Gamehiker Member OG 8 Page 1

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Author: Masamune

~the scene opens up at Golem's house~

Golem: *watches a GMOG not to be named get sent to Page 2* Whoooo!!! Hahahaha! *runs down the street*

GORE: Golem! Golem!

Golem: Hahaha- huh? What the- You guys were supposed to be stuck in some crazy time-ridden OG!

GORE: I know, Golem. But I'm back. I'm back FROM that non-parody OG.

Golem: ... oh snap. ~passes out~

GAMEHIKER MEMBER OG VIII
THE FINAL PARODY

~The scene is an abysmally dark night. Kuria stands watching as Codtroopers run through the city dramatically for no reason. After getting bored she runs to Vorpal~

Kuria: Why is this happening?

Vorpal: I don't know. But you look beautiful.

Kuria: It's bad luck to see the bride before the wedding which is obviously ruined anyways but stop looking at me like that shut up.

~Masamune runs in yelling at the Codtroopers~

Masamune: What's going on! How dare you mess up my OG Forum! What's the meaning of this!?

Murasame: *steps out* Masamune my old nemesis. It's been too long.

Masamune: ... Murasame? I thought you were a the bottom of the sea!

Murasame: I'm a villain. It's what I do.

Masamune: Be that as it may, you have no right to gatecrash on this OG that was GOING to be "The Vorp's Bride".

Murasame: Oh.... But I do. ~Dramatic Cliffhanger~

~Elsewhere~

Luigi: I can't believe I got left out of the beginning. This makes me angry, look at this unshaved face and rebel attitude.

GM: Yami is dead. You have to accept that.

Luigi: No! I'm going to angstily get on my motorcycle and stare aimlessly at a lake!

GM: But you hate Yami!

Luigi: But chicks totally dig angst.

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Luigi rushes out to the lake. He pulls out a heart-shaped locket and opens it. It begins to play a musical tune as he sees a picture of himself standing with Yami, with the label of "Best Friends... FOREVER"!*

Luigi: Oh Yami. Where have you gone?

*Luigi picks up a minuscule pebble and tosses it softly into the lake. The lake is immediately engulfed by an atomic explosion. Luigi looks up and sees Yami Yoshi standing there.*

Luigi: Yami... you're alive! But how? Why?

Yami Yoshi: It's a simple story, really. You thought you saw me die. At that moment I tumbled down the well Golem-Prime caused a tremor in the universe that reanimated my body while at the same time a cosmic force steadily bathed me in gamma rays. Thus my soul traveled into a robot duplicate, but the robot exploded when it could not understand the meaning of love and left my soul there, fragmented. A Nazi cult ritual then slowly reassembled my soul, which wandered the Earth for a body. As I flew through the Earth's atmosphere a meteor flew threw my soul and landed in that lake, causing it to form a living version of my body. I quickly entered the body, which was preserved in a giant egg at the bottom of the lake until you disturbed my slumber and freed me.

Luigi: I can't believe it. You're alive, aren't you?

Yami Yoshi: In a way I am, Luigi. In a way I am. (grows twice his size, sprouts fangs and pounces on Luigi)

*Elsewhere, at Port Ugly.*

Murasame: It's simple, Masamune. You owe Donkeyman a debt.

Masamune: D-d-Donkeyman?

Murasame: The incident at England has changed him. He's no longer so nice and furry. I was at the bottom of the sea when he came to me and freed me in exchange for a century of work on his ship.

Masamune: So you're that freak's gopher now!

Murasame: You know what Donkeyman wants. (nods to Vorpal and Kuria) I'll be taking these two as insurance.

Vorpal: I'd like to see you try!

*Vorpal lifts a torch and swings it at Murasame, who blocks with his sword. A small duel ensues. Masamune walks to Kuria.*

Masamune: Time to go, poppet!

Kuria: I'm not leaving without Vorpal!

Masamune: The only thing he can do is buy us time, now let's use it while we still can!

*Masamune quickly picks Kuria up and runs to the edge of the tower with her, then leaps from it, landing perfectly on the deck of the Swordefeller. He sees GORE-ILLA talking with the other crewmates.*

GORE-ILLA: ...So you see, not only is there no 6, but there's no 5+1 either.

Dodo: Oy, so now I know how to get grass stains off my helmet. Thank you.

Masamune: Quick, everyone! Go! GO!

*Everyone panicks and rushes back and forth around the ship as it takes flight. At that moment Zambi Yoshi flies down, knocking off Masamune's hat, which falls overboard.*

GORE-ILLA: Quick, get Masamune's hat!

Masamune: No! Go without it.

*Everyone looks for a moment at Masa in shock, then they continue on. Dodo walks over to Masamune.*

Dodo: Pardon me Masa, but what exactly is it we're running from?

Masamune: ...Nothing.

