Gamehiker Member OG 2 Page 1

Pages in the Gamehiker Member OG 2 Archive

1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Yami Yoshi sits at a long table. Also sitting around the table are Vorpal, Golem, Rhyk, Masamune, GORE-ILLA, Lupus, Kuria, Fred and Lady in Red.*

Yami: Ah, everyone is here. Then we can begin.

Masamune: Begin what?

Yami: A quest for cheesecake! As you know, all my cheesecake reserves were destroyed at the end of the last OG.

Lupus: My bad.

Kuria: So what, we're gonna buy some cheesecake?

Yami: That's impossible. Cheesecake has been banned by the Robot King coincidentally the very day I had saved up enough to actually buy some cheesecake! Luckily I know have a perfectly reliable underground contact who can link me up with the cheesecake, but for a price.

GORE: Alrighty then. But what do you need us for?

Yami: Well... he charges an unspeakable amount of money. I know of a way to raise enough cash in time- although it will require all your talents.

Vorpal: I'm up for it! So what, are we starting a band or something?

*Later that night, near an oceanside mansion...*

Vorpal: ROBBERY?

Yami: Oh, shut up. We're just gonna steal a jewel from this fatcat's mansion. Now let's get started!

*The Gamehikers all climb atop a hill overlooking the mansion. Kuria takes out her bow and an arrow with a rope tied to it. She fires the arrow at the side of the mansion to form a rope leading to one of the windows. Yami slides down the rope first and uses an explosive Dark Egg to break the window. Then each of the Gamehikers enters in turn. Golem hacks the security system to turn off all the alarms and stuff.*

Rhyk: Well we're in in. What now?

*They enter a room which holds a red jewel in a protected glass case. Lupus smashes the glass with his cane, but it activates one silent alarm that wasn't connected to the security system.*

Lupus: The jewel is ours! Now the cheesecake will be mine! Er... ours. Yeah. Does anyone else hear giant mechanical whirring?

*Everyone turns around and sees a HUGE-ASS ROBOT.*

Yami: Quick, do you did in your rehearsals earlier!

Lady in Red: We never had any rehearsals.

*Yami either didn't hear or ignored her, as almost instantly he has grabbed the jewel and fled the room.*

GORE: Well I guess we're up...

*Fred and GORE each bash one of the HUGE-ASS ROBOT's feet down- GORE with his mechanical fist and Fred with his hammer. Fred then takes the robot's foot and sticks it in a waffle iron before eating it. The HUGE-ASS ROBOT then ditches its lower body and uses jets to propel its upper body above the ground.*

Lady in Red: Let's go, guys!

*Lady in Red presses a button to cause a blade to emerge from the umbrella's tip. She flies towards the HUGE-ASS ROBOT's head. However the HUGE-ASS ROBOT pulls back its hands to clap together and crush Lady. Luckily Vorpal and Masa both leap up with their legendary swords to cut off each arm. Then Lady in Red finally plants the umbrella blade in the HUGE-ASS ROBOT's forehead. Boom.*

Masamune: Well that was fun!

Rhyk: But I never got to do anything...

*The Gamehikers leave the room, and catch up to Yami when he's distracted since his Fossilmobile won't start. But soon it works, and they ride off to cash in the jewel.*

Golem: So you're sure this dealer is reliable?

Yami: For the last time, yes! He does have a hatred for some guys called the Party Goers, but they don't have anything to do with us, unless of course we have some former Party Goers among us, and if so I am unaware.

*Later at the mansion...*

Fusion: Ah, this is the life. The life of a multi-billionare.

Suddenly, Fusion's butler appears.

Butler: Sir, one of your rubies has been stolen.

Fusion: Which one?

Butler: The largest one.

Fusion: Oh no! My 20 million dollar ruby is gone! And it's the world's largest one, too! Only one person could've done this, and that's...

*The mansion is struck by lightening and explodes violantly.*

Author: AaronGuy

*Meanwhile, at notMansionVille...*

GORE: You hear something?

Golem: I don't think so..

GORE: I dunno, it sounded like a thousand plot expositions crying out at once... and then, silence...

Yami: Nevermind that, we're here!

