GCPA Sequel Chapter 3
| Chapters in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Sequel |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 |
Chapter Three: The Bizarro Folk Blues
Author: No Name
No Name: So Krazy, what's up?
Krazy: You mean other then what was down?
No Name: Huh?
Krazy: Chicken Nuggets.
No Name: I see you're still up to your no good tricks..
Krazy: Silly rabbit, tricks are for kids!
*Japanese rabbit walks in and says “you share” then snaps 3 Asian kids' necks and leaves.*
Krazy: Who are you, alchemist?
Alchemist: My name is…*do screech in the back* Slim Shady….no just playing it's Edwin.
No Name: Cool…Who’s this lost in translation girl?
Dreamer: I am the Dreamer. I will take you to whichever destination you want…..no matter where it is…..
Krazy: I see…. therefore I eat…..your mom.
No Name: OOOOOOO!
Edwin: Nice Krazy! *gives Krazy a hi-five but because of his transmutation circle their hi-five becomes a EXPLODING HI FIVE*
Krazy: Refreshing…..citrus lemon limey.
No Name: Well Krazy, what's our first move?
Krazy: To not move within itself because ultimately is it not a move but still not moving but yet it’s a move.
Edwin: WHAT?!?!!
Sensei: EEEEEEEEH!!
*Audience Laughs, then Patrick walks in.*
Patrick: Hey Sensei!
Sensei: EEEEEEEEH Chotto mate!!!
*Audience laughs, then theme song plays.*
*It's Sensei, it's Sensei…..*
Krazy: Our first move will be…*puts a blindfold on and spins around and then sticks a pin into a world map*
Krazy: HERE! Oh hey, I never new there was a place called Bizzaro Gate?
No Name: How conveniently placed and unoriginal of the writers to make a crappy and lazy way to find the crew mates.
Krazy: To bizzaro WORLD!!!!
Dreamer: As you wish…
*After a long or maybe short journey the crew finds themselves crossing the Bermuda Triangle.*
Krazy: So that’s what happens to all those ships and planes...
No Name: I sense the dark side...it's strong...
Edwin: Yeah!
Dreamer: Do you wish to proceed?
No Name: Of course! Even though this was not a well thought out plan…we should listen to our instinct and right now the Force is telling me to go through this gate.
Edwin: Yeah!
*Crew jumps through gate and falls into BIZZARO WORLD!!!!*
No Name: Ouch, where are we?
Krazy: Last night inside your mom, but now……ARDFGSDGSd!!
Edwin: OOOOOOOOO!
No Name: I sense a presence…..
*An eerie figure lurks in the darkness watching the crew….*
*Meanwhile in the navy ship*
Ruffy: So you telling me that if we do this I’ll be captain..?
Que Pasa: *Eats rat that crosses by* Yeah sure!
Many Names: Well well……
*Crew looks behind them*
The One with Many Names: Look what we’ve got here, a bunch of charlatans….pirates..thugs…..
Krazy Dude: Flying stockings with mayonnaise.
Many Names: Nice skill you got there, pirate…reminds me of Captain Sane Dude only your evil and a pirate and we are not, we’re the opposite….
No Name: You’re a Sith, how can you fight for justice and righteousness!?!?!
Many Names: You look like me…..and so do you, you look like my captain…who are you people?
Many Name: I am a Sith, yes indeed, but I fight out of selfishness and because I want justice and all that is right to myself there is no contradiction here…. Now I'll report to the captain about this…….
*Calls captain*
Sane Dude: My my, look at what we have here…….a bunch of pirates that landed right in our laps!
Edwin: Ew dude, we don’t go that way.
*Mega-Myself goes and calls Que Pasa and Ruffy*
Que Pasa: What happened?
Mega Myself: The cap’n wants you upstairs we just found some pirates and he wants you there..
Que Pasa: Alright!
*Que Pasa walks up to the poop deck of the navy ship only to come face to face with his old crewmates*
Que Pasa: Could it be…..
Krazy Dude: Que….Pasa…..
Author: That Krazy Dude
Narrator: Out of nowhere, a figure jumps up onto the deck of the Goldendom Cheesecake.
