Gamehiker Member OG 2 Page 2

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Author: Masamune

Masamune: Golem's post to GMOG confused me.

GORE: Yes, yes it has

Masamune: I don't get why some OGers think that making the story confusing is beneficial.

GORE: I wish the OG had never came to me. I wish none of this had happened.

Masamune: So do all who live to read such posts. But that is not for them to decide. All you have to do is to decide to write with what material has been given to you. There are other forces in this world besides of the will of n00bish. Yami was MEANT to start GMOG, just as you too are meant to post in it. And that is an encouraging thought.

GORE: Good, good! Now take your father's place at my side!

Masamune: No, your highness. You have failed. I am an OGer, like my father before me. I will not be turned.

GORE: Then, young Gamehiker, you will die.

Masamune: EEEEAAAAGH! *looks at latest post again* NoooOOooOOO! Yami.... help me! Aaaaaargh!!!!

*Yami looks from GORE to Masa several times until he finally lifts up Golem's post and flings it into the reactor core.*

Yami: Tell your sister... you were right, Masa. You were right... about me...

Masamune: I don't have a sister. No, Yami. I'm going to save you.

Yami: Actually-

Masamune: Let me help you take that mask off.

Yami: But I'll die.

Masamune: It's already too late for that. *rips his mask off* Bye Yami.

Yami: That was my face, I'm not wearing a mask

Masamune: Oh well. *jumps into escape pod*

~~~

*The escape pod lands on Tatooine with me and Masa aboard*

Masamune: A fine mess you've got us into Gore.

GORE: Ooh ooh aah

Masamune: I'm sorry Gore. I can't do it anymore. I'm OhGee-Man... no more. *puts OG-Man suit in trash*

*But after taking hallucinagetic mushrooms, Masa imagines himself in a car with his Uncle GORE*

Masamune: Wait, I thought I just finished that scene... It's... a glitch in the Matrix!

GORE: Whatever *Uncle GORE shifts into Agent Steve*

*Agent Steve summons an army of identical Steves* Steve: It's a deluge of dopplegangers!

Masamune: I am the one.

Dr. Yoshiman: (pins Fred against the wall) Find me OG-Man, or I'll peel the flesh from his bones

Masamune: I don't know where he is.

Dr. Yoshiman: Then find him, because I've forgotten what I'm supposed to say here!

Masamune: *watches Yoshiman storm off* *loses glasses and clenches fist*

~~~~

Masamune: *runs into Gore* We have to go back, Gore!

GORE: Are you threatening me, Master Jedi?

Masamune: We have to go back.... to the future!

GORE: Yes! Let's travel to some distant part of the future when I've finallyd decided to watch that movie!

Masamune: You never seen it? But... You were the chosen one!

GORE: It's too late to save me now. It's too late for me, son.

Masamune: No, Mr. Gore. I made a promise, Mr. Gore. A promise. Don't you leave him Masa GameGee. And I don't mean to. I don't mean to.

GORE: Man I hate stalkers

Masamune: Do you remember the taste of strawberries?

GORE: I hate strawberries

Masamune: They'll be in blossom soon and marijuana in the summer thicket. Smoking the first joints in rounds.

Green Koopa: Can OG-Man come out and play?

Masamune: *racks brain for lines...* Move kid?

GORE: *turns into a doctor and shoots Masa*

Masamune: Ugh... *backs up a few steps* Agh! *continues slashing up orcs* *blows Horn of Gamehiker*

GORE: YAHHHH!!!! *runs right into the arms of an orc with Yami*

Luigi: *runs in and impales the doctor*

Masamune: Forgive me, I have failed. They took the little ones.

Luigi: Gore and Yami?

*looks down* The other ones.

Luigi: Ouch.

Masamune: I would've followed you. My brother. My captain. My hobo.

Luigi: The gray forums will wait for his return... but he will not come.

~Later~

Ditto: The white admin approaches.

????: YOU ARE ON THE FOOTSTEPS OF TWO YOUNG OGers.

Luigi: Where are they?

Masamune: THEY PASSED THIS WAY. THE DAY BEFORE YESTERDAY. THEY MET SOMEONE... THEY DID NOT EXPECT. DOES THAT COMFORT YOU?

