The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA Chapter 6
| Chapters in The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 |
Chapter 6: Saget Unleashed
Author: No Name
No Name: So what have I missed?
Que Pasa: Nothing, just your mom! WOOOO sweet!
No Name: I see you're still up to your old antics, huh? I've sensed a disturbance in the Force.
Scruffy: Yes, it was... That Krazy Dude!
No Name: NO!!! He's not That Krazy Dude anymore, he is dead to us! Only Darth Moose remains!
Scruffy: I know you're angry, but you gotta control your anger or you'll fall to the same fate as Darth Moose!
No Name: Damn it! You're right, Cap!
Scruffy: Of course I'm right, that's why I'm the cap..duh!
No Name: I'm gonna go confront Darth Moose! Hopefully I can convert him back to being a pirate. € â€*The Golden Cheesecake finally lands on moon.*
*Darth Moose is inside some factory near a large lava bed looking down at the Golden Cheesecake.*
Scruffy: You smell that?
Que Pasa: Wasn't me.
Scruffy: No, it's Darth Moose!
No name: How do you know?
Scruffy: Pine sol!
Que Pasa: There's still good in him!!!!!!!
*A giant army of jumping brains leap their way towards the GCPA.*
No name: How much more random can this get?
*A giant hippo in a ballerina dress while balancing on a tack emerges from the army of leaping brains*
No Name: Spoke to soon...
Scruffy: Let's get these brains.
No Name: Let's get brains... Hahahahaha!!!
Que Pasa: I don't get it!
Scruffy: Teen Titans GO!! Azeria mentrio sinthos!!!!
*Scruffy destroys the lawsuit coming towards him and a good chunk of the brain army.*
*The leaping Brains then use their special abilities: Mind Control*
No Name: That only works on the weak-minded!
*The brain army then grab soap and shampoo*
*No Name and the rest of the pirate crew is brain washed..hehehe, except Salama*
Salama: Lucky me I don't have a mind of my own! My stomach does.
*Salama eats the remainder of the brain army.*
Que Pasa: Oh I get it now!
No Name: Only one things remains...
*From a distance, No Name sees Darth Moose on the landing platform and stares at Darth Moose in a dramatic way.*
No Name: We have to land the Golden Cheesecake on that landing platform. It's essential for the story to continue and it's the only way I can have my climatic battle with Darth Moose, plus I'm too lazy to walk up all those flight of stairs.
Mr. T: NO you lil punk, take the damn stairs!!
No Name: But Mr.T, do I have to?
Mr. T: I pity the fool who don't take the stairs!
*No Name runs up the millions of flights of stairs all winded and tired*
Mr. T: You know there was an elevator right?
No Name: Yea whatever.
*Nemo trips over cordless phone and plummets into lava*
Scruffy: That Krazy Dude!!! Remember where you came from!!! That's right! *points to his teste sack* You were just a little fish in my two bedroom apratment... but you were the fastest of those little fishes and then you got shot out my cannon!
Darth Moose: Fishes flee while the pink poodle solved Lorenz equation while using wood as a propeller for its silver spoon.
No Name: You've become stronger...
Darth Moose: The circle is now complete. When I left you I was but a learner and now I am the master
Que Pasa: Only a master of evil, Darth!!!
Scruffy: We should've left you on Tatooine.. Or Taco Bell... you know what I'm saying!
Darth Moose: I see through the lies of the GCPA! You have turned against me! You failed me, Master!
No Name: You have done that yourself. You have allowed this Dark Lord to twist your mind until now... until now you have become the very thing you swore to destroy.
Darth Moose: NO I am stronger then Darth Tang! Now I can destroy him! Join me, and leave the GCPA. Together we will rule the UNIVERSE!!
No Name: NO Darth Moose, My loyalty belongs to the GCPA.
Darth Moose: Ignorance is bliss, you shall now be destroyed!
*Darth Moose and No Name pull out lightsabers*
No Name: I feel the good inside of you because that last sentence made sense!
*No Name and Darth moose engage in a vicious awesome Dragonball Z style fight; No Name swings at Darth Moose, but Darth Moose bends backward like in the Matrix and does a backflip, kicking No Name in the chin. No name then kicks Darth Moose in the back while Darth Moose in still in air from slow dramatic back flip. No Name jumps on Darth Moose's chest and jumps off over him while doing a 360 and drinking a bacardi and lands behind him to strike his back, but Darth Moose blocks his strike.*
Darth Moose: Fool you are out of your Ivy League, you are no match for me! Don't make me kill you. You have yet to know the true power of the dark side!
*Darth Moose angrily swings at No Name in a very cool fashiony way. Darth Moose and No Name battle their way into the building. They continue striking at each other anticipating each others moves.*
No Name: Wanna take a time out?
Darth Moose: Yeah, wearing these robes may look cool but they're a pain in the ass.
Que Pasa: Yo like Your MOM!!!!
No Name: ... That was weird!
*No Name throws Darth Moose a Gatorade and they both begin to drink it. After they are done they continue to battle again. They continue to slash and strike in a cool martial art way until hey are outside on a small bride ready to collapse from the lava bed below. The Bridge then collapses and they are now stranded on a small platform left to do battle*
Who will be the victor of this battle…? Who will prevail?!?! Find out on the next episode of GCPA!
Author: That Krazy Dude
Darth Moose and No Name stand on a bridge moving around, yet keeping a distance from each other.
Darth Moose: It appears that you have grown much stronger, No Name.
No Name: Yes, I have trained very hard while I was in that prison.
Darth Moose: I see. But I hope you realize that I must fight you even if we were partners at one time.
No Name: Krazy Dude, I am asking you once more. Come back to the GCPA. We miss you (and Salama's cage needs cleaning)
Darth Moose: I am no longer Krazy Dude. I am not your janitor anymore.
No Name: Fine then. I can honestly say I have tried to persuade you.
Darth Moose: Your words fall on deaf toes.
No Name: You know what I must do then.
Darth Moose: Yes, I do.
*The Judo Master Clyde comes out of nowhere*
Clyde: Hajime!!!