Shiny: Hey guys, I forgot my hat. Can't go anywhere without it or I'll just blind everyone everywhere I go. ...What's going on here?
*Awkward reappearance, I know.....leave me alone!!!*
Author: GORE-ILLA
Que Pasa: ...I've got it! They must be Bizarro Mounties in disguise- after them!
*That Krazy Dude, No Name, Edwin, Shiny Stallone an the Dreamer are all overpowered and loaded into a catapault.*
Ruffy: Any last words before we send you into the horrid wasteland that is Bizarro Canada?
Krazy Dude: (shouts to Que Pasa) THE BUN IS IN YOUR MIND!!!
Ruffy: Fire!
*Bizarro Stampede launches the catapault, and everyone screeches as they fly to Bizarro Canada.*
Que Pasa: Now we should get ready for the mutiny before Extremely Sane Guy comes back.
Extremely Sane Guy: What mutiny?
Que Pasa: There he is! Jump him!
Extremely Sane Guy: (smiles smugly) You believe that you ragtag band of sea rats can overpower I, the mighty Extremely Sane Guy? You make me laugh. Now come back to my side before I go all out on you. I am not to be questioned.
*Everyone gulps and walks over to Extremely Sane Guy's side until only Que Pasa and Ruffy remain.*
Ruffy: Sorry Nan Deska... (walks back to Sane Guy)
*Elsewhere Krazy Dude, No Name, Edwin, Shiny Stallone and Dreamer wander through Bizarro Canada, when they're attacked by a Vampire Mounty. Suddenly a knight in shining armor comes riding a horse and impales the Vampire Mounty on his lance.*
Knight: You kids alright? (takes off his helmet)
Edwin: It can't be... you're...
Knight: The name's Bizarro Dubya Bush, and I believe in fighting my own battles for just causes.
No Name: I love you.
*Back on the Bizarro ship...*
Extremely Sane Guy: I think I'll start punishing you all now! (whips out a Blade Mop and cuts up Mega-Myself with it)
Bizarro Stampede: Ooh, punish me next!
Extremely Sane Guy: (covers Bizarro Stampede with bandages)
Bizarro Stampede: NOOO NOOO MAKE IT STOP OH MAN PLEASE!!!
Extremely Sane Guy: Now which of you started the mutiny?
*Everyone points at Ruffy and Que Pasa.*
Extremely Sane Guy: If you wish to keep your lives, kill them. And never question me again! I am perfection!
*All the pirates surround Ruffy and Que Pasa.*
Ruffy: Yeaaaaah, using my excellent deduction skills, I have come to one conclusion......... We are um.................. screwed.
Author: Scruffy
Narrator: Back on the island, Scruffy and Mr. T are being worked out to near death.
Drew Carey: Damn, both of you are weaker than I thought.
Scruffy: (doing push ups with Drew Carrey on his back) SHUT...UP...FAT...MAN!!!!
Mr. T: (doin push ups wit an elephant on his back) T...NEEDS...MILK...PITY...THE...FOOL...ON TOP...OF...ME!!!
Drew Carrey: Okay, I think that's enough of that, now each of you will be separately trained.
Mr. T: Do we have to, fool?
Drew Carey: Do you wanna defeat the ultimate evil?
Scruffy: Do we need to if we don't?
Drew Carey: ...No I guess.
Scruffy: Good luck humanity, let's go BA!
Mr. T: T pity da fool who just drank T's Milk!
Drew Carey: Now just wait a darn second, I mean, don't you care bout your friends, your families, your loves that you left back in the past, they and your crew are dependin on you, you need to train to defeat this evil, you....
Bush: (steps in) .......As fellow Americans need to go show them watcha made of, America needs ya more than eva!!! (runs away)
Drew: As I was gonna say, the world's fate lies on your shoulders, what do you say guys????
Narrator: Scruffy is playing on his PSP, and Mr. T is polishing his BFG's.
Scruffy: Sorry, didn't catch what you just said, what's up?
Drew: (teleports milk) Here, Mr. T!
Mr. T: Oh goody, milk, make me a happy fool!!! (drinks it)
Drew: Excellent!
