls through the garden of the Golden Cheesecake, humming the A-Team theme as he waters the plants... with milk.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Yay!
+
Mr. T: Drink your milk and you'll become big and strong in a manner not unlike T's. (one of the plants brush against his gold chains as he bends over, so T whips out a shotgun and blasts it) Sorry but don't touch my gold.
  
−
Lupine: :: thaws from the friction:: I'm not dead! Nemo's the dead guy.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>From the shadows emerges Mithos, the demented midget who can make anyone of any size, shape or gender fall in love with him instantly. He silently approaches Mr. T.*
  
−
Que Pasa: On the outside.
+
Mr. T: (sniffs the air, catching Mithos's man-stink) Who there?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *ignores the fact that they're trying to prevent school*
+
Mithos: I'm right behind you.
  
−
Que Pasa: (hits Lupine with a frozen leg) Now you are!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mr. T spins around, ready to toss Mithos helluva far and then rape his corpse, but he freezes as he beholds Mithos's form.*
  
−
Lupine: :: dodges:: Hahahaha glorious!
+
Mr. T: (holds up the flower he shot) You can drive T's van.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Penis!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mithos hops onto Mr. T's shoulders and laughs maniacally. A mind-blowing opening credits theme follows. The next morning the crew is preparing for Valentine's Day while Que Pasa and Edwin make their way to Intro to Sci in Sci Fi.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Lupine's laugh summons an avalanche*
+
Edwin: I heard a rumor that the real reason Siren was absent last week is because she was pregnant with a crew member's baby.
  
−
Lupine: Hey, aren't we on a mission?
+
Que Pasa: What? W-Where'd you hear such a wild rumor? (hides child support bills) But anyway, remember the time Mr. Malk totally burned Marchese?
  
−
No Name: *screams at top of lungs* HEY GUYS, I HEAR YOU CAN CAUSE AN AVALANCHE IF YOU SCREAM LOUD ENOUGH!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa and Edwin turn around to see Mr. Marchese standing sadly behind them.*
  
−
Lupine: Awww shit! Shut up!
+
Mr. Marchese: He... he didn't say anything about my hair, did he? Guys, I need your help.
  
−
Krazy: *whispers* What? *rumble*
+
Edwin: Do you even know who we are?
  
−
Lupine: Slag.
+
Mr. Marchese: Not in the slightest. But I need your help with a girl - the girl from Real Genius.
  
−
No Name: Hey it was Krazy's fault!
+
Que Pasa: Hm, let's try that thing they did in 411. (takes Rafael's contaminated Snapple bottle and hands it to Marchese while "Pimp Juice" plays in the background with half the words censored out)
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Gay!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mr. Marchese drinks it and collapses foaming from the mouth. Que Pasa and Edwin pause for a moment, then they run off. But their second match-making mission succeeds as they unite Dr. L with a dolphin. Suddenly en explosion rocks the building.*
  
−
Lupine: RUN LIKE HELL MEN!
+
Que Pasa: What's going on?
  
−
Que Pasa: *snowboards on the avalanche until he smacks into the very same rock and falls*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>A familiar van rushes through the school as Que Pasa and Edwin turn and run.*
  
−
("City Escape" plays while No Name races Sonic on snow boards)
+
Edwin: Wait, that's Mr. T's van. (stops in front of the van) Hey Mr. T, let us in! (is smacked ten feet into the air by the car)
  
−
Lupine: :: turns and makes the fire hand seal and slaps hand:: Fire Fist!
+
Que Pasa: What's going on? (leaps onto the van and climbs along the roof) What are you doing Mr. T? (looks in the windshield and finds not only Mr. T but Mithos) AHHHHHH.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *runs and uses your mom as a snowboard*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mithos points up. Mr. T's fist crashes up through the windshield, grabs Que Pasa and tosses him to a light fixture, zapping him with electricity until he collapses lifelessly on the ground. Soon Que Pasa and Edwin rush back to the Golden Cheesecake.*
  
−
Lupine: ::tries thawing but is attacked by a large snow rabbit:: My arm!
+
Edwin: Guys, Mr. T has gone evil! He's tearing up High Tech!
  
−
<nowiki>:</nowiki>: Wally is seen in shadows paying the rabbits::
+
Scruffy: That's impossible.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *passes Sonic and gives him a Sonic-style thumbs up; Sonic flips him off*
+
Que Pasa: This whole affair is being managed by Mithos's shrunken hand.
  
−
Lupine: ::rodeos the rabbit and begins riding him down the mountain; the rabbit unleashes pent up sexual energy onto Nemo::
+
Scruffy: That minuscule fiend! Suit up, pirates! We gotta save the T-man.
  
−
No Name: *Force-pushes Sonic off a cliff to a jagged rock death* There can only be one! *Force pushes to gain speed*
+
No Name: Can we hurry up? All of us except Lupine have dates tonight, you know.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Never!!! *Your mom increases speed*
+
Lupine: What about Que Pasa?
  
−
Que Pasa: *His frozen body increases speed, then it's carried away by penguins*
+
Que Pasa: I have a blind date with a chick named Malaria.
  
−
<nowiki>*Suddenly a ping pong table on snowboards comes in between That Krazy Dude and No Name*
+
Lupine: I'll brew a Stew of Depression for dinner tonight.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: It's on!!!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The pirates are all prepared to leave while Lupine stays alone in the kitchen. As No Name is about to leave, Nia pops up.*
  
−
No Name: LET'S GO! EXTREMUUUU PINGU PONGU!
+
No Name: Oh, Nia... what a surprise!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: DUUUUUURUUUUUUU!
+
Nia: (feels along No Name's sweatshirt and finds a long blonde hair) Whose hair is this?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Everyone lands by Dr. T's weather device place at last*
+
No Name: Errr... (Edwin watches on meekly)
  
−
<nowiki>:</nowiki>: Weather starts to warm as the machine is seen glowing purple.::
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The rest of the pirates all drive the Golden Cheesecake into High Tech. There they see Mr. T pick up a vending machine and tossing it against the wall, smashing both the wall and the machine while Mithos munches on a Pop-Tart (tm).*
  
−
Lupine: Purple?
+
Scruffy: Mr. T, stop! Come to your senses!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: That's what she said!
+
Mr. T: Don't you fooling fools understand? With my milk-man T's happy. Don't touch my gold.
  
−
No Name: Hey Krazy, got blue balls?
+
Karl: Can't you see he's controlling you? Come back to us, Mr. T!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: From your mom! Ooooooh!!!
+
Mithos: T-Bone, wipe out those jealous prats as a symbol of our everlasting love!
  
−
No Name: *stares at Que Pasa with blue make up*
+
Mr. T: Anything for you Milk-Man!
  
−
Que Pasa: You don't buy me nice things anymore!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The pirates stand to oppose Mr. T as he changes into a tight spandex suit and charges forward. T slams right through them, sending them flying to the air like bowling pins bouncing on a trampoline.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: You don't wear pants anymore!!!
+
Mithos: HWAhahaha, delicious!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The avalanche lands on No Name and stops. No Name pops up from the snow and climbs on top of it*  
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Nearly everyone is unconscious after T's hurricane-like frenzy. Only Scruffy is standing.*
  
−
No Name: BIOOOOOOOO!!!!
+
Scruffy: Mr. T, please stop! You have to remember me! This man is a vicious killer! Please, Mr. T!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The pirates are then confronted by the hermit of the snow caves- Robin Williams.*
+
Mr. T: (twists Scruffy's arms behind his back) Don't drive my van. (tosses him through the kitchen into a giant can of leftovers that would later be grinded into pizza toppings)
  
−
That Krazy Dude: ::gasp::
+
Mithos: This has been beautiful, T-Bone! Now let us leave.
  
−
Lupine: ::bows:: Williams. It is an honor.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mithos and Mr. T drive off in the van, leaving behind the collapsed pirates. Soon Stampede wakes up due to The Guz's amazing powers of recuperation and revives Mini-Myself.*
  
−
-Robosexual appears out of nowhere-
+
Stampede: We must rescue Scruffy before lunch begins.
  
−
Robosexual: ROBIN WILLIAMS GIMME YOUR AUTOGRAPH NOW!
+
Mini-Myself: I'm on it!
  
−
Estrada: RICARDO GO TO CUBA!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Stampede and Mini-Myself put on gas masks and kick down the door to the kitchen, then they burst in and find the lunch ladies dumping the whole can into a giant blender, then they start to activate it.*
  
−
One-Armed Willy: But Estrada, Cuba's a bad place!
+
Mini-Myself: There's no time!
  
−
Estrada: Exactly!
+
Stampede: Not a question with The Guz!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>One-Armed Willy goes to the corner where thee map of Cuba is.*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Stampede releases bolts of magic that knock out the lunch ladies. One of them smashes into the blender, breaking it open while Scruffy flies out in a flood of disgusting food.*
  
−
One-Armed Willy: So Cuba, whats up?
+
Mini-Myself: What the hell did you need me for?
  
−
Estrada: Now you're talking to Cuba?!
+
Stampede: I don't quite remember.
  
−
<nowiki>:</nowiki>:Lupine walks by::
+
Mini-Myself: What's wrong with Scruffy?
  
−
Estrada: You stole my face!
+
Stampede: He appears to be choking on mashed potatoes. You may actually have a small use after all.
  
−
No Name: I stole your mom's virginity!
+
Mini-Myself: Hot damn!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *beats Lupine with stick* BAD CUBAN BAD!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mini-Myself shrinks down and slips into Scruffy's mouth, then slides down his throat until he stops on the pile of mashed potatoes. He quickly plants a charge there, blowing up the mashed potatoes, but he forgot to bring a grappling hook so he slips down the esophagus screaming.*
  
−
No Name: Yes, Lupine...I am your father!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Back with No Name...*
  
−
Estrada: (force pushes Lupine off a cliff to a jagged rock death) There can only be one!
+
No Name: Alright, I admit it, that's Edwin's hair!
  
−
Lupine: ::grabs to edge:: Someone help me!!!!!
+
Nia: Edwin?
  
−
Estrada: *sobs* What have I done! ... (kills himself, but not before giving One-Armed Willy detention)
+
Edwin: I'm sorry. I didn't know how to break it to you.
  
−
Lupine: I'm still alive!
+
Nia: That's it! No Name, you have to choose which of us you love more!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Princess Leia hears Lupine's calls, and Han Solo pulls the Millennium Falcon up beneath Lupine and catches him in it*
+
No Name: (looks horrified)
  
−
Lupine: Well, defeating Estrada was strangely easy.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere, Mithos and Mr. T leave the school in the van.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Wrong teacher! We need to defeat Dr. T dammit!
+
Mr. T: That was foolin' fun, Milk-Man!
  
