GCPA Sidequests Part 10
| Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 |
Bronze Cobra Conspiracy
Week One: The Child of Fat
by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, Jebus, Darth Curry and Edwin on February 22, 2007
*The Golden Cheesecake is sailing proud as usual.*
Edwin: Oh, so that's your starting phrase. We're just supposed to be your little pawns and get into character?
*The pirates are trying to form a human pyramid.*
Edwin: John's playing with us, like we're his little toys!
*Edwin begins to do an Irish jig.*
Jebus: Captain, I am sailing at half mast! We have an emergency!
That Krazy Dude: Your mom's sailing at half mast!
Jebus: ... Mary...?
Darth Curry: WAH! WAH! HAW!!! (is not noticed by the others)
Lupine: oh snao!
That Krazy Dude: Yes, snao.
Second Mate Chef Lupine: snap*
That Krazy Dude: No, snao's better.
Captain Scruffy: It's a very refreshing drink.
That Krazy Dude: Do I get to be on top of the pyramid? Cuz I'm the star. =D
Lupine: Why are we making a pyramid?
Jebus: I don't see the point of a giant male pyramid...
First Mate Que Pasa: Cap'n, we have a problem!
Scruffy: We always do.
Que Pasa: We need a new crewmate to finish the pyramid!
Scruffy: Anybody new here?
That Krazy Dude: Am I new?
Stampede: Maybe I can do it. (walks to pyramid) You know what guys, I think I'll go play some Counter-Strike- yes, out here in the ocean- call me if we're attacked. (leaves)
That Krazy Dude: He's left us! For an online game! DX
Lupine: You stay you son of a bitch! (grabs Stampede and ties him to a mast)
Stampede: (returns) I already left Lupine.
Lupine: (ties him up) You just got bitched!
Stampede: Ill, you homo!
???: I can join your crew.
Scruffy: No! ??? ITS YOU!
Que Pasa: I don't know who he is, but I like him already! Let's bring him in!
Jebus: *Curses his evil ??? Rival from Pokemon*
Scruffy: Hmmm...
That Krazy Dude: Yo this new guy looks a little... fruity.
Scruffy: My second mate seems to be sexually attracted to you. He needs to get out of the boat more often
Stampede: Ewww...
Jebus: Lupine's having a field day with rope...
Darth Curry: And Darth Curry shall retire until the evil is needed by playing some Call of Duty 3.
Scruffy: You're in!
???: My name is Babyface McTraitorpants. I have magical dance powers!
Que Pasa: Cap'n, you have to let this guy in! He's dynamite!
Jebus: ... Guy dancer...
That Krazy Dude: He has feet of flame.
Jebus: He is flaming all right.
Lupine: Didn't we have a dancer for a while?
Que Pasa: If you count your mom.
Stampede: Cap'n! I didn't know you were here Cap'n!
Scruffy: I'm always here, you just never listen to me. Like that time I asked you for help when I was attacked by my stalker, you just walked past me. I cried that day...
That Krazy Dude: Yeah Edwin! Walked right past him!
Stampede: Yeah, sorry about that Cap'n, I walked by too.
Que Pasa: I... might also... have been in the general area...
Jebus: Who is talking again?
That Krazy Dude: Walked past who?
Stampede: The captain, I coulda saved him.
Jebus: The who? We... have a captain..?
Stampede: Of course, every ship has a captain!
Scruffy: When did we get a captain?
Jebus: Holy crap. I never knew.
Scruffy: Neither did I. Well then.
Jebus: Hmmm...
Scruffy: Let's have it, bring him in so he can meet his captain.
Lupine: Who's Cap'n?
Scruffy: The monkey.
*The newcomer looks on at this moment of ADD. Ricky jumps onto the deck of the ship.*
Ricky: WHO CALLED ME?
That Krazy Dude: ...Hey look a cloud!
Ricky: WHERE!!! (runs off in search of the cloud)
Babyface McTraitorpants: Why hello there Scruffy. See my definitely-not-forged resume.
Jebus: He's right! It's not forged!
Scruffy: So, I see you have experience in.... stripping eeeerrr um oh shi-
Babyface McTraitorpants: I danced for every president.
JebusOo: Even President Al-Gore?
Stampede: Guys what are you stupid!? This is definitely forg- *Stampede is shot with a tranq gun* Well played... Babyface... *falls asleep*
Scruffy: It's Stampede's nap time. Krazy, tuck him in.
Lupine: Hmmm almost poetic. The marksman shot.
Jebus: The money shot.
Lupine: Huh?
Babyface McTraitorpants: Hey everyone, look over there!
*While everyone's looking in the opposite direction, a smoke bomb is dropped on the crew.*
Scruffy: My pants.
That Krazy Dude: Hmmm smells like buttercups.
Lupine: Buttercuos?
*Two cloaked figures slip in.*
Mr. Cloak 1: Quick, get the target!
Mr. Cloak 2: I know, you don't have to remind me!
Stampede: (gets up) Fuck, that tranq had no power whatsoever. What a fag.
Scruffy: Your name, it's quite.... unique *stabs himself with tranq dart* Oh yeah, that hits the spot just right! *falls asleep*
Jebus: WOOHOO I R IN HALO 3 BETA!!
Stampede: Babyface, I challenge you to a duel! ... (looks to Jebus) Shit really?
That Krazy Dude: (laughs) The beta with Crackdown.
Stampede: Awesome.
Jebus: Stfu :-(
Lupine: (kicks Cloaked Figure One)
Babyface McTraitorpants: (approaches Stampede) Fine we will duel with hammers while the rest of the ship is emboiled in chaos.
Jebus: Is emboiled even a word?
Stampede: Probably not.
*CHAOS*
Cloak 1: That's just ride! (uses fire magic to knock Lupine over)
That Krazy Dude: ...
Stampede: Babyface, it's guns or I tranq myself like Scruffy!
Babyface McTraitorpants: Fine.
Stampede: Damn, I wanted to tranq myself. *sigh* Oh well. Someone count us down.
Lupine: (gets up) Magic ehh?
Mr. Cloak 1: You have no idea.
Lupine: (creates fireball in hands) I think I do. (misses and lights ship up... again) Dammit!
Scruffy: (wakes up) You, that didn't last as long as I expected it to.
That Krazy Dude: Hey I had a sandwich here a second ago...
*Tumbleweed rolls.*
Mr. Cloak 2: (leaps on Mr. T's back, attempts to catch Mr. T within stretchy body) I have the target!
That Krazy Dude: Maybe if I do a countdown I'll get my sandwich. 5... 4... 3... 2...
Babyface McTraitorpants: (sniffs finger)
That Krazy Dude: 1... bam!
Babyface McTraitorpants: (shoots)
*The fire spreads to the gunpowder room.*
Scruffy: Okay people, use your environment to your advantage! (picks up nearest object... a balloon)
Stampede: (shoots bullet at Marko) That's for tying me up, you jerk!
Lupine: (dodges) And it's Lupine, Stampede!
Stampede: Omfg Marko let's be real!
That Krazy Dude: Oh there's my sandwich! Hmmm a fire! *roasts sandwich*
Scruffy: YAAAAHHH!!!! *smacks Babyface with balloon*
Lupine: It's GCPA, PHYSICS DON'T EXIST!
Jebus: Guys we must defeat them with Michael Jackson dance moves!
*Stampede transforms into The Guz.*
That Krazy Dude: This is a good sandwich...
The Guz: Oh yeah, "Lupine"? (smites Lupine)
Lupine: Hmmm Guz ow.
That Krazy Dude: Good amount of cheese.
Lupine: Weren't you gonna fight Traitorpants?
The Guz: Nah he's cool.
Jebus: (smites The Guz) (for fun =D)
That Krazy Dude: Tasty lunchmeat.
The Guz: Jebus you jerk! We're buddies!
Jebus: Hahaha! I know...
The Guz: We smite people together!
Jebus: I just haven't smited.. It's almost like blue balls.. but not really.
The Guz: (double smites Lupine)
Lupine: We are buddies too aren't we? iwch
The Guz: We are buddies when you spell correctly.
Babyface McTraitorpants: (hits Scruffy in the back of the head with wine bottle) Oh, that Cloak must have tossed the bottle.
Scruffy: Ouch man, that hurt. *takes wine bottle, and counter hits with rage* How do you like it you stupid whore!
Que Pasa: *rushes down to the Closet of Horrors*
Lupine: *casts Cure 4*
That Krazy Dude: WAIT A SECOND!!! I forgot the mayo.
Scruffy: No! Not the mayo!
*Cloak 2 has Mr. T in a net.*
Mr. Cloak 2: Hurry, we must depart!
Mr. Cloak 1: I'm coming!
That Krazy Dude: *takes a handful of mayo pockets*
Scruffy: We couldn't afford real mayo! It's cow spermatoza!
*Square Enix sues Lupine for copyright infringement*
Lupine: (dodges lawsuit) Cure 4 never existed, it only went up to 3.
*The Lunchman arrives and kicks Krazy in the face.*
Lunchman: Only two packets for students!
Lupine: Not lunch man! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Scruffy: Hey guys, stop bickering. They're getting away with the angry black man and our treasure. Also our ship's on fire, regards to Lupine.
Lupine: *smiles and gives a thumbs up*
Scruffy: (knees Lupine into the ground) It's anti thumbs-up day!
Lupine: My manness!
Que Pasa: Good thing this ghost ship we got from Chevy Chase is indestructible.
That Krazy Dude: (gets up) So this is what it's come down to, Lunchman? We must battle then.
Que Pasa: (opens the Closet of Horrors, unleashing Shenoda clones that trample the Cloaks and free Mr. T.)
*Mr. T begins beating down Cloaks 1 and 2.*
*The part of Stampede/The Guz will be played by Dr. "Beast" Lavlinski from here on.*
*Cloak 1 is sent flying and lands at Lupine's feet. His hood falls off to reveal... Greco.*
Lupine: You!
Scruffy: Oh, it's you again. You! You didn't have to be so mean and kick my desk.
Stampede: Greco?
*Stampede is himself again and kicks Greco in the ribs*
Stampede: =D
Lupine: (grabs pole and impales to no affect, then hits Stampede with fireballs)
*Krazy dodge rolls out of the way of Lunchman and picks up his mop. Lunchman rushes a second time.*
Krazy: What is love? Baby don't hurt me!
Scruffy: *sprays mud onto face*
Lupine: Kicks are my thing.
Stampede: (brushes off embers) Dude, you're dealing with The Guz. Remember that. =D
Lupine: You're not The Guz there. So therefore you = mortal. Meaning fire works. =D I got this.
Krazy: Stop trying to find flaws in each other's characters!
Greco: For the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy! (covers himself in fire and blasts fireballs at the crew)
Lunchman: Huh?
Krazy: (hits Lunchman in the face with a mop knocking him off of the ship; looks over to see Greco)
Greco: We cannot leave without the parcel!
Mr. Cloak 2: Yeah I know!
Lupine: (sprays water at Greco)
Greco: (falls over and cries)
Krazy: So Greco's one of the men behind this attack huh?
Scruffy: Stampede's =D + 8===== = 8=====D
Jebus: Is that Asci penis missing a head..?
Stampede: Nice subliminal message Scruffy.
Scruffy: I do what I'm payed to do.
Lupine: You get paid?
Scruffy: Not prostitution against popular belief. Yes, I do. To make boxes and put things in boxes, and so on. Like so...
Jebus: So you're the box man! That's how I know you!
*A work station appears. Scruffy makes a tiny box and puts Greco in it.*
Lupine: Eck tiny. Sucks for him.
Scruffy: Greco, for when you need him on the go! We don't though, so... (throws box into ocean) They say Tigersharks eat anything that falls into the ocean.
Jebus: *Continues sitting there sipping on tea while watching the crew fight* That's right! Dance my puppets!
*Babyface McTraitorpants shoves Que Pasa into the fire when no one's looking, then pulls him out from the other side.*
Babyface McTraitorpants: Remember I saved your life!
Que Pasa: Thank you, glorious Babyface!
Lupine: Wow Babyface! You're a hero!
*The Guz joins Jebus.*
The Guz: Hey, that looks like good tea. Can I have some?
Jebus: Sure. (hands him a cup) So... how's the weather?
The Guz: Pretty good.
Krazy: Dammit, now where'd I put my sandwich?
Lupine: (starts playing Phoenix Wright) OBJECTION!
Jebus: (smites Lupine's DS) Fight damn you! THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!
Lupine: ;_;
Scruffy: *praises The Guz* Make it blizzard on Sunday.
The Guz: No! I don't wanna shovel.
Scruffy: You don't have to. You can make it snow and your house disappear. There's a marvelous thing about having infinite powers.
Jebus: Make it blizzard by me. Where there's only sunshine.
Cloak 2: Rrr... time to retreat! This was but a warning... THE WORST IS YET TO COME! (turns into a giant soap bubble and disappears)
Lupine: Oh yeah, we forgot him.
Jebus: That was... unexpected..
Krazy: Bubble bubblicious!
Scruffy: Can I pop him?
Que Pasa: Looks like our problems are just about wrapped u- (Lunchman grabs the back of his head and begins slamming it repeatedly into a railing) THIS HURTS ALOT!
That Krazy Dude: I thought I got rid of him!
Scruffy: Apparently you didn't.
Lupine: (kicks Lunchman) That's for the stupid pass rule!
Jebus: (looks to Scruffy) I too have lost a kingdom! JOIN ME! WE WILL REBUILD!
Lupine: Making me buy lunch for two people!
Scruffy: *elbows him in the face*
Lupine: Other than myself!
Scruffy: Next time, finish the job!
Lupine: (inhales and kicks his scrotum)
Que Pasa: Is... this... the man... who eliminated the fries?
Lupine: Yes my son, he did.
Scruffy: Er, no, that was Isa, when he was hungry, and found your lunch. Jebus have mercy on those fries.
Krazy: In school cap'n.
Que Pasa: *shoves Lunchman into cannon nose and fires him into the Tiger Shark Canyon.*
Scruffy: Oh man!
Krazy: You know, the tiger shark is an elusive creature. Only found in certain regions of the worl-chicken nuggets!
Scruffy: You know what they say about tiger sharks guys! They eat ANYTHING!!!!!!1111one XD
Lupine: Ooh sounds like he'll have fun!
Babyface McTraitorpants: We did it, team!
Scruffy: No, you did it. For the nation. For the world. For humans all over the world!
Que Pasa: Yes Babyface, I see you having a great future in this enterprise.
Lupine: Yeah Babyface.
Krazy: Yeah my balls.
Lupine: You may even be greater than The Guz. (grabs anti-smite gear) (anti-smite not anti-semite don't sue us)
Que Pasa: What did they call themselves? Bronze Cobra Conspiracy?
Scruffy: No! Pssh you guys never remember. The Tapdancing Phone Pandas. At least I think so.
Krazy: I thought it was the Bland Combing Corporation.
Lupine: Wasn't it the Nickel Mambas Incorporated?
Scruffy: No. That's the chain of your restaurants that went bankrupt and failed.
That Krazy Dude: Where the fuck is my sandwich!?
Stampede: omfg We have way too many villains guys! We should throw a party for them and make some friends.
Lupine: ::kicks Stampede:: Shut up! We are pirates. Villains are norm.
Scruffy: Except those land crawling piranhas. They were no fun nor normal.
That Krazy Dude : Love lift us up where we belong Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high Love lift us up where we belong Far from the world we know Up where the clear winds blow
Stampede: No they aren't, we are villains sort of.
Lupine: Are we, Stampede? We save the world enough times.
Scruffy: We're not villains. We're just different.
Lupine: If anything, we are heroes in a world of villains.
Stampede: And fuck that, we can't even keep track of our enemies! That's a problem.
Krazy: Actually we can. We have a wiki full of villains.
Scruffy: I do, in this here little notebook. Its pink cover is deceiving to the truth.
*That night, at the secret lair of the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy.*
Grand Shadowy Mystery Villain: No matter, Cloak 2. Mr. T will be ours in due time. In the meantime, our experiments will continue to bring us towards our ultimate goal...
Morgan Freeman: Well it seems the crew has a new mystery on its hands! What is the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy and what is its secret agenda? Tune in to stand a chance of finding the answers!
*Cheesy ending credits.*
Krazy Dude: My nuts itch (pulls out two acorns and scratches them)
Week Two: The Flames of the Sun Within
by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, No Name, Edwin and Curry on March 5, 2007
No Name: And this is what I have to say! *grabs wine bottles and cracks against head* The blood gives it an extra zest.
Morgan Freeman: When we last left off, the GCPA had adopted a mysterious new crewmate, Babyface McTraitorpants, who is perfect in every way! Additionally, they confronted agents of the mysterious Bronze Cobra Conspiracy and discovered that one of the agents was someone who was once among their most trusted allies- Greco.
No Name: *Powerpuff theme song plays* Blossom, commander and the leader. Bubbles..she gots the...nuh nah nah....eh.
Morgan Freeman: The GCPA have decided to investigate Greco's home for clues and cut off No Name's narration.
Lupine: ::kicks No Name for bringing up Powerpuff:: For shame.
Edwin: Powerpuffs are chill.
Lupine: Holy hell! When'd Edwin get here?
No Name: He was always here.
Edwin: I'm always there, even when you think I'm not.
That Krazy Dude: I miss the sandwich from the first story...
No Name: *wakes up from long ass nap*
Greco the Younger: I challenge you with the heart of the cards!
No Name: !
Darth Curry: How many Grecos are there?
Lupine: Go No Name!
No Name: Am I ready... ?
Lupine: ::hands No Name his own deck:: Use it well. It's served me well.
No Name: Wait who's dueling this chump?
Lupine: Yea Que Pasa, who?
