Gamehiker Member OG 8 Page 3

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Author: Golem

***

~Donkeyman encroaches on Sapphire's personal space with every mad swing he takes. She backs up step by step, parrying each blow.~

Donkeyman: I loved you! What happened to you?!

Sapphire: What are you--

~claymore strike~

Donkeyman: Was the one lifetime of happiness not good enough for you?

Sapphire: Actually--

~claymore strike~

Donkeyman: I gave you everything! ~claymore strike~ The Mariorockses provided you with whatever pampering you needed! ~claymore strike~ I waited on your hand and foot non-stop! ~claymore strike~

Sapphire: I really--

~claymore strike~

Donkeyman: But what REALLY makes me burn--

***

Siphnaaron: GRA-HA-HA-HAAAA... I FEEL... POWER... ~grows another half a Vorpal tall~

Masamuria: ~wearing a quiver full of swords, ready to shoot a sword with his/her/its bow~ I don't know if I can get a clear shot without harming AaronGuy!

Misty: So?! No one cares if you shoot him!!

~Siphnaaron shoots a tendril at Masamuria, who instantly releases the sword from the bow. The sword slices right through the tendril, splattering black pudding everywhere. None of the OGers are hit, but it does touch some walruses in the area. In the meantime, Vorpal leaps up and takes a swipe at Siphnaaron with his sword, but Siphnaaron catches the sword. The sword is engulfed in flames, and Siphnaaron lets go, dropping Vorpal--still clutching onto the sword--to the ground.~

***

Sapphire: ~sigh~ What really makes you--

~claymore strike~

Donkeyman: I was GETTING to that!! What REALLY makes me burn is how you were such an INGRATE ~claymore strike~ after I brought you back into the world ~claymore strike~ of the living! After a person comes back to life, they don’t realize the gift they’ve been given… or perhaps they do... they want to wring every last drop out of life that they possibly can, and don’t care who or what gets hurt… it seems to be a symptom of utter fear of death. Their fear of death--driving them to get as much out of life as they can with total disregard for others--overrides any love they might have been able to contain.
This is, of course, why my cruise ship is such a success. If anyone could remain true, it would be you, but…

~Sapphire parries yet another strike. Against the force of the claymore, she digs her heel into the ice.~

Sapphire: I’m not whoever you think I am. I’m a princess, my lineage is well doc—

~claymore strike~

Donkeyman: Maybe I just wiped your memory and sent you to the household of King Periwinkle!!

~claymore strike~

Sapphire: …King Blue. My father is—

~claymore strike~

Donkeyman: Whatever! ~claymore strike~ You’re close enough... I will take you in memoriam of her.

~Sapphire tries to lower herself, bending at the knees to change the center of balance of Donkeyman’s claymore. As she does so, she still holds her parasol up. Then, without warning, she knocks Donkeyman’s left foot out from under him, kicking it away. At the same time, she has one hand gripping each end of her parasol and jerks her arms up in order to throw Donkeyman over her. This fails, though, and jerking her arms up causes her to push her parasol to its breaking point—it splits in two under the force of Donkeyman’s claymore.
Cue slow motion mode.
Scrambling, she uses the hook on the end of her parasol’s handle to yank the claymore up and away from her while she tries to sidestep the sword. The handle provides a momentary delay but breaks almost instantly. She then claps her hands over the flat sides of the claymore and tries to push it away from her body while she continues sidestepping. She finally gets her body out of the way of the sword and quickly releases her grip on the sword, getting her arms out of the way of it as well. Donkeyman’s sword, along with Donkeyman, crashes into the ground, cracking the ice. End slow motion sequence.

Golem, finally back from wherever Sapphire launched him to, jumps on Donkeyman, causing the ice under him to completely break, and bounces right off onto safe land next to Sapphire. Donkeyman hits the water.~

Golem: I got here just in the nick of time, eh Sapphire?

Sapphire: . . . .

~Donkeyman continues to sink, plunged into the icy depths.~

Golem: If he wasn’t a villain, I’d be morally concerned about what just happened! But quick, we have to go help out the others!!

~Donkeyman, claymore in hand, swims towards his heart.~

***

~Captain Ditto expertly exchanges blows with Fred, Lupus, and Roy.~

Roy: All three of us combined can’t take him?!

Lupus: Do you find it suspicious that Ditto apparently was murdered, but then it turned out he wasn’t?

Fred: Yeah. Right around the time when Donkeyman shows up!

Lupus: And who happens to be an expert at resurrecting the dead?

Fred: Donkeyman, of course!

Roy: Should you two even technically know that?

Lupus: Word gets around. And then he gives out V-Watches, which happen to be the key to defeating black pudding!

