Gamehiker Member OG 8 Page 3
| Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 8 Archive |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 |
Author: Golem
***
~Donkeyman encroaches on Sapphire's personal space with every mad swing he takes. She backs up step by step, parrying each blow.~
Donkeyman: I loved you! What happened to you?!
Sapphire: What are you--
~claymore strike~
Donkeyman: Was the one lifetime of happiness not good enough for you?
Sapphire: Actually--
~claymore strike~
Donkeyman: I gave you everything! ~claymore strike~ The Mariorockses provided you with whatever pampering you needed! ~claymore strike~ I waited on your hand and foot non-stop! ~claymore strike~
Sapphire: I really--
~claymore strike~
Donkeyman: But what REALLY makes me burn--
***
Siphnaaron: GRA-HA-HA-HAAAA... I FEEL... POWER... ~grows another half a Vorpal tall~
Masamuria: ~wearing a quiver full of swords, ready to shoot a sword with his/her/its bow~ I don't know if I can get a clear shot without harming AaronGuy!
Misty: So?! No one cares if you shoot him!!
~Siphnaaron shoots a tendril at Masamuria, who instantly releases the sword from the bow. The sword slices right through the tendril, splattering black pudding everywhere. None of the OGers are hit, but it does touch some walruses in the area. In the meantime, Vorpal leaps up and takes a swipe at Siphnaaron with his sword, but Siphnaaron catches the sword. The sword is engulfed in flames, and Siphnaaron lets go, dropping Vorpal--still clutching onto the sword--to the ground.~
***
Sapphire: ~sigh~ What really makes you--
~claymore strike~
Donkeyman: I was GETTING to that!! What REALLY makes me burn is how you were such an INGRATE ~claymore strike~ after I brought you back into the world ~claymore strike~ of the living! After a person comes back to life, they don’t realize the gift they’ve been given… or perhaps they do... they want to wring every last drop out of life that they possibly can, and don’t care who or what gets hurt… it seems to be a symptom of utter fear of death. Their fear of death--driving them to get as much out of life as they can with total disregard for others--overrides any love they might have been able to contain.
This is, of course, why my cruise ship is such a success. If anyone could remain true, it would be you, but…
~Sapphire parries yet another strike. Against the force of the claymore, she digs her heel into the ice.~
Sapphire: I’m not whoever you think I am. I’m a princess, my lineage is well doc—
~claymore strike~
Donkeyman: Maybe I just wiped your memory and sent you to the household of King Periwinkle!!
~claymore strike~
Sapphire: …King Blue. My father is—
~claymore strike~
Donkeyman: Whatever! ~claymore strike~ You’re close enough... I will take you in memoriam of her.
~Sapphire tries to lower herself, bending at the knees to change the center of balance of Donkeyman’s claymore. As she does so, she still holds her parasol up. Then, without warning, she knocks Donkeyman’s left foot out from under him, kicking it away. At the same time, she has one hand gripping each end of her parasol and jerks her arms up in order to throw Donkeyman over her. This fails, though, and jerking her arms up causes her to push her parasol to its breaking point—it splits in two under the force of Donkeyman’s claymore.
Cue slow motion mode.
Scrambling, she uses the hook on the end of her parasol’s handle to yank the claymore up and away from her while she tries to sidestep the sword. The handle provides a momentary delay but breaks almost instantly. She then claps her hands over the flat sides of the claymore and tries to push it away from her body while she continues sidestepping. She finally gets her body out of the way of the sword and quickly releases her grip on the sword, getting her arms out of the way of it as well. Donkeyman’s sword, along with Donkeyman, crashes into the ground, cracking the ice.
End slow motion sequence.
Golem, finally back from wherever Sapphire launched him to, jumps on Donkeyman, causing the ice under him to completely break, and bounces right off onto safe land next to Sapphire. Donkeyman hits the water.~
Golem: I got here just in the nick of time, eh Sapphire?
Sapphire: . . . .
~Donkeyman continues to sink, plunged into the icy depths.~
Golem: If he wasn’t a villain, I’d be morally concerned about what just happened! But quick, we have to go help out the others!!
~Donkeyman, claymore in hand, swims towards his heart.~
***
~Captain Ditto expertly exchanges blows with Fred, Lupus, and Roy.~
Roy: All three of us combined can’t take him?!
Lupus: Do you find it suspicious that Ditto apparently was murdered, but then it turned out he wasn’t?
Fred: Yeah. Right around the time when Donkeyman shows up!
Lupus: And who happens to be an expert at resurrecting the dead?
Fred: Donkeyman, of course!
Roy: Should you two even technically know that?
Lupus: Word gets around. And then he gives out V-Watches, which happen to be the key to defeating black pudding!
Fred: Great timing! And then Donkeyman’s heart is made of black pudding? What’s the deal with that?
Lupus: I do not know, my friend! I truly do not know!
Fred: I guess he is just Captain Coincidence!
Roy: It’s a shame the V-Watches broke before the battle with Donkeyman’s heart began!
Lupus: Hey, what are you doing?
Roy: What?
Lupus: You’re horning in on our quirky dialogue!
***
~Sapphire and Golem finally reach the others, who are battling Siphnaaron—and barely holding their own.~
Masamuria: Hey! Do you two have any ideas?
Sapphire: It hates loud noises!
Masamuria: Vorpal! Tell her!
Vorpal: ~sweating, nervous laughter~ What? Tell who what?
Masamuria: If you tell Misty, she might shriek loud enough!
Masamuria: Vorpal, what am I talking about? What do you have to tell her?
Author: GORE-ILLA
*GORE and Yami come to rough landings in the ice, then come to their feet.*
GORE: I won't let you do this!
Yami: How do you possibly expect to win with only one arm, you stupid monkey?
*GORE's leg shifts and slides along his body, finally clicking into place in the empty arm socket. The "foot" then grinds up into a fist. His remaining leg shifts a little to center GORE.*
GORE: I'm even more ambidextrous then a real gorilla! Transformers OG, coming soon to a theater near you!
Yami: (leaps forward and slaps GORE, sending him doubling over) ENOUGH OF YOUR TERRIBLE OG IDEAS! I'M SICK OF THIS!
GORE: I'M SICK OF YOU!
Yami: RRR... TAIL WHIP!
GORE: Tail Whip? That's pathetic! It can do nothi- (is sent flying back after being slapped with Yami's enormous tail)
*Yami growls and pounces on GORE, ready to tear apart the rest of his body with his new teeth. However, GORE's chest panel opens to reveal a missile. He fires it. The missile carries Yami high into the sky before it explodes. Yami lands, seemingly unharmed, although GORE is back on his feet.*
Yami: It's time to end this!
GORE: Yeah... I think it is.
Yami: HELL EGG! (is encased within an evil-looking red egg, which looks like it could house the spawn of Satan, and launched forward)
GORE: MONKEY MISSILE! (shifts into a living missile and rockets forward)
*GORE-ILLA and Yami Yoshi fly towards each other, like in one of those cheese Japanese animes. Suddenly, music plays with a montage.*
As we go on...
GORE: Organism identified as Yami Yoshi. Enemy detected. Initiate combat mode.
*A hatch on GORE's chest opens and fires a barrage of missiles at Yami Yoshi*
Yami Yoshi: Yikes! Egg Shield!
*A transparent Yoshi Egg surrounds Yami Yoshi's body and dissipates the missiles*
Yami Yoshi: I have no idea who the @#%$ you are, but I'm taking you down! Dark Egg!