That Krazy Dude: I will take the challenge.
Que Pasa: I think the other crewmates beat the crap out of him and tied him to that tree while you guys were talking.
That Krazy Dude: ...
No Name: Oh.
That Krazy Dude: Dammit! This was supposed to be the dramatic showdown...
Darth Curry: I feel like I'm in a porno chat and no one cares for me =[
Lupine: Crap.
That Krazy Dude: I'm hungry.
No Name: Weird place. *looks at family photos* All these people look like Greco only with a girly wig or mustache.
Darth Curry: Everything is all about Edwin!
That Krazy Dude: Hey, everybody loves Edwin! Which is why he's getting a sitcom to himself next month.
Que Pasa: *opens hidden panel and finds a room of comics*
No Name: Spider-Man, as far as the eye can see.
Lupine: And Civil War.
That Krazy Dude: Give me some! I'll sell them on eBay and use the money to buy a new scooter even though there never really was a scooter. Just a rock with a board on it with a baseball bat taped vertically to the front. Never liked that scooter that much.
Que Pasa: What is this place?!
Lupine: I dunno.
No Name: A demented man's play pen.
Lupine: ::looks at sign saying evil lab:: Nah, can't be that!
*Suddenly the group confronts a burly, red-bearded man.*
No Name: !
Que Pasa: Who are you?
Meyer: The name's Agent Meyer, secret agent.
No Name: Not to be confused with officer, who is a CIA.
Lupine: So what division do you work in? Navy, here to arrest us? Hmmm? ::Stares::
Agent Meyer: I work for the only division not involved in arresting pirates - Agriculture.
No Name: Ah but in a way don't you arrest our nutrition?
Lupine: Ahh of course!
That Krazy Dude: Hey when did that floating head get here? And why is the room all black?
Agent Meyer: Naturally I have been assigned to investigate this mysterious conspiracy due to the massive threat it poses to the world's agriculture.
Lupine: How do they threaten that after all?
Que Pasa: What do you know about Greco?
Lupine: All they've done so far is attack a group of idiot pirates who manage to have the devil's luck with getting critical hits.
Agent Meyer: Meet me in the place that has no darkness, and I'll tell you more.
*Agent Meyer begins to walk away, but Que Pasa turns on the light.*
Agent Meyer: Hm, this is well-lit enough I guess. Carry on!
That Krazy Dude: Hey Meyer, is that my 1984 book?
Meyer: ...
No Name: *topples over comic book shelf*
That Krazy Dude: *burns book*
No Name: *grabs Meyer by collar* TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW! *kicks comic book shelves*
That Krazy Dude: Yea tell us what you know!!!!
Agent Meyer: Don't you manhandle me, you clod! *backhands No Name* Ha, the real me would be arrested for that.
Lupine: RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!
That Krazy Dude: *calmly walks to a book and kicks it* *glares intimidatingly*
Agent Meyer: As I was saying, The Bronze Cobra Conspiracy is a mysterious shadowy organization.
Lupine: We already knew that! What are their goals ::grabs camera:: Tell us or the camera gets it.
That Krazy Dude: NO! NOT THE CAMERA!! I WANNA MAJOR IN FILM!!!!! *tackles Lupine*
Lupine: ::hits ground and the camera is shattered from force of the impact::
That Krazy Dude: NOOOOO!!!!
Lupine: ::looks up at Krazy::
That Krazy Dude: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?!?
No Name: *looks upon with intrigue*
Agent Meyer: Its members have been experimenting in genetics through legal and illegal methods, and genetically enhancing themselves with superpowers.
No Name: When will mankind learn to not play God?
Agent Meyer: They seem to be building up towards one master goal. But we don't know what yet.
Lupine: Wait, what powers do they have? ::tries to ignore Krazy and his rage::
No Name: Bubble transformation, Lupine! C'mon.
Lupine: But-
No Name: Pay attention.
Lupine: Isn't that useless?
Agent Meyer: As you saw, Greco had flame powers.
Lupine: I mean, really.
No Name: Wait...flame powers - like Cap'n!
Lupine: I thought he just ran into my flames. Hmm, you're right No Name.
That Krazy Dude: Perhaps each individual has his own powers.
Scruffy: Poncho.
Lupine: Meyer, do they have say our DNA on record?
Agent Meyer: We don't know much yet.
Lupine: Guys if they do, we may very well be facing a smarter batch of Bizarros.
That Krazy Dude: ...Do any of us have bubble powers?
Captain Scruffy: *drops out of ventilation system* Yummy, thanks for the empanada Edwin. Wait, so he did have my powers?
Lupine: Bubble powers?
Agent Meyer: We're planning to send an inside man to spy on them and find their true inner workings. The only reason I'm telling you instead of wiping your memories is to warn you. Whatever plans they have involve your crew in some way.
Scruffy: Can I be the inside man?
That Krazy Dude: Does that mean we're popular!?
Lupine: Wow we are special! Maybe now I'll be able to get a date. So what No Name tells me is all lies, I'm actually part of sometime special? [Editor's Note: No one had the heart to break the truth to him]
Scruffy: So... can I be the inside man?
Agent Meyer: If you wish. You will have to pass several trials.
Lupine: Oooh, Can I make the trials? I got some great ideas. [Editor's Note: Actually taken from an episode of Angel of all things]
Agent Meyer: Fine, whatever.
Scruffy: ... I fear the worst, but I guess I gotta be prepared for anything.
No Name: Wait you're the inside man.
Scruffy: I am now I guess. Shoot what you got at me
Lupine: Yay! Okay. First...
No Name: Why would Lupine make the course...
Lupine: You must battle him!
Agent Meyer: ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THIS!! (morphs into Hulk Hogan and leaps on Scruffy)
Scruffy: And about to be trained by foolish tests.
Lupine: ::points to Meyer::
Scruffy: Oh crap.
Lupine: You must fight him until that gate opens. ::points to gate::
Darth Curry: FINE! I'm leaving!
Scruffy: *tackled and pin to floor*
*The wrestling ring emerges from ground*
Scruffy: ....Help here. Aw crud, cage match?
Que Pasa: I have a feeling that Dartrh Curry is building up to some grand villainous appearance.
Lupine: After that you must walk across thousands of HIV-riddled needles to a door with the key in a vat of sulfuric acid and must get the key.
No Name: Okay, that's a little too dark for the GCPA.
Scruffy: *throws fire ball launching Meyer into middle of air, then rolls out of way as he falls*
Darth Curry: YO I SWEAR! WATCH...I'M GONNA COME BACK.....AND YOU'RE GONNA REGRET IT......watch yourself No Name......watch yourself!
Scruffy: *gets up and takes out a monkey, lights it on fire, and has it hug Meyer until he falls down form being prolonged exposure to flames*
Agent Meyer: Okay you pass the test.
Scruffy: Except for me breaking my arm in the pin... that wasn't too bad!
No Name: NO! Cap'n! You can't hit Hulk Hogan. He's the embodiment of America!
Scruffy: I just did. He's there.
Lupine: Now stage two! That was just the test of strength. He must pass a test of knowledge.
Scruffy: *in anaphylactic shock on the floor* If it's on Algebra, I failed.
Shenoda: Abramz, you no do homvork, you get 50 on test!
No Name: We're doomed.
Agent Meyer: (sighs)
Lupine: Meh, actually Meyer it's your show. Do what you will. I'm gonna sit down and have some soda.
Scruffy: Can I have some?
Darth Curry: NO NAME! WATCH YOURSELF!....I'm saying...watch yo self..........
No Name: Pay attention!
Scruffy: Hey, can Curry be my other assistant agent?
No Name: What's a curry?
Scruffy: He's the Indian dude that was threatening to kill you.
That Krazy Dude: Am I a curry?
Agent Meyer: For this test you must hunt down Darth Curry and steal his lucky four-leaf clover.
Scruffy: But I have my own.
Lupine: ::steals it:: Now you don't. Listen to the large man.
Scruffy: Or me. I'm not too sure. Okay, okay. *walks up to Curry* Yo, lend me your clover for a sec.
Lupine: Hey Cap'n! ::tosses him some special soda from own kitchen:: Use it well, kid!
Scruffy: Thanks. *opens one up and it explodes* Ouch.
That Krazy Dude: That's using your head!
Que Pasa: *Analyzes the special soda and finds it contains 99.99 percent steroids*
Lupine: How do you think my kicks are strong? I'm always caffeinated.
That Krazy Dude: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Scruffy: So Curry, can I get your clover?
That Krazy Dude: ... He's deciding.
Que Pasa: He must be having intense inner conflict.
No Name: He was never too good with sharing... I remember that time...
*Back when Curry was Patten McGroin, Patten tries to assassinate Scruffy.*
No Name: Hey Patten let me borrow your gun!
That Krazy Dude: To get to the other side!
Patten McGroin: NEVER NO NAME!
*End flashback.*
Darth Curry: *gives clover*
Scruffy: Awesome! Here. The clover, as requested.
No Name: What's so special about this clover?
Agent Meyer: Excellent! Only the smartest man in the world could have pulled off such a feat!
Scruffy: Next test!
Agent Meyer: Now for the last and most difficult test of all - the test of CHILDBIRTH! (presses magic button, and Scruffy goes into labor)
No Name: omg! Couldn't you just let him have pee'd out a kidney stone!
Lupine: Wait a second, how does that help you infiltrate a secret organization?
The Guz: (smites Lupine) Stop trying to make sense, Lupine.
No Name: In order to give up life, one must learn to give it!
The Guz: God! ::flicks hair::
That Krazy Dude: ... *flips hair*
Scruffy: .... This is quite disturbing.
Que Pasa: PUSH! PUSH!
Darth Curry: BA BOOMP!
That Krazy Dude: You can do it Scruffy! I can't believe I'm gonna be an uncle!
Lupine: I believe in you! Wait a second... who's the father?
No Name: *holds captains hand*
Scruffy: *takes out syringe* *injects himself with testosterone, taking away symptoms of labor* Thank you House!
*Mr. Noble appears and pulls No Name into the shadows.*
No Name: What...where am I?
Darth Curry: I'm confused... *Curry slap attack*
Scruffy: So now that I've passed said 3 tests, can I get a mission?
Edwin: 3!
Lupine: Oh god no!
Scruffy: And can the Indian Skinhead come along?
Agent Meyer: Yes.
Scruffy: Woo! Suit up, Curry. We're going to Cambodia after all.
Lupine: Hey Meyer, then what do we do?
That Krazy Dude: Orange you glad I didn't say banana? You know guys ...having a pirate ship and all....have we ever made someone walk the plank?
Scruffy: Once. You might not remember, you were all asleep.
Que Pasa: Hey, where's Babyface? (peeks into the cabin and sees him asleep on couch) Aw, he must have drank too much at the party. He's looks so peaceful and not like a traitor...
Lupine: ::sits and starts flipping through mag::
Agent Meyer: I will provide you two with your fake IDs. You will have to be separated from the rest of the crew and be in danger at nearly every moment.
Scruffy: But I made the Dean of Rutgers walk the plank cause he wouldn't stop sending me letters.
Agent Meyer: I DON'T CARE!
Scruffy: Okay, okay. So... do we get those nifty goggles with infra, night, thermal, etc. vision?
That Krazy Dude: Oh what's etc. vision!? I wanna know.
Agent Meyer: I'll send you off on your mission by the next episode. I've stayed here too long - (looks out window) HIT THE DECK!
*A missile hits the wall and a group of ninjas enter.*
Darth Curry: I was napping. *suits up* GO GADGET CURRY!
*The ninjas quickly dump gasoline all over and drop a lit match, setting the house on fire.*
Lupine: Damn ninjas! Aquas- No! ::tries to cast water but a ninja knocks him out::
Que Pasa: You wanna dance eh? (kicks a ninja through eight flaming walls)
That Krazy Dude: Damn I forgot my bucket at home!
Scruffy: Not again. Everyone, take evasive action *sigh* again.
Que Pasa: OH NO! (the fire reaches the comic book pile and erupts supernova-like)
That Krazy Dude: NO!!! MY EBAY GOLD!!!
Scruffy: Abandon house.
Darth Curry: Ey yo Scruff, wizzle dizzle pink shinkle!
That Krazy Dude: *rolls Lupine's body under a chair* ...wha?
Scruffy: *hit with a volleyball*
Darth Curry: GO DANCE THE DANCE OF THE DISCO DANCING DANCERS!!!!!
No Name: *still MIA*
Darth Curry: Scruff....RUN !! No Curry, ride boy! Ride!
Lupine: ::under burning chair::
That Krazy Dude: Guys! Where's No Name!?!?!?
Darth Curry: LET'S RIDE! *kick starts*
That Krazy Dude: *looks toward Lupine* Oh my god!
Que Pasa: *finds a stable of horses in the garage*
That Krazy Dude: *runs toward chair to find another sandwich like the one from the last episode on top of the chair* Mmmm nice and toasty!
Hallucination of No Name: Talk about horsepower!
Darth Curry: *rim shot*!
*Everyone mounts the horses and starts riding out of the flaming house which is bigger than it looks, while the ninjas chase them on flying manta rays.*
That Krazy Dude: *throws Lupine on horse* Guess I'll have to handle this! *rides like the wind*
Lupine: ::comes to:: Ugh! Yo Krazy what's going on?
That Krazy Dude: If you grab onto me while I'm riding this thing I'll kick you off! Even if you're losing balance!
Lupine: Uh okay.
Darth Curry: *rides back for 1 last thing* : ... ...
*Captain Scruffy and Curry look at each other, shake heads, and do what they do best.*
Darth Curry: ...
Que Pasa: NO CURRY IT'S NOT WORTH IT!
Darth Curry: Yeah I realized I forgot the captain.
Lupine: No! Cap'n!!!!
Que Pasa: THAT'S WORTH IT!
Scruffy: Say your line!
Darth Curry: Ey yo.....LET'S RIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!! *kick starts*
Scruffy: Alright! *Mounts horse*
Lupine: ::looks at the fire and sees explosion:: Cap'n!!!
Scruffy: *lights himself on fire, and horse too* Giddiya! *The horse dies.* Oh man, that worked out differently in my head.
Que Pasa: SOMEBODY SAVE MY BABY!
*Curry and Cap'n ride out of the burning house in style. Somehow Curry got a motorcycle.*
That Krazy Dude: ...
Scruffy: Oh well. *runs away*
Darth Curry: You mean rides away. It's cuz I'm Ghost Rider.
*The ship starts to take off and drops the anchor for the pirates to climb aboard. Babyface McTraitorpants is steering.*
Que Pasa: That McTraitorpants is really some kinda guy!
Hallucination of No Name: His horse is dead.
Darth Curry: NO!....He rides out!
That Krazy Dude: Where's No Name!?!?!? I've kinda pointed this out earlier, but still. Just putting that thought out there again.
*Elsewhere, Noble has No Name chained in a dungeon.*
No Name: You know, I had a dream like this. Only you were Miss October from Playboy.
Mr. Noble: Silence, you cad! So No Name, your joining NHS, aren't you?
No Name: Yelp!
*While all this is going on...Curry continues riding and runs in to Currya McNicebodee. He takes her with him and he shows her the best ride of her life*
Que Pasa: Oh man you sly supervillain!
That Krazy Dude: This sandwich is nice and warm. Mmm... shit I forgot the mayo again! *looks over to condiment section of ship in fear*
Babyface McTraitorpants: (holds up bottle of mayo) Here! I made it myself!
That Krazy Dude: Oh thanks!
No Name: That Babyface.
*That Krazy Dude hugs Babyface. During their hug, McTraitorpants puts a label saying "Mayonnaise" over the label with a skull and crossbones on it,*
*Sensei pops out and implants a chip on someone's head*
Sensei: Now you will be mine, muwahaha!
*Curry approaches Krazy Dude.*
Darth Curry: NO KRAZY! I have to save you... and help you. Because there's something you don't know about us and me and you. Your mother had 2 sons...she threw one away....he got laid...the chickadee he baboomed!... had a brother who had a father who had a sister who had a daughter who had a friend who had a college roommate who had a taxi driver who had a son who had an uncle who had a son...and that was me.
That Krazy Dude: !!!!!!!
Darth Curry: You're my distant non-related acquaintance!!!!
*Curry leaves Krazy Dude to process the information and returns to pleasing Currya McNicebody.*
Morgan Freeman: The mystery has deepened! No Name has gone missing! Sensei is up to some weird crap! What has the world come to? Find out next time!
Week Three: March of the Antelopes
by Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, No Name and Jebus on March 30, 2007
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: So um, why is so much of the crew missing?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Penis Convention. No joke.. -Points to posters all over advertising it-
Que Pasa: Cap'n Scruffy and Curry have left to infiltrate the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::looks around and sees tumble weed::
Que Pasa: Now only me, you, Jebus and Babyface McTraitorpants and maybe some other crewmates are tracking down No Name Someone has to stop slipping amnesia juice into your drinks Lupine.
Grand Admiral Jebus: We are? -whistles-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Hmm...
*Elsewhere, No Name is strapped shirtless to a table with various electrical prongs hooked up to his body while Noble monitors him.*
Noble: How much do you know?
No Name: ...Eh, you'll never get it out of me alive copper!
Noble: ...Wrong answer. (turns dial, causing No Name to experience intense electrical shocks)
No Name: FOUR FOUR...FIVE I DON'T KNOW! *starts crying* What do you want me to say? *sobs*
Noble: Tell me everything you and your friends know about the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy! (increases intensity of shocks)
No Name: GAAAAH! I don't know HONESTLY!
*Elsewhere, the other pirates continue their investigation.*
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::hums Scooby-Doo theme song:: Jinkies guys, I think I just found a clue!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Hmm.
Que Pasa: SHUT UP IT'S MY CLUE!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ...