Fred: Great timing! And then Donkeyman’s heart is made of black pudding? What’s the deal with that?

Lupus: I do not know, my friend! I truly do not know!

Fred: I guess he is just Captain Coincidence!

Roy: It’s a shame the V-Watches broke before the battle with Donkeyman’s heart began!

Lupus: Hey, what are you doing?

Roy: What?

Lupus: You’re horning in on our quirky dialogue!

***

~Sapphire and Golem finally reach the others, who are battling Siphnaaron—and barely holding their own.~

Masamuria: Hey! Do you two have any ideas?

Sapphire: It hates loud noises!

Masamuria: Vorpal! Tell her!

Vorpal: ~sweating, nervous laughter~ What? Tell who what?

Masamuria: If you tell Misty, she might shriek loud enough!

Masamuria: Vorpal, what am I talking about? What do you have to tell her?

Author: GORE-ILLA

*GORE and Yami come to rough landings in the ice, then come to their feet.*

GORE: I won't let you do this!

Yami: How do you possibly expect to win with only one arm, you stupid monkey?

*GORE's leg shifts and slides along his body, finally clicking into place in the empty arm socket. The "foot" then grinds up into a fist. His remaining leg shifts a little to center GORE.*

GORE: I'm even more ambidextrous then a real gorilla! Transformers OG, coming soon to a theater near you!

Yami: (leaps forward and slaps GORE, sending him doubling over) ENOUGH OF YOUR TERRIBLE OG IDEAS! I'M SICK OF THIS!

GORE: I'M SICK OF YOU!

Yami: RRR... TAIL WHIP!

GORE: Tail Whip? That's pathetic! It can do nothi- (is sent flying back after being slapped with Yami's enormous tail)

*Yami growls and pounces on GORE, ready to tear apart the rest of his body with his new teeth. However, GORE's chest panel opens to reveal a missile. He fires it. The missile carries Yami high into the sky before it explodes. Yami lands, seemingly unharmed, although GORE is back on his feet.*

Yami: It's time to end this!

GORE: Yeah... I think it is.

Yami: HELL EGG! (is encased within an evil-looking red egg, which looks like it could house the spawn of Satan, and launched forward)

GORE: MONKEY MISSILE! (shifts into a living missile and rockets forward)

*GORE-ILLA and Yami Yoshi fly towards each other, like in one of those cheese Japanese animes. Suddenly, music plays with a montage.*

As we go on...

---

GORE: Organism identified as Yami Yoshi. Enemy detected. Initiate combat mode.

*A hatch on GORE's chest opens and fires a barrage of missiles at Yami Yoshi*

Yami Yoshi: Yikes! Egg Shield!

*A transparent Yoshi Egg surrounds Yami Yoshi's body and dissipates the missiles*

Yami Yoshi: I have no idea who the @#%$ you are, but I'm taking you down! Dark Egg!

---

We remember...

---

GORE: Excellant! Now let's take down this pastry monster!

Yami: Y'know GORE, in another OG I could have called you friend.

GORE: Are you coming onto me?

---

All the times we...

---

*GORE winds up his fist and then slams it into Yami's face with the force of a frieght train. Yami flies through trees, boulders and a mountain until he lands on the opposite shore. The second he gets up to his feet, GORE is already there and slapping him around some more. GORE squeezes Yami by the back of his head and then stuffs it into the sand. Yami kicks up wildly. GORE then gets a grip on Yami's tail, pulls him out of the sand, spins him around and flings him back to the other side of the mountain.*

GORE: What now, huh?

*GORE runs back across the island, but he sees no sign of island. He disappears into the jungle in search of Yami. He climbs to a treetop until he sees Yami strolling by. GORE leaps down to punce the Yoshi, but Yami knocks him out of the air with a group of Dark Eggs. Yami hip-drops GORE repeatedly, grabs him with his tongue, pulls him into his mouth and spits him into a big rock. Surrounding himself with an Egg Shield, Yami then rolls forward at GORE, squashing him between the egg and the rock.*

Yami: That was for... what's his name again?

GORE: Pain sensors activated. My beating was cooler anyway. (runs away)

---

had together!

*A quick shot is seen of a child Yami and child GORE holding hands.*

*The entire area is rocked by a massive explosion as the two forces meet. The smoke clears. Yami Yoshi is seen standing over the smoking wreckage that once was GORE-ILLA. Yami stares silently for a while, then turns and walks off.*

Narrator: Let's see what's up with the Donkeyman!

*The Donkeyman crawls onto icy land. Mariorocks66 appears, seemingly from nowhere, and gives him a towel to dry off.*

Mariorocks66: Boss, I feel like asking some continuity-related questions. Why IS your heart made out of chocolate?

