Gamehiker Member OG 3 Page 2

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Author: SOAP

Marin: Thank God that's over with. What were we doing again?

MJ: We were looking for Splog.

Marin: No thanks. I'm not hungry.

MJ: ... Splog is a Goomba.

Marin: I told you I wasn't hungry! Stop trying to temp me with foriegn dishes. I'm on a strict diet dammit!

MJ: Okay whatever. Lets get back to the ship or something.

Author: Masamune

~Back on the ship...~

Masamune: Leave me alone, I'm alright. *doesn't look alright*

Fred: No, you're not alright. It's that Caykface, it's the 200 degree weather, it's the burden of command! I could help a bit. I could command for awhile. Share the load.

Masamune: No!

Fred: I don't want to keep it! I just want to help.

Voice in head: See? SEE? He wants command for himself!

Fred: ... what, I didn't hear it. You can't expect me to yell at it.

Masamune: No Fred, it's you. You can't help me anymore, go home.

Fred: Finally! *starts leaving*

Masamune: Well that ends THAT! *falls over*

Golem: Man down! Man down!

Rebe: I'm barely feeling a pulse!

Golem: Doomed! Doomed!

Rebe: We need to get him below decks!

Golem: Flee! Flee for your lives!

Fred: *smacks him with a stick* To your posts, crew!

~Later...~

-Acting Captain's Log. Captain Masamune has fallen to an unknown virus that we have been unable to isolate. We have turned our course back towards the nearest hospital. As first mate, I have taken over the ship. Although it really was just an honorary role. Heck, I have no idea what I'm doing. It's a good thing this ship comes with auto-pilot. Since the captain's fall, the ship's crew morale has plummeted-

Rebe: *gets stick and starts hitting the ceiling* Keep it down up there! I'm trying to write!

~Above decks~

Golem: This is *hic* the greatest *hic* party I've ever been to.

Fred: Hey man *hic* you're the designated *hic* helmsman. You'll have to lay off the *hic* water.

Marin: That's saltwater, you guys have gone scurvy!

MJ: That's *hic* awful.

Marin: Oh for the lovva... you can't get drunk on saltwater!

Golem: Says *hic* who?

Author: SOAP

Marin: Okay. You guys are definately sick. Masa is sick. We go back ashore. I don't want to see anyone--

*MJ starts spewing over Marin's new outfit.*

Marin: --throwing up...

MJ: Sorry Mare.

Marin: That's... just gross.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

~Masamune lies in the ship's sick ward. The door creaks open, and two figures step in. A laser sword ignites.~

Luigi: If only I could cause you the pain that you've caused me...

~Lightning flashes as Luigi holds the laser sword over Masamune's heart.~

Luigi: Let's see who's behind the mask...

Ashley: He's not wearing a mask.

Luigi: Oh shush! ~grabs Masamune's nose and pulls~

Masamune: Gyah!

~Luigi stumbles backwards and drops the laser sword.~

Luigi: No no no...

~Masamune gets out of bed and looks at Luigi.~

Masamune: Luigi. Where is she?

Luigi: Masamune? You don't wear a mask?

Masamune: What did you do with her?

Luigi: How do you live with being so ugly? ~puts face in hands~

Masamune: There are bigger things here than my beauty. And I'm sick, so I have an excuse.

Luigi: What are you talking about "her"?

Masamune: Rebe. She was guarding this room.

Luigi: We waited for her to go upstairs and beat up the rest of them. They're all moody since you got sick.

Masamune: Serves 'em right. So, I see you've come to your senses and are going to help me.

Luigi: Hardly. I came to avenge Murasame's "death". It doesn't really seem fair right now, though. First I'll cure you, then I'll kill you.

Masamune: Sounds fair.

Ashley: You're kidding me, right?

Luigi: There's still much that I have to learn about being a villain that I must pass down on to you, my dear. Until then, we're going to do things my way.

Ashley: Gah.

Luigi: What we need to do is shrink down to microscopic proportions, enter Masamune's bloodstream, and kill all of the viruses. I saw it in a video game once.

Ashley: How do we do that?