*No Name and Darth Moose go into their judo stances and they continue to fight, judo style. No Name tried to take down Darth Moose with a lightning-quick ippon seoinagi, but Darth Moose managed to move out of the way. Darth Moose grabs No Name and goes for a hurai goushi. No Name manages to quickly evade the throw. The two continued to go at it until finally, Darth Tang arrived.*
Darth Tang: This battle is over.
*Darth Moose and No Name notice Darth Tang standing there. Darth Tang teleports Darth Moose back to his castle.*
Clyde: Hey! You have no right to interfere with this match!
Darth Tang: And what will you do about it you pathetic, weak...
*Clyde uproots a tree.*
Clyde: You pathetic, weak what?
Darth Tang: Uh.... *Darth Tang summons an angry Russian, Checkoslovakian, Mr. I-Wanna-Be, Asshole*
Russian, Checkoslovakian, Mr. I-Wanna-Be, Asshole: What is wrong with you? You are just changing the match-ups because your team is losing! This is bull shit!!!
*While Clyde argues with the Russian, Checkoslovakian, Mr. I-Wanna-Be, Asshole judo coach, Darth Tang escapes back to his castle.*
*The GCPA catches up with No Name.*
No Name: Hey guys!
Scruffy: Where's Darth Moose?
No Name: He escaped.
Scruffy: We'd better go find the last crystal skull then.
Pink Ninja: You mean this?
*The crew turns around to see the Pink Ninja standing right behind them, holding the last crystal skull in his hand.*
Scruffy: What are you doing here?
Pink Ninja: You forgot to continue the part of the story where we were about to have a huge battle and then the plot suddenly changed.
No Name: Oh, my bad. That was the person I was based on.
Pink Ninja: Oh. Okay, let's battle!!
Author: Scruffy
I HAVE REEDITED THIS POST CAUSE I PUT IN RICK JAMES, AND REALIZED LATER ON HE HAD DIED. I DIDN KNOW THIS, SO TO ALL I OFFENDED, I'M SORRY, I NEVER MEANT TO, NOW TO SHOW MY RESPECT, I WOULD LIKE FOR WHOEVER READS THIS TO HAVE A MOMENT OF SILENCE TO A GREAT SINGER AND A FUNNY MAN
(...........................................MOMENT OF SILENCE...........................................)
THANK YOU, I HAVE A MADE A FEW REMODIFICATIONS AS WELL, SO ENJOY AND AGAIN, I'M SORRY FOR ANYBODY I OFFENDED
(The last crystal skull teleports out of the Pink Ninja's hand.)
Scruffy: So this is what it has come down to.
Pink Ninja: Yes it has, my old friends, even though we are not really that old.
Scruffy: True, but it don't matter.
Que Pasa: You know him, Cap'n???
Scruffy: Yes, it was when we were very little. As a kid I used to get beaten up everyday by a gang of bullies, so my parents decided to put me in martial arts classes under the sewers trainin along side Master Turtle Nuts. I joined the Elite Squad of The Secret Clan of the Old Kingdom. This is where i got my fire powers, after I accidentaly drank an enchanted fire power scroll in an orange drink, hehe. There, I was trained day and night to master da art of fighting. I did eventually, but along the way i made a great friend, Pink Ninja. We mastered doubles matches and were always competing for first. When we graduated, he disappeared and I never did hear of him again, until recently I heard he had become a bounty hunter for the dark side.
Pink Ninja: And that is true!
No Name: Wow Cap, that's deep!
(The rest of the crew fell asleep, except for Que Pasa, who was just staring blankly into space, making his condition unclear)
Scruffy: Wanna do the honors, No Name?
No Name: This will be fun.
(No Name uses Force Lightening on everybody, instantly waking everybody up, but killing Nemo)
Scruffy: Hey, it didn't work on Que Pasa!
No Name: That's strange, I thought.........(All of a sudden, Que Pasa jumps at No Name while making Wookie noises)........ah what the hell!!!
Scruffy: Yes, while those two are doing .......Que Pasa, don't lick him!!!!!!!!!......Anyways, where were we???
Pink Ninja: About to engage in a combat that maybe of equal or greater than that of mortal combats!!!!!
(The crew prepares to join battle.)
Scruffy: No guys, I appreciate your wanting to help, but this is my battle, besides, you guys are always fighting for the crew and your loyalty for me, but this time, it's my battle....
Lupine: Actually we just fight for the money and to live on the ship!
Scruffy: Wally!!!!!
(Wally jumps unto Lupine's face and they begin their struggle.)
Scruffy: ..........anyways, I thank you guys, but it's my turn to fight, besides, I haven't battled in a while and I wouldn't want to become rusty.
Que Pasa: As you wish, Cap'n!
Scruffy: No Name and Que Pasa, go after Darth Moose, only you two can bring him back.
Que Pasa and No Name: Aye aye Cap'n!!!
Scruffy: Stampede and Jebus, find and gather the missing skulls, so we can bring peace to Zanzinat. The rest of you guys, go and get me Darth Tang!!!!!!!
Jebus: Why are we doing this again???
Scruffy: Because the government is paying us $5, 000, 000 if we manage to bring them the skulls.
Jebus: Ah yes, yes.
Scruffy: Now go do your jobs!!!
Crew: Yes Cap'n!
(eLFa, Lupine, Wally riding Salama, Patten McGroin, Mini-Myself, Nemo, Skanky Siren, and Mr. T go after Darth Tang, as they moved on they only run into one gigantic obstacle??.)
Mr. Noble: Hello Marko!!!!!!!
Whoopi: Sisters, get them!!!!!
Henry Wrinkler (also known as The Fonz): Hey MR. T!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Bill Cosby: Hey kids, who wants pudding!!!!!!!
Cosby-Con: Welcome guys what how about some CHOCOLATE PUDDING!!!!!!!!!
Gary Coleman: Hey everybody, call me short and I'll stick your leg up your own ass!!!!!!!!
Richard Simmons: My, you all look weak, let's pump those abs!!!!!!!!!!
(Darth Tang appears on a huge pillar in the room.)
Darth Tang: Everybody, say hello to ur old friends and some new ones, muwahahahahaha!!!!!
Mr. T: I pity da fool on that column!!!!
Darth Tang: Mr. T, I have a special guest just for you, say hello to The Backstreet Boys!!!!!!!!!!
