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Author: GORE-ILLA

*Yami Yoshi swims to the surface*

YY: Where thew hell am I? Ooh, I see an island!

*YY swims to the shore of the desert island, unaware that he is being watched...*

Author: Yoshiyami

*GORE opens his eyes and coughs up a mouthful of sand*

GORE: *cough* Pttui! Where am the hell am I?

*GORE weakly crawls to the top of his sand dune and observes his surroundings; a desolate sandy desert in every direction*

GORE: That nuclear explosion must've blasted me here...I better find the others before the MPVP finds me...

*Suddenly, the sound of thousands of rhythmic marching feet are heard. GORE turns around and sees a giant cloud of dust creeping toward him*

GORE: I sense a great blood thirst in that dust cloud...that can't be good...I better activate my cloaking device until they pass...

Meanwhile not too far away...

*Legion and Sergeant Shy Guy lead the massive militia of Shy Guys across the Turkmenistan desert in a tank. Sergeant Shy Guy operates on the inside of the tank and Legion peers through a pair of binoculars*

Legion: Sergeant Shy Guy! I am detecting a series of heat signals radiating from a figure to the east.

Sergeant Shy Guy: What are your orders sir?

Legion: It must be a sniper...heh heh...in that case, we'll flush him out and kill him. Bombs away!

Sergeant Shy Guy: Yes sir!

Author: GORE-ILLA

Seargent Shy Guy: Shy Squadron, assemble!

Gourmet Guy: I am Gourmet Guy! I serve no purpose on this team whatsoever unless it involves eating or dying of high cholestoral!

General Guy: I am General Guy! I like military maneuvers and being outranked by a seargant!

Fire Guy: I am Fire Guy! I'm a bit of a pyromaniac, because of which I burn things!

Camoflauge Guy: I'm Camoflauge Guy! And I'm good at camoflauging myself! ...And not much else.

Elastic Guy: I'm lastic Guy! I have the outstanding ability to stretch my body! Fear its lack of practical purpose!

Stilt Guy: I'm Stilt Guy! And i ride stilts!

Random Guy: I'm Random Guy! I simply string together strings of meaningless phrases which may or may not have comical applications!

All: And together, we are the Shy squadron!

Seargent: yeha, yeah, i've heard. just go out there and kill the sniper for me, willya?

*Elsewhere, by GORE-ILLA...*

GORE: (watching the army pass by with uber Jedi binoculars) Looks like they're on the move again! Odd... they left behind those six odd-looking shy guy spinoffs. Hmmm... that elastic guy's stretching is very strange! I will now star in confusion at his stretchiness, leaving myself opne to attack fom behind! hey, where did his comrades go? And who's breathing down my neck?

*GORE turns around and sees Gourmet Guy, who was about to belly-flop him while Camoflauge guy hid behind him. GORE replied with a dropkick to Gourmet's chest, sending him tumbling over backwards and caiusing him to crush Camoflauge beneath his weight. Gourmet rolled down the rocky hillside until he got stuck in a thin chasm. Fire Guy flies up, laughing maniacally and flings giant fireballs at GORE, who reflects the said projectiles with his lightsaber until one gets through and scorches his arm. GORE hisses in pain and rolls to the side as Random and Stilt arrive on the hilltop. Stilt Guy swings at GORE with his stilts while keeping his balance. Fire Guy re;leaes another wave of fireballs which GORE didges so they set Stilt Guy's wooden stilts on fire.*

Stilt Guy: Ach! Hot! Hot! (is engulfed by the flames)

Fire Guy: HEE-HEE-HOO-HOO-HAH!!! BURN!!! BURN!!

General Guy: (arrives holding a hose) Now cowe in fear as I attempt to spray you with water with no forethought of the consequences it may have on my teammates!

*General Guy activates the hose and quickly loses control of it, hanging from the hose as it jerks around and sprays rapidly across the hilltop, splashing Fire Guy*

Fire Guy: AHHH!!! IT BURNS!!! IT BURNS!!! BUT IT FEELS SO GOOD... (EXPLODE)

General Guy: Man I'm screwed. I knew I should have brought Revival Guy or Common Sense guy!

