Nichibutsu of America Page 5

Pages in Nichibutsu of America: A Game Company OG

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"BANNED!" by Nintenfreak

~On the Street~

Goom: Isn't that one of Ditto's creeps, Boss?

Vorpal: I think so... what's he doing here?

Goom: Let's Ask...

Nintenfreak: I got Fired.

Vorpal: How did you know what I was going to ask?

Nintenfreak: I desided to tell you the answer to the question you were going to ask, without you having to restate a lot of useless information.

Vorpal: You know, we could use a whatever your job description is at VorpalSoft.

Nintenfreak: Can I have tenure and Replacible office furniture?

Vorpal: I don't know. Tenure is a lot of responsibility. You have to feed it and walk it and clean after it.

Nintenfreak: I can handle it. I'm responcible.

Vorpal: How about your Grammar?

Nintenfreak: I kan spel gud.

"Third Party Goers!" by Ditto McCloaker, CEO

*Ditto talks on his Important Business Phone, leaning back in his chair*

Ditto: Yes, Mr. Dyluck. Yes... Our head office has authorized me to offer you anything for rights to be your publisher on your next few projects. Yes, any amount... Correct. Any amount at all... That's what I said. Any price you name whatsoever...

...Okay, I'm probably going to have to call that in... but yes, I think we can do that. Yes, Mr. Dyuck. I'm glad Nichibutsu can count on your support for our new console. Have a nice day!

*hangs up*

Ditto: (A smiley face of some sort?)

Sapphire: You look smug. Who was that?

Ditto: THAT... was Dennis Dyuck, of Sillycon Knaves. I've just added them to our list of pledged third party supporters, to add games to our library of launch titles.

Sapphire: So that makes...

Ditto: *pulls up list* We now have 3rd party pledges from Crapcom, Squirrelsoft, Nermco, Hutson Soft, and some U.K.-based comany called Rearware.

Sapphire: Proven companies?

Ditto: Aaaah. Murble.

Sapphire: You didn't say anything. You said murble.

Ditto: Mimbly wook.

Sapphire: I'm beginning to get the picture.

"Press Release" by Yoshiman

Yoshiman: Mr. McCloaker! Mr. McCloaker! *Runs in the main office carrying a whole lot of paper in a stack bigger than he is, suddenly facing a CEO with a flamethrower* Umm. . . I'll just take these down to Nintenfreak, then. . .

Ditto: Oh, I already fired him.

Yoshiman: Umm. . . didn't we need him?

Ditto: In retrospect, yes. Now get out of my office.

Yoshiman: But. . .

*Ditto taps the trigger on the flame thrower, shooting off a six foot fireball, almost torching Yoshiman's papers*

Yoshiman: YESSIR! *Runs off to Flutter's office* Hey, Flutter, since we don't have Nintenfreak, you're going to have to make a game based soley on these pictures.

Flutter: Are they edible?

Yoshiman: What?

Flutter: Are they edible?

Yoshiman: Umm. . . I don't think so. . .

Flutter: Oh good. For a moment I thought they'd eat me.

Yoshiman: That's not what edible means-

Flutter: Enough chitchat! An artist will be at work the second you lay those papers right here! *Points the the box marked 'out'*

Yoshiman: Shouldn't it be the inbox?

Flutter: No, I have dislexia.

Yoshiman: Oh. *Places them in the outbox*

Flutter: HAHAHAHA! I don't have to do any work!

*Yoshiman switches the 'in' and 'out' signs*

Flutter: Rats. You saw through my brilliant plan!

"BANNED!" by Nintenfreak

Nintenfreak: You've got five minutes to impress me with your company.

Vorpal: Okay, Goom, hit it!

~Song And Dance~ (Singing is mandantory)
Please Come to Our Company
The water's sterile & Coffee's Free.
We'll pamper you like a goddess
And Clean you up if you make a mess.
We've Come knocking on your door
And it's you we've been waiting for.
Please don't walk away,
We'd like to have you stay
Please Join our com-pa-ny!

Nintenfreak: That song and dance was very comical and funny. Okay, I'm in.

Vorpal: Good, then you won't mind typing me a 55 page memorandum?

Nintenfreak: Ty-pe? You mean like the element on Pokémon Cards?

Vorpal: No, it's more like hitting keys in a semi organized fashion.

Nintenfreak: I can't type! I only have four fingers!

Vorpal: Well, then you're fired. Please take your complimentary DVD Player on the way out.

~~Back at Nichibitsu, after Nitnenfreak was rehired~~

Elzie: You're lieing! There are no game developing jobs outside the company.

