GCPA Sidequests Part 10
| Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 |
Bronze Cobra Conspiracy
Part One: The Child of Fat
by by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, Jebus, Darth Curry and Edwin on Feburary 26, 2007
*The Golden Cheesecake is sailing proud as usual.*
Edwin: Oh, so that's your starting phrase. We're just supposed to be your little pawns and get into character?
*The pirates are trying to form a human pyramid.*
Edwin: John's playing with us, like we're his little toys!
*Edwin begins to do an Irish jig.*
Jebus: Captain, I am sailing at half mast! We have an emergency!
That Krazy Dude: Your mom's sailing at half mast!
Darth Curry: WAH! WAH! HAW!!! (is not noticed by the others)
Lupine: oh snao!
Jebus: ... Mary...?
That Krazy Dude: Yes, snao.
Second Mate Chef Lupine: snap*
That Krazy Dude: No, snao's better.
Captain Scruffy: It's a very refreshing drink.
That Krazy Dude: Do I get to be on top of the pyramid? Cuz I'm the star. =D
Lupine: Why are we making a pyramid?
Jebus: I don't see the point of a giant male pramid...
First Mate Que Pasa: Cap'n, we have a problem!
Scruffy: We always do.
Que Pasa: We need a new crewmate to finish the pyramid!
Scruffy: Anybody new here?
That Krazy Dude: Am I new?
Stampede: Maybe I can do it. (walks to pyramid) You know what guys, I think I'll go play some Counter-Strike- yes, out here in the ocean- call me if we're attacked. (leaves)
That Krazy Dude: He's left us! For an online game! DX
Lupine: You stay you son of a bitch! (grabs Stampede and ties him to a mast)
Stampede: (comes in) I already left Lupine.
Lupine: (ties him up) You just got bitched!
Stampede: Ill, you homo!
???: I can join your crew.
Scruffy: No! ??? ITS YOU!
Que Pasa: I don't know who he is, but I like him already! Let's bring him in!
Jebus: *Curses his evil ??? Rival from Pokemon*
Scruffy: Hmmm
That Krazy Dude: Yo this new guy looks a little... fruity.
Scruffy: My second mate seems to be sexually attracted to you. He needs to get out of the boat more often
Stampede: Ewww...
Jebus: Lupine's having a field day with rope...
Darth Curry: And Darth Curry shall retire until the evil is needed by playing some Call of Duty 3.
Scruffy: You're in!
???: My name is Babyface McTraitorpants. I have magical dance powers!
Que Pasa: Cap'n, you have to let this guy in! He's dynamite!
Jebus: ... Guy dancer...
That Krazy Dude: He has feet of flame.
Jebus: He is flaming all right.
Lupine: Didn't we have a dancer for a while?
Que Pasa: If you count your mom.
Stampede: Cap'n! I didn't know you were here Cap'n!
Scruffy: I'm always here, you just never listen to me. Like that time I asked you for help when I was attacked by my stalker, you just walked past me. I cried that day...
That Krazy Dude: Yeah Edwin! Walked right past him!
Stampede: Yeah, sorry about that Cap'n, I walked by too.
Que Pasa: I... might also... have been in the general area...
Jebus: Who is talking again?
That Krazy Dude: Walked past who?
Stampede: The captain, I coulda saved him.
Jebus: The who? We... have a captain..?
Stampede: Of course, every ship has a captain!
Scruffy: When did we get a captain?
Jebus: Holy crap. I never knew.
Scruffy: Neither did I. Well then.
Jebus: Hmmm...
Scruffy: Let's have it, bring him in so he can meet his captain.
Lupine: Whos Cap'n?
Scruffy: The monkey.
*The newcomer looks on at this moment of ADD. Ricky jumps onto the deck of the ship.*
Ricky: WHO CALLED ME?
That Krazy Dude: ...Hey look a cloud!
Ricky: WHERE!!! (runs off in search of the cloud)
Babyface McTraitorpants: Why hello there Scruffy. See my definitely-not-forged resume.
Jebus: He's right! It's not forged!
Scruffy: So, I see you have experience in.... stripping eeeerrr um oh shi-
Babyface McTraitorpants: I danced for every president
JebusOo: Even President Al-Gore?