Author: Vorpal

*Vorpal and Murasame are locked in a torch/sword fight. With each clash the torch spits out sparks that make for a very action movie-y effect. But neither give up much ground.*

Murasame: Hahahahahaha!

Vorpal: What are you laughing about? Wait... why isn't.. *turns around* That rat Masamune ran off.... and with MY GIRL! He usually only does that with females connected with Luigi in some way.... He better not being making any moves on her with his drunken-like demeanor....*begins singing* Shot through the heart.

Murasame: *walks up beside Vorpal singing* And you're to blame.

Both: You give love a bad name!

Vorpal: Heh heh heh. Why are we fighting anyway?

Murasame: Cause I wanna get off that boat! *knocks Vorpal unconscious*

*Vorpal wakes up but still in a daze with a figure sitting beside him*

Vorpal: Ugh... where am I?

Kuria-like voice: Now now, you had a pretty nasty bump there. Everything's fine though in good old 1999.

Vorpal: *shoots straight up* NINETEEN NINETY-NINE!

K-L V: Hehe. Just kidding. It's 2006. But last we saw each other was 1999.

Vorpal: You're M- .... M-

Misty: Misty. Yep.

Vorpal: But... you're dead.

Misty: Yeah... well... this seems to be a common theme... but I too was given my life back for an extended stay on Donkeyman's ship. It's AWESOME! Sun-bathing, and working out to become SUPER-SEXY! Check out these abs! *lifts up shirt*

Vorpal: O_o Ack! Must be strong! I sure hope this doesn't turn into some awkward love... *counts on fingers*... rhombus? parallelagram? trapezoid?.... Uhm... Misty... *pulls down her shirt* There's something.... that's changed since 1999.

Misty: What's that? I am completely accepting of whatever changes may have happened unless except if you moved on and found someone else... Then I'd have to kill you.

Vorpal: Uhm... NOTHING! Nothing's different! I haven't even aged! ... I want to see this... Donkeyman.

*Donkeyman's Ship, The Flying Arabdude, is more a cruiseship than anything else. People are playing shuffleboard and other things, but one group is playing a dice game betting years.*

Misty: Being on this ship is so relaxing that people try to win more years away from other people.

Vorpal: This place seems deceptively.... wonderful.....

Author: SteveT

SteveT: Yo ho, yo ho, and axe-murderer's life for me...

Straw Man: This ship is sinking!

SteveT: *stomps on floor* No splashes. We must be fine.

Straw Man: But it's made of lead!

Lynel: Only in name.

Straw Man: You can just tell yourself that while you're licking all the lead atoms off your tail tonight.

Lynel: *Falls asleep*

Straw Man: DOOM!

SteveT: Shut up. We have to catch up with Vorpal.

Straw Man: But he'll inundate us with lyrics from H.M.S. Pinafore!

SteveT: I don't remember them in the 80s...

_____

Misty: You'll never have problems here again, Vorpal.

Vorpal: What, never?

Misty: No, never.

Vorpal: What, never?

Misty: Well, hardly ever...

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

~Luigi backflips away from Yami, then draws his laser sword.~

Luigi: What are you doing?!

Yami: Killing you.

Luigi: I thought we were friends! ~lightning strikes something somewhere~

~Yami shrugs and lays an egg shaped like a sword, then picks it up and points it at Luigi. Luigi casually walks forward and cuts through the egg sword. He keeps walking, then realizes that he can't because his blade is locked with Yami's unrelenting sword.~

Luigi: DagBLASTit. Back in my day, lightsabers CUT things. ALL things. Sodding magical swords...

~Yami grins and shoves the laser sword back, then impales Luigi...

's shoulder blade.~

Luigi: I'm bleeded!

Yami: I'm going to pull this sword out excruciatingly slowly so that you have time to think about your horrible grammar.

~Luigi switches hands with his laser sword, which prompts Yami to pull the sword out quickly and impale the other shoulder.~

Luigi: Ha! That wasn't slow!

Yami: You'll bleed to death either way.

Luigi: Good point.

***

Vorpal: Hellooooo? Mr. Donkeyman?

~Vorpal goes down into a pitch black room, followed by Misty, who holds his arm. Suddenly, a torch flares up, and Vorpal stares across the hull of the cruise ship, where hundreds of skeletal M&M guys are chained to benches and rowing the boat, all singing "Don't Rock the Boat."~

Vorpal: What is this place?! And why didn't I hear singing earlier?!

Misty: Seeing is believing, or something.

~At the other end of the hull sits Donkeyman, now wearing a black robe. He has an afro, which is dyed white except for a few black patches on the front, forming the picture of a skull.~

Vorpal: Waitaminute! You can't have an afro unless it's a flashback!

Donkeyman: Bite me.

Author: Masamune

Luigi: *holding hands over his wounds* Why did you come back!? We liked you better as a zombie!