Luigi: Who are you? Show yourself!

????: *steps forth!*

GORE: ARAB DUDE!!!!

????: Arab Dude? Yes... that's what they used to call me... Arab Dude the stingy. That was my name... I am Masa the OG-Man. And I come back to you now, at the turn of the GMOG page.

Ditto: Forgive me, I mistook you for Golem's post.

Masamune: But I am Golem's post. Or rather, what Golem's post should have been.

GORE: Do you really think Golem's post can be destroyed? I was there, thousands of years ago, when the strength of Moderators failed.

~flashback....~

*GORE now has an aphro and stands with Golem at the post*

GORE: Now, Golem! Delete it!

Golem: ...No.

~Um... end flashback~

*Masamune is now in Mt. Doom with Gore, now a OG mod*

Masamune: Do it! What are you waiting for!? Delete the post!

GORE: ...No.

Masamune: *watches Gore add on to the post* NOOOOOO!!!!!!!

*Suddenly Golem leaps in*

Golem: My Precious! *hits Masa's head with a rock from behind*

(Nintenfreak: Golem loves and hates the post as he loves and hates himself.)

Golem: *wrestles with Gore for control of the story*

GORE: *has the post swiped from him by Golem, but tackles him into the Delete Post button*

Golem: *has post while falling... into the Trash Forum*

Masamune: *runs to cliff* Hold on Mr. Gore! Don't let go. Don't you let go. *extends hand* REACH!

GORE: *falls*

Masamune: Oh well. *runs out, but is consumed by the erupting lava*

~Somewhere else...~

Nintenfreak: There ends our Fellowship.

Author: Murasame

Back in the REAL STORY.

Luigi: Good cheesecake. That alien thing is going to haunt me for the rest of my pathetic life though, I'm sure.

*There is a bold knock on the door.*

Luigi: Oh, fine.

*Luigi opens the door and looks upon the striking figure of Murasame.*

Luigi: Hey. I'm a loser.

Murasame: That is a given. I feel, with my awesome powers, that you have just accidently lost your chance at an amazing adventure.

Luigi: Yeah. I'm a loser.

Murasame: Of course. That is why I've come to employ you on an amazing adventure of my own. You, of course, will do nothing but whine on the sidelines while I take all the glory, because I am of course better than you.

Luigi: That sounds reasonable. And logical.

Murasame: I know. I thought of it. Now come.

Luigi: Okay. What is this adventure?

Murasame: For one, though I'm sure it has escaped your feeble brain, those aliens who tried to accost you are about to invade Earth. I must, naturally, single-handedly prevent them from doing so or join them and then backstab them and take over Earth myself. For two, we're going to have to kill the Gamehiker Members, so that they don't interfere.

Luigi: I don't think I should do that.

Murasame: You're a pansy and you're going to do it anyway.

Luigi: Okay.

Author: SOAP

[Meanwhile... Where everyone else was at]

MJ: So what do we do now?

Lupus: I dunno. You're the son of a plot hole you should know.

MJ: Actually he's not real daddy...

(Just then infuriated burnette in blue appears out of nowhere and whacks MJ upside the head with a mallet.)

Marin: MJ! You dumbass! How dare you join an OG without including your beloved twin sister?

MJ: *rubs his tendered head* Sorry Mare-Mare. Golem, you remember my sister, Marin, right?

Golem: I thought her name was Laura.

Marin: Who's Laura?

MJ: Well, that's a long story actually...

[flash back]

*MJ holds his sisters mangled body close to his heart. He could feel the life slipping away from as every heartbeat pump more of her blood out of her mortal wounds*

Laura: MJ...

MJ: Shhh... save your strength Laura. I'm going find you some help.

Laura: It's too late for me MJ... Just make me a promise MJ...

MJ: Laura... Don't talk like that...

Laura: Promise me MJ.... Promise me you'll never try to clone my body...

MJ: Laura, I'd never....

Laura: Even if you try to name her something different! Don't do it... If I die it's meant to be... You shouldn't try to change that... not even for me... I want you to promise me...