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::is tackled by Que Pasa::
Que Pasa: This is clearly No Name's ascot that he always wears. We can use this to track him!
Grand Admiral Jebus: -pulls out shottie and cocks it- Lets go round up a mystery boys! YEEE HAW!
Que Pasa: *corners Scooby-Doo, wrestles him to the ground and bites a chunk of his flesh off*
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Unloads six shells into Scooby without warning-
Scooby Doo: ROOBY ROOBY OHHH!
Que Pasa: (licks lips) Nothing like the smell of dog flesh in the morning.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I know, give me a minute to use my now rarely used skill! Summon!!!! :: summons Jackie Chan on a leash:: Okay now Pasa, give him the scent! And we'll find him.
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Hmm.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: (looks up and sees what the others have been doing) Scooby?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Jackie Chan is dangerous, Lupine..
Que Pasa: *stuffs ascot down Jackie Chan's throat, choking him* That's where people smell things, right?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Remember he fought in the greatest of duels. The ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny..
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: There were good guys and bad guys, also explosions.
Grand Admiral Jebus: And Benito Mussolini.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::notices Jackie Chan turning purple:: Um Pasa, what'd you do?
Que Pasa: I gave him the ascot!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Where?
Que Pasa: In that tube thingy beneath his head.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Should I put him out of his misery.. I mean.. he is suffering.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Jebus, do it for all our sakes :: summons a BFG:: Use this!
Que Pasa: *notices Jackie turning purple* HE'S BECOME A MARTIAN, HIDE!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::jumps into ocean::
Grand Admiral Jebus: -takes BFG and lets out a tear before he obliterates Jackie; All that remains is the ascot, and a Swedish penis enlarger- Crisis over!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I always knew it! He was Swedish!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Yeah.. we'll go with that.
That Krazy Dude: *picks up penis enlarger* In the end...aren't we all a Swedish race...I like to call...the human race? I'll keep this penis enlarger...it might come in handy.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Good thinking Krazy! Convenient.
Que Pasa: Looks like No Name's being held at Noble's dungeon, according to this tracking device I planted on him
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Hey Pasa, why'd you do that?
Que Pasa: Do what?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Wait! The question here is, where is it on him?
Que Pasa: In his pants.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: 0_0
Que Pasa: The tracking devices enter via toilet seats. And people thought you could only get dangerous diseases from those!
Krazy: That's how Elvis died.
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Do I have one?
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: How many have you planted?
Que Pasa: One for every Pokemon.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: 400!!!!
Que Pasa: NO! 493!
Grand Admiral Jebus: So guys. I have a plan. A serious plan!
Krazy: Oh man!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Yes. A get rich scheme. And a way to be heroes! So.. who's in?
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: But aren't we fighting an evil conspiracy?
Grand Admiral Jebus: No!
Prerecording of No Name's Voice: ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE CHALLENGE! POKEMON! DO YOU HAVE THE SKILLS TO BE NUMBER ONE! YEAH! WE ALL LIVE IN A POKEMON WORLD, POKEMON!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ...looking for our missing crewmates..
Grand Admiral Jebus: Meh. Well. If we follow our plan we will have like thousands of other guys! Then if we have time we can save them too!
Babyface McTraitorpants: Did you say that Noble has No Name? Then we must stop him as soon as possible! He'll ruin everything!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: What do you mean "ruin everything"?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Thats almost sounds traitorous.. Almost.. possibly..
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: But McTraitorpants'd never be like that. He's our hero.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Yeah, you're right.
Babyface McTraitorpants: He could... ruin...No Name's athletic build... which is like everything to any freedom-loving pirate!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Oh Babyface... always looking out for us!
Krazy: He's right! That baby!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Well.. Here's the deal. We will use our new allies to kill the infidel...- Save the crew!
*The pirates grab torches and pitchforks and rush towards Noble's home.*
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I have a score to settle!!!! ::lights fireball::
Grand Admiral Jebus: Wait! No! Don't attack yet!
*Noble sees on the computer monitor.*
Noble: Looks like your friends are paying a visit. I'll have to deploy my bodyguards. (presses red button)
Grand Admiral Jebus: We need some crazy plan. And dramatic entrance.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I got one.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Shoot.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::pulls boombox as it plays "Here I Am", then makes an earthquake for each of their footsteps ::
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... -Blows up boombox with his mind- Bad idea.
Que Pasa: *backhands Lupine* Only Vorpal can pull that off!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::blocks and slaps Que Pasa:: Looks like the shoe is on the other ear.
Que Pasa: Don't you dare talk back to me! *continues backhanding Lupine until he cries*
Grand Admiral Jebus: Hmm.. -Straps a bomb to Lupine- They taught me this in Iran! Now just run in.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Sweatdrop >_>
Grand Admiral Jebus: ...
*Noble's bodyguard hatch opens; Will Farrell and Jon Heder ride out on skates wielding katanas.*
Grand Admiral Jebus: ! -MGS alert sound-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I hate you Heder!!!!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Go Lupine! Blow them up! 72 Virgins! Or Virginians.. Whichever!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::runs in and switches the bomb onto Farrell::
Grand Admiral Jebus: Damnit..
Que Pasa: *eats the bomb, then uses a neck pinch to knock out Farrell and Heder*
Grand Admiral Jebus: Huh..
Farrell: SHAKE AND BAKE!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Well..
Que Pasa: That was pretty easy. Once the brainwashing wears off they shoul- (giant explosion)
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Shit.
*Noble leaps up and, wearing Jon Heder and WIll Farrell as human skates, skates towards the pirates. He holds a bazooka in each hand.*
Noble: It's time you kids pulled a Romeo and Juliet and all dropped dead!
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Pulls out a spray bottle with John Paul II giving the thumbs up- The power of Christ compels you! -and sprays Que Pasa with it- Lupine, throw hot coffee at his crotch!
Que Pasa: *rises and gives a thumbs-up*
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Kicks Lupine- Damn it stop looking at your Japanese porn!
Que Pasa: *instantly blown up by a missile from Noble* You don't happen to have more of that spray gun do you?
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: :: jumps in and kicks Noble:: Wah!!!!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Yeah I do.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: This is for all the times you made me cry! :: kicks him in face, gut, neck, spine and crotch at once, suddenly 3 extra legs appear::
Krazy: Stella!
*Lupine's legs become stuck in Noble's stomach and begin sinking in like some kind of strange quicksand*
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Argh!!!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Nooooo!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: :: throws fire balls at Noble's fat::
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Dumps bottle on Que Pasa's smoking remains-
Que Pasa: Okay I'm good!
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Pulls out the BFG and blows Que Pasa up for the hell of it-
Que Pasa: QWAAAA!
*Babyface McTraitorpants unhooks No Name from the table*
Babyface: You didn't tell him anything, did you?
No Name: No... no...I didn't.
Babyface: Good boy! (pinches No Name's cheeks)
No Name: *smiles and sings* You are my sunshine...my only sunshine... *tear runs down face* Oh Babyface!
Babyface: Yes, No Name. Yes.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::throws fire at Noble still::
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Sudden urge to blow up No Name..-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: HELP!!!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Lupine... I have a problem here. Well.. I can blow him up! Bad news is you go boom boom also.. Wait!
Krazy: BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. I want you in my room!
*Babyface and No Name set up a tripwire that trips Noble, knocking him off of Jon Heder and Will Farrell*
Grand Admiral Jebus: Lupine Summon MICHAEL JACKSON!
Noble: GRRAWR!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I can't do that, Jebus.
Grand Admiral Jebus: You must!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: It's the one thing I swore never to do!
No Name: The bigger they are...the same force gravity attracts them with.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Pasa any ideas?
Que Pasa: *is back in limbo*
Grand Admiral Jebus: He can make more Jesus Juice so I can revive Que Pasa..
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Fine! :: summons MJ::
Grim Reaper: Que Pasa you've got to beat me in limbo in order to escape limbo.
*Hermes from Futurama appears*
Hermes: This is for the boy who's limboing in heaven!
Que Pasa: Okay that's enough outside references!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Wait! One more reference... Giggity giggity giggity!
No Name: It appears the crew is in a quagmire... oh yeah! Reference and big word! (collects high-fives)
-MJ does some dances, crotch grabs and some freeky noises before he hands Jebus a new bottle of Jesus Juice and prances off to Neverland...Ranch-
Grand Admiral Jebus: -sprinkles the creamy Jesus Juice on Que Pasa- THE POWA O CHRIST COMPELLLS YOU MY SON! NOW RISE! -He says this in the most soulful voice possible-
Que Pasa: *rises and does a jig*
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::still stuck in Noble with no change and starts watching Robin Williams live on Broadway::
Grand Admiral Jebus: Okay. Good. No more boom boom. So... What do we do?
Que Pasa: That's a god question, and one not easily answered I assure you!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Hey God... it's Jebus... I know it's been a while, but are you there?
Que Pasa: Hang on, I have a plan!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Oh. Okay.
Que Pasa: *hooks up a fire hose attachment to Millennium Nose and spays at high pressure, washing Noble away like bad ooze in Super Mario Sunshine.*
No Name: Job well done!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Just goes to show that we don't need that long bearded hobo up there!
No Name: Also, guys...does God let you have sex in Heaven?
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Oh yeah.
No Name: I mean, can you sin in Heaven once you're up there?
Grand Admiral Jebus: ...
Que Pasa: Maybe they've got things even better than sex there. It's Heaven after all.
No Name: ... *slaps Que Pasa* You're delirious!
Que Pasa: Good to have you back, No Name.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Well. I have 26 kids. So yeah!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: No Name. There are things better than sex.
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... -Slaps Lupine- YOU SHUT UP!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::slaps him back with a horse shoe!::
No Name: Mhm. Like what, Lupine? MASTURBATING BY YOURSELF!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: There are better things.
No Name: LOSER!
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Cocks shotgun- Go on, tell me what's better.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: How often have you been laid huh? SO SHUT UP!
No Name: Oh man!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: VIRGIN! (Editor's Note: The pot calling the kettle black)
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Shoots Lupine in the face and whistles-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::falls in pain:: Mah fabe!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ...
Que Pasa: He did it! (points to Will Farrell, who is passed out on the ground and foaming from the mouth)
Grand Admiral Jebus: Good job guys! No casualties either! -shoots a few more rounds into Lupine for good measure-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::lies motionless::
Que Pasa: I think the captain would be proud if he were here today!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Me too. Too bad. He sure would like a BFG.
Que Pasa: At least we have people like Babyface McTraitorpants to fill in that void.
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Nods- Without him we would fall apart..
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: :: manages to moan out words:: He's...my...hero....
No Name: Yeah.
Grand Admiral Jebus: So.. There's now four of us. We kinda need some more crew members.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I'm...not....dead....yet...
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Drops a frag grenade on Lupine and dives for cover-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Ba...re....ly...al...ive... he...lp
*That Krazy Dude suddenly starts gagging and collapses.*
Babyface McTraitorpants: (drags Krazy to medical bay) He must have had some bad mayonnaise...
Que Pasa: That seems awful suspicious. That Krazy Dude always checks mayonnaise for poisons... unless it's given by another member of the crew! (looks suspiciously at everyone who isn't Babyface)
No Name: DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT QUE PASA!
Grand Admiral Jebus: It was probably Lupine! He is the cook after all...
No Name: What are you accusing me of, huh?
Que Pasa: THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE CONFESSION OF A GUILTY MAN!
No Name: Really.
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Shifty eyes-
No Name: It would sound like a guilty man to blame another!
Que Pasa: ...I'll be keeping an eye on you, Name.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Yo...are....tea....ring.....us....ap...a...rt.
Que Pasa: Just bring him back to life already, his dying ellipses are getting annoying.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Fine fine fine.. -Drops some Jesus Juice on him- Live my child!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I...can....stop...talking...like...Cap'n...Kirk!
Grand Admiral Jebus: I'll kill you!
*Elsewhere, Noble enters a rundown hut. A figure steps out from the shadows to meet with him. It is Saget.*
Saget: Mission report.
Noble: I'm sorry, master. I was unable to get any information out of my captive.
Saget: Then you will be summarily punished. (transforms arms into whip-like tentacles... or tentacle-like whips)
Morgan Freeman: Uh-oh! Krazy's in trouble! And looks like Saget is up to something! But what does all of this have to do with the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy? And what is their ultimate purpose? Who's the mystery traitor? How are Scruffy and Curry doing in the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy? What other questions could I ask to sum up the events of this episode while setting the stage for future episodes? Could Babyface BE anymore perfect? Find out.. next time! Same GCPA time, same GCPA place, same GCPA pudding!
On the next episode of Dragon Ball Z: Goku has been powering up for 5 episodes but...WHAT'S this! He seems to have suffered a hemorrhage! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!
Mac: Okay, that's a wrap!
Cosby:: Do whap doo whap shaboom boom cya!
Week Four: Que Pasa's Quest
by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, Jebus and introducing White Panther on April 24, 2007
Morgan Freeman: Wow, Scruffy and Darth Curry have infiltrated the GCPA! His pirates are still up to wackiness! Krazy Dude's mayo was poisoned! And Babyface McTraitorpants is as not-traitorous as can be!
That Krazy Dude: *twitch*
White Panther: (short blonde female) Why am I here? *was never invited to join the mysterious pirate gang*
Morgan Freeman: You're a special guest star.
White Panther: Sweet!
Morgan Freeman: Now we begin!
Que Pasa: Guys we MUST travel to Idej Volcano Mountain and discover the secrets of my past.
That Krazy Dude: *twitch*
Jebus: You have a past first mate?
That Krazy Dude: No more..mayo...please
Jebus: I figure you were just always here..
Que Pasa: Apparently, I thought I just came into existence at one point.
Jebus: Hmm.. how secretive..
That Krazy Dude: *spasm*
White Panther: *mroww*
Captain Scruffy: *poncho*
Jebus: *fizzle..?*
White Panther: *looks at Que Pasa waiting for continuation-sound*
Que Pasa: (on fire) AUGHHHH!!!!
Captain Scruffy: Like a monkey!
Jebus: Shut up!
*Then, SHADE appears!*
Shade: I have been sent by people who want you dead!
Captain Scruffy: *cries in corner*
Jebus: -smacks Scruffy with rifle butt-
*Shade starts to do a ballet dance and kicks No Name in the face.*
White Panther: Is No Name even here?
That Krazy Dude: (no)
Captain Scruffy: Poo!
Que Pasa: Make it Lupine.
That Krazy Dude: (awesome)
Jebus: -gasps-
Captain Scruffy: Jaundicing!
Que Pasa: That Krazy Dude, I choose you! (tosses Krazy Dude at Shade)
That Krazy Dude: *twitch*
Captain Scruffy: That sucks. *wears an "I <3 Liver!" shirt
That Krazy Dude: *crash*
Jebus: -paces for a few moments before he turns back to the pirates goofing off, then he fired a shotgun shell off at them- Form up!
White Panther: o__O
Que Pasa: Hey Captain, aren't you supposed to be in the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy's HQ with Curry?
Captain Scruffy: 0__o Haha inverse! (vanishes)
That Krazy Dude: *lays on the floor spasming*
Que Pasa: What's up with that?
White Panther: Should someone help That Krazy Dude, or are we just gonna let him spaz?
Jebus: -blinks- Oh yeah.. not with my Jihad Squad huh.. Well, we could help him but what use is it, he wont learn his lesson!
Que Pasa: Good point, Mr. Jebus.
White Panther: Aah good point!
*Shade begins ice-skating, but falls through the ice when it shatters and lands in the lava below*
That Krazy Dude: Never...eat...mayo......again... *twitch*
White Panther: I hate mayo.
Jebus: Cinco de mayo..
That Krazy Dude: Tastes...good on...chicken...sandwiches...
Jebus: {Someone say this is madness..}
That Krazy Dude: This...is...mad......cream cheese...
Babyface McTraitorpants: Only one of you guys could have tampered with his mayonnaise...
Jebus: Well if I put my money on it.. Lupine. I always see him hunching over the mayo looking like he was beating something up.
Que Pasa: That wasn't mayo.
Jebus: ...
White Panther: Oh my...
That Krazy Dude: ...
Jebus: Then why did he have mayo jars?
That Krazy Dude: ...sick...
Jebus: Ohh.. wow..
White Panther: Oh God...
Jebus: Umm..
White Panther: This is awkward. >__>
Jebus: Jebu.. ME! He has been the chef since the beginning..
That Krazy Dude: He's...probably going...to return in...a couple...minutes...and say..."you guys suck". Talking...while using...ellipses...is very annoying...
Jebus: First mate.. should I put him outta his misery?
That Krazy Dude: ...fuck...
Que Pasa: Something like that.
Jebus: -Cocks shotgun-
That Krazy Dude: ...fuck...again...
Jebus: Sorry Old Yeller.. -Shoots all the shells. but misses every time- ... ... ... ...fuck...
That Krazy Dude: ...Wow...Your aim...sucks...
Jebus: ...
Que Pasa: Why don't we attack this random Bronze Cobra compound?
Jebus: -cries in a corner-
White Panther: *is a bit distracted*
Que Pasa: We all are.
*The crew approaches the compound, only to find... it has already been destroyed completely.*
White Panther: And we're also a little late, I'm guessing?
Que Pasa: WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS we were probably gonna do the same anyway but OH THE HUMANUTY!!!
Jebus: WHY GAD WHY?!
White Panther: They beat you to it! *shakes head in disappointment*
Jebus: -Sighs for a moment- There is only one man with a dark past to do this.. -Points at Que Pasa-
White Panther: *le gasp*
Que Pasa: What is this?
Jebus: {madness you bum}
Henry Winker: Eyy, I did it all! (is ignored)
Jebus: Shut it Winker!