Yami: While drifting through existence, I saw that in another timeline things had progressed quite differently since that fateful day my cheesecake was stolen. It was a better time... a SUPERIOR TIME. This time. All that has happened should not have happened! And I will undo it all!

Luigi: *yawns* Sorry, what? I stopped paying attention after the first line.

Yami: ... I'm gonna undo everything.

Luigi: You can't!

Yami: Can't I? *walks away, leaving Luigi to die*

~An hour later, Golem arrives~

Golem: I can't believe GORE just left me passed out in front of my house. What a jerk. *sees Luigi's hat floating in the air.... and well EVERYTHING floating in the air not attached to the ground. Except the water, because that would take a LOT more special effects* Gasp! Yami must've been here! This is his favorite spot!

Luigi: Ungh.... *waves desperately at Golem from just above his head*

Golem: Luigi's hat. He must have died. As tragic as that might be, I'm more excited that Yami has returned even if it seems likely he caused all this horrible destruction.

Luigi: I'm up here!

Golem: I have to tell the others but forget to mention that Luigi is probably dead! *runs back to the meeting place wherever that its*

~Meanwhile, back on the Flying Arabdude~

Donkeyman: Rememer me, Vorpal?

Vorpal: I dunno, that whole business with pizzas and time-warped islands has frayed my memory. You're that cowboy horse dude, right?

Donkeyman: Not quite. But I remember you quite well.

Misty: Hey! I was supposed to introduce you two to one another!

Vorpal: Judging by that afro and these underfed workers, you must be the Bad Guy!

Donkeyman: Observant as ever. You foiled my plans once. Now you will be the one to carry them out.

Vorpal: I'll never do it! NEVER! YOU HEAR ME!? NEVER!?

~the scene shifts to Vorpal's NES collection being held over a tank of lava~

Vorpal: I meant almost never, seriously! Almost never!

Misty: *grumbles: He didn't say that when Donkeyman held me over the lava...

Donkeyman: Perfect.

~Meanelsewhiles, on Masamune's Ship the S.S. Swordefeller II or III. Seriously, which one is it now?~

Masamune: Finally. The island of the crazy she-devil of the ancient order!

GORE: Isn't this Sapphire's summer house?

Masamune: Hush! Only she knows the way I can defeat... uh... I mean... get a lot of treasure.

Kuria: Why haven't you told any of them about-

Masamune: *covers Kuria's mouth* -about my plan to give them all raises!? I was going to keep it a secret!

~the crew cheers~

GORE: *wipes tear from eye* You're the best captain ever. Except for the other one in the Cheesecake Armada. But that's only because he put fountain drinks in the employee lounge.

Masamune: ... and I was going to do that!

~crew cheers again~

Masamune: AFTER I talk to the crazy she-devil and find this treasure I'm looking for that may or may not involve lots of needless deaths on your part.

Dodo: So nothing out of the ordinary.

Masamune: Right! To the longboats, lads!

Author: GORE-ILLA

*The Flying Arabdude drifts through a giant rainstorm. Everyone rushes back and forth, preforming grueling tasks of manual labor that don't really do anything to help the ship at all. Vorpal runs around with an eager smile on his face as the rain beats down on him.*

Vorpal: (tugging at a suspended rope) Wow! This is fun, eh guys?!

Shipmate: (tugging at the rope next to Vorpal's, and crying) UGH MAKE THE PAIN STOP!!!

Aaron: Slacker! (whips him and in the meantime spots Vorpal) Ah, Vorpal, my old nemesis.

Vorpal: Sorry, I think you got the wrong Vorpal.

Aaron: No, you remember me, don't you? Aaron?

Vorpal: ...

Aaron: The Ukranian Guy hired me to kill you guys in GMOG 2... but instead of doing anything of importance I got trapped in the Plot Hole for the whole OG...

Vorpal: ...

Aaron: Alright, fine! I'm sure you don't remember me! That's why I sold my soul to Donkeyman, so I can have a significant role in these OGs!

Vorpal: Yeah, that's nice. All the more power to you.

*Donkeyman watches from his deck.*

Donkeyman: His girl was supposed to be captured as well. The three would be turned against each other. Oh well, they'll have their reunion when they capture Masamune for me.

Mariorocks 66: Why coitenly my overlord!

Donkeyman: Massage my scalp.

*Masa's crew boards the levitating long boats and rides them to Sapphire's hut.*

Masa: (to Dodo) Watch the boat.

Dodo: (to Kuria) Watch the boat.

Kuria: (to GORE) Watch the boat.

GORE: (sees no one else left) What the hell kinda crew is this?

*Golem quickly docks in a swan ship.*

Golem: GORE, you won't believe it-

GORE: Good, you can watch the boat.

*They enter Sapphire's hut while Golem paces back and forth impatiently outside.*

Sapphire: Captain Masamune. It's been long since you've been drawn to these shores.