−
No Name: Lucas has a fetish with sending people down air shafts, maybe it's symbolic for sex.
+
Mithos: Yes indeed, my T-Bone! And now the pirates are left beaten and weakened while the navy is on the way! THEY'RE ALL DOOMED!! HYA HAHAHA!
  
−
Dr. T: Bah! Eestrada was only a paawn!
+
Morgan Freeman: No Name given an ultimatum. Mini-Myself stuck in the captain's body. Mr. T under the control of a hyperactive midget. Lupine brooding alone. And the rest of the crew cornered by the navy at long last. How will the GCPA survive this ejaculation of cliffhangers? Find out!
  
−
Dr. Eggman: There can only be one evil genius!
+
==Part Two: I Could Go For a Muffin About Now==
  
−
Estrada: ::returns to Dr. T's side: They are powerful, but can be dealt with. Send her out.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>A man approaches Lupine in the kitchen.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Hester Prynne walks out.*
+
Lupine: Who the devil are you?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: It's amazing how we're able to do all this after school yet before it hits the next morning.
+
Man: You are Chef Lupine Shadow, correct? I'd like you to bake a cake for my friend's birthday party today and deliver it if you can. It's kinda last minute, but I'll pay any fee you ask.
  
−
<nowiki>:</nowiki>: Dr.T send out .....Sensei!::
+
Lupine: Sure, do you have any requests?
  
−
Nathaniel Hawthorne: The letter 3 1/4 in size, and the reader may laugh, but it seered my chest when I placed it there!
+
Man: Yeah, can you make the cake with her face on it? Here's a picture of her.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Nathanial Hawthorne tears off his shirt to reveal a laser cannon grafted to the burnt part of his chest*  
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The Man shows Lupine a picture. Lupine stares in shock. Aeolus freezes in shock and falls into the stew. Lupine recognizes the picture as the exact same picture he carried in his left pocket- the picture of the girl he's been trying to find for years.*
  
−
Hawthorne: HAHA I'M A CYBORG!
+
Man: I'll leave her address on this fancy Sticky-Note. Good luck!
  
−
Lupine: Well, let's take a casualty report. Nemo's died seven times. We aye Salama...
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Lupine immediately gets to work on a cake.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Penis.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere all the pirates are slowly regaining consciousness while a group of navymen led by a female officer surround them.*
  
−
Sensei: Get serious! This class is rated PG 13! Marko, why do you not come to Japanese anymore? You must get serious about Japanese! Little here, little there! :: grabs a katana:: GET SERIOUS NOW!
+
Officer: Surrender now pirate scum! We have you this time!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Yeah, she told us that too.
+
Que Pasa: Geh... I don't think so. Pirates, attack. (Where's the captain?)
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Sensei and Nathanial Hawthorne look at each other, and romance music starts playing. The two hop at each other and start making love immediately*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>All the pirates rush towards the naval troops. That Krazy Dude slides down a rope from the ventilation shaft, then swings from it to kick over a group of navy troops.*
  
−
Dimmesdale: BLASPHEMY!
+
ADD: Take this, you salty seamen!
  
−
Lupine: Ahhhhhhhh, sorry Sensei!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere, No Name uses a Jedi mind trick to knock Nia and Edwin out. Actually he hits them with a rock.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: ...
+
No Name: Good, now I have time to think. ...I know the best place to go for advice!
  
−
Chillingworth: AHAH, now I will plot my revenge and become a fiend!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elserwhere, inside Scruffy's body, Mini-Myself is navigating Scruffy's stomach with a flashlight, dodging the bits of ruined pizza, fries and Spanish food.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *curls into ball and starts rocking back and forth while talking to himself*
+
Mini-Myself: Wow, this is even more disgusting then dissecting earthworms.
  
−
Lupine: With all these enemies, how will we ever stop that fiend Dr. T's weather machine?
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>A giant tapeworm emerges from the lagoon of fat and hisses. Mini-Myself runs and dodges the tapeworm's swipes. However, Scarlett Johanson rides in on a motorboat and spears the tapeworm on a harpoon.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>With Sensei and Hathorne distracted with each other, and Robin Williams trying to fly over a bottomless crevice like Peter Pan, the GCPA runs past and make their way towards Dr. T*
+
Mini-Myself: Scarlett Johanson? What the hell are you doing here?
  
−
Lupine: That works!
+
Scarlett Johanson: I've been trapped in this wasteland for days. I've been imprisoned here by Bernie Mac.
  
−
<nowiki>Darth Maul appears with, not a dual lightsaber, but two ping pong paddles.*
+
Mini-Myself: Do you know any way out of here that doesn't involve being encased in feces?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Then it is a challenge he wants! So a challenge he shall get!
+
Scarlett Johanson: We have to find Bernie Mac's lieutenant, Cedric the Entertainer, who's waiting for me to succumb so he can collect my spine.
  
−
No Name: I'll help you..Krazy! Scratch my back and I'll scratch your feet.
+
Mini-Myself: The fiend!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>No Name and Krazy Dude get ping pong paddles.*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Back at the barnyard, the pirates are still fighting off the navymen. Que Pasa grapples with the female officer.*
  
−
Que Pasa: We'll take him together!
+
Que Pasa: A female officer? Shouldn't you be in the kitchen, making me some chicken or yummy raviolis? Maybe some pot roast.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The three of them step forward, draw ping pong paddles, and... kick Darth Maul in the nuts and dash away.*
+
Female Officer: (stuffs a handful of mashed potatoes into his face and dropkicks him)
  
−
No Name: How anticlimactic.
+
Que Pasa: That'll do.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: That works.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Scruffy and Stampede rush back in.*
  
−
No Name: ....
+
Scruffy: (cuts a bunch of navymen in half) Scruffy McGruffy, taking a bite out of law enforcement!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: I had a better idea.
+
Nemo: Que pasa que pasa! (anal raped)
  
−
Que Pasa: Like your mom!
+
Siren: I'll finish this- ack, my water broke!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: But anyway!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The female officer reaches into Que Pasa's chest, pulls his heart out and tosses it into the French fryer.*
  
−
Que Pasa: Then do that.
+
Que Pasa: Good thing I bought some extra ones on eBay.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Krazy rewinds time and places a truck on top of Que Pasa.*
+
Mr. Matt Malkowicz: So you do have a heart.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Yes! Lupine! Que Pasa! Take out Dr. T! Me and No Name will take on Darth Maul!
+
Stampede: It is time for The Guz to end this.
  
−
Lupine: ::stands just watching and listening to Asian Kung Fu Generation::
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Stampede floats into the sky and summons a swarm of meteors that frighten the navymen into a retreat.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Ping pong table appears between Darth Maul, No Name, and Krazy Dude whi;e Mr. Meyer phases through a wall and eats Lupine's iPod.*
+
Scruffy: Mr. T...
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>furious ping pong battle ensues. The battle continues until the score is 24 for Darth Maul and 15 for No Name and Krazy, and it's game to 25.*
+
Que Pasa: Hm... I think I may know someone who can help us with our troubles...
  
−
No Name: Don't worry! The miracle of basketball will help us win!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The GCPA walk into the backyard next door and find Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World.*
  
−
<nowiki>:</nowiki>: Lupine Rushes Dr.T::
+
Que Pasa: FEE-NAY!
  
−
Dr. T:: Lupine, vould u like to see vat u got on zat test I didn't say?
+
Mr. Feeny: Ah, Mr. Pasa. Mr. Scruffy. Mr. The Guz. Mr. Eagler. Ms. Siren. Mr. Name...
  
−
Lupine: ::looks:: Noooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
+
Que Pasa: (looks at all the other pirates) This may take a while.
  
−
No Name: Let's take him down, Krazy! *gets 3 ping pong balls and duel wields ping pong paddles*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>A few hours later...*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>No Name serves them all at once and Darth Maul gets confused and smacks himself in the face with the paddle. Somehow the score reaches 24-24.*
+
Mr. Feeny: And Mr. Trying to get out the hood. What brings you here?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Game point!
+
Scruffy: Our friend Mr. T has gone evil. We need your help to stop him.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Dr. T attacks in a giant mechanical walker near the core of the weather machine*
+
Mr. Feeny: (regurgitates a one-wheeled unicycle car)
  
−
Dr. T: Only seceend remain unteel your snow days are over!
+
Pink Ninja: How will that help us?
  
−
Que Pasa: No!
+
Mr. Feeny: That is all I have to say on the matter. I'm also dispensing romantic advice for twenty dollars apiece.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Suddenly a laser blasts Dr. T away. Siren is seen swooping down in the Millenium Falcon.*
+
No Name: Mr. Feeny! I need your help to choose between the two people nearest to me!
  
−
Siren: Good job, now blow this thing up so we can all go home!
+
Mr. Feeny: Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
  
−
No Name: Ahaha, Siren said blow!
+
No Name: What?
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Darth Maul serves a Force-powered ping pong ball down the middle and No Name and Krazy both smack the ball at the exact same time sending the ball at Darth Maul and causing him to explode violently.*
+
Mr. Feeny: Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
  
−
Que Pasa: *stuffs another baby into the reactor core, setting off a chain reaction that destroys the weather machine*
+
No Name: What?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Game!
+
Mr. Feeny: Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
  
−
Ms. Gilmartin: I don't think so, it touched the line
+
No Name: What?
  
−
Lupine: Guys, weren't there renegade Russians? ::Site B weather device activated:: Shit!
+
Mr. Feeny: Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.
  
−
Que Pasa: *points to the renegade Russiuans running around on fire*
+
No Name: What?
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Renegade Russians pop up.*
 
−
 
 
−
Ms. Gilmartin: I'm Catholic!
 
−
 
 
−
Gilmartin: My professor was a volleyball coach.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Really, so did he teach you volleyball?
 
−
 
 
−
Gilmartin: No, algebra.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: .....?
 
−
 
 
−
Gilmartin: HE TAUGHT ME HOW TO LOVE!
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: .....???
 
−
 
 
−
Ms. Gilmartin: Let me tell you of my first orgasism!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Everyone throws up.*
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Nooooo!!!!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere Mr. Dobkin (the husband of Sensei) pops out of the snow and drives his hand through Nathanial Hawthorne's chest, pulling out the laser cannon.*
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Not an orgasism, not to be confused with orgasm. So what are we doing with this weather machine?
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: Using it as a coffee machine.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: ....Okay.
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: I have a better idea!
 
−
 
 
−
Mr. Malkowicz: But Russian coffee machines are nothing compared to the French!
 
−
 
 
−
Miss Knight: Guys guys, I am very disappointed in you...you were not responsible while I needed MEDICAL ATTENTION LOOK I'M HURT! *points to a small paper cut*
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: ...?
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: ::scene shifts to Duck Hand's ship; The ship is frozen in place::
 
−
 
 
−
Private: Sir, we seem to be stuck. And group of pirates are mooning us.
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa : Heh heh... private... stuck...
 