Nintenfreak: It's true! They game me a DVD player and everything. I even snagged 836 dollars in office furniture.

Ditto: Now now, I assure you, there are no employment opprotunities for any of you underpaid code jockeys outside this company.

"Apth!" by Yoshiman

Yoshiman: There isn't? Then what's this? *Shows Ditto the paper with Vorpal's press release on it*

Ditto: Well, there's a perfectly logical explaination FLAME THROWER! *Torches the paper*

Yoshiman: Hey, I didn't finish reading the funnies. . .

Author: Lupus of the Ages

*At Vorpalsoft*

Vorpal: Now, we've been set back a bit but that's ok, as I can tell by my intuition that we are 38% ahead of Nichibutsu! We're no doubt going to pull more of the crowd at E4 than those suckers!

Goom: That's funny as we have no material whatsoever, bar our console "plans".

Vorpal: Did I ask your opinion?

Goom: It wasn't my opinion, sir, I was merely stating the facts. We need some employees to get us off the ground!

Vorpal: I think, Goom, the time has come for me to show you what is on that magical disc I brought in the other day.

Goom: You mean, the one you said was handed down from generation to generation, back before discs were even invented? The one that was found in an excavation in Egypt, thousands of years ago, and emitted a magical glow which made the finders forever happy? You mean the one you said would boost Vorpalsoft right into the big guns, and leave Nichibutsu behind in the dust?

Vorpal: The very same. Hand me the disc.

Goom: There's a slight inconvenience about that request that you may want to be aware of.

Vorpal: Eh?

Goom: I believe the disc was in the complimentary DVD player we just gave away to one of Ditto's employees.

Vorpal: ...WHAT? WHAT WAS IT DOING IN A DVD PLAYER?

Goom: It's not my fault if the magical disc happened to be named exactly the same as a famous blockbuster movie by bizarre coincidence!

Vorpal: This is quite a situation. We must get it back before they find what is on that disc! It could spell disaster for Vorpalsoft! Disaster! D-E-S-S-something-R-T-A!

Goom: I understand the situation sir. But what do we do?

Vorpal: Leave me alone for awhile. I must make a detailed infiltration scheme from this map of Nichibutsu HQ!

Goom: That's a map of the basement lavatory, sir.

Vorpal: So what, we're out of props. You didn't expect me to really have a floor plan of that funhouse, did you? It'll double. Now leave.

Goom: Yes sir.

*six hours later*

Vorpal: Well, I've finally done it. The infiltration scheme to retrieve the disc.

Goom: Sir?

Vorpal: Here's the plan. One. We go across the street to their HQ. Two. We retrieve the disc. *silence* Well, what do you think?

Ba: Uh, that isn't exactly detailed, and/or useful.

Vorpal: What do you mean it isn't useful? It's a foolproof plan! Not even a foolish fool who summoned fools to do his foolish foolswork could fool it!

Goom: I suppose you could be right!

Vorpal: Right! RIGHT! You couldn't even begin to comprehend the mildest tracings of the humble beginnings of the shattered remnants of me being even slightly correct! And let this be a lesson to you, Goom and Ba! Goombas never learn!

Author: Vorp

Vorpal: All right! Time for Operation: S.O.S.!

Ba: S.O.S.?

Vorpal: Steal Our Stuff.

Ba: I see... this doesn't involve us getting into ninja outfits in the middle of the day again, does it?

Vorpal: *halfway putting on ninja leggings* Uh... *quickly hides ninja costume*No! .... no it doesn't... Now let us go get that disc!

*Vorpal, Goom and Ba walk across the street and into Nichibutsu's building*

Vorpal: Okay... now according to my map, this door should be where Ditto's office is.

Goom: You just marked "Ditto's Office" on that map of our basement with a crayon... and the door says " Ladies' Restroom"

Vorpal: You're questioning the map!?!

Goom: Uh... no...uhm... you mind if we stay out here while you get the disc?

Vorpal: Suit yourselves. *walks in, about five seconds later there's a scream and a slap heard*

Saph: *storming out* Well I never!

Vorpal: *comes out with half his face red* Definitely not Ditto's office...

*The trio arrive at a door marked "Ditto's Office and bust down the door*

Vorpal: Hand over my disc you two-timing scumbag!

Ba: Uh, boss, we're the two-timing scumbags...

Vorpal: Oh, right... Hand over my disc you goody-goody two-shoes!

Ditto: What did you do to my door!?!?!

Vorpal: We broke it down so we could get in...

Ditto: It was unlocked!!!!