Masamune: We need your help. It's about the Donkeyman.

Author: Masamune

Luigi: *twiddles thumbs as he floats in the air* Man. This lack of gravity stuff is getting old. When is someone gonna turn it back on?

???: ~Mysterious southern voice~ I think it's best you get on down from there, son.

Luigi: Who's there? I'm currently spinning in a way that limits my vision.

???: Not now, Martha. *walks over to a tree and turns a switch labelled with "G"*

Luigi: *falls* Ow, that fractured on another bone. But on the plus side I'm not dead, but I'm missing my hat. ~Masamune's hat suspiciously falls on his head from the sky* Well that works, I guess. Wait... aren't you Johnny Depp's mysterious alter ego in Secret Window!?

???: Jonathon will do for now, son. Come with me.

Luigi: Hey wait, you mean the gravity was just a switch? I thought Yami tapped into mysterious powers!

Farmer Jon: Not quite, son. Lil' brother has been making mischief again. You're going to help me.

Luigi: Could we stop by a hospital first?

Farmer Jon: You won't be taking me to no Den of Satan. We'll find some herbs and corn leaves.

~Meanwhile, on the Flying Arabdude~

Vorpal: So Misty, I noticed you guys do a lot of menial labor. I thought this place was supposed to be great?

Misty: Oh it is, it's just we celebrate Misery Monday. It makes us remember what real life is like so we don't take the cruise ship for granted.

Vorpal: Wow, that's... pretty clever, actually.

Misty: So what did Mr. Donkeyman ask you to do?

Vorpal: Oh, well...

Flashback

Vorpal: I meant almost never, seriously! Almost never!

Donkeyman: Perfect.

Vorpal: So what do I have to do. Fight Masamune or something? I've done it before, just so you know.

Donkeyman: My revenge against Masamune may be incomplete, but he is not my pressing concern right now. I need you to act as my agent. There is a key.

Vorpal: A key to what?

Donkeyman: A key to an oven. But first we need the key.

Misty: ... so where do we find this key?

Vorpal: 'We'?

Misty: You don't expect me to stay here, do you?

Vorpal: Well you are a female- *coughs* Er, of course not. We have to go to-

~Sapphire's Summer House~

Sapphire: -London, England. Better known as Rocketsville Again.

Masamune: Wow, that name sure is catchy.

Kuria: Okay, so we need a key to an oven. And this relates to Mur-

Masamune: *grabs Kuria's mouth again* Murals? I dunno how it relates to that! Quit that crazy woman talk - no offense Sapphire - because that makes no sense.

GORE: Ahahaha, crazy women. That sounds like something my other captain would say.

Dodo: I think the GCPA reference has been made clear, okay?

GORE: Huh?

Sapphire: Now that I've told you that, what have you got for me?

Masamune: How about a zombie yoshi? *fires ten consecutive shots into Zambi's head, with no effect* Not bad, right?

Sapphire: ... why would I want that? You know what, I'm going to just go with you and when I find something I like, I'll grab that.

Masamune: Oh fine.

~The group walk out to meet Golem, who is still waiting~

Sapphire/Golem: *see eachother* Oh. You.

Masamune: Ooh, I'm sensing some hostility. Eh, eh? *ribs GORE*

GORE: No, I'm fine.

Masamune: ... *turns to Golem and Sapphire* Anyways! Golem, what are you doing here.

Golem: YAMI IS ALIVE! I saw undeniable proof! Oh, and Luigi died. *holds up Luigi's hat*

Masamune: *snatches Luigi's hat* Hmm. A little dirty, but it'll work. *puts hat on*

Dodo: But Zambi is right here with us. How could Yami be back?

Golem: Because I saw UNDENIABLE PROOF. Is that not enough for you people!?

GORE: Man, that takes me back to that one time Yami and I were trapped on an island with a crazed killer. Good times, good times.

Masamune: Well there's only one way to find out. Take this ship to go looking for a key and trust that Yami's subplot will inevitably crossover with ours.

Golem: Then count me in!

Author: GORE-ILLA

Donkeyman: Rose, Rose, Rose, Rose
Shall I ever see thee wed?
I merry that I shalt?
When thou art dead...

*The New UPN Headquarters. Prisoners are huddled along a narrow bridge and put in cages that are pecked out by birds. Coffins are tossed overboard to the ocean. One such coffin floats for a while and is pecked by a bird until a sword cuts through. Masamune pops out dramatically.*

Masamune: Go along, birdy. (pulls out skeleton leg) Sorry, mate. (rows to the Swordfeller)

Dodo: What did you find at the New UPN Headquarters, master?

Masamune: This. (holds out a napkin with a key drawn on it)

Dodo: Ah, so that's the key.

Masamune: I'll just skip the rant and say that now we need to find both the key and the oven it unlocks. Now we can go to England.