Mr. T: T don't feel good, pity da fool that drugged my milk!!!!! (falls asleep)
Scruffy: You drugged his milk, why you....
Drew: Take this!
Narrator: Drew shoots Scruffy with a tranquilizer dart.
Scruffy: sjifspsfpsf (falls asleep)
Mysterious Figure 2: You know, drugged milk could have bad side effects.
Drew: Really, like what???
Mysterious Figure 2: Lactose intolerance.
Mr. T: (continuously farting and speaking in his sleep) T don't like cheese, no fool no!!!
Drew: Oh, you're right, you go back to building the ship, I'll go take a bath in the meanwhile, let's just get outta here.
Mysterious Figure 2: Alright.
Narrator: Meanwhile in Hell....
Stampede: (off-key singing) 999 demons trying to kill me, 999 demons a-trying, take my gun and shoot the crap out of it, 998 demons to kill!!!!
Imp: Rawr!!!!
Stampede: Eat lead, bitch!!!
Pinky: Rawr!!! (charges at Stampede with its mouth open)
Stampede: Chew on this! (whips out Chainsaw)
Mancubus: Gugugugu!!!!
Stampede: Oh my God!!!!, Salama????
Mancubus: Gugu? (shoots tri-fireball attack)
Stampede: Guess not! (shoots Rocket Launcher shots at him) But I'm guessing that's what he will look like if he goes to Hell, better make sure he stays good!
Voice: Every step you take is a step closer to delivering me your soul, muwahahahaha!!!!!
Narrator: Stampede steps into a teleporter and appears in a closed area of hell with fire and a mysterious cubical figure in the middle.
Stampede: WTF, what is that???
Cubical Figure: (in creepy and eerie whisper voice) We are one, we are many, we are the Ethirium Core, the Hammer of Thor, known to you as the Soul Cube, free us from our eternal prison, and we will help you. Kill one of Hell's warriors, and we grow strong, kill 5, we will help you slay the fiercest of creatures. We will tell you wen we are ready to use, we are the only ones who can defeat Hell's mightiest warrior, help us, and we will help you.
Stampede: .......cool
Voice: Muwahahahaha!!!!
Stampede: You're all talk and no action, face me cigarette!!!
Voice: As you wish, MUWAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!
Narrator: The ground around him shakes and the mysterious voice summons the strongest of gate keepers, The Cyberdemon. Stampede walks in awe past the three story creature as it roars, causing the ground to shake yet again, in awe and shock, as he realizes that before him lies yet his greatest of foes. He takes out the shotgun as the mysterious portal in the middle opens up and demons start to swarm and attack from all angles and he puts the Soul Cube away.
Stampede: Five demons, right???
Soul Cube: Yes.
Stampede: Who's the first fucker in line???
Narrator: A maggot jumps at Stampede as one of the best wars of all times begins. Stampede shoots it in the head, and dodges the incoming Rocket from the Cyberdemon as he strafes across the rugged landscape. Back on the island, Mr. T and Scruffy are waking up...again.
Drew: Train you lazy bastards, train!!!!!!!!
Scruffy: Yes sir!
Mr. T: Fool, yes, fool!!!
Narrator: After nine hours of rigorous studying and training.
Drew: It's time to see how you have progressed. Time for POPU QUIZU!!!!!!!
Scruffy and Mr. T: Yes Drew Sensei!!!
Narrator: And yet another FFVII Battle starts with boss music.
Narrator: Scruffy uses Inferno.
Narrator: Drew suffers 89 damage.
Scruffy: Oh yeah, more sponduli!!!!
Mr. T: My turn fool!
Narrator: Mr. T uses Tremendous Punch.
Narrator: Drew suffers 76 damage.
Mr. T: It's da milk fool, it's da milk!
Narrator: Drew uses Hero's Slash.
Narrator: Mr. T takes 34 damage.
Mr. T: Oh yeah, my fool-proof guns are beauties!!!
Scruffy: Cool, my turn again!
Narrator: Scruffy uses Burning Blade (a sword of fire forms in Scruffy's hand).
Scruffy: Cool!!!!
Narrator: Drew uses Massive Carnage.