We remember...
GORE: Excellant! Now let's take down this pastry monster!
Yami: Y'know GORE, in another OG I could have called you friend.
GORE: Are you coming onto me?
All the times we...
*GORE winds up his fist and then slams it into Yami's face with the force of a frieght train. Yami flies through trees, boulders and a mountain until he lands on the opposite shore. The second he gets up to his feet, GORE is already there and slapping him around some more. GORE squeezes Yami by the back of his head and then stuffs it into the sand. Yami kicks up wildly. GORE then gets a grip on Yami's tail, pulls him out of the sand, spins him around and flings him back to the other side of the mountain.*
GORE: What now, huh?
*GORE runs back across the island, but he sees no sign of island. He disappears into the jungle in search of Yami. He climbs to a treetop until he sees Yami strolling by. GORE leaps down to punce the Yoshi, but Yami knocks him out of the air with a group of Dark Eggs. Yami hip-drops GORE repeatedly, grabs him with his tongue, pulls him into his mouth and spits him into a big rock. Surrounding himself with an Egg Shield, Yami then rolls forward at GORE, squashing him between the egg and the rock.*
Yami: That was for... what's his name again?
GORE: Pain sensors activated. My beating was cooler anyway. (runs away)
had together!
*A quick shot is seen of a child Yami and child GORE holding hands.*
*The entire area is rocked by a massive explosion as the two forces meet. The smoke clears. Yami Yoshi is seen standing over the smoking wreckage that once was GORE-ILLA. Yami stares silently for a while, then turns and walks off.*
Narrator: Let's see what's up with the Donkeyman!
*The Donkeyman crawls onto icy land. Mariorocks66 appears, seemingly from nowhere, and gives him a towel to dry off.*
Mariorocks66: Boss, I feel like asking some continuity-related questions. Why IS your heart made out of chocolate?
Donkeyman: You dunderhead! I told you once, I've told you a million times! It's not my heart, it's Siphnitty! The Black Pudding is part of Siphnitty and contains his dark powers!
Mariorocks66: Oh. Also, why haven't we heard from the MPVP in this timeline?
Donkeyman: Because I ate them all. (smiles) That Akujin fellow was the tastiest. Now if you excuse me, I have a heart to retrieve!
*Donkeyman rushes off while Mariorocks66 salutes.*
Mariorocks66: That was why coitenly the bravest of men!
Author: Luigi of the Pipes
~Before Donkeyman can get far, SteveT bursts from the ice in front of him, arms extended upward. SteveT lands nearby, not lowering his arms. Straw Man and Lynel follow, the former surprisingly silent and the latter asleep.~
SteveT: Whew. Where's Luiigii and his heat power stuff? I think my joints froze, and Straw Man got his tongue stuck to my back. ~turns to show Straw Man's tongue stuck to his back~ We trained the crow to talk for him.
Straw Man's Crow: Nevermore!
Straw Man: ~weeps bitterly~
Donkeyman: Leave me alone. ~trudges past~
SteveT: ...well this sucks. We're getting left out of the final battle. Any suggestions?
Straw Man's Crow: Nevermore!
Lynel: ZZZzzzzzz...
SteveT: You guys suck, seriously. ~turns and starts killing Mariorockses, just for effect~
***
Vorpal: Misty, err... ah... Y'see...
Masamuria: Misty, Vorpal and I are going to honeymoon... IN NORWEGIA!
Misty: Norwegia?! Where he KILLED me?!
Masamuria: Whoa whoa. Don't talk about what you and Vorpal were planning while you're sharing MY body.
Masamuria: Speaking of what we were planning...
~Misty very calmly walks over to Vorpal and kicks him sharply in the groin. Vorpal curls over for a moment in pain, then screeches at Siphnaaron and causes the Black Pudding to waver like crazy.~
Masamuria: Not what I was expecting, but it got the job done...
~Golem throws his scarf around Aaron's almost revealed form and starts pulling him out of the pudding.~
Murasame: Hey, stop! What are you doing, saving HIM?!
Golem: He used to be our friend.
Sapphire: When?
Golem: Well, there was the one time he... err... and he... well... huh, guess he's not our friend.
~The pudding isn't completely stupid however, and some of it starts crawling down Golem's scarf toward him before he can pull it free. The pudding would grab Golem at this point and merge him with Aaron to create, like, Siphgolnaaron, but that's way too Caykzor-ish. Instead, Murasame cuts the scarf in half and sends Golem tumbling backward. Siphnaaron uses the part of the scarf wrapped around him to create a crude sword. Golem, meanwhile, tumbles back and stops right next to the spot that Luiigii now lands in. Fortunately for Golem, Luiigii is still unconscious.~
Golem: OMG Luiigii! And here I spent the entire OG thinking he was dead! Now it turns out I was right!
Luiigii: ~groans~
Golem: Post-mortem sound-making! Amazing!
Author: Masamune
Luiigii: I... aten't... dead... you... dense... fool...!
Golem: It's Zombuiigii! This is great. We need a new zombie sidekick.
Sapphire: Hey, why is Murasame fighting on our side?
Murasame: Cuz I heard what old man Scientist said the other timeline is like. I make like, one appearance to gatecrash a party. Then I kill Dodo and that's pretty much it. Masamune never even invites me over for dinner parties after that.
Masamuria: Damn right I wouldn't. Hey, where is Dodo anyways?
Masamuria: Um.
Flashback:
Kuria: Let's go, Ditto can handle Shadowmune!
Dodo: No! I'm going back!
~Hours later after getting lost~
Soldier Bear: Eat him! Eat him!
Dodo: *sees the soldier bears running at him in a huge crowd and starts running away like mad* I really hate this OG!!!!
Masamuria: I have no idea.
Masamuria: You wench! We share the same body, I could see that flashback!
Vorpal: Would you stop bickering with yourself? It's freaking me out. Besides. Siphnaaron and Misty are going at it now.
~Misty is fighting Siphnaaron. She is armed only with a halibut and a trout, but is meeting him blow to blow~
Murasame: Stop being idiots. Only a fused person can beat THIS Black Pudding. You know what that means? *kicks Masamuria into Siphnaaron*
Vorpal: Hey! I was still kind of going out with half of... that!
~Siphnaaron starts absorbing Masamuria. Masamuria begins screaming in the fused voices of Kuria and Masamune, when suddenly Siphnaaron hiccups. It spits out Aaron, Kuria, and Masamune on the ground~
Luiigii: *gets up* At last... the chocolate heart! It's mine! *picks it up with rubber gloves*
Donkeyman: Not so fast lad. *stabs Luiigii in the chest*
Luiigii: Dammit! That hurts! Why did I ever have to parody Inigo Montoya!?
Donkeyman: Because you're stupid. *takes the black pudding* Looks like this story has come to a bit of a sudden end! Nothing can stop me now!
Luiigii: Can't I? *grabs his laser sword. Donkeyman jumps back to defend himself, but instead Luiigii stabs Golem through the heart*
Golem: Guh-- ... L-L-Luiigii?? *falls on knees*
Sapphire: GOLEM! NO!
Golem: Looks.... looks like I'm going... to the final party... huh?
Luiigii: *pulls out laser sword* ... hwuh? What just happened? Why did I get stabbed? *passes out*
Golem: Sapphire... tell... tell...
Sapphire: Don't speak, Greg!