Sapphire: Wait! Let me see that! (snatches) There's something written on the back... in Turquoinese...

Dodo: Your people have a written language?

Sapphire: It says "Here the story of the Oven of the Dead Man... Long ago, the Donkeyman fell in love with a woman. This woman was wild and untameable like the sea. Eventually the Donkeyman saw her with another man. In purest anger, he regurgitated his heart and tossed it into an oven with the other man. Locked away, they bake to this day, the source of the Donkeyman's power."

Masamune: How boring, sounds like an ancient chick flik.

GORE: While you were in UPN, I enlisted several volunteers for our crew. I call them the OG Six. First there's me and Zambi Yoshi, the leaders, but we were already in the crew.

*A surfer dude walks out.*

GORE: This is Untribulous. His glove gives him control of all surf boards and styrofoam.

Untribulous: This is a hot place braw!

GORE: And this is TennisMaster, defender of cheesecake! *fanfare*

*A warthog and a rhinoceros mutant walk out.*

GORE: And finally these are Bebop Skull Dragoshi and Fusesteady!

Masamune: You're all fired. (shoves them all overboard)

*Masamune notices Kuria sitting alone and walks over to her.*

Masamune: Is there a problem Miss?

Kuria: Well... I just feel like an outsider without Vorpal here. I never really got to know many of you aside from him. I'm also worried about him. Last time we got separated, he panicked and started dating some Neko-Neko girl! It took me months to forgive him.

Masamune: Look at the bright side. At least you have someone. I've been alone for centuries with no relationship lasting for long. I'd like a relationship even like your's and Vorpal's.

*They look at each other for a few seconds, then look away.*

*The OG Six land near Farmer Jon and Luigi.*

Farmer Jon: Ah, more pilgrims for our mob Martha.

GORE: (looks at Luigi) Martha? I always suspected you were really a woman.

Luigi: Shut up already.

Farmer Jon: The robot chimp can stay for now, but I'll be needing all your technology to be cleansing our angry mob. (everyone sighs and tosses in their pieces of technology, which Farmer Jon destroys) Now we go to this Yami Yoshi's house and talk some sense into him before my brother finds him first. He's a bad seed, my brother is. Surely he has some nefarious schemes in mind.

*In Yami Yoshi's house...*

Yami Yoshi: Those scumwads. They don't care, they didn't even bother to avenge my death! The ones who killed me still live...

*Elsewhere, Lupus and Fred row towards England with a Batman holding the prison keys.*

Fred: Well I say it was divine providence that got us broken out of jail!

Lupus: And I say it was me being clever! Ain't that right, Poochie? (tickles the Batman) What are you doing?

Fred: (reading every religious book ever) I'm reading the good books! We're not immortal anymore, so it's time we took care of our immortal souls!

Lupus: But you can't contain information for more than five seconds, nor can you read in any of those languages. Also I don't think we ever were immortal. Also I think I'm being too out-of-characterlly sensical.

Fred: It's every religion known to man except Scientology, you get credit for trying!

Lupus: Pretending to read those things is a lie, it's a mark against You-Know-Who!

Fred: Voldemort?

*As the boat approaches England's shore, the Batman leaps from the boat and swims away. Lupus and Fred laugh until their boat is swept up by a tornado that drops them on the coast of England. They see the Swordefeller tied up there.*

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

~Masamune and crew explore England, as it might have some pertinence to Donkeyman.~

Dodo: It's quiet. Too quiet.

Masamune: Shut up.

~Everyone steps onto a very obvious hole covered by leaves trap except for Masamune, and only because his coat got tangled in a bush nearby. The trap falls in.~

Masamune: ~walks over~ Have a nice trip?

Dodo: Shut up.

~Masamune turns to get rope and is faced by Kaiser Bear VII.~

Kaiser Bear VII: GROAR! ~slashes Masamune across the chest~

Masamune: Oh come on. Luigi's the only one who's allowed to get hurt.

Kaiser Bear VII: Oh well. ~knocks Masamune out and carries him away~

Dodo: So much for that plan. All right. As first mate, I order miscellaneous crew to fly up and find us a rope.

~The miscellaneous crew fly out of the hole and are promptly eaten. Several bears flutter into the hole with wings made from said crew.~

Bear: Hmm... ~points at Dodo~ Too fat. ~points at Kuria~ Too hawt.

~The bear stops and looks at Golem and Sapphire, standing at other ends of the hole from each other.~

Bear: Perfect.

~The bears grab Golem and Sapphire and fly out. They are taken to a hut in the middle of a forest.~

Bear: ~throws them in~ Heh heh. Enjoy being eaten.

Sapphire: That was the worst taunt I've ever heard.

Bear: So? ~slams the door~

Golem: I wonder why they want to eat the skinny people first...

Sapphire: So I'm too skinny, is that what you're saying?!

Golem: What? I meant me!

