GCPA Sidequests Part 10
| Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests |
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Bronze Cobra Conspiracy
Part One: The Child of Fat
by by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, Jebus, Darth Curry and Edwin on Feburary 26, 2007
*The Golden Cheesecake is sailing proud as usual.*
Edwin: Oh, so that's your starting phrase. We're just supposed to be your little pawns and get into character?
*The pirates are trying to form a human pyramid.*
Edwin: John's playing with us, like we're his little toys!
*Edwin begins to do an Irish jig.*
Jebus: Captain, I am sailing at half mast! We have an emergency!
That Krazy Dude: Your mom's sailing at half mast!
Darth Curry: WAH! WAH! HAW!!! (is not noticed by the others)
Lupine: oh snao!
Jebus: ... Mary...?
That Krazy Dude: Yes, snao.
Second Mate Chef Lupine: snap*
That Krazy Dude: No, snao's better.
Captain Scruffy: It's a very refreshing drink.
That Krazy Dude: Do I get to be on top of the pyramid? Cuz I'm the star. =D
Lupine: Why are we making a pyramid?
Jebus: I don't see the point of a giant male pramid...
First Mate Que Pasa: Cap'n, we have a problem!
Scruffy: We always do.
Que Pasa: We need a new crewmate to finish the pyramid!
Scruffy: Anybody new here?
That Krazy Dude: Am I new?
Stampede: Maybe I can do it. (walks to pyramid) You know what guys, I think I'll go play some Counter-Strike- yes, out here in the ocean- call me if we're attacked. (leaves)
That Krazy Dude: He's left us! For an online game! DX
Lupine: You stay you son of a bitch! (grabs Stampede and ties him to a mast)
Stampede: (comes in) I already left Lupine.
Lupine: (ties him up) You just got bitched!
Stampede: Ill, you homo!
???: I can join your crew.
Scruffy: No! ??? ITS YOU!
Que Pasa: I don't know who he is, but I like him already! Let's bring him in!
Jebus: *Curses his evil ??? Rival from Pokemon*
Scruffy: Hmmm
That Krazy Dude: Yo this new guy looks a little... fruity.
Scruffy: My second mate seems to be sexually attracted to you. He needs to get out of the boat more often
Stampede: Ewww...
Jebus: Lupine's having a field day with rope...
Darth Curry: And Darth Curry shall retire until the evil is needed by playing some Call of Duty 3.
Scruffy: You're in!
???: My name is Babyface McTraitorpants. I have magical dance powers!
Que Pasa: Cap'n, you have to let this guy in! He's dynamite!
Jebus: ... Guy dancer...
That Krazy Dude: He has feet of flame.
Jebus: He is flaming all right.
Lupine: Didn't we have a dancer for a while?
Que Pasa: If you count your mom.
Stampede: Cap'n! I didn't know you were here Cap'n!
Scruffy: I'm always here, you just never listen to me. Like that time I asked you for help when I was attacked by my stalker, you just walked past me. I cried that day...
That Krazy Dude: Yeah Edwin! Walked right past him!
Stampede: Yeah, sorry about that Cap'n, I walked by too.
Que Pasa: I... might also... have been in the general area...
Jebus: Who is talking again?
That Krazy Dude: Walked past who?
Stampede: The captain, I coulda saved him.
Jebus: The who? We... have a captain..?
Stampede: Of course, every ship has a captain!
Scruffy: When did we get a captain?
Jebus: Holy crap. I never knew.
Scruffy: Neither did I. Well then.
Jebus: Hmmm...
Scruffy: Let's have it, bring him in so he can meet his captain.
Lupine: Whos Cap'n?
Scruffy: The monkey.
*The newcomer looks on at this moment of ADD. Ricky jumps onto the deck of the ship.*
Ricky: WHO CALLED ME?
That Krazy Dude: ...Hey look a cloud!
Ricky: WHERE!!! (runs off in search of the cloud)
Babyface McTraitorpants: Why hello there Scruffy. See my definitely-not-forged resume.
Jebus: He's right! It's not forged!
Scruffy: So, I see you have experience in.... stripping eeeerrr um oh shi-
Babyface McTraitorpants: I danced for every president
JebusOo: Even President Al-Gore?
Stampede: Guys what are you stupid!? This is definitely forg- *Stampede is shot with a tranq gun* Well played... Babyface... *falls asleep*
Scruffy: It's Stampede's nap time. Krazy, tuck him in.
Lupine: Hmmm almost poetic. The marksman shot.
Jebus: The money shot.
Lupine: Huh?
Babyface McTraitorpants: Hey everyone, look over there!
*While everyone's looking in the opposite direction, a smoke bomb is dropped on the crew.*
Scruffy: My pants.
That Krazy Dude: Hmmm smells like buttercups.
Lupine: Buttercuos?
*Two cloaked figures slip in.*
Mr. Cloak 1: Quick, get the target!
Mr. Cloak 2: I know, you don't have to remind me!
Stampede: (gets up) Fuck, that tranq had no power whatsoever. What a fag.
Scruffy: Your name, it's quite.... unique *stabs myself with tranq dart* Oh yeah, that hits the spot just right! *falls asleep*
Jebus: WOOHOO I R IN HALO 3 BETA!!
Stampede: Babyface, I challenge you to a duel! ...(looks to Jebus) Shit really?
That Krazy Dude: (laughs) The beta with Crackdown.
Stampede: Awesome.
Jebus: Stfu :-(
Lupine: (kicks Cloaked Figure One)
Babyface McTraitorpants: (approaches Stampede) Fine we will duel with hammers while the rest of the ship is emboiled in chaos.
Jebus: Is emboiled even a word?
Stampede: Probably not.
- CHAOS*
Cloak 1: That's just ride! (uses fire magic to knock Lupine over)
That Krazy Dude: ...
Stampede: Babyface it's guns or I tranq myself like Scruffy!
Babyface McTraitorpants: Fine.
Stampede: Damn, I wanted to tranq myself. *sigh* Oh well. Someone count us down.
Lupine: (gets up) Magic ehh?
Mr. Cloak 1: You have no idea.
Lupine: (creates fireball in hands) I think I do. (misses and lights ship up... again) Dammit!
Scruffy: (wakes up) You, that didn't last as long as I expected it to.
That Krazy Dude: Hey I had a sandwich here a second ago...
*Tumbleweed rolls.*
Mr. Cloak 2: (leaps on Mr. T's back, attempts to catch Mr. T within stretchy body) I have the target!
That Krazy Dude: Maybe if I do a countdown I'll get my sandwhich. 5... 4... 3... 2...
Babyface McTraitorpants: (sniffs finger)
That Krazy Dude: 1... bam!
Babyface McTraitorpants: (shoots)
*The fire spreads to the gunpowder room.*
Scruffy: Okay people, use your environment to your advantage! (picks up nearest object... a balloon)
Stampede: (shoots bullet at Marko) That's for tying me up, you jerk!
Lupine: (dodges) And it's Lupine, Stampede!
Stampede: Omfg Marko let's be real!
That Krazy Dude: Oh there's my sandwhich! Hmmm a fire! *roasts sandwhich*
Scruffy: YAAAAHHH!!!! *smacks Babyface with balloon*
Lupine: It's GCPA, PHYSICS DON'T EXIST!
Jebus: Guys we must defeat them with Michael Jackson dance moves!
*Stampede transforms into The Guz.*
That Krazy Dude: This is a good sandwich...
The Guz: Oh yeah, "Lupine"? (smites Lupine)
Lupine: Hmmm Guz ow.
That Krazy Dude: Good amount of cheese.
Lupine: Weren't you gonna fight Traitorpants?
The Guz: Nah he's cool.
Jebus: (smites The Guz) (for fun =D)
That Krazy Dude: Tasty lunchmeat.