Luigi: Hmm...

~~~

Masamune: ~with Ashley's foot in his mouth~ MMPH IPHPHPH MMPH PHUH!

Ashley: I told you I was too big.

Luigi: Crap. And we've used up every scheme in my portable filing cabinet, from A to Y.

Ashley: A to Y?

Luigi: Yeah, A to Y. You know, the alphabet.

Ashley: What about Z?

Luigi: Z?!

Ashley: Yes, Z. As in the letter that comes after Y.

Luigi: ~pulls out filing cabinet~ W... X... Y... Z! Here it is, just like you said!

Ashley: Oh brother...

Luigi: ~reading Plan Z~ Ohh.... OOHHHHHHH... It's genius... It's uncanny... ~smells it~ It's lemon-scented! Plan Z cannot fail!

Ashley: What is it?

~Luigi takes off his hat and draws a bird face on it.~

Luigi: Ezlo! Do your thing!

Ashley: . . .

Ezlo (Luigi's hat): Oh, just this once...

~Luigi and Ashley shrink down. Masamune picks them up and pops them into his mouth.~

Author: Fred

(When suddenly, The Doctor appears!)

Doctor: (Shoots Masa) Ha, I'll hunt ye to the ends of the earth!

Masa: Hey, get out of here. How am I sick? Oh, well.

(Upstairs)

Rebe: Okay, it's time to-

(Marin has already beaten everyone up)

Rebe: Go back to my post, guarding Masamune. Or get ice packs for these guys. I like the first solution better.

Marin: Stop breathing on my shoes!

Golem: That's an artform and a half right there.

Fred: Hands on top! That means stop. Green light.

(everyone turns over. Now, back with Yami and the OTHER ONE not GORE never shut up)

~GORE-ILLA's log, chapter 20, verse three, new testament.~ We ran across an interesting fellow on our trip to this stage. We've chased him far across the island, onto the set of The Price Is Right where we hope to finally end his reign of terror. We've found him, and challenged him to a game of EXTREME The Price Is Right, with the Ghost of Richard Nixon hosting. We're into the first event, WIRE BATTLE price that car, where you walk across a tightrope and attempt to get the number cards from the small, greasy platforms of death that keep the wires up, then put them on the board in the right order, all while fighting your opponents with a steel baton. It's kinda getting hard to duck, grab, walk a tightrope and write this at the same time, so later for

~ YA'MiJYOsih, Clan leader of the Yoshika~ GORE is not serious enough about our situation, writing in his journal at a time like this. A true Yoshika warrior and tribesman like myself is intent on the action, never faltering for a second. I am waiting for the next coming of Wilson. It will come. I hear it coming. I taste the salty and yet juicy, interesting texture it comes with, along with it's rather putrid smell. BRB gotta dodge-

Author: Masamune

~Inside Masa, omg!~

Luigi: *points at Masa's throat* You must go, in there.

Ashley: I don't want to.

Luigi: There's no other way! Go in. Or go back.

Ashley: Okay. *turns around*

Luigi: Darnit! *throws her in*

Ashley: Okay. *falls further in* It's sticky! Master? Master? What is this?

Luigi: You will see! Oh ho, you will see...

Ashley: Oh signifigant other I don't actually have to feel bad about betraying...

~Luigi falls in front of her~ There. I was just clearing up a sore throat with a laser sword.

~Just outside~

Masamune: WATER! I NEED WATER!

~Inside~

Luigi: Now, if we will continue. We must find the source of this infect- *gets drenched by water* -ion. Grrr.

~Elsewhere, in the body~

Sarugerm: ~has his hand on a ball~ The power of the Isengerms are at your command, Cayk-Virus, Lord of the Body.

Ball: Build me an infection, worthy of Caykzor.

~Two germs happen to enter~

Germ: What orders from Cayk-Virus? What does the Icing command?

Sarugerm: We have work to do.

~The scene shifts to Masamune's leg~

Germ: The hairs are strong my lord, there roots go deep.

Sarugerm: Wax them all down!

~Back with Luigi~

Luigi: *looks at two different paths* I have no recollection of this place...

Ashley: You've never BEEN here.

Luigi: We shall rest here.

Ashley: Ugh, it's that way. To the right, with the sign that says "Infection this way"!

Luigi: Ah! It's that way! *points to the left* The air is not so foul that way. When in doubt Ashlely, always follow your nose.

Ashley: I hate you..

~Elsewhere~

Sarugerm: I want this area infected and plagued within two hours!

Germ: But my Lord, there are too many germs! They cannot all be contagious in time, we don't have the means!