MJ: ... I promise.

[end flash back]

MJ: Unfortunately I don't have time to go into that.

*MJ walks off*

Marin: Hey! Don't walk away from me! I demand to know who this Laura person is!

Author: Masamune

~seconds pass~

Masamune: Are you done?

MJ: Eh?

Masamune: With your flashback.

MJ: ... yes. *sweatdrop*

Masamune: Good. What's the status right now?

Golem: The Cheesecake King is at large in possession of GORE-ILLA.

Masamune: About that. I don't get that. Even with that absurd LotR parody that came from nowhere, it all seems terribly convoluted. I mean, where did he get a ship anyways?

~FLASHBACK!~

Luigi: Oh. Okay. Let me head back for my bag real quick. *goes into house*

Ushatarian: Okay.

Cheesecake King: Hey you. *fires pie launcher*

Ushatarian: Huh? *PIE'D!* I'm melting! *melts*

Cheesecake King: With this spaceship, I will crush those puny.... team... of... people. *flies off*

Luigi: *returns to see the ship gone*

Luigi: Great. Now I bet there will be some stupid alternate timeline where I go with him and Earth gets blown up.

~END FLASHBACK!~

Vorpal: Hey, how'd you do that?

Masamune: Do what?

Vorpal: That, there! You had a flashback of something that didn't happen to you.

Masamune: Oops. Oh well, it means we know that Luigi is in the OG now. And there's apparently aliens on the loose.

MJ: Aliens?

Marin: Luigi?

Plot Hole: OG? I mean, darnit. *poofs*

Golem: We have to go after GORE!

Masamune: Why?

Golem: He took Antonio, formerly Yami Yoshi, who is the protagonist of this story. Without him we'll probably turn the OG into a series of heart-warming flashbacks!

Rhyk: Good gravy, he's right! For once!

Fred: Yeah, I guess we should do something about that.

Kuria: Maybe.

Vorpal: Eh.

Masamune: Maybe after our pizza gets here. I didn't pay twenty bucks to see it go to waste.

Everyone: S'cool.

Author: GORE-ILLA

MJ: Wait a second. The guy who captured us called himself the Carrotcake King, not the Cheesecake King.

Masa: Well flashbacks don't come out too accurately when they aren't your's. But I know that there was a cheesecake-related thing that possessed GORE.

Golem: That would be the essence of Yami Yoshi's cheesecake, or something. I really don't know where I was going with that.

Kuria: Let's just pretend it was the Carrotcake King who possessed GORE and get on with the story before it becomes too overcomplicated.

Fred: Look, there's a pizza guy!

*A speeder bike pulls up with Murasame and Luigi aboard.*

Murasame: Ahoy, Gamehikers! Prepare for your-

Vorpal: Here, keep the change!

Murasame: ...Don't you freakin recognize me?

Luigi: Yeah, what about me?

Fred: My bad, there's the pizza guy up there!

*Vorpal looks up to see an Ushutarian patrol ship fly down.*

Random Ushutarian: Freeze in the name of the great Lord Urugay!

Fred: No, no, I'm pretty sure one of those people running towards us are the pizza guy.

*A squad of soldiers with carrotcake emblem raise guns at them.*

Soldier: Freeze in the name of the Carrotcake King!

Fred: Aha! That must be the pizza guy!

*This time Vorpal doesn't even bother to wait and see and simply flings a grenade at the approaching car.*

Vorpal: Ha! One enemy down!

*The car door lands at Vorpal's feet, and he sees that it's labeled 'Antonio's Pizza Parlor and Assorted Other Italian Foods'.*

Vorpal: D'oh!

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Murasame: Okay, let's do this!

Narrator: Murasame leaps off the bike and pulls out his sword.

Luigi: Sure.

Narrator: Luigi sits on the bike and whines.

Luigi: Oh, I think I have a hangnail. God, my life sucks. Do I HAVE to be the whiner?

Murasame: You can be the cheerleader if you want.

Masamune: Great and scots! They're approaching on all three sides!

Rhyk: There are four sides.

Narrator: The HUGE-ASS ROBOT from the first post appears on the--

Rhyk: No! I take it back!