Golem: Tell... Lady in Red... she's way... hawter than you.... *dies*
Sapphire: .......!!!!!!!!!
Donkeyman: That's all very touching, but I fail to see how this effects anything!
~The Flying Monkey suddenly lands behinds Donkeyman and the others~
Donkeyman: Oh for God's sake, now what!?
EVIL Scientist Dude: *walks out* Now the real time line can begin!
Donkeyman: What the heck is up with all this other timeline crap!? I'm the villain here! Mariorocks! Put my heart back into the oven!
Mariorocks: Why coitenly! *puts the pudding into a suspiciously SteveT-shaped oven. Suspicious because it is in fact a SteveT*
Donkeyman: Mariorocks! You fool! *throws him out of the way and rushes for his heart*
SteveT: *grabs Donkeyman by the hand and breaks it* Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. This is wonderful! Finally an evil heart for an equally evil tin man! You, scientist man! You said there's no parties in your fancy timeline?
EVIL Scientist Dude: That's right. We'll even let you pick off the stragglers some thirty years later.
SteveT: *climbs aboard the Flying Monkey with the dead Golem over his shoulders* I'd finish you all off for fun, but I have destiny to change.
~The Flying Monkey begins to take off. Lupus, Fred, and Roy go racing to jump on. The first two make it, but Roy is left lying in the snow. Captain Ditto arrives a little after them, just as the Flying Monkey disappears in the sky~
Masamune: *rubs temples on forehead* What the heck just happened?
Sapphire: Golem is dead!
Mariorocks: Da boss's arm is busted!
Roy: I got left behind!
Captain Ditto: GORE-ILLA is dead as well.
Murasame: *puts foot on Luiigii's unconscious body* He turned evil. Again. I'd be proud if it hadn't inconvenienced me so.
Aaron: ... I'm not important no more!
Donkeyman: Shut up you fools. *stands up while holding his arm* If those fools change the timeline, it can't be reversed!
Roy: How do we stop them, then?
Donkeyman: Mariorocks. Call up the Flying Canadiandude.
Mariorocks: But-
Donkeyman: I know it's lame! But we have no choice. I'm not going to... *cringe* get married and have kids. Crewmen! Get going, we have a ship to prepare!
Vorpal: Wait! You're not going to go WITH HIM are you?
Misty: Lifetime of vacation, hun. I'm sorry.
Aaron: Huzzah! I'm important!
~Ditto starts walking towards with Donkeyman as well~
Sapphire: Wait, you mean?
Captain Ditto: Aye. I owe Donkeyman another seven years vacation.
Author: Luigi of the Pipes
~Donkeyman storms to the helm of the Flying Canadiandude and sees a man with pointed ears and spiky hair there. One hand is obviously pulled into his sleeve and holding a strange metal device. He also has a big Cap'n Crunch pirate hat on.~
Donkeyman: Vhat vhat VHAT are you doing at MY steering vein?!
~The man turns to reveal features almost like Luiigii's, but... sinister!~
Loogi: You hired me. It's not my fault your qualifications are lax.
Donkeyman: Oh, right. You're that spook what killed Luiigii's ex-wife.
Loogi: More or less.
Donkeyman: When I found you, your intestines had literally been pulled up through your throat.
Loogi: Let's not remind me. Anyway, JAVOL DONKEYMAN! ~goosesteps away~
***
~Masamune, Murasame, Vorpal, Kuria, Sapphire, and Roy watch as the Flying Canadiandude hovers into the air.~
Masamune: You know...it could be a mite difficult to catch up to all these flying ships on foot.
Roy: My insides are fighting for dominence. Uruguay likes that the Ushatarians actually have a role, and Kaiser Bear IV likes that the bears do. Carrotcake King hates any timeline centrifugal around cheesecake, so I guess he's moot. Then there's-- ~runs through a list of a couple thousand other villains~ I guess I should help you guys FOR NOW.
Masamune: So about flying ships... ~looks at Murasame~
Murasame: ~looks at Masamune~ Fuel is too expensive these days.
Masamune: Oh, aye. Aye. ~looks at Vorpal~
Vorpal: We're not taking the Sky Palace. ~looks at Sapphire~
Sapphire: ~too busy mourning Golem to mention the flying sub~
Kuria: My god, do you ALL have flying ships?
Masamune: We don't like to braaaaaag.
Kuria: But none of you want to USE them?
Murasame: You try finding anti-gravity plutonium at wholesale price.
~Kuria rolls her eyes, then turns and fires an arrow at the Flying Canadiandude. It promptly wheels around and lands in front of them.~
Mariorocks: Oy! Master Donkeyman doesn't like your mean arrows! ~pulls it out of his chest~ Neither do-- ~dies and is replaced by Mariorocks67~
Kuria: Shut up and take us with you.
Mariorocks: Why coitently! Nyuk nyuk nyuk!
~The six step on board. Misty immediately runs over to Vorpal.~
Misty: You came back! You do still love me! ~sees Kuria~ Oh...
Vorpal: I'm sorry, Misty. I made a promise to Kuria. I must--
Misty: Ahem... ~points to Kuria~
Kuria: ~stares at Captain Ditto, standing with one leg propped up on the ship's rail, the wind fluttering through his cape~ That... bristly white mustache... that plump belly... those visor'd eyes...
Masamune: Whoa whoa whoa! ~grabs Kuria and spins her around~ I've been trying to steal you away from Vorpal this entire FREAKING OG, and you decide to go with HIM?!
Kuria: ~shrugs~ Too much of an age gap. ~walks over to Captain Ditto~
Vorpal: ...huh. ~turns and kisses Misty passionately~
Donkeyman: ~watching from the helm~ True love... bleh. Stick out your tongue in disgust with me, AaronGuy.
AaronGuy: Aye, sir! Anything for a line!
~The Flying Canadiandude takes to the air once more. No one notices that only GORE's body parts are still lying on the ground, while Luiigii is now clinging to the bottom of the ship...~
Luiigii: I'll make you proud, Daddy.
Author: GORE-ILLA
*Aboard the Flying Monkey, Golem's corpse has been hooked up to a series of wires that are connected to a large, bomb-like object.*
Fred: So how exactly does this thing work?
EVIL Scientist Dude: Well, you see, I based this on the Bombinator technology I discovered while reading the history tomes. Bomberman made Bombinators capable of destroying whole OGs. I have improved this technology to make the Timeline Bombinator, which can destroy entire timelines of OGs.
Lupus: I enjoy this plan. Again, I hate asking logical questions, but how cans such a powerful device be fueled?
EVIL Scientist Dude: Indeed, such great energy is hard to come by. That's why we needed Golemio here! His high amounts of party energy are perfect for powering the Timeline Bombinator, which is why it is currently being ripped from his body while his death is still fresh.
SteveT: (looking out window) The Donkeyman's ship is catching up to us.
EVIL Scientist Dude: Curses! Stop them, by any means necessary! We can't let them stop us this far into the plan!
*The Flying Canadiandude approaches the Flying Monkey from behind. The Flying Monkey begins firing laser shots, most of which are dodged by the Flying Canadiandude, which begins to retaliate with cannonfire. The Donkeyman spins his wheel while laughing madly.*
Donkeyman: The monkey's in our site, boys! It's smooth sailing from hereonin!
*A loud rumbling is heard. Suddenly Yami Yoshi tears his way onto the deck from the bottom of the ship. Luiigii stands behind him.*
Mariorocks 67: Cap'n! We're taking in air!