AJ: (to Mr. T) Damn, you're the blackest mothafucker I have ever seen!!!!!!!!!!!
Mr. T: What you say, fool????
Brain: Oh don't mind him, He hasn't been right since they sent him into testing at the labs, say your finely toned muscular body is ohhh.... SEXY!!!!!! (licks finger, puts it on nipple, and makes sizzling noises) ME - OW! (swings hand)
Mr. T: (scared) What you talkin about fool, I pity the man who hits on the T!!!!!!!
Darth Tang: (scared) Have fun and don't play to rough now boys, you hear?
eLFa, Skanky Siren, Richard Simmons, and Backstreet Boys: We're not boys!!!!!!!!!
Darth Tang: (terrified) Yeah, just um, whatever (jumps away through roof)
(In the meanwhile, Jebus and Stampede make their way through a life-like jungle created in one of the gigantic rooms.)
Stampede: What the fuck man, we've been goin through this jungle for hours now!?!?!?!
Jebus: I know, I'm hungry and thirsty!
Stampede: Are you sure we're in the right place???
Jebus: My godly powers say yes!
Stampede: Damn it! (takes out a SMG and fires ballistically)
(In doin so, he takes out a tree, and there inside the trunk are the crystal skulls.)
Jebus: Excellent, now all we need to do is get them, and we're stinking rich, wanna steal Lupine's share???
Stampede: Ehhh, sure why not?
(As soon as they say that, 5 gigantic beasts: A giant spider, a giant bird, a giant crab thing, a giant dark cyclops, and a fish appear.)
Jebus: You know, why can't we afford a better narrator????
Narrator: (rolls into a ball and cries)
(As those guys guys, FUCKIN FUCKER GUNS AND GLUTOUS FIGHT THEIR IMPENDING DOOM, our other heroes try to convert Darth Moose to the clean ways again)
No Name: You were the chosen one!!!!!!!!!
Que Pasa: You were supposed to bring order to the dwindling human race, not make them your slaves!!!!
No Name: There's still good in you, I can smell the fresh scent of pinsol!!!!!!!!!
Que Pasa: Come back to bed Moose!!!!!!!!!
No Name: wtf?????
Que Pasa: I mean, come back to the clean side!!!!!!!!!
No Name: Wait, if we're pirates, aren't we on the dark side too?
Que Pasa: Come back to the less evil dark side!!!!!!!!
No Name: Yeah, Salama misses you!!!!!
Darth Moose: Never, you guys held me bak, but now, I have learned to embrace my true powers!!!!!!! (looks in Romeo and Juliet script) Now draw if you be men!!!!! (draws lightsaber)
No Name: You give us no choice! (draws lightsaber) I'm sorry, old friend!
Que Pasa: I'm goin to miss you, janitor! (dual wields a pen and a pencil) Now who will clean the toilets???
(bak to Scruffy and Pink Ninja)
Scruffy: Get ready, I'm not the little boy you used to fight with anymore!!!!!
Pink Ninja: Neither am I, now before we commence, I have a surprise for you.
Scruffy: ????
Pink Ninja: I want you to meet my new pet: come SNIFFINDOPE!!!!!!!!!
(A huge, enormous marijuana plant comes trotting through the ground.)
Scruffy: Whoa, now I know why I have felt a little woozie, but you seem...
Pink Ninja: ...perfectly fine? That's because I have trained in this atmosphere, now, show me your newfound strength, your true abilities, the power of the one they call Captain Monkeyman Scruffy!!!!!!!!!
Scruffy: (wobbling around in a dazed condition) What's a Scruffy???
....credits and cheesy theme music plays
Author: That Krazy Dude
As Scruffy was getting high off of Sniffindope, Darth Moose battled furiously with No Name and Que Pasa. Que Pasa thrusts furiously at Darth Moose with his writing utensils while No Name tries several of his Force attacks on him.
No Name: Face it Darth Moose, you are no match whatsoever against the combined powers of Que Pasa and I.
Darth Moose: Maybe alone I'm not, but you are not the only one with a Swedish Meatball!
*Michael Jackson and his army of little boys come out from some random sewer hole.*
No Name: Wow, that's a random place to put a sewer hole.
Michael Jackson: Hey guys, you wanna be my friends?
Que Pasa: Ahhhh! No!!!
Michael Jackson: Then prepare to be annihilated HEE HEE!!!
No Name: Que Pasa, you take on Michael Jackson. I have a score to settle with Darth Moose.
*Que Pasa stabs several of Jackson's little warriors and blasts even more away with cannonballs from his nose.*
Michael Jackson: Well, it appears that my little friends were no match for you but let us see how I fare THE BEAT DON'T STOP!!!
*Jackson dances like a mad man while Que Pasa stabs furiously at him. Michael Jackson dances his way around Que Pasa as well as several law suits. Que Pasa manages to catch Michael Jackson's nose. His nose falls off and lands at Michael's feet.*
Que Pasa: Haha! It appears that you are now nasally challenged!
Michael Jackson: Or am I?
*Jackson's plastic surgeon appears out of nowhere and builds Michael a new nose in two seconds flat.*
Que Pasa: What the hell? But what about your other nose?
*Que Pasa glances towards the nose to see it moving around on the floor. The nose starts to take the shape of...*
Que Pasa: *gasp* Tito Jackson!!!
To be continued....
Author: Stampede
MEANWHILE, BACK WHERE STAMPEDE AND JEBUS ARE.....
Stampede: Son of a bitch, don't we ever get a break!?
Jebus: Guess not...
*GIANT MONSTERS GROWL, FISH SPLASHES*
Stampede: Jebus, can't you just use your godly powers to annhilate them?
Jebus: Nah dude. I'm just not feeling it....
Stampede: Oh God....
Jebus: Yes?
Stampede: You know one of these days you're gonna get punished by the real God.
Jebus: But why would I punish my---*IS STRUCK BY 239 LIGHTNING BOLTS*
Jebus: Okay, okay, I'll stop!!!
Stampede: Hey speak of the devil.
Satan: *WEARING A PINK DRESS* You rang? HEHEHE *SUPER GIRLY GIGGLING*
Satan's Lover: I'M SADDAM HUSSEIN!!!