Donkeyman: You dunderhead! I told you once, I've told you a million times! It's not my heart, it's Siphnitty! The Black Pudding is part of Siphnitty and contains his dark powers!

Mariorocks66: Oh. Also, why haven't we heard from the MPVP in this timeline?

Donkeyman: Because I ate them all. (smiles) That Akujin fellow was the tastiest. Now if you excuse me, I have a heart to retrieve!

*Donkeyman rushes off while Mariorocks66 salutes.*

Mariorocks66: That was why coitenly the bravest of men!

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

~Before Donkeyman can get far, SteveT bursts from the ice in front of him, arms extended upward. SteveT lands nearby, not lowering his arms. Straw Man and Lynel follow, the former surprisingly silent and the latter asleep.~

SteveT: Whew. Where's Luiigii and his heat power stuff? I think my joints froze, and Straw Man got his tongue stuck to my back. ~turns to show Straw Man's tongue stuck to his back~ We trained the crow to talk for him.

Straw Man's Crow: Nevermore!

Straw Man: ~weeps bitterly~

Donkeyman: Leave me alone. ~trudges past~

SteveT: ...well this sucks. We're getting left out of the final battle. Any suggestions?

Straw Man's Crow: Nevermore!

Lynel: ZZZzzzzzz...

SteveT: You guys suck, seriously. ~turns and starts killing Mariorockses, just for effect~

***

Vorpal: Misty, err... ah... Y'see...

Masamuria: Misty, Vorpal and I are going to honeymoon... IN NORWEGIA!

Misty: Norwegia?! Where he KILLED me?!

Masamuria: Whoa whoa. Don't talk about what you and Vorpal were planning while you're sharing MY body.

Masamuria: Speaking of what we were planning...

~Misty very calmly walks over to Vorpal and kicks him sharply in the groin. Vorpal curls over for a moment in pain, then screeches at Siphnaaron and causes the Black Pudding to waver like crazy.~

Masamuria: Not what I was expecting, but it got the job done...

~Golem throws his scarf around Aaron's almost revealed form and starts pulling him out of the pudding.~

Murasame: Hey, stop! What are you doing, saving HIM?!

Golem: He used to be our friend.

Sapphire: When?

Golem: Well, there was the one time he... err... and he... well... huh, guess he's not our friend.

~The pudding isn't completely stupid however, and some of it starts crawling down Golem's scarf toward him before he can pull it free. The pudding would grab Golem at this point and merge him with Aaron to create, like, Siphgolnaaron, but that's way too Caykzor-ish. Instead, Murasame cuts the scarf in half and sends Golem tumbling backward. Siphnaaron uses the part of the scarf wrapped around him to create a crude sword. Golem, meanwhile, tumbles back and stops right next to the spot that Luiigii now lands in. Fortunately for Golem, Luiigii is still unconscious.~

Golem: OMG Luiigii! And here I spent the entire OG thinking he was dead! Now it turns out I was right!

Luiigii: ~groans~

Golem: Post-mortem sound-making! Amazing!

Author: Masamune

Luiigii: I... aten't... dead... you... dense... fool...!

Golem: It's Zombuiigii! This is great. We need a new zombie sidekick.

Sapphire: Hey, why is Murasame fighting on our side?

Murasame: Cuz I heard what old man Scientist said the other timeline is like. I make like, one appearance to gatecrash a party. Then I kill Dodo and that's pretty much it. Masamune never even invites me over for dinner parties after that.

Masamuria: Damn right I wouldn't. Hey, where is Dodo anyways?

Masamuria: Um.

Flashback:

---

Kuria: Let's go, Ditto can handle Shadowmune!

Dodo: No! I'm going back!

~Hours later after getting lost~

Soldier Bear: Eat him! Eat him!

Dodo: *sees the soldier bears running at him in a huge crowd and starts running away like mad* I really hate this OG!!!!

---

Masamuria: I have no idea.

Masamuria: You wench! We share the same body, I could see that flashback!

Vorpal: Would you stop bickering with yourself? It's freaking me out. Besides. Siphnaaron and Misty are going at it now.

~Misty is fighting Siphnaaron. She is armed only with a halibut and a trout, but is meeting him blow to blow~

Murasame: Stop being idiots. Only a fused person can beat THIS Black Pudding. You know what that means? *kicks Masamuria into Siphnaaron*

Vorpal: Hey! I was still kind of going out with half of... that!