−
 
 
−
Duck Hand: HAHA YOUR A PRIVATE!!! What, let me see this!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Ahaha he looks at the private!
 
−
 
 
−
Private: (unzips pants)
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: :: gets pegged in the face with yellow snow ball:: Hahahaha, good one ADD.
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: That's hilarious!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Keep the yellow snow coming, Que Pasa!
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: This is the first time I've exerted freely in years!
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: ?sinep
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: I've excreted freely every day of my existence you filthy liar! *strangles himself and rolls off of the ship*
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: No, if i did, they would send you to Urinetown!
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: Is this over yet?
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Yeah, didn't we kill Dr. T?
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: *throws bucket at weather machine, weather machine explodes* Yay!
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: *grabs Krazy Dude by the shoulders and looks him in th eye* FROGS DON'T DRINK (kicks him through a brick wall)
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>*Everyone takes clothes off and dance around the bonfire*
 
−
 
 
−
Morgan Freeman: And that is how the GCPA saved snow days! After the battle, Sensei returned to japan and opened an authentic Japanese sushi bar.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: That was the most crippled ending ever, but I started to feel my IQ dropping.
 
−
 
 
−
Morgan Freeman: Dr. T returned to teaching a broken man, and the crew mates well they had a sexy party. ''(Note: This is Lupine writing this)''
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Goody goody!
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: Well, I fucked it up.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Yeah I know, we all got lost. But the story had some good parts.
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: Sorry guys, my first bi ass chat.
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: He said bi.
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: Yeah. I'm bi sexual, okay? I thought you guys knew that.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: ???
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: Haha! You're okay with being called bi sexual but not emo... That's creepy. ''(add fool, gay and curly next to emo)''
 
−
 
 
−
=A Very Frzlngd Christmas=
 
−
 
 
−
''by Scruffy, Que Pasa, No Name and That Krazy Dude on December 26, 2005''
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: Gather round ye children to hear a tale as old as Santa Clause himself, a tale so wondrous, it will warm the hearts of those who hear it, or we will refund your money completely.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: If by completely you mean not at all. (The two start making out to increase ratings)
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Sad jazz music plays in the background as Duck-Hand Frzlngd walks alone and sad down a snowy street.*
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: (voiceover)You ever had that feeling? You were on top of the world, you had it all... then you lost it all. Just like tha-
 
−
 
 
−
Duck: (voiceover) QUACK!
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: (still voiceover) SHUT UP WHILE I'M DOING MY DRAMATIC VOICEOVER MONOLOGUE! Oh screw this set-up, let's just jump into the story... my story of love and loss...
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Christmas music plays while the opening credits roll cheesily by on snowflakes. Some clouds part to reveal the message, "The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Holiday Special: A Very Frzlngd Christmas". Then the camera scrolls down towards the ocean, aboard the Golden Cheesecake. The Cheesecake lays surrounded by ice while the pirates have fun on Christmas Eve.*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The GCPA crew is ice skating on the ship's ice skating rink.*
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: I can’t skate! Since when do we have one of those?
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: We froze over the pool.
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: We have a pool?
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: *does some amazing twirls and then smashes into that rock again* STOP FOLLOWING ME!
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: What is a rock but a giant piece of fornication?
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: (cuts hole in ice with saw, then starts ice fishing with Inuit Indian)
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: What is a fornic-shut the hell pu! ...I mean up!
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: ...pu?
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: I didn't fart...
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: Stop telling people to pu! Now go to your room! (slaps No Name)
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Suddenly a cannonball lands on Nemo and smashes a hole in the ice*
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: Hehehe... Merry Christmas you filthy animals!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Giant Sushi Fish Man runs up to No Name and kicks him in the scrotum*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: MY SCABULA!
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Who are you?
 
−
 
 
−
Sushi Fish Guy: I am Jim, the Christmas Sushi.
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: Salama likes sushi alot.
 
−
 
 
−
Sushi Fish Guy: Who's Sal-- *Salama eats the sushi fish man*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>No Name walks towards his room, but one blast later and it's just a gaping hole*
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: GO IN THERE ANYWAY!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name : (shrugs, walks through the hole and falls into the ocean) Old folk lore and sabers are not match for a good blaster by your side! *sploosh*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The navy officers swarm through the ship and start tackling various pirates.*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: GENOCIDE!
 
−
 
 
−
Mini-Myself: (under ten heavy officers) NAVY BRUTALITY! NAVY BRUTALITY!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Nemo climbs out of the ice hole*
 
−
 
 
−
Nemo: Man, I'm glad I'm out of there! *gets tackled back into ice hole*
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: *swims up from the ice hole* CLARISE! Is that you!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Nemo tries climbing out again only to have his head eaten off by a duck*
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: You deserved that treat, Susie. Now we go for the big fajita.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: STELLAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>All the remaining pirates take refuge in the ship's parlor, where the Christmas tree is.*
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: *gets tackled by a navy officer and is beaten over the head with his own bucket, and the navy officer explodes for no reason=. He then joins the pirates in the parlor*
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: We have to save the children!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Hey look, it's a present! *Wally the Raccoon jumps out and attacks Lupine*
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: (opens a present, and Frzlngd comes out) Next time I shouldn't open the gift shaped like a man with a duck hand.
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Ahahs you came out!
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Instead of a closet it was a box with wrapping paper.
 
−
 
 
−
Siren: C'mon, it's Christmas, cut us some slack!
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: I am your alpha and you are my omega.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: I cut your mom some slack last night!
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: No way! I'll eat all of your appendixes!
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: Not that!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: I need that! *whispers to Cap'n* What does that do?
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: It puts the lotion on its skin.
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: *opens to the appendix in back of text book and Frzlngd eats it*
 
−
 
 
−
*Frzlngd slaps Que Pasa back and starts furiously raping Lupine.*
 
−
 
 
−
Lupine: Make the pain stop!
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: I feel like doing something even more unnecessarily mean!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Scruffy throws a fireball at Frzlngd, who catches it in the mouth of his duck hand. The duck then fires it at the tree and sets it on fire. The fire quickly spreads from the tree and through the ship.*
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: No! Not that!
 
−
 
 
−
No Name: Not the younglings!
 
−
 
 
−
That Krazy Dude: (sees his mop caught in the fire) NO!!! (starts crying) It's not fair!
 
−
 
 
−
Salama: It's burning! *starts roasting Nemo's dead body and devours it*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>In an overly dramatic scene the whole ship is going down in flames while the pirates confront Frzlngd.*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>climatic scene with Que Pasa and Frzlngd facing of*
 
−
 
 
−
Que Pasa: HRAAAAAAA!!! (charges at Frzlngd but instead slams into the rock and passes out)
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: One down, three to go...
 
−
 
 
−
Scruffy: You're going down!
 
−
 
 
−
Frzlngd: Fight me. (tackled by Rafael)
 
−
 
 
−
Ralph: BUKKAKE!
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Ralph gets piled on by navy officers*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Frzlngd pokes Rafael with a stick until he gets off and then tosses him out the window.*
 
−
 
 
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mr. T flies out from the flames and tackles Frzlngd.*
 
−
 
 
−
Mr. T: I'll distract him you gotta ge- (falls asleep)
 
  
−
No Name: Damn!
+
Mr. Feeny: Next.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: So close!
+
Que Pasa: I have a blind date tonight.
  
−
Scruffy: Not Mr. T! (climbs back up ship) I.....live!!!!!!!!!
+
Mr. Feeny: You're screwed.
  
−
No Name: ...Wanna start running?
+
Que Pasa: Santa, can you get Lupine a girlfriend so he can stop cutting himself over my good carpet?
  
−
Scruffy: what, that's not me!
+
eLFa: He used to date me. Then we found out I was his sister.
  
−
Frzlngd: Into the fire?
+
Scruffy: Enough of this. We must find a way to defeat Mr. T.
  
−
Scruffy: I'm me!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Everyone disperses.*
  
−
No Name: We are who we choose to be!
+
Mr. Feeny: (sighs) Maybe one of these days they'll ask me about my troubles... (sheds a tear)
  
−
Scruffy: I'm the real me, he's a fake!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mini-Myself and Scarlett Johanson find Cedric the Entertainer, but they are immediately chased by a flood of digestive acids.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: You know what they say, if you can't stand the heat then get outta your mom's bedroom
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The pirates are all back on the ship.*
  
−
Frzlngd: If you can't take the heat, SHUT THE HELL UP! Odd, I've been talking alot more since Que Pasa passed out. Well who wants to get knocked out next?
+
Scruffy: You actually brought that unicycle car back?
  
−
Scruffy: My imposter does!!!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Finally, Lupine wheels a cake towards the girl's house... only to find flaming rubble. Ninjas leap out at him.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Your mom's already knocked out in my pants!
+
Morgan Freeman: You know the drill. To be continued.
  
−
LL Cool J: MOMMA SAID KNOCK YOU OUT!
+
==Part Three: It's Been About a Month Since the Actual Valentine's Day But Hey==
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Before anyone can speak (except the opposite) a chandelier falls on them*
+
''Written June 23, 2006''
  
−
Frzlngd: That works better.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The van smashes through the World Capitol. Mr. T walks through the halls as Mithos follows behind him. T's body absorbs all the gunfire, and he simply smacks all the guards to the side as they approach. Finally they reach the capital room and confront President Schwarzenegger.*
  
−
Scruffy: =O
+
Arnold Schwarzenegger: What is the meaning of this?
  
−
ll cool j: I'M GONNA KNOCK YOU OUT!
+
Mithos: Out of the way, Nixon. That chair is mine.
  
−
Scruffy: Hey, he's still standing!
+
Arnold Schwarzenegger: (pulls out enough weapons to decimate a small country) Do not zink I will leave the world I love without a fight.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Soon all the pirates are imprisoned in the navy base.*
+
Mr. T: (flings Arnold out the window)
  
−
Stampede: (comes in) NOT COOL! (then leaves)
+
Mithos: Excellent job, T-Bone! The world is ours!
  
−
No Name: HEY ITS THE GUUUZ!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere, Lupine angrily leaps at the first two ninjas, smashing their heads together with enough force to blow them up. He then tears out one of the ninja's spines and uses it as a sword to fight off a few more ninjas, impaling them. But then ninjas keep on piling in, and they soon restrain Lupine as the Ninja Queen Vagineta approaches.*
  
−
Mr. T: I pity the fools who put a mickey in my milk. Stop yo Jibber Jabberin!
+
Lupine: What the hell are you doing?
  