Donkeyman: Curses! Stop them, by any means necessary. We have to stop them before they get to far into their plan!
Mariorocks 67: Why coitenly, my overlord!
*Loogi walks out of the lounge biting into a bagel. The second he sees Luiigii, he gags, turns and runs away. But Luiigii spots him and begins dashing after him in anger.*
Masamune: Hey Vorpal, let's take down this dinosaur!
Vorpal: Sure, no prob!
*Yami doubles in size and grows fangs. Half the group rushes forward to restrain Yami Yoshi, only to be tossed back. Lupus, Fred and SteveT soon land on the ship to cause more havoc.*
*Back on the Flying Monkey, Golem's party energy has been fully drained.*
EVIL Scientist Dude: Hee hee... it's time!
*EVIL Scientist Dude pulls a switch. The entire Earth begins rumbling. Some weird energy fixation appears, and the Timeline Bombinator is disintegrated.*
Straw Man: It didn't work. You're a failure.
EVIL Scientist Dude: Shush! It'll work at the end and work its way down....
~This is Milliways. What once was a desolate place is now the highest-class restaurant in the galaxy. It would seem of little importance, since the universe is about to end in thirty standard minutes. The main lobby has a splendiferous dining room with a view and commentary of the ensuing destruction. There are other rooms for those who would like to enjoy their doom in solitude, however.
~We go to one of these, where we find Luigi of the Stars drinking from a flaming glass at the bar. Two enormous figures with spiked red coats and shrunken saurian heads stand to either side of him, aka Slorg and Splot.~
Luigi: He said he'd meet us here?
Slorg: ~gruntughStopAskingguhhhThat.~
Luigi: Cuz he's like, two hours late. We won't even have time for the dive at this rate. And you're not allowed to talk for the rest of the-
*Suddenly, everything whites out.*
*The battles continue on the Canadiandude, as the Gamehikers and Donkeyman's crew try finding ways onto the Flying Monkey. Then Yami Yoshi is distracted by a ball of flame. Scruffy lands on the deck of the ship.*
Scruffy: Yeah, turns out we just needed to fire Mr. T at the Cayken to destroy it. You guys need some help?
*Back on the Flying Monkey...*
EVIL Scientist Dude: The end has begun... and a new beginning shall arise!
Author: Masamune
~On the Flying Monkey~
SteveT: Here's my cue. See you losers on the other side. ~he walks up to the hatch of the Flying Monkey and jumps out, landing on top of the Flying Canadiandude~
~on the Canadiandude~
Donkeyman: How dare you crash on my ship! And with my heart!
Scruffy: Wait. I'll handle this one.
Masamune: *shoves Scruffy aside* The Flying Monkey! It's... disintegrating...!
~The Flying Monkey continues to break apart until it is gone. Ahead of the Flying Dude is nothing but a void. The front of the ship begins to break apart~
Vorpal: What's going on!?
Mariorocks 67: The timeline is- *gets disintegrated*
Mariorocks 68: *runs out* -is getting erased!
Captain Ditto: We'll get eliminated too at this rate!
Donkeyman: Then it's a good thing that I have a side job as the escort of souls to Fiddler's Green. Aaron! Take the Flying Canadiandude out of the fourth dimension!
Aaron: Aye aye! *runs below decks*
~the Flying Canadiandude continues to break apart from the front~
Sapphire: SteveT! What are you doing!?
SteveT: Lady. Listen, I'm evil. I killed Luigi64, okay? And now you guys are next!
Sapphire: *gasp*
Captain Ditto: Here it comes! It's... it's a Timeline Bombinator! *puts hands over face to block out the bright light*
Donkeyman: Now, Mr. Rocks!
Mariorocks 68: AYE AYE! *shouts below decks* MR. AARON! NOW!
Aaron: AYE! *pulls switch*
~just as the Timeline Bombinator blast is about to consume the Flying Canadiandude, everything around them suddenly vanishes. They exit into a big giant black void where giant orbs of light float at different points, spreading on for eternity. They exit outside of one of these orbs of light that fades out just as they exit~
Vorpal: *pulls off shades in shock* Wh-what is this place?
Donkeyman: *steps down from the helm* Aye. This is the Center of Time.
Kuria: Uh, Center? Wouldn't there be something... more in the middle?
Donkeyman: Nay. You're thinking too literally. If time is a triangle- yes a triangle - then there is a center inside it.
Murasame: Ah. But then what are all these points of light?
Misty: Different timelines. The Center of Time has access to any timeline, regardless of when time bends into separate timelines.
Donkeyman: Aye. But most of them are so different from our timeline that you'd never recognize them.
Kuria: Then that orb of light...
SteveT: Our timeline, yeah. And now it's gone. Funny old world, isn't it?
Scruffy: But... I left my crew back there!
Masamune: If I wasn't so prone to being indifferent to every single thing, I'd probably be very upset with you!
SteveT: *pats his iron body* Can't. I got Black Pudding filling everything in here now. I could even beat Luiigii in a clearly-rigged poll now.
Luiigii: As if. *walks around the corner dragging Loogi behind him* So what do we do now?
SteveT: You take this ship to... *points to a point of light glowing slightly red* that orb.
Donkeyman: *narrows eyes* I will NOT take this ship into that wretched timeline! I hate cheese!!
SteveT: *opens visor and pokes the pudding insides with a pointy finger*
Donkeyman: *ghhk* ... f-fine! We'll go in! Just be forewarned! It won't be 2007 when we get there!
Luiigii: What, why?
Donkeyman: Since time is a triangle, you can only re-enter from the Center of Time at one of the corners. But this isn't our timeline, so the Flying Canadiandude isn't built to manipulate timeline to be able to go back and forth in time!
Masamune: Dammit, now I've got a headache! So time travel works differently in each timeline?
Mariorock 68: Duh. *rolls eyes*
Murasame: Bah. What year will we be in?
Donkeyman: *narrows eyes* ... 2017. A few months before the world becomes flat.
Roy: Hwuh? Flat!?
~the Flying Canadiandude flies into the orb before Vorpal can be answered~
People on the Flying Canadiandude (from the Good Timeline)
Crewmen
-Donkeyman
-Mariorocks 68 (and co.)
-Aaron
-Misty
-Loogi
-Captain Ditto
OGers
-Luiigii of the Pipes
-Masamune
-Murasame
-Vorpal
-Kuria
-Sapphire
-SteveT (with Donkeyman's heart!)
-Captain Scruffy (of the GCPA)
-Roy
Author: Golem
~The Flying Canadiandude docks in Cincinatti behind a large tower, atop which is a mass of green hair. Next to the tower is a crumbled fortress.~
Mariorocks 68: Sir, we're picking up on a strange satellite.
Donkeyman: Not now. Listen up: anyone who's not a part of the crew needs to get off.
Kuria: What?
Donkeyman: You heard me. Off.
Kuria: But you need us as much as we need you.
Donkeyman: No. I actually don't. Now either you get off my ship or I'll have Mariorocks not so gently escort you off.
Masamune: You forget that you're outnumbered--
~Donkeyman pulls a lever and a trap door opens under the OGers. They land just outside of the Flying Canadiandude. Vorpal and Kuria stop themselves from falling out of Donkeyman's ship completely.~
Vorpal: MISTY!
Kuria: DITTO!
~A boxing glove punches them out of the ship completely, then the ship takes off. SteveT walks off, finding his own path.~
Vorpal: Sooo, what now...