*GORE-ILLA slugs General Guy in the face, sending him flying over the cliffside, where he tumbles to his doom.*

GORE: that should be all of them....

KLUNK!!!

Elastic Guy: *standing over GORE's unconcious form, holding a can of paint thinner in one hand and a turtle in the other* Heh heh heh... Thanx, Random Guy.

Random Guy: Your nose could not be reached. Please dial again or not.

Author: Legion

"General Guy, how badly did you lose?"

"Croak."

"Ha, ha, very funny. Now answer the question."

"Ribbit."

"Quit with the frog impressions already."

"Croak. Ribbit."

"My God. Two sound effects in one set of speech marks. That's a new one from you General."

"Sir?"

"Yes?"

"The General's dead."

"...Oh well. So, what happened?"

At that moment Elastic Guy and Random Guy flopped into the camp, carrying an unconcious GORE on their shoulders. Legion sighed and put away his cellphone, watching impatiently as Elastic Guy tried to find a stable way of carrying the prisoner.

"And what do we have here then?"

"The sniper, Sir!" piped up Elastic Guy, crawling out from beneath GORE.

"That's a very funny looking sniper. I was of the impression that sniper carried, you know, rifles?"

"Erm."

"Nevermind," sighed Legion. "Damage report?"

"Well, Cameoflage Guy was crused to death by Gourmet Guy. Gourmet Guy's currently wedged in a chasm and we can't egt him out. Stilt Guy was killed by Fire Guy, who was in turn killed by General Guy with a hose, who was then killed by the intruder."

"And I assume that in the end you used the guns I gave you to subdue him?"

"Erm..."

"Oh for the love of..." Legion sighed and snatched a gun of a nearby Shy Guy. "How many times do I ahve to tell you how to use these things? You take aim t what you want to hit, you checked the gun is loaded, then you pull the little metal flicky bit here and..."

The sound of a gunshot rang out and a nearby Shy Guy fell over with a bullet hole through his forehead.

"There," finished Legion, handing the gun back to the now-dead Shy Guy.

"Sir?" piped up the Sergeant, putting down his little paper plane for a second as he realised that a conversation was going on.

"Sergeant, go and secure the prisoner in one of those easily escapable, unguarded tents by the perimeter, then run around screaming your head off when the prisoner breacks loose during the night and slaughters you all."

"Will do Sir!"

Author: Yoshiyami

The Apocalypse…

*The massive dragon-like battleship orbits around the planet Earth. Emperor Akujin sits in the throne room in front of a window overlooking the Blue Planet sipping a glass of black fluid. Suddenly, a slight tremor rocks the Apocalypse and a mushroom cloud appears on the surface of the Pacific*

Akujin: Excellent…Phil has separated the OGers…now it’s time to pick them off one…by…one…

Phil: HOOHAGH!!!

*Phil pops out of a wormhole and starts spazzing out midair*

Akujin: Oh it’s you.

Phil: Your promise!

Akujin: Oh right. My promise.

*Akujin materializes a bottle of Clorox bleach. Phil rips the top off with his pointy teeth and glugs down the entire bottle*

Akujin: Let’s see…Introbulus and Jim have already been executed by Shade. For the Pharaoh Yami Yoshi, I'll have him face off against Qwirtzok; for GORE, I’ve hired MON-KILL to do the job; and finally for Yami Yoshi…I’ve hired an old “friend” of his…heh heh…

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Later that night...*

*A swarm of shy guys run through the rows of tents screaming as if they were being chased by the devil, all the while screaming Paper Mario-stule, Seargent shoves his way through the group.*

Seargent: *pushing various Guys out of his way.* OUTTA MY WAY! MOVE IT OR LOSE, GRANDMA!! IT'S ME OR YOU AND I'M AFRAID I HAVE THE BETTER LOOKS!

Legion: Alright, STOP!!! *The Shy guys freeze in place* that's the worst fire drill ever. What if a REAl emergency happens. *points to one Guy* Porn Guy! You don't bring extrewmely flammable magazines with you during a FIRE! I wonder how the sniper's doing?