Narrator: Scruffy is immune to physical attacks and Mr. T suffer 100 damage.
Mr. T: Fool, you gonna get it!!!!!
Narrator: Mr. T uses Overlimit: Dual-Wielding BFG 90000s.
Narrator: Drew takes 2000.001 damage.
Mr. T: T teach you to mess with my gold!!!
Narrator: Drew uses Bomber Man Bomb.
Narrator: Scruffy and Mr. T dodge, and use Double Gunner.
Narrator: Drew Faints.
Drew: Excellent, you two make me proud. Now go and get ready, I have had my Niece repair your ship and have opened a portal to the past, please, save us from this horrid future.
Scruffy: Alright old timer, take care, and thanks for everything.
Mr. T: T feeling all warm inside, come here old fool! (hugs Drew)\
Drew: Can't....breathe.....stop hugging.....me.....
Mr. T: Sorry fool!
Drew: It's alright.
Scruffy: Then we will be off.
Drew: Wait, take my niece with you. Tell her to take care and never forget her family, please, take care of her.
Scruffy: Sure, but why don't you tell her yourself?
Drew: I need to go badly, I drank some of Mr. T's drugged milk!
Mr. T: Serves you right, fool!!!
Scruffy: Hahaha, alrighty then seeya!!!
Drew: Goodbye and good luck!
Obi-Wan Kaboozie: May the force (burp) be with you.
Narrator: And the two walk to the shore to see their ship repaired and the portal open.
Scruffy: Hello, what's your name???
Niece: Hi, I'm Drew's niece, call me Lyssa for now.
Scruffy: Okay, well, your uncle told us to take you with us, and I see you got excellent mechanical skills, so what do you say???
Lyssa: No, I don't wanna and you cant make me! I'm stayin with my uncle!
Scruffy: As you wish......BA, milk her!!!
Mr. T: Aye aye Cap'n Fool!!
Narrator: Mr. T forces a little bit of drugged milk into Lyssa, instantly putting her to sleep.
Scruffy: Good work, now throw her and her tool box on board and start the engines, Mr. T.....BA, you there?
Narrator: Mr. T drank some milk too and falls asleep.
Scruffy: Crap, well then (throws them on the ship) here we go!
Narrator: Scruffy starts the Golden Cheesecake, and drives it through the portal. Meanwhile, Stampede has been fighting the forces of evil non-stop.
Stampede: Hey I just realized something. I'm not tired at all, why?
Soul Cube: Your stamina is greatly increased in Hell.
Stampede: Cool!
Soul Cube: Use Us!!!
Stampede: Here we go!
Narrator: The Soul Cube goes through the Cyberdemon and returns, improving Stampede's health.
Stampede: (whipping out Plasma Rifle) That's the eighth attack against him, how much more will it take????
Soul Cube: We can feel his power dwindling, one more attack and the beast shall be felled.
Stampede: Good, I'm sort of starting to get tired now.
Narrator: Stampede kills one Lost Soul with the Plasma Rifle and four Zombies with a Grenade.
Stampede: Remember, 9 out of 10 Zombies prefer to be blown up by a grenade.
Soul Cube: Use Us!!!!
Stampede: This should do it.....
Narrator: Stampede unleashes his final attack against the fowl beast. The Soul Cube chops of its left leg, then goes inside the beast and start to chop it inside-out and pops out through the mouth. Then it goes into the portal and hardens lava over it, sealing itself and hell forever.
Stampede: I'll miss you. You were creepy, but cool!
Master Chief: It's all right, let's go.
Narrator: Both of them step through the portal, leading them into the unknown. When Stampede appears through the other side, he lands on top of the Bizarro crew that was about to kill Ruffy and Que Pasa.
Que Pasa: Stampede!!!!!
Stampede: Que Pasa, where the hell am I, and is that me over there cutting myself, what da fuck?!?!?!
Narrator: Meanwhile, Scruffy, Mr. T, and Lyssa fall of the ship and land on Sniper Mounties that wer about to kill Dubya Bush, Krazy Dude, No Name, Edwin, Shiny Stallone and Dreamer. Then they roll down the mountain.