−
Frzlngd: Good news pirates! You'll get to die on Christmas tomorrow!
+
Vagineta: Payback, honey. (evil laughter)
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Why must the good die young and if not young then not really old but not even middle-aged either?
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Inside Scruffy's stomach, Mini-Myself and Scarlett Johanson engage Cedric the Entertainer in a high-speed battle within a giant chicken skeleton, slowly climbing the skeleton as the lower portions are slowly being eaten away by digestive acids.*
  
−
No Name: Now is that 12 am Christmas or when you wake up?
+
Cedric the Entertainer: (grabs Mini-Myself by the neck and holds him into the air above the acids) You cannot defeat me! I was in the remake of the Honeymooners!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Somewhere in between.
+
Scarlett Johanson: I'm blonde! (dropkicks Cedric's stomach)
  
−
Mr. T: I pity the fool who kills T on X-mas!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Cedric the Entertainer stumbles over in pain, then vomits out a baby that quickly grows into a second Cedric the Entertainer. Both Cedric the Entertainers smash into Scarlett from both sides, trying to crush her with their fat.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Frzlngd then leaves with Bing Crosby as the guard.*
+
Cedric the Entertainers: Now you shall never again interfere with the Big Mac!
  
−
Scruffy: Hey, I'm to young to die!!!!
+
Mini-Myself: No!
  
−
Random Old Guy: I'm not, but I still don't wanna!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mini-Myself leaps forward, growing enough so that when he smacks into the first Cedric, it immediately tumbles into the digestive acids.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Frzlngd reports to his master, the President of the Earth- Arnold Schwarzenegger.*
+
Cedric: How dare you, slightly larger than before man! I as well can grow!
  
−
Mr. T: It's you, fool!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Cedric slowly turns into a giant, massive monster of fat and starts laughing wildly. However the bone he's standing on snaps beneath his weight, dropping him into the acid. Mini-Myself nearly falls as well, but Scarlett Johanson grabs his hand and pulls him up.*
  
−
Arnold: Silly duck-man, wat are you doing?
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The rest of the pirates are moping around the ship and watching tv.*
  
−
Frzlngd: I've captured the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada for you sir.
+
Scruffy: (flips through the channels until he arrives at the TV Land channel)
  
−
Scruffy: Haha, he has an accent! (gets electrocuted)
+
TV Land Dude: In light of Mr. T helping Mithos to take over the world capitol, we're holding a day-long A-Team marathon! (Tv is blown up by Scruffy's fireball)
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Yay electrocution! *gets shocked* This gives me ideas for your mom's Christmas present
+
Que Pasa: They've taken over the whole world now?
  
−
Arnold: Who caares about petty creeminals? You should be doing your job!
+
No Name: This has gone too far. We have to stop him.
  
−
Scruffy: Shocking, ain't it? Huh, huh, get the pun? (gets shocked more)
+
Stampede: But how?
  
−
Frzlngd: ...Catching criminals is my basic job.
+
Karl: Wait wait just one second. ...Where's That Krazy Dude?
  
−
Arnold: You know what? I've had enough of this, duck-man! You're fired!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Elsewhere, Mr. T is cleaning out his van when he sees a bunch of janitorial supplies. That Krazy Dude rises up.*
  
−
Frzlngd: But... but... (falls through trap door)
+
That Krazy Dude: Hey Mr. T, what's up?
  
−
Arnold: (to his aide) Who was that guy anyway?
+
Mr. T: I pity the fool who... who... does whatever you're doing at the moment!
  
−
Scruffy: But he won't get his Christmas bonus! What bout us?
+
That Krazy Dude: That's what all the women say to me...
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Penis?
+
Mr. T: You poor boy, let Mr. T help you... (Mithos enters, and Mr. T becomes angry at That Krazy Dude) No! Stop feeding off my pity with your jibba jabba, you fool! I will not allow this!
  
−
Scruffy: You gonna leave us here tied up or something?
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mr. T drives the van off towards the Golden Cheesecake and opens the back hatch, dropping both That Krazy Dude and a bomb on the ship. The explosion leaves all the GCPA members on the nearby shore.*
  
−
No Name: ... ...Weird ass Germans!
+
Que Pasa: We can't hold off any longer! We have to go to the World Capitol and stop Mithos!
  
−
Dr. Nina: I heard that chapter 23 review!
+
Scruffy: We can't. Mr. T is too much for us.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Frzlngd walks alone through the streets.*
+
That Krazy Dude: Not completely. I was able to bring out his pity. We can use that to our advantage.
  
−
Frzlngd: And that's pretty much it. In retrospect it wasn't too good a story. Now what do I do?
+
No Name: Yeah! C'mon Scruffy, we can do this!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: How bout Salama's mom? that's what I like to do!
+
Scruffy: Alright, fine. Let's do this.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Naked Deaf Greased Up Guy runs by*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>So the pirates board the only remaining method of transportation, the unicycle car, and drive off. Every few seconds they stop the one-wheeled car and get out so they can turn it before they continue driving.*
  
−
Mr. T: Untie us fool!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Lupine lies chained up at Vagineta's feet.*
  
−
No Name: I have frost bites on top of frost bites!
+
Lupine: You dirty hoe! How dare you!
  
−
Naked Deaf Greased Up Guy: Hey duckie you gotta atone for your sins and save them cheese guys! (runs off and has quick intercourse with Salama's mom)
+
Vagineta: You could have married me Lupine and become king of the ninjas! But instead you run off with that damned hussy!
  
−
Frzlngd: Those losers? Why should I bother? That won't help my Christmas!
+
Lupine: What have you done with her?!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Luke Skywalker runs by*
+
Vagineta: Forget about her. I'm all you need. All you'll ever need. Just forget about your meaningless pirate life and come back to me.
  
−
Luke: Have you seen Han?
+
Lupine: Um... let's be friends!
  
−
Scruffy: You know, years of doing Moms can have some unsightly side-effects...
+
Vagineta: How dare you reject me again! That's it, you have to have some feelings for me! We'll just beat you into admitting it!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *looks at hand*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Lupine's chains collapse. He immediately rushes forward, kicking one ninja with so much force that his flying body tears through the chests of a row of ninjas. Lupine then begins to engage Vagineta in hand-to-hand combat.*
  
−
Que Pasa: Go to your room Scruffy!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>The unicycle car smashes through the door of the world capitol and rolls down the hall. Then everyone gets to turn the car around a corner, and continue driving. They all get out at the top floor and enter the World President's Office.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *middle finger is gone* NOOOOO!!! Han's doing Salama's mom too!
+
Mithos: What is the meaning of this?
  
−
Scruffy: Que Pasa, you're awake, untie us!
+
Scruffy: (sets up a bomb) You blow up my house and left me for dead, consider us even. (starts to leave, but is cut off by Mr. T, who eats the bomb)
  
−
Luke: Don't worry I lost a hand!
+
Mr. T: Don't attack the milk-man. Stay out of this Scruffy. (grabs Scruffy by his skull, spins him around and tosses him through the wall)
  
−
That Krazy Dude: or not.
+
That Krazy Dude: Once I ate a person and found out he was actually me in the future. I'm doomed to become that man and get eaten by myself.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Suddenly a tunnel opens in the middle of the cell, and Frzlngd pops up.*
+
Mr. T: Let Mr. T turn that frown upside do- URGH
  
−
Scruffy: Oh, you're back to untie us!
+
Mithos: Don't let him control you! I am your lover! I am your master!
  
−
Frzlngd: You there, what day is today?
+
Mr. T: (clutches head) GAH GAH GAH DRINK MILK
  
−
Mr. Greco: Why it's Christmas day sah!
+
That Krazy Dude: Don't be afraid to reject me like those countless amounts of girls.
  
−
Scruffy: Official Do Your Mom Day ohhh!
+
Mr. T: ERRRRGH... TOO... MUCH... PITY... (charges forward blindly, trampling Krazy Dude on the ground)
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Awesome! I've already fulfilled the tradition then.
+
Scruffy: It's not working! How can we stop him!
  
−
Greco: Have some play-do.
+
Edwin: Hang on! When I was bored one day, I researched Mr. T! I know one weakness of his- he cannot turn to the left or right! He can only walk in a straight line!
  
−
Frzlngd: It's not too late! The naked greased up deaf guy, he did it all in one night!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Edwin and Scruffy look at each other at the same time.*
  
−
Scruffy: So....you hunting us?
+
Scruffy and Edwin: The Unicycle Car!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Frzlngd cuts through the pirates' bonds with the duck bill and cuts the bars of the prison.*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Lupine and Vagineta continue fighting.*
  
−
Scruffy: Finally!
+
Vagineta: You stupid man! Why can't you love me?
  
−
Que Pasa: *gets cheese doodles* THERE IS A SANTA...and...he...IS HONDURAN!
+
Lupine: Because I love her! (kicks Vagineta with both legs at the same time, sending her flying into her ninja minions and causing a massive explosion)
  
−
That Krazy Dude: You lie, he's obviously Mexican like everything else in the world. *everything has a sombrero on it*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Inside Scruffy's stomach, Mini-Myself and Scarlett Johanson cling to the last chicken bone as it approaches the intestines.*
  
−
Que Pasa: Look, there's Santa! It's Santa!
+
Mini-Myself: What's happening?
  
−
No Name: Where?!
+
Scarlett Johanson: Quick, take this teleporter I swiped from Cedric! You have to escape!
  
−
Scruffy: Where?
+
Mini-Myself: What about you?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: *stops doing your mom* Yeah. where?
+
Scarlett Johanson: There's only enough power to teleport one person! Go, Mini-Myself, go!
  
−
Que Pasa: *points up at the Millennium Falcon flying overhead*
+
Mini-Myself: But... (Scarlett Johanson kisses him) ...Okay. (teleports away while Scarlett Johanson goes down the feces slide)
  
−
Han Solo: Ho ho ho! Merry Christmas to all, that was one in a million!
+
Scruffy: Urgh...
  
−
Scruffy: It's really him, I knew he existed! Told you guys!
+
Edwin: Wait, what's wrong?
  
−
That Krazy Dude: That's amazing!
+
Scruffy: Nothing, I can hold it for a while. Let's do this.
  
−
Frzlngd: I love you guys. Sure in the stories after this I'll inexplicably have my job back and have no memory of this incident whatsoever, but still!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Scruffy drives the unicycle car forward at Mr. T at breakneck speeds.*
  
−
No Name: Hey Frzlgnd: what do you want for Christmas?
+
Mr. T: WHAT'S THIS, FOOL?
  
−
Frzlngd: Mount me.
+
Scruffy: I pity you now, Mr. T! (hits him)
  
−
No Name: I'm not ready for commitment.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mr. T is unconscious from the force of the unicycle car. Somewhere out there Mr. Feeny is experiencing an orgasm. Mithos remains defenseless.*
  
−
Sensei: Eeeehhhhhh?!?!?!
+
Mithos: No! Not now, I was so close! (evaporates)
  
−
Que Pasa: Oh Sensei!
+
Scruffy: (smiles) I love it when a plan comes together!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Who are you people!?!?!?
+
==Epilogue==
  
−
Miss Knight: That has lots of symbolism in it.
+
That Krazy Dude: (holds up mop) It's just you and me tonight, Stella.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: So does your face, but no one sez anything about that!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>That Krazy Dude opens the janitor's closet, and Pink Ninja and eLfa spill out.*
  
−
No Name: That was a compliment, you fail! *throws oven at Krazy*
+
That Krazy Dude: So that's where you've been!
  