Stampede and Jebus: HOLY SHIT!!!
Stampede: How the fuck did Hussein get out!?!?
Mysterious Figure: I'M ADOLF HITLER!!
Stampede: WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
Jebus: How did he, of all people, get out!?
Stampede: Last I remember, we left hitler with the guy who was Adam Sandler's dad in Little Nicky, you know, the cooler Satan.
Jebus: How the hell did you get out, Adolf?
Adolf: Never mind that. What you should be worrying about are your assholes...
Stampede and Jebus: The fuck are you talkin about!?
Stampede and Jebus: Cut that shit out!!
Stampede and Jebus: Stop copying me motherfucker!!
Stampede and Jebus: I swear to g--
Adolf: *INTERRUPTING* Shut the fuck up!!
Stampede: Anyways, what the fuck are you talkin about?
Adolf: I believe you've seen Little Nicky before, right?
Stampede and Jebus: Yeah...
Adolf: Remember what gets done to me?
Stampede and Jebus: Umm......
*STAMPEDE AND JEBUS PERFORM A SERIES OF COMPLEXELY COMPLEX SCIENTIFIC TESTS AND EQUATIONS TO FIGURE OUT WHAT ADOLF MEANS BEFORE NOTICING...*
Stampede: Oh dude, what the fuck!?
Jebus: What happened?
Stampede: I just remembered we have a copy of Little Nicky and a portable DVD player in my bass bag.
*PULLS OUT MOVIE AND DVD PLAYER*
Adolf: Umm, I think it's Chapter 12.
Stampede: Thanks for the wrong chapter asshole, it was Chapter 7.
Jebus: Damn dude, you were off.
*STAMPEDE AND JEBUS WATCH THE SCENE IN HORROR*
Stampede and Jebus: YOU'RE GONNA---
Adolf: Exactly...*THROWS A PINEAPPLE UP AND DOWN*
Stampede: Holy shit!!
Satan, Adolf and Saddam: Get em!!!!
*THE GIANT CYCLOPS TAPS SATAN ON THE SHOULDER*
Satan: The fuck do you want?
Cyclops: You'll have to get through us firs-----
*SATAN OBLIVIATES ALL OF THE MONSTERS, EXCEPT FOR THE FISH*
Stampede: Quick, Jebus!! Take this chance to kill Satan!!
Jebus: But I can't, it's killing--
Stampede: *INTERRUPTING* Exactly. It's killing SATAN. That HAS to be allowed.
Jebus: *THUMBING THRU HOW TO BE GOD FOR DUMMIES* AHA! Here it is! I can!!
*JEBUS USES GODLY POWERS TO ANNIHILATE SATAN*
Stampede: Nice!! And you got Saddam too!!
Jebus: How?
Stampede: Well since Saddam is always on Satan's dick....
Stampede and Jebus: WHOA!!!
*HIGH FIVE*
Adolf: Yoo-hoo!!
*STAMPEDE AND JEBUS TURN AROUND*
Stampede: What?
Adolf: No, I meant Yoo-Hoo the drink. *HOLDS UP BOTTLE OF YOO-HOO* It's really good!!! I mean come on what other dri---
Jebus: Can we just fight already!?
Adolf: *FINISHES SIPPING YOO-HOO THRU PINK SWIRLY STRAW* Oh right. AHHHHHHHHH!!!! *BEGINS THROWING PINEAPPLES FURIOUSLY*
Stampede: Dodge 'em!!
Jebus: No fuckin' duh, Captain Obvious!!!
Stampede: Wow. I feel stupid.
*A PINEAPPLE JUST MISSES STAMPEDE AND RIPS HIS JEANS*
Stampede: WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS!??!? THESE ARE MY FAVORITE JEANS!!! THAT I HAVE MANY MORE JUST LIKE THEM!! BUT NONETHELESS MY FAVORITE JEANS!!!
Adolf: Dude I'm sorry I didn't me---
Stampede: YOU DON'T DUDE ME!!! MOTHERFUCKER!! I'M SO FUCKIN GLAD I BROUGHT THIS GUN!!!
*STAMPEDE HOLDS A GUN THAT SAYS AUTOMATIC FRUIT AND VEGETABLE SHOOTER CUSTOM DUAL AUTO THAT STILL MANAGES TO LOOK COOL DESPITE ITS BEING A FOOD SHOOTER*
Jebus: STAMPEDE!! CATCH!! *JEBUS THROWS MANY PINEAPPLES TO STAMPEDE, WHICH HE LOADS INTO HIS GUN*
Stampede: Quick, Jebus!! Mmake him stay!!
Jebus: *USES HIS GODLY POWERS TO MAKE ADOLF FREEZE WHILE BENT OVER*
Stampede: TAKE THIS YOU SON OF A BITCH!!! Even though you did make my pants and my image look TOTALLY cooler like this, but still, TAKE THIS!!!
*STAMPEDE SHOOTS THE PINEAPPLE FURIOUSLY INTO HITLER'S ASSHOLE. HITLER CRIES. HE HATES THE PAIN, BUT ENJOYS THE IDEA OF HOMOSEXUALITY*
Stampede: *PANTING* You wanna take a coupula shots, Jebus?
Jebus: Sure, why not?
*JEBUS BEGINS TO SHOOT PINEAPPLES AT HITLER*
*ROUGHLY [as rough as a pineapple entering hitler's asshole] TEN MINUTES LATER*
Jebus: Dude I'm beat. And Hitler's dead. We need an energy boost.
Stampede: *PULLS OUT 6 PACK OF BEER* Corona OK?
Jebus: Yeah, those are good.
*STAMPEDE AND JEBUS FINISH THE CORONAS, THREE AND THREE*
Stampede: Now to get the crystal skulls right over----where the fuck are the crystal skulls!??!?
Jebus: My godly powers tell me to go up that mountain....past all this damn jungle. How the hell are we gonna get out of this?