*The Fossilmobile halts in front of what appears to be a small, dilapidated wooden shack. Yami hurries in with the ruby, while the other Gamehiker's follow. Inside, they come across a man in a raccoon outfit standing behind a large makeshift table*

Rhyk: What the...

Raccoon: Welcome! Feel free to browse, but try not to carouse! Ho ho!

Yami: Well, let's see... I'd be interested in buying some "pastries". *large wink*

Raccoon: Excellent choice, we have brownie mix, cupcakes...

Yami: Well actually, I was hoping for something a bit "rarer", that would require a "very valuable gem" to purchase. *wink wink*

Raccoon: Well, in that case, I'd reccommend the dark chocolate cake-

Yami: I'M HERE FOR THE CHEESECAKE TO PAY FOR WITH THIS RUBY I STOLE!

Raccoon: Well, why didn't you say so? *removes fake head of costume, revealing a man who appears to be of Ukranian orgin*

Yami: Do you have it?

Ukranian Guy: Of course... *eyes the other Gamehikers* ....friends of yours?

Yami: Yeah yeah. Look, can we trade and be done with this?

Ukranian Guy: Sure, of course... I'll be right back. *disappears under the bench before coming back with a covered platter*

Yami: At last, a cheese cake!

Ukranian Guy: Oh, it's not just a cheese cake... it's actually... *removes platter cover* a cheese cake. Just kidding. Come again next time you steal valuables!

Yami: Woo! Let's go, guys!

Vorpal: Wait, hang on... How much for that shovel?

Ukranian Guy: 40 dollars.

Vorpal: Awesome! *forks over the money*

Urkranian Guy: Thank you much. *sees the Gamehikers out* ...*grimaces* It's them...

Voice from under Table: Them who, boss?

Ukranian Guy: Come out from under there, you dimrod! I have a new job for you!

*A tall gangly guy with sideburns crawls out from under the table. Though his clothing is casual, he wears a similar apron to the one the Ukranian man is wearing*

Gangly Guy: What's the job, boss?

Ukranian Guy: Aaron my boy, the Party Goers have reared their head once again!

Aaron: Party Goers...? Again..? Who are they?

Ukranian Guy: *dramatic pose* I do not fully know myself. I know only that they haunt and plauge my dreams and subconscious. Everytime I close my eyes, I can see their faces... It's as though they are a ghost leftover from a past life...

Aaron: Right... And what do you want me to do?

Ukranian Guy: You need to eliminate them. I've planted a tracking device in the center of the Yoshi's cake, so you should be able to follow them with this TrackBoy Pocket. *tosses the device to Aaron*

Aaron: Eliminate them...? But why, boss? It's not like they've done anything wrong.

Ukranian Guy: Questioning me, eh? After all I've done for you, you won't do a simple lynching for me? Maybe I should just leave you the same way I found you- disheveled, dazed, and with an Air Hockey addiction!

Aaron: No, Boss! You taking me in and letting me live under the table is the best thing that's even happened to me! Okay... I'll do it.

Ukranian Guy: Good boy, Aaron. Now go get equipped and get out there...

Author: GORE-ILLA

*The Fossilmobile tears across the highway to Yoshi's Island.*

Yami: Finally, I have a new cheesecake!

Kuria: Um... Yami?

Yami: Huh?

Kuria: How are we going to split the cheesecake? I don't think there's enough to feed all ten of us satifactorily.

Yami: Who said anything about sharing? I'm keeping this cheesecake for myself. This is where you get off! (presses seat ejection buttons. Nothing happens.) Damn, it's broken!

Lupus: Now's my chance! (grabs cheesecake) Yoink!

*Lupus laughs evilly as he leaps out the window, but he happens to be leaping out the window of a speeding car which is racing down a crowded highway. The Fossilmobile backs up and picks up Lupus's bruised body along with the surprisingly unharmed cheesecake.*

Vorpal: Alright, we need to decide how to do this.

*Suddenly all the Gamehikers appear seating around a long table in a board room.*

GORE: Alright! Any suggestions on what to do with this cheesecake? We all had to work hard to earn it!

Fred: Yeah! What did I do again?

Lady in Red: I suggest a competition!

Masamune: I like this idea. The cheesecake will go to the fairest!

Golem: Sure! We'll have a long series of competitions! It'll be every Hiker for him or herself!