−
Mr. Malkowicz: Krazy Dude. Get up and apologize for your vulgarity.
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Siren wheels a baby in a carriage.*
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Oh yeah? Well at least I'm not the one who isn't wearing any pants.
+
Que Pasa: Ooh ohh, name him Ramone!
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Malk looks down and runs off in embarrassment.*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>No Name walks towards Nia.*
  
−
Dr. Abbassi: All of you sign this now!
+
No Name: Where's Edwin? I've made my decision.
  
−
Que Pasa: *gets out a pen*
+
Nia: Too late, your choice has already been made for you. (points to Edwin making out with Zandra)
  
−
Abbassi: No no, with blood!
+
No Name: NO EDWIN COME BACK! I CAN CHANGE!
  
−
That Krazy Dude: ...
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Scruffy gets out of the bathroom.*
  
−
Miss Knight: I grade your papers with my blue blood!
+
Scruffy: That's strange, I don't remember eating any fully-grown women whole.
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Hey look it's a group of kids bouncing basketballs down the hallway while yelling vulgar words!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Que Pasa is waiting at a diner for his blind date. The female navy officer walks in. Que Pasa and the Female Officer immediately get into fighting stance.*
  
−
Abbasi: WHERE!?!? *runs off* I hope you have a parking permit, cause if not I will have to tow away your space ship...HALI BABA A SPACESHIP, ALAH HAS ARRIVED (STARTS PRAISING HIM)
+
Female Officer: Freeze! This is Officer Malaria of the World Navy!
  
−
Mr. Meyer: (opens up his Christmas gift and finds a bear trap) Now I can sleep at night!
+
Que Pasa: Malaria? I'm Que Pasa.
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mr. Meyer opens another gift and Pablo Guzman jumps out and starts assaulting him*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>They sit down at the table.*
  
−
Pablo Guzman: Bet you're not gonna sleep well now!
+
Malaria: I hear this place has good chicken.
  
−
Morgan Freeman: I think it's about time to end this. Merry Christmas to all even though it was yesterday!
+
Que Pasa: Let's talk about Batman...
  
−
That Krazy Dude: Hooray =D
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>After the date...*
  
−
Scruffy: Or was it??? (dramatic Woolly Mammoth Music plays)
+
Malaria: You do know I have to arrest you, right? (looks around but sees no sign of Que Pasa) I guess you do.
  
−
No Name: HUZZAH!
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Scruffy and Mr. T celebrate T's return, and after a few too many drinks they wind up grinding in the middle of the deck. Mr. Feeny gives them a thumbs-up from the backyard next door.*
  
−
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Mr. Nardiello dances by dressed as a ballerina and uses a wand to write "The End".*
+
<nowiki>*</nowiki>Lupine looks around through the rubble of the house. He finds no bodies, but he does find a picture of himself. Written on the back is "Keep waiting". Lupine slips the photo into his pocket beside his photo of the girl, and he walks off into the sunset.*
  
 
{{GCPA Sidequests}}
 
{{GCPA Sidequests}}

Revision as of 16:01, 25 October 2007

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10

The Newport/Hoboken Chronicles Part 2

by No Name on December 28, 2005

*At Newport...*

*Stampede, Krazy Dude, Shiny Stallone, No Name, his brother Some Name, Karl (the angry black man who's trying to get outta the hood), Edwin, Salama, and Patten McGroin assemble in the food court at a random table.*

Shiny: *drinks Coca Cola from Popeyes* Man, this is good!

*Krazy walks up to the table with a drink from Panda Express. Both Shiny's drink and Krazy's drink are medium yet Krazy's drink is much larger than Shiny's.*

Shiny: Yo, what the hell? Why's your drink so much bigger than mine?

Krazy: Because the panda owns the chicken no matter what! *cheesy thumbs up*

*In the background you see the giant chicken from Family Guy get its ass kicked by a panda. The two of them near the edge and "finish him" is heard. The panda uppercuts the chicken who flies off the third floor of Newport and drops down onto the unnecessarily large, spiky object shop and dies.*

Stampede: Hey, weren't Cap'n and Que Pasa supposed to be here?

Krazy: They're busy with a mission so we're gonna have to go to our secondary homes after we're done here.

*Somewhere far away...*

Cap'n: Watch out, Que Pasa! *throws fireball at flesh-eating zombie penguins*

Mr. T: I pity the penguin who dare to eat T's flesh!

Que Pasa: Hey, did anyone see American Dad yesterday?

*Back at Newport...*

No Name: I'm sure they're fine!

Salama: Hey Krazy, you told me Liz was gonna be here too!

*Elsewhere Liz is at a party with the other people in her "group" while they "work on a project".*

Patten: She'll be here sooner or later.

*The crew wanders around the mall aimlessly while several of them complain about not doing anything. Stampede devours a Mcdonald's burger while Some Name steals Salama's seat while Salama's waiting at Mcdonald's even though he was further up on the line than Stampede who already has his food. Patten gets bored and calls Liz to see when she's going to Newport*

Patten *on phone*: Yo Liz, where are you?

Liz *bassline is heard in background and shouts of drunken nerds are heard*: Oh, um...I'm on the bus?

Patten: .....Okay, I'll see you in a bit then.

*Liz finally manages to meet up with the crew*

No Name: Finally now can we head to Hoboken before my ticket expires! I only have until 4:53. *looks at watch. the time is 4:53* NOOOO!!! *gets tackled by literail security*

Some Name: Wait, he's not even on the literail!

Karl: Now you know what it's like to not escape the hood!

Literail Security Officer: That black man hasn't escaped the hood! Get him! *tackles Karl*

Stampede: Wow, that's really fucked up!

*Later on, the crew heads to Hoboken.*

*While in Hoboken...*

*The crew wanders around the streets of Hoboken thinking that they're going to get some food*

Edwin: Yo, where's Karl?

Krazy: He's probably finishing the job that I started on your mo.m

Liz: Hey, who's that?

*A not so angry black man who has escaped from the hood runs up to the crew. He looks very much like Karl except he's wearing a hat that says "JR" and a cape with a cheeseburger on it. And for some reason this man was wearing a black sweatshirt that says "BROWN" in white letters.*

Edwin: Who are you?

Johnny Rocket: I am Johnny Rocket, the hero who battles injustice with delicious sandwiches and cheeseburgers. So you are all hungry I see. How about some Johnny Rocket's burgers?

No Name: Hey look it's a Subway!

Stampede: Let's eat fresh!

*Jared runs in.*

Jared: Your mom eats fresh!!

Krazy: Oh SHIT!!!

Johnny Rocket: ....Oh....*runs off*

*The sound of changing clothes is heard in between angry swearing and Karl runs up to the crew.*

Karl: Hey guys, what did I miss?

Salama: You missed Johnny Rocket!!!

Karl: Oh cool. Oh hey look, a Subway!

Salama: Oooh, let's go there!

Shiny: Salama, are you hungry again?

Salama: Hey, my dad told me not to eat the food court but he never said anything about eating the subway!

Shiny: You fat fuck.

*Several sandwiches, bags of chips, and sodas later, the crew heads to Barnes & Noble.*

*Salama reads a book of strange facts about sperm and other weird things. Karl and Krazy Dude wander over to the cultural books section. Karl finds a book about black penises and their sizes which is described by some dude who wrote a book about vaginas as disgusting yet intriguing. As he reads the book he looks over to see Dr. Nina talking to Edwin, Stampede, Shiny, and No Name a few feet away from him. Karl hastily puts the book away and walks off awkwardly as Krazy follows*

Karl: You didn't see anything. We were there looking at the book about American women and no one will ever know other than you, me, and whoever is reading this post right now.

Krazy *speaking loudly*: DON'T WORRY KARL, I WON'T TELL ANYONE YOU WERE LOOKING AT A BOOK ABOUT BLACK PENISES!!!

Karl: ....God dammit Krazy Dude!

*The crew tires of Hoboken and decides to part ways at the literail station. They head over to the station.*

Shiny: Hey, look at this crappy thing on the lamp post. *kicks the cover at the bottom of the lamp post and it falls off with a loud bang* Oh shit!!! *everyone runs away*

*The crew reaches Hoboken Terminal.*

*Liz knees No Name in the ass*

No name: Ow, my ass! You just drove your knee into my ass. Not even on the butt cheek, but right in the center!

Liz: I love doing that!

*The crew finally gets their tickets and no one notices Karl get on the west side lite rail to go home. As the lite rail car leaves, it explodes violently with Karl in it.*

*The crew parts ways and go onto separate lite rail cars. Patten, Stampede, Liz, and Edwin go onto one and No Name, Some Name, Krazy Dude, Salama, and Shiny get onto another. The first lite rail car with Liz, Patten, Edwin, and Stampede on it takes off but tde-rails and slams into a wall tragically just after it went out of sight*

Some Name: So wassup, guys?

Shiny: Oh shit, I forgot to validate my lite rail ticket! *runs off the lite rail*

No Name: *sticks his head out the doorway* NO SHINY, DON'T BE A HERO!!!

*Shiny avoids nuclear missiles and land mines and finally reaches the ticket validater. He rushes back, avoiding more explosives, and steps onto the lite rail*

*The lite rail pulls into Newport and No Name, Some Name, and Krazy Dude get off. They head into Newport as the lite rail gets hit by a plane.*

*Krazy Dude, Some Name, and No Name walk through Newport. No Name and Some Name part ways with Krazy Dude as Krazy heads to EB Games while No Name and Some Name head for the Mcdonald's where they'll get picked up by their parents and head home. As Krazy walks to the EB Games, he is hit by a flaming lite rail car that plows through the wall and collides into him.*

*No Name and Some Name head home and they go to sleep. But they hear a strange noise and both wake up to see several lite rail cars in their room. The house explodes violently, thus ending the second part of the Newport/Hoboken Chronicles*

Pirates Vs. Ninjas II

by Scruffy, Que Pasa and That Krazy Dude on January 27, 2006

*One day Scruffy, Krazy Dude and Que Pasa wake up and find the rest of the crew... is gone!*

Mr. Scruffy: =O

That Krazy Dude: Where is everyone!?

Mr. Scruffy: (runs around scared) (trips) (explodes)

That Krazy Dude: Where's Lupine? Who's gonna make my crappy breakfast!

Mr. Scruffy: Where's Stampede?

That Krazy Dude: He's never on anymore!