Narrator: I'll give you this one... The plot hole randomly sucks up the HUGE-ASS ROBOT.

Plot Hole: Booya!

Vorpal: Let us divide and conquer based on our individual skills and--

Narrator: Random division time! Vorpal, Masamune, and Lady in Red draw their weapons and turn to Murasame, who has his own sword drawn.

Luigi: Want my help yet?

Murasame: Three-on-one? You'd better be ready to cheer when I kick their asses!

Narrator: Golem, Rhyk, and Kuria fire at the Ushatarian spaceship.

Golem: What am I firing?

Narrator: Rocks, probably.

Golem: Cool! *uses his scarf as a slingshot*

Narrator: Lupus, Fred, and MJ take the Carrotcake King's soldiers hand-to-hand.

Lupus: *punches soldier* Surely you can do better!

Soldier: Ack! I am cheesecake!

Narrator: And Marin stands in the middle and shouts at MJ.

Marin: Oh shut up!

Author: SOAP

MJ: Okay, not many of them left. *points at Lupus and Fred* You guys take those two on the right. Leave the big one to me.

Fred/Lupus: Right.

*MJ gets out his hammer and starts whacking away.*

Marin: No! No! IDIOTS! You're doing it all wrong! Must I do everything myself!?

*Marin steps and knocks down all three soldiers with a single swing of of her mallet*

Marin: I'm gonna teach you guys to never mess with my brother again!

Narrator: A so Marin precededs to deal out some serious punishement.

Soldeier1: Oh please Miss, don't hurt us!

Soldier2: Ah the humanity of it all!

Soldier3: Owwwie!

Soldier1: Ack! That doesn't bend that way!

Lupus: Maybe... we should jump in and help.

MJ: Who? My sister or those poor soldiers?

Author: GORE-ILLA

Golem: Take this, and this, and this!

*Golem flings a freocious barrage of rocks, which only fly several feet into the air before stopping and falling back down towards Golem.*

Golem: Whaaa!!

*Rhyk sighs as he shields Golem from the rocks, which bounce off of his metallic body.*

Kuria: Hmm... I have an idea!

*Kuria ties a long rope to end of a special hook-ended arrow and then fires it at the Ushatarian patrol ship. The arrow hooks into the ship, and the trio climb the rope then enter the ship.*

Mini-Boss Guatemala: [We've been breached! Fight, my horribly stupid minions!]

*Horribly Stupid Minions pour in through all the entrances to the room, surrounding them in a giant circle.*

Golem: Hey, this reminds me of the last Lord of the Parties chapter!

Rhyk: Except there are only three of us.

Kuria: And once again we don't have a dwarf!

Rhyk: Well Golem is kinda dwarfish.

Kuria: That'll do.

*Elsewhere, Vorpal, Masamune and Lady in Red have taken refuge inside Yami Yoshi's house after being forced into retreat.*

Vorpal: Why has he stopped?

Masamune: Unstoppable... he is unstoppable!

Lady in Red: Never have we been outamanuevered by obnoxious rivals! His strategy is without flaw...

Masamune: This is the end! We are all doomed!

Vorpal: Our predicament is dire, but do not depair! Focus! We are OGers.

Murasame's Voice: OGers??

*Everyone peers through a window in search of the approaching Murasame.*

Mursame's Voice: You are surrounded, your friends decimated. Make peace with the Authors now. For this is you final hour. But know that I, General Murasame, am completely without mercy. I will grant you a warrior's death.

*Footsteps are heard approaching.*

Vorpal: I can't see anything!

Lady in Red: That noise...

Vorpal: He's coming alone.

Masamune: We can't face him!

Vorpal: We must try, Padawan! Er...

Lady in Red: He's close but where?

Masamune: It's all around us!

Vorpal: Calm yourselves... Steady... Steady...

Masamune: YAAAAAAAAAHH!!!!

Vorpal: No!

*Masamune dashes outside and is stamped on by Murasame.*

Masamune: Ow.