Lupus: I have a better idea! (swipes cheesecake and flies away on a jetpack)

Yami: Nope.

Lupus: (flies back) Why?

Yami: We did that stealing thing to death in the last OG.

*Lupus dejectedly replaces the cheesecake and hovers back to his seat.*

Kuria: Okay then, all we need is a panel of judges- I think three will do.

GORE: Where will we find three people to judge this?

*Suddenly a Plot Hole, spitting out Splog and Dodo.*

Dodo: Yo.

Splog: Mashiko taksossssssssspo.!?????????!2222JH

Lady in Red: They'll do. But we're still one person short.

*Aaron leaps in through the roof.*

Aaron: Freeze right there, Party Goers and associated friends! Don't make a move or say anything- I'm willing to kill any of you should the need arise!

Vorpal: He's good.

Fred: Definately.

Yami: Well that's all three judges!

Aaron: ...Were any of you even listening to me?

*A Plot Hole takes the Gamehikers to their first competiton.*

Author: Golem

Plot Hole: Ptoo!

~The Plot Hole spits the Gamehikers onto individual skateboards for each. Yami Yoshi is on a black skateboard and is tied to a black hummer; similarly, Vorpal's color is red, Golem's color is brown, Rhyk's color is white, Masamune's color is yellow, GORE-ILLA's color is blue, Lupus' color is clear, Kuria's color is red and green plaid, Fred's color is glittery pink, and Lady in Red's color is green camoflauge.~

Plot Hole: ~warping as it talks, moving like a mouth~ This is your first competition! Note the ropes tied around your waists.

~The Gamehikers suddenly notice the said ropes and that they are tied to hummers. ~

Plot Hole: Your goal is to reach the end of the track first! ...And don't worry, your shoes have been melded with the skateboard.

Lady in Red: Who's driving these hummers?!

Plot Hole: That's for me to know and you to find out.

Lady in Red: But Lupus knows his driver, since his hummer is clear!

Plot Hole: Hey, you wanna see the loogies I can hock out?!

Author: Fred

(The Hummers speed up greatly as it approaches a large loop (sonic-esque))

Yami Yoshi: Who'd you say you were, again?

Lupus: Bwar, due to my knowledge of my driver, I realise it is none other than I, Lupus the Turk, and have a huge advantage over all the other racers! Ahahaha! Wait, what? I'm driving this thing?

Plot Hole: It's the other side of you. As shadow is to light, and life is to death, so are all drivers and their glued-on roped skatboarding passengers that hang out the back.

Fred Driving: Indoubetely, sir. I am in your debt greatly for allowing me to drive in this ultimately unnecessary race, because it will allow me to destroy the opposite of myself, making myself infintely more present in this universe.

Fred: Presents can be not but one colour's mother: Shades of neapolitan. Tha'z why we feed animals outside the zoo's border, and don't allow certain folks to use diving boards in pudding factories, ehn?

Fred Driving: An objection to this, I have. I do so hate anything to do with hammers, and I am an advocate of Zionism.

Yami Driving: Dayumn, this freshness doesn't last a wink! Move ovah, sugah, it's judgement day.

Yami: Wow, this may be the most awful thing ever.

Lady In Red: Got that right.

Lady In Red Driving: Got that LEFT! SNAP!

Lupus Driving: Gobble gobble gobble f'rizzy. Thugz 4 life a jamboree and watch me eat diet big macs and sing the american national anthem really fast!

Lupus: You know, dying isn't such a bad idea this time of year. You know you want to.

Masamune driving: Fear me! It's time for you to pay for your crimes! OF THE ROAD YOU GO! BWAHAHAHA!

Masamune: What? That's exactly what I'm like.

Plot Hole: Making total opposites is difficult.

(GORE driving's car suddenly slows down, as a giant bawling figure climbs out. GORE goes off the back of the car, lifting him with him and scoring 298237 points on his nosegrab indyX13 with gusher fruit filling. Fred hangs on by only his sock as his counterpart rams him into things but seems to fail miserably. The real Lupus activates his hydrolics, and jumps ONTO Yami's car, MAKING THEM ONE, with Lupus driving controlling the two layer car due to his GADGET wheels.)