First Mate Que Pasa: Don't worry, I'm substitute chef. (eats a bran muffin and regurgitates it for the others to eat)

Mr. Scruffy: Now nobody to say I suck then sucker punch me!

That Krazy Dude: Hasn't been on for over a week. *pokes food with fork*

First Mate Que Pasa: We don't need them! We can make it on our own!

Mr. Scruffy: (food goes through table) Um, you sure this is edible?

That Krazy Dude: *food springs at him as he dodges out the way, and it flies off the deck and into the ocean*

Mr. Scruffy: (fish rise dead to the surface) So, we just wiped another species out.

That Krazy Dude: Yay! So what do we do now that everyone's like...gone and stuff?

Mr. Scruffy: I guess search for them.

That Krazy Dude: ...Do we have to?

First Mate Que Pasa: Now we're just a Golden Cheesecake Pirate Company, but we can still make it good- come on, let's do some pillaging!

Mr. Scruffy: We can be like detectives. (they go into town and get caught by navy)

That Krazy Dude: We can take em, it's only 3 to 9999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999999.

Mr. Scruffy: (imitation voice) Now we're just a Golden Cheesecake Pirate Company, but we can still make it good- come on, let's do some pillaging!

First Mate Que Pasa: Your mom's an imitation voice.

That Krazy Dude: Your mom's an imitation.

Mr. Scruffy: Both your moms are imitations of eachother's moms' voices and what suckas?

That Krazy Dude: And you're an imitation of an imitation of penis!

Mr. Scruffy: That's not what your mom said last night in bed OHHHH!!!

First Mate Que Pasa: (sneaks into one of the navy bunkers. First goes into the bathroom and smashes a guy's head into the mirror while he's taking a tinkle. But Lieutenant Baby-Eater sprays him with fear gas, sets him on fire and shoves him out a window) That didn't go well.

Mr. Scruffy: Ouch.

That Krazy Dude: Ow.

First Mate Que Pasa: *Officers beat him while he's on the ground on fire.* Help?

That Krazy Dude: *stares for five minutes* ......... WE HAVE TO HELP HIM!!!!!

(Nemo is in a train car and he is left as the train falls through numerous parking lots, concrete, and pillars, then crashes into some cars and explodes.)

That Krazy Dude: *runs to help him but trips and falls off a randomly placed cliff*

Mr. Scruffy: You think he is alive?

First Mate Que Pasa: NAVAL BRUTALITY!

That Krazy Dude: *Nemo's head rolls to Scruffy's feet* Guess not.

Mr. Scruffy: That answered my question pretty clearly.

That Krazy Dude: Indeed.

(Halo respawn counter reaches zero and Nemo respawns on top of fire and falls in)

*Lieutenant Baby-Eater leaps down and swings around a long lead pipe and attacks the pirates with it.*

Mr. Scruffy: Ouch man, that hurt!

That Krazy Dude: *throws water from bucket at the pipe causing it to rust*

Mr. Scruffy: (takes pipe) (smacks him with it) How do you like I you?

Baby-Eater: (cries and runs off, then explodes)

That Krazy Dude: Sweet!

Mr. Scruffy: Who else wants a peace of pipey?

(The navy runs away and explodes violently in a giant chain reaction.)

Mr. Scruffy: That worked out pretty well.

That Krazy Dude: Yeah, actually it did.

First Mate Que Pasa: We're better off without those losers!

That Krazy Dude: Yeah! We can handle things ourselves!

Mr. Scruffy: Yeah, I know! (holding gold) Our first successful pillage in months!

That Krazy Dude: Amazing.

Mr. Scruffy: Who needs those losers? We're good on our own!

That Krazy Dude: Yeah.....

Mr. Scruffy: We still need at least one chick though.

First Mate Que Pasa: Where are we gonna find one of those?

That Krazy Dude: True.

Mr. Scruffy: I dunno, Walgreen's may have a sale on them!

That Krazy Dude: (checks sign) "Chicks aisle 5".

Mr. Scruffy: Excellent! Well guys, choose. I'll buy.

That Krazy Dude: *looks around at the women*

First Mate Que Pasa: Hm... an okay selection...

That Krazy Dude: Indeed.

Mr. Scruffy: Choose already, and no Asian chicks!

That Krazy Dude: Awww, someone else choose for me!

First Mate Que Pasa: I choose... (checks tag) Vagineta. She's a mix of every race except Asia and she can lift mountains with her eyelids.

Mr. Scruffy: How much?

That Krazy Dude: Says: $50,000 and your virginity.

Mr. Scruffy: Um, too expensive!

That Krazy Dude: Damn! =(

First Mate Que Pasa: Don't worry, it's on me.

That Krazy Dude: Sweet! Wait...

Mr. Scruffy: If you insist!

First Mate Que Pasa: I'll use the money and virginity from my Swiss bank account

That Krazy Dude: We're pirates! Aren't we supposed to like...rob the place or something?

Mr. Scruffy: You're right.

First Mate Que Pasa: Yeah, why do we keep forgetting that?

Mr. Scruffy: I always forget that concept. Let's do it!!!!!!

That Krazy Dude: Yeah!

(Minutes later, they are on the line for the cashier)

First Mate Que Pasa: *snatches Vagineta and uses her as a bat to smash open the window, then they all jump out.*

Mr. Scruffy: We were on the cashier line and you lost your virginity. Was that really necessary?

First Mate Que Pasa: If you insist!

That Krazy Dude: Your mom insists.

Mr. Scruffy: (they walk back inside and go back on the line) What the fuck? We were already outside.

That Krazy Dude: Huh?

First Mate Que Pasa: So... we test Vagineta's powers in the alleyway!

That Krazy Dude: And her powers would be...

First Mate Que Pasa: She can lift mountains with her eyelids.

That Krazy Dude: Oh yeah!

*They watch Vagineta lift up dumpsters, but then out of one of them falls... Wally!*

That Krazy Dude: Wally, it's you!!!

First Mate Que Pasa: That stalker might have some idea where Lupine is... but why would we even want to know?

That Krazy Dude: Listen for the sounds of the owl. *hear owl orgasms*

Mr. Scruffy: Oh yeah!

That Krazy Dude: That way!!!

Mr. Scruffy: (runs in the lead)

That Krazy Dude: *runs not in the lead*

First Mate Que Pasa: *runs in the opposite direction and gets hit by a truck*

That Krazy Dude: Sweet.

*Vagineta tries to make her elbows touch behind her back*

Mr. Scruffy: Silly Vagineta, trix are for kids!

*Soon, following the call of the owl, the pirates see a dark fortress ahead.*

Mr. Scruffy: Brings back memories.

That Krazy Dude: Yes it does.

First Mate Que Pasa: *blasts the doors open with cannon nose. Immediately they are attacked by ninjas.*

Mr. Scruffy: Damn you ninjas!

That Krazy Dude: *dodges ninja attack and smacks him with end of mop*

Ninja: They have no hats, which one's the leader?

That Krazy Dude: Why is your penis small!

First Mate Que Pasa: *loads a rocket into his nose and fires it into a crowd of ninjas.*

Mr. Scruffy: (turns concrete ninjas are standing on into lava)

That Krazy Dude: *throws pine sol on the floor and ninjas start to slip around and stuff*

*Two previously unseen ninjas drop down from the ceiling, grab Nemo and disappear with him.*

Mr. Scruffy: (throws fireball on one of them, who runs to crowd then explodes) Oh boy, they are gonna have a ball!

First Mate Que Pasa: *slaps Scruffy* Get ahold of yourself, captain!

That Krazy Dude: *cheesy laughs* Time to...clean up!!! *starts assaulting them with mop*

Mr. Scruffy: Ouch! I'm actually sane.

First Mate Que Pasa: *eating a ninja's leg* We all are

Mr. Scruffy: (picks Que Pasa up, lights him on fire, and throws him to a pile of ninjas playing goldfish)

First Mate Que Pasa: That was the last Goldfish they ever caught.

Mr. Scruffy: You're still on fire.

*The cards light on fire and fall towards the other ninjas, setting them on fire, who run into more and more ninjas, setting them all on fire.*

First Mate Que Pasa: I'm always on fire in a way.

Mr. Scruffy: Shouldn't you flop, jump, and punch around?

*With that taken care of, they advance further up the tower and find the rest of the crew imprisoned.*

That Krazy Dude: Wow.

Lupine: (pulls owl out of his pants) I knew you guys would hear our call!

First Mate Que Pasa: What happened?

Mr. Scruffy: Oh boy!

That Krazy Dude: So you were captured by ninjas huh? It's like pirates vs. ninjas!

Mr. Scruffy: The sequel.

That Krazy Dude: Yeah!

Stampede: You three were the only ones who forgot to wear hats on Big Hat Day, so they thought we were the captains.

Mr. Scruffy: It was Big Hat Day? Damn, I missed it again this year!

Mr. T: The ninjas want us dead foo!

Mr. Scruffy: (deep voice) Viewer discretion advised. Oh, why would they want to do that?

Vagineta: For revenge!

That Krazy Dude: Awesome.

First Mate Que Pasa: Vagineta?

Vagineta: That's Queen Vagineta of the ninjas! You fell into my trap!

Mr. Scruffy: We should have seen that coming from a mile.

*The three pirates all run towards Vagineta, but she swats them back with her eyelids and shoots shuriken out of her ears.*

Mr. Scruffy: Ouch, they can cut?

That Krazy Dude: Ouch!

Mr. Scruffy: Not cool! (throws it into her eye) (she screams in pain) See, they hurt!

First Mate Que Pasa: Quick I have an idea!

Mr. Scruffy: What is it?

That Krazy Dude: Huh?

*That Krazy Dude uses his mop to throw the shurikens back into Vagineta's ears, and as she is distracted by this Scruffy fires a fireball and Que Pasa fire a rocket so they hit each other right in front of Vagineta. Vagineta is completely destroyed.*

Mr. Scruffy: Splash damage, hilarious!

First Mate Que Pasa: Thank you Mattbeard.

*Mattbeard is seen in the sky giving a thumbs up and laughing.*

First Mate Que Pasa: *frees the pirates by burning through their cell bars with his vomit*

Mr. Scruffy: (gives thumbs up back with cheesy smile)

*All the GCPA reunite and go into a musical number on the importance of teamwork and dental hygiene.*

That Krazy Dude: *stares at musical number in awe*

Pokemon Narrator: and so our friends have learned yet another important value of friendship, what challenges lie ahead for them, is yet to be seen...

Disembodied voice that is attempting to sound cool but is actually not: Gotta catch em all! Pokemon!!!

Pokemon Narrator: And that ends the story of how the pirates defeated the non-Asian ninja queen.

That Krazy Dude: Sweet!

Morgan Freeman: What about me?

That Krazy Dude: ........

Pokemon Narrator: You're fired. Didn't you get the memo?