The Guz: Jebus you jerk! We're buddies!
Jebus: Hahaha! I know...
The Guz: We smite people together!
Jebus: I just haven't smited.. It's almost like blue balls.. but not really.
The Guz: (double smites Lupine)
Lupine: We are buddies too aren't we? iwch
The Guz: We are buddies when you spell correctly.
Babyface McTraitorpants: (hits Scruffy in the back of the head with wine bottle) Oh, that Cloak must have tossed the bottle.
Scruffy: Ouch man, that hurt. *takes wine bottle, and counter hits with rage* How do you like it you stupid whore!
Que Pasa: *rushes down to the Closet of Horrors*
Lupine: *casts Cure 4*
That Krazy Dude: WAIT A SECOND!!! I forgot the mayo.
Scruffy: No! Not the mayo!
*Cloak 2 has Mr. T in a net.*
Mr. Cloak 2: Hurry, we must depart!
Mr. Cloak 1: I'm coming!
That Krazy Dude: *takes a handful of mayo pockets*
Scruffy: We couldn't afford real mayo! It's cow spermatoza!
*Square Enix sues Lupine for copyright infringement*
Lupine: (dodges lawsuit) Cure 4 never existed, it only went up to 3.
*The Lunchman arrives and kicks Krazy in the face.*
Lunchman: Only two packets for students!
Lupine: Not lunch man! Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo!
Scruffy: Hey guys, stop bickering. They're getting away with the angry black man and our treasure. Also our ship's on fire, regards to Lupine.
Lupine: *smiles and gives a thumbs up*
Scruffy: (knees Lupine into the ground) It's anti thumbs-up day!
Lupine: My manness!
Que Pasa: Good thing this ghost ship we got from Chevy Chase is indestructible.
That Krazy Dude: (gets up) So this is what it's come down to, Lunchman? We must battle then.
Que Pasa: (opens the Closet of Horrors, unleashing Shenoda clones that trample the Cloaks and free Mr. T.)
*Mr. T begins beating down Cloaks 1 and 2.*
*The part of Stampede/The Guz will be played by Dr. "Beast" Lavlinski from here on.*
*Cloak 1 is sent flying and lands at Lupine's feet. His hood falls off to reveal... Greco.*
Lupine: You!
Scruffy: Oh, it's you again. You! You didn't have to be so mean and kick my desk.
Stampede: Greco?
*Stampede is himself again and kicks Greco in the ribs*
Stampede: =D
Lupine: (grabs pole and impales to no affect, then hits Stampede with fireballs)
*Krazy dodge rolls out of the way of Lunchman and picks up his mop. Lunchman rushes a second time.*
Krazy: What is love? Baby don't hurt me!
Scruffy: *sprays mud onto face*
Lupine: Kicks are my thing.
Stampede: (brushes off embers) Dude, you're dealing with The Guz. Remember that. =D
Lupine: You're not The Guz there. So therefore you = mortal. Meaning fire works. =D I got this.
Krazy: Stop trying to find flaws in each other's characters!
Greco: For the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy! (covers himself in fire and blasts fireballs at the crew)
Lunchman: Huh?
Krazy: (hits Lunchman in the face with a mop knocking him off of the ship; looks over to see Greco)
Greco: We cannot leave without the parcel!
Mr. Cloak 2: Yeah I know!
Lupine: (sprays water at Greco)
Greco: (falls over and cries)
Krazy: So Greco's one of the men behind this attack huh?
Scruffy: Stampede's =D + 8===== = 8=====D
Jebus: Is that Asci penis missing a head..?
Stampede: Nice subliminal message Scruffy.
Scruffy: I do what I'm payed to do.
Lupine: You get paid?
Scruffy: Not prostitution against popular belief. Yes, I do. To make boxes and put things in boxes, and so on. Like so...
Jebus: So you're the box man! That's how I know you!
*A work station appears. Scruffy makes a tiny box and puts Greco in it.*
Lupine: Eck tiny. Sucks for him.
Scruffy: Greco, for when you need him on the go! We don't though, so... (throws box into ocean) They say Tigersharks eat anything that falls into the ocean.
Jebus: *Continues sitting there sipping on tea while watching the crew fight* thats right! Dance my puppets!
*Babyface McTraitorpants shoves Que Pasa into the fire when no one's looking, then pulls him out from the other side.*
Babyface McTraitorpants: Remember I saved your life!
Que Pasa: Thank you, glorious Babyface!
Lupine: Wow Babyface! You're a hero!
*The Guz joins Jebus.*
The Guz: Hey, that looks like good tea. Can I have some?
Jebus: Sure. (hands him a cup) So... how's the weather?
The Guz: Pretty good.
Krazy: Dammit, now where'd I put my sandwich?
Lupine: (starts playing Phoenix Wright) OBJECTION!
Jebus: (smites Lupine's DS) Fight damn you! THE ROOF IS ON FIRE!
Lupine: ;_;
Scruffy: *praises The Guz* Make it blizzard on Sunday.
The Guz: No! I don't wanna shovel.
Scruffy: You don't have to. You can make it snow and your house disappear. There's a marvelous thing about having infinite powers.
Jebus: Make it blizzard by me. Where there's only sunshine.
Cloak 2: Rrr... time to retreat! This was but a warning... THE WORST IS YET TO COME (turns into a giant soap bubble and disappears)
Lupine: Oh yeah, we forgot him.
Jebus: That was... unexpected..
Krazy: Bubble bubblicious!
Scruffy: Can I pop him?
Que Pasa: Looks like our problems are just about wrapped u- (Lunchman grabs the back of his head and begins slamming it repeatedly into a railing) THIS HURTS ALOT
That Krazy Dude: I thought I got rid of him!
Scruffy: Apparently you didn't.
Lupine: (kicks Lunchman) That's for the stupid pass rule!
Jebus: (looks to Scruffy) I too have lost a kingdom! JOIN ME! WE WILL REBUILD!
Lupine: Making me buy lunch for two people!
Scruffy: *elbows him in the face*
Lupine: Other than myself!
Scruffy: Next time, finish the job!
Lupine: (inhales and kicks his scrotum)
Que Pasa: Is... this... the man... who eliminated the fries?
Lupine: Yes my son, he did.
Scruffy: Er, no, that was Isa, when he was hungry, and found your lunch. Jebus have mercy on those fries.
Krazy: In school cap'n.
Que Pasa: *shoves Lunchman into cannon nose and fires him into the Tiger Shark Canyon.*
Scruffy: Oh man!
Krazy: You know, the tiger shark is an elusive creature. Only found in certain regions of the worl-chicken nuggets!
Scruffy: You know what they say about tiger sharks guys! They eat ANYTHING!!!!!!1111one XD
Lupine: Ooh sounds like he'll have fun!
Babyface McTraitorpants: We did it, team!
Scruffy: No, you did it. For the nation. For the world. For humans all over the world!
Que Pasa: Yes Babyface, I see you having a great future in this enterprise.
Lupine: Yeah Babyface.
Krazy: Yeah my balls.
Lupine: You may even be greater than The Guz. (grabs anti-smite gear) (anti-smite not anti-semite don't sue us)
Que Pasa: What did they call themselves? Bronze Cobra Conspiracy?
Scruffy: No! Pssh you guys never remember. The Tapdancing Phone Pandas. At least I think so.
Krazy: I thought it was the Bland Combing Corporation.
Lupine: Wasn't it the Nickel Mambas Incorporated?
Scruffy: No. That's the chain of your restaurants that went bankrupt and failed.
That Krazy Dude: Where the fuck is my sandwich!?
Stampede: omfg We have way too many villains guys! We should throw a party for them and make some friends.
Lupine: ::kicks stampede:: Shut up! We are pirates. Villains are norm.
Scruffy: Except those land crawling piranhas. They were no fun nor normal.