~Siphnaaron starts absorbing Masamuria. Masamuria begins screaming in the fused voices of Kuria and Masamune, when suddenly Siphnaaron hiccups. It spits out Aaron, Kuria, and Masamune on the ground~

Luiigii: *gets up* At last... the chocolate heart! It's mine! *picks it up with rubber gloves*

Donkeyman: Not so fast lad. *stabs Luiigii in the chest*

Luiigii: Dammit! That hurts! Why did I ever have to parody Inigo Montoya!?

Donkeyman: Because you're stupid. *takes the black pudding* Looks like this story has come to a bit of a sudden end! Nothing can stop me now!

Luiigii: Can't I? *grabs his laser sword. Donkeyman jumps back to defend himself, but instead Luiigii stabs Golem through the heart*

Golem: Guh-- ... L-L-Luiigii?? *falls on knees*

Sapphire: GOLEM! NO!

Golem: Looks.... looks like I'm going... to the final party... huh?

Luiigii: *pulls out laser sword* ... hwuh? What just happened? Why did I get stabbed? *passes out*

Golem: Sapphire... tell... tell...

Sapphire: Don't speak, Greg!

Golem: Tell... Lady in Red... she's way... hawter than you.... *dies*

Sapphire: .......!!!!!!!!!

Donkeyman: That's all very touching, but I fail to see how this effects anything!

~The Flying Monkey suddenly lands behinds Donkeyman and the others~

Donkeyman: Oh for God's sake, now what!?

EVIL Scientist Dude: *walks out* Now the real time line can begin!

Donkeyman: What the heck is up with all this other timeline crap!? I'm the villain here! Mariorocks! Put my heart back into the oven!

Mariorocks: Why coitenly! *puts the pudding into a suspiciously SteveT-shaped oven. Suspicious because it is in fact a SteveT*

Donkeyman: Mariorocks! You fool! *throws him out of the way and rushes for his heart*

SteveT: *grabs Donkeyman by the hand and breaks it* Ha. Ha. Ha. Ha. This is wonderful! Finally an evil heart for an equally evil tin man! You, scientist man! You said there's no parties in your fancy timeline?

EVIL Scientist Dude: That's right. We'll even let you pick off the stragglers some thirty years later.

SteveT: *climbs aboard the Flying Monkey with the dead Golem over his shoulders* I'd finish you all off for fun, but I have destiny to change.

~The Flying Monkey begins to take off. Lupus, Fred, and Roy go racing to jump on. The first two make it, but Roy is left lying in the snow. Captain Ditto arrives a little after them, just as the Flying Monkey disappears in the sky~

Masamune: *rubs temples on forehead* What the heck just happened?

Sapphire: Golem is dead!

Mariorocks: Da boss's arm is busted!

Roy: I got left behind!

Captain Ditto: GORE-ILLA is dead as well.

Murasame: *puts foot on Luiigii's unconscious body* He turned evil. Again. I'd be proud if it hadn't inconvenienced me so.

Aaron: ... I'm not important no more!

Donkeyman: Shut up you fools. *stands up while holding his arm* If those fools change the timeline, it can't be reversed!

Roy: How do we stop them, then?

Donkeyman: Mariorocks. Call up the Flying Canadiandude.

Mariorocks: But-

Donkeyman: I know it's lame! But we have no choice. I'm not going to... *cringe* get married and have kids. Crewmen! Get going, we have a ship to prepare!

Vorpal: Wait! You're not going to go WITH HIM are you?

Misty: Lifetime of vacation, hun. I'm sorry.

Aaron: Huzzah! I'm important!

~Ditto starts walking towards with Donkeyman as well~

Sapphire: Wait, you mean?

Captain Ditto: Aye. I owe Donkeyman another seven years vacation.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Luiigii: So, um, what exactly was the plan AFTER we set up the team? I mean, there's no parties to crash and the villains in this timeline are, like, the most powerful villains, period.

SteveT: Well duh. We're going to go and find more of these pudding-y things so that I can become even more powerful. Siphnitty tells me that there's a whole family ripe for the taking; the Saphnits.

Luiigii: You're on SPEAKING TERMS with it?

Evil Zombie Phil: It zits the zit of a pit of pits.

SteveT: Shut up both of you. Luiigii, go take a cat nap. Evil Zombie Phil, go steal a car.

Evil Zombie Phil: ~drives up in a motor boat~ Done and done!

SteveT: That'll do, I guess.

~SteveT and Luiigii climb into the motor boat and cruise down the street. Evil Zombie Phil suddenly slams on the breaks as he sees a Kohl's, sending SteveT and Luiigii flying into the road. They roll forward a couple hundred feet, at the end of which SteveT stands and starts pressing on the dents in his body. He waves for Luiigii to follow; Luiigii doesn't move.~

SteveT: Craaaaaap. ~picks up Luiigii and walks back to the boat~

***

~Luiigii wakes up in a wide field as guys in togas walk around shouting at each other. Amidst them, a man walks up in a tweed jacket.~

Luiigii: Stack?