Krazy: CAP'N!!!!!!!!!
No Name: Cap'n, you're alive and so is Mr. T!
Scruffy: Yeah, we're here!
Mr. T: T pity da fool who's lookin at my gold!
Shiny: Sorry, runs in the family to be attracted to gold.
Edwin: So, where have you two been?
Scruffy: Training.
Scruffy: Who's she? (looks at Dreamer)
Dreamer: I am your new navigator.
Scruffy: Cool.
No Name: Who's the girl Cap'n?
Mr. T: She our new fool-mechanic!
Lyssa: My name is Lyssa, and I came here by unconventional means.
Scruffy: Mr. T did it!
Mr. T: Pity da fool who just blamed me!
Krazy: Uh guys! (points over to a Mounty Sniper barely standing)
Sniper: Hold it right there, I'm not through with you hahaha.....
Narrator: The Golden Cheesecake falls on top of him.
Scruffy: Ouch.
Dubya Bush: (pointing at da dead Mounty) You are what America despises!!!!
Scruffy: Arooo?
Mr. T: Who you fool?
Theme music and credits roll
Author: GORE-ILLA
*Back at Mecha-Gorenicus's lair, Mecha-Gorenicus has summoned Siren, Mini-Myself and the French chick.*
Mecha-Gorenicus: Alright everybody! I'm going out to have tea with Count Gonad. In the meantime, my French assisstant will watch over you and make sure you don't try anything. (to the French chick) Make sure they're in bed by nine. The emergency numbers are on the fridge. Toodles (jets away)
French Chick: (waits til Mecha-Gorenicus is gone) We don't have long- we have to get out of here!
*At the Bizarro ship, all of the crew close in on Ruffy and Que Pasa while Stampede beats up Bizarro Stampede, who is busy cutting himself to "Crawling in My Skin". Que Pasa and Ruffy nod at each other. Que Pasa draws two pens and a pencil while Ruffy pulls out a scimatar. Pirates of the Carribean music starts playing as they fight their way through the Bizarro crew. The first Bizarros to go down are the Bizarro versions of people I have no ideas for. Que Pasa leaps forward with one pencil in his mouth and two pens in his hands.*
Que Pasa: Oni Giri! (cuts through Rubbin Mccrotch and Turquoise Samurai)
*Elsewhere Ruffy is hiding behind a counter in the kitchen. Chef Leos enters and sniffs the air.*
Leos: I smell you Ruffy and the germs you are spreading to our precious food! You know everyone is forbidden in here!
*Leos's fist shatters the counter as Ruffy leaps around and blasts waves of water from his hands at Leos. Leos spins around, surrounding himself in a magic tornado that takes in the water and shoots it off in multiple directions.*
Leos: Give up! You can't win, you lowly janitor!
*Que Pasa faces off with Fish and continuosly shoots cannonballs that miss him in impossible manners.*
Que Pasa: What the hell man?
*Leos has cornered Ruffy and summons a pine cone tree.*
Leos: It's over.
Ruffy: Not yet, Le Moron.
*Ruffy quickly kicks a raw chicken into Leos's hands. Leos screams and rushes off to wash the chicken and himself to prevent salmonella.*
*Fish just stands there while Que Pasa sets up an elaborate trap around Fish. He then winds a toy mouse that sets off a complicated chain of events which results in a rope holding an anvil above Fish's head being snapped by a flaming arrow. Que Pasa crosses his fingers as the anvil falls down, and he sees a big crash. When the smoke clears, the ground around Fish is destroyed, but Fish himself is alive and well. he still hasn't moved.*
Que Pasa: Rrrr...
*Mega-Myself charges towards Ruffy, who uses a magic teleporting parka to warp onto Mega-Yourself's chin and yank on his beard until he collapses on top of Every Name. Overdressed Nun attempts an attack, but Ruffy grabs Every Name's laser sword and flings it like a boomerang. It cuts through her clothes, and she runs off from embarassment.*
Extremely Sane Guy: Enough! You want to be captain? Then fight me so I can show you how inferior you truly are!