Vorpal: Yes, but I did not feel opening a door would have as much dramatic effect as busting it down and standing on top of it in an imposing fashion so as to scare you into doing my bidding!

Ditto: But, Yoshiman was just about to leave, I think he's still under the door!

Vorpal: Meh, anyway, there's a little thing I need first: MY DISC *camera zooms in, room darkens and thunder is heard in the background*

Ditto: I don't have the slightest idea what you're talking about, but if you kill my artist by crushing him to death, I'll make sure to sue you for what he's worth!

Vorpal: What? About Five bucks?

Ditto: I was thinking along the lines of Three fifty...

Vorpal: I see... well considering I was wanting to go get a Cherry Coke at the vending machine on my way out, I cannot risk killing your artist. *steps off door and lifts it* You okay?

Yoshiman: Ugh....

Vorpal: He's good *drops door*

Yoshiman: ACK!

Vorpal: Anyway, my disc?

Ditto: I still don't know what you're talking about....

Vorpal: Nevermind, you'd know what I was talking about if you had seen it...

Goom: Maybe we should try asking the guy we gave the DVD player to?

Vorpal: Goom! That's so crazy *camera zooms in* it just might WORK!

*another door crashes down*

Vorpal: Where's my disc?!?!

Saph: AUGH! Not again! Don't you ever learn?!?! *smacks Vorpal again*

*another door crashes down*

Vorpal: I want my disc, and this better be the place it is, cause I'm sure working up a thirst!

Elzie: Sorry.

Vorpal: T_T

Nintenfreak: Hey! Look what I found in my DVD Player Vorpal gave me! *holds up disc*

Vorpal: HA HA! Yoink!

Nintenfreak: ... all you said was "yoink" I'm still holding the disc...

Vorpal: Oh, yes... YOINK! *yoinks disc*

Nintenfreak: Hey...

Vorpal: *runs off madly out Nichi's building* HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!! o_o *spots vending machine* CHERRY COKE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA! *runs to vending machine* What's this? It only takes rare discs that were made before discs were invented as a form of payment? *eyes invaluable disc, then eyes Cherry Coke button, then back, and again*

~Later~

Goom: So let me get this straight, we busted down three doors in Nichibutsu, you got slapped twice, almost killed a guy, and we ended up without the disc?

Vorpal: But it was worth it! *downs Cherry Coke*

"The One of Many Flutters" by Mr Sgt Flutter

Flutter: *walks into Ditto's office* Hey Ditto...

Ditto: You didn't knock.

Flutter: *slams hit foot on the door twice*

Ditto: Come in.

Flutter: Did you know that there feels like there is a large object under you door?

Ditto: I wouldn't worry about it too much.

Flutter: I need to get some help with this project.

Ditto: Flutter you don't need help what you need is Lupus to work on the project.

Flutter: Isn't that help?

Ditto: Hahahahahahahahaa. That's great. I'll have to remember that one.

~later~

Flutter: Okay Lupus, lets get to work. *falls asleep*

Lupus: Flutter I wouldn't be here if I was going to do all the work.

Flutter: *wakes up* Ditto was right. *makes a cross with his fingers* Unclean, Unclean!

"I'll kill him!" by Blaine a samurai

Techno(affter debudding his PHES and making a control panlel for his own side of the tube system presses the butten and zipps through the complex weblike network of tubes shoot out into ditt's office fefrist rebounding off the wall behind ditto to land flat footed at his desk His face controted with rage some much that he almost looked like Al Gore with consopation.

"How dare you! I practicly drop the gaming system that would not only kick Nintendo out of power in the portible gaming market but would knock Sony and Microsoft off their high houres in the concel industry! And what does the great Ditto J McCloaker do?! The throws it aside like a copy of A Boy and his Blob for the NES! Do you know how mucht time whent into making that system/ It took two yers minus bathroom breaks and three minut meals! I was wide awke for the whole time wroking my fingers to the bone! And then in the idocit meeting you have your little helper booby trap my patented invention! That I would have willing giving to you! You're just lucky that i don't march out the front door and sell it to Vorpel!" Techno raged then his raving over took a deep breath and picked up the door freeing Yoshimin and walked out of th office still carring the dor tword his own cramped storgi room turned offic.

"Erm I think that he's a bit upset." Ditto said slowly.
"Upset? You're lucky that he didn't set a time bomb off incinorating us all." Yoshimen replide a bit befuddl.

Author: Nintenfreak

Ditto: *press button to talk to his Secretary* Send in that person that I hire to fix things around here. *static on the intercom is heard* No, the Janitor.

Björni: Benjamin Herrjolfsson Björni at your service.