Stampede: *TYING A BANDANA [not the whole head kind, the Solid Snake kind] AROUND HEAD* It's time to put all those hours of Metal Gear Solid 3: Snake Eater, out now for the Playstation 2 for about $40, used around $25 at such locations as GameStop, Toys 'R' Us, EB, EBX and many other stores, to use. *FINISHES TYING BANDANA*
*STAMPEDE GUIDES JEBUS THROUGH THE JUNGLES, KILLING MANY A GUARD ALONG THE WAY. STAMPEDE AND JEBUS EAT VARIOUS ANIMALS ALONG THE WAY. WHY YOU ASK? BECAUSE THEY HUNGER OBVIOUSLY.*
*ROUGHLY 45 MINUTES LATER*
Stampede: Shit, we finally made it to the top of the mountains. What a pain in the ass it was to---*STAMPEDE SUDDENLY FALLS THROUGH A GLASS SKYLIGHT, ALONG WITH JEBUS*
Stampede: *STAMPEDE FALLS TO GROUND WITH A LOUD THUD* Oh fuck....my side hurts. *STAMPEDE LOOKS AROUND TO SEE NO NAME, QUE PASA AND DARTH MOOSE ALL LOOKING AT HIM* How the fuck did I get here? Where's Jebus?
*JEBUS LANDS PERFECTLY ON HIS TWO FEET WITHOUT ANY INJURIES, TO WHICH NO NAME, QUE PASA AND DARTH MOOSE GIVE HIM 10'S FOR*
Jebus: *TAKING A BOW* Thank you, thank you. I try.
Que Pasa: Well, now that we're all here, wanna take Darth Moose on 4-1? I mean he can't fight all 4 of us at once...
Darth Moose: Or can I? *DARTH MOOSE GROWS 2 EXTRA ARMS, AND PULLS OUT TWO EXTRA LIGHTSABERS*
No Name, Stampede, Jebus and Que Pasa: WHAT THE FUCK!?!?
No Name: HOW THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT!?!?
Darth Moose: Ah, you see now the power of the dark side. Force Grow-Limbs.
Que Pasa: Shit.
Jebus: That's pretty cool.
*STAMPEDE PULLS OUT A PIECE OF PAPER.*
Stampede: We can still take you though. *STAMPEDE DRAWS A LIGHTSABER, AND IT APPEARS IN HIS HAND. ONCE HE TURNS IT ON EVERYONE IS AMAZED* FEAR THE POWER OF THE BLACK CRYSTAL LIGHTSABER!!
Que Pasa: HOLY SHIT!! THATS AWESOME!!
No Name: Damn!! That blows mine out of the water!! Hehe...blows.
Stampede: Yo No Name, you want one?
No Name: *LOOKS AT HIS OWN BATTERED LIGHTSABER* Well this one used to be my best friend's. But he died. So I promised to always cherish it. I can't take it.
Stampede: Dude, black crystal lightsaber. Put your lightsaber away, we can put on a shelf when we get back to the ship.
No Name: *THINKS FOR ABOUT HALF A SECOND* Okay!! *TAKES BLACK CRYSTAL LIGHTSABER* LETS DO THIS!!!
*DARTH MOOSE FORCE THROWS AND STUNS JEBUS AND QUE PASA AWAY*
Stampede: Shit. Well there goes half of our defense.
No Name: YAY!! YOU KNOW BASIC SUBTRACTION!!
Stampede: AND DIVISION!!! BUT I HATE BASEBALL CARDS....
No Name: Anyways, we can still do this. *GETS INTO STANCE*
Stampede: Hell yeah we can. *GETS INTO STANCE*
Darth Moose: fools....*DRAWS LIGHTSABER*
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FROM LEFT TO RIGHT: No Name, Darth Moose and Stampede preparing for battle.
Author: That Krazy Dude
Que Pasa and Jebus recover from the Force Push and get back to their feet. Michael Jackson and Tito Jackson come out of a room near them.
Michael Jackson: Sorry, we were just practicing our dance routine HEE!!!!
Tito Jackson: Yeah. Let's hit it Michael!
*Michael Jackson and Tito start dancing. Michael Jackson takes the lead and starts dancing around and starts kicking Que Pasa around in a well-choreographed style. Jebus tries to help Que Pasa, but Michael Jackson swiftly touches Jebus on the ass and Jebus retreats. Tito tries to join in.*
Michael Jackson: Hey! Get back into the background like a good little boy!!
Tito Jackson: Stop it! I want a chance to shine, you know?
Michael: JOE!!!
*Joe Jackson comes out of nowhere and slaps Tito hard across the face and starts whipping him with his belt. after the whipping, tito runs away like a little sissy-girl to Mexico where he would assume the name of Juan Pedro and later on live the life of a regular bean farmer. A happy little sissy Mexican bean farmer.*
*Michael continues to dance battle que pasa and keeps Jebus at bay with his unique (and somewhat disgusting) Force Rape ability.*
Que Pasa: Alright, it's time to throw down. Time to put on my dancing clothes!
Michael Jackson: Bring it on!
Que Pasa: Just a second. *runs into a bathroom to change. Michael Jackson stands there waiting and somewhat tempted to look in at him. Que Pasa comes out wearing the exact same clothes he was wearing with the addition of a fake moustache.*
Que Pasa: Let's go!
*Jackson does some crazy dance moves*
BUT DESPITE MICHAEL JACKSON'S CRAZY DANCE MOVES, QUE PASA WHIPS OUT SOME OF HIS OWN FUNKY FRESH, HIP AND HAPPENIN', HIPPITY HOP, NOT WIGGITY WACK...
*Mr. T comes out of nowhere*
Mr. T: QUIET FOOL!!!! *smacks the shit out of the announcer-guy until he's within an inch of death* THERE! THAT'S MUCH BETTER!!
*Que Pasa and Michael Jackson danced like crazy while Darth Moose battled with No Name and Stampede. Everything was chaotic.*
WANNA KNOW WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT? FIND OUT NEXT TIME ON THE ADVENTURES OF THE GOLDEN CHEESECAKE PIRATE ARMADA!!!! ARE WE FORGETTING ANYTHING?.....OH YEAH!!!
*Nemo comes out of some random place*
Nemo: I'm back!!! Hahahahahahahahahahahahaha......(nemo forgets to breathe, runs out of breath, his lungs explode, he lights on fire, just barely is still alive, gets attacked by a sandwich (inside joke), and dies)
Author: GORE-ILLA
*Darth Moose and No Name's lightsaber battle continues over to a cliff overlooking the very same lava lake from before while Moose Force-flings every gun Stampede draws away before he can fire it. Finally he kicks No Name off the cliff, but he grabs onto the ledges with his slipping flingers.*
No Name: Help me!
