Gamehiker Member OG 8 Page 2

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Author: Masamune

Donkeyman: Well well well, I won. It's vacation for life, girly!

Misty: Okay.

Donkeyman: Now for the prisoners!

~The GCPA Crew are all held up with Donkeyman pacing back and forth~

Donkeyman: Right then. Time to choose. A hundred years paid vacation here.... or DEATH!

That Krazy Dude: NAY! You'll never find a GCPA pirate what will take a paid occupational leave! That's civilized stuff!

Captain Scruffy: Same for me.

Crew: Aye!

GORE: ... *glances at his crewmates* Actually I've been kinda anticipating a vacation for awhile.

Scruffy: Wait vacatio-

~The GCPA crew are all prompty disposed of but not killed because that's sound so final and unfair~

GORE: *sniff* That's the third crew I've went through! What am I cursed! *opens up hand where there's a black spot* Oh right right, I forgot about that.

Vorpal: GORE! Welcome to the Flying Arabdude!

Misty: You know this walking FULLY ROBOTIC carpet?

Vorpal: Yeah, we partied a few times... kinda.

GORE: Vorpal! We took you for dead! You know, when Masamune took your girlfriend and skedaddled leaving you for dead!

Misty: ... girlfriend?

Vorpal: Oh snap!

~Meanwhile~

Masamune: AAAAAARGH!

Black Pudding: Would you stop screaming!?

Masamune: Oh sorry.

~Black Pudding and Masamune fuse to form... Shadowmune! Which is a completely dark Masamune with white eyes, hook hands, and a pirate hat that looks like his old one... only black!~

Shadowmune: ~In the voice of Masamune and Black Pudding~ ... I am SHADOWMUNE!!! HAHAAHAH!

Kaiser Bear VII: Hey aren't you dead y- IT'S THE PUDDING GOD!!! *runs*

Shadowmune: Die mortal! *the black skin stretched out and grabs Kaiser Bear VII and flings him into a tree killing him and knocking his head off*

Kaiser Bear VIII: *picks up his father's head and looks up at the evil black man who killed him... swearing revenge! omgforeshadowing*

Shadowmune: Now for the rest of them!

~Inside the main palace~

Captain Ditto: Good job, we got them!

Viewtiful Greg: It's like I'm a hero!

Sexy Sapphire: Uh, yeah. Way to go on that.

Viewtiful Greg: It's too bad Lady in Red isn't here to see us... imagine what she'd say about you and me- *pauses* Oh... right. *glares*

Sexy Sapphire: Right. *glares back*

Viewtiful Greg: Sorry Cap, but I only work ALONE. Except when I work with the Gamehikers. Which is all the time.

Captain Ditto: *backhands Golem* We're a team, got it! Now quick, transform back to our normal form!

~They transform back just as Lupus, Fred, and Roy run in~

Golem: Lupus! Fred! Potential bad guy!

Roy: Don't worry, I'm a good guy for at least a few posts.

Fred: And our loyalties, as always, are dubious at best!

Lupus: Right.

~Dodo and Kuria arrive a moment later~

Kuria: Whew, guys! Those bears are being attacked!

Ditto: Excellent!

Dodo: By some weird Pudding Beast that tried to kill us!

Ditto: Hm, not excellent.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Donkeyman: B*tch!

~Donkeyman tries to stab Sapphire, but she opens her parasol quickly and blocks it. Golem leaps on Donkeyman's back and pulls his mane.~

Donkeyman: Well, if it isn't Elemental!

~Donkeyman grabs Golem and throws him spread-eagle onto Sapphire's parasol, then raises his claymore again. Before he can stab Golem, Sapphire twirls the parasol and flings him into the distance. She closes it quick and parries Donkeyman's next strike.~

Donkeyman: Why did you leave me for him?!

Sapphire: Because you smell? I dunno.

Donkeyman: You said you liked my smell... (frowns)(

***

~Back on the Flying Monkey, Luiigii runs clockwise circles around ESD's mech to avoid gunfire, because mechs are of course slow and unruly.~

ESD: Wait, no they're not.

~The mech rotates at the waist instead of waddling around and immediately catches Luiigii in the crossfire.~

Luiigii: AAAAAAARGH! I'll never write again! ~falls over clutching his bullet-riddled right arm~ Good timeline, they says! I'll NEVER WRITE AGAIN! Or walk straight. I mean, OR WALK STRAIGHT!

ESD: You're telling me, brother. Err... son. ~slams Luiigii against the wall with a punching glove~

Luiigii: Was that necessary?! I'm freaking dying! Again!

ESD: I just wanted to put you in a compromising position, boy. Now listen. We intend to kill Golem and bring about a timeline in which you were TEMPORARILY a spirit working for Lupus but lead a very happy life after that ((as a goomba...)) Earth will be intact, unlike what the almanacs are saying for THIS timeline. You can either help us, or you can go boom.

Luiigii: Why me?

ESD: Heck, I taught you everything I know. If you didn't pick up that evil streak, I dunno who will.

~Farmer Jon bursts through the floor of the Flying Monkey and starts crossing himself.~

Farmer Jon: What's this abomination doing in my flight path, little brother? And why are you attacking Martha?

ESD: Ah, it's about time to get you out of the way...

~ESD points a gatling gun at Farmer Jon, but Jon turns his arm into a scythe (can he do that in this continuity? Oh well...) and cuts it off, then cuts off the punching glove arm as well, dropping Luiigii. Since ESD is... erm... physically inept, he remains in the mech and charges at Jon. Jon turns his other arm into an ox-drawn cart and waits for ESD to step into it, then pulls it out from under him and knocks him over. ESD throws himself up and on to Jon, punching him with the stubs of his mech's arm while they fly into the Flying Monkey's hull. As Jon tries to pull himself out of the new indent, ESD draws the broken arms back into the mech and brings out new ones that include a vacuum cleaner and an electric welder. ESD sucks Jon toward him, then remembers that you need both hands to start a torch. He drops Jon and ignites the welder, but by then Jon has turned his arms into a giant water trough and throws the water on it to put it out. ESD sucks up the water before it can reach the torch, but the vacuum arm rusts, corrodes and falls off in a matter of seconds. ESD charges Jon swinging the torch; Jon points one arm up and one arm down and creates a barrel made of bricks that seal himself inside, protecting him from the torch. ESD kicks the barrel into the hull, which bounces back and hits him in the head (the actual head not the mech head). ESD collapses, rubbing his sores. Jon releases himself from the barrel and turns his arms into a pair of hedge trimmers.~

Farmer Jon: Now, little brother, it's time for that purifying...

~Jon places the shears around ESD's neck... and is stabbed from behind by Luiigii's laser sword. Luiigii pushes the blade through Jon so that the handle gets stuck in him, then turns it off.~

Farmer Jon: Marrrrrthaaaaa... ~dies~

Luiigii: Purify that...

~ESD gets up, holding his head with one hand, and puts the other hand on Luiigii's shoulder.~

ESD: That's my boy. Go back to your friends. When the time is right (assuming we haven't already), you will kill Golem yourself. They won't even suspect it, I'm sure...

Luiigii: Yes... father. ~collapses again from bullet wounds~

ESD: Must I do everything myself? ~puts a parachute on Luiigii and throws him out the Flying Monkey, then glances back at Jon and jumps out himself~

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