*Elsewhere on the ship, Que Pasa screams as he tackles at Fish, slams into an invisible wall and falls over.*
Que Pasa: WHY WON'T YOU DIE???
*Extremely Sane Guy lies on the ground beaten. Ruffy flexes his fingers.*
Ruffy: Hey you skipped my dramatic fight scene!
Bizarro Crew: (hold Ruffy up above) CAP'N! CAP'N! CAP'N!
Ruffy: Awesome! C'mon up first mate- Nan Deska!
Que Pasa: I'm hungry.
Nan Deska: Stop! This has gone horribly wrong!
Ruffy: Nan Deska? (turns to Que Pasa) Then who are you?
Nan Deska: Que Pasa, a spy from the non-Bizarro dimension! Err... that's what my Snapple cap says.
Ruffy: (angry) So! You tried to trick me, "Que Pasa"! This mutiny must have been part of some complicated world domination scheme!
Que Pasa: Huh?
Ruffy: Nan Deska is childish and stupid. If you're his non-Bizarro self, you must be an evil and cunning mastermind.
Que Pasa: Heh heh... you said "master".
Ruffy: Enough of your act! This is over.
Nan Deska: So Cap'n, I got some ideas for new plans... from the Discovery Channel.
Ruffy: No. This is Que Pasa's plan. He wanted me to be captain for some evil plan. I'm going to have to resign to Extremely Sane Guy!
Nan Deska: (breifly flashes with anger) Then let me hang this loser pirate myself.
Ruffy: Good. Get him out of my sight.
*En evil grin crosses Nan Deska's face as he grabs Que Pasa and disappears until my next post.*
Stampede: (walks out of Bizarro Stampede's room) What did I miss?
*Elsewhere, Mecha-Gorenicus sits at a tea table with Count Gonad's Brain as they sip tea and talk about politics.*
Author: That Krazy Dude
Somewhere in the mountains of Asia...
Salama: *wheeze* *wheeze*...I'm tired! And I wanna go on a yacht!
ADD: Silence, fat man! I think I hear something. *lifts turban up so he can hear better* Sounds like a waterfall. Eastward ho, fat man!!
salama: Haha...you said ho.
ADD: ::sigh:: *grabs a piece of chicken from under his turban as well as a pigeon and puts the chicken in the pigeon's beak (did i mention it was a strong pigeon?). The pigeon flies toward the waterfall*
Salama: CHICKEN!!! MINE!!! *Salama runs toward the pigeon and takes off from the ground. The rickshaw, ADD, and Salama go flying into the air and remain in the air. The moon comes out of nowhere and the rickshaw flies past it as ET music plays* Then the rickshaw comes crashing down by the waterfall*
ADD: *looks over to the waterfall* Who do we have here?
Narrator: Sitting in the waterfall, of all people, was Nemo.
Nemo: I have been watching you all, and i know the destination that you must reach. You must find the land of mounties and hockey and rejoin the crew who you once ate alongside of. Now my friends I must go. I shall respawn somewhere else and advise the other members who need it. So long Asian of Distraction and Salama of....Salama.
The waterfall's intensity increases and Nemo is killed under the pressure of the water.
ADD: Well...that was awkward. So anyway we have to find your friends. Now, he said something about mounties and hockey.
Salama: Where could that possibly be? Do you think he's talking about Brazil or something?
ADD: ...Here, play with this *reaches into turban and takes out butterfly*
Salama: *childish laugh. plays with the butterfly*
ADD: So he's talking about Canada. But how are we going to get there....aha! I've got it! *reaches into turban and pulls out a remote control. He points it at the rickshaw, which morphs into a DDR mat* Salama, hop onto this mat now.
Salama: *gets onto mat* How is this gonna help us?
ADD: Don't worry, it flies. It can even carry someone of your weight.
Salama: And how do you use it?
ADD: Just say the location and dance. It's dance powered.
Salama: So you're gonna dance all the way to Canada?
ADD: My fat Arab friend, you have forgotten that I am Asian.
And so ADD danced. The mat took off towards Canada, and they were on their way.
In the meantime in the rainbow village thingy-ma-jig...
Patten: My God, what am I doing here?