*Murasame runs in wielding both his and Masamune's swords. Lady in Red quickly flings random appliances at him, but Mura deflects them all with his blades. Lady turns her umbrella into a blade, and she and Vorpal both duel Murasame, who is able to keep up with both of them. Then Murasame kicks Vorpal into Yami's bedroom and focuses on Lady in Red.*

Lady in Red: Vorpal! Hurry!

*Vorpal rushes to Lady in Red's aid, only to find that she's alread been disarmed and knocked out. The camera focuses on Murasame's eye as he looks at Vorpal.*

Vorpal: No! Sapphire!

*Murasame swipes Vorpal's sword, leaving Vorpal with only the Lady in Red's umbrella-blade that he swipes off Murasame. Mura leaps at Vorpal.*

*Yami Yoshi snaps to conciousness.*

Yami: Mm... darker, the coming storm grows...

Author: SOAP

*Marins wipes her hands together as she finished wailing on the poor soldier. Those of them that were still concious limped or crawled into hiding, whimpering like scared children*

MJ: Wow! That was a bit... overdoing it.

Marin: That'd teach 'em. Huh? Where did everyone go?

MJ: Seems like the story progressed without us.

Marin: They up and deserted us!? How rude!

MJ: I think Masa said something about cousin Luigi being on some sort of spaceship. Sounds like trouble.

Marin: Luigi Jr.?

MJ: No, the other one.

Marin: That weird hobo guy in the white hat? I thought he only came to our Thankgiving for the free food.

MJ: *rolls eyes* Anyways, he's part of our family... very distant family. But family nonetheless. Us Mario's gotta stick together.

Marin: You said he was on a spaceship right?

MJ: Yeah.

Marin: I think that weird short boy and his friends just climbed unto one using a rope. But they're gone now.

MJ: Damn! We've gotta find a way to catch up. Wait! I've got an idea. Yo Plot Hole!

Plot Hole: Erm... yes?

MJ: Lemme ask you a huge favor.

Narrator: Now what could MJ be doing conspiring with a plot hole at a time like this?

Author: Masamune

Narrator: And so it happened, the parting of the Gamehiker Fellowship...

~On board the Flying Sardine, the flagship of the Ushatarian Empire...~

Uruguay: So, these are the three who attempted to stop us.

Golem: You'll never get away with this!

Uruguay: I already did.

Golem: Oh. Well you'll never get away with this TWICE!

Uruguay: Well um... stop that! I will not be fooled!

Golem: I demand to know why you are!

Uruguay: Uruguay.

Golem: What!? I'm not a gay, you are!

Uruguay: No, that's my name. Uruguay.

Rhyk: Hey man, you beat us already. There's no need to go around saying that.

Kuria: He's not calling you one! That's his name... Um, Uree.

Golem: Oh, hi Uree.

Uruguay: ... that will do. HUNGARY!

Golem: Hey, I'm hungry too. What's for-

Kuria: *slaps Golem* Just shut up.

Hungary: Yes Lord Emperor?

Uruguay: Have them sent to the Torture Chamber until they reveal the location of Antonio's Pizza Parlor et cetera.

Golem: We'll tell you right now! It's on Second Street-

Uruguay: Silence! You will tell me AFTER you've been tortured. It's no good buying state-of-the-art technology if everybody squeals before you even start the injections.

GMOGers: *gulp*

~~~~~

Narrator: Meanwhile... the battle with Murasame continues.

Vorpal: *is in the middle of a flying slash*

Murasame: *fires electric gun* Now young Vorpal, you will pay for you lack of vision!

Vorpal: Agh!!! Luigi.... help me! Aaaaargh!

Lady in Red: Actually, I'm still good.

Vorpal: Luigi! Aaargh! Hobo!!!!

Luigi: *looks back and forth between Vorpal and Murasame... and grabs Lady in Red in a stranglehold*

Lady in Red: Hey!

Luigi: Eh, Murasame was winning.

Murasame: At last! *throws the Masamune sword aside* That which I have longed for! *picks up Vorpal's sword*

Vorpal: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

Murasame: ~eyes turn red~ AT LAST! AAAAT LAST!!!!

Narrator: In that moment, the Murasame blade and Vorpal blade suddenly merged. Murasame suddenly began to increase in size, mostly in muscle. His red hair became spiky and longer, his eyepatch expanded into a visor, his goatee extended into a beard of pwnsome. He was reborn. Reborn as....

Luigi: Vorpasame!

Vorpasame: Bwahahaaha! At last! ULTIMATE POWER!

Hamilton: *stands up weakly* No! He's taken my blade!

Lady in Red: *elbows Luigi in the gut and escapes him* C'mon Vorpal. Or whoever you are now. *she puts his arm over her shoulders and runs away with him*

Luigi: You're gonna get them right?

Vorpasame: They are of no consequence. We have BIGGER PLANS. *points to Masamune* Bring him along.

Luigi: *sighs* Alright, fine.