Darth Moose: Now this seems familiar! Ah yes! Now it's time for me to tell my little secret... (leans in close and whispers in No Name's ear) I killed That Not Sane Dude.
No Name: No... MURDERER!!!!
*No Name Force-leaps into the air and down at Darth Moose with his lightsaber flaring. A choir begins humming as No Name aggresively attacks Moose with his lightsaber, forcing him back onto the bridge before he finally cuts off one of Darth Moose's antlers.*
Darth Moose: AGH
No Name: Now tell them the truth!
Darth Name: No Name-
No Name: Tell them!
Darth Moose: Alright, alright! I killed That Not Sane Dude.
No Name: (holds his lightsaber at Darth Moose's neck) So they can hear it!
Darth Moose: I KILLED THAT NOT SANE DUDE!!!
Stampede: So, who the hell cares? He was evil anyway.
No Name: He was? Darth Moose said it very dramatically so I just assumed he was a good guy.
Darth Tang: Good, good! Now take your janitor's place at my side!
No Name: (deactives his lightsaber and tosses it away. It smacks Nemo in the side of the head and causes him to tumble over the cliff into the lava lake) No, your highness. You have failed. I am a pirate like Johnny Depp before me.
Darth Tang: Oh screw you. You would have made a good Darth Wang. Come on, Darth Moose, let's go back to the evil-ass citadel and start decorating the place for the final battle.
Darth Moose: I'll get the confetti!
*Darth Tang and Moose warp away.*
No Name: Wait, no I changed my mind! Damn, they already left. They better have pizza at that final battle.
*Que Pasa and Micheal Jackson are furiously dancing at each other.*
Micheal Jackson: You can't win, loser! I'm going into my ultimate twistings! And the only way to stop me is to kill me because there's no court that will imprison me because of my intimidatingly scary face!
Que Pasa: Then that leaves me only once choice!
*Que Pasa fires a monkey wrench from his nose between Micheal Jackson's joints, causing him to shake spastically and explode, leaving behind only a nose. The nose starts to slink away, only to be crushed beneath Que Pasa's foot.*
Stampede: What now?
Que Pasa: We reunite. We must stop Darth Tang, and we can only do so together.
*Elsewhere, most of the rest of the crew are stuck battling the random celebrity guards of Darth Tang's citadel. Skanky Siren's flashes only work on Henry Winkler.*
Winkler: Eyyy... (faints)
*Richard Simmons chases Patten McGroin across the lunar plains.*
Richard Simmons: Come back young man, it's time to SWEAT!
Patten: I've had enough, please stop!
Richard Simmons: I don't think so! You're only good enough if you can beat me in a game of dodgeball! Now bring it!
*Simmons immediately flings as many dodgeballs as a sneeze spewing loogies at Patten. Somehow Patten dodges each of the balls as they explode around him. The shivering Patten picks up a moon rock and pegs Richard Simmons with it somehow. His metallic shell falls apart to reveal a shriveled old man standing in the control panel.*
The Real Simmons: Damn you! I just wanted to be strong... (explodes)
*George W. Bush warps in front of Patten.*
Bush: Congragulations, young man. You have done a great service for our country.
Patten: Not you...
*Patten pegs Bush with a moon rock, and his head falls apart to reveal a baby sitting in a control panel. The baby starts crying.*
*Gary Coleman runs around the battlefield, biting people's ankles. Then he feels someone biting his own ankles and looks down to see Mini-Myself.*
Gary Coleman: Impossible! No one is smaller then the mighty Coleman!
Mini-Myself: Sad as it may be, you're wrong. (beats Coleman to death with the power of love.)
Bill Cosby: NO NOT AGAI- (aten by Salama)
Wally: (riding Salama) Good boy! Now devour the cehf whose clothes reek of fresh food!
*Lupine uses his 1337 ninja skills to own the Backstreet Boys while dodging Salama's charges. eLFa swoops down finally and knocks out both Salama and Wally with her guitar.*
Mr. T: Only three fools left, other fools!
Mr. Noble, Whoopi and Cosby-Con: (perfrom seppuku)
*The doors of the dark citadel swing open.*
Lupine: W00t! Let's end this!
Mr. T: I'm sorry, but this is as far as I can take you.
Siren: What do you mean, Mr. T?
Mr. T: That creature in there, that Darth Tang is the embodiment of pure evil, and I am the embodiment of pure kickass. If the two of us are ever present in the same room it would cause the universe to collaspe. So I must leave you for now. This is your battle. Remember what I've told you, and drink milk! (hops aboard an intergalactic bus from another universe and disappears. Everyone looks after him sadly)
Mini-Myself: Well, time to move on...
eLFa: Wait! What about the others?
Lupine: We don't have time. Let's just move on and let them catch up later.
*The heroes slowly enter the citadel.*
*Stampede, Jebus, Que Pasa and No Name find the captain embroiled in a battle with Pink Ninja and Sniffindope. Que Pasa steps towards the Sniffindope.*
No Name: Que Pasa, don't be a hero!
*Que Pasa is unaffected by the Sniffindope since he always seems to be on crack anyway. He eats the Sniffindope whole and frees Scruffy's mind.*
Scruffy: Excellent! Now let's end this Pink Ninja!
Stampede: This may take a while.
Jebus: So? I'm sure the others are in no real danger.
*Lupine, Siren, Patten McGroin, Mini-Myself, eLFa, Wally, and Salama enter the citadel. The last Crystal Skull is standing at an altar in the center of the large room. All of the other Crystal Skulls fly out of the pirates' pockets and towards the last one. Each of the skulls is of a differant creature- a monkey, a bird, a turtle and a human. Each of the skulls grow bodies to become a rabid monkey, a giant pigeon, a flaming turtle and Dave Coulier.*
Siren: I've got a bad feeling about this...
*And on the top floor of the citadel, Darth Tang and Moose are hanging streamers in the throne room and filling up the punch bowl.*
Author: Lupine
The remaining members of the crew stare at the new horde of enemies to fight. The monkey runs at eLFa and Skanky, the pigeon goes after Wally and Salama, the turtle goes after Mini-Myself and Dave Coulier tries his luck with Patten and Lupine.