Narrator: Yes indeed.

Luiigii: You're dead?

Narrator: After Lupus kidnapped the Party Goers, there wasn't much sense in hanging around anymore, was there? If only there was some timeline somewhere where Lupus didn't do so... ~exaggerated sigh~

Luiigii: So I'm dead too?

Narrator: Yup. That's why I was sent here. I'm supposed to lead you to Heaven.

Luiigii: This all seems oddly familiar. Did I do this in another life maybe?

Narrator: Ha ha. Another LIFE. Well, we've got nine circles of Hell to pass through. Might as well jump to it.

*Fourth Circle*

~The Narrator and Luiigii make their way down a dirt path through a forest. Out of one of the trees leaps a wolf which tackles Luiigii and starts biting at him. Luiigii kicks it off and draws his laser sword, but the Narrator grabs his hand.~

Narrator: You're already in Hell. Let's not make your situation worse.

Luiigii: He started it...

~The wolf runs forward, transforming as it does so until it is Chibi-Devil.~

Narrator: Hello Plutus.

Chibi-Devil: Wracked to the max of an extreme bike volley!

Luiigii: ...Everyone talks like that these days.

Chibi-Devil: You can say that again.

Luiigii: ...Everyone talks like that these days.

Chibi-Devil: You can--

Narrator: What do you want?

Chibi-Devil: To say what you won't. To do what you can't. To take care of those who stand in MY way! ~jumps at Luiigii's throat~

~Luiigii catches Chibi-Devil and melts him. Luiigii dusts his hands off and starts back down the path, when Chibi-Devil leaps out of the puddle and grabs the back of his neck.~

Luiigii: AGH!

Chibi-Devil: That won't work. Aside from me being an IMMORTAL HELL SPAWN as you know, I recently made a friend down here over in the ninth circle. ~sticks out his tongue and extends it past Luiigii's head, so he can see the red gem laying on it~ Saphnity here has the elemental power to control fire. Like that little show you just put on.

Luiigii: Saphnit-y, huh? I mean... AGH!

~Luiigii flicks on his laser sword and sticks it behind his neck, but Chibi-Devil clambors to the front like a squirrel. Luiigii swings at the front but misses again. And so on.~

Luiigii: ~looks to the Narrator while still trying to hit Chibi-Devil~ I'm dead, right?

Narrator: Sure.

Luiigii: So if I killed myself down here, what would happen?

Narrator: I suspect you can't exactly die anymore, so--

Luiigii: I'll just regenerate, got it.

Narrator: No, you'll--

~Luiigii stabs himself through the throat, impaling Chibi-Devil in the process. Chibi-Devil pushes himself off before he can slide through the saber and then writhes on the ground in anger. Luiigii falls over as the world goes white. Before it does completely, he reaches into Chibi-Devil's mouth and grabs Saphnity, holding it tightly.~

Narrator: You'll, um, go back to life.

***

~Luiigii wakes up in the back of the motor boat, neither SteveT nor Evil Zombie Phil noticing. He looks down at Saphnity in his hand, then takes out his laser sword and breaks it open. He takes out the crystal and tosses it out of the boat, then sticks Saphnity in its place...~

Author: Vorpal

~... which obviously is the boat!~

SteveT: What are you doing?

Luiigii: Sorry, still delirious from dying twice today, I guess. What did I just do?

~Suddenly the boat comes to life~

Boat: Woah! What is this feeling? I'm suddenly aware of my existence!

SteveT: Oh, great! Now we have a sentient boat.

Boat: I'm a boat?

Evil Zombie Phil: I want to speak in this scene.

Boat: I guess the next thing for me to do would be to choose a name.

Luiigii: Uhm... well... boats are usually named after concepts or dead people...

Boat: So, if I was named after a dead concept, then I'd be like... a super boat, right?

Luiigii: I guess...

Boat: ... Hmmm... a dead concept...

Evil Zombie Phil: Mercantilism?

Boat: Well, I was thinking more along the lines of "Fair Play" but that works, too.

SteveT: Can we stop talking, and let me have the Saphnity now!

Mercantilism: Wait what's that?

SteveT: It's what brought you to life, but I need it to become super evil!

Mercantilism: No way! I like living! *Engine roars to life, and Mercantilism zooms off flying for some reason, sending the three passengers flying back and holding onto the end of Mercantilism for dear life.*

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