~~~

Narrator: And in a less interesting subplot, the battle against the Carrotcake King minions continue.

Fred: Where did MJ and Marin go?

Lupus: *looks around* Must be pursuing some subplot. Oh well. We can handle this right?

GORE-ILLA: *descends from the air* I return!

Lupus/Fred: Yay!

GORE: To destroy you. I'm still Carrotcake King.

Lupus: Oh yeah.

Fred: About that. We were thinking *looks around to the see the other Gamehikers otherwise gone* You wouldn't be in the market for minions, eh?

GORE: .... oh why not.

Lupus/Fred: Yes!

~~~

Narrator: Also finally....

Yami: I LIVE! *looks around* Crap. I'm alone. *crawls out from under table* Hey look, someone left a pizza. *yoinks* I suppose with everyone gone, I'll have to go look for them all.... Or maybe I'll go play in the arcade!

Author: SOAP

*the plothole spits out the Mario twins infront of Luigi and Vorpal*

Marin: Hey! This isn't the space ship!

Luigi: !!!

MJ: Cousin!

Vorpasame: Insolent children! I don't know how you got here but if you've came here to stop me, you're way out of your league. Go back to fighting minibosses newbies.

MJ: Actually we only came here to get my cousin back.

Vorpasame: Oh. Well I guess that's alright.

MJ: Really!?

Vorpasame: NO!!!! Do you take me for a fool!?

Author: GORE-ILLA

Yami Yoshi: ...Hey, with everyone else gone I can have the cheesecake for myself!

*Yami runs over to the kitchen table, only to find a few crumbs of the cheesecake.*

Yami: Hey! Somebody ate my cheesecake! And why does the room smell like cheap liquor and Goomba?

*Lady in Red dashes in with Hamilton.*

Lady in Red: Are you okay, Vorpal?

Hamilton: Don't call me that. I'm just plain old Hamilton now. Or was my real name Stryke? I honestly can't remember.

Yami Yoshi: Hey guys, somebody ate the cheesecake on us! We need to get another small fortune for that Ucranian Guy!

Lady in Red: Can't you see we have more pressing matters at hand? What with the alien invasion, Murasame going crazy with Vorpal's sword and the carrotcake fellow?

Yami Yoshi: I don't care! I've been starving for cheesecake ever since that day the Robot King banned them!

*OMG flashback*

*The image of the Robot King appears on every television in the world. However Yami Yoshi notices that on this particular day his face looks more like a cardboard with crayon scribbles on it then the Robot King's actual face, but he never thought much about it. He also didn't really notice when that cheap mask fell off momentarily in the middle of the broadcast to reveal an orange-skinned man with a long, carrot-like nose.*

"Robot King": Every single cheesecake is now an enemy of the Republic. You know what must be done. Do not hesitate! Show no mercy! (as he says this, clips of people crying as they throw away their cheesecakes) And now that the horrible cheesecake is gone, who's up for some delicious carrotcake?

Yami: Blech! (turns off tv)

*End Flashback*

Hamilton: No! We have to stop Murasame! The Vorpal Sword made me do many horrible things before I mastered it, and I don't even wanna think about what it'll do to Murasame! I'd tell you the story of how it corrupted me and made me kill my first love, but we've already had enough flashbacks in the last few posts, and there was already one involving a tragic death. Also maybe my own author can handle it better. Maybe when I'm ready to tell Kuria.

Yami: Alright, shut up. But how can just the three of us take him down?

Lady in Red: However we have to.

Hamilton: Wait! First we need to check around for the other OGers!

Yami Yoshi: Oh, I've been watching the rest of them from this window!

Lady in Red: Really? Is Golem alright?

Hamilton: What about Kuria?

Yami Yoshi: They and Rhyk boarded one of those alien spaceships which took off a while ago.

Hamilton: Aw man... well maybe Lupus and Fred can help us!

