Slort Goomboy

Full Name: Slort
Birthdate: Dawn of Time
Species: Goombeli mushroom
Nationality: Garden of Eden
Creator: Luigi of the Pipes
First Appearance: Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik 3: Very Foreign Policy

Background

When the world began, two mushrooms were there. The Goombeli mushrooms possessed microscopic roots that did not draw nutrients, nor did they require physical contact, but could instead draw energy from the auras of lifeforms within their environments. Given that they were created within a vast garden, they spent their first centuries with an endless flow of energy, expanding their aura-draining ability to encompass the entire garden. Being mushrooms, they used none of it.

The considerable amount of energy that the mushrooms drew revitalized their cells indefinitely, giving them the equivalent of immortality; if a cell was damaged, it instantly rebuilt itself. They remained long after the garden had wilted, were found and passed through many hands (including a friar named Louis of the Tubes), and were, several millenia later (in 1685), left by a little town in Italy. There they were found by a madman named Georgio Kovacs, who claimed that he was Lugius Caesar, last of the Roman Emperors. Lugius named the two Slort and Splog and carried them with him everywhere, claiming that he could hear them speaking to him when they were in fact saying nothing (they were still missing mouths, after all).

Lugius kept the mushrooms with him throughout his events with the Ennead. After accepting that he would never become the Emperor, Lugius imagined a forest in the New World where they could live. Through the magic of S-Space, this forest came true, and they left seeking it. Splog was lost to the sea along the way, and has yet to return (save for a brief appearance in Gamehiker Member OG 3). Slort and Lugius spent their last days in the dubbed "Forest of the Pipes", Slort remaining long after Lugius had passed on.

In 1980, Slort was chanced upon by a family of goombas known as the Goomboys. Drawing from their auras triggered an immediate evolution that turned Slort into a goomba as well, though unable to speak properly; everything he said came out in a random gibberish. Since one of the Goomboys was named Splog, and since Splog could understand Slort's gibberish, he allowed himself to be adopted by them.

Splog ran away a few years later. Slort survived and came upon Lucas Hanimar, also orphaned, and took it upon himself to raise him. Trading a drop of blood with Lucas caused the boy to grow even more microscopic roots, allowing him to draw enough energy to create fire and translate Slort's speech.

After Lucas had grown old enough to fend for himself, Slort left the forest and earned money for their future. He found Splog Goomboy and invited him back to the forest when their financial concerns were no more. He re-met Lucas, now renamed Luigi of the Pipes, ten years later, and the three of them built their own private town within the Forest of the Pipes.

Timeline History

Good Timeline

Slort stayed in the Forest of the Pipes while Luigi left to attend DigiPen. He was called upon by Golem to assist in the theft of Yami Yoshi's cheesecake, but was eventually sucked into a Plot Hole. Masamune freed him later, so Slort joined the crew of the S.S. Swordefeller.

Luigi, meanwhile, had been corrupted by Murasame and angered further that Masamune would steal Slort from him. Slort openly rejected Luigi's new methods, forcing Luigi to rethink his villainy.

When earth was destroyed in 2065, Slort survived and began to chase around Dodo McFeller's son, having promised to protect him. He was immediately given the slip.

Neutral Timeline

When Ditto McCloaker began looking for a temporary Vice-President in 2001, Slort and Luigi (and later Splog) made their way to Washington D.C. so that Slort could apply. He wasn't elected, but he was given a bum job as the Secretary of Health (which caused some conflict later when they realized that Fuzzball already had the position), and later moved to Secretary of Agriculture. He privately supported Luigi's Bull Goomba party in the 2004 election, but stayed on the side enough that he wasn't fired along with Luigi when Vorpal won the election anyway.

Quotes

"Abuka torrim poblom uk."
"Uru marp culib norsi nono."
"O."
"Hebi no kapa bubka somis simos siblos hapi kona awesme tobik ki."
"A pa."