Vorpal: Why are we doing this again? It just seems kind of pointless.

Golem: Come on, Vorpal. This is pretty cool.

Golem Driving: Oh, you'd like that, wouldn't you?

Golem: Yes.

Golem Driving: You fool! Prepare for pain!

Golem: But... I'm wearing all my clothes on right today... what is this?

(Oh yeah, the loop. Turns out all that happened and THEN they hit the loop they were "SOOO" close to. You see, it's because it's realitive to the person talking about it, and-)

Plot Hole: Not important! I make such things like that. NOW, what do our judges thing so far?

Splog: eeeeeeeeeeX2

Dodo: F'rizzle, I is getting mad vibes from car numbers four, since he is thuggin for life.

Aaron: That was bloody awful. Not enough in the hips, and totally off key.

(Suddenly, the racers come to a police blockade)

Plot Hole: Did I mention that only the survivors we to move on, not the fastest? Not that it really matters, since the people that survive will be first, anyways. Totally slipped my mind that that is how people are eliminated.

Kuria Driving: I love flesh! IT'S TIME FOR PAIN EVERYWHERE! BWAHAHAARHRM.

Lupus: Get me off this crazy thing... called love.

Driving Fred: I'll astutely say that your degenerate behaviour is the cause of all-

Driving Vorpal: EEEEEE, 4 y0z g|_|yz \/\/R4pp |_|p 1n f1v3.

Yami: I can think of better ways to go. Well, I can't right now, but that's the searing pain in my knees preventing it.

GORE: (who is of course, still flying in the air with his car attached, but is now falling toward da police) This can't end well.

Yami Yoshi formerly driving: shrack da po-lice. (pulls out a 12-gage N-gage and fires, causing explosions everywhere. He then kicks Driving Lupus out and does XtreME stunts like spinning on his front bumper. This of course causes a lot of pain for the resident skateboarders, Lupus and YY)

Lupus: I liked things when I was the villain.

(GORE flies into the last police car, which explodes, sending him into a bunch of supports for the suspension bridge the racers drive over. It begins to teeter right, and snaps under the weight and the explosions, as the racers drive through the heavy traffic to survive the flaming, falling bridge. Flaming. Haha.)

Author: Vorpal

*Plot Hole spits everyone out for the second challenge... minus a few...*

Masamune: *looks around* Where are GORE, Yami and Lupus?

Plot Hole: Well see, they were injured too greatly in that last challenge... You know... crashing or flying into a suspension bridge doesn't do to well on your health if you know what I mean!

Everyone: *doesn't know what Plot Hole means*

Plot Hole: *cough* Anyway! Your next challenge!

Kuria: Hey! You know... the rest of us could probably share the cheesecake now...

Plot Hole: Uh... no you couldn't! How could you get exactly even pieces if you had to divide it 7 ways?

Kuria: I suppose...

Plot Hole: NEXT CHALLENGE! Three-legged race!

*The Gamehikers get paired off- Kuria and Lady in Red, Vorpal and Masamune, Golem and Rhyk, and Fred...*

Plot Hole: Uhhh....

*Fred sprouts a third leg off to his right, but it doesn't extend far enough to touch the ground*

Plot Hole: There we go.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

~Yoshi's Island~

*Luigi privately enters the room and sits down.*

Plot Hole: Hey! What do you think you're doing?

Luigi: Entering the story.

Plot Hole: You're two stories late, I guess. And that goomba you brought in got his name changed.

Luigi: Blasphemy. I'll just wait here.

Plot Hole: Don't cause trouble. I'm busy narrating a competition. *Plot Hole disappears*

*Luigi rocks back and forth in the chair, waiting. He suddenly notices the cheesecake sitting at the center of the table, and a fork sitting conveniently to his left. He shrugs and pulls the cheesecake over to himself.*

DUN DUN DUN... and stuff...

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Fred crosses the finish line first, followed by Lady in Red and Kuria, then Masamune and Vorpal, and finally Golem and Rhyk (after having some trouble when their scarves were caught in a giant paper shredder).*

Fred: Yes! Can you get rid of this extra leg now? It looks kinda disturbing.

Plot Hole: Judges?

Aaron: You will be granted a seat on the Council, but we dp not give you the rank of Master.