Yami Yoshi: Nah, they and GORE are evil again.

Lady in Red: Hm... Masamune is a prisoner of Murasame... Dodo, Slort and that Aaron guyare still trapped in that plot hole I think.... oh yeah, those new people- MJ and Marin! Where are they?

Yami Yoshi: Fighting Vorpasame.

Hamilton & Lady in Red: WHAT??

Hamilton: We have to save them. Vorpasame can't control himself. He'll kill them.

Yami Yoshi: That doesn't mean he has to kill us too!

Lady in Red: Oh shut up already.

Author: Fred

(GORE, now the Carrotcake King, sits atop his throne in an imported museum)

GORE: Muahaha. Hahah. BWAHAHA. Seriously, who comes up with this Family Circus stuff? Mrph. Back to the spread of Mediocracy.

Fred: Yeah, super. Super star saga... yow.

Lupus: Wait, this guy is a terrible villain! I don't get why I don't-

(The guards raise their bayonets with rifles attached on the ends)

Lupus: We'll be good.

GORE: Now, first order of buisness. WE MUST CAPTURE SONIC THE HEDGEHOG.

Fred: Here he is... A LA MODE!

GORE: Excellent, with him out of the way, I can finally pester/roboticize forest animals to my hearts content. There, life wish number one is complete. Secondly, we must kill the OGers!

Fred: But we're-

Lupus: Going to do it for you! Of course, this would mean you'd let us free from your menacing but ultimately expendable guards.

GORE: Bing bang done. Bwahhaaha. Ha. They're somewhere in the alpha quadrant.

(GORE hands them a map, though it's obviously a map from a movie with no labeled points)

Fred: I KNOW. WHAT YOU SHOULD HAVE DONE. THIS SUNDAY SUNDAY SUNDAY BE THERE.

Lupus: We'll just get outta your hair, and so...

(Meanwhile, in the garbage dump around the corner, lies a sword, rather battered and dirtied)

Masamune: You cannot discard the great Masamune! Although you did kick my butt... IRREGARDLESS, Murasame, It's on now.

Garbage dump owner: If you're talking, Mr. "Sword", then I gots to throw you out. No freeloaders.

Masamune:...

(NOW FOR THE ACTION SEQUENCE)

Vorpalsame: Yeah, you're pretty much dead.

Luigi: I could hold one, like last-

Vorpalsame: No, they won't be challenge enough as it is.

Luigi: Yeah, okay, go easy on them, they got me a meal or something...

Vorpalsame: What did you just say?

Luigi: Words. Empty ones. Don't stare like that.

(Vorpalsame casually and lazily swings at Marin, to have the sword knocked slightly back by her hammer)

Marin: You are preeeety cocky, mister.

(her hammer cracks into dust)

MJ: Or maybe you aren't...

Vorpalsame: Now, time to suffer.

Fred: Suffering just isn't suffering without the zesty taste of miracle whip.

Vorpalsame: I... guess you're right. Luigi, you're a hobo, go find some.

Luigi: Erm... it's all gone.

Vorpalsame: Well this won't do. You two.

Lupus: What, us?

Vorpalsame: Want some of this? Yes you.

Fred: Couldn't be. Bee-leave. THEN SUE

Vorpalsame: Look, you caused this problem in the first place. Now go get some miracle whip, so I can make this work correctly.

Lupus: Hey, I'm not some lackey you can order around! I was half of the ultimate villain at the end of the last GMOG. Besides, I already have orders.

Fred: I am!

Vorpalsame: Well, then fetch the stuff!

Lupus: Wait, he's got to help me destroy the OGers.

Vorpalsame: That's MY goal.

Lupus: Well, apparentely not anymore. So says the Carrotcake king, sah. And you know what THAT means.

Vorpalsame: No, not at all. This isn't even much of an action sequence.

(Of course by now, MJ and Marin are long gone)

Vorpalsame: Blast it all. Which way did they go, Luigi?

Luigi: Well, I wasn't really looking due to all these abandoned stores with cardboard boxes in stock in the back, but I think they went due east.

Vorpalsame: Of course! Towards the way that the sun either rises or sets, or something. I'll destroy them, and there will be no further interruptions.