~Sapphire hides behind the tower as she spies on others in front of it.~
Sapphire: Hush.
~In front of the tower...~
Kantii: Oh, and Yami Yoshi...
Yami Yoshi: What is it?
Kantii: I found this. I was gonna keep it for myself, but...
~Kantii hands Yami Yoshi a cheesecake.~
Yami Yoshi: ...MY CHEESECAKE! I'd recognize it anywhere! Thank you, Lord Kantii! Thank you!
GORE: (aside to Kantii) So you really got his cheesecake back from Goren?
Kantii: Er... there was a sale on cheesecakes in the deli across the street...
GORE: Aw, I was hoping you knew where PL was...
~Culex silently floats by with the stone Aaron.~
Culex: We'll cure you someday, Aaron!
SwordMaster: Chizu...
Chizu: Yes? What do you need, SwordMaster?
SwordMaster: I'm sorry... I'm not gonna make it....
Chizu: Don't talk like that! My magic will heal you in no time!
SwordMaster: No.... no magic can save me now. I'm sorry, but...
Chizu: What, SwordMaster? What?
SwordMaster: I have something to tell you, before I go... I just need to say it, before... it's too late...
Chizu: Yes?
SwordMaster: April Fool's! (springs to feet and performs backflips)
~After recieving a beating, SwordMaster crawls up to Yami and GORE.~
Yami: Daym. How come you don't have a scratch?
SwordMaster: Daioshogun's soul restored me. But now I don't feel him anymore... I'm afraid his soul has moved on. He and Mirawk can rest in peace.
Yami: Oh, that makes sense! Like how the souls of Pharoah and Hades share my body!
GORE: And how I used to have those Party Goer ghosts, until that stupid robot stole them.
Yami: Now there's an idea! Let's party, like the goers of old!
Masamune: That just seems... wrong.
Vorpal: I didn't understand any of what they just said. Should we know these people?
Kuria: Quiet!
~Yami Yoshi and the others start to go somewhere, but are interrupted by Golem and some cowboys and guys in ponchos. They argue, then Yami Yoshi and company leave. Golem makes a long speech about dimensions and darkness or something while the cowboys and guys in ponchos stand around. Golem and the other men start to walk away. When the other men go their ways, Sapphire rushes out and grabs Golem's mouth shut from behind.~
Sapphire: Don't make a sound or set off alarms or whatever you do. It's just me, Rhyk.
~I meant Rhyk's mouth. Really, I did. Anyway, Rhyk pulls off Sapphire's hand and spins around.~
Rhyk: You! ~gets in fighting stance~ What are you--wait... soul eyes are picking up on Sapphire's soul... your soul is rejoined with your body?
Sapphire: What? No, we're from another timeline. We'd like to get back.
Rhyk: Another timeline? My theories were correct... anyway, who else is with you?
~Luiigii, Masamune, Murasame, Vorpal, Kuria, Captain Scruffy, and Roy walk out.~
Rhyk: It's a regular Party Goers reunion! Except for those two. ~points to Scruffy and Roy~ Did they replace Golem or something?
Sapphire: Golem's dead.
Rhyk: Ah. Before we get started, I should give you the verbal PowerPoint. Most of the Party Goers' souls are separated from their bodies, Lupus probably possesses both. The western hemisphere has been destroyed for the past 14 years, but was recently brought back into existance after Earth was recently destroyed then reconstructed (through the use of the greatest plot device known). When Earth was reconstructed, Team Rocket Omega took over the western hemisphere, including where you are now, Cincinatti, USA. The tower with funky hair you're standing near is Lupus' tower, a base of resistance--Lupus is enemies with TRO. Lupus himself is probably in his space station above Earth, the Cheese Star. I'm currently trying to convince the OGers that they need to work with me to restore balance to the universe, while I'm simultaneously trying to kill them, since killing them is one of the methods of restoring the balance. I currently possess the TASTS, which also doubles as a sword. This sword should restore balance if I kill the right people with it, such as the OGers.
Highlights:
-Team Rocket Omega controls the western hemisphere
-Lupus resists TRO but is still a major villain; he is probably in the space station Cheese Star
-I have the TASTS, which I plan to use to restore balance to the universe
Masamune: That's it, then. We just use the TASTS to fix everything.
Rhyk: The TASTS can't restore entire timelines. Not to mention it's not reliable without Golem at the helm.
Roy: What is our plan again?
Author: Luigi of the Pipes
Luiigii: Dunno about the rest of you, but I'M going to go enjoy a timeline where I don't get shot in the right half of my body and ultimately explode.
Sapphire: That reminds me. YOU KILLED MY HUSBAND!
~Sapphire runs at Luiigii, who tries limping away on his shot right leg. She is about to tackle him when a pudding hand swooshes between them and smacks her back to the others. SteveT draws the hand back into his arm and puts his gauntlet back on.~
SteveT: Hey, by the way. Luiigii's with me now. For, like, the third time this OG. ~hands Luiigii his axe as a crutch~ Come, boy. We'll make a new SteveTrio here, in this strange yet wonderfully partyless world. Let's find our third member.
Luiigii: Please don't say it's Prophmin again...
~SteveT and Luiigii walk away unhindered because of their menacing awesome. The group reconvenes itself.~
Murasame: So, Golem-bot. I'm all up with the idea of killing those freaks we just saw with your little pen there. If you're too wussy, I'll do it.
Rhyk: I think they'd beat you, Murasame. They know how to make Master Pies, and my databases say that's you and Masamune's only weakness.
Murasame: Curse them...
Kuria: They're, what, heroes in this timeline? After all the work Yami alone did to make sure our timeline didn't happen, the rest probably won't appreciate us going around mucking this one up to get ours back.
Masamune: They could be a problem, aye... What can you tell us, Rhyk?
Rhyk: I take it you know about Yami already. GORE-ILLA is--
Murasame: Yaaaawn.
Rhyk: Okay... SwordMaster there is the defender of cheesecake and, er, a master of the sword.
Masamune: Is he any relation to TennisMaster?
Rhyk: Who?
Masamune: Nevermind.
Rhyk: Chizu is his girlfriend. Kantii is some weird human who goes around wearing bird feathers and thinks he's a crow. Then Culex... well, I'll just assume you've all played Super Mario RPG. And that statue was--
Vorpal: AaronGuy...
Rhyk: Yeah. I don't know much about your current PWR LVLS!!!!!!!1, but SwordMaster and Culex are probably our biggest threats. And Introbulus and Fusion, if they ever show up again.
Masamune: You mean Untribulus and Fusesteady.
Rhyk: If that helps.
***
~The Cheese Star~
~A man walks casually through the Cheese Star's many halls, occasionally sticking his hand into a wall and pulling a bit of cheese out, then nibbling on it. As he rounds a corner mid-nibble, he stops and looks over at Emperor Lupus, watching him from the end of the hall.~
Lupus: Out again, is we? The smell of this situation will soon be diapered away.
~The man backs into a spotlight to reveal that he is Luigi of the Pipes.~
Luigi: I have a wife and kids, you know.
Lupus: Yes? And I have a crushing need for party-going bodyguards! Only one of us can have the cake at the end of the tunnel!