That Krazy Dude : Love lift us up where we belong Where the eagles cry, on a mountain high Love lift us up where we belong Far from the world we know Up where the clear winds blow
Stampede: No they aren't, we are villains sort of.
Lupine: Are we, Stampede? We save the world enough times.
Scruffy: We're not villains. We're just different.
Lupine: If anything, we are heroes in a world of villains.
Stampede: And fuck that, we can't even keep track of our enemies! That's a problem.
Krazy: Actually we can. We have a wiki full of villains.
Scruffy: I do, in this here little notebook. Its pink cover is deceiving to the truth.
*That night, at the secret lair of the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy.*
Grand Shadowy Mystery Villain: No matter, Cloak 2. Mr. T will be our's in due time. In the meantime, our experiments will continue to bring us towards our ultimate goal...
Morgan Freeman: Well it seems the crew has a new mystery on its hands! What is the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy and what is its secret agenda? Tune in to stand a chance of finding the answers!
*Cheesey ending credits.*
Krazy Dude: My nuts itch (pulls out two acorns and scratches them)
Week Two: The Flames of the Sun Within
by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, No Name, Edwin and Curry on March 5, 2007
No Name: And this is what I have to say! *grabs wine bottles and cracks against head* The blood gives it an extra zest.
Morgan Freeman: When we last left off, the GCPA had adopted a mysterious new crewmate, Babyface McTraitorpants, who is perfect in every way! Additionally, they confronted agents of the mysterious Bronze Cobra Conspiracy and discovered that one of the agents was someone who was once among their most trusted allies- Greco.
No Name: *Powerpuff theme song plays* Blossom, commander and the leader. Bubbles..she gots the...nuh nah nah....eh
Morgan Freeman: The GCPA have decided to investigate Greco's home for clues and cut off No Name's narration.
Lupine: ::kicks No Name for bringing up Powerpuff:: For shame.
Edwin: Powerpuffs are chill.
Lupine: Holy hell! When'd Edwin get here?
No Name: He was always here.
Edwin: I'm always there, even when you think I'm not
That Krazy Dude: I miss the sandwich from the first story...
No Name: *wakes up from long ass nap*
Greco the Younger: I challenge you with the heart of the cards!
No Name: !
Darth Curry: How many Grecos are there?
Lupine: Go No Name!
No Name: Am I ready... ?
Lupine: ::hands no name own deck:: Use it well. It's served me well.
No Name: Wait who's dueling this chump?
Lupine: Yea Que Pasa, who?
That Krazy Dude: I will take the challenge.
Que Pasa: I think the other crewmates beat the crap out of him and tied him to that tree while you guys were talking.
That Krazy Dude: ...
No Name: Oh.
That Krazy Dude: Dammit! This was supposed to be the dramatic showdown...
Darth Curry: I feel like I'm in a porno chat and no one cares for me =[
Lupine: Crap.
That Krazy Dude: I'm hungry.
No Name: Weird place. *looks at family photos* All these people look like Greco only with a girly wig or mustache.
Darth Curry: Everything is all about Edwin!
That Krazy Dude: Hey, everybody loves Edwin! Which is why he's getting a sitcom to himself next month.
Que Pasa: *opens hidden panel and finds a room of comics*
No Name: Spider-Man, as far as the eye can see.
Lupine: And Civil War.
That Krazy Dude: Give me some! I'll sell them on eBay and use the money to buy a new scooter even though there never really was a scooter. Just a rock with a board on it with a baseball bat taped vertically to the front. Never liked that scooter that much.
Que Pasa: What is this place?!
Lupine: I dunno.
No Name: A demented man's play pen.
Lupine: ::looks at sign saying evil lab:: Nah cant be that
*Suddenly the group confronts a burly, red-bearded man.*
No Name: !
Que Pasa: Who are you?
Meyer: The name's Agent Meyer, secret agent.
No Name: Not to be confused with officer, who is a CIA.
Lupine: So what division do you work in? Navy, here to arrest us? Hmmm? ::Stares::
Agent Meyer: I work for the only division not involved in arresting pirates - Agriculture.
No Name: Ah but in a way don't you arrest our nutrition?
Lupine: Ahh of course!
That Krazy Dude: Hey when did that floating head get here? And why is the room all black?
Agent Meyer: Naturally I have been assigned to investigate this mysterious conspiracy due to the massive threat it poses to the world's agriculture.
Lupine: How do they threaten that after all?
Que Pasa: What do you know about Greco?
Lupine: All they've done so far is attack a group of idiot pirates who manage to have the devil's luck with getting critical hits.
Agent Meyer: Meet me in the place that has no darkness, and I'll tell you more.
*SAgent Meyer begins to walk away, but Que Pasa turns on the light.*
Agent Meyer: Hm, this is well-lit enough I guess. Carry on!
That Krazy Dude: Hey Meyer, is that my 1984 book?
Meyer: ...
No Name: *topples over comic book shelf*
That Krazy Dude: *burns book*
No Name: *grabs Meyer by collar* TELL US WHAT YOU KNOW! *kicks comic book shelves*
That Krazy Dude: Yea tell us what you know!!!!
Agent Meyer: Don't you mandhandle me, you clod! *backhands No Name* Ha, the real me would be arrested for that.
Lupine: RABBLE RABBLE RABBLE!
That Krazy Dude: *calmly walks to a book and kicks it* *glares intimidatingly*
Agent Meyer: As I was saying, The Bronze Cobra Conspiracy is a mysterious shadowy organization.
Lupine: We already knew that! What are their goals ::grabs camera:: Tell us or the camera gets it.
That Krazy Dude: NO! NOT THE CAMERA!! I WANNA MAJOR IN FILM!!!!! *tackles Lupine*
Lupine: ::hits ground and the camera is shattered from force of the impact::
That Krazy Dude: NOOOOO!!!!
Lupine: ::looks up and Krazy::
That Krazy Dude: WHAT HAVE YOU DONE!?!?!?
No Name: *looks upon with intrigue*
Agent Meyer: Its members have been experimenting in genetics through legal and illegal methods, and genetically enhancing themselves with superpowers.
No Name: When will mankind learn to not play God?
Agent Meyer: They seem to be building up towards one master goal. But we don't know what yet.
Lupine: Wait, what powers do they have? ::tries to ignore Krazy and his rage::
No Name: Bubble transformation, Lupine! C'mon.
Lupine: But-
No Name: Pay attention.
Lupine: Isn't that useless?
Agent Meyer: As you saw, Greco had flame powers.
Lupine: I mean, really.
No Name: Wait...flame powers - like Cap'n!
Lupine: I thought he just ran into my flames. Hmm, you're right No Name.
That Krazy Dude: Perhaps each individual has his own powers.
Scruffy: Poncho.
Lupine: Meyer, do they have say our DNA on record?
Agent Meyer: We don't know much yet.
Lupine: Guys if they do, we may very well be facing a smarter batch of Bizarros.
That Krazy Dude: ...Do any of us have bubble powers?
Captain Scruffy: *drops out of ventilation system* Yummy, thanks for the empanada Edwin. Wait, so he did have my powers?
Lupine: Bubble powers?
Agent Meyer: We're planning to send an inside man to spy on them and find their true inner workings. The only reason I'm telling you instead of wiping your memories is to warn you. Whatever plans they have involve your crew in some way.
Scruffy: Can I be the inside man?
That Krazy Dude: Does that mean we're popular!?
Lupine: Wow we are special! Maybe now I'll be able to get a date. So what No Name tells me is all lies, I'm actually part of sometime special? [Editor's Note: No one had the heart to break the truth to him]
Scruffy: so... can I be the inside man?
Agent Meyer: If you wish. You will have to pass several trials.