Que Pasa: This is a mutiny! I thought I was taking good care of you while the captain's gone?
Jebus: THIS IS TAKEOVER! -Epic kick in the nuts-
White Panther: *shoots self in the arm* x__X
Que Pasa: *AUGH* LIKE I JUST PEED ON AN ELECTRIC SOCKET!
White Panther: That sucks.
Jebus: But you said you had no clue where you are from oh first mate! So you could be shadow-y enough to do such a deed!
Henry Winkler: (sighs and returns to Saget's lair)
White Panther: *nurses arm* Saget has a lair?
Que Pasa: Everyone needs a lair.
White Panther: You make an excellent point.
Jebus: I had one..
Que Pasa: Come on, what do you think I was built by some pink monkey and prophecized to kill my friends?
Jebus: ... Yes.
White Panther: Yes.
Que Pasa: Fine, I'll show you my past! I'll show you everything!
That Krazy Dude: ...
Jebus: ...
That Krazy Dude: *twitch*
Jebus: Its not sexual right?
White Panther: Please refrain from showing us everything?
Que Pasa: Mr. T, set course for Idej Volcano Mountain across the Sea of Fire!
Mr. T: Shut up fool!
Lupine: DON'T CALL ME THAT GOSH! IDIOT! {:-(}
Mr. T: (glares at Lupine)
Lupine: (slowly steps away)
*At Bronze Cobra headquarters, Scruffy and Curry have been implanted into a Cobra unit.*
Shadowy Guy: Alright. Newbies, we're sending you to get this guy. We believe he destroyed one of our bases. (shows picture of Que Pasa; Scruffy and Curry look at each other in worry) Now go out there, kill him and prove your worth!
Scruffy and Curry: Sir yes sir!
*Elsewhere, the Golden Cheesecake has started sailing the sea of fire.*
Jebus: -Ties Que Pasa up to the mast and puts on a captain's hat-
Que Pasa: Hey buuuuuddies don't we have some trust after our past adventures?
Jebus: No! -Shoves a pair of Lupine's undies in Que Pasa's mouth and tapes his mouth shut-
Que Pasa: *starts dying*
Babyface McTraitorpants: (chuckles and shoots a flare gun) Look what Que Pasa did, now all our enemies can find us!
That Krazy Dude: Damn...sucks...more...than my...current issue ... *FUCKING TWITCH*
Jebus: Damn it Que Pasa! What have you done?!
Que Pasa: I DID NOT KILL MY WIFE!
Jebus: ... Dude.. Just.. Dude. no.
White Panther: I'm sorry, I've returned from the great unknown.
Jebus: Newbie go make sure that guy on the floor isn't dead.. and use your magic healing powers of God to fix him.
Que Pasa: Maybe someone can give Krazy Dude a Life Shroom.
That Krazy Dude: Need...a...1up!
Que Pasa: Hey she can be our doctor!
Jebus: Yes! Since I do have Godly powers I am too lazy to use em!
Que Pasa: It beats Lupine's idea of recruiting House.
Jebus: If we recruited House, like, we'd all almost die, get better, almost come closer to death then make a full recovery!
White Panther: *keeps disappearing* *apologizes*
Que Pasa: She's a gecko-woman!
White Panther: o__O
Jebus: -1-Ups Krazy-
That Krazy Dude: *1up sound effect plays* YES! NO MORE ELLIPSES!!!
Jebus: The powa O Christ compels you!
Cloaked Cobra: (leads a Bronze Cobra Squad onto the ship) You'll need it... (pulls out sword) Cuz your lives are about to run out!
White Panther: >_< *holds up shield in the corner*
Jebus: -Shoots a random shotgun shell for the hell of it, effectively hitting that cloaked cobra.- Oops..
*The Bronze Cobra agents, including Scruffy and Curry, rush forward in attack.*
Jebus: Krazy Dude! Do something! -Pulls a Jack Sparrow and hops into the row boat-
That Krazy Dude: *mops the floor; Some of the attackers trip over the suds, others hurtle over mounds of their downed comrades*
Que Pasa: Can someone untie me? We're almost at the volcano!
White Panther: *unties Que Pasa?*
Jebus: -Rows away to the great beyond.. which was about three rows away from the boat before he had become tired-
That Krazy Dude: Hey you, yea you, the ugly one! You have a spot on your shirt!
Random Attacker: Huh? *looks down*
That Krazy Dude: *punches him in the stomach*
Que Pasa: *runs along Bronze Cobra guy heads and then pole-vaults into the volcano.*
That Krazy Dude: I know there's supposed to be some other way to do that, but fuck it.
*The leader of the squad has lost his mask, revealing himself to be Count Gonad.*
White Panther: o__O
Gonad: (to Scruffy and Curry) You! Familiar-looking new guys! Get them!
*Elsewhere, Que Pasa hop-scotches to center of volcano and finds a notebook there.*
Jebus: -hops back onto the boat, sweating and exhausted-
*All of the enemies are gone or unconscious except for two*
Jebus: How convenient..
That Krazy Dude: CAP'N!? ...That other guy?
Scruffy: Yes.
That Krazy Dude: What are you guys doing here?
Curry: We were sent to spy on these guys, remember?
That Krazy Dude: Oh yeah! So what are you gonna do now?
Scruffy: But then we realized... these guys made sense!
That Krazy Dude: What!?
Jebus: Wha..? -Points Shotgun at Scruffy- Don't make me do this man!
Scruffy: Stay away from the Bronze Cobra if you value your lives! This is your only warning!
*Curry emits a smokescreen; when it clears, Scruffy and Curry have disappeared.*
Jebus: Damn it!
White Panther: Hey, did I die?
Jebus: -Points at the doctor in the corner- I figure she passed out..
That Krazy Dude: Ahhh. And luckily Babyface was here to watch our backs!
Que Pasa: *runs back onto the ship.* I wrote my past in the notebook because I kept forgetting.
Jebus: -Snatches the notebook from Que Pasa's hands- Hmm.. seems real...
Que Pasa: Babyface is our guardian angel. Anyway, my mysterious past...
Jebus: Hey Que Pasa.. how did you shoot off that flare anyway?
Que Pasa: I lived a completely normal and uneventful life.
Jebus: -gasp-
Que Pasa: Then I evolved into a radioactive archaeologist at Level 16 and later became Que Pasa after being traded over the Game Link cable with a Steel Coat. Also says that I'm not the traitor, on every other page.
Jebus: Amazing! Yeah, hmm..
That Krazy Dude: Oh sweet!
Jebus: So who else could be a traitor? I doubt Krazy would.
That Krazy Dude: Seeing as how I was spasming for a good hour.
Jebus: And I'm as harmless as a kitten. What about Babyface?
Que Pasa: That's just insane. Well at least we got a new-new crewmate out of this.
White Panther: o__O
Morgan Freeman: Okay, to be continued!
Jebus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO -Shake fists- -waits for laughter & applause-
Captain Scruffy: *laughs*
Lupine: I have returned my children.
That Krazy Dude: Too late asshole.
Morgan Freeman: So some new mysterious have been unveiled and stuff, And my mom's kicking me off the computer! What's going on? Better luck next time!
Jebus: Morgan has a mom?
That Krazy Dude: Yea.
Jebus: No way!
That Krazy Dude: Yep wai.
Captain Scruffy: What?
Jebus: THIS IS MADNESS! ... -Waits for it-
Week Five: Pasta Madness
by Que Pasa, Lupine, No Name and That Krazy Dude (plus some Scruffy) on April 22, 2007
Bronze Cobra Conspiracy Part 4... or maybe 5
No Name: 4.5, to be safe.
*The pirates are... sailing. Que Pasa is boxing with cardboard cut-outs of Edwin and Stampede..*
Morgan Freeman: The pirates sail toward the lair of the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy in an attempt to delve deeper into the mysterious mutiny of their captain and that other guy.
Que Pasa: Actually let's save the initiation for when she is actually here.
That Krazy Dude: Alright.
Lupine: (enters) Sorry I'm late!
Que Pasa: Oh, look who decided to show up.
Lupine: I was playing .hack!
Que Pasa: We just started.
Lupine: Almost beat it.
Que Pasa: ALMOST IS NOT ACCEPTABLE! YOU NEED TO BE PERFECT AND VOMIT OUT EVERYTHING YOU EAT!
Morgan Freeman: So the pirates have received a tip from Agent Meyer about the Bronze Cobra headquarters, and are on their way there now to find the missing Scruffy and Curry. The new crewmate is being held in ice until she's ready to be initiated.
Mall Directory: You Are Here.
That Krazy Dude: So there's a directory for the sea?
Lupine: There's a directory for everything.
No Name: ARG! MY MOM HAS TO USE THE COMP!
That Krazy Dude: Awww... -_-
Que Pasa: :'(
No Name: *slaps Pasa* Don't patronize me!
That Krazy Dude: So what do we do? Postpone it? Or continue with me, you and Marko?
No Name: Go on! Go on without me! I'll be back! Hopefully soon... if my mom doesn't do her bills and what not. (leaps into a wall of fire)
Lupine: He's making the most honorable sacrifice...
Que Pasa: Let's do it!
That Krazy Dude: Yessir.
Lupine: Let's rock this.
*Mr. T is overseeing the pirates' work-out.*
Mr. T: Come on fools, you expect to take on those wacky villains with the garden snakes you call foolin arms?
Lupine: T, how does this help us fight the bronze cobras? :: has feet in watermelons::
That Krazy Dude: I need a workout theme!
*Mr. T opens his mouth and produces the A-Team theme song.*
Lupine: O_O
That Krazy Dude: Perfect. Bring me the nearest boar and I shall fight it!
Lupine: :: opens time warp and produces freshman year Salama::
Que Pasa: I AM the nearest boar! (rushes at Krazy Dude)
Lupine: Awww... :: kicks Salama back::
That Krazy Dude: *dropkicks Que Pasa*
Scruffy: (auto-recording) I remember when I used to call Salama my steed, and I would jump on his back, hang on to his bookbag and he would charge forward.
Que Pasa: *whimpers and crawls into the shadows, then defecates.* Alright crew, my feces tells me we're right on target!
*The ship lands by an IHOP. The pirates all rush in.*
Que Pasa: The hidden entrance should be somewhere nearby.
Lupine: :: charges the kitchen::
That Krazy Dude: Yes! Pancakes for me!
Lupine: Let me make y'all some waffles!
That Krazy Dude: Not from you, from IHOP! ...I enjoy living.
Lupine: ::throws out concrete and rat poison disks:: =D Enjoy! ::force feeds::
That Krazy Dude: *kicks Lupine in the nuts* Feed that! So Que Pasa, shall we follow your nose? Where ever it goes...
*Suddenly the wall is blown down. Henry Winkler, Karl Winslow and Eli Whitney enter... followed by their master, Bob Saget.*
Lupine: o_O
Que Pasa: This can't be good.
That Krazy Dude: Winkler again? And the guy who invented the cotton gin?
Eli Whitney: I also invented the ass-kicking!
Lupine: Hey, Winkler was just in a music video. Pasa, what's the plain?
Que Pasa: We fight?
Lupine: Sounds good. I call the old guy!
Que Pasa: They're all a bit age-worthy.
That Krazy Dude: I'll take the Fonz!
Que Pasa: I guess that leaves me with Winslow.
That Krazy Dude: Enjoy. If I remembered who he is, I may have fought him. But too late!
*Karl Winslow shouts in rage and begins spitting miniature Harriets at Que Pasa.*
*Bob Saget walks past everyone and slips into the shadows.*
*Krazy and the Fonz circle each other intensely*
Lupine: :: pulls out staff:: Bring it you! :: rushes but gets caught in cotton::
Eli: My power is to create cotton out of thin air!
*No Name spots Saget and pursues him, followed by Siren, Stampede, Babyface and any other crewmates that we have.*
Winkler: Sunday, Monday KILL YOU DAYS!
Krazy Dude: You're getting out of a mid-life crisis and belong in a nursing home!
Winkler: 'Eeeyyyyy, that's not cool!
*As Winkler is distracted by the age insult, Krazy Dude slings a bottle of Pine Sol at his face.*
Winkler: My eyes! I can't break jukeboxes without my eyes!
*Que Pasa, instead of dodging, catches as many Harriets in his nose, then starts to spit them back at Winslow. After being hit enough times, Karl Winslow starts to cry, but he then becomes angry and turns red. He grabs Que Pasa by the neck and holds him into the air.*
Karl Winslow: THREE TWO ONE! ONE TWO THREE! WHAT IN THE WORLD... IS BOTHERING ME?!!!
*Que Pasa attempts to kick but cannot harm Winslow's skin which looks like it is made from some kind of alloy.*
Scruffy's Echo: Can't fail... not again... Never again!
Lupine: ::escapes the cotton:: You, of all things. :: kicks Eli in the face to knock off his head:: That was suspiciously easy.
Que Pasa: *switches nose into vacuum mode and sucks up all the random debris in the room, then reverses and fires it all into Karl Winslow's face.*
Karl Winslow: ARGH! (grabs face and doubles over in pain)
Que Pasa: (nose begins glowing) Winslow, I banish you to the Realm of Poor Health Care!
*Karl Winslow tries grabbing onto a table but is sucked into the void, screaming.*
::Eli becomes two people from his left over body and head::
Lupine: ...Crap.
That Krazy Dude: I love chickens!
Winkler: What?
Krazy: One is the loneliest number unless you include yourself in the numeric system.
Winkler: The hell are you talking about?
That Krazy Dude: GIVE ME YOUR DUCATS!
*Winkler's head explodes.*
*Bob Saget pushes a button hidden behind a poster, revealing a hidden staircase. He enters, followed by all of the other pirates.*
Saget: I'm hungry for some answers.
Siren: That's weird, he's usually behind all the evil organizations.
Babyface McTraitorpants: ...
*An alarm begins sounding.*
Babyface McTraitorpants: That sloppy Saget, must have tripped an alarm!
Lupine: :: slashes at the numerous Elis only creating more:: Crap, how am I gonna finish this? KRAZY! A little help?
Que Pasa: Let's lend him a hand.
That Krazy Dude: Do I have to?
Lupine: Just buy me some time! ::runs into the IHOP::
That Krazy Dude: Fine... LIMBO CONTEST!
Lupine: ::limbo music plays::
Que Pasa: *starts sucking up various Eli Whitneys with Millennium Nose's vacuum nose* Where these guys are going, there's no coming back.
That Krazy Dude: Guess that distracted them or something then?
Que Pasa: WHY DON'T I DISTRACT YOUR FACE YOU LITTLE-!
That Krazy Dude: ...
Lupine: ::runs out in an apron saying Kiss the Cook and a chef's hat:: Eli! I know it must be hungry after all that asexual reproduction.
That Krazy Dude: Want a juicebox?
Lupine: After all you are a biological creature! So here, have some of my home cooking before we fight some more.
Eli: Well thank you! ::bites and turns into a black hole::
*In the headquarters, the other pirates round a corner to find a group of Bronze Cobra members, led by Scruffy, fighting off Saget.*
Scruffy: I beat you before and I'll do it again.
Saget: You stupid little kid, you have yet to comprehend my TRUE powers!
*Saget thrusts out a tentacle with a sharp tip that impales an unimportant Conspiracy member.*
Count Gonad: Well, well. My old master.
Bob Saget: Et tu, Gonad?
Count Gonad: You tried to replace me with Krazy Dude. I have devoted myself to your destruction in return.
No Name: Okay. Which of these guys do we fight? They all look like bad guys to me.
Stampede: Dude! It would be mad nice if we got the hell out of here!
Babyface McTraitorpants: Remember everything Saget did to you! The Bronze Cobra Conspiracy can wait! In fact, have Mr. T watch over them.
Siren: Mr. T returned to the ship after we saw Saget, because the world would be destroyed if they were ever in the same room.
Stampede: Luckily today's opposite day for me. *cocks shotgun*
That Krazy Dude: (hehe...cocks)
*The pirates rush in and begin attacking Saget.*
Scruffy: ...I told you guys to stay away from us!
*Bob Saget picks up a random Conspiracy member with his tentacle and eats him.*
Stampede: DUDE!
*Edwin rides by on his skateboard and tries dropping a net on Saget. But Saget quickly tears his way free and chases down Edwin until he crashes.*
Bob Saget: *grabs Edwin and grins* Ah... a fresh soul.
No Name: NOOO!!!!
Agent Meyer: *runs in with a gorilla mask* Stop right there, you!
*No Name rushes forward and begins vigorously attacking Saget with lightsaber, cutting Edwin free.*
Saget: What is this?!
No Name: I will cut down anything that stands in my way!
*Meyer temporarily explodes, returning when he is needed in the plot once more*
Scruffy: (to Bronze Cobra men) Pull back, men! The place will self-destruct in ten minutes. It will dispose of Saget, at least temporarily... and get rid of those pesky pirates.
Curry: Sounds like a plan.
*Scruffy and the other Bronze Cobra members all retreat.*
Bob Saget: GRAGHA!!! (begins whipping his tentacles around furiously like some demented tilt-a-whirl.*
Edwin: Now what are we supposed to do? This isn't some fictional story where the good guys escape in the nick of time in any way at all!
No Name: (slaps Edwin) Don't think such crazy thoughts! We have to find out what Saget knows!
Saget: You stupid pirates! Always ruining everything!
Siren: Shut up! What is the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy up to?
Saget: That's what I'm trying to find out!
Morgan Freeman: Cue dramatic music.
Babyface McTraitorpants: Shut up, you swine! Guys, I'm gonna go warm up the ship. I'll catch up with ya later. ...Also don't listen to his weasel words, he'll try to trap you!
Que Pasa: That Babyface, always making sure our ship is properly prepared.