Stampede: Guys what are you stupid!? This is definitely forg- *Stampede is shot with a tranq gun* Well played... Babyface... *falls asleep*
Scruffy: It's Stampede's nap time. Krazy, tuck him in.
Lupine: Hmmm almost poetic. The marksman shot.
Jebus: The money shot.
Lupine: Huh?
Babyface McTraitorpants: Hey everyone, look over there!
*While everyone's looking in the opposite direction, a smoke bomb is dropped on the crew.*
Scruffy: My pants.
That Krazy Dude: Hmmm smells like buttercups.
Lupine: Buttercuos?
*Two cloaked figures slip in.*
Mr. Cloak 1: Quick, get the target!
Mr. Cloak 2: I know, you don't have to remind me!
Stampede: (gets up) Fuck, that tranq had no power whatsoever. What a fag.
Scruffy: Your name, it's quite.... unique *stabs myself with tranq dart* Oh yeah, that hits the spot just right! *falls asleep*
Jebus: WOOHOO I R IN HALO 3 BETA!!
Stampede: Babyface, I challenge you to a duel! ...(looks to Jebus) Shit really?
That Krazy Dude: (laughs) The beta with Crackdown.
Stampede: Awesome.
Jebus: Stfu :-(
Lupine: (kicks Cloaked Figure One)
Babyface McTraitorpants: (approaches Stampede) Fine we will duel with hammers while the rest of the ship is emboiled in chaos.
Jebus: Is emboiled even a word?
Stampede: Probably not.
- CHAOS*
Cloak 1: That's just ride! (uses fire magic to knock Lupine over)
That Krazy Dude: ...
Stampede: Babyface it's guns or I tranq myself like Scruffy!
Babyface McTraitorpants: Fine.
Stampede: Damn, I wanted to tranq myself. *sigh* Oh well. Someone count us down.
Lupine: (gets up) Magic ehh?
Mr. Cloak 1: You have no idea.
Lupine: (creates fireball in hands) I think I do. (misses and lights ship up... again) Dammit!
Scruffy: (wakes up) You, that didn't last as long as I expected it to.
That Krazy Dude: Hey I had a sandwich here a second ago...
*Tumbleweed rolls.*
Mr. Cloak 2: (leaps on Mr. T's back, attempts to catch Mr. T within stretchy body) I have the target!
That Krazy Dude: Maybe if I do a countdown I'll get my sandwhich. 5... 4... 3... 2...
Babyface McTraitorpants: (sniffs finger)
That Krazy Dude: 1... bam!
Babyface McTraitorpants: (shoots)
*The fire spreads to the gunpowder room.*
Scruffy: Okay people, use your environment to your advantage! (picks up nearest object... a balloon)
Stampede: (shoots bullet at Marko) That's for tying me up, you jerk!
Lupine: (dodges) And it's Lupine, Stampede!
Stampede: Omfg Marko let's be real!
That Krazy Dude: Oh there's my sandwhich! Hmmm a fire! *roasts sandwhich*
Scruffy: YAAAAHHH!!!! *smacks Babyface with balloon*
Lupine: It's GCPA, PHYSICS DON'T EXIST!
Jebus: Guys we must defeat them with Michael Jackson dance moves!
*Stampede transforms into The Guz.*
That Krazy Dude: This is a good sandwich...
The Guz: Oh yeah, "Lupine"? (smites Lupine)
Lupine: Hmmm Guz ow.
That Krazy Dude: Good amount of cheese.
Lupine: Weren't you gonna fight Traitorpants?
The Guz: Nah he's cool.
Jebus: (smites The Guz) (for fun =D)
That Krazy Dude: Tasty lunchmeat.
The Guz: Jebus you jerk! We're buddies!
Jebus: Hahaha! I know...
The Guz: We smite people together!
Jebus: I just haven't smited.. It's almost like blue balls.. but not really.
The Guz: (double smites Lupine)
Lupine: We are buddies too aren't we? iwch
The Guz: We are buddies when you spell correctly.
Babyface McTraitorpants: (hits Scruffy in the back of the head with wine bottle) Oh, that Cloak must have tossed the bottle.