Monkey: Don't worry, you are the chosen of the monkey people.\
Patten: Chosen!?
Monkey: Yes, my friend. You alone have the power to defeat these Swedes! Now get out there and save us dammit!!!
*A group of monkeys grab Patten and throw him out on the battlefield*
Patten: What the hell!? *looks around to see monkeys being shot by meatball machine guns fired by the swedish army* If I don't do something about this, I'm gonna be stuck here. Goddammit, why is this happening to me?!
Before Patten could think of what to do, a meteor came crashing down on the army leaving one person alive. Patten goes up behind the dude and pokes him in the back, and he dies. The monkeys come running up.
Monkey Chief: You've done it! You've saved us! Oh thank you, human!
Patten: Uhh...no problem?
Monkey Chief: Here, take this. *hands patten a potato*
Patten: Thanks, I guess.
Monkey Chief: You can use it to teleport wherever you want. But choose wisely because you can only teleport once.
Patten: Sweet!
Nemo spawns out of nowhere in a monkey outfit.
Nemo: You must go to the land of maple syrup and beavers, not the kind that your thinking of right now, the animal.
Monkey: Who the hell is that? Let's kill him!
Nemo: Remember my words, Patten. Ow my arm! Hey, what are you doing to my leg!? No!!! *gets hit by poo and is engulfed in the group of monkeys*
Patten: What could he be talking about?
Monkey Chief: I dunno. Brazil?
Patten Mcgroin: Wait I know! He's talking about Canada! *rubs the potato* Canada!
*Patten is teleported and vanishes into thin air. He, like the others, is on his way to Canada*
Author: GORE-ILLA
*Black, empty space. That Krazy Dude floats up.*
That Krazy Dude: The bun is in your mind... (echoes continuosly)
*Que Pasa's memories flash before his eyes, and he wakes up to see Nan Deska- who's now dressed in cool-ass robes with an awesome swirling cape. They are deep within a huge cavern, near a bottomless chasm.*
Nan Deska: So you've awoken at last, Que Pasa. I hope you're happy. You've ruined my meticulous planning!
Que Pasa: Who?
Nan Deska: What's that? You want me to blurt out my amazingly evil plan for world domination? Well if you insist! It was years ago when I first found out about your world- and your pirate crew. You are all powerful enough to conquer the world together but were too foolish. You pirates are so stupid you'd take orders from an idiot like you! I thought it would be child's play. I'd join the Bizarro version of your crew, pretending to be an idiot while leading them to take over the world for me!
Que Pasa: I'm hungry. Wanna play X-Men Legends?
Nan Deska: But, sadly, this Bizarro crew was too smart to obey me. I thought of revealing myself to be a genius, but I thought otherwise. It would be much easier to take control of your pirate crew. So I kept up my idiot disguise for a while until I saw your crew had been seperated. So I pulled you into the Bizarro world. While you were in here and stupid enought to believe you were me, I would travel to the non-Bizarro world and take your spot on the crew. But you messed that up too!
Que Pasa: (eating a rock)
Nan Deska: Your friends already discovered this Bizarro world and found you. They'd be smart enough to guess my scheme now. And you also suceeded in one thing I thought was too stupid to try- mutinying against Extremely Sane Guy!
Que Pasa: So lemme guess- you did/will do something bad, I gotta fight you.
Nan Deska: (draws pencils) Yeah, pretty much.
*Que Pasa and Nan Deska begin dueling with pens and pencils like crazy.*
Nan Deska: YOU WERE THE CHOSEN ONE!!! You were supposed to stay away from the pirates, not rejoin them! Unknowingly aid my quest for world domination, not ruin it! You were like a non-Bizarro twin to me, and I used you like one!!!
*Nan Deska smacks the Iron Sombrero Que Pasa wears and has apparently worn all this time off his head.*
Que Pasa: No! That sombrero is my treasure...
[flashback]
*Que Pasa starts crying at his farewell with Ramone and Frederico. Ramone takes off his iron sombrero and rests it on Que Pasa's head.*
Ramone: Do me a favor... Keep this hat safe for me?
[/flashback]
Nan Deska: Haha! You call that metallic sombrero your treasure? What a... loser!