That Krazy Dude: What a guy!
*The building begins to collapses.*
Stampede: Dude, we gotta get mad the hell out of here!
*The pirates begin running at full speed to get out. Siren's shirt catches on fire, so she tosses it off and continues topless.*
Meyer: Does someone need me to assist in the plot!? *rides in on a golden dolley with a gigantic engine*
Edwin: That could help.
Meyer: Board my steed! Quick!
*The pirates all leap on and take off. The Golden Dolly soon arrives back the the IHOP, where Que Pasa, Lupine and Krazy Dude await doing whatever it is they were doing to Eli Whitney.*
That Krazy Dude: Welcome back guys. Now give me your base. It are belong to me.
Que Pasa: Where's Scruffy?!
No Name: Oh, they all got away and tried to blow us up. Same ol' same ol'.
Que Pasa: Aw well, there's always next time.
That Krazy Dude: Those crazy explosions.
*The pirates walk outside, only to find Babyface McTraitorpants speeding away in their ship.*
Babyface: Seeya later, suckers!
That Krazy Dude: Is it just me, or is that not supposed to happen unless we get betrayed by someone?
Stampede: Dude! We got mad robbed!
Edwin: He'd better be going to get the ship washed.
Lupine: It's Babyface, of course!
That Krazy Dude: Or he'll get a stern talking to.
Que Pasa: But Babyface is a saint!
Siren: Wait... Mr. T is on the ship too...
*On the ship, Mr. T is unconscious and kept within a giant sack.*
Babyface McTraitorpants: Good thing I watched those old A-Team episodes. Who knew that all it took to knock out one of the world's greatest beings was some drugs in his milk?
*Babyface McTraitorpants arrives at the NEW Bronze Cobra Headquarters and enters the Inner Circle- finding Ms. Brancato, EVIL Scientist Dude, Count Gonad, Antonio Banderas and the masked Bronze Cobra.*
Babyface: (drops the Mr. T-sack) I have the package.
Bronze Cobra: Excellent. It is only a matter of time... until our plan is complete...
*Back with the pirates...*
That Krazy Dude: Is he still getting the boat washed?
Que Pasa: I guess so. It's all your fault for not washing the boat more often, Krazy!
Skanky Siren: Aw man, all my extra clothes are on the boat!
That Krazy Dude: Interesting.
Que Pasa: I know someone who can help us.
Morgan Freeman: HOLY CRAP even more mystery and betrayals. What will it all come to?
That Krazy Dude: I wonder...
Morgan Freeman: Insert various questions that are relevant to recent plot developments. Have fun, and I'll see you next time if I'm lucky enough to have the pleasure! Until then, drink safely and try to avoid yellow liquids.
To be continued...
That Krazy Dude: Goody gumdrops!
Week Six: The Initiation of White Panther
by Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, Jebus and White Panther on August 25, 2007
Morgan Freeman: Babyface McTraitorpants has run off with the GCPA's ship.
White Panther: That sucks.
Morgan Feeman: With Scruffy and Curry still AWOL, Que Pasa leads some of the remaining pirates in initiating their newest member- White Panther.
Jebus: Racist bastard..
Morgan Freeman: Shut up Feeman, my evil twin brother!
White Panther: Me?
Que Pasa: Yes, you!
White Panther: =X
Gordan Freeman: ...
Que Pasa: Everyone, pack your stuff!
White Panther: I don't have stuff.
Que Pasa: We don't have any stuff since our ship is gone, so let's go!
Jebus: Female crew members go nude.
White Panther: What????
Jebus: Mhmm! New rules.
That Krazy Dude: Eaging hormones.
White Panther: No, I'm not a member yet. I'm fully clothed. Thank you.
Que Pasa: You must take the same initiation process that all of us have taken.
Jebus: Indeed!
White Panther: ........
Que Pasa: We must go on a journey to the magical land of hookers and get action.
White Panther: SUHWEET! >_> I mean...
Jebus: The great journey!
That Krazy Dude: ...interesting.
Que Pasa: Both the sex kind and the fighting kind!
White Panther: Awesome.
Que Pasa: Since there are ninja hookers there too.
Jebus: ...
That Krazy Dude: Oh, those are the best kind!
White Panther: Ninja hookers? No wai.
Jebus: They have fun then slit your neck!
White Panther: I like my neck, thank you.
Jebus: Sounds like a nice death..
Que Pasa: It's kinda like Never Never Land.
White Panther: Except, more violent?
That Krazy Dude: One of them showed me where she keeps her smoke grenades.
White Panther: I'll show you where I keep mine. ;]
That Krazy Dude: Interesting.
Jebus: Hey, there's smoke grenades in her back pocket.. : /
White Panther: Who told you to look there?
That Krazy Dude: Oh, that's not your regular pocket.
White Panther: <_<
Que Pasa: Well let's start moving!
Jebus: Indeed.
White Panther: Aye.
Jebus: So are these free hookers, or the paid kind?
Morgan Freeman: The three pirates and pirate to be... start moving!
Jebus: And the sexy pornstar hookers that don't exist or Mary Jane Rotten Crotch from down the lane?
Que Pasa: Don't you remember from when we took you there?
Jebus: We've been here?
That Krazy Dude: He was way too wasted to remember anything.
Jebus: Probably. Damn Jesus juice!
White Panther: Does that happen to him often?
Que Pasa: Every pirate goes there as initiation, it's standard procedure.
That Krazy Dude: Yeah.
Que Pasa: It's part of the Code!
White Panther: Sweet!
Jebus: Hey... We have a new chef! Well..
That Krazy Dude: ?
White Panther: We do?
Jebus: Who's womanly-er? Her or Lupine?
That Krazy Dude: Ah! Stereotyping.
White Panther: Whoa what? I'm no chef. Fuck you.
Jebus: -laughs- Indeed. Bitch make me a sammich!
That Krazy Dude: He says you belong in the kitchen, pregnant and barefoot.
White Panther: I say my foot belongs up your ass.
That Krazy Dude: My mom says that to me all the time. Doesn't mean she does it.
Morgan Feeman: ENEMY APPROACHETH!
That Krazy Dude: WHOA!
White Panther: Who's this Feeman guy?
That Krazy Dude: ...
Jebus: ...
That Krazy Dude: Where'd Morgan Feeman come from?
White Panther: ....
Jebus: He is everything, but nothing. The air around you. But not.
That Krazy Dude: Hey, there are enemies approachething.
Jebus: He is the alpha, while I am the omega? For real?
White Panther: Aw shit. I have no weapon.
Que Pasa: Use your barracuda claws.
That Krazy Dude: Just make up a weapon. That's what everyone else does.
White Panther: Aw sweet!
Jebus: Use this cooking Wok! -gives it to her- : P
White Panther: FUCK YOU!
That Krazy Dude: You should feel right at home with it.
White Panther: I'll use your head in a second.
That Krazy Dude: Make me some Chinese while you're at it.
Jebus: Luckily I'm the brother of God and all that.
White Panther: I'm gonna hate this, aren't I?
Jebus: ... Probably.
That Krazy Dude: Not at all!
*Lupine rushes up to the others.*
Lupine: Am I fashionably late?
That Krazy Dude: You're fashionably ugly!
White Panther: Whoa, who's this guy?
Jebus: That's our would-be chef, but you took his place!
White Panther: Totally not taking his place.
That Krazy Dude: Yes you are!
Lupine: I am the chef and the second mate.
White Panther: If anyone belongs in the kitchen, it's him.
*Pat Sajack and Alex Trebek rush forward wielding lances.*
That Krazy Dude: You have that natural female talent.
Jebus: Lupine shut up. Women belong in the kitchen.
Lupine: The name is Chef Lupine Shadow. What did I miss?
White Panther: Aye, I'm... White... Panther.....
Que Pasa: We're taking White Panther here on her initiation voyage to the mythical land of hookers. And now we're being attacked by Alex Trebek and Pat Sajak.
That Krazy Dude: Where the hell did they come from?
White Panther: Oh what the..
Jebus: SPARTANS HOLD!
That Krazy Dude: *picks up bucket and mop*
Jebus: That's the spirit!
White Panther: *unsheathes...claws...*
That Krazy Dude: *goes into a Spartan-like defensive stance*
White Panther: *ditto*
That Krazy Dude: *puts on a cool red cape*
Alex Trebek: I should take this chance to warn you not to make any damned SNL references!
Jebus: GOD DAMN IT TREBEK! -hands WP her wok-
White Panther: I don't have a cape. *smacks Jebus over the head with it*
Jebus: Oww. : (
White Panther: Bitch. [=
That Krazy Dude: You'll get one when you join the crew!
White Panther: Awesome.
Pat Sajack: I summon my Assist Trophy- Vanna White!
*Vanna White, now estimated to be in her late 70's, rushes in and makes everyone cringe in disgust.*
Jebus: We have capes..?
That Krazy Dude: We have caps too.
White Panther: Do we? DO WE?
That Krazy Dude: *puts on nifty GCPA hat*
White Panther: Sweeeeet. We have hats??
That Krazy Dude: ...That's a cap...
White Panther: ....oh.. I thought you meant... CAPS caps... Not... hat caps...
Que Pasa: My hat can talk.
Hat: When will you return me to the Minish realm?
Que Pasa: *smacks Hat* Shut up, Ezlo!
That Krazy Dude: Tsk tsk!
White Panther: Ezlo, eh?
Jebus: BAM!
That Krazy Dude: Link's got nothing on you. (Marko's router's gay)
Jebus: [Yep]
That Krazy Dude: So, about these game show hosts, and this disgusting elderly woman.
White Panther: So yeah, can we hurry? I reeally want some hookers. I mean. That initiation.
That Krazy Dude: What're you gonna do? Cook 'em lunch?
White Panther: Me?
*Sajak ties Lupine to the Wheel of Death.*
Sajak: Now Vanna, spin the wheel!
Jebus: THE POWER OF CHRIST COMPELLS YOU! KAMEHAMEHA!!!! -Blasts away Trebek-
Sajak: I'll be back, when you least expect it! (runs away)
Lupine: Okay, so again, what did I miss?
White Panther: Apparently you're cooking someone lunch. Because I'm not the chef, here. That was an irresponsibly placed comma.
That Krazy Dude: Yeah my balls! Fix me a sandwich.
Jebus: Bitch you saw what I can do. Make me a sammich!
Lupine: Wait, if she's new cook, what am I?
Jebus: >_> Bukkake bucket..?
That Krazy Dude: You have the job of second mate. Stop crying.
White Panther: I'M NOT THE NEW COOK GODDAMMIT.
That Krazy Dude: Yes you are.
Que Pasa: Alright, I booked us a ferry that will take us to the magical land of hookers.
That Krazy Dude: Sweet.
White Panther: Awesome, let's get on that.
That Krazy Dude: Let's go.
Jebus: Good job first mate! Wait.. what's my rank?
That Krazy Dude: Does it have a stove for White Panther?
White Panther: *sigh* I hate you.
Lupine: I'll light up the stove, you know, with my magic.
That Krazy Dude: Yes, one of the many abilities you have dubbed yourself of having.
Lupine: I have few now.
Que Pasa: OH THAT'S RIGHT YOU'RE A MAGICIAN!
White Panther: Is he really?
Que Pasa: WELL MISTER MAGIC MAN HOW ABOUT YOU MAKE MY FIST APPEAR IN YOUR FACE! BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT YOU FANCY-PANTS MAGICIANS LIKE TO DO IN YOUR SPARE FANCY-PANTS MAGIC TIME!
Lupine: I'm just elementalist and apparently also an ex ninja acrobat.
Jebus: If I can use Kamehameha I think he can fart fires... it's fair game!
White Panther: Can you turn Jebus into a ...turkey?
Jebus: Nope.
Lupine: Elementalist.
That Krazy Dude: Wanna make me a sandwich after all, huh?
White Panther: -_______________________________-
Lupine: I only control fire, water, air, earth. I'd control ugly, but Que Pasa already does that.
Que Pasa: Yes he's an elementalist, he made the group Earth, Wind and Fire.
Jebus: -Turns White Panther into a.. panther?-
White Panther: ...
Jebus: Not my brightest idea..
White Panther: A regular, non-white, panther? You're ghey.
Jebus: ... Shut up.
White Panther: XD *win*
Jebus: -zips her mouth closed- <_< So.. as we were going..?
That Krazy Dude: I have a bucket and...a mop.
Que Pasa: Ooh, turn me into something next!
That Krazy Dude: ...
White Panther: *thinks: I did not know my mouth had a zipper attached?*
Lupine: Wait, the ferry! IT'S GOING AWAY!
Jebus: ... -tosses Lupine in the water- Catch it!
Lupine: Ack water!
Que Pasa: Catch me the moon...
White Panther: *snickers*
Lupine: A ninja's weakness, how did you know!?!
That Krazy Dude: Reminds me of that shinobi I shot with the water gun.
*Cut to a shinobi running around on fire*
Jebus: -Turns White Panther back into whatever she was-
White Panther: *punches Jebus*
Jebus: Oww. : (
Lupine: ::burns water:: Fire doesn't work! What will I do?
Jebus: Part it like Moses!
White Panther: *thinks: Do I still have a zippered mouth?*
Jebus: -nope-
Que Pasa: I think about zippered mouths all the time.
White Panther: Really?
Jebus: Yes.
That Krazy Dude: You can... swim... right?
Jebus: That's too practical.
Lupine: Why? Is that cause I'm Cuban? That some Cuban joke?
That Krazy Dude: No, because you're in water and you haven't drowned yet, much to my dismay.
Jebus: Cuban ninjas with elemental powers.
Lupine: We exust... exist!
Jebus: Exhaust fan?
White Panther: You exust too, eh?
Que Pasa: We are exhaust pipes.
Lupine: :: lights random people on fire::
Que Pasa: *enters the ferry*
Lupine: Hehe this is why I learned elemental magic. (You learned it so you could spend a good chunk of the story complaining while drowning?)
Que Pasa: (backhands Lupine) Well this is why I learned how to hit things! (then backhands Golem for good measure)
Jebus: So Panther.. I now dub you.. Kitchen Bitch!
White Panther: -____-
Jebus: Or KB because I'm lazy.. : D
White Panther: Chef Lupine. Is a CHEF. HE BELONGS IN THE KITCHEN. NOT ME.
Jebus: A lousy chef.
White Panther: That's not my fault.
That Krazy Dude: Women! Always in denial!
Jebus: -high fives Krazy Dude-
White Panther: Hey. You stay out of this.
That Krazy Dude: Yeah!
Lupine: ::lights Que Pasa on fire then surrounds him in dirt:: Slow burn, oooo yeah.
Que Pasa: Mm I like it dirty.
Jebus: -covers Lupine in 5 Asian chicks with boobs bigger than their heads- Cool down.
White Panther: Oh my.
Lupine: <_< >_>
*That Krazy Dude collapses.*
White Panther: Good. Bye.
*That Krazy Dude returns to his feet.*
White Panther: Aw damn.
*The ferry begins to approach the Magical Hooker Land*
Lupine: Wait, why are we going to hooker land?
That Krazy Dude: WHY THE FUCK ARE YOU QUESTIONING THIS!?
Que Pasa: It's for White Panther's initiation.
White Panther: Because Jebus desperately needs to get laid.
Jebus: Huh?
Que Pasa: We all went through this initiation. I think we took you to a gay bar instead though.
Lupine: In hooker land?
Que Pasa: Yeah.
Lupine: I remember having my face lit on fire, attacked by a raccoon, and getting asked.
White Panther: ...
*The ferry is hit by a cannonball. Gorenicus approaches in his pirate ship.*
Lupine: :: cannonball makes Que Pasa's face uglier; wait that can't happen because his face is the model of perfection and cannot be tampered with in any way or form, in fact looking at Lupine's after looking at Que Pasa's could cause instant death to the sheer contrast and extreme hideousness that composes a face known to many as that of Lupine Shadow:: Woooo!
Gorenicus: I'll sink this ferry so I have no one to take up all the good hookers!
That Krazy Dude: He's going for the hookers! The ones that practice safe sex and don't have STDs!!!
Lupine: Kill him!
That Krazy Dude: We have to stop him! Or we'll all surely suffer from VD, unless Lupine's a venereal disease curing whit mage as well.
Lupine: No, I don't do white magic. eLFa did, but we sold her soul.
*Gorenicus sends his primate minions onto the ferry to slaughter everyone.*
Lupine: Kill him. :: grabs pole arm:: Well let's get this on!
White Panther: Fuck that! *takes...out..claws...*
That Krazy Dude: Then we have to fuck these guys up!
White Panther: I really need to think of a verb for this.
Lupine: How about claws?
Que Pasa: That's right, White Panther's supposed to be our new doctor!
That Krazy Dude: Here take this sword and shield!
White Panther: Okay, wait I'm a doctor?
Que Pasa: Yes, you practice tribal medicine.
Lupine: :: pulls out weapon cache:: I have a shit load of weapons, take on!
That Krazy Dude: *hands White Panther a steak knife and a cutting board*
White Panther: I've got my claws. *scratch* [=
That Krazy Dude: You've got a steak knife and a cutting board.
Lupine: Argh! Fine! :: slashes one gorilla: Let's take 'em out!!!!!
That Krazy Dude: ...Fuck it. Stubborn women.
White Panther: I don't need your weapons.
Que Pasa: *shoots down monkey with cannonball* Quick, have Nils play for me so I can move again!
Lupine: eLFa did that too till we sold her.
That Krazy Dude: *impales a monkey and beats the other one repeatedly with the cutting board* We have Ninian. Good enough!?
Que Pasa: Cool she has that sad theme song.
That Krazy Dude: Yeah she does.
