Story:MMEDDP Chapter 9
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Chapter 9
Vorpal: This is all so confusing!
Ditto: What?
Vorpal: This Kikki's Delivery Service, I've watched 3 times already and I still don't understand it!
Ditto: How can someone not understand such a masterpiece?
Vorpal: I say we watch Mortal Kombat or maybe Street Fighter or even the Pokémon Movie, just not this again!!!!!!!
Ditto: Chill out.
Vorpal: I'm hungry. You got anymore Subway cards?
Ditto: heh heh, umm no.
Vorpal: WHAT!?!?!?!
Ditto: Well. i was a little hungry and I . . .
Vorpal: We had at least 75 yesterday!
Ditto: Okay so maybe I was a little more than a little hungry.
Vorpal: That's great. Where are we going to get the money to eat?
Ditto and the Lady in Red: The Social Security Lock Box!
Vorpal: Of course! All we have to do is sneak into the White House and get into Algore's Lock box. But how?
Sgt. Flutter: Here and accounted for, sir!
Vorpal: All right! Let's start plannin'!
Narrator: Out in Alaska,
All covered with snows
there appeared a Bush-ler,
Whom everyone knows.
And he planned to build a derrick
To pump up the oil
While darkening the sky
And polluting the soil.
Narrator: Suddenly, out of a nearby stump, a figure appears.
With a long, sallow cheek,
And long, pointy ears.
He's shortish,
and brownish,
and oldish,
and mossy,
and speaks in a voice,
that's sharpish and bossy.
Figure: "Mister!" cried he, with a sawdusty sneeze,
I am Ralph Nader, I speak for the trees!"
Dubya: *smacks himself in forehead* Oh no. Not him again.
Dubya: "Look you" he cried, " I'm trying to drill!
This is my big chance,
To score a cool mil!
Besides" he added, "This will do us all good!
I promise it'll help us more than that OPEC would!
I'll start when I'm elected, that's why I'll defend it,
I say because we shouldn't be Middle-Eastern Dependent!"
Nader: "I am the Nader! I speak for the trees!
Please stop your drilling, young man if you please!"
Dubya: "Your argument has no credence,
In lands such as these,
For if you look all about you,
You'll see there aren't any trees!"
Vorpal leans out the window of Doki Doki Panik HQ and yells down to the dormant Masamune.
Vorpal: Hey, Masa!
Masamune: What do you want?
Vorpal: What was your political party? And animal?
Masamune: Oh umm... Birdocrats! And our animal is... the… the Falcon!
Dodo: Wow, so ironic....
Masamune: I make up as I go, better than elephants and donkeys...
Vorpal: Hmm that was quite an adventure we had, sneaking into the White House.
Ditto: Too, bad no one out there gets to hear about it.
Vorpal: Stupid November Election!!!
Lady in Red: Oh snap! The elections are right around the corner!
Vorpal: No kidding.
Ditto: This is serious.
Vorpal: I think it's time to activate your new idea, Ditto.
Lady in Red: As much as I am against going against the sake of the law and all that, well, it doesn't seem we have much choice...
elsewhere...
Clintin': Boys, our situation is about to get worse.
Gore: How could it possibly get worse?
Pukecannon: You had to ask?
Clintin': Well.. Chelsea said that...
Gore: What?
Clintin': Well, let's just say that we're going to get more pressure.
Voice: Al! I've had enough of your incompetence!
Clintin': You see... Hillary's off to New York, and she left us with another replacement...
Gore: Oh NO!
Clintin': Yep... Tipper.
Pukecannon: Your wife can't be that bad, Al.
Gore: That's not the point! If she gets involved... I'm toast...
Tipper: Al, I think you are going a poor job of getting the presidency. Didn't Bill teach you anything? *Pauses* Then again, he is Bill...
Clintin': Hey!
Gore: Dear... now is not the time... elections next week you know.
Pukecannon: I guess we can kiss this presidency goodbye.
CHAPTER 23: THE SECRET OF ALGORE
Clintin': Well, since Hellary's off in New York, and God knows where Chillsea snuck off too, I need someone to do the thinking around here.
Narrator: Clintin' pushes a secret button on his desk. A secret door opens behind a picture of Washington, and he, Pukecannon, Algore, and Tipper walk in and descend into what appears to be a secret laboratory. Lined against the walls are various headless robotic bodies, dressed in suits.
Tipper: As you know, I'm the one who's been orchestrating my husband's efforts to "reinvent" himself. Literally.
Narrator: Suddenly, Tipper reaches underneath Algore's tie and presses a hidden switch. Suddenly, his head disconnects itself from his body, and scrambles down onto a workbench on little mechanical legs.
Pukecannon: *horrified* Oh my GOD! He's a ROBOT?!?
Clintin': *chuckling* Surprised?
Pukecannon: *thinks for a moment* ...No, not really, actually.
Tipper: You see, I met him years ago at Harvard. Like most Harvard students, his father had used his wealth and influence to get him in, even though he was an unpromising, dull, C-Average hippie. Oddly enough, I fell in love with him. Then he went to Vietnam. What no one knows is that, while there, his helicopter was shot down over the Journalist Base Tennis Court, and he was horribly mangled. I had secretly studied bionics at Harvard, and used my skill to rebuild him. I made him stiffer; blander. I rebuilt him into the humorless, unemotional calculator he is today... *looks at him and sighs lovingly*
Clintin': Naturally, having dodged the draft while at Harvard myself, I heard about this project. I decided he would be the perfect person to offset my complete managerial incompetence and total lack of professionalism and help me become President.