Scruffy: Ouch man, that hurt. *takes wine bottle, and counter hits with rage* How do you like it you stupid whore!
Que Pasa: *rushes down to the Closet of Horrors*
Lupine: *casts Cure 4*
That Krazy Dude: WAIT A SECOND!!! I forgot the mayo.
Scruffy: No! Not the mayo!
*Cloak 2 has Mr. T in a net.*
Mr. Cloak 2: Hurry, we must depart!
Mr. Cloak 1: I'm coming!
That Krazy Dude: *takes a handful of mayo pockets*
Scruffy: We couldn't afford real mayo! It's cow spermatoza!
*Square Enix sues Lupine for copyright infringement*
Lupine: (dodges lawsuit) Cure 4 never existed, it only went up to 3.
*The Lunchman arrives and kicks Krazy in the face.*
Lunchman: Only two packets for students!
Lupine: Not lunch man! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Scruffy: Hey guys, stop bickering. They're getting away with the angry black man and our treasure. Also our ship's on fire, regards to Lupine.
Lupine: *smiles and gives a thumbs up*
Scruffy: (knees Lupine into the ground) It's anti thumbs-up day!
Lupine: My manness!
Que Pasa: Good thing this ghost ship we got from Chevy Chase is indestructible.
That Krazy Dude: (gets up) So this is what it's come down to, Lunchman? We must battle then.
Que Pasa: (opens the Closet of Horrors, unleashing Shenoda clones that trample the Cloaks and free Mr. T.)
*Mr. T begins beating down Cloaks 1 and 2.*
*The part of Stampede/The Guz will be played by Dr. "Beast" Lavlinski from here on.*
*Cloak 1 is sent flying and lands at Lupine's feet. His hood falls off to reveal... Greco.*
Lupine: You!
Scruffy: Oh, it's you again. You! You didn't have to be so mean and kick my desk.
Stampede: Greco?
*Stampede is himself again and kicks Greco in the ribs*
Stampede: =D
Lupine: (grabs pole and impales to no affect, then hits Stampede with fireballs)
*Krazy dodge rolls out of the way of Lunchman and picks up his mop. Lunchman rushes a second time.*
Krazy: What is love? Baby don't hurt me!
Scruffy: *sprays mud onto face*
Lupine: Kicks are my thing.
Stampede: (brushes off embers) Dude, you're dealing with The Guz. Remember that. =D
Lupine: You're not The Guz there. So therefore you = mortal. Meaning fire works. =D I got this.
Krazy: Stop trying to find flaws in each other's characters!
Greco: For the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy! (covers himself in fire and blasts fireballs at the crew)
Lunchman: Huh?
Krazy: (hits Lunchman in the face with a mop knocking him off of the ship; looks over to see Greco)
Greco: We cannot leave without the parcel!
Mr. Cloak 2: Yeah I know!
Lupine: (sprays water at Greco)
Greco: (falls over and cries)
Krazy: So Greco's one of the men behind this attack huh?
Scruffy: Stampede's =D + 8===== = 8=====D
Jebus: Is that Asci penis missing a head..?
Stampede: Nice subliminal message Scruffy.
Scruffy: I do what I'm payed to do.
Lupine: You get paid?
Scruffy: Not prostitution against popular belief. Yes, I do. To make boxes and put things in boxes, and so on. Like so...
Jebus: So you're the box man! That's how I know you!
*A work station appears. Scruffy makes a tiny box and puts Greco in it.*
Lupine: Eck tiny. Sucks for him.
Scruffy: Greco, for when you need him on the go! We don't though, so... (throws box into ocean) They say Tigersharks eat anything that falls into the ocean.
Jebus: *Continues sitting there sipping on tea while watching the crew fight* thats right! Dance my puppets!
*Babyface McTraitorpants shoves Que Pasa into the fire when no one's looking, then pulls him out from the other side.*
Babyface McTraitorpants: Remember I saved your life!
Que Pasa: Thank you, glorious Babyface!
Lupine: Wow Babyface! You're a hero!
*The Guz joins Jebus.*
The Guz: Hey, that looks like good tea. Can I have some?
Jebus: Sure. (hands him a cup) So... how's the weather?
The Guz: Pretty good.
Krazy: Dammit, now where'd I put my sandwich?