Lupine: Oooh Can I make the trials? I got some great ideas. [Editor's Note: Actually taken from an episode of Angel of all things]
Agent Meyer: Fine, whatever.
Scruffy: ... I fear the worst, but I guess I gotta be prepared for anything.
No Name: Wait you're the inside man.
Scruffy: I am now I guess. Shoot what you got at me
Lupine: Yay! Okay. First...
No Name: Why would Lupine make the course...
Lupine: You must battle him!
Agent Meyer: ARE YOU PREPARED FOR THIS!! (morphs into Hulk Hogan and leaps on Scruffy)
Scruffy: And about to be trained by foolish tests.
Lupine: ::points to Meyer::
Scruffy: Oh crap.
Lupine: You must fight him until that gate opens. ::points to gate::
Darth Curry: FINE! I'm leaving!
Scruffy: *tackled and pin to floor*
No name: *wrestling ring emerges from ground*
Scruffy: ....Help here. Aw crud, cage match?
Que Pasa: I have a feeling that Dartrh Curry is building up to some grand villainous appearance.
Lupine: After that you must walk across thousands of HIV-riddled needles to a door with the key in a vat of sulfuric acid and must get the key.
No Name: Okay, that's a little too dark for the GCPA.
Scruffy: *throws fire ball launching Meyer into middle of air, then rolls out of way as he falls*
Darth Curry: YO I SWEAR! WATCH...I'M GONNA COME BACK.....AND YOU'RE GONNA REGRET IT......watch yourself No Name......watch yourself!
Scruffy: *gets up and takes out a monkey, lights it on fire, and has it hug Meyer until he falls down form being prolonged exposure to flames*
Agent Meyer: Okay you pass the test.
Scruffy: Except for me breaking my arm in the pin... that wasn't too bad!
No Name: NO! Cap'n! You can't hit Hulk Hogan. He's the embodiment of America!
Scruffy: I just did. He's there.
Lupine: Now stage two! That was just the test of strength. He must pass a test of knowledge.
Scruffy: *in anaphalactyc shock on the floor* If it's on Algebra, I failed.
Shenoda: Abramz, you no do homvork, you get 50 on test!
No Name: We're doomed.
Agent Meyer: (sighs)
Lupine: Meh, actually Meyer it's your show. Do what you will. I'm gonna sit down and have some soda.
Scruffy: Can I have some?
Darth Curry: NO NAME! WATCH YOURSELF!....I'm saying...watch yo self..........
No Name: Pay attention!
Scruffy: Hey, can Curry be my other assistant agent?
No Name: What's a curry?
Scruffy: He's the Indian dude that was threatening to kill you.
That Krazy Dude: Am I a curry?
Agent Meyer: For this test you must hunt down Darth Curry and steal his lucky four-leaf clover.
Scruffy: But I have my own.
Lupine: ::steals it:: Now you don't. Listen to the large man
Scruffy: Or me. I'm not too sure. Okay, okay. *walks up to Curry* Yo, lend me your clover for a sec.
Lupine: Hey Cap'n! ::tosses him some special soda from own kitchen:: Use it well, kid!
Scruffy: Thanks. *opens one up and it explodes* Ouch.
That Krazy Dude: That's using your head!
Que Pasa: *Analyzes the special soda and finds it contains 99.99 percent steroids*
Lupine: How do you think my kicks are strong? I'm always caffeinated.
That Krazy Dude: Orange you glad I didn't say banana?
Scruffy: So Curry, can I get your clover?
That Krazy Dude: ... He's deciding.
Que Pasa: He must be having intense inner conflict.
No Name: He was never too good with sharing... I remember that time...
*Back when Curry was Patten McGroin, Patten tries to assassinate Scruffy.*
No Name: Hey Patten let me borrow your gun!
That Krazy Dude: To get to the other side!
Patten McGroin: NEVER NO NAME!
*End flashback.*
Darth Curry: *gives clover*
Scruffy: Awesome! Here. The clover, as requested.
No Name: What's so special about this clover?
Agent Meyer: Excellant! Only the smartest man in the world could have pulled off such a feat!
Scruffy: Next test!
Agent Meyer: Now for the last and most difficult test of all - the test of CHILDBIRTH! (presses magic button, and Scruffy goes into labor)
No Name: omg! Couldn't you just let him have pee'd out a kidney stone!
Lupine: Wait a second, how does that help you infiltrate a secret organization?
The Guz: (smites Lupine) Stop trying to make sense, Lupine.
No Name: In order to give up life, one must learn to give it!
The Guz: God! ::flicks hair::
That Krazy Dude: ... *flips hair*
Scruffy: .... This is quite disturbing.
Que Pasa: PUSH! PUSH!
Darth Curry: BA BOOMP!
That Krazy Dude: You can do it Scruffy! I can't believe I'm gunna be an uncle!
Lupine: I believe in you! Wait a second... who's the father?
No Name: *holds captains hand*
Scruffy: *takes out syringe* *injects himself with testosterone, taking away symptoms of labor* Thank you House!
*Mr. Noble appears and pulls No Name into the shadows.*
No Name: What...where am i?
Darth Curry: I'm confused... *Curry slap attack*
Scruffy: So now that I've passed said 3 tests, can I get a mission?
Edwin: 3!
Lupine: Oh god no!
Scruffy: And can the Indian Skinhead come along?
Agent Meyer: Yes.
Scruffy: Woo! Suit up, Curry. We're going to Cambodia after all.
Lupine: Hey Meyer, then what do we do?
That Krazy Dude: Orange you glad I didn't say banana? You know guys ...having a pirate ship and all....have we every made someone walk the plank?
Scruffy: Once. You might not remember, you were all asleep.
Que Pasa: Hey, where's Babyface? (peeks into the cabin and sees him asleep on couch) Aw, he must have drank too much at the party. He's looks so peaceful and not like a traitor...
Lupine: ::sits and starts flipping through mag::
Agent Meyer: I will provide you two with your fake IDs. You will have to be separated from the rest of the crew and be in danger at nearly every moment.
Scruffy: But I made the Dean of Rutgers walk the plank cause he wouldn't stop sending me letters.
Agent Meyer: I DON'T CARE!
Scruffy: Okay, okay. So... do we get those nifty goggles with infra, night, thermal, etc. vision?
That Krazy Dude: Oh what's etc. vision!? I wanna know.
Agent Meyer: I'll send you off on your mission by the next episode. I've stayed here too long - (looks out window) HIT THE DECK!
*A missile hits the wall and a group of ninjas enter.*
Darth Curry: I was napping. *suits up* GO GADGET CURRY!
*The ninjas quickly dump gasoline all over and drop a lit match, setting the house on fire.*
Lupine: Damn ninjas! Aquas- No! ::tries to cast water but a ninja knocks him out::
Que Pasa: You wanna dance eh (kicks a ninja through eight flaming walls)
That Krazy Dude: Damn I forgot my bucket at home!
Scruffy: Not again. Everyone, take evasive action *sigh* again.
Que Pasa: OH NO (the fire reaches the comic book pile and erupts supernova-like)
That Krazy Dude: NO!!! MY EBAY GOLD!!!
Scruffy: Abandon house.
Darth Curry: Ey yo Scruff, wizzle dizzle pink shinkle!
That Krazy Dude: *rolls Lupine's body under a chair* ...wha?
Scruffy: *hit with a volleyball*
Darth Curry: GO DANCE THE DANCE OF THE DISCO DANCING DANCERS!!!!!
No Name: *still MIA*
Darth Curry: Scruff....RUN !! No Curry, ride boy! Ride!
Lupine: ::under burning chair::
That Krazy Dude: Guys! where's No Name!?!?!?
Darth Curry: LET'S RIDE! *kick starts*
That Krazy Dude: *looks toward Lupine* Oh my god!