Slort: ...

Dodo: Why did we need judges again?

Plot Hole: Excellant! Next challenge!

*The Plot Hole sucks them up and spits them back out in a large stadium, minus Golem and Rhyk.*

Plot Hole: Now for the final test: the cheesecake shall go to whoever wins this fight to the death!

Kuria: Death?

Masa: Wait, now where did Golem and Rhyk go?

Plot Hole: Choose youur weapons!

*Vorpal and Masamune grin as they unsheathe their blades, but the Plot Hole vacuums them up, then drops down a large armoir.*

Plot Hole: The only weapons you may use are these, located in my Armoir of Horrors!

*Elsewhere, Golem and Rhyk wake up in a cramped cell with Lupus, GORE and Yami Yoshi. An orange-clad guard greets them.*

Guard: Welcome to the realm of the mighty Carrotcake King!

Guard 2: Why ya greeting the prisioners, George?

Guard: I'm so lonely...

Author: Masamune

~Meanwhile... at a Pizza Hut~

~the phone rings, an underpaid super genius with a pathetic mustache answers~

Employee: Yello, this is Pizza Hut. May I take your order?

Phone: I, GRAND TRADE MASTER OF LORD EMPEROR URUGUAY, OF NO RELATION TO YOUR PITIFUL COUNTRY, DEMAND A PIZZA OF PEPPERONI AND SAUSAGE.

Employee: Yokay, so that's one pep'n'saus pizza, how would you like the crust?

Phone: BURNED AND BAKED FROM THE FLESH OF A THOUSAND CHILDREN

Employee: Arright, so that's deep dish. Name?

Phone: MY NAME IS IMPRONOUNCABLE IN YOUR PUNY TONGUE, BUT LIKE MY MASTER I HAVE TRANSLATED MY NAME TO HUNGARY, ALSO OF NO RELATION TO YOUR PITIFUL COUNTRY.

Employee: Whatever. Pick-up or delivery?

Phone: DELIVERY! AND IT SHALL BE SENT UNDER THE BANNER OF THIRTY MINUTES OR THE ORDER IS FREE, YES?

Employee: Of course. Would you like breadsticks?

Phone: LORD EMPEROR LOATHES BREADSTICKS AND THEIR SINFUL FORM!

Employee: Pepsi?

Phone: .... err, YES. LORD EMPEROR WILL PARTAKE OF THIS 'PEPSI' YOU SPEAK OF.

Employee: Location?

Phone: THE PLANET USHATAR IN THE FAR CORNER OF THE GAMMA QUADRANT... IN THE M&M GALAXY *phone clicks*

Employee: ... stupid prank calls. *throws order away*

---

~A plot hole opens and the group find themselves somewhat battered inside an Italian Restaurant~

Yami: Curses! If someone doesn't hurry up, these plot holes will deteriorate the story into another mindless babble of nothingness!

Masamune: I for one won't be part of that. Hey, waiter!

Waiter: Yes?

Masamune: See to it that all plot holes are closed, plot devices deactivated, and the script writers fired and replaced with professionals.

Waiter: Yessir.

Vorpal: Whew, that should get the story going somewhere. Where was it going again?

Kuria: We're looking for cheesecake.

Vorpal: Well I doubt this place has any.

Masamune: THey do.... *drools* have Lasagna...!

Golem

~Later...~

Hungary: [Lord Emperor. The humanoids of Sol III have failed to deliver the pizza.]

~the view shifts to a large tentacle-y alien of very sterotypical appearance. He has the prerequisite three eyes, five noses, two mouths, and one ear. He hosts seventeen and a half tentacles, the half which s finished off with a laser sword~

Uraguay: [Insolent fools! They shall suffer! INVADE!]

Hungary: [Lord Emperor. It takes a billion years for our spaceships to reach the Milky Way. Our warships will be outclassed by the time we arrive.]

Uraguay: [Use the time displacer! Send them a billion years back in time... and LAUNCH THE INVASION!]

Hungary: [Why is our text in brackets and english?]

Uraguay: [To show that we're speaking in another language, translated for the sake of the reader.]

Hungary: [Ok.]

Author: SOAP

[the plothole suddenly opens up back at jail and spits out what looked like a teenaged Mario with a backwards cap and san the 'stache.]