Lupine: (starts playing Phoenix Wright) OBJECTION!
Jebus: (smites Lupine's DS) Fight damn you! THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!
Lupine: ;_;
Scruffy: *praises The Guz* Make it blizzard on Sunday.
The Guz: No! I don't wanna shovel.
Scruffy: You don't have to. You can make it snow and your house disappear. There's a marvelous thing about having infinite powers.
Jebus: Make it blizzard by me. Where there's only sunshine.
Cloak 2: Rrr... time to retreat! This was but a warning... THE WORST IS YET TO COME (turns into a giant soap bubble and disappears)
Lupine: Oh yeah, we forgot him.
Jebus: That was... unexpected..
Krazy: Bubble bubblicious!
Scruffy: Can I pop him?
Que Pasa: Looks like our problems are just about wrapped u- (Lunchman grabs the back of his head and begins slamming it repeatedly into a railing) THIS HURTS ALOT
That Krazy Dude: I thought I got rid of him!
Scruffy: Apparently you didn't.
Lupine: (kicks Lunchman) That's for the stupid pass rule!
Jebus: (looks to Scruffy) I too have lost a kingdom! JOIN ME! WE WILL REBUILD!
Lupine: Making me buy lunch for two people!
Scruffy: *elbows him in the face*
Lupine: Other than myself!
Scruffy: Next time, finish the job!
Lupine: (inhales and kicks his scrotum)
Que Pasa: Is... this... the man... who eliminated the fries?
Lupine: Yes my son, he did.
Scruffy: Er, no, that was Isa, when he was hungry, and found your lunch. Jebus have mercy on those fries.
Krazy: In school cap'n.
Que Pasa: *shoves Lunchman into cannon nose and fires him into the Tiger Shark Canyon.*
Scruffy: Oh man!
Krazy: You know, the tiger shark is an elusive creature. Only found in certain regions of the worl-chicken nuggets!
Scruffy: You know what they say about tiger sharks guys! They eat ANYTHING!!!!!!1111one XD
Lupine: Ooh sounds like he'll have fun!
Babyface McTraitorpants: We did it, team!
Scruffy: No, you did it. For the nation. For the world. For humans all over the world!
Que Pasa: Yes Babyface, I see you having a great future in this enterprise.
Lupine: Yeah Babyface.
Krazy: Yeah my balls.
Lupine: You may even be greater than The Guz. (grabs anti-smite gear) (anti-smite not anti-semite don't sue us)
Que Pasa: What did they call themselves? Bronze Cobra Conspiracy?
Scruffy: No! Pssh you guys never remember. The Tapdancing Phone Pandas. At least I think so.
Krazy: I thought it was the Bland Combing Corporation.
Lupine: Wasn't it the Nickel Mambas Incorporated?
Scruffy: No. That's the chain of your restaurants that went bankrupt and failed.
That Krazy Dude: Where the fuck is my sandwich!?
Stampede: omfg We have way too many villains guys! We should throw a party for them and make some friends.
Lupine: ::kicks stampede:: Shut up! We are pirates. Villains are norm.
Scruffy: Except those land crawling piranhas. They were no fun nor normal.
That Krazy Dude : Love lift us up where we belong Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high Love lift us up where we belong Far from the world we know Up where the clear winds blow
Stampede: No they aren't, we are villains sort of.
Lupine: Are we, Stampede? We save the world enough times.
Scruffy: We're not villains. We're just different.
Lupine: If anything, we are heroes in a world of villains.
Stampede: And fuck that, we can't even keep track of our enemies! That's a problem.
Krazy: Actually we can. We have a wiki full of villains.
Scruffy: I do, in this here little notebook. Its pink cover is deceiving to the truth.
*That night, at the secret lair of the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy.*
Grand Shadowy Mystery Villain: No matter, Cloak 2. Mr. T will be our's in due time. In the meantime, our experiments will continue to bring us towards our ultimate goal...
Morgan Freeman: Well it seems the crew has a new mystery on its hands! What is the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy and what is its secret agenda? Tune in to stand a chance of finding the answers!
*Cheesey ending credits.*
Krazy Dude: My nuts itch (pulls out two acorns and scratches them)
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