Algore's Head: Well, me and Hellary.
Clintin': Yeah, well... *shrugs* Anyway, what did you have in mind Tipper?
Tipper: Well, the past "reinventing" efforts proved to be enormously successful. I created several different versions of my husband to meet the public's varying tastes...
"Natural" Algore... *indicates a robot body wearing an Earth-Tone suit and Boots, with a flower on it*
"Tough" Algore... *Indicates a body wearing a white shirt and tie, showing off a muscular build. Algore's head scurries onto its shoulders and it immediately drops and starts doing pushups*
"Sensitive" Algore... *wears flashy clothing. The head jumps off the other body and jumps into this one. Quickly, it sweeps Tipper off her feet and embraces her in a passionate kiss*
...Oooh! Down, Al! And, most recently, "Rolling Stone" Algore! *indicates a body wearing a white T-shirt, denim pants, and an unbuttoned jacket. The head jumps onto it and it quickly begins playing guitar*
Clintin': Of course. But what's left?
*Tipper rips a white sheet off to reveal a 12-foot tall shining metallic body wearing a white shirt and tie, wile also equipped with lasers, missiles, guns, and sawblades*
Tipper: ..."Super-Saiyan Death-Bot Al!" We think he will allow us to finally destroy those meddling Doki Doki Panikers while simultaneously attracting the coveted "15-25 Year-Old Loser" demographic!
Narrator: Algore's head crawls up and situates itself atop the fearsome body. He puts on sunglasses.
Clintin': Excellent.
--Later, at the Motel 8, Ditto and Vorpal sit in their room, watching "Star Wars"...--
Vorpal: Well, now good buddy, we play the waiting game. It just don't get no better n' this.
*suddenly, there is a huge noise coming from outside...*
Vorpal: Go see who that is, would you?
Ditto: Sure, fine. *goes to the door, but hesitates* Hey, Vorpal, you wanna know somethin?
Vorpal: What?
Ditto: Darth Vader turns out to be his father.
Vorpal: Yeah, right. *stares at screen. A few minutes later...* D'oh!
Ditto: *staring out the blinds* Uh-oh. Vorp, we got company...
Narrator: Ditto opens the blinds, and we see Deathbot Al approaching. Vorpal jumps over to another window and peeks out.
Vorpal: Over here too...
*Opens the shutters to reveal Dubya, Shrub, and Masamune approaching from the other side*
Ditto: Hey! Wait a minute! Where's the Lady In Red?
Vorpal: I don't know! Looks like we're on our own here!
Masamune, in his own room suddenly perks up.
Dodo: You sense some evil force you must stop?
Masamune: Nope, I'm hungry *goes up to get a drink but hears noise downstairs* You be Quiet down there, Vorpal, or I'll tell the Press you had Nose Hair Surgery!
Dodo: Why don’t we already?
Masamune: I'm too lazy... Hey, isn't that Murasame, Dubya and Shrub down there?
Dodo: It is sir, but why is Murasame sneaking around with them. I thought he decided to work on a different Forum.
Masamune: Hmmm.... Let's INVESTIGATE!!!!
Dodo: Oh boy, the election will be held soon. We can't risk anymore mistakes.
Masamune: When's the last time I made a mistake.... *thinks* Don't answer that one! If I'm not back in twenty Minutes... Bring in bird gang.
*Masamune jumps down behind Murasame who is in the alley with Dubya and Shrub*
Narrator: Will Murasame, Dubya, Shrub and all the others do their plans successfully?
Everyone: SHHHHH!!!
Narrator: *small voice* Stay Tuned....
The three of them stalk towards the building. The tall one wearing green overalls, the shorter one wearing noticeable cowboy attire, boots and spurs, a deputy star on his shirt, a lasso at his side. The other a mystery still.
Dubya: Shrub, do you know the reason why we're sneaking off to the Motel 8 with this character?
Shrub: Uh, nope.
The younger brother's words were usually regarded with pride and respect..
Dubya: Good, neither do I.
See, he understands.
Shrub: Besides being forced into this presidency thing due to dad's wishes, what are your final thoughts on this matter?
Dubya: Final?
Though it is obvious that some things may go over his head. Cries of fuzzy math pierce the air, but only in their minds. It's true. They haven’t lost yet, but it seems almost inevitable now..
Shrub: Ya know. We once held the popular vote but it's been taken by a bunch of youngsters who don't know much 'bout what they're doing. I know Dad's pretty upset 'bout that but the truth being there's not much we can do.
Dubya: Isn't that why we're here?
He who knows no answer still. His mind shrunken by the words of his father and betters. His dear mother still cries every night. 'I taught him the alphabet! I could have taught them all! I taught him how to count! Where has that all gone?'
Here in Texas we say, "fuzzy math"
Shrub: I guess so.
says the younger brother in response to his elder brothers obvious incompetence. The Bush name is no longer sacred, or is it?
Murasame: Will you two shut up? We're initiating the first step...
Dubya: Which is?
Murasame: Well, we figure the best way to rid ourselves of the competition is to use your motto, George!
Dubya: Eh?
Murasame: I was under the impression you were smarter than this [mutter] Execute them, my dear chap! I'm sure the old man would approve.
Shrub: Now just a minute! You can't use my brother’s sayings against him here!
A high pitched nasal voice cries out, "It's me Ralph Nader! I speak for the trees!" but likewise it is drowned out by a new arrival..
Masamune: [Appearing behind them] Uh, heh.. BOO!
Dodo: *nervous* Do you think that was wise, master?
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