Ditto: As you are no doubt aware, you are standing on a door. Under that door is Yoshiman, and I'm suprised he isn't a bloody mess already with his intestines squirted out like Chunky Mustard. I need you to fix that door, and do the rest of the things that need doing around here.

Björni: What things?

Ditto: Oh, you know, the usual. Repair the door, sweep the Hall, find Laserdisc that caused the door to be broken.

Björni: But How will I know when I've found this laser disc.

Ditto: You'll know when you find it. Take two people with you. Flutter, and Oh.... Techno.

Björni: Techno? Why?

Ditto: It you take Techno with you, and don't find it, we can blame it on him.

Narrator: Later, after Björni forgot to fix the door...

Björni: What am I going to do Flutter? What am I going to do?

Flutter: When ever I lose something, I always us the Divining Rod. ~holds up Stick~ Behold the power of the Divining Rod!

Techno: I don't think that will work...

Flutter: You question the power of the Divining Rod? You heathen! I can't believe I actually stole the wallet of someone like you.

"Electric Monk" by The Gamehiker

Masa: Hmm! Ooh, I know. We could have lime green marquee text tht gives our announcements!

Mune: Only if we use a green background.

Masa: Right, can't make it too easy. That was a good idea, making our website 'hard'.

Mune: Of course, people complain about easy games. So they probably would compain about easy websites.

Masa: Hmm.. maybe we could throw in a few broken links and pictures. And we need more banners, I was able to close them all in three seconds when I tested it.

Mune: Don't use classic popups! Use those new ones that cover the webpage and make sure they have music!

Masa: *squints at webpage* I think we got it. I'll just save it on the disc here.

Mune: Good! *holds up disc after it finishes* EUREKA! The Nichi Homepage is complete!

Flutter: *knocks door down* AHA!

Bjorn: You aren't Vorpal, man. *fixes door*

Flutter: Nevermind! It looks like I've found the DISC! Thanks to my Divining Rod!

Techno: But uh... you broke it on the door.

Flutter: Nevermind!

Mune: Huh? Aren't you supposed to be doing some meaningless task that Ditto assigned you?

Techno: *does some cool Matrix-style manuevers, jumps towards Mune to grab the , camera spins around him, he promptly misses (since Mune simply stepped away while the camera was spinning) and crashes into wall*

Flutter: No more funny business! Hand it over!

Mune: Never!

Techno: *quickly runs up wall, flips behind Mune, grabs the CD and jumps in the air and lands behind Flutter*

Flutter: Dangit Techno! Do you know how much special effects money we just spent to let you do all that! Oh well, we got the disc! Bjorn, Techno! We go! *they exit, breaking the door again*

Masa: What just happened?

Mune: Uh... they took our disc.

Masa: Darn them, they're going to steal our promotion!

Mune: Quick, make another disc so we can show it to Ditto first!

Author: Mr Sgt Flutter

Flutter: *walking down the hall with Techno and Bjorn* Stealing that disc has made me thirsty.

Techno: There is a vending machine outside.

Flutter: But we have to pay for that.

Bjorn: Actually it takes rare disks.

Techno: So?

Flutter: I suggest we steal it and bring it into the building. Bjorn you in?

Techno: What about me?

Flutter: You don't have a choice.

Techno: Oh...

Bjorn: Nah, I'm going to take the disc to Ditto.

Techno: Suit yourself.

~later outside~

Flutter: Now here comes the tricky part.

Techno: How so?

Flutter: One false move and I could trip.

Techno: I see. Well let's get stealing.

Flutter: Right. *trips*

~later inside~

Techno: What if someone sees it?

Flutter: We'll get in trouble.

Techno: We'll need to disguise it.

~later~

Saph: *walks down the hall and sees Flutter and Techno pushing the vending machine, which is now dress in clothes and has a name tag "Bob"* Hey Flutter. Techno. Whose your friend?

Flutter: His name is Bob and he's quadriplegic. So we have to push him down the hall.

Saph: Hey Bob, here's my number. *rights it on his shirt* Call me sometime. *walks off*

Flutter: And that's what you call Irony.

Author: Nintenfreak

Guys, his name is Björni, with an i.

-----

Elzie: We all pitched in and bought you a Wheelchair Bob.

Saph: We think you deserve it.

Yoshiman: The wheelchair will talk for you, and help you convey all thoughts except emotion and imagery.

~A crane slowly lowers Bob into the wheelchair.~

Bob: Thank you, friends. You are the kindest people I know. Party at My place everyone's invited. Except for you two. ~points to Flutter and Techno~

And in a minute, everybody was outside the building in front of the other vending Machines.