~Lupus fires a Cheese Beam at Luigi, which goes VERY slowly toward him. This is probably because Luigi is in total Spider-sense mode or something else that emphasizes his super reflexes. He grabs his laser sword and ignites it, then stabs it into the floor and quickly burns a hole around himself. Luigi drops through the hole and the Cheese Beam skims just overhead. Lupus walks over and peers down the hole, but no Luigis are in sight anymore.~
Lupus: Dammit... that crazy fool just might make it back to earth this time... ~presses his cuff link, which starts to spin and wraps up a tiny thread that runs all the way down his sleeve to his back, where a tiny radar pole has been stuffed down his collar. The pole starts spinning as well and sends out a message that more or less means: "All Cheesetroopers on Deck"~
Author: Fred
Scruffy: I have no idea about what's going on. Let's go kill something.
Murasame: Slow down there, Speed Racer. Who said you were making the decisions around here?
(Scruffy lights aflame and cocks his boomstick)
Scruffy: I just thought it was pretty obvious that I would be in charge.
Kuria: Now, Vorpal, don't you go in on this too. I'll deal with this.
(Two crotch-kickings later)
Kuria: Oh, beat me to the punch. Er, kick.
Sapphire: I'm quick like that.
Rhyk: There's no way we're going to be able to kill all of the OGers in one fell swoop - we're going to have to pounce on them at oppertune moments.
Masamune: But we're really going to get into a huge bar brawl and kill them at the end, right?
Rhyk: (sigh) If you say so. Either way, we've got to follow them.
Roy: Then you're a bit late, Human. They've started moving.
Vorpal: Shut up, Roy. Which way did they go?
Roy: East.
Vorpal: I said shut up.
Scruffy: Let's blow the hell out of them!
Rhyk: I give up. Let's move.
(The GMOGers climb up to roof level and follow the group, only to run into a serious problem)
Scruffy: Duck!
(The GMOGers take cover behind the balcony on the roof of a building)
Vorpal: Why are a bunch of Shy guys shooting at us?
Rhyk: How could I forget about them?
???: Cease fire. Okay, blokes, come on up slow with your hands up, or I'll start shooting.
(The voice is coming from the other side of them. A ghost-like shy guy is holding them up at gunpoint with an important looking shy guy. They're both holding vintage thompson submachine guns.)
Kuria: There's something you don't see every day.
Masamune: In case you're still oblivious, we're not in Kansas anymore.
Murasame: Why are bullets dangerous, again?
Rhyk: They're not, to us. Let's get them.
Legion: "let's get them"? Well then. Shy guys, open fire!
(Legion and Sergeant Guy Pump round after round into Rhyk, who's shell is too hard to be pierced, while the rest of the OGers save Masamune and Murasame shuffle away from the shots destroying their cover gradually)
Legion: Conkers. (Legion pulls out his slightly curved sword as Sergeant Shy Guy pulls out some sort of rapid-fire Rocket-Propelled Grenade launcher)
Murasame: Now you're talking.
(Murasame goes to slice up the Sergeant, but his blade is deflected by four katana. He faces his opponent, a Metal-sonic-esque robot ninja with four swords)
Murasame: Well, at least I get to humiliate someone instead of just stabbing some loser.
Rhyk: Hey, wait, those can probably-
(Rhyk is hit dead on by a grenade, blowing off his hand. A new one moves into place, but Rhyk is off kilter as many others fly his way. He quickly turns on his rocket shoes and takes off into the air.
Meanwhile, Scruffy covers the others as they jump from the Roof onto a catwalk. Scruffy lobs a fireball into the shyguys and jumps out the side, only for the platform to be occupied with a grenade. Sapphire kicks it to the other side of the Catwalk, but it still blows the thing out, and they have a rickety ride to the bottom of three stories. Vorpal is of course the first up, and he slices the support beams on the building the Shy Guy legion is standing on, which forces it to collapse)
Scruffy: Show off.
Kuria: Quick, they're coming from the other side! Into that alleyway!
(The group of shy guys do not undo the safety on any guns, but instead reveal tonfas, axes, swords, flails, and other dangerous weaponry)
Kuria: Nevermind, guys, got ahead of myself. It's just grunts with melee weapons. (pegs twelve with one arrow)
Scruffy: I'm home boys... sniff... I'm home. (ignites himself on fire and runs headfirst into the group of Shyguys, setting basically everything ablaze)
Vorpal: This place is boring. (Vorpal kills more shy guys than he ever did people with the Vorp-tank)
Sapphire: Awww. Muffin. (runs someone through with her umbrella)
Roy: Yeah, uh, I'm still just going to go hide in this alleyway. Have fun.
(Behind the Shy Guy lines, a single shy guy in a trench mans a telephone)
Corporal Shy Guy: This is terrible! This is the worst ravaging we've ever taken, and that's saying something!
???: That's just too bad, isn't it?
Corporal Shy Guy: What the- Who the hell is this?
???: APRIL FOOLS
CSG: Oh, YOU... Seriously, though, send back up.
???: Seriously, though, I've tapped your wire in the name of Lupus the Turk. My name is Sir Sur, and I've just used your own systems to call an airstrike to your location.
CSG: Daughter of a-
(elsewhere, The Donkeyman lands)
Robotic guard: State name and purpose before I replace your brain with a futon
Donkeyman: (snaps fingers)
(Mariorocks keeps jumping on the robot and dying until his blood rusts it. We're up to Mariorocks '98 now, folks)
ESD: Ah, I've been expecting the lot of you.
Donkeyman: Well, we were on the way to that big thing, but you were on the way, and I figured an old-fashioned pillage for vacationers might be in order.
ESD: I already work someone. Show them your improvements, MON-KILL.
MON-KILL: With pleasure. (MON-KILL is a hulking beast like twelve times bigger than anyone, but he is instantly defeated by a few quick swdslap! attacks from captain Ditto)
ESD: I see... this is a troublesome spot, isn't it?
Donkeyman: I like the way you operate. How about we strike a deal?
ESD: Master Lupus is not going to like this one bit...
Author: Golem
Donkeyman: With your intellect... death must be your greatest fear. Of course no one is going to kill you, not with your ability to outthink anyone who might want to; no, time is the biggest factor. Have you ever tried creating human clones of yourself so that you might pass down your brain from body to body?
ESD: That's classified.
Donkeyman: Of course it is. Unfortunately, such methods are faulty and will eventually result in your death--you only slow down the process of death. I can give you the secret to truly eternal life. Just see what these satisfied customers have to say! ~gestures towards his crew, who smile and nod eagerly~
ESD: Mmhmm... what's the catch?
Donkeyman: I'd hardly call it a "catch"! You just have to discretely give me access to all of Lupus' plans. And your large mechanical ape.
ESD: I'll gather up Lupus' plans. Come back in an hour. You can take MON-KILL out for a joy ride in the meantime.
Donkeyman: Good to hear. (Grin)
Alright, crew, prepare the ship. We're heading out to find SteveT and capture him with our new-found musclepower.
Ditto: ~grumbles~
Donkeyman: Sorry, Mr. McCloaker. You just don't have the panache for the job.
~Elsewhere, Legion and the shy guy army flee...~
Murasame: That was disappointing.
Rhyk: We should get out of here, one of Lupus' goons told the shy guy army that he's sending an air strike to this location.
~A building in the area explodes. Everyone looks up to see a single biplane flying over the building.~
Murasame: Yawn.