Sapphire: Oh, calling me fat now, are you?!

Golem: No, I--

???: Ahem.

~Golem and Sapphire turn and see a shadow watching them. They huddle together a moment, then realize that they're huddling and turn their backs to each other. The shadow steps forward to reveal...~

Golem: Ditto!

Ditto: Captain Ditto.

~Ditto is wearing a green helmet with a steel question mark attached to the forehead and an opaque yellow visor, a large scar across the right (his right) side of it. He is also wearing a green spandex suit (parted slightly at the stomach), with a green cape and yellow boots and gloves.~

Golem: We thought you were dead!

Sapphire: What's with the ugly suit?

Captain Ditto: Nay. Dark Ditto marooned me in this forest years ago. It was here that I discovered my PGX powers, and I've been fighting these bears since. Unfortunately, my strength is fading. So I have a gift for you two. ~hands them P-Watches~ Just say the word, "Isshoni," to transform into stunningly stylish (or maybe it's stylishly stunning) superheroes.

Golem: Okay... ~puts on the watch~ Isshoni?

~Nothing happens.~

Captain Ditto: Put some feeling in it.

Golem: ~sticks out his tongue and poses while standing on one foot~ Isshon-i-ru-ru, baby!

~In multi-colored flashes of light, Golem is garbed in a white and brown spandex suit, with a helmet similar to Ditto's save that it doesn't have the visor (Golem's glasses glow yellow, however) and instead of the question mark there is two fingers arranged in a V-salute. Rather than a cape, Golem's scarf trails out behind him. Golem and Ditto turn to Sapphire just as she finishes changing into her Lady in Red outfit.~

Viewtiful Greg: Hey, Lady. Where did Sapphire go? ~crosses arms~ Not that I care, of course.

Captain Ditto: No no. You have to use the watch.

Lady in Red: This is better.

Captain Ditto: Use the watch!

Lady in Red: ~sighs~ Fine. Isshoni.

~Sapphire changes into a red and blue dress/miniskirt with black tights and no sleeves. Her extra long ponytail sticks out of the back of her helmet, which has an unscarred visor and a silver teardrop. She pulls out awkwardly-shaped blasters from seemingly nowhere.~

Sexy Sapphire: Happy now?

Viewtiful Greg: (I am.)

Captain Ditto: There's only one thing left to do.

Viewtiful Greg: What's that?

~The walls of Ditto's hut fall outwards. Golem and Sapphire find themselves surrounded by bears.~

Captain Ditto: Test you. ~disappears~

Viewtiful Greg: Oh snap?

***

~Meanwhile, Masamune lays unconscious on some sacrificial altar on some mountaintop. A black shadow crawls towards him and becomes... a black puddle. It reaches up to his hand with tiny tendrils, then crawls onto his shirt, where it starts to turn the whole thing black. Masamune's wounds mysteriously heal... but they always do that, so it's not cryptic or anything. Really, it's not. CUT!~

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Flashback: circa 1990. Farmer Jon and EVIL Scientist Dude walk out of a car on Yoshi's Island.*

EVIL Scientist Dude: I still don't know why I'm here.

Farmer Jon: Now let's do this, boy, and do it good!

EVIL Scientist Dude: What are you my grandma.

Farmer Jon: Now you simmer down, boy. Simmer down. As long as you keep on takin' them meds like I told you, you won't have no wild fantasies about science.

EVIL Scientist Dude: Yes... brother...

*They enter the house and meet with Master Yoshi.*

Farmer Jon: Hello good sir, we're here to enroll your child Yami Yoshi into the Agricultural Youth Program, where we shall teach him about the evils of society and how to counter them by tendin' to their fields.

Master Yoshi: WE DON'T WANT ANY! (slams door)

*Farmer Jon looks around and notices EVIL Scientist Dude has escaped. Jon curses and spits on the ground.*

==End Flashback==

*Farmer Jon and the OG Six arrive at Yami Yoshi's house after swimming to Yoshi's Island and hoofing the rest of the way.*

Farmer Jon: I feel an unpleasant breeze.

*A land rover walks out. EVIL Scientist Dude walks out, flanked by some generic minions. Finally Murasame descends while a creepy choir version of the Full House theme plays. Luigi stares in shock.*

Murasame: How much more of this gruntwork will Donkeyman have me do?

EVIL Scientist Dude: He'll release you when your debt is fully paid in his mind, and not a minute earlier. (sees Farmer Jon) Just stay out here. This is a family matter. (creepy choir version of the Family Matters theme plays) Make sure none of them enter.

*EVIL Scientist Dude and Farmer Jon walk to Yami Yoshi's house. In the meantime Murasame approaches Luigi.*

Farmer Jon: What do you think you're doing her boy?

EVIL Scientist Dude: Visiting an old friend.

Farmer Jon: We never got to meet the pilgrim! Probably a tech junkie. Will do me good to release his soul.