*Gorenicus sets all his monkey minions on fire and sends them into the ferry to burn everything.*
Lupine: :: spins pole arm into helicopter motion:: Go go Gadget Copter!!!
White Panther: *kicks monkey into water* Bitch.
That Krazy Dude: *sends Ninian forward; random asshole impales her and she dies* FUCK! NOW I HAVE TO START THE CHAPTER OVER!
Lupine: Wait! I can help!!!! :: lights Ninian on fire:: I'm helping!!!!
Que Pasa: I knew we should've leveled her up.
That Krazy Dude: Stupid bitch!
White Panther: Who's Ninian?
That Krazy Dude: Hurry up!
White Panther: x_x
Que Pasa: You... are?
That Krazy Dude: I'm about to restart my Fire Emblem!
Lupine: ::slices GBA/DS by accident:: Sorry!
That Krazy Dude: Fucker!
Lupine: :: lunges at gorilla and shoves a banana bomb in its mouth::
That Krazy Dude: How can you slash a Gameboy Advance or a DS!? You slashed a fucking variable!!
Morgan Freeman: The ferry begins to sink from all the fire and crap.
That Krazy Dude: You slashed a fucking variable!!
Lupine: I'm magic, remember? I'm like Dumbledore. Without the oldmaness. (Editor's note: But with the gayness WHOOOOOO)
Que Pasa: Quick, let's board Gorenicus's ship.
That Krazy Dude: Dumbledore doesn't use a sword.
Lupine: I use a polearm.
White Panther: Dumbledore isn't a chef.
That Krazy Dude: And he's not an elementalist.
Lupine: He can cook.
White Panther: How do you know?
That Krazy Dude: Dumbledore's old!
Lupine: HE'S MAGIC DAMMIT! THATS MY POINT HERE.
White Panther: Dumbledore's got a friggen beard.
That Krazy Dude: And Dumbledore doesn't serve on a crew with a female chef!
White Panther: Well, then why didn't you say a house elf? They cook, and they're magic.
That Krazy Dude: You are an angry woman.
Lupine: THAT'S IT!!! IGNIS EXPLOSION!!!!
Que Pasa: Uh-oh, someone forgot to take his nap.
White Panther: I'm gonna assume you're talking about Chef Lupine.
That Krazy Dude: You assumed semi-correct.
Lupine: :: causes huge magic fire tornado engulfing the whole ship and Cleveland::
*The five pirates rush onto Gorenicus's ship at the last second.*
That Krazy Dude: *punches monkey in the face*
White Panther: *claws another monkey's arms off, and it bleeds all over Krazy Dude* Oh shit, sorry. [=
That Krazy Dude: *wipes blood off on DP...I mean WP*
White Panther: DP? Director of Photography?
That Krazy Dude: (double penetration)
White Panther: I really need to get this lingo down.
Que Pasa: You're out of ape minions, Gorenicus! What now?
*Gorenicus snaps his fingers, summoning a swarm of feral Chocobos and a one-armed monk named Kyson.*
Lupine: CHOCOBOS!
That Krazy Dude: Who is this minor character!?
Que Pasa: Where did all of this come from?!
Lupine: FINAL FANTASY X-2! I'LL KILL YOU ALL!!!! ::slashes dashes slices and dices::
White Panther: *claws*
That Krazy Dude: He's slashing dashing slicing and dicing. He's doing it so fast he doesn't even need commas!
White Panther: Commas, pah!
*The chocobos begin fiercely attacking everyone while Kyson begins kicking everyone around.*
Gorenicus: Good thing I shoplifted these minions from an alternate universe and brainwashed them!
Lupine: I'll take the monk. Or does someone else want to?
That Krazy Dude: *rips Chocobo's head off* Hey White Panther! Looks like you're making chicken tonight!
White Panther: Hey Krazy Dude. (kicks him in the balls)
Lupine: :: slices chocobo leg:: Magic leg.
That Krazy Dude: Ow, you evil bitch!
White Panther: *claws some more* Why, thank you! [=
Que Pasa: *heads into the captain's cabin and sets the course for Magical Hooker Land, then turns around to face Gorenicus, who has his sword in hand.*
That Krazy Dude: *throws chocobo overboard*
Gorencious: Not so fast! I'll treat you to an unImajinable beatdown!
Lupine: :: rushes Kyson::
That Krazy Dude: *throws banana peel under White Panther's feet*
White Panther: How did that get under my feet if I was standing on solid ground?
Jebus: We there yet?
That Krazy Dude: No, no we're not.
Lupine: ::Kyson jumps and whirl kicks Lupine in face::
Que Pasa: Yes, Lupine Vs. Kyson will definitely attract the foot fetish audience! (slugged by Gorenicus)
White Panther: Oh my.
Jebus: Exotic.
Gorenicus: Hm, I don't know why I punched you when I could have easily stabbed you instead and killed you.
That Krazy Dude: I used my Super Crazy Elementalist 1337 Dumbledore Powerz!
Lupine: ::jumps and does a ninety degree axe kick:: My groin!
That Krazy Dude: Yeah...elementalist.../cook/kung-fu master/martial arts weapons expert.
Lupine: :::grabs groin muscle::
White Panther: |) 4 /\/\ /\/\ | 7
Lupine: ::gets up calls time out and shoves a pingpong paddle up Krazy Dude's face:: Time in!
That Krazy Dude: ... There's a paddle up my face!!!
White Panther: Good! *runs past to claw more*
*Suddenly, Que Pasa's Millennium Nose turns into a steam roller and begins rolling over Gorencius*
Gorenicus: No, you knew about my childhood fear of steamrollers!
Lupine: Kyson only one thing can decide this. IT'S TIME TO D-D-D-DUEL!
White Panther: Do you stutter all the time?
That Krazy Dude: Little Kuriboh's gonna cut himself.
Lupine: I summon the Blue Eyes White Dragon.
Jebus: I summon Wang of Demise!
That Krazy Dude: I think Jebus won that duel.
Que Pasa: We whipped out the D-D-Duel jokes back in one of the freshman year chats.
Lupine: :: suddenly four kids throws a lawsuit in his face::
That Krazy Dude: *rams mop up chocobo's ass and swings it around at enemies*
Lupine: ::catches lawsuit and throws it at Kyson revealing his true form:: LITTLEKURIBOH!
That Krazy Dude: We did the lawsuit joke too.
Que Pasa: We did the lawsuit joke like eighty times.
That Krazy Dude: Yeah, we have.
White Panther: *cough*New material*cough*
Lupine: ....
Jebus: -cops a feel on Panther-
White Panther: o.O *grabs Jebus's epic lulz*
Lupine: We did the ugly joke every single time.
Jebus: Did we do sexual lawsuit jokes?
Lupine: I think we did, once.
Jebus: Oh. Damn.
*The ferry reaches shore.*
White Panther: Maybe this should wait. Until we're in a cabin. With a bed. >_>
Jebus: And for the record she grabbed my epic dick *in German* : P
Que Pasa: Alright, let's get some hookers!
White Panther: Yes. [= FINALLY.
Jebus: Woo! No male hookers for you!
White Panther: ......Female?
Jebus: All of us were initiated with women hookers. That tradition shall stand!
White Panther: ...Can I just have Jebus?
*The GCPAers rush towards the nearest settlement shouting at top of their lungs.*
Jebus: Meh sure?
White Panther: I can?
That Krazy Dude: ...
White Panther: ...
Que Pasa: Yes, the true test was in the journey here.
Lupine: Wait. littlekuriboph is still out there.
Jebus: So?
White Panther: He's powerless.
That Krazy Dude: Not littlekuriboph!
Que Pasa: Yeah, he's not even funny anymore so there's no reason to fear him.
Jebus: -snaps his fingers and a mushroom cloud appears in the distance- Poor fucker never had a chance..
White Panther: *hugs Krazy Dude*
That Krazy Dude: Oh, now you want a hug?
White Panther: Fine. You won't get my panthuh luvin.
That Krazy Dude: You're probably going to knee me in the balls or something.
Jebus: -Hugs Krazy Dude-
That Krazy Dude: I think Jebus already called dibs. ... That's just awkward.
Jebus: -knee's him in the nuts and sneaks off-
That Krazy Dude: Ow! Fuck you!
Jebus: : D
Lupine: asap euq (I don't wanna know)
Que Pasa: *A shuriken descends* WATCH OUT!!!
*The shuriken hits the ground and causes an explosion. Several ninja hookers descend.*
That Krazy Dude: Exploding shurikens? Yes!!!!!
Jebus: WOO!
White Panther: Party is a freakin' can!
Vagineta: Ah, trespassers.
That Krazy Dude: Show me your smoke grenades!!
Lupine: Vagineta! You again!
That Krazy Dude: This bitch!?
White Panther: Vagineta. *breathes*
Jebus: Is her name Vagina? ...
Lupine: Okay, I want to say...
Vagineta: Shut up I'm over you.
Jebus: You shut your whore mouth!
Lupine: Are you? no one gets over my lain charm.
Vagineta: Now who wants sex first?
Jebus: -laughs at Lupine-
Lupine: :: makes move onto Vagineta:: Come here baby!
White Panther: Oh my.
That Krazy Dude: Is this Austin Powers or something now?
Vagineta: Although you should know since your pirates I'll probably kill you afterwards, or maybe near the end if you're boring.
Jebus: ... I cast level five Eroticism on myself!
Vagineta: (shoves Lupine's ass into his face)
That Krazy Dude: Great, we're in the land of hookers and we're going to die! Just perfect!
Lupine: Well, look on the bright side! We snoo snoo to death.
Jebus: I blame it on Lupine. And the fact I'm not a pirate. -cough- Technically I am a demi-God who travels with you all. -shrugs-
Que Pasa: Yeah okay. As long as I don't get that mannish looking one on the left. Alright White Panther, choose your ninja hooker.
White Panther: I was totally banging some guy over there, but you didn't need to know that.
That Krazy Dude: ...
White Panther: Err.. must it be a girl?
Que Pasa: Well there might be a guy somewhere in there
That Krazy Dude: Let's make her the crew's cook/whore.
Jebus: Works for me!
White Panther: I'M NOT A COOK! AND I'M NOT A WHORE EITHER.
Que Pasa: Yeah since Siren only flashes. And that knocks us out.
Lupine: No, leave her her rights. She deserves to be treated equal.
Morgan Feeman: This has been a special message from Chef Lupine.
White Panther: Thank you, Chef Lupine.
Lupine: Like we did eLFa and Dreamer.
White Panther: What happened to them?
Jebus: Bukkake. That's what.
Lupine: Well...
Jebus: Woo! : D
Que Pasa: Their souls got sold. To Chevy Chasarino.
White Panther: That sucks.
Jebus: Women have rights?
White Panther: Fuck you.
Jebus: Now or later?
White Panther: I told you, later, when we have a bed.
That Krazy Dude: Told ya! Crew whore.
White Panther: I'm not a crew whore.
Que Pasa: Pikachu Whore.
White Panther: I just provide pleasure where I can. Totally not a whore.
Jebus: I was sold too, wasn't I?
That Krazy Dude: ... Crew loose person.
White Panther: -___- What are you, the janitor?
Jebus: ...He is.
White Panther: >_> I know.
Vagineta: Are we gonna sex it up or not?
Lupine: I'll take her!
White Panther: Who, me?
Jebus: Lupine you get the fugly one.
Lupine: :: points to his photo:: I can't die here, you see. I need to find her. So you guys have fun!
White Panther: Who am I getting?
Jebus: -grabs Lupine- Haven't you seen Sin City? That town of hookers. This is the same.
Lupine: But... I don't want to get sliced or shot.
Jebus: They have some crazy Japanese bitch with a sword! Don't go! She WILL kill you! Trust me I have seen the movie!
Vagineta: He's right you know.
That Krazy Dude: ...Fuck it! *furiously starts banging White Panther*
Jebus: -blinks-
White Panther: AWESOME.
Jebus: Bastard! : o
Vagineta: Alright, they've taken too long. Start killing them all!
*The Ninja hookers charge at the pirates.*
White Panther: *bang bang bang*
That Krazy Dude: Oh, the slaughter has to begin when I get action! Great!
White Panther: *stops* Dammit. *puts shirt back on* Okay, let's go.
Jebus: -takes a seat with a cup of tea, sipping tea like he was British or something- Use the Wok pupil! It's the only way!
Que Pasa: I've practiced for this! *grabs two ninja hooker heads and slams them together*
White Panther: *turns around and shoves cup of tea down Jebus's throat*
Lupine: MY ABS GIVE ME SUPER STRENGTH!
White Panther: You have abs?
Lupine: Don't you??
Jebus: -coughs it up laughing at Lupine-
White Panther: >_> No.
That Krazy Dude: *pulls up pants*
Que Pasa: It's da Krazy Pants!
White Panther: But I've got claws! That scratch peoples' backs when we sex it up.
Lupine: Then, use them in combination with my abs!
Que Pasa: This cat's got claws!
Jebus: That's more kinky than dangerous. But whatever floats your boat!
White Panther: You don't even know what kinky is!
Jebus: Oh? I'm not getting into this. : P
White Panther: Alright fine, cancel the bed.
Que Pasa: *shoots chloroform from Millennium Nose into swarm of ninja hookers, knocking them out.*
Jebus: Fine go to the kitchen!
White Panther: FUCK YOU. >_>
Jebus: During a battle?! Are you mad woman?
Que Pasa: Mad Woman, I'll remember that name next time we get a female crew member, if we ever do.
White Panther: >_> You mean you're not willing to? Come on, it's intense! Heat of the battle!
Jebus: -shrugs-
White Panther: <_< Fine. Nevermind!
Jebus: Fine!
White Panther: Good!
Jebus: I think Krazy got bored of all the sex. : o ...Or not.
Lupine: I'm lonely, oh so lonely. I have no body for my own!
That Krazy Dude: ...
Jebus: -Feeds the Lupine head some bacon-
That Krazy Dude: So Lupine's lonely.
White Panther: He is.
*Vagineta is the last ninja left and rushes forward in attack.*
Vagineta: I choose the janitor, he looks like he gets the most action!
White Panther: *claws Vagineta's eyes out*
Vagineta: KYAA!!!
Jebus: Nooo not her eyes! Now she will close her eyes when she makes love to me!
*Sexy catfight ensues.*
Jebus: Ohh catfight! -watches with popcorn-
That Krazy Dude: Oh baby!
Que Pasa: Mamma mia! Now that's giving me some Pasta Power!
White Panther: *catfights it up*
That Krazy Dude: Wait who's getting action? Me or the Panther?
Que Pasa: Both!
White Panther: ...
That Krazy Dude: ...
Jebus: Huh?
White Panther: A threesome, eh?
That Krazy Dude: Niiiiiiiiiiice!
Jebus: 4-some!
That Krazy Dude: Get the fuck off!
Que Pasa: Fivesome!
Jebus: Fuck you!
That Krazy Dude: Aw, come on! You're ruining my moment. My moment of glory!
White Panther: Gahp! What the hell!
Que Pasa: We gotta do this man, we gotta. We gotta pick up some chicks.
Jebus: Seriously!
That Krazy Dude: This is the land of hookers!
White Panther: ...*is a chick?*
Que Pasa: *Starts backhanding everything in sight*
White Panther: *steps out of sight range*
That Krazy Dude: And I'm picking up two chicks!
Jebus: [Next summer we should make a GCPA video of us hitting on random chicks : P]
White Panther: *pushes Jebus in the way* [Oh, yeah, great, can't wait]
That Krazy Dude: I keep my bitches in line! Keeping a strong pump hand.
White Panther: Excuse me? I'm not your bitch!
Jebus: [You can hit on guys?]
White Panther: [OH HELL YEAH.]
That Krazy Dude: Did I say you're my bitch?
Jebus: You're my kitchen bitch!
That Krazy Dude: Exactly! That's what you get!
Lupine: ::sits and watches::
Jebus: -pulls Lupine in- He can't cook me breakfast in just an apron!
*Vagineta growls, then leaps up and tackles White Panther over*
White Panther: What the ..? Get the hell off me bitch! *pushes Vagineta off*
Jebus: Cat fight!!
White Panther: *claws her face up*
Jebus: I think I realize why pirate crews never had women...
That Krazy Dude: ... Get some pudding. GET SOME FUCKING PUDDING!!
White Panther: *scratch scratch scratch*
Vagineta: You win this round- it will be even more agonizing for you to not have had sex with me, then to have had sex with me and died! (disappears with smoke bomb)
That Krazy Dude: Damn! It's too late -_-
White Panther: What the... I was supposed to have sex with her?
Jebus: That sucks..
Que Pasa: What a tease!
That Krazy Dude: Yeah.
White Panther: No one told me this.
That Krazy Dude: You kind of were...
Que Pasa: We all were.
That Krazy Dude: Yeah.
Jebus: It was kinda obvious when she was trying to get your shirt off?
White Panther: So that's what she was doing.....
*Mr. Feeny approaches, dressed in a navel uniform.*
White Panther: *salutes*
That Krazy Dude: Which Feeny?
Jebus: -blinks-
Que Pasa: Boy Meets World.
That Krazy Dude: Ahhh... FEENY!!!! *salutes*
Jebus: SIR! -salutes-
Lupine: The only important one.
Mr. Feeny: Miss Panther, on your knees.
That Krazy Dude: ... This is gonna be interesting.
White Panther: Oh my.
Lupine: o_O FEENY YOU DAWG!
Que Pasa: DO IT!
Jebus: Indeed.
White Panther: *gets on knees* I thought I'd only do this for Jebus?
That Krazy Dude: WHIP IT OUT!
Jebus: Coincidence enough the song playing right now is [Beat It]
That Krazy Dude: ... Crew whore.