Sarugerm: Build a nasal blockage, block the blood valves, work the digestive system night and day!

Germ: We don't have enough hair toburn for entertainment!

Saruman: The Scalp of Masamune lies on our doorstep. Burn it.

Germ: Whee!

~Outside~

Masamune: Aaaargh! My hair is on fire! *dumps water on it*

~Inside~

Germ: Well that sucked.

Sarugerm: I'm getting a call. *pulls out ball*

Ball: Hey, report?

Sarugerm: The body is changing. Who now has the strength to stand against the possessed bodies of Masamune... and Roy? To stand against the might of Sarugerm AND Caky-Virus, and the union of the two bodies? Together, my lord Cayk-Virus, we shall rule this Masa-Body. The old body will burn in entertaining glee. We will drive the infection of mind and soul with the germ, and the virus, and the gelatinous fist of the bacteria. We have only to remove those who oppose us.

Ball: Uh, that's wonderful. I just wanted to make sure, you know, he didn't take any medicine to kill you all.

Sarugerm: Oh, well no. But Masa, my Lord, is ready to fall.

~Elsewhere~

Luigi: Look! A tomb, in here! It reads, 'Cell, Son of Cell. Lord Of Bloodstream'. He is dead then, it is as I feared.

Ashley: Who?

Luigi: 'They have taken the stomach and the digestive tract. We have barred the bloodstream, but cannot hold out for long. The blood shakes. Eardrums, eardrums in the deep. We cannot get out. The virus moves across the body. We cannot get out... they are coming.'

Ashley: That's encouraging, since when do cells write?

Luigi: Well, this is Masamune's body. They've had over six hundred years to master literature.

Ashley: Fair enough.

Author: SteveT

Luigi: I dare you to open the tomb. The cell might have some change in its pockets.

Ashley: *sighs*

~The tomb shakes and bursts apart. Steve T emerges, with his hands held out like a mummy~

SteveT: GYARRR!

Luigi: Gah! A Golem of Wizzrobe! This foe is beyond any of you!

Ashley: Wait...why is SteveT microscopic?

SteveT: I didn't want to make a big entrance

Straw Man, on drums: Bud-dum CHING!

Ashley: *sighs again, then draws her laser sword*

SteveT: Ah, there's a good minion. Take care of this hobo for me.

Ashley: That HOBO is my dad!

SteveT: Give in to your anger! With each passing moment you make yourself more my minion.

Ashley: *Brandishes her laser sword and prepares to swing at SteveT*

Luigi: Swords are of no more use here! Fly, you fools! *Runs away*

Ashley: *Lowers her blade* Luigi won't be here to run away and make me chase after him next time!

SteveT: If you had just done what I told you, he wouldn't have been her to do that THIS time.

Ashley: *gives Steve the finger as she runs away*

SteveT: Well, back to work then. *Takes his axe out of his tomb and starts hacking at random cells, humming the Dr. Mario song*

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Vorpal: So can you believe we've been sitting in this booth for the entire story?

Kuria: I don't really mind.

~The ground begins to rumble. Vorpal looks at his glass of water and sees the cliched water ripples.~

Vorpal: I have a bad feeling about this.

~The Caykzors march past, with Roy and his lackeys riding on the lead one. There is general uproar and a few buildings explode into flames for no particular reason.~

Vorpal: We have to stop them! Magic carpet, ho!

~Vorpal jumps onto a magic carpet.~

Kuria: But... they're huge! And there's so many of them! What can you do?

Vorpal: I'll figure it out when I get there.

~Kuria shrugs and climbs onto the carpet behind Vorpal. They land about a mile in front of the Caykzors. Vorpal pulls out his sword and practices his posing.~

Kuria: I can't believe we're going to die like this. I--

Vorpal: ~smiles~ I know. Mr. and Mrs. Hamilton, is that what you were thinking?

Kuria: I was counting on Mr. and Mrs. Vorpal, but...

Vorpal: Aye.

~The Caykzors sweep past. Vorpal and Kuria stand exactly where they were.~

Vorpal: Dammit! Of all the times to miss!

~Vorpal and Kuria jump on the carpet and fly to the front of the Caykzors again.~

~Meanwhile...~

~Luigi and Ashley continue to run from the FOULD DEMON STEVE T!~

Luigi: Breathe, that's the key... Keeeeep breathing.

~Luigi slips and falls into a lung, but catches the edge just in time.~

Masamune: Shocked

Ashley: Take my hand!

~Luigi looks down into the lung.~