Yoshiman: So, what do you do for a living?

Marsha (a vending Machine): Well, I serve soft drinks to anyone with 40¢ on them.

Yoshiman: Well, I have a condo on the beach.

Author: Vorp

heh heh heh... this is great ^_^ I can't keep from laughing
------------

Vorpal: *trying to get the last drop of Cherry Coke with his tounge through the bottle* ~sigh~ Now I kinda wished I just went to the nearest grocery store, bought a twelve pack and kept the disc....

Ba: Hey, boss! The Nichi workers are all outside talking to vending machines.

Vorpal: All of them?

Ba: All except Ditto and a couple other guys, but most of them are out there doing nothing.

Vorpal: *ala Mr. Burns* Excellent! We have caught Nichibutsu with their pants down, it is now time to exploit it!

Goom & Ba: (Ianno, a surprised face?)

Vorpal: I meant that in a metaphorical sense.... I did! Anyway, while Nichibutsu is short handed we will release our system first, get the recognition for being first onto the market and make Nichibutsu look like the weasels! Yes, it's perfect!

Goom: But boss-

Vorpal: I said: release The EVILS!

Goom: Yes boss...

~In Ditto's office~

Ditto: *spits coffee after glancing at TV tuned to CNN* WHAT!?!?!?

CNN Anchor: And it seems Vorpalsoft is the first of videogame companies to release the next generation console. Boy, will The EVILS eat up those initial sales!

Ditto: That's it *narrows eyes* now it's personal!

"Modern Game-Mag Editor" by Luigi of the Pipes

*Luigi sits in his office, scribbing pictures in his notepad.*

Luigi:
I am the very model of a modern game-mag editor,
I've information date and time on when they show up in the store
I know the makers of Nintendo, and I quote the games without a bore
From Mario to Wind Waker--, always wanting more and more;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters in the processing,
I understand C++, both the simple and the streh-ess-ing,
About the game design I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the games that the consumers choose.

Drawings:
With many cheerful facts about the games that the consumers choose.
With many cheerful facts about the games that the consumers choose.
With many cheerful facts about the games that the consumers choose.

Luigi:
I'm very good at integral and differential programming;
I know the scientific names of beings very into ga-ame-ing:
In short, in matters date and time on when they show up in the store
I am the very model of a modern game-mag editor.

Drawings:
In short, in matters date and time on when they show up in the store
He is the very model of a modern game-mag editor.

Luigi: *slows tempo*
I am the very model of a modern game-mag editor,
I've information date and time on when they show up in the store
I know the makers of Nintendo, and I quote the games without a bore
From Mario to Wind Waker--, always wanting more and more;
I'm very well acquainted, too, with matters in the processing,
I understand C++, both the simple and the streh-ess-ing,
About the game design I'm teeming with a lot o' news,
With many cheerful facts about the games that the consumers choose.
*tempo increases*
I'm very good at integral and differential programming;
I know the scientific names of beings very into ga-ame-ing:
In short, in matters date and time on when they show up in the store
I am the very model of a modern game-mag editor.

Drawings:
In short, in matters date and time on when they show up in the store
He is the very model of a modern game-mag editor.

Luigi: *yawn* Well then, guess it's back to the magazine... *turns to look at TV* Then again, I should check the weather report...

*Luigi turns on the TV*

Reporter: The release of Vorpalsoft's "The EVILS" system has already made it the most popular gaming system worldwide, albeit that we haven't gotten any reports on how well the system actually plays, yet. The competitor company, Mochipestle, or something like that, has all but been forgotten already.

Luigi: NOOOOOOO!!!!
Alright, fine. Vorpal wants to play dirty? I can play dirty.

*Luigi looks at the magazine sitting on his desk, then grabs the phone.*

Luigi: Yes, I need you to fill the racks tomorrow. EVERY STORE.

~click~

Luigi: TO THE PRINTING PRESSES!

*Luigi runs downstairs, runs back upstairs and grabs his soda, runs downstairs, runs back upstairs and grabs the magazine, and runs downstairs.*

Luigi: Now then, how do I turn this... Ah, the big red button. It's always the big red button.

*The door swings shut as Luigi presses the buttons, and horrendous shouts echo from the room.*

~Hours later~

*Luigi walks upstairs, physical damage hidden by the fact that he's covered in black ink, save for his eyes.*

Luigi: The important thing is that I'm done. And that everyone at Nichibutsu is working as hard as I am.

~Nichibutsu~

Marsha(marshamarsha): So, I'm a Cancer.

Yoshiman: REAL-ly...