Lupine: Don't worry, Patten! I got this covered! I'll use my summoning skillz to bring forth the only force that equals the power of Dave Coulier.....the Olsen twins!
Patten: You do know that....
Lupine: Enough talk! ::summonz the Olsens only to have them go and hug Dave::
Olsens: Aww Dave, how have you been?
Dave: Pretty good, except for the fact that the day Full House ended I was trapped in this skull by some enchanted jerky that was on the set.
Patten: As I was saying, Dave Coulier and the Olsens are very good friends!
Lupine: Awww cra----:: is cut off by the Olsen twins double energy outburst::
Meanwhile, the monkey is throwing fieces at Skanky and eLFa as they hide behind a random table that was left there through some sort of plot hole, trying to come up with a way to escape this fate.
Skanky: Yeah and mushrooms and send it to the evil complex at 666 Happy Bunny Avenue.
eLFa: And get me a coke!
Skanky: And a coke. :: closes cell phone:: Okay, so how are we going to beat this monkey?
eLFa: Well I could use my guitar as some sort of musical instrument and get the monkey to dance while you flash him.
Skanky: I don't know if it will work on a monkey.
eLFa: Why not? He's close enough to human, and if it works on Bush why shouldn't it work on him?
Skanky: ......Good point.
eLFa jumps from behind the table and starts to play some songs only to get feces flung in her face, and Skanky jumps before eLFa can warn her and flashes the monkey, only to be hit by the feces on her bare chest and see that her flash did not weaken or defeat the monkey but caused him to transform into some sort of apeish ape that runs at them and hits them with a banana that he was holding in his fur.
Elsewhere in this battlefield of battles which happen most violently.....
::The Olsens miss Patten and hit Narrator::
Wally: Faster, Salama, faster!
Salama looks at the spam can dangling in front of him: Must go faster!
The pigeon does a dive and knocks Wally off Salama.
Wally: Come get some, you rat with wings! I'm the only urban pest that will survive this encounter.
The pigeon looks at him and dives at him with his mouth open shooting out bread crumbs, which Wally eats.
Wally: That all you got? ::is hit by the pigeon and grabs on:: I guess not!
Mini-Myself: Ahhhhhhhh ::is chased by the turtle that somehow seems taller than him::
Patten, dodging yet another of the Olsens' outbursts and Dave's bad jokes: What are we gonna do now, smart guy? This is your fault!
Lupine pulling out his cell: Shut up! Damn reception ::shocks the phone with some lightning:: Okay, there! ::starts to dial a random number::
Somewhere in Darth Tang's evil complex tour group, a figure picks up his phone.
Figure: What?
Lupine: Get down here now! ::hangs up::
The figure's tour partner, which happens to be Weird Al: What's going on?
Figure: We got work!
The figure appears through a plot hole which he had in his pocket in the battle field and is revealed to be.... John Stamos with Weird Al.
Patten: John Stamos, what are you doing here?
Stamos: Well you see, after I was the reason Full House ended no one wanted to hire me except Saget, so I'm a tour guide here.
The Olsens: Nooooooooooo, not him! Quickly Dave, we must perform fusion!
Dave: Yes!
Everyone and all the animals stare as the three perform the fusion dance.... the macarena. The two old men from the song suddenly appear and start singing, but are stopped by Weird Al's spoof fat.
Stamos: Noooo, stop them! If they fuse into Olsier even I will not be able to stop them alone. And they will release another movie....Full House: Reloaded!
Olsier: Come get some........
Author: That Krazy Dude
Patten: Full House: Reloaded?! What kind of crap is that?
Olsier: Hey, it was either that or the "Passion of Full House".
Patten: Oh God no!
Lupine: We must find some way to stop them!
John Stamos: Let me handle this!
Stamos starts to charge at Olsier like a reckless pretty-boy. Suddenly, the illusion of Saget appears from nowhere.
Saget: Stamos, you must stop this. These men that you have joined sides with are the true enemy.
Stamos: How could this be?
Saget: It just is. It was they who have been trying to kill me. It was they who have caused all this chaos around you. It was they who have stolen all your hair gel and forced you to live inside of a trash can outside of a Pathmark near a highway where you beg for money and scraps of food.
Stamos: Sir, I cannot believe what you are saying!
Saget: Oh really now? *turns to Patten* You, the one who isn't wearing the stupid chef's uniform, reach into your back pocket!
Patten reaches into his back pocket and pulls out a tube of gel.
Patten: Where the hell did this come from?!
Stamos: So you're the one who stole my hair gel! You monsters. You shall learn never to mess with my hair!
Saget: Ahem!!!
Stamos: Oh yeah... and my master Darth Tang!
Stamos runs outside and goes up to a trash can. He reaches inside and pulls out Rebecca romain Stamos.
Rebecca: What do you want now, you bastard?
John Stamos: No time to talk, just follow me inside. This may be our chance to get in good with Master Tang!
Rebecca: We'd better get on his good side soon! I'm tired of living in this trash can. And little children and oversized yellow birds keep coming up to me and calling me a grouch!
John Stamos: Whatever, just come on!
Rebecca Romaine Stamos and John Stamos: (rush into the room) It's time to destroy you damn pirates!
Rebecca Romaine Stamos and John Stamos merge with Olsier to make a monster of the worst evils!!! The monster is no longer the supposedly threatening (but never entered in combat) Olsier. This new demon is...Johnecca Coulson!!!!!!!!!!
*Overly dramatic music plays while Johnecca Coulson poses in an idiotic way.*
Author: GORE-ILLA
Patten: (slaps Lupine)
Lupine: My bad! Hang on, I have the perfect idea! Now to continue dialing randomly until I get their number!
Patten: Hey, what happened to those other two ugly girls?
Johnbecca: Stephanie and BJ? When we all went poor after Full House ended, them and Aunt Becky were the first to be eaten.
*Elsewhere, Scruffy is being slapped around by Pink Ninja and his lightning-quick moves.*
Pink Ninja: Ha! Your incompetence is matched only by your sheer ugliness!