Ashley: Fine! I dare you to let go!

~Luigi lets go. As he's falling, he draws his laser sword and grabs Ashley's. A giant flaming germ lets go of the side of the lung and lunges at Luigi, who attacks it fiercely as they fall toward some sort of internal fluid.~

Ashley: Oh well. ~slips and falls into the lung as well~ I hate my life.

Author: SOAP

(MJ gets up suddenly.)

MJ: I just remember something!

(MJ reaches into his pocket and pulls out a DS looking device.)

MJ: I had a tracking marker implanted in Splog's skull about a year ago while he was sleeping. I can't believe I didn't think of this sooner.

Marin: Um... why did you implant something into Splog's skull without his knowlege?

MJ: I do that with all my friends. For cases such as this. You have one too by the way.

Marin: *scratches skull*

MJ: I've found him! And he's not to far from here!

Rebe: Too bad we can't go anywhere yet. The Captain's still out sick.

(MJ a flurry-looking hat off the table.)

MJ: I'm the Captain now.

Rebe: Actually, while the Captain is incapacitated, I'm in charge and I say we're not going anywhere until Masa gets better. Also that's not his hat.

MJ: *takes off the hat* I knew that. I just thought it looked cool.

Marin: Yeah right.

Author: Masamune

Germ: Grar!

Luigi: We did this scene at the beginning.

Germ: Oh. *leaves*

Luigi: If I'm correct, the virus should be right-

Sarugerm: Infections in the throat, the time grows towards lunchtime, and Luigi the Hobo falls through the lung... seeking my counsel.

Luigi: Did not.

Sarugerm: That's not why you came, my nemesis?

Luigi: Just to kill you.

Sarugerm: Fine, but come. I will need this lung later.

~Later, inside the stomach or something~

Sarugerm: Carrotcake King has regained much of his former strength. He cannot yet reform his old body but his spirit has lost none of its potency. Concealed within Roy's body, the Carrotcake King plots against all. You know what I speak of Luigi, icing. Cream cheese and rich.

Luigi: The icing of carrot cake...

Sarugerm: He is gathering all confectionary foods towards him. Very soon he will have an army large enough to launch an attack against Cleveland!

Luigi: Why Cleveland?

Sarugerm: Odd quirk of his.

Luigi: You know this, eh? How?

Sarugerm: *pulls out his ball* This! Wi-Fi capabilities, 1000 mile range, vocie activation, real-time speaker-phone, and customized answering machine. It has it all.

Luigi: The Talk-Deluxe­® is only in beta. Anybody can hack in and liste, dude.

Sarugerm: The hour is later than you think! Masamune will soon have lunch and your puny multi-cellular structure will be destroyed!

Luigi: Gasp!

Ashley: Like, duh.

Sarugerm: You did not seriously think a hobo and a girl could contend with a deadly virus? There are none that can. Against me, there can be no victory. You must JOIN with me!

Luigi: Tell me, nemesis. When did this dissolve into you trying to make me work for cakes?

~Sarugerm glares and throws the ball at Luigi's head. Luigi lights up his laser sword, but suddenly Sarugerm takes Ashley's, who justs shrugs and sits and watches. They battle for awhile, but Sarugerm takes the laser sword from Luigi~

Sarugerm: I offered you the chance of aiding me... willingly! But you, have elected the way of digestion! *throws Luigi into stomach acid*

Luigi: It burns! It burns us!

Ashley: Eh. *pulls him out*

SteveT: This subplot annoys me! *axes Sarugerm* There.

Liger: Whew, are you sure that did it? I don't wanna go normal size and get the virus too...

Strawman: The virus isn't contagious.

Liger: Yeah it is, that was his whole attack angle!

Strawman: Wrong.

SteveT: Come on. Let's use this Re-Scripter­® and get us out of here.

~The three vanish~

Luigi: Well, that's that.

Ashley: *stubbornly sits* You can carry me out now.

Luigi: Err, why?

Ashley: I dunno, it felt like the thing to say. I can walk.

Luigi: Darn, and I wanted to throw you at enemies...

~Later~

Masamune: I suppose I owe you a debt, Luigi.

Luigi: Yes. But I'm going to kill you now.

Masamune: Man, that sucks.

Author: SOAP

MJ: STOP!

Luigi: Um, okay.

MJ: I won't let you lay a hand on Masa.

Luigi: I suppose you're going to want to fight me again?

MJ: No. I wanted to give you this.

(MJ walks up to Luigi and gives a kiss on the mouth.)

Everyone: 0.0

Marin: Ha! I knew it! *wanders off*