Que Pasa: *finds a stable of horses in the garage*
That Krazy Dude: *runs toward chair to find another sandwich like the one from the last episode on top of the chair* Mmmm nice and toasty
Hallucination of No Name: Talk about horsepower!
Darth Curry: *rim shot*!
*Everyone mounts the horses and starts riding out of the flaming house which is bigger than it looks, while the ninjas chase them on flying manta rays.*
That Krazy Dude: *throws Lupine on horse* Guess I'll have to handle this! *rides like the wind*
Lupine: ::comes to:: Ugh yo Krazy what's going on?
That Krazy Dude: If you grab onto me while I'm riding this thing I'll kick you off! Even if you're losing balance!
Lupine: Uh okay.
Darth Curry: *rides back for 1 last thing* : ... ...
*Captain Scruffy and Curry look at each other, shake heads, and do what they do best.*
Darth Curry: ...
Que Pasa: NO CURRY IT'S NOT WORTH IT!
Darth Curry: Yeah I realized I forgot the captain.
Lupine: No! Capn!!!!
Que Pasa: THAT'S WORTH IT!
Scruffy: Say your line!
Darth Curry: Ey yo.....LETS RIDE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! !!! *kick starts*
Scruffy: Alright! *Mounts horse*
Lupine: ::looks at the fire and sees explosion:: Ca'pn!!!
Scruffy: *lights himself on fire, and horse too* Giddiya! *The horse dies.* Oh man, that worked out differently in my head.
Que Pasa: SOMEBODY SAVE MY BABY!
*Curry and Cap'n ride out of the burning house in style. Somehow Curry got a motorcycle.*
That Krazy Dude: ...
Scruffy: Oh well *runs away*
Darth Curry: You mean rides away. It's cuz I'm Ghost Rider.
*The ship starts to take off and drops the anchor for the pirates to climb aboard. Babyface McTraitorpants is steering.*
Que Pasa: That McTraitorpants is really some kinda guy!
Hallucination of No Name: His horse is dead.
Darth Curry: NO!....he rides out!
That Krazy Dude: Where's No Name!?!?!? I've kinda pointed this out earlier, but still. Just putting that thought out there again.
*Elsewhere, Noble has No Name chained in a dungeon.*
No Name: You know, I had a dream like this. Only you were Miss October from Playboy.
Mr. Noble: Silence, you cad! So No Name, your joining NHS, aren't you?
No Name: Yelp!
*While all this is going on...Curry continues riding and runs in to Currya McNicebodee. He takes her with him and he shows her the best ride of her life*
Que Pasa: Oh man you sly supervillain!
That Krazy Dude: This sandwich is nice and warm. Mmm... shit I forgot the mayo again! *looks over to condiment section of ship in fear*
Babyface McTraitorpants: (holds up bottle of mayo) Here! I made it myself!
That Krazy Dude: Oh thanx!
No Name: That Babyface.
*That Krazy Dude hugs Babyface. During their hug, McTraitorpants puts a label saying "Mayonnaise" over the label with a skull and crossbones on it,*
*Sensei pops out and implants a chip on someone's head*
Sensei: Now you will be mine, muwahaha!
*Curry approaches Krazy Dude.*
Darth Curry: NO KRAZY! I have to save you... and help you. Because there's something you don't know about us and me and you. Your mother had 2 sons...she threw one away....he got laid...the chickadee he baboomed!... had a brother who had a father who had a sister who had a daughter who had a friend who had a college roommate who had a taxi driver who had a son who had an uncle who had a son...and that was me.
That Krazy Dude: !!!!!!!
Darth Curry: You're my distant non-related acquaintance!!!!
*Curry leaves Krazy Dude to process the information and returns to pleasing Currya McNicebody.*
Morgan Freeman: The mystery has deepened! No Name has gone missing! Sensei is up to some weird crap! What has the world come to? Find out next time!
Week Three: March of the Antelopes
by Que Pasa, Lupine, No Name and Jebus on March 30, 2007
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: So um, why is so much of the crew missing?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Penis Convention. No joke.. -Points to posters all over advertising it.
Que Pasa: Cap'n Scruffy and Curry have left to infiltrate the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::looks around and sees tumble weed::
Que Pasa: Now only me, you, Jebus and Babyface McTraitorpants and maybe some other crewmates are tracking down No Name Someone has to stop slipping amnesia juice into your drinks Lupine.
Grand Admiral Jebus: We are? -whistles-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Hmm...
*Elsewhere, No Name is strapped shirtless to a table with various electrical prongs hooked up to his body while Noble monitors him.*
Noble: How much do you know?
No Name: ...Eh, you'll never get it out of me alive copper!
Noble: ...Wrong answer. (turns dial, causing No Name to experience intense electrical shocks)
No Name: FOUR FOUR...FIVE I DON'T KNOW! *starts crying* What do you want me to say *sobs*
Noble: Tell me everything you and your friends know about the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy! (increases intensity of shocks)
No Name: GAAAAH! I don't know HONESTLY!
*Elsewhere, the other pirates continue their investigation.*
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::hums Scooby-Doo theme song:: Jinkies guys, I think I just found a clue!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Hmm.
Que Pasa: SHUT UP IT'S MY CLUE!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ...
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::is tackled by Que Pasa::
Que Pasa: This is clearly No Name's ascot that he always wears. We can use this to track him!
Grand Admiral Jebus: -pulls out shottie and cocks it- Lets go round up a mystery boys! YEEE HAW!
Que Pasa: *corners Scooby-Doo, wrestles him to the ground and bites a chunk of his flesh off*
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Unloads six shells into Scooby without warning-
Scooby Doo: ROOBY ROOBY OHHH!
Que Pasa: (licks lips) Nothing like the smell of dog flesh in the morning.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I know, give me a minute to use my now rarely used skill! Summon!!!! :: summons Jackie Chan on a leash:: Okay now Pasa, give him the scent! And we'll find him.
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Hmm.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: (looks up and sees what the others have been doing) Scooby?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Jackie Chan is dangerous, Lupine..
Que Pasa: *stuffs ascot down Jackie Chan's throat, choking him* That's where people smell things, right?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Remember he fought in the greatest of duels. The ultimate showdown of ultimate destiny..
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: There were good guys and bad guys, also explosions.
Grand Admiral Jebus: And Benito Mussolini.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::notices Jackie Chan turning purple:: Um Pasa, what'd you do?
Que Pasa: I gave him the ascot!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Where?
Que Pasa: In that tube thingy beneath his head.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Should I put him out of his misery.. I mean.. he is suffering.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Jebus, do it for all our sakes :: summons a BFG:: Use this!
Que Pasa: *notices Jackie turning purple* HE'S BECOME A MARTIAN, HIDE!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::jumps into ocean::
Grand Admiral Jebus: -takes BFG and lets out a tear before he obliterates Jackie; All that remains is the ascot, and a Swedish penis enlarger- Crisis over!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I always knew it! He was Swedish!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Yeah.. we'll go with that.
That Krazy Dude: *picks up penis enlarger* In the end...aren't we all a Swedish race...I like to call...the human race? I'll keep this penis enlarger...it might come in handy.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Good thinking Krazy! Convenient.
Que Pasa: Looks like No Name's being held at Noble's dungeon, according to this tracking device I planted on him
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Hey Pasa, why'd you do that?
Que Pasa: Do what?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Wait! The question here is, where is it on him?
Que Pasa: In his pants.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: 0_0
Que Pasa: The tracking devices enter via toilet seats. And people thought you could only get dangerous diseases from those!
Krazy: That's how Elvis died.
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Do I have one?
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: How many have you planted?
Que Pasa: One for every Pokemon.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: 400!!!!
Que Pasa: NO! 493!
Grand Admiral Jebus: So guys. I have a plan. A serious plan!
Krazy: Oh man!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Yes. A get rich scheme. And a way to be heroes! So.. who's in?