Golem: And you are?

MJ: A Deus ex Machina created by the Plot Hole! Nice ta meet ya!

Lupus: Good! Maybe you can get us out of here.

MJ: ... Unfortunately I don't know how to do that.

Golem: You're not that good of a Dues ex Machina then.

MJ: Yeah, I know... V_V

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Later, in the 1800's...*

Hungary: Good news, Master! Not only have we lost the need for brackets now that we've mastered the English language, but our army has assembled a century early!

Urugay: Excellant! Begin the invasion!

Hungary: But sir, why don't we wait until the pizza place you ordered from actually exists? That would give your blind vengeance some sense.

Urugay: I don't care, I'll be happy enough kicking around his grandparents! Begin the invasion!

*The aliens begin to attack Earth, but they quickly run back to the ship chased by lasers.*

Mecha-Ammish: We cameo!

*Urugay's shuttle returns to space.*

Urugay: Fine, we'll wait another century...

*One hundred years later...*

GORE: Wait. Are we in prison or an Italian restaurant?

Fred: Pretty sure it's prison.

*Yami Yoshi, GORE, Lupus, Mario Jr., Golem and Rhyk disappear from the Italian restaurant, reappearing in the prison of the Carrotcake King.*

Lupus: Damn you Fred!

Golem: New guy! Do you have any powers that can help us?!

Mario Jr.: I don't know, this author has no idea of my abilities! Let me check my character bio...

*The guards open the door.*

Guard 1: The Carrotcake King wants to meet with you! Follow me, please!

*Mario Jr. punches the first guard out.*

Mario Jr.: Ah! Yes, I have the amazing ability to inflict pain on people when I strike them with my hand, providing that I put the proper amount of force behind it.

*The OGers hop out of the cell and knock out the remaining guards.*

Rhyk: Run run run!

*Back in the Italian restaurant, Vorpal and Kuria are doubledating with Masa and Fred while Lady in Red impatiantly waits.

Lady in Red: Hurry up! We have to find that Plot Hole and see what it did with Golem and the others!

Vorpal: Alright alright, after this breadstick!

*Suddenly the roof of the Italian restauraunt is blown off as a fleet of spaceships drop in.*

Masa: This can't be good.

*Elsewhere, Yami's group runs desperately through the halls in search of the exit.*

Yami: My leadership instincts tell me that this is the right door!

*The group rushes into the room, but it turns out to be the Carrotcake King's throne room.*

Carrotcake King: So nice of you to drop in, OGers!

Yami: Oh no!

Lupus: Yeah, good thinking boss.

Yami: It's not that! I can sense something... something dire is happening to my cheesecake!

*Elsewhere in Yami's house, Luigi is still holding up the fork with the first piece of cheesecake towards his mouth.*

Luigi: That's it... come slightly closer to my mouth...

Author: Masamune

Luigi: Luscious, sweet-

*a crash suddenly interrupts his fateful meal*

Luigi: What the?

Narrator: Luigi looked up and screamed in horror as he saw the descending spaceship. He then screamed again when he saw that it was but one of thousands of spaceships blocking the sky. One of the spaceships landed next to him. Out wlaked a hideous I will not bother to describe since surely you can stand to read back and find out.

Ushatarian Soldier: [You! Scumbag!]

Luigi: Umm.... {Hello?}

Ushatarian Soldier: [Wait, he doesn't speak our language...] <You! Scumbag!>

Luigi: Er. ^Hello?^

Ushatarian: Curses and hate!

Luigi: Hey! You speak the default language for the current translation of this story!

Ushatarian: So it goes.

Luigi: So... hello?

Ushatarian: Yes! YOU! Scumbag. You will come with me!

Luigi: So you can experiment on me?

Ushatarian: Of course not you sick freak. Eww, yuck. Gads, mental image. Oh crap, I'm gonna need counseling now. We just need you for directions! Agh! Oi.

Luigi: Oh. Okay. Let me head back for my bag real quick.

*Luigi goes in the house, but when he comes back the ship is gone*

Luigi: Great. Now I bet there will be some stupid alternate timeline where I go with him and Earth gets blown up.