~A fleet of biplanes approaches. Shy guys leap into the streets and shoot down as many as they can. Team Rocket Omega ground-to-air missile launchers pop out of some buildings and shoot at the biplanes as well. The biplanes that survive drop bombs on the shy guys and TRO's launchers. The shy guys use all their firepower on Lupus' biplanes, but also use all their firepower on the TRO missile launchers. Then TRO members leap out of the alleys to battle the shy guy army. Utter chaos ensues.~
Rhyk: We really don't need to be involved in this. Yami Yoshi and the OGers should be heading for Yoshi's Island to celebrate with some cheesecake.
Vorpal: Why didn't you just say that in the first place?!
OOC: A few notes.
Lupus' plans:
-He is in the process of building a second Cheese Star.
-He possesses a hand-held machine (picture an iPod, I guess) called the Limitless Drive. He needs the Pearls of Mystery (a necklace of pearls) to use it. They are currently in an underground prison in Africa somewhere. The Limitless Drive could concievably rearrange timelines; Lupus uses it to combine Q-, R-, and S-Spaces late in MOG8. Only Lupus (and his minions) knows where the Pearls of Mystery are.
Rhyk's quest to kill the OGers is more of a personal agenda (it has to do with R- and S-Spaces; it's complicated) that isn't necessarily tied into the timeline situation. Killing the OGers with Rhyk's method could fix the timeline mess, or it could not. It could go either way, depending on what works for you writers.
I hope this helps clear up the situation for non-MOG writers.
I'm aware of the utter lack of wackiness in this post. Whoops!
Author: Luigi of the Pipes
~Luigi enters a flight deck on the Cheese Star and starts toward a Cheesetrooper Deployment Vessel. Fred, Lithium Debater, and Kool-Aid Man burst through a wall next to him.~
Lithium: ~smoothes his mustache~ Ooooooh yeah!
Kool-Aid Man: Uncool, man.
~Fred grabs Kool-Aid Man and drinks him to death.~
Fred: I have the power of red! Red like Fred and blood is that mine on the floor? ~passes out then jumps back up~ It's clllllllllllobberin' time!
~Lithium draws his guns on a piece of paper and fires rocket-powered gerbils at Luigi. Luigi dodges them, but Fred magically (delicious) appears behind him and hammers the gerbils into Luigi's back. Luigi rolls with the hits until he's under one of the deployment vessels.~
Lithium: Tricksy hoboses! Now what?
Fred: ~slaps Lithium~ Nothing did I teach, hmm?! We melt it and smother his mother!
~Fred and Lithium run away to get flamethrowers. Luigi rolls out into the open and then jumps into a space bus shaped like Cheesasaurus Rex. Lupus watches the bus depart from his giant viewing port in his throne room.~
Lupus: Koopa X, tell me why life (aka Weisheit) gives my report card a P. P for PHAILURE because I'm ghetto now yo or something.
Koopa X: ~putting on Xtreme gear~ I just fix ski lifts, master (for now (mwa ha ha!)).
***
~The GMOGers make their way out of Cincinatti, but are stopped at the city limits.~
Youma Ganon: Mwa ha ha! I am the most evilest spawn of Hell, Youma Ganon! I am on a quest to steal the world from Lupus and must go to Germania (aka Turkey) to kill Repus, his evil twin or something. I'll warm up with you insects!
~Murasame sighs and cuts Youma Ganon's legs off.~
Youma Ganon: Ow! But no matter! I am an evil demon and if you think that's enough to stop me you are sooooo-- ~rant mode~
Murasame: ~cleans his sword~ That was satisfying.
Masamune: He's still talking. Why didn't you cut off his head?
Murasame: Watch and learn, brother. ~points up~
~Pie a la modewhile, the space bus has swooped low over Cincinatti and is hit by a biplane. It starts plummeting toward the city limits. The GMOGers notice and move away. Youma Ganon does the same, then remembers that he doesn't have legs and thus doesn't move.~
Youma Ganon: ~points up~ THAT's enough to stop me...
~KABOOM~
Murasame: What a fun yet pointless diversion!
Kuria: I'm glad he never showed up in OUR timeline...
Roy: Oh God I think his soul just possessed me.
~Everyone turns to Roy.~
Roy: I'm kidding!
~Everyone turns away.~
Roy: ((Or am I?))
~The space bus opens and Luigi staggers out.~
Luigi: Sapphire? Masamune? Vorpal? When did you guys... ~collapses~
~Sapphire presses a button on her parasol and a knife pops out the top. She starts toward Luigi, but Rhyk stops her.~
Rhyk: Wait. I don't think this is the Luiigii who came with you. My optical scanners are listing his name with only two i's.
Sapphire: Oh well that's perfectly logical. ~keeps walking toward him~
Vorpal: ~runs ahead of her~ Let's just take him with us for now. We'll sort it out later. ~throws Luigi over his shoulders~
Sapphire: . . .
Kuria: So do we need a boat or something to reach Yoshi's Island?
Scruffy: Ha ha! Leave that to me!
***
Mariorocks: My lordship, I have a question. Why are we trying to get your heart back from the nasty SteveT? Wouldn't it be easier to steal the heart of the Donkeyman from this timeline? After all, he is a sap, nyuk nyuk nyuk!
Donkeyman: ~kicks Mariorocks in the face~ That's what happens when you think. Sap or not, the combined awesome of two Donkeymans in the same place at the same time would be enough to detonate the universe. Then NO ONE gets the heart. Is that what you want?
Mariorocks: Coitently not, master...
---
OoC: Wait. Is it Donkeymans or Donkeymen?
Author: GORE-ILLA
*SteveT and Luiigii approach a bar.*
SteveT: Looks like your textbook hive of scum and villainy. We'll start our search here.
Luiigii: Do I get any say?
SteveT: Of course not, unless you'd rather be launched to another group for like the tenth time this OG.
Luiigii: Okay okay, let's do this.
*Luiigii walks up to the door and knocks. A slot opens, and a creature's eyes peek through.*
Bouncer: Whaddya want, kid?
Luiigii: I have a fullgrown beard.
SteveT: Let me take care of this.
*SteveT tackles the door and in the process crushes the bouncer alive. SteveT then rushes up the bar, picks up a wine bottle and smashes it against the counter with enough force to shatter the counter. The entire bar degenerates into a brawl.*
SteveT: Now we just sit back and fight off these losers until we have our new minion.
Sonic the Hedgehog: Elsewhere, Team Good Timeline has piled onto a dangerously-frail dinghy.
Scruffy: Sorry guys, I'm not the best engineer. I did the best I could with what I learned from No Name and Frenchie. We could try to barter with Chevy Chase, but we already have a Davy Jones character in this OG.
Masamune: Yeah, I don't need another soul-swapping headache and kraken parody.
Vorpal: Is there any way to make this thing go faster?
Scruffy: You look familar. Aren't you that Burger King kid?
Vorpal: LEMME AT HIM!
*Vorpal starts to lunge at Scruffy, but Sapphire and Murasame hold him back.*
Sapphire: Normally I'd sit back and sigh while you all clobber each other, but not when you could break this poorly assembled boat!
Murasame: The feeling is mutual!
Roy: I'm the only other person here who hasn't spoken yet.
Kuria: Not true, there is also I!
Sonic the Hedgehog: Back at the Canadiandude, lurking beneath the ship's hull is a danger that came with Luiigii- a danger that most had forgotten.
Demon Yami Yoshi: Now I can reach my goal...