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: But aren't we fighting an evil conspiracy?
Grand Admiral Jebus: No!
Prerecording of No Name's Voice: ARE YOU READY TO TAKE THE CHALLENGE! POKEMON! DO YOU HAVE THE SKILLS TO BE NUMBER ONE! YEAH! WE ALL LIVE IN A POKEMON WORLD, POKEMON!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ...looking for our missing crewmates..
Grand Admiral Jebus: Meh. Well. If we follow our plan we will have like thousands of other guys! Then if we have time we can save them too!
Babyface McTraitorpants: Did you say that Noble has No Name? Then we must stop him as soon as possible! He'll ruin everything!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: What do you mean "ruin everything"?
Grand Admiral Jebus: Thats almost sounds traitorous.. Almost.. possibly..
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: But McTraitorpants'd never be like that. He's our hero.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Yeah, you're right.
Que Pasa: Babyface McTraitropants: He could... ruin...No Name's athletic build... which is like everything to any freedom-loving pirate!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Oh Babyface... always looking out for us!
Krazy: He's right! That baby!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Well.. Here's the deal. We will use our new allies to kill the infidel...- Save the crew!
*The pirates grab torches and pitchforks and rush towards Noble's home.*
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I have a score to settle!!!! ::lights fireball::
Grand Admiral Jebus: Wait! No! Don't attack yet!
*Noble sees on the computer monitor.*
Noble: Looks like your friends are paying a visit. I'll have to deploy my bodyguards. (presses red button)
Grand Admiral Jebus: We need some crazy plan. And dramatic entrance.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I got one.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Shoot.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::pulls boombox as it plays "Here I Am", then makes an earthquake for each of our footsteps ::
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... -Blows up boombox with his mind- Bad idea.
Que Pasa: *backhands Lupine* Only Vorpal can pull that off!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::blocks and slaps Que Pasa:: Looks like the shoe is on the other ear.
Que Pasa: Don't you dare talk back to me *continues backhanding Lupine until he cries*
Grand Admiral Jebus: Hmm.. -Straps a bomb to Lupine- They taught me this in Iran! Now just run in.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Sweatdrop >_>
Grand Admiral Jebus: ...
*Noble's bodyguard hatch opens; Will Farrell and Jon Heder ride out on skates wielding katanas.*
Grand Admiral Jebus: ! -MGS alert sound-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I hate you Heder!!!!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Go Lupine! Blow them up! 72 Virgins! Or Virginians.. Whichever!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: :: runs in and switches the bomb onto Farrell::
Grand Admiral Jebus: Damnit..
Que Pasa: *eats the bomb, then uses a neck pinch to knock out Farrell and Heder*
Grand Admiral Jebus: Huh..
Farrell: SHAKE AND BAKE!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Well..
Que Pasa: That was pretty easy. Once the brainwashing wears off they shoul- (giant explosion)
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Shit.
*Noble leaps up and, wearing Jon Heder and WIll Farrell as human skates, skates towards the pirates. He holds a bazooka in each hand.*
Noble: It's time you kids pulled a Romeo and Juliet and all drop dead!
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Pulls out a spray bottle with John Paul II giving the thumbs up- The power of Christ compels you! -and sprays Que Pasa with it- Lupine, throw hot coffee at his crotch!
Que Pasa: *rises and gives a thumbs-up*
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Kicks Lupine- Damn it stop looking at your Japanese porn!
Que Pasa: *instantly blown up by a missile from Noble* You don't happen to have more of that spray gun do you?
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: :: jumps in and kicks Noble:: Wah!!!!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Yeah I do.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: This is for all the times you made me cry! :: kicks him in face, gut, neck, spine and crotch at once, suddenly 3 extra legs appear::
Krazy: Stella!
*Lupine's legs become stuck in Noble's stomach and begin sinking in like some kind of strange quicksand*
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Argh!!!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Nooooo!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: :: throws fire balls at Noble's fat::
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Dumps bottle on Que Pasa's smoking remains-
Que Pasa: Okay I'm good!
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Pulls out the BFG and blows Que Pasa up for the hell of it-
Que Pasa: QWAAAA!
*Babyface McTraitorpants unhooks No Name from the table*
Babyface: You didn't tell him anything, did you?
No Name: No... no...I didn't.
Babyface: Good boy! (pinches No Name's cheeks)
No Name: *smiles and sings* You are my sunshine...my only sunshine *tear runs down face* Oh Babyface!
Babyface: Yes, No Name. Yes.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::throws fire at Noble still::
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Sudden urge to blow up No Name..-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: HELP!!!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Lupine... I have a problem here. Well.. I can blow him up! Bad news is you go boom boom also.. Wait!
Krazy: BOOM BOOM BOOM BOOM. I want you in my room!
*Babyface and No Name set up a tripwire that trips Noble, knocking him off of Jon Heder and Will Farrell*
Grand Admiral Jebus: Lupine Summon MICHAEL JACKSON!
Noble: GRRAWR!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I can't do that, Jebus.
Grand Admiral Jebus: You must!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: It's the one thing I swore never to do!
No Name: The bigger they are...the same force gravity attracts them with.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Pasa any ideas?
Que Pasa: *is back in limbo*
Grand Admiral Jebus: He can make more Jesus Juice so I can revive Que Pasa..
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: Fine! :: summons MJ::
Grim Reaper: Que Pasa you've got to beat me in limbo in order to escape limbo.
*Hermes from Futurama appears*
Hermes: This is for the boy who's limboing in heaven!
Que Pasa: Okay that's enough outside references!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Wait! One more reference... Giggity giggity giggity!
No Name: It appears the crew is in a quagmire... oh yeah! Reference and big word! (collects high-fives)
-MJ does some dances, crotch grabs and some freeky noises before he hands Jebus a new bottle of Jesus Juice and prances off to Neverland...Ranch-
Grand Admiral Jebus: -sprinkles the creamy Jesus Juice on Que Pasa- THE POWA O CHRIST COMPELLLS YOU MY SON! NOW RISE! -He says this in the most soulful voice possible-
Que Pasa: *rises and does a jig*
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::still stuck in Noble with no change and starts watching Robin Williams live on Broadway::
Grand Admiral Jebus: Okay. Good. No more boom boom. So... What do we do?
Que Pasa: That's a god question, and one not easily answered I assure you!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Hey God... it's Jebus... I know it's been a while, but are you there?
Que Pasa: Hang on, I have a plan!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Oh. Okay.
Que Pasa: *hooks up a fire hose attachment to Millenium Nose and spays at high pressure, washing Noble away like bad ooze in Super Mario Sunshine.*
No Name: Job well done!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Just goes to show that we don't need that long bearded hobo up there!
No Name: Also, guys...does God let you have sex in Heaven?
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... Oh yeah.
No Name: I mean, can you sin in Heaven once you're up there?
Grand Admiral Jebus: ...
Que Pasa: Maybe they've got things even better than sex there. It's Heaven after all.
No Name: ... *slaps Que Pasa* You're delirious!
Que Pasa: Good to have you back, No Name.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Well. I have 26 kids. So yeah!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: No Name. There are things better than sex
Grand Admiral Jebus: ... -Slaps Lupine- YOU SHUT UP!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::slaps him back with a horse shoe!::
No Name: Mhm. Like what, Lupine? MASTURBATING BY YOURSELF!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: There are better things.
No Name: LOSER!
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Cocks shotgun- Go on, tell me what's better.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: How often have you been laid huh? SO SHUT UP!
No Name: Oh man!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: VIRGIN! (Editor's Note: The pot calling the kettle black)
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Shoots Lupine in the face and whistles-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::falls in pain:: Mah fabe!
Grand Admiral Jebus: ...