(Runs off, dragging Luigi with him)

Fred: Zionist. Only noobs believe in santa.

Lupus: Oh, he'll keep going East, until he falls off the edge of the earth, Fred. And that will be that. Come on, my villain instincts are telling me to eradicate the OGers at the place where this all started.

Fred: The embryo?

Lupus: I meant this OG, but sure.

Author: SOAP

*East... somewhere*

MJ: Shouldn't we go back for Luigi?

Marin: Luigi is dead to me.

MJ: But he's a Mario.

Marin: That's not even his last name. If I recall correctly isn't he the guy whose granfather married the identical twin sister of Grandma Maria or something like that? Our family name didn't even came from her, it came from Grandpa Antonio Mario, who used to be a carpenter in the Mushroom Kingdom. Whatever blood connection he has to us it's probably diluted by now.

MJ: He's still family, nontheless. No matter how many times removed, he is our cousin and that makes him a Mario. A Mario never leaves another Mario behind. I made that mistake once...

Marin: What was that?

MJ: A Mario never leaves another Mario behind.

Marin: No, after that!

MJ: I didn't say anything after that.

Marin: Whatever! You're hiding something from me and I want to know what it is! Hey don't you walk away from me mister!

MJ: That big scary-looking dude with the sword has probably noticed we gave him the slip by now. We better get moving or he'll catch up. I'd ask the plothole for another lift but I used up my last favor with him.

*dissapears around the corner*

Marin: One of these days MJ... one of these days. I'm going get the truth from you. One way or another. *eyes glow eerily*

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

Luigi: So where are we going, again?

Vorpasame: To find the Ushatarians, of course. Now you're playing with power!

Luigi: What about those other two?

Vorpasame: Pssh. We don't have time for your psychotic family reunions. There is world to conquer.

Luigi: Complete agreement.

Vorpasame: Right. Because I'm the most powerful swordwielder ever! *uses the Vorpasame to pick his teeth*

Luigi: So, how do we actually find the Ushatarians?

Vorpasame: Enough questions. God, you and your trivial "concerns". It makes me sick.

Luigi: Sorry. I was just going to say, if you can't find them, they're right up there. *points at the Ushatarian ship hovering above them*

Vorpasame: I knew that.

***

Uruguay: Hungary! What are these two fleshy things that I see out of the viewport window?

Hungary: They appear to be a pair of humans, Lord Emperor.

Uruguay: OMGWTF! Beam them up, now! I wish to torture them as well.

Hungary: It looks like beaming will not be necessary, Lord Emperor. The one with the red hair is flying up to meet us.

Uruguay: Beam the other one. So help me, SOMETHING had better be beamed onto this ship. We didn't spend half a quatto on that teleporter just to have Bolivia beam protojuice into his mouth from across the room.

Bolivia: Sorry Lord Emperor!

Narrator: The ship begins to rock violently. A sword jutts out of the floor an inch away from Uruguay's tentacle.

Uruguay: This shiny thing... is this how the humans surrender to us?

Hungary: I'm not sure, Lord Emperor.

***

Narrator: Outside of the ship, Vorpasame hacks at the hull repeatedly, making considerable damage.

Luigi: Being a villain is odd. All I do is stand here... I love it. *sits down and takes out his N-Gage* (to Vorpasame) Yeah, just lemme know if you need help. I'll be right here.

Vorpasame: Pssh! As if I couldn't do this myself!

Narrator: Hamilton, Lady in Red, and Yami Yoshi watch from the bushes.

Lady in Red: Oh no. He's got an N-Gage...

Hamilton: I fear Luigi has fallen to the bleak blackness of the dark side.

Yami Yoshi: Why's everything gotta be black with you?