*Mr. Feeny draws a sword and rests it above White Panther's head.*
White Panther: X_X
That Krazy Dude: Oh I have a sword for her!
Jebus: -hands Krazy Dude a sword- Yes he does!
That Krazy Dude: Yeah.
Mr. Feeny: White Panther, with the power invested in me by the Pirate Academy and Micheal Jacobs, I hereby knight you a member of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada!
White Panther: SUHWEET.
Lupine: Congrats kid. You're one of us now.
Masamune: Why didn't you just go to Yale?
White Panther: Eh, I get better sex here.
Que Pasa: Welcome aboard, White Panther.
Jebus: -hands her a bottle of Jesus Juice- Get hammered!
White Panther: Thanks! *gets hammered......*
Jebus: Si.
White Panther: That was totally a mistake.
That Krazy Dude: ...
Que Pasa: I wonder when Babyface will be back from the cleaners with our ship?
Jebus: That's the blood of all the children Michael Jackson raped.. : S
White Panther: X_X *throws up*
That Krazy Dude: That is plain creepy.
Jebus: I don't make it. It's endorsed by Jesus, not me. -shrugs-
White Panther: That's gross. And there's vomit on my shoe.
Jebus: You should see the dinners Lupine makes with the bodies.. Err.. chickens..
Que Pasa: Come now. We must make war with the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy... and save our captain's soul! Together we ride!
That Krazy Dude: ...The chocobos?
Jebus: Sure! Totally not dead children!
White Panther: We ride?
That Krazy Dude: Yep, we ride!
Lupine: Let's roll!
Jebus: On?
That Krazy Dude: Dibs on the panther!
White Panther: o__O
*Fire Emblem music begins playing as the screen turns to black and the credits begin rolling.*
That Krazy Dude: Oh, I hope there's a blooper reel!
White Panther: DELETEDSCENESOMGZZZ!!1!!!one!exclamationpoint1
That Krazy Dude: !!!!
Que Pasa: Comprised only of dozens of crotch shots
White Panther: I've got plenty of those!
That Krazy Dude: *rips chocobo's head off and a guy inside the chocobo suit's there like "...the fuck man?"*
Week Seven: The Day AIM Died
by Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, White Panther and Jebus on October 25, 2007
Morgan Freeman: Babyface McTraitorpants made off with their ship! Their captain and Curry have been seduced by the Bronze Cobra! They have a White Panther now! They are the Golden Cheesecake pirates, and... here... they... are!
*The GCPA rushes out on a stage while glittering lights and disco balls shine all over, and they take bows*
Lupina: ::playing with water magic:: Hehehehe! ::looks at White Panther then at water magic:: Hehehehe! :: throws water at White Panther::
That Krazy Dude: *sleeps on stage*
White Panther: *claws at Lupina's face and continues bowing*
Lupina: Your much like The Guz. I'll make you sorry!
White Panther: A) You're. B) No I'm not!
Barry White: Do you like Lupina coladas? Getting caught in the rain...
White Panther: *chuckles.. A LOT*
Barry Manilow: (rises from Hell) Are you all ready to die?
Lupina: Barry Manilow? Who the hell is that?
White Panther: Are you serious? Come on.. Copa Cobana?
That Krazy Dude: Well it's not unusual.
Carlton Banks: It's not unusual... to see me cry...
White Panther: Everyone knows who he is..
Que Pasa: NO! THAT DUDE IS UGLIER THAN ANY OF THE MANY PEOPLE WE'VE CALLED UGLY IN THIS SERIES!
Lupina: Wow, that is ugly.
White Panther: I didn't.. say.. he wasn't.. ugly....
Que Pasa: I was just saying no to his general presence.
That Krazy Dude: His ugly...ugly presence.
White Panther: Yes. I agree.
Agent Meyer: Be careful! Barry Manilow is one of the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy's failed experiments!
White Panther: O_O Aw snap.
Lupina: Well then, let's make him see why we are the most feared bejewelers on the planet.
Que Pasa: The most feared cradle shakers.
Lupina: :: pulls out Freshman Dylan:: Go get em, kid!
White Panther: Hey! You leave Dylan alone!
Lupina: I like him.
White Panther: Good.
Lupina: Just so you know, he's a little ball of sunshine.
White Panther: [=
That Krazy Dude: Don't make a pie reference to him or she'll rape you in the bad way.
White Panther: Yeah. No pie references. I will claw your eyes out...again.
*Barry Mannilow begins emitting sonic booms from his mouth*
Lupina: ::Dylan explodes:: O_O Noooooooo! The little ball of sunshine! My world is darker now! ;_;
White Panther: Oh my.
Que Pasa: What have you DONE
Lupina: I must avenge him. Only one thing to do. I'll summon!
White Panther: God Lupina. Way to go!
Lupina: I summon----SHUT YOUR MOUTH! I DEFENDED YOU FROM THE WHORE AND WOMAN CRACKS ON YOUR FIRST DAY! GRRRR, I'LL EAT YOU!
Que Pasa: *tapes Dylan back together and issues an apology to him on behalf of the entire GCPA*
Lupina: Now...
*Barry Manilow lunges forward and wraps his arms around White Panther, then begins squeezing her tightly to break down her bones*
Que Pasa: He's like a snake!
Jebus: Penis.
Lupina: o_O
No Name: My calculations state he must have been made from some combination of Snake DNA and Gay DNA.
Lupina: Only one thing can beat a snake. ::dresses up as a mongoose:: Grrr!
White Panther: *gasps for breath* Help!
Que Pasa: Hmm... help? What is this "help" you speak of?
White Panther: *choking* Oh God. Some....one....*gasps*
Barry Manilow: Kookookookookoo
Que Pasa: (looks around and sees no one else moving) Oh, fine. (fires torpedo from nose cannon into Barry Manilow's back)
White Panther: *is let free and falls to the ground*
That Krazy Dude: I haven't said anything in the past 5 minutes!
White Panther: The hell?! I'm being strangled to death and you do nothing? What kind of crew is this?!
Lupina: :: as a mongoose:: Rawr! :: jumps on the snake::
That Krazy Dude: *throws a bottle of pine sol into Manilow's eyes*
White Panther: *kicks a bucket that happens to hit the mongoose in the face*
*Barry Manilow screeches and begins melting.*
White Panther: *claws Manilow's nose off*
Lupina: :: starts gnawing on Manilow:: Fear my mongoose powers!
White Panther: Yeahhh teamworkkkk awesommme! *drags out more words*
That Krazy Dude: Yeah! Beating up old washed up singers for the win!
Lupina: Of screw this! :: takes disguise off:: IGNIS!
Que Pasa: *slices through Manilow with pen and pencil*
Lupina: :: shoots fire from fingers to Manilow::
White Panther: *bites shoulder off*
Lupina: :: eyes widen:: FIRE HEHEHEHHEHE! ::lights everything around up:: Ignis ignis ignis!
Que Pasa: Whatever floats your boat.
Lupina: =^D
Jebus: I'M A BOAT! : o
Que Pasa: Excellent! While Babyface is taking our ship to the cleaners, Jebus can be our new boat!
White Panther: ...
That Krazy Dude: Are you floating?
Lupina: Go Aeolus! Get him!
Jebus: OWL!
White Panther: I'm floating. Metaphorically.
Lupina: :: Aeolus flies in but Manilow eats him:: Aeolus! Nooooooo!
Que Pasa: What was that, Aeolus 8?
Lupina: No Aeolus 1! I never have a new one, but he's dead now permanently, meaning I lack a bird!
Que Pasa: That's what she said.
That Krazy Dude: I'm floating on sunshine, whooooaaaaa!
::Manilow stares as they have their dialogue::
Lupina: I'm walking on sunshine...
That Krazy Dude: Aeolus is dead!?
Lupina: Yes, he's dead.
That Krazy Dude: SWEET!
Jebus: YAY! DANCE EVERYBODY!
White Panther: Mroww!
Que Pasa: That poor owl, never stood a chance.
*Manilow, now part-liquid, his body expands and pulls in each pirate into his body like a horrible gelatinous blob.*
That Krazy Dude: Why is it so gelatinous in this blob?
Que Pasa: Because he's da man-ilow
Lupina: Lolo, I see.
Que Pasa: How do we escape? So we can continue celebrating Aelous's death?
Lupina: I have an idea! :: gets out cell phone::
White Panther: *points to sign that says "ESCAPE ROUTE" pointing to the left*
Lupina: Well that works too.
That Krazy Dude: Interesting.
Lupina: I was gonna call the Ghostbusters.
White Panther: Or that.
That Krazy Dude: ...
Que Pasa: *swims to escape route*
That Krazy Dude: I guess I'll follow him.
White Panther: *joins Que Pasa*
That Krazy Dude: Pretty convenient that someone put an escape route here for us.
Que Pasa: I know, right?
Lupina: LOOK OUT! IT'S A TRAP!!!!!!
White Panther: Is it?!
*A group of Bronze Cobra nanobots home in on the crew.*
Nanobot: Collect their DNA samples, and leave their remains.
White Panther: Aw damn.
Lupina: It's like Dragonball Z. Remember, with Cell?
Que Pasa: I'd rather not.
That Krazy Dude: So...
Lupina: ::looks around for evil cameras:: I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE UP TO GERO!
That Krazy Dude: Someone start this fight. I like to follow, not lead.
Nanobot: (extends a dildo) Homing on Target 1: Lupina Shadow. Attack from behind.
White Panther: Oh. My.
That Krazy Dude: ... That's disturbing.
White Panther: *steps back a couple steps* Quite.
*The other Nanobots produce their own weapons of torture and surround the remaining pirates*
Lupina: O_O
White Panther: Oh god.
Lupina: :: kicks nanobot away and it explodes:: No dildos, never!
White Panther: *claws at a nanobot* It's not working!?
Que Pasa: Wait, that gives me a plan! We have to aim for the heart!
White Panther: I can't reach!
Que Pasa: *grabs dildo, loads it into cannon nose, then fires it upward*
White Panther: Did you just.....
Jebus: ... Eww.
That Krazy Dude: Damn, you're a brave guy.
White Panther: I think I'm gonna be sick.
*The dildo impacts Manilow's heart and causes a mass chain reaction.*
Lupina: Whoa, duck!
Que Pasa: He's falling apart! He's falling apart!
That Krazy Dude: What a shitty way to go. A dildo to the heart.
White Panther: That really sucks.
Lupina: Shut up and move!!!!!
That Krazy Dude: Is this the dramatic escape scene?
Que Pasa: Yes it is!
That Krazy Dude: Oh these are usually fun.
Lupina: Hell yes!:: Baywatch music plays as they swim::
White Panther: Oh boy.
*Mannilow's body falls apart, and the pirates are carried along the waves of his remains*
That Krazy Dude: Silly blob!
White Panther: What happened to No Name?
Que Pasa: He's stuck to your back from the digestive fluids.
White Panther: *looks over shoulder* O HAY!
No Name: Yo
That Krazy Dude: You two have become one.
White Panther: Hmm... I did not see this coming. This will definitely have an effect on my sex life.
Lupina: You have a sex life? No one on the GCPA does! (Editor's Note: Has he READ any of the stories?!)
White Panther: I do.
Jebus: I do!
White Panther: We do!
That Krazy Dude: ...The Guz does threesomes now? That's creepy.
Jebus: ... Eww!
White Panther: ....
Jebus: . : (
White Panther: Awkwarrrrrrrd.
Que Pasa: She hasn't met Stampede yet.
That Krazy Dude: ... She does threesomes?
Que Pasa: Doesn't everyone?
White Panther: Yeahh I have no clue who you're talking about... The fuck is Stampede? Sounds mad gay!
That Krazy Dude: That's weird. Oh no, I was reading that part from an Entertainment Weekly magazine. Somehow he got in there.
Agent Meyer: I'll pretend I didn't hear that.
White Panther: Oh. Okay.
That Krazy Dude: Knew we shouldn't have left him in Vegas.
White Panther: You went to Vegas? Why didn't I join earlier?
That Krazy Dude: ...Maybe.
White Panther: Rawr.
Agent Meyer: With Manilow's remains, we have a way of pinpoing the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy's new headquarters. A trail of bread crumbs, if you will.
White Panther: Pinpoing!
*Agent Meyer takes a piece of Manilow's remains and places it in a vintage Pong game.*
Que Pasa: Thank you, bearded plot device!
White Panther: Sweet! Where to, sir?
That Krazy Dude: I want a sandwich!
White Panther: Oh Lupina!
Agent Meyer: The coordinates are hidden in the high score.
Lupina: Only one person can beat this for us. We must find Waffles.
White Panther: O_O
That Krazy Dude: ...
Que Pasa: He's a lost soul!
That Krazy Dude: Waffles, the creature of legend.
Que Pasa: He was spotted in northern Cambodia ten weeks ago. Then again in southwestern Siberia five days ago.
Agent Meyer: He's eluded all of our best agents. But if anyone can tackle this mission, it's a highly-trained team of bears. But I guess this ragtag band of pirates might be able to do it.
Lupina: We must find him. If not, our only other option is to never see the Cap'n again.
That Krazy Dude: We can do it.
Lupina: Let's find him! But where can we start?
Que Pasa: ...Alright, crew. Let's do it. And find Wafuru!
White Panther: Yes! On three. One...
That Krazy Dude: All we have to do is watch a bunch of inspirational movies that promote teamwork and friendship through acts of hardship and we'll be fine.
White Panther: Two.... THREE!
Lupina: I last heard he was in the Nintendo store of NYC.
White Panther: ...Someone yell something inspiring..
Que Pasa: *The GCPA starts sprinting in a random direction*
That Krazy Dude: ...
White Panther: Yes!
That Krazy Dude: GO MAD DOGS!
White Panther: YES!
Que Pasa: Darz!
White Panther: Rawr!! *pounces*
Lupina: RABBLE!
Que Pasa: First, to lure him out, we need some random old Sega games. And I know just the guy...
*Cue to pirates raiding the dorm room of one Gregory Livingston.*
Que Pasa: Alright, Golem! Surrender the Burning Rangers!
Gregory Livingston/Golem: Never!
*Gregory grabs his roommate, a guitar, and then boards a giant robot.*
Gregory Livingston: In the name of Classic Sega, I will crush you all!
That Krazy Dude: Boss battle!!
White Panther: Aw snap!
Lupina: Let's rock this! :: curls into ball and spin dashes into the robot:: It's no effect. My rings!!!!
Gregory Livingston: I have perfected Dr. Eggman's schematics in the time I have pretended to spend on schoolwork! Roommate, fire the robot cannons!
White Panther: X_X *bares teef*
*The guitar presses some buttons, which causes cannons to begin firing lasers at the pirates.*
Lupina: Only one thing to do, guys! Krazy, but out a guitar solo like crazy!
No Name: Ooh ooh, I wanna be Sonic!
That Krazy Dude: ...Music battle!?!? Let's do this!!!!
White Panther: *looks at Krazy Dude* DO IT.
That Krazy Dude: *whips out salmon* Wrong thing.
White Panther: >_>
Gregory Livingston: TOOT TOOT SONIC WARRIOR!
Lupina: We need a solo if my plan is gonna work!
That Krazy Dude: *tosses salmon aside*
Que Pasa: *catches salmon and feeds it to No Name*
That Krazy Dude: *whips out coca cola can* Damn, wrong again! *takes a sip and tosses it aside*
White Panther: Come on Krazy Dude!
Que Pasa: *transforms Coca Cola can into Beowulf and begins beating it senseless*
White Panther: Not Beowulf! He was a hero once! *turns to No Name* By the way, hello. I don't believe we've met before!
No Name: Hey, I have no name, I'm pretty ugly, and I like long lightsaber battles on the beach!
White Panther: Awesome!
That Krazy Dude: *whips out guitar* Let's do this!!!! *grabs guitar pick and plugs guitar into amp* Yeah!!!! *strings snap* Fuck.
White Panther: ...
That Krazy Dude: So much for that, huh? *takes guitar and starts beating Livingston with it*
Lupina: Yes, now... :: grabs a Chaos Emerald:: Que Pasa! Let's do this! Chaos!!!!!
Que Pasa: Dance!
*The robot is possessed by Chaos energy and dances until it breaks down*
Gregory Livingston: NO! Space Harrier... I've failed you... (transforms into a cockroach)
That Krazy Dude: We can leave him now. He is powerless. And very soon, his family will discover his monstrous metamorphosis and disown him.
Que Pasa: ...Okay, we got our Sega games! Now let's set that trap for Waffles.
White Panther: *chews on Lupina's arm*
Que Pasa: *collects the Sega games and some printed out hentai, then puts them in a bird feeder that's covered in glue*
Lupina: To sweeten the pot, I'll play the sound Waffles can't resist.
Jebus: -steals all Phantasy Star games- : p
Lupina: :: Live and Learn plays::
White Panther: ...Well then.
That Krazy Dude: ... So.
Lupina: Wait.
*Waffles runs on air due to tiny wings on his shoes and is caught in the trap, and he begins flailing helplessly.*
That Krazy Dude: Is this like...a stake out?
Lupina: There he is! I told you he existed!
That Krazy Dude: (looks up and sees Waffles) Oh hey, convenient.
White Panther: Sweet!
That Krazy Dude: What do you want me to do? Suck your balls? (SOUTH PARK REFERENCE!!!!) If you do, you're in for an upset because I'm not doing it.
Que Pasa: Hey Waffles play some Pong for us.
Waffles:: First you must prove your leetness to me.
Que Pasa: No thanks we don't need to be sidetracked any more.
Waffles: Fine, but I'm taking Ristar and this Sonic hentai
That Krazy Dude: Damn, I wanted the hentai!