Que Pasa: He did it! (points to Will Farrell, who is passed out on the ground and foaming from the mouth)
Grand Admiral Jebus: Good job guys! No casualties either! -shoots a few more rounds into Lupine for good measure-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ::lies motionless::
Que Pasa: I think the captain would be proud if he were here today!
Grand Admiral Jebus: Me too. Too bad. He sure would like a BFG.
Que Pasa: At least we have people like Babyface McTraitorpants to fill in that void.
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Nods- Without him we would fall apart..
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: :: manages to moan out words:: He's...my...hero....
No Name: Yeah.
Grand Admiral Jebus: So.. There's now four of us. We kinda need some more crew members.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I'm...not....dead....yet...
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Drops a frag grenade on Lupine and dives for cover-
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: ba...re....ly...al...ive... he...lp
*That Krazy Dude suddenly starts gagging and collapses.*
Babyface McTraitorpants: (drags Krazy to medical bay) He must have had some bad mayonnaise...
Que Pasa: That seems awful suspicious. That Krazy Dude always checks mayonnaise for poisons... unless it's given by another member of the crew! (looks suspiciously at everyone who isn't Babyface)
No Name: DON'T LOOK AT ME LIKE THAT QUE PASA!
Grand Admiral Jebus: It was probably Lupine! He is the cook after all...
No Name: What are you accusing me of, huh?
Que Pasa: THAT SOUNDS LIKE THE CONFESSION OF A GUILTY MAN!
No Name: Really.
Grand Admiral Jebus: -Shifty eyes-
No Name: It would sound like a guilty man to blame another!
Que Pasa: ...I'll be keeping an eye on you, Name.
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: yo...are....tea....ring.....us....ap...a...rt.
Que Pasa: Just bring him back to life already, his dying ellipses are getting annoying.
Grand Admiral Jebus: Fine fine fine.. -Drops some Jesus Juice on him- Live my child!
Lupine "The Uglynator" Shadow: I...can....stop...talking...like...Cap'n...Kirk!
Grand Admiral Jebus: I'll kill you!
*Elsewhere, Noble enters a rundown hut. A figure steps out from the shadows to meet with him. It is Saget.*
Saget: Mission report.
Noble: I'm sorry, master. I was unable to get any information out of my captive.
Saget: Then you will be summarily punished. (transforms arms into whip-like tentacles... or tentacle-like whips)
Morgan Freeman: Uh-oh! Krazy's in trouble! And looks like Saget is up to something! But what does all of this have to do with the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy? And what is their ultimate purpose? Who's the mystery traitor? How are Scruffy and Curry doing in the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy? What other questions could I ask to sum up the events of this episode while setting the stage for future episodes? Could Babyface BE anymore perfect? Find out.. next time! Same GCPA time, same GCPA place, same GCPA pudding!
On the next episode of Dragon Ball Z: Goku has been powering up for 5 episodes but...WHAT'S this! He seems to have suffered a hemorrhage! WHAT WILL HAPPEN NEXT!
Mac: Okay, that's a wrap!
Cosby:: Do whap doo whap shaboom boom cya!
Week Four: Que Pasa's Quest
by Scruffy, Que Pasa, Lupine, That Krazy Dude, Jebus and introducing White Panther on April 25, 2007
Morgan Freeman: Wow, Scruffy and Darth Curry have infiltrated the GCPA! His pirates are still up to wackiness! Krazy Dude's mayo was poisoned! And Babyface McTraitorpants is as not-traitorous as can be!
That Krazy Dude: *twitch*
White Panther: (short blonde female) Why am I here? *was never invited to join the mysterious pirate gang*
Morgan Freeman: You're a special guest star.
White Panther: Sweet!
Morgan Freeman: Now we begin!
Que Pasa: Guys we MUST travel to Idej Volcano Mountain and discover the secrets of my past.
That Krazy Dude: *twitch*
Jebus: You have a past first mate?
That Krazy Dude: No more..mayo...please
Jebus: I figure you were just always here..
Que Pasa: Apparently, I thought I just came into existence at one point.
Jebus: Hmm.. how secretive..
That Krazy Dude: *spasm*
White Panther: *mroww*
Captain Scruffy: *poncho*
Jebus: *fizzle..?*
White Panther: *looks at Que Pasa waiting for continuation-sound*
Que Pasa: (on fire) AUGHHHH!!!!
Captain Scruffy: Like a monkey!
Jebus: Shut up!
*Then, SHADE appears!*
Shade: I have been sent by people who want you dead!
Captain Scruffy: *cries in corner*
Jebus: -smacks Scruffy with rifle butt-
*Shade starts to do a ballet dance and kicks No Name in the face.*
White Panther: Is No Name even here?
That Krazy Dude: (no)
Captain Scruffy: Poo!
Que Pasa: Make it Lupine.
That Krazy Dude: (awesome)
Jebus: -gasps-
Captain Scruffy: Jaundicing!
Que Pasa: That Krazy Dude, I choose you! (tosses Krazy Dude at Shade)
That Krazy Dude: *twitch*
Captain Scruffy: That sucks. *wears an "I <3 Liver!" shirt
That Krazy Dude: *crash*
Jebus: -paces for a few moments before he turns back to the pirates goofing off, then he fired a shotgun shell off at them- Form up!
White Panther: o__O
Que Pasa: Hey Captain, aren't you supposed to be in the Bronze Cobra Conspiracy's HQ with Curry?
Captain Scruffy: 0__o Haha inverse! (vanishes)
That Krazy Dude: *lays on the floor spasming*
Que Pasa: What's up with that?
White Panther: Should someone help That Krazy Dude, or are we just gonna let him spaz?
Jebus: -blinks- Oh yeah.. not with my Jihad Squad huh.. Well, we could help him but what use is it, he wont learn his lesson!
Que Pasa: Good point, Mr. Jebus.
White Panther: Aah good point!
*Shade begins ice-skating, but falls through the ice when it shatters and lands in the lava below*
That Krazy Dude: Never...eat...mayo......again *twitch*
White Panther: I hate mayo.
Jebus: Cinco de mayo..
That Krazy Dude: Tastes...good on...chicken...sandwiches
Jebus: {Someone say this is madness..}
That Krazy Dude: This...is...mad......cream cheese
Babyface McTraitorpants: Only one of you guys could have tampered with his mayonnaise...
Jebus: Well if I put my money on it.. Lupine. I always see him hunching over the mayo looking like he was beating soemthing up.
Que Pasa: That wasn't mayo.
Jebus: ...
White Panther: Oh my...
That Krazy Dude: ...
Jebus: Then why did he have mayo jars?
That Krazy Dude: ...sick...
Jebus: Ohh.. wow..
White Panther: Oh God...
Jebus: umm..
White Panther: This is awkward >__>
Jebus: Jebu.. ME! he has been the chef since the beginning..
That Krazy Dude: He's...probably going...to return in...a couple...minutes...and say..."you guys suck" talking...while using...ellipses...is very annoying...
Jebus: First mate.. should I put him outta his misery?
That Krazy Dude: ...fuck...
Que Pasa: Something like that.
Jebus: -Cocks shotgun-
That Krazy Dude: ...fuck...again...
Jebus: Sorry Old Yeller.. -Shoots all the shells. but misses every time- ... ... ... ...fuck...
That Krazy Dude: ...wow...your aim...sucks
Jebus: ...
Que Pasa: Why don't we attack this random Bronze Cobra compound?
Jebus: -cries in a corner-
White Panther: *is a bit distracted*
Que Pasa: We all are.
*The crew approaches the compound, only to find... it has already been destroyed completely.*
White Panther: And we're also a little late, I'm guessing?
Que Pasa: WHO COULD HAVE DONE THIS we were probably gonna do the same anyway but OH THE HUMANUTY!!!
Jebus: WHY GAD WHY?!