EVIL Scientist Dude: Still as simple-minded as ever. Donkeyman and I, we're thinking on a much larger and more needlessly complicated scale...

*On the cannibal island otherwise known as England, the captive crewmates (basically just Dodo, Kuria and a few extras) are taken before the Solider Bear chief. It is none other than Roy, the nerdy boy who is possessed by the spirits of Carrotcake King, Kaiser Bear IV and Uruguay.*

Kaiser Bear VII: [What should we do with these captives, Grandfather?]

Dodo: Don't eat me!

Roy: [BITE INTO THEIR BONES!!!]

Soldier Bears: (chant) GRAA GRAA GRAA!!!

Roy: (leans over and whispers into Dodo's ear in Roy's voice) Help me!

*The Soldier Bears carry the crewmates to their holding pens.*

Kuria: Oh great. We're gonna get eaten by bears.

Fred: I speak the language of the bears. They say since Kaiser Bear IV is trapped in Roy's body, they have to break his fleshly prison to release him, so they're gonna eat him good.

Lupus: But hey! I'm sure the real Roy's not too keen of the idea, if of course his real self is somewhere in there after the last seven or so OGs.

Fred: The dichotomy of good and lobsters?

Lupus: Precisely, Fred. Precisely.

Dodo: WWRACK DON'T EAT ME!

*Back in the future, Viewtiful Greg and Sexy Sapphire are still beating up a group of Soldier Bears. They live in large numbers in this area.*

Kaiser Bear VII: [Argh load the cannons!]

*And on the sacrificial altar, the Soldier Bears sacrifice Masamune for the eighth time.*

Masamune: OKAY YOU CAN STOP NOW I THINK YOUR FREAKING BEAR GODS ARE HAPPY!

Kaiser Bear VII: [This one just won't stay down!] (flings torch)

Author: Masamune

Masamune: *gets burned alive again* Man, I haven't got flamed this many times since I wore a witch hat in Salem.

Black Pudding: Remember me?

Masamune: Oh right, you skipped a post.

Black Pudding: *shrugs* I needed a soda. Anyways, I can get you out of this.

Masamune: How?

Black Pudding: Like this.

~Loud screams are heard as the scene closes~

Viewtiful Greg: There's too many of them!

Sexy Sapphire: Yes, well. *kicks another Bear in the head* We can die looking good or something.

Viewtiful Greg: I don't want to die!

Captain Ditto: *backhands Golem* Shut up and fight!

Viewtiful Greg: Aw man.

~Meanwhile, back at Yoshi's Island~

Murasame: We meet again, Luigi. I see you've gone to the Agricultural Side.

Luigi: It was that or dying in midair.

Murasame: I'd offer you apprenticeship, but on the other hand, you suck!

GORE: Hey wait, I'm still here! *ahem* You going down bad guys... OG SIX GO!

~The OG Six, plus Luigi and Jon pose on one side. On the other side Murasame, EVIL Scientist Dude and Murasame pose... and then behind them leaps out the giant HORRIBLE Yami mutant thing~

Luigi: Holy crap he's back!

Yami: I WILL DESTROY ALL LIFE AAAAARGH

GORE: Go team!

~Luigi grabs a shovel and goes blow to blow with Murasame. EVIL Scientist Dude and Farmer Jon keep circling one another... forever. The OG Six face Yami.~

Untribulous: SURFS UP DUDE! *turns his Surfboard into pure Awesome and rides in midair towards Yami, who tackles him down with on giant clow and then slurps him up and swallows*

GORE: Holy crap!

Tennismaster: SERVE UP MAN! *whips out his Pibb-Blade-Racket and does some awesome moves or something while attacking Yami, but he also gets eaten*

GORE: My team!!!

Bebop Skull Dragoshi and Fusesteady: STFU MAN! *they attack in unison just like how they were introduced, firing millions of bullets from their machine guys. But since bullets hitting would be violence and teach kids that guns kill, every bullet misses and they get eaten by Yami*

GORE: Looks like it's up to us, Zambi!

Zambi: Grrrrrruuuuuuugh.

Yami: Ah! My old body... I have no use for it anymore! *torches Zambi with fire breath*

GORE: NOOOOOOO!!!

Yami: And now for you, old chum! *sticks his tongue out to eat GORE, but he trips over Farmer Jon and EVIL Scientist Dude who are still circling one another, and instead knocks GORE far, far away*

~GORE lands in front of a half-buried Subway~

GORE: NOOOO! You ate them up! You bastards! Damn you! Damn you all to hell!!!!!

Subway Employee: You'll need someone to lead you now.

GORE: Uh... *turns around to see someone walking toward him*

Captain Scruffy: *takes a bite from an apple* Now then, what have you done with me ship?

Author: GORE-ILLA

GORE: Cap'n Scruffy! What are you doing here?