That Krazy Dude: ......... *stares back and forth between Morgan Freeman and the Pokemon Narrator*

Mr. Scruffy: Actually, you're fired, I own this crew and the story and I decide that the black man stays.

That Krazy Dude: Yeah....

Morgan Freeman: Didn't you get the memo?

That Krazy Dude: Your mom did!

Valentine's Day Special: Mind of the Tap-Dancer, Heart of Granola

by Que Pasa

Part One: Vorpal Sketched a Picture of Me Last Night

Carl Winslow: Three two one, one two three. What in the world is bothering me?

*February 13th, late in the night. Mr. T strolls through the garden of the Golden Cheesecake, humming the A-Team theme as he waters the plants... with milk.*

Mr. T: Drink your milk and you'll become big and strong in a manner not unlike T's. (one of the plants brush against his gold chains as he bends over, so T whips out a shotgun and blasts it) Sorry but don't touch my gold.

*From the shadows emerges Mithos, the demented midget who can make anyone of any size, shape or gender fall in love with him instantly. He silently approaches Mr. T.*

Mr. T: (sniffs the air, catching Mithos's man-stink) Who there?

Mithos: I'm right behind you.

*Mr. T spins around, ready to toss Mithos helluva far and then rape his corpse, but he freezes as he beholds Mithos's form.*

Mr. T: (holds up the flower he shot) You can drive T's van.

*Mithos hops onto Mr. T's shoulders and laughs maniacally. A mind-blowing opening credits theme follows. The next morning the crew is preparing for Valentine's Day while Que Pasa and Edwin make their way to Intro to Sci in Sci Fi.*

Edwin: I heard a rumor that the real reason Siren was absent last week is because she was pregnant with a crew member's baby.

Que Pasa: What? W-Where'd you hear such a wild rumor? (hides child support bills) But anyway, remember the time Mr. Malk totally burned Marchese?

*Que Pasa and Edwin turn around to see Mr. Marchese standing sadly behind them.*

Mr. Marchese: He... he didn't say anything about my hair, did he? Guys, I need your help.

Edwin: Do you even know who we are?

Mr. Marchese: Not in the slightest. But I need your help with a girl - the girl from Real Genius.

Que Pasa: Hm, let's try that thing they did in 411. (takes Rafael's contaminated Snapple bottle and hands it to Marchese while "Pimp Juice" plays in the background with half the words censored out)

*Mr. Marchese drinks it and collapses foaming from the mouth. Que Pasa and Edwin pause for a moment, then they run off. But their second match-making mission succeeds as they unite Dr. L with a dolphin. Suddenly en explosion rocks the building.*

Que Pasa: What's going on?

*A familiar van rushes through the school as Que Pasa and Edwin turn and run.*

Edwin: Wait, that's Mr. T's van. (stops in front of the van) Hey Mr. T, let us in! (is smacked ten feet into the air by the car)

Que Pasa: What's going on? (leaps onto the van and climbs along the roof) What are you doing Mr. T? (looks in the windshield and finds not only Mr. T but Mithos) AHHHHHH.

*Mithos points up. Mr. T's fist crashes up through the windshield, grabs Que Pasa and tosses him to a light fixture, zapping him with electricity until he collapses lifelessly on the ground. Soon Que Pasa and Edwin rush back to the Golden Cheesecake.*

Edwin: Guys, Mr. T has gone evil! He's tearing up High Tech!

Scruffy: That's impossible.

Que Pasa: This whole affair is being managed by Mithos's shrunken hand.

Scruffy: That minuscule fiend! Suit up, pirates! We gotta save the T-man.

No Name: Can we hurry up? All of us except Lupine have dates tonight, you know.

Lupine: What about Que Pasa?

Que Pasa: I have a blind date with a chick named Malaria.

Lupine: I'll brew a Stew of Depression for dinner tonight.

*The pirates are all prepared to leave while Lupine stays alone in the kitchen. As No Name is about to leave, Nia pops up.*

No Name: Oh, Nia... what a surprise!

Nia: (feels along No Name's sweatshirt and finds a long blonde hair) Whose hair is this?

No Name: Errr... (Edwin watches on meekly)

*The rest of the pirates all drive the Golden Cheesecake into High Tech. There they see Mr. T pick up a vending machine and tossing it against the wall, smashing both the wall and the machine while Mithos munches on a Pop-Tart (tm).*

Scruffy: Mr. T, stop! Come to your senses!

Mr. T: Don't you fooling fools understand? With my milk-man T's happy. Don't touch my gold.

Karl: Can't you see he's controlling you? Come back to us, Mr. T!

Mithos: T-Bone, wipe out those jealous prats as a symbol of our everlasting love!

Mr. T: Anything for you Milk-Man!

*The pirates stand to oppose Mr. T as he changes into a tight spandex suit and charges forward. T slams right through them, sending them flying to the air like bowling pins bouncing on a trampoline.*

Mithos: HWAhahaha, delicious!

*Nearly everyone is unconscious after T's hurricane-like frenzy. Only Scruffy is standing.*

Scruffy: Mr. T, please stop! You have to remember me! This man is a vicious killer! Please, Mr. T!

Mr. T: (twists Scruffy's arms behind his back) Don't drive my van. (tosses him through the kitchen into a giant can of leftovers that would later be grinded into pizza toppings)

Mithos: This has been beautiful, T-Bone! Now let us leave.

*Mithos and Mr. T drive off in the van, leaving behind the collapsed pirates. Soon Stampede wakes up due to The Guz's amazing powers of recuperation and revives Mini-Myself.*

Stampede: We must rescue Scruffy before lunch begins.

Mini-Myself: I'm on it!

*Stampede and Mini-Myself put on gas masks and kick down the door to the kitchen, then they burst in and find the lunch ladies dumping the whole can into a giant blender, then they start to activate it.*

Mini-Myself: There's no time!

Stampede: Not a question with The Guz!

*Stampede releases bolts of magic that knock out the lunch ladies. One of them smashes into the blender, breaking it open while Scruffy flies out in a flood of disgusting food.*

Mini-Myself: What the hell did you need me for?

Stampede: I don't quite remember.

Mini-Myself: What's wrong with Scruffy?

Stampede: He appears to be choking on mashed potatoes. You may actually have a small use after all.

Mini-Myself: Hot damn!

*Mini-Myself shrinks down and slips into Scruffy's mouth, then slides down his throat until he stops on the pile of mashed potatoes. He quickly plants a charge there, blowing up the mashed potatoes, but he forgot to bring a grappling hook so he slips down the esophagus screaming.*

*Back with No Name...*

No Name: Alright, I admit it, that's Edwin's hair!

Nia: Edwin?

Edwin: I'm sorry. I didn't know how to break it to you.

Nia: That's it! No Name, you have to choose which of us you love more!

No Name: (looks horrified)

*Elsewhere, Mithos and Mr. T leave the school in the van.*

Mr. T: That was foolin' fun, Milk-Man!

Mithos: Yes indeed, my T-Bone! And now the pirates are left beaten and weakened while the navy is on the way! THEY'RE ALL DOOMED!! HYA HAHAHA!

Morgan Freeman: No Name given an ultimatum. Mini-Myself stuck in the captain's body. Mr. T under the control of a hyperactive midget. Lupine brooding alone. And the rest of the crew cornered by the navy at long last. How will the GCPA survive this ejaculation of cliffhangers? Find out!

Part Two: I Could Go For a Muffin About Now

*A man approaches Lupine in the kitchen.*

Lupine: Who the devil are you?

Man: You are Chef Lupine Shadow, correct? I'd like you to bake a cake for my friend's birthday party today and deliver it if you can. It's kinda last minute, but I'll pay any fee you ask.

Lupine: Sure, do you have any requests?

Man: Yeah, can you make the cake with her face on it? Here's a picture of her.

*The Man shows Lupine a picture. Lupine stares in shock. Aeolus freezes in shock and falls into the stew. Lupine recognizes the picture as the exact same picture he carried in his left pocket- the picture of the girl he's been trying to find for years.*

Man: I'll leave her address on this fancy Sticky-Note. Good luck!

*Lupine immediately gets to work on a cake.*

*Elsewhere all the pirates are slowly regaining consciousness while a group of navymen led by a female officer surround them.*

Officer: Surrender now pirate scum! We have you this time!

Que Pasa: Geh... I don't think so. Pirates, attack. (Where's the captain?)

*All the pirates rush towards the naval troops. That Krazy Dude slides down a rope from the ventilation shaft, then swings from it to kick over a group of navy troops.*

ADD: Take this, you salty seamen!

*Elsewhere, No Name uses a Jedi mind trick to knock Nia and Edwin out. Actually he hits them with a rock.*

No Name: Good, now I have time to think. ...I know the best place to go for advice!

*Elserwhere, inside Scruffy's body, Mini-Myself is navigating Scruffy's stomach with a flashlight, dodging the bits of ruined pizza, fries and Spanish food.*

Mini-Myself: Wow, this is even more disgusting then dissecting earthworms.

*A giant tapeworm emerges from the lagoon of fat and hisses. Mini-Myself runs and dodges the tapeworm's swipes. However, Scarlett Johanson rides in on a motorboat and spears the tapeworm on a harpoon.*

Mini-Myself: Scarlett Johanson? What the hell are you doing here?

Scarlett Johanson: I've been trapped in this wasteland for days. I've been imprisoned here by Bernie Mac.

Mini-Myself: Do you know any way out of here that doesn't involve being encased in feces?

Scarlett Johanson: We have to find Bernie Mac's lieutenant, Cedric the Entertainer, who's waiting for me to succumb so he can collect my spine.

Mini-Myself: The fiend!

*Back at the barnyard, the pirates are still fighting off the navymen. Que Pasa grapples with the female officer.*

Que Pasa: A female officer? Shouldn't you be in the kitchen, making me some chicken or yummy raviolis? Maybe some pot roast.

Female Officer: (stuffs a handful of mashed potatoes into his face and dropkicks him)

Que Pasa: That'll do.

*Scruffy and Stampede rush back in.*

Scruffy: (cuts a bunch of navymen in half) Scruffy McGruffy, taking a bite out of law enforcement!

Nemo: Que pasa que pasa! (anal raped)

Siren: I'll finish this- ack, my water broke!

*The female officer reaches into Que Pasa's chest, pulls his heart out and tosses it into the French fryer.*

Que Pasa: Good thing I bought some extra ones on eBay.

Mr. Matt Malkowicz: So you do have a heart.

Stampede: It is time for The Guz to end this.

*Stampede floats into the sky and summons a swarm of meteors that frighten the navymen into a retreat.*

Scruffy: Mr. T...

Que Pasa: Hm... I think I may know someone who can help us with our troubles...

*The GCPA walk into the backyard next door and find Mr. Feeny from Boy Meets World.*

Que Pasa: FEE-NAY!