[flashback]
Ramone: This hat means alot to me. Promise me you'll give it back to me... someday.
Que Pasa: I will! I'm gonna work hard and become the king of pirates...'s first mate!
[/flashback]
*Que Pasa shoots rocks from his nose cannon with a sudden rage, forcing Nan Deska back and then swinging at him with his pen- leaving a trail of blood and ink across Nan Deska's chest.*
Nan Deska: Gah! How are you... you... arr, I can't do it anymore!
Que Pasa: Buh?
Nan Deska: It was never about the world! It was about YOU! From the second I saw you, I was fascinated... I wanted to take your place, to be you... BECAUSE I LOVE YOU!!!!
Que Pasa: Awkward.
Nan Deska: Do you feel the same to me? Please say you do!
Que Pasa: Hell no, get out of my house.
Nan Deska: Fine then. If I can't have you, no one can!
*Nan Deska leaps at Que Pasa with a pen, and Que Pasa blocks with his cannon nose. "The Real Folk Blues" plays in the background, and this time it actually gets to the chorus.*
[flashback]
*Que Pasa drags Ramone from the wreckage of the trashed spaceship.*
Ramone: It's all just a dream... (dies)
[/flashback]
[flashback]
Lupine: Hey Que Pasa.
Que Pasa: Yeah?
Lupine: I just wanna ask you one thing.
Que Pasa: Whats that?
Lupine: Is it for the Mexican?
Que Pasa: He's dead. There's nothing I can do for him now. It's too see if I'm alive.
[/flashback]
*Que Pasa and Nan Deska continue their duel near the bottomless chasm. Que Pasa knocks a pen out of Nan Deska's hand, who knocks one pencil out of Que Pasa's had. Que Pasa then breaks his second pencil while knocing Nan Deska's second pen out of his hand. They grapple, but Nan Deska overpowers Que Pasa with his super-fruity strength and pins him to the ground. Nan Deska's nose shifts into a giant hand which picks Que Pasa's pencil up off the floor and holds it at Que Pasa's throat.*
Nan Deska: This is your last chance! Run away with me to live forever, or I'll kill you right here!
Que Pasa: I politely decline.
Nan Deska: Fine then! I'll make you die your own death!
Que Pasa: Uh... um... (light bulb goes off) Look behind- it's a COMMUNIST!!!
*Nan Deska immediately spins around and fires his nose cannon rapidly, dropping the pencil. Que Pasa leaps at Nan Deska with the pencil and stabs him before he can react. The pencil shatters Nan Deska's monocle and plants itself in his eye. Nan Deska stumbles about screaming.*
Que Pasa: (shoves Nan Deska off the cliff) Done like dinner.
Nan Deska: You tease, I'll kill yoooooooooooooooooooou...
*Que Pasa exits the cave to find himself in Bizarro Canada by the rest of the crew.*
Scruffy: First Mate!
Que Pasa: Bang. (explodes)
Krazy Dude: Huh?
Que Pasa: So wassup.
Lyssa: ...How'd you do that?
*Back by Mecha-Gorenicus...*
Siren: How do we know we can trust you?
French woman: Zat robot's been pushing me around for too long! I'm ready to leave for anywhere else where I can put my talents to use. I could be a mechanic for your crew!
Mini-Myself: Sorry, my Some-Other-Crew-Member-Has-Enlisted-A-Mechanic-Recently-And-Hasn't-Brushed-His-Teeth-Today sense is tingling.
Siren: You could just be our lookout.
French woman: Whatever works.
Mecha-Gorenicus: I'm home!
*The French woman snaps Siren and Mini-Myself's slave collars.*
French woman: Now he has no power over you.
Siren: But we still have to fight him?
*Mecha-Gorenicus witnesses the scene and goes angry. Missile launchers emerge from his back. The French woman merely unscrews one nut, and Mecha-Gorenicus falls apart.*
Siren: You're in.
French woman: Thank you. My name is Madamousielle Annoyingaccentala Francois.
Siren: We'll call you Frenchie.
Frenchie: Aw.
Gotta carry that weight
| Chapters in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Sequel |
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