Scruffy: The GCPA and me are here in one of our time-hopping adventures. We thought you could use a hand.

*Scruffy nods to the other members of the crew: Que Pasa, the first mate and extremely dim-witted mechanic with the powers of the Millennium Nose; Chef Lupine, the emo third mate who fights with his feet; Skanky Siren, the crew's undercover stripper who can knock out most people by flashing them with her chest; Stampede, the marksman also known as The Guz (pronounced Gooz); That Krazy Dude, the janitor who confuses enemies with random expressions and depression; And No Name, the extremely ugly Jedi of the team. There are a few other crewmates but I don't feel like making this paragraph longer.*

GORE: I feel we will all benefit from this spontaneous crossover.

Scruffy: As do I, honorary member. And what HAVE ye done with my ship?

GORE: Did you check under the couch?

Lupine: (checks under the couch) What do you know, it's right here!

Scruffy: Excellent! All aboard, crew!

*The GCPA and GORE-ILLA all board the Golden Cheesecake and sail off at high speed on their way back to Yoshi's Island.*

*Murasame sets Luigi's shovel on fire, grabs him by the leg and tosses him into Yami's house.*

Murasame: Goodbye, apprentice.

*Inside the house, Farmer Jon attempts to skewer Yami on a pitchfork, but Yami eludes all his attacks.*

EVIL Scientist Dude: Time to un-even the playing field somewhat!

*EVIL Scientist Dude messes around with his anti-gravity device, causing the house to float several feet into the air, and causing a force to push Luigi away from the fight. Luigi attempts to come, crawling along the walls.*

Luigi: Errrr...

*Suddenly, time stops. Farmer Jon twists his head around strangely.*

Farmer Jon: Simmer down now, Martha, simmer down. (blown up by a Dark Egg)

Luigi: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

EVIL Scientist Dude: (points to Luigi) He's next!

*Yami leaps at Luigi, but a flamed-on Scruffy appears and dropkicks him. Then Que Pasa shifts his Millenium Nose into a cannon, shoves Yami into it and then fires it into the air, where Lupine waits and kicks it down. Stampede fires a bullet that shatters the anti-gravity device, causing the house to fall and shatter. Yami Yoshi and That Krazy Dude are the first two to crawl from the rubble.*

That Krazy Dude: Hm... normally houses don't shatter over my head unless my girlfriend breaks up with me... or there was that time my parents got mad at me for not feeding the family fish...

*The remains of Yami's humanity is touched, and he lets out a tear while Krazy whacks him with his mop.*

That Krazy Dude: NOW I WILL BE THE NEW RAVE MASTER!!!

*Yami Yoshi runs away in confusion.*

Murasame: Another time, Luigi...

EVIL Scientist Dude: What have I done?

*The three retreat into the moon rover and drive off.*

GORE: Luigi, meet No Name. I feel you two have much in common.

Luigi: (ignores No Name and eyes Krazy Dude suspiciously) ...Where did you get that mop?

Author: Vorpal

Scruffy: Let's sail out to international waters to celebrate The Krazy Dude becoming the new rave master!

Crew: Hurrah!

~The Golden Cheesecake sets sail to internetional waters... where ANYTHING is legal! Whoo!~

~Elsewhere in international waters~

Donkeyman: I sense another party boat getting in on my turf! We'll have to fix that.... LAUNCH THE CAYKEN!

~An over-elaborate sequence where crew members do a whole bunch of things that eventually send an impulse through the water~

~Elsewhere The Golden Cheesecake gets taken down into the depths of the sea~

Donkeyman: There's only going to be ONE party boat on these waters.

~Somewhere else on the boat Misty is getting a suntan, and Vorpal is looking out onto the waters, but then turns around to see people playing the dice game trying to win more years on the boat~

Vorpal: So... you can challenge anyone to the betting game?

Misty: Yeah..... anybody.... can you get my back? *holds out suntan lotion* ... Vorpal?

Vorpal: Then I'm going to challenge Donkeyman!

~Thunder cracks despite no cloud being in the sky~

Donkeyman: *walks on deck* I accept!

~A bunch of people gather around to the table Vorpal and Donkeyman sit at~

Donkeyman: Well... Cast your dice! *throws down dice cup*

Vorpal: *throws down dice cup*

Misty: *throws down dice cup*

Vorpal: Misty!? What?

Misty: The die has been cast!

Donkeyman: Ah, so ol' Bra-Straps Misty will be joining us... Three fives!

Vorpal: Four fours!

Misty: Five sixes!

Donkeyman: *growls* Six... fives!

Vorpal:.... Nine fours!

Donkeyman: Hahahahahahaha!

Misty: Uhh.... ONE BAJILLION FIVES!

Donkeyman: I call you a liar, Misty.... and... *lifts cups* ..... oh...... what do you know?

Author: GORE-ILLA

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