Mr. Feeny: Ah, Mr. Pasa. Mr. Scruffy. Mr. The Guz. Mr. Eagler. Ms. Siren. Mr. Name...

Que Pasa: (looks at all the other pirates) This may take a while.

*A few hours later...*

Mr. Feeny: And Mr. Trying to get out the hood. What brings you here?

Scruffy: Our friend Mr. T has gone evil. We need your help to stop him.

Mr. Feeny: (regurgitates a one-wheeled unicycle car)

Pink Ninja: How will that help us?

Mr. Feeny: That is all I have to say on the matter. I'm also dispensing romantic advice for twenty dollars apiece.

No Name: Mr. Feeny! I need your help to choose between the two people nearest to me!

Mr. Feeny: Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.

No Name: What?

Mr. Feeny: Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.

No Name: What?

Mr. Feeny: Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.

No Name: What?

Mr. Feeny: Science without religion is lame, religion without science is blind.

No Name: What?

Mr. Feeny: Next.

Que Pasa: I have a blind date tonight.

Mr. Feeny: You're screwed.

Que Pasa: Santa, can you get Lupine a girlfriend so he can stop cutting himself over my good carpet?

eLFa: He used to date me. Then we found out I was his sister.

Scruffy: Enough of this. We must find a way to defeat Mr. T.

*Everyone disperses.*

Mr. Feeny: (sighs) Maybe one of these days they'll ask me about my troubles... (sheds a tear)

*Mini-Myself and Scarlett Johanson find Cedric the Entertainer, but they are immediately chased by a flood of digestive acids.*

*The pirates are all back on the ship.*

Scruffy: You actually brought that unicycle car back?

*Finally, Lupine wheels a cake towards the girl's house... only to find flaming rubble. Ninjas leap out at him.*

Morgan Freeman: You know the drill. To be continued.

Part Three: It's Been About a Month Since the Actual Valentine's Day But Hey

Written June 23, 2006

*The van smashes through the World Capitol. Mr. T walks through the halls as Mithos follows behind him. T's body absorbs all the gunfire, and he simply smacks all the guards to the side as they approach. Finally they reach the capital room and confront President Schwarzenegger.*

Arnold Schwarzenegger: What is the meaning of this?

Mithos: Out of the way, Nixon. That chair is mine.

Arnold Schwarzenegger: (pulls out enough weapons to decimate a small country) Do not zink I will leave the world I love without a fight.

Mr. T: (flings Arnold out the window)

Mithos: Excellent job, T-Bone! The world is ours!

*Elsewhere, Lupine angrily leaps at the first two ninjas, smashing their heads together with enough force to blow them up. He then tears out one of the ninja's spines and uses it as a sword to fight off a few more ninjas, impaling them. But then ninjas keep on piling in, and they soon restrain Lupine as the Ninja Queen Vagineta approaches.*

Lupine: What the hell are you doing?

Vagineta: Payback, honey. (evil laughter)

*Inside Scruffy's stomach, Mini-Myself and Scarlett Johanson engage Cedric the Entertainer in a high-speed battle within a giant chicken skeleton, slowly climbing the skeleton as the lower portions are slowly being eaten away by digestive acids.*

Cedric the Entertainer: (grabs Mini-Myself by the neck and holds him into the air above the acids) You cannot defeat me! I was in the remake of the Honeymooners!

Scarlett Johanson: I'm blonde! (dropkicks Cedric's stomach)

*Cedric the Entertainer stumbles over in pain, then vomits out a baby that quickly grows into a second Cedric the Entertainer. Both Cedric the Entertainers smash into Scarlett from both sides, trying to crush her with their fat.*

Cedric the Entertainers: Now you shall never again interfere with the Big Mac!

Mini-Myself: No!

*Mini-Myself leaps forward, growing enough so that when he smacks into the first Cedric, it immediately tumbles into the digestive acids.*

Cedric: How dare you, slightly larger than before man! I as well can grow!

*Cedric slowly turns into a giant, massive monster of fat and starts laughing wildly. However the bone he's standing on snaps beneath his weight, dropping him into the acid. Mini-Myself nearly falls as well, but Scarlett Johanson grabs his hand and pulls him up.*

*The rest of the pirates are moping around the ship and watching tv.*

Scruffy: (flips through the channels until he arrives at the TV Land channel)

TV Land Dude: In light of Mr. T helping Mithos to take over the world capitol, we're holding a day-long A-Team marathon! (Tv is blown up by Scruffy's fireball)

Que Pasa: They've taken over the whole world now?

No Name: This has gone too far. We have to stop him.

Stampede: But how?

Karl: Wait wait just one second. ...Where's That Krazy Dude?

*Elsewhere, Mr. T is cleaning out his van when he sees a bunch of janitorial supplies. That Krazy Dude rises up.*

That Krazy Dude: Hey Mr. T, what's up?

Mr. T: I pity the fool who... who... does whatever you're doing at the moment!

That Krazy Dude: That's what all the women say to me...

Mr. T: You poor boy, let Mr. T help you... (Mithos enters, and Mr. T becomes angry at That Krazy Dude) No! Stop feeding off my pity with your jibba jabba, you fool! I will not allow this!

*Mr. T drives the van off towards the Golden Cheesecake and opens the back hatch, dropping both That Krazy Dude and a bomb on the ship. The explosion leaves all the GCPA members on the nearby shore.*

Que Pasa: We can't hold off any longer! We have to go to the World Capitol and stop Mithos!

Scruffy: We can't. Mr. T is too much for us.

That Krazy Dude: Not completely. I was able to bring out his pity. We can use that to our advantage.

No Name: Yeah! C'mon Scruffy, we can do this!

Scruffy: Alright, fine. Let's do this.

*So the pirates board the only remaining method of transportation, the unicycle car, and drive off. Every few seconds they stop the one-wheeled car and get out so they can turn it before they continue driving.*

*Lupine lies chained up at Vagineta's feet.*

Lupine: You dirty hoe! How dare you!

Vagineta: You could have married me Lupine and become king of the ninjas! But instead you run off with that damned hussy!

Lupine: What have you done with her?!

Vagineta: Forget about her. I'm all you need. All you'll ever need. Just forget about your meaningless pirate life and come back to me.

Lupine: Um... let's be friends!

Vagineta: How dare you reject me again! That's it, you have to have some feelings for me! We'll just beat you into admitting it!

*Lupine's chains collapse. He immediately rushes forward, kicking one ninja with so much force that his flying body tears through the chests of a row of ninjas. Lupine then begins to engage Vagineta in hand-to-hand combat.*

*The unicycle car smashes through the door of the world capitol and rolls down the hall. Then everyone gets to turn the car around a corner, and continue driving. They all get out at the top floor and enter the World President's Office.*

Mithos: What is the meaning of this?

Scruffy: (sets up a bomb) You blow up my house and left me for dead, consider us even. (starts to leave, but is cut off by Mr. T, who eats the bomb)

Mr. T: Don't attack the milk-man. Stay out of this Scruffy. (grabs Scruffy by his skull, spins him around and tosses him through the wall)

That Krazy Dude: Once I ate a person and found out he was actually me in the future. I'm doomed to become that man and get eaten by myself.

Mr. T: Let Mr. T turn that frown upside do- URGH

Mithos: Don't let him control you! I am your lover! I am your master!

Mr. T: (clutches head) GAH GAH GAH DRINK MILK

That Krazy Dude: Don't be afraid to reject me like those countless amounts of girls.

Mr. T: ERRRRGH... TOO... MUCH... PITY... (charges forward blindly, trampling Krazy Dude on the ground)

Scruffy: It's not working! How can we stop him!

Edwin: Hang on! When I was bored one day, I researched Mr. T! I know one weakness of his- he cannot turn to the left or right! He can only walk in a straight line!

*Edwin and Scruffy look at each other at the same time.*

Scruffy and Edwin: The Unicycle Car!

*Lupine and Vagineta continue fighting.*

Vagineta: You stupid man! Why can't you love me?

Lupine: Because I love her! (kicks Vagineta with both legs at the same time, sending her flying into her ninja minions and causing a massive explosion)

*Inside Scruffy's stomach, Mini-Myself and Scarlett Johanson cling to the last chicken bone as it approaches the intestines.*

Mini-Myself: What's happening?

Scarlett Johanson: Quick, take this teleporter I swiped from Cedric! You have to escape!

Mini-Myself: What about you?

Scarlett Johanson: There's only enough power to teleport one person! Go, Mini-Myself, go!

Mini-Myself: But... (Scarlett Johanson kisses him) ...Okay. (teleports away while Scarlett Johanson goes down the feces slide)

Scruffy: Urgh...

Edwin: Wait, what's wrong?

Scruffy: Nothing, I can hold it for a while. Let's do this.

*Scruffy drives the unicycle car forward at Mr. T at breakneck speeds.*

Mr. T: WHAT'S THIS, FOOL?

Scruffy: I pity you now, Mr. T! (hits him)

*Mr. T is unconscious from the force of the unicycle car. Somewhere out there Mr. Feeny is experiencing an orgasm. Mithos remains defenseless.*

Mithos: No! Not now, I was so close! (evaporates)

Scruffy: (smiles) I love it when a plan comes together!

Epilogue

That Krazy Dude: (holds up mop) It's just you and me tonight, Stella.

*That Krazy Dude opens the janitor's closet, and Pink Ninja and eLfa spill out.*

That Krazy Dude: So that's where you've been!

*Siren wheels a baby in a carriage.*

Que Pasa: Ooh ohh, name him Ramone!

*No Name walks towards Nia.*

No Name: Where's Edwin? I've made my decision.

Nia: Too late, your choice has already been made for you. (points to Edwin making out with Zandra)

No Name: NO EDWIN COME BACK! I CAN CHANGE!

*Scruffy gets out of the bathroom.*

Scruffy: That's strange, I don't remember eating any fully-grown women whole.

*Que Pasa is waiting at a diner for his blind date. The female navy officer walks in. Que Pasa and the Female Officer immediately get into fighting stance.*

Female Officer: Freeze! This is Officer Malaria of the World Navy!

Que Pasa: Malaria? I'm Que Pasa.

*They sit down at the table.*

Malaria: I hear this place has good chicken.

Que Pasa: Let's talk about Batman...

*After the date...*

Malaria: You do know I have to arrest you, right? (looks around but sees no sign of Que Pasa) I guess you do.

*Scruffy and Mr. T celebrate T's return, and after a few too many drinks they wind up grinding in the middle of the deck. Mr. Feeny gives them a thumbs-up from the backyard next door.*

*Lupine looks around through the rubble of the house. He finds no bodies, but he does find a picture of himself. Written on the back is "Keep waiting". Lupine slips the photo into his pocket beside his photo of the girl, and he walks off into the sunset.*

Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests
1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10
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