*The Demon Yami Yoshi slinks out silently past Ditto, who is helping Loogi stop a nosebleed from his last encounter with Luiigii. The Demon Yami Yoshi then leaps from the ship and flutters his way towards Yoshi's Island.*
Sonic the Hedgehog: In Yami Yoshi's house, everyone is partying and having fun! Yes! Yami Yoshi then walks over to the bathroom to do his business... but finds someone there.
Demon Yami Yoshi: RAAAGUGH! Egg Tomb!
*Yami Yoshi is encased within a giant egg, which the Demon Yami Yoshi quickly hides. The Demon Yami Yoshi then shrinks down to resemble the "real" Yami Yoshi.*
Yami Yoshi: Now I'll make sure I do the best damn heroing I can do!
*Yami Yoshi walks outside and stands atop a counter. He pulls a plug to turn off the music and strobe lights.*
Yami Yoshi: Alright, OGers! That's enough! This world needs some cleaning up, but I see a bright future if we start exterminating all this scum now! Follow my orders, and this will be the Best Timeline! We will not let any villain live!
*Elsewhere, at the bar, SteveT and Luiigii have beaten down nearly everyone in the bar. Luiigii is intensely exhausted.*
Luiigii: Steve... I'm not sure how much more I can take...
Steve: I think we got them all.
*The bartender, a small shadowy man, hops up to the counter.*
???: Heh heh heh... leaping Zimbabwe checkers! I say we shake pythons!
Luiigii: (produces laser sword and aims it at the creature) What are you, you foul creature?
???: A gnome... no an evil zombie. PHIL! All marmosets done, ready for duty!
Luiigii: Oh come on, this guy's more annoying then Straw Man.
SteveT: You're hired!
Evil Zombie Phil: Fine, but I expect clothes in payment! Let me call you Introbulus 2 and Jim 2, so I can take pleasure in one day killing you with my bare hands!
SteveT: You just earned yourself a raise.
Author: Luigi of the Pipes
Luiigii: So, um, what exactly was the plan AFTER we set up the team? I mean, there's no parties to crash and the villains in this timeline are, like, the most powerful villains, period.
SteveT: Well duh. We're going to go and find more of these pudding-y things so that I can become even more powerful. Siphnitty tells me that there's a whole family ripe for the taking; the Saphnits.
Luiigii: You're on SPEAKING TERMS with it?
Evil Zombie Phil: It zits the zit of a pit of pits.
SteveT: Shut up both of you. Luiigii, go take a cat nap. Evil Zombie Phil, go steal a car.
Evil Zombie Phil: ~drives up in a motor boat~ Done and done!
SteveT: That'll do, I guess.
~SteveT and Luiigii climb into the motor boat and cruise down the street. Evil Zombie Phil suddenly slams on the breaks as he sees a Kohl's, sending SteveT and Luiigii flying into the road. They roll forward a couple hundred feet, at the end of which SteveT stands and starts pressing on the dents in his body. He waves for Luiigii to follow; Luiigii doesn't move.~
SteveT: Craaaaaap. ~picks up Luiigii and walks back to the boat~
***
~Luiigii wakes up in a wide field as guys in togas walk around shouting at each other. Amidst them, a man walks up in a tweed jacket.~
Luiigii: Stack?
Narrator: Yes indeed.
Luiigii: You're dead?
Narrator: After Lupus kidnapped the Party Goers, there wasn't much sense in hanging around anymore, was there? If only there was some timeline somewhere where Lupus didn't do so... ~exaggerated sigh~
Luiigii: So I'm dead too?
Narrator: Yup. That's why I was sent here. I'm supposed to lead you to Heaven.
Luiigii: This all seems oddly familiar. Did I do this in another life maybe?
Narrator: Ha ha. Another LIFE. Well, we've got nine circles of Hell to pass through. Might as well jump to it.
*Fourth Circle*
~The Narrator and Luiigii make their way down a dirt path through a forest. Out of one of the trees leaps a wolf which tackles Luiigii and starts biting at him. Luiigii kicks it off and draws his laser sword, but the Narrator grabs his hand.~
Narrator: You're already in Hell. Let's not make your situation worse.
Luiigii: He started it...
~The wolf runs forward, transforming as it does so until it is Chibi-Devil.~
Narrator: Hello Plutus.
Chibi-Devil: Wracked to the max of an extreme bike volley!
Luiigii: ...Everyone talks like that these days.
Chibi-Devil: You can say that again.
Luiigii: ...Everyone talks like that these days.
Chibi-Devil: You can--
Narrator: What do you want?
Chibi-Devil: To say what you won't. To do what you can't. To take care of those who stand in MY way! ~jumps at Luiigii's throat~
~Luiigii catches Chibi-Devil and melts him. Luiigii dusts his hands off and starts back down the path, when Chibi-Devil leaps out of the puddle and grabs the back of his neck.~
Luiigii: AGH!
Chibi-Devil: That won't work. Aside from me being an IMMORTAL HELL SPAWN as you know, I recently made a friend down here over in the ninth circle. ~sticks out his tongue and extends it past Luiigii's head, so he can see the red gem laying on it~ Saphnity here has the elemental power to control fire. Like that little show you just put on.
Luiigii: Saphnit-y, huh? I mean... AGH!
~Luiigii flicks on his laser sword and sticks it behind his neck, but Chibi-Devil clambors to the front like a squirrel. Luiigii swings at the front but misses again. And so on.~
Luiigii: ~looks to the Narrator while still trying to hit Chibi-Devil~ I'm dead, right?
Narrator: Sure.
Luiigii: So if I killed myself down here, what would happen?
Narrator: I suspect you can't exactly die anymore, so--
Luiigii: I'll just regenerate, got it.
Narrator: No, you'll--
~Luiigii stabs himself through the throat, impaling Chibi-Devil in the process. Chibi-Devil pushes himself off before he can slide through the saber and then writhes on the ground in anger. Luiigii falls over as the world goes white. Before it does completely, he reaches into Chibi-Devil's mouth and grabs Saphnity, holding it tightly.~
Narrator: You'll, um, go back to life.
***
~Luiigii wakes up in the back of the motor boat, neither SteveT nor Evil Zombie Phil noticing. He looks down at Saphnity in his hand, then takes out his laser sword and breaks it open. He takes out the crystal and tosses it out of the boat, then sticks Saphnity in its place...~
Author: Vorpal
~... which obviously is the boat!~
SteveT: What are you doing?
Luiigii: Sorry, still delirious from dying twice today, I guess. What did I just do?
~Suddenly the boat comes to life~
Boat: Woah! What is this feeling? I'm suddenly aware of my existence!
SteveT: Oh, great! Now we have a sentient boat.
Boat: I'm a boat?
Evil Zombie Phil: I want to speak in this scene.
Boat: I guess the next thing for me to do would be to choose a name.
Luiigii: Uhm... well... boats are usually named after concepts or dead people...
Boat: So, if I was named after a dead concept, then I'd be like... a super boat, right?
Luiigii: I guess...
Boat: ... Hmmm... a dead concept...
Evil Zombie Phil: Mercantilism?
Boat: Well, I was thinking more along the lines of "Fair Play" but that works, too.
SteveT: Can we stop talking, and let me have the Saphnity now!
Mercantilism: Wait what's that?
SteveT: It's what brought you to life, but I need it to become super evil!
Mercantilism: No way! I like living! *Engine roars to life, and Mercantilism zooms off flying for some reason, sending the three passengers flying back and holding onto the end of Mercantilism for dear life.*
| Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 8 Archive |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 |