~Meanwhile, in stupid alternate timeline...~

Hungary: We have him, milord! A human specimen!

Luigi: Hi.

Uraguay: HUMAN MORTAL! I command you to direct me to Antonio's Pizza Parlor and Assorted Other Italian Foods!

Luigi: Wait, Antonio's my bitter rival who forced me out of the pizza industry to live among the streets as a streetwise jedi but be labelled a hobo and forced into a spiralling career of homelessness ultimately turning me into a loon that talks to his athlete's feet and is married to a mop *DEEP BREATH* but doesn't actually happen because I am still quite sane and married to a beautiful woman and plan to have three children and am accompanied by two very real specimens of the goomba species?

Uruguay: Err... yeah. That one. I wish to personally destroy it before I destroy Earth.

Luigi: Count me in then. Well, except for the Earth part. I happen to be rather fond of it.

Uruguay: Nay! The Earth will be destroyed! And all deliverers of pizza across the universe will know the wrath of the Ushatarians and their desire for timely pizza!

Author: SOAP

Fred: Uh, who was that?

MJ: No time for stupid questions! We've gotta get a move on... Where are we again?

*To everyone's dismay it seemed thay had wander into a empty white void*

MJ: Ah crap! This can't be good...

Plot Hole: Hey! You're not supposed to be here! Get back into the OG.

MJ: Daddy!

Golem: Daddy!?

Author: Golem

~In the stupid alternate timeline...~

Luigi: NOOOOOOOOO!!!!!

Uruguay: Yes! Your planet will be gone forever!

Luigi: Not that! I just remembered I left my bag in my house!

~Luigi panics and runs about the room, then bumps into the control panel and accidentally hits the "destroy the entire ship except for the immediate vicinity of this button" button. The ship blows up while Luigi falls back to the ground and lands inside his house.~

Luigi: ...Wait, then how will they destroy Earth now?

~Meanwhile, in the timeline that is neither alternate nor stupid...~

Luigi: Now, back to the cheesecake...

~Luigi sits at the table where he has left the cheesecake. He picks up the fork, already with a piece of cheesecake on it, and places the fork a few inches to the left of his mouth. He pulls the fork towards the table again, then pulls it towards him, but this time places it a few inches to the right of his mouth.~

Luigi: Gah, collision detection in this game sucks. ...Control is loose. Graphics are great, very lifelike. The sound is also superb in quality, but is boring at most times. Gameplay is tired and uninspired. Overall, I'd suggest you to buy this game only if you eat games.

~Meanwhile, on Carrotcake King's ship, the OG continues...~

Plot Hole: My son, it is good to see you again!

Extra #3: O_o

Carrotcake King: So, which one of you is Antonio?!

Yami Yoshi: I am!

GORE: You're Yami Yoshi, not Antonio!

Yami Yoshi: Crap, you're right!

King: Too late!

Antonio: What?! Oh no!

~Antonio, soon realizing he is too late to change his name back, throws an Antonio Omelette high into the air. Just as all the OGers hide under Carrotcake King's throne, the Antonio Omelette explodes and shrapnel rains upon the room.~

Antonio: Haw haw! That oughta get 'em good!

~The shrapnel stops falling and everyone gets out from under the throne to find sitting in it none other than...~

Carrotcaykzor: GRAAAAAAAAAGH!!!!!

Rhyk: How is that even possible?! He didn't use a Nuclear Egg!

Golem: Quick, everyone grab the eating utensil you received at the beginning of this tour!

Carrotcake King: Fooled you, didn't I? It was just me all along.

Antonio: Phew. Now that there is no Carrotcaykzor, all of our problems are solved.

Carrotcake King: Actually, that shrapnel thing kinda hurt. I'm angry.

Antonio: Really? I'm sorry.

Carrotcake King: It's more than that, Antonio.

Antonio: Well, let's talk about it. I'd really like to be friends.

GORE: No... you musn't...

Antonio: What?! Why not?!

GORE: It is I... the spirit of your cheesecake... I died and now I possess GORE-ILLA...

Fred: Alright, let's eat him!

Golem: I'd like to thank Lupus and Mario Jr. for being present in this post.

Author: SOAP

MJ: Shut up! Things are just getting good... Oh crap! I don't have a fork!