(Luigi pulls away and starts to gag.)

Luigi: What the... Why did you do that for!?

MJ: I dunno. I did it out of compulsion. But I still won't let you kill Masa.

Luigi: You're not going kiss me again if I do are you?

MJ: Maybe.

Luigi: Fine. I'll leave him alone then. For now.

MJ: Will you return to the Light Side then? Very Happy

Luigi: Don't push your luck.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Luigi: By the way, you're dead.

~Luigi kills MJ most prejudicely.~

Luigi: Come along Ashley.

Marin: ILLKILLYOUILLKILLYOU!

~Marin nails Luigi with her hammer and sends him flying out a window. Ashley shrugs and jumps after. Steve follows in the shadows, or would if he cared to hide.~

Masamune: Beggin' yer pardon, but ye can't kill him if he's not anywhere near you.

Marin: *sob*

Author: SOAP

Golem: Poor Marin. It's sad that you lost a loved one like that.

Marin: Don't be stupid! I'm not crying because of MJ. Don't you people know? He's the CHOSEN ONE?

Masa: The Chosen One of what?

Marin: You know, the chosen one to weild the Star Sword.

Everyone: o_0

Marin: You know, the most powerful blade in the Marioverse?

Masa: AHEM!

Marin: Okay, who am I kidding? It's a piece of crap. Just like MJ. And if he dies, they're just going to replace him with an even bigger idiot.

???: That would be me of course.

(Everyone turns around to see a blue haired gothic kid who bore a stricking resemblance to MJ.)

Kasei: Yo, I'm Kasei of the Blue Flame, the NEW CHOSEN ONE. (Notices Marin) Hey there hottie! You must be--

Marin: Your sister! And you better not forget that!

Kasei: Ah bummer. But I guess this means we'll be working closer together, right?

Marin: YOU PEOPLE SUCK! *leaves*

(Kasei picks up the Star Sword from the pile of clothes where MJ's body once was. Immediately it turns from gold with a red core crystal to silver with a blue crystal.)

Kasei: With this blade I now hold in my hand, I shall avenge my predessessor whom I have no emotional attachment to whatsoever!

(Kasei jumps out the window after Luigi.)

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Luigi, Ashley and Steve freefall through the sky. Kasei is dropping down above them, but the others are unaware of his presence.*

Ashley: Well that went well.

Luigi: Shut up. I'm busy planning now.

Ashley: Whatever.

Luigi: ...Aha! I've got it! Plan... After Z!

*Kasei is now just several feet above Luigi and raises the Star Sword to stab him.*

Ashley: Rolling Eyes Wow. How you do you plan to kill us this time?

Luigi: Well first we-

Steve: Plane.

*Luigi, Ashley and Steve Force-throw themselves out of the path of a passing airplane. Kasei sadly does not have such a power and is sucked through the engine.*

Ashley: Did someone just scream?

Luigi: Your mother.

Ashley: ...Just continue your plan. Maybe it's slightly more effective than the last ones.

Luigi: Actually now I forgot.

Steve: Hey, look what I found! (holds up the Star Sword)

Ashley: Hmm... now I have a plan.

*Back at the Golden Cheesecake, Golem joins Marin by the window.*

Golem: How's the new guy going?

Marin: Dead already. The third Chosen One should come along any moment now.

*Suddenly a woman who looks like Ashley but slightly differant enters wielding the Star Sword.*

Marin: Umm... are you supposed to be my brother?

woman who looks like Ashley but slightly: Sure.

*Somewhere else, Kuria peppers the cake monsters with arrows from her hiding place in a canyon while Vorpal rides through the horde on his carpet, slicing through them as he passes.*

Kuria: Be careful Vorpal!

Vorpal: I'll be fine!

*Suddenly tragic Lion King music kicks in as Vorpal is bucked off his carpet and falls down, trampled by the various Caykzors.*

Vorpal: OW MY KNEE

Kuria: Vorpal!

*Several Caykzors stay behind and surround the crippled Vorpal.*

Vorpal: Umm... long live the me?

Author: SOAP

Marin: Aw, you're so cute! I think I'm gonna like a little sister better than a little brother. So tell me, do the names Luigi or Splog mean anything to you?

Ashley Look-Alike: Not Really...

Marin: Good. Erase those names from your mind. They're not important. Now if you guys will excuse us, we're going to go play dress-up.

Golem: But shouldn't you go avenge--

Marin: I said we are going to go play dress-up!

(Marin storms out of the room with the Ashley look-alike.)