Scruffy: That's it! I didn't want to do this, but I'll have to... do this.
*Scruffy puts on his magic warp poncho and uses it to dodge and counter Pink Ninja's skills. Soon Pink Ninja is lying beaten on the ground, but for a different reason.*
Pink Ninja: Damn you! You know I'm allergic to ponchos!
Scruffy: (holds his sword up to the Pink Ninja's neck) This ends now.
Pink Ninja: Fine then. I accept my death honorably.
*However, Scruffy tosses his poncho over the sword, teleporting it into a nearby crater where it stabs Nemo.*
Pink Ninja: W-What?
Scruffy: I have taken a solemn oath never to take another life.
Que Pasa: Cap'n, ye've never taken such an oath!
Stampede: And if so, you haven't been doing a good job of following it!
Scruffy: I haven't? No Name, go get my sword.
Pink Ninja: I can't believe it! You have spared my life. I owe you a life debt now. How shall I repay you?
Scruffy: Simple. You are to sail with the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada in search of adventure, lives and experiance the world the way it was meant to be enjoyed.
Pink Ninja: I shall fulfill your request... Captain.
Jebus: Cap'n! Now that we're done here, we should start our way to the big final battle! Everyone and their mothers will be there!
Que Pasa: Especially yours!
Carlo: (sticks his head out the window of a passing intergalactic bus) WHOOOOOOOOO!!!! (pulls his head back in quickly to narrowly avoid a floating street sign)
*Patten and Lupine are corned by Olsier.*
Johnbecca Olsier: Now prepare to meet your respective ends...
*Suddenly, the doors swing open to reveal two figures. Remember Uncle Jessie and Aunt Becky's little twin boys from the last seasons of Full House? Well now they've grown up to become disfigured, hunchbacked men. And they want revenge.*
John: Shouldn't have given them the whip so much...
Twins: GRAAAAAAAH!
*The Twins leap forward, landed in front of Johnbecca Olsier. The first twin gives an awesome slap to Oliser that sends Dave Coulier flying out of the body. He slams on the ground, and his body melts into protoplasm.*
Dave Coulier: (squeaky voice) OH WHAT A WORLD!!!
*The second twin gives Johnbecca Olsen a slap, and this time Rebbecca Romijn is sent flying out, where she's hit by another passing intergalactic bus. This one is ridden by an ugly pirate, a bearded cosplayer, a zombie dinosaur, a cheesecake-obssessed Turk, a retarded gnome with a waffle fetish, a biomechanical gorilla, a lady in red and an elf chick with a bow and arrow. The bus of injokes none of you will get then disappeared into a black hole leading to another universe.*
Twins: GRAAAAHHH!!!!
*Now only John Stamos and the Olsen Twins remain standing.*
John: I'm sorry man! I was young and foolish and rich and high on crack! But I've changed! Now I'm only old and foolish and poor and high on crack!
Mary-Kate: We didn't mean to poison your foods or disfigure you on purpose because we feared you'd look cuter then us! I swear!
Ashley: Yeah, me too.
Twins: GRAAAAH!!!
*The Twins tackle John Stamos and the Olsens into a lake of lava, where they all disappear, forever.*
Mini-Myself: I'll miss you, horribly ugly twins...
Patten: That really was a good idea! You meant to call the twins all along?
Lupine: Huh? I was just ordering pizza. Hey, it's here!
Patten: (slaps Lupine)
Monkey: Hey, that fusion thingy was cool! Let's try it out!
*The Monkey and Pigeon do a fusion dance to become a giant monkey with a pigeon's head and pigeon wings coming out of it back, along with a pigeon's legs and talons. They are now a much more horrifing creature, even more terrible then the Griffin- the Pigeape. Pigeape floats there with his arms crossed in an attempt to look cool. Everyone (except Nemo) ducks to the side as it vomits a river of feces that burns a whole through the floor. Wally remembers that he's not really a hero and runs away.*
Pigeape: KRAAAAAAAAAAAAAW! Prepare to meet your doom now! We are the ultimate in invincible fusions!
Patten: Oh yeah? I'd like to see you match my 1337 hit man skillz!
*Nanoseconds later, Patten is sent flying through the stone wall of the castle and lands roughly outside.*
Pigeape: You look as pathetic as the last, fat boy!
Salama: Oh yeah? Well I eat pigeons like you for breakfast, and monkeys like you for lunch, literally! Then I rap it all up with some possum for dinner! Yum yum!
*The Pigeape simply tosses a possum out the window and watches Salama leap out after it. Outside Patten has just recovered when the possum lands in his hands.*
Patten: Huh? (sees Salama) NO SALAMA NO!!!
*Inside, only Lupine, Siren, Mini-Myself and eLFa remain against the Pigeape. Lupine holds up a pitchfork, and Mini-Myself a wooden plank as they stand in front of Siren and eLfa.*
Lupine: We won't let you hurt the girls, you monster(s)!
Mini-Myself: Yeah, I won't let harm come to anyone whose dressing rooms I shrink down in!
Pigeape: That's pretty noble, but you know how it will end. Save yourself the pain and pretend I've already beaten you.
*Lupine and Mini-Myself drop their weapons, fall on the ground and lay still.*
Siren: (kicks Lupine) We won't be as easily swayed as our comrades.
eLFa: And we won't be your captives like those whiny screaming girls in the monster films!
Pigeape: Prove it.
eLFa: Eat THIS! (tosses her guitar at the Pigeape)
Pigeape: (moves out of the way)
eLFa: Oh.
*The Pigeape swoops down towards them.*
eLFa: Siren, do something! (Siren starts to lift her shirt) Something other than flashing!
Siren: But what else can I do??
*As they argue the Pigeape grabs both of them in each of his talons.*
Pigeape: Now to finish you off and end this needlessly long fight!
Scruffy: Not if any of us have something to say about it!
*Scruffy, Que Pasa, Patten, Pink Ninja and Jebus roll into the room, then pose cooly as they confront the Pigeape.*
*Back at the top of the tower, Bob Saget and Darth Moose watch the battle through a hidden camera.*
Bob Saget: Damn I hate fusions.
Darth Moose: Gotenks?
Author: That Krazy Dude
Author: GORE-ILLA
| Chapters in The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA |
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