Lupina: o_O
*Waffles plays Pong and makes his way to the high score, then evaporates into the morning mist*
Que Pasa: He lives in us.
That Krazy Dude: Like a Force Ghost?
*"He Lives In You" from Lion King 2: The Crappy Sequel begins playing*
Lupina: We will never forget him!
That Krazy Dude: ... So now what?
Agent Meyer: Hm... according to this high score... the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy is based in some place called... High Tech High School.
Que Pasa: Hubba-WHA?
That Krazy Dude: Damn! It's probably one of those schools in the middle of nowhere. Like North Bergen, New Jersey or something.
No Name: And at the bottom of a steep, traffic-infested hill.
That Krazy Dude: Heh. What would the odds of that be, though?
Agent Meyer: According to my Oddemefier... One Hundred percent.
That Krazy Dude: ...Fuck.
*Soon they're at the top of the hill.*
That Krazy Dude: This hill's tricky. We might need a guide or something.
White Panther: Can we go sledding down it?
That Krazy Dude: Wonder who would be here to guide us at *looks at watch* 8:40 AM?
*Dave walks past*
That Krazy Dude: Oh hey!
No Name: Wait! Everyone! Look up!
*The Golden Cheesecake floats above them.*
White Panther: X_X !!!
Babyface McTraitorpants: Stop right there! You've gotten too far!
Lupina: He's back from the cleaners!
White Panther: Hmm..
*The Golden Cheesecake's cannons open fire.*
White Panther: Oh boy.
Que Pasa: Babyface... what is this?
Lupina: Oh dear.
Morgan Feeman: To be continued LOL
White Panther: I can meet more of the crew! Officially!
That Krazy Dude: Yay! Maybe even Stampede, if he gets back from Vegas.
White Panther: The hell is this guy doing in Vegas?
Week Eight: Amazing Filler Episode
by GORE-ILLA, That Krazy Dude and Mini-Myself on October 27, 2007
Tonight, three men shall chat.
Morgan Freeman: Last time-
*Suddenly a cannoball fired by the Golden Cheesecake flies down and hits Que Pasa, That Krazy Dude and Mini-Myself. And they are hit by lightning at the same time.*
That Krazy Dude: It's like Mario Kart!
Morgan Feeman: OH NO A FILLER EPISODE!
That Krazy Dude: Except painful!
Mini-Myself: And we aren't losing now.
*When the lightning clears, there is no sign of Que Pasa, Krazy Dude or Mini-Myself*
That Krazy Dude: Did I become a disembodied voice? I've always wanted to be one of those.
You zoom in to see that Mini-Myself has shrunken them just in time and saved them all.
Que Pasa: Wait... we're not in the same place anymore...
That Krazy Dude: I don't think we're in North Bergen anymore, guys.
Mini-Myself: Damn it, I knew I shouldn't have had Lupine's chili!
Que Pasa: You there! What day is it?
Greco: Why it's Almost-Halloween 2004, sir!
That Krazy Dude: 2004!?!?!
Mini-Myself: WAAAH!!!!!111
Que Pasa: OH NO EVERYONE HAS APHROS
That Krazy Dude: And afros too!
Que Pasa: AND DAVE HAS A MOHAWK
That Krazy Dude: That's...weird...
Mini-Myself: Or is it....
Gorenicus: Hey freshmen! Get out of my school!
Mini-Myself: HEY FAGGOT GO HOME AND EAT A BANANA
That Krazy Dude: Donkey? Is that you?
Gorenicus: That's it! Yo' goin' down, punks!
Mini-Myself: WAKALA RUUUN! Oh wait he's a freshmen, I dont care anymore.
That Krazy Dude: I want some cake.
Que Pasa: My GCPA decoder ring isn't getting a signal... this is before the GCPA was formed!
That Krazy Dude: No!!!
Mini-Myself: * looks down the hall to see that the school is selling cake* Oooh goody!
That Krazy Dude: Yes!!!
Que Pasa: Awesome, let's buy some.
Mini-Myself: TODAY WE DINE OVER THERE ---->
That Krazy Dude: ...By the scroll bar?
Mini-Myself: Exactly. Wait ....no, at that empty space.
That Krazy Dude: Oh okay.
*The GCPA walks over to the cake table. The seller turns around to reveal... Count Gonad.*
Mini-Myself: There better not be any nuts in my cake.
Gonad: Lost in time, eh pirates?
That Krazy Dude: When were you guys in our class?
Que Pasa: What?
Gonad: I'm here to make sure you never interfere with the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy!
Gorenicus: And I'm Joe Gearman's identical twin!
Mini-Myself: O.O
That Krazy Dude: ...Wow I never noticed the resemblance.
Mini-Myself: May I have permission to beat to death now?
Gorenicus: You can't kill me now you'll destroy all continuity!
Mini-Myself: Damn it, he's right! Wait... Wouldn't it make it easier for ourselves if we just killed 'em now?
Gonad: Yes but that would ruin multiple plots.
Mini-Myself: True true.
That Krazy Dude: Yeah, think of all the sidequests that will never happen!
Que Pasa: We never would have tangoed in Rome!
That Krazy Dude: Exactly!
Mini-Myself: All of the orphans left un-orphaned...
That Krazy Dude: Even exactlier!
Que Pasa: Or lassoed those bulls in Zimbabwe!
That Kraz Dude: Exactlierer!
Mini-Myself: Or went sky diving over the Mexican border.
That Krazy Dude: [add "exactly" spin-off here]
Que Pasa: There's only one person who can help us.
Mini-Myself: Is it me?
That Krazy Dude: Captain Planet?
Que Pasa: To Mr. Feeny! The Physics Feeny that is.
That Krazy Dude: Or him.
Mini-Myself: It's never me... TO FEENEY!
*Batman spin transition*
Que Pasa: Feeny, build us a time machine to take us four years in the future.
Feeny: Huh? Oh you can use my Space Hopper machine.
That Krazy Dude: Intriguing.
Feeney: I see you met my clone Mr. Feeny! Isn't it a work of art? The only difference between us two is the spelling of our names
Que Pasa: Sure, hook us up! I see no negative outcome of this!
*Que Pasa, Krazy Dude and Mini-Myself hook themselves up and red strobe lights flash as the machine activates.*
Mini-Myself: Don't forget the smoke!
Feeny: Oh no, it's a strange green glow! A telltale sign that not all is well!
That Krazy Dude: Not that!
*The machine suddenly explodes.*
Mini-Myself: Why didn't I see that coming?
Feeney: You fools! A portal to an alternate universe has opened, and it's all your fault!
Mini-Myself: For some strange rzn I thought this was gonna happen.
That Krazy Dude: Yes, for some very strange rzn this seems like something that would be likely to happen to us.
Que Pasa: I eat rzns in my oatmeal.
*Extremely Sane Guy, Nan Deska, Mega-Myself and Denise Scrooge appear from the portal.*
Nan Deska: Lo, brothers! A new universe, ripe for conquering! We must findeth Chef Lupine and shanketh him, until doth he breathe no more!
That Krazy Dude: Well, at least there's some common ground (oh burn!...nah I'm kiddin')
Denise Scrooge: Shut up and get to work already, my minions!
That Krazy Dude: ... This is gonna be one strange side quest.
Extremely Sane Dude: The Earth is round and the water is made of hydrogen and oxygen
That Krazy Dude: You're face is round and it's also made of my fist!
Nan Deska: How eloquent! Yet how futile. For this summer sun sets with the end of your lives!
Mega-Myself: Do you actually think u can beat me, tiny
Mini-Myself: Raaaaaaahhh!
Feeny and Feeney: (hide behind desks with copies of Bourne Identity)
*Mini-Myself jumps at Mega-Myself who slaps him away*
Extremely Sane Dude: You have a beard.
That Krazy Dude: You have an ugly!
*Que Pasa and Nan Deska begin sumo wrestling.*
Mini-Myself: Time for my signature move.
Mega-Myself: Let me guess, you're gonna shrink.
Mini-Myself: ......Shutup.
Que Pasa: Oh let's do that thing where we split up and fight each other's clones!
That Krazy Dude: Will there be fight music?
Mini-Myself: Who's getting who, I suppose? We can make fight music. We have the technology/
Que Pasa: *lifts up the Audio Tech classroom*
That Krazy Dude: ... *lunges at Nan Deska*
Que Pasa: *leaps onto Mega-Myself's back*
Mini-Myself: (jumps at Extremely Sane Dude)
Que Pasa: Watch out! He's extremely sane! And he's not afraid to use it.
That Krazy Dude: The Audio Tech classroom was merely a distraction.
Mini-Myself: It gave me enough time to walk up to the guy.
Que Pasa: But who can take on the Evil Denise?
That Krazy Dude: ...Anybody got a vagina?
Que Pasa: I know! We'll find the Freshman version of Edwin! *slammed into ground by Mega-Myself's fist*
*Que Pasa fills tip of pencil with sedative, then leaps back onto Mega-Myself's back and, while struggling to stay on like riding a bull, injects it into his neck. Mega-Yourself begins to slow down.*
That Kraz Dude: *grabs a nearby mop that Feeney was keeping in his closet for some reason*
Que Pasa: *grabs a nearby Feeny and fires it from nose cannon at Mega-Myself*
That Krazy Dude: *starts to duel Nan Deska, wielding a pen and pencil*
Nan Deska: Your resistance to defeat is unnecessary. This duel will result in your defeat!
Que Pasa: *begins typing rapidly at a console, and the portal begins flowing in reverse and sucking in things.*
That Krazy Dude: *striking at Nan Deska furiously* Why do I imagine you talking like Maximillion Pegasus!?
Nan Deska: I have no idea, Krazy-Boy.
*Nan Deska begins spinning in place*
Que Pasa: Everyone, brace yourself! And brace your braces!
Mini-Myself: BUT I DONT HAVE BRACES!
GORE ILLA 117: Then you'll die!
Mini-Myself: Noooooo!
*Mega-Yourself collapses from the sedative and is sucked into the Bizarro portal.*
Mini-Myself: I'll never die.
Feeny: AHHHH!!! (slips and is sucked into the portal)
Feeney: (reaches out dramatically yet futiley) NOOO! BROTHER!
That Krazy Dude: I didn't even get to eat cake yet!
Extremely Sane Dude: Hah! Fools I have nailed myself down to the floorboards! (floor gets rippes up with Extremely Sane Dude still attached)
Mini-Myself: Wow all I had to do was jump at him twice.
Nan Deska: My spinning movement doth provideth perfect equilibrium so no portal may sucketh me up!
That Krazy Dude: ...
Nan Deska: Krazy-Boy, I dare thee to try and gain the uppance against me!
That Krazy Dude: *punches Nan Deska in the face*
*Nan Deska flies into the portal*
Denise Scrooge: (floats in the air, powered by pure hatred) Not so fast! Those fools won't get a Christmas bonus, but I'm not ready to leave yet!
???: Not if I have anything to say about it!
Mini-Myself: ANYTHING!
That Krazy Dude: Who is that!?
*Freshman Edwin flies in on a jet plane and fires a missile, which knocks Denise Scrooge back into the portal*
Diandora: I WILL- oh... too late... (walks off to Florida)
Mini-Myself: Better walk!
Feeny: Yes, a lack of evil clones! A telltale sign that all is well again!
miniature myself: No flying in my other dimensional school! WAIT A SECOND, I had a great idea. Why don't we clone ourselves using Feeney's cloning machine? I mean it works out fine. It just changes your name slightly. We will be unstoppable!
That Krazy Dude: ... Or!!!! We can buy a peice of cake and clone it! And have several pieces of cake
Que Pasa: Let's do it!
*Mini-Myself jumps into cloning machine*
Mini-Myself: IT WORKS!
Mini-M'self: (jumps out and gets shot by Stampede)
Stampede: NO MORE CLONES!
Mini-Myself: ...Cake it is!
That Krazy Dude: So who's buying the cake?
Mini-Myself: My money shrunk in the wash...
That Krazy Dude: ...I would kill you, but I can just watch you die.
Count Gonad: You guys are still here? Maybe the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy really willl win!
Mini-Myself: Who, me?
That Krazy Dude: *throws Mini-Myself into the clone machine over and over and watches as Stampede shoots each clone* That was satisfying.
Mini-Myself: Well as long as I don't die, I don't care.
That Krazy Dude: Oh damn.
Que Pasa: Gonad! How did you get here?
Mini-Myself: He's been here.
That Krazy Dud: Gonad's here. I forgot about that.
Que Pasa: Yeah, but he came from the future too. He must have a way back!
Mini-Myself: He video taped the whole thing and sold it on the black market.
Gonad: Of course. I used Morgan Feeman.
Mini-Myself: MORGAN FREEMAN'S CLONE!!!!
Gonad: Yes. An imperfect clone developed by the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy
That Krazy Dude: We have to find Feeman! *Willian walks in* Not Ferman! Feeman!
Morgan Freeman: And so the pirates searched for the enigmatic Feeman.
Mini-Myself: *Willian gets mauled by Zoe* I guess "Jew" didn't see that coming! Hahahahehehe!
That Krazy Dude: ... That one kinda sucked.
Mini-Myself: I know.
Que Pasa: I've got it! (lunges forward to stab Gonad in the face)
Mini-Myself: That solves everything.
Gonad: Quick, Feeman, narrate me out of this!
Morgan Feeman: Count Gonad dodges.
That Krazy Dude: Damn it!
Que Pasa: There he is! Get him!
That Krazy Dude: *dives for Feeman*
Mini-Myself: *jumps on Yoshi's back* APPLES FOR ALL!!!! THIS IS...... ...that place where we are now....
Que Pasa: *flies into Feeman's nose and begins pumelling it*
Mini-Myself: CHARGE! *Yoshi uses his final smash on Feeman*
That Krazy Dude: *is still diving*
Que Pasa: *grabs a Final Smash ball*
*Yoshi accidentally eats it while trying to get Feeman, swallows it, and explodes due to the 1 per round rule.*
Que Pasa: *floats up above Morgan Feeman and points nose down at him; nose transforms into a giant tank cannon, charges up and fires at Feeman*
That Krazy Dude: *is in diving limbo*
Mini-Myself: *grabs many objects, shrinks them and stuffs them in the cannon* CANON READY FIRST MATE! FIRE SECOND SALVO ROUND
Que Pasa: I shall fire! *fires away*
*Several away messages fly out of Que Pasa's nose.*
Mini-Myself: *as the objects fly out of the canon he unshrinks them and they become huge bludgering objects*
Morgan Feeman: My emperor... I've failed you! (begins falling apart)
That Krazy Dude: *lands on morgan feeman and begins pummeling him with a mop*
Count Gonad: No! He's my ticket to ride! Now I'll never get back to the future!
That Krazy Dude: ...Overkill?
Mini-Myself: Just a bit.
Morgan Feeman: Honk honk (explodes)
That Krazy Dude: So...what do we do now?
Mini-Myself: ...
That Krazy Dude: We're kind of here in the past.
Que Pasa: I don't know.
That Krazy Dude: ...
Que Pasa: I didn't think that far ahead.
Mini-Myself: Can we clone a dead clone?
Que Pasa: Wait.
That Krazy Dude: Yes?
Que Pasa: At this point in time we were a trio of acrobats. Let's find ourselves!
Mini-Myself: Luckily the circus was in town.
That Krazy Dude: Acrobats know the way to the future? Mini-Myself: Of course. Why else would they dress in spandex
*They walk down the hallway. Random junior girl walks up to That Krazy Dude.*
Mini-Myself: O.O
Que Pasa: COULD IT BE
Junior Girl: Hey...think you can help me with some geometry later?
That Krazy Dude: ...I don't look anything like the way I did freshman year.
Mini-Myself: Hush you're ruining the story.
That Krazy Dude: Was she really looking for me?
*Freshman Krazy Dude, Freshman Que Pasa and Freshman Mini-Myself are in a tightrope routine.*
Mini-Myself: !!!
That Krazy Dude: Was it that she was never looking for some guy who looked a lot like me?
Que Pasa: Or was it a sandwich she wanted?
Mini-Myself: Maybe she saw the future you and thought the freshmen you was you.
That Krazy Dude: ...Oh hey, sorry girl. I'm a year older than you. Too young for me. Later. Now about our past selves...
Que Pasa: Alright. The three of you. I want you to remember this. Four years from now, don't get hit by a cannonball.
That Krazy Dude: Or lightning.
Minia-Myself: Or any combination of the two.
Freshmen Us: Sirs, yes sirs!
*Suddenly all three are back in 2008 atop the hill.*
Que Pasa: We did it!
That Kraz Dude: How did we manage to avoid getting hit by a cannonball...or lightning?
Que Pasa: We dodged. After taking our Lupine Pills.
Mini-Myself: We turned slightly left.
That Krazy Dude: Of course, Lupine Pills! You can dodge anything with those,
Que Pasa: Even your own attacks.
That Krazy Dude: And get a bunch of totally rigged powers with it. See watch! *throws fire at someone* *kicks the shit out of someone* *takes out pole and beats people with it*
Mini-Myself: *turns gay* Damn it, I got the defective one!
That Krazy Dude: *controls various elements*
Que Pasa: Watch him dodge bullets! Energy beams! Gay, emo and fool jokes! All in one classic collection. The Best of Lupine Shadow!
That Krazy Dude: *summons dead owl*
Mini-Myself: *turns ungay* No wait that was the real defective one. *changes name 5 times at once*
That Krazy Dude: So now that we're back...
White Panther: Guys what the hell.
That Krazy Dude: I guess we kind of have to recapture our ship.
Babyface McTraitorpants: GAWAWAGAGAG!
Que Pasa: We'll do that.
Morgan Freeman: To be continued, when more fucking people decide to come on!
That Krazy Dude: Yay!
Week Nine
| Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 |