White Panther: They beat you to it! *shakes head in disappointment*
Jebus: -Sighs for a moment- There is only one man with a dark past to do this.. -Points at Que Pasa-
White Panther: *le gasp*
Que Pasa: What is this?
Jebus: {madness you bum}
Henry Winker: Eyy, I did it all! (is ignored)
Jebus: Shut it Winker!
Que Pasa: This is a mutiny! I thought I was taking good care of you while the captain's gone?
Jebus: THIS IS TAKEOVER! -Epic kick in the nuts-
White Panther: *shoots self in the arm* x__X
Que Pasa: *AUGH* LIKE I JUST PEED ON AN ELECTRIC SOCKET!
White Panther: That sucks.
Jebus: But you said you had no clue where you are from oh first mate! So you could be shadow-y enough to do such a deed!
Henry Winkler: (sighs and returns to Saget's lair)
White Panther: *nurses arm* Saget has a lair?
Que Pasa: Everyone needs a lair.
White Panther: You make an excellent point.
Jebus: I had one..
Que Pasa: Come on, what do you think I was built by some pink monkey and prophecized to kill my friends?
Jebus: ... Yes.
White Panther: Yes.
Que Pasa: Fine, I'll show you my past! I'll show you everything!
That Krazy Dude: ...
Jebus: ...
That Krazy Dude: *twitch*
Jebus: Its not sexual right?
White Panther: Please refrain from showing us everything?
Que Pasa: Mr. T, set course for Idej Volcano Mountain across the Sea of Fire!
Mr. T: Shut up fool!
Lupine: DON'T CALL ME THAT GOSH! IDIOT! {:-(}
Mr. T: (glares at Lupine)
Lupine: (slowly steps away)
*At Bronze Cobra headquarters, Scruffy and Curry have been implanted into a Cobra unit.*
Shadowy Guy: Alright. Newbies, we're sending you to get this guy. We believe he destroyed one of our bases. (shows picture of Que Pasa; Scruffy and Curry look at each other in worry) Now go out there, kill him and prove your worth!
Scruffy and Curry: Sir yes sir!
*Elsewhere, the Golden Cheesecake has started sailing the sea of fire.*
Jebus: -Ties Que Pasa upto the mast and puts on a captains hat-
Que Pasa: Hey buuuuudies don't we have some trust after our past adventures?
Jebus: No! -Shoves a pair of Lupine's undies in Que Pasa's mouth and tapes his mouth shut-
Que Pasa: *starts dying*
Babyface McTraitorpants: (chuckles and shoots a flare gun) Look what Que Pasa did, now all our enemies can find us!
That Krazy Dude: Damn...sucks...more...than my...current issue ... *FUCKING TWITCH*
Jebus: Damn it Que Pasa! What have you done?!
Que Pasa: I DID NOT KILL MY WIFE!
Jebus: ... Dude.. Just.. Dude. no.
White Panther: I'm sorry, I've returned from the great unknown.
Jebus: Newbie go make sure that guy on the floor isn't dead.. and use your magic healing powers of God to fix him
Que Pasa: Maybe someone can give Krazy Dude a Life Shroom.
That Krazy Dude: Need...a...1up!
Que Pasa: Hey she can be our doctor!
Jebus: Yes! Since I do have Godly powers I am too lazy to use em!
Que Pasa: It beats Lupine's idea of recruiting House.
Jebus: If recruited House, like, we'd all almost die, get better, almost come closer to death then make a full recovery!
White Panther: *keeps disappearing* *apologizes*
Que Pasa: She's a gecko-woman!
White Panther: o__O
Jebus: -1-Ups Krazy-
That Krazy Dude: *1up sound effect plays* YES! NO MORE ELLIPSES!!!
Jebus: The powa O Christ compels you!
Cloaked Cobra: (leads a Bronze Cobra Squad onto the ship) You'll need it... (pulls out sword) Cuz your lives are about to run out!
White Panther: >_< *holds up shield in the corner*
Jebus: -Shoots a random shotgun shell for the hell of it, effectively hitting that cloaked cobra.- Oops..
*The Bronze Cobra agents, including Scruffy and Curry, rush forward in attack.*
Jebus: Krazy Dude! Do something! -Pulls a Jack Sparrow and hops into the row boat-
That Krazy Dude: *mops the floor; Some of the attackers trip over the suds, others hurtle over mounds of their downed comrades*
Que Pasa: Can someone untie me? We're almost at the volcano!
White Panther: *unties Que Pasa?*
Jebus: -Rows away to the great beyond.. which was about three rows away from the boat before he had become tired-
That Krazy Dude: Hey you, yea you, the ugly one! You have a spot on your shirt!
Random Attacker: Huh? *looks down*
That Krazy Dude: *punches him in the stomach*
Que Pasa: *runs along Bronze Cobra guy heads and then pole-vaults into the volcano.*
That Krazy Dude: I know there's supposed to be some other way to do that, but fuck it.
*The leader of the squad has lost his mask, revealing himself to be Count Gonad.*
White Panther: o__O
Gonad: (to Scruffy and Curry) You! Familiar-looking new guys! Get them!
*Elsewhere, Que Pasa hop-scotches to center of volcano and finds a notebook there.*
Jebus: -hops back onto the boat, sweating and exhausted-
*All of the enemies are gone or unconscious except for two*
Jebus: How convenient..
That Krazy Dude: CAP'N!? ...That other guy?
Que Pasa: Scruffy: Yes.
That Krazy Dude: What are you guys doing here?
Curry: We were sent to spy on these guys, remember?
That Krazy Dude: Oh yeah! So what are you gunna do now?
Scruffy: But then we realized... these guys made sense!
That Krazy Dude: What!?
Jebus: Wha..? -Points Shotgun at Scruffy- Don't make me do this man!
Scruffy: Stay away from the Bronze Cobra if you value your lives! This is your only warning!
*Curry emits a smokescreen; when it clears, Scruffy and Curry have disappeared.*
Jebus: Damn it!
White Panther: Hey, did I die?
Jebus: -Points at the doctor in the corner- I figure she passed out..
That Krazy Dude: Ahhh, And luckily Babyface was here to watch our backs!
Que Pasa: *runs back onto the ship.* I wrote my past in the notebook because I kept forgetting.
Jebus: -Snatches the notebook from Que Pasa's hands- Hmm.. seems real...
Que Pasa: Babyface is our guardian angel. Anyway, my mysterious past...
Jebus: Hey Que Pasa.. how did you shoot off that flare anyway?
Que Pasa: I lived a completely normal and uneventful life.
Jebus: -gasp-
Que Pasa: Then I evolved into a radioactive archeolosgist at Level 16 and later became Que Pasa after being traded over the Game Link cable with a Steel Coat. Also says that I'm not the traitor, on every other page.
Jebus: Amazing! Yeah, hmm..
That Krazy Dude: Oh sweet!
Jebus: So who else could be a traitor? I doubt Krazy would.
That Krazy Dude: Seeing as how I was spasming for a good hour.
Jebus: And I'm as harmless as a kitten. What about Babyface?
Que Pasa: That's just insane. Well at least we got a new-new crewmate out of this.
White Panther: o__O
Morgan Freeman: Okay, to be continued!
Jebus: NOOOOOOOOOOOOO -Shake fists- -waits for laughter & applause-
Captain Scruffy: *laughs*
Lupine: I have returned my children.
That Krazy Dude: Too late asshole.
Morgan Freeman: So some new mysterious have been unveiled and stuff, And my mom's kicking me off the computer! What's going on? Better luck next time!
Jebus: Morgan has a mom?
That Krazy Dude: Yea.
Jebus: No way!
That Krazy Dude: Yep wai.
Captain Scruffy: What?
Jebus: THIS IS MADNESS! ... -Waits for it-
Week Five
| Anthologies of GCPA Sidequests |
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