*Elsewhere in a tent, GORE sits on the floor with his arms crossed. The door of the tebnt is wide open and there's not a single Shy Guy guard patrolling this edge of the camp. the tent also has various holes in it large enoiugh for a gorilla to crawl through and GORE is not even bound in any sense or way.*

GORE: Damn it, how the hell can I escsape this death camp alive??

*A small gust of wind picks up and blows the tent away, leaving GORE lying on the ground.*

GORE: It's a miracle! I'm free! FREE!!!

*GORE gets dropkicked from behind nd is sent flying into a small steel barrel.*

GORE: Mmmph mmph oomph!

MON-KILL: Gweh heh heh... time for payback, GORE!

Author: Yoshiyami

Meanwhile somewhere in Egypt...

*The Pharaoh Yami Yoshi walks across the scorching deserts of Egypt through a barrier of pyramids*

Pharaoh: Ah, Egypt…5000 years ago, I ruled supreme over these lands…

*The Pharaoh walks into the shade of a decrepit pyramid and sits on one of the golden bricks*

Pharaoh: So much has changed since my concealment in the Millennium Egg…now nothing but these dilapidated memories remain.

*Suddenly, a meteor flies through the atmosphere from space and smashes into the pyramid*

Pharaoh: The hell?

*The Pharaoh flutter kicks to the top of the pyramid and examines a huge smoking crater*

Pharaoh: W-what is this?

*Suddenly, the entire pyramid begins to tremor. The Pharaoh loses his footing and plummets to the ground*

Pharaoh: Woooah!!!

*The Pharaoh’s body lands half buried in the sand just as the pyramid explodes. Bricks and sand fly in every direction. When the debris settles, Qwirtzok stands on a lone brick in the center of the explosion*

Qwirtzok: Ah, Egypt…5000 years ago, I ruled supreme over these lands…

*The Pharaoh pops out from the ground and coughs up a mouthful of sand*

Pharaoh: Qwirtzok!

Qwirtzok: Well if it isn’t Pharaoh Yami Yoshi…how long has it been since we’ve last met…4000 years? 5000?

Pharaoh: What the hell are you doing here?!

Qwirtzok: Heh heh heh…still as clueless and dim as you were back then…you and the OGers have stood in our way of dominating the universe…it is my duty as a supreme general of the MPVP to destroy you.

*Qwirtzok chants a curse and the scattered pyramid bricks fly into the air and circle around him before forming into the shape of a fist*

Qwirtzok: Pyramid Punch!

*The brick fist flies toward the Pharaoh*

Pharaoh: Dark Egg!

*The Pharaoh hurls a Dark Egg at the incoming fist. The egg explodes and shatters the Pyramid Punch*

Pharaoh: Hiya!

*The Pharaoh jumps into the air and releases a flurry of flutter kicks and whaps his tail into Qwirtzok’s face knocking him off his little brick platform*

Qwirtzok: Hieroglyph Hail!

*Qwirtzok mutters another curse and several thousand hieroglyphic characters fly out of his mouth and towards the Pharaoh*

Pharaoh: Egg Shield!

*A transparent Dark Egg shell materializes around the Pharaoh’s body and the hieroglyphs shimmer and vanish upon contact*

Pharaoh: Heh, your fighting skills cease to impress me…especially for that of a GOD.

Qwirtzok: It seems we cannot determine this battle with our fighting skills…let us settle this with the game the ancient Egyptians used to play…THE SHADOW GAME!

Pharaoh: Excellent…I am the master of Shadow Games!

*Qwirtzok mutters another curse and the entire pyramid rematerializes around them*

Qwirtzok: The Shadow Game will be…MAGIC AND WIZARDS! Are you ready?

To Be Continued...

Author: GORE-ILLA

*GORE-ILLA and MON-KILL face off in the ruins of the demolished tent.*

MON-KILL: GORE. You will not defeat me this time, I will make sure that the deaths are avenged!

GORE: Listen to me, MON-KILL! I will tell you the truth of 2003's events if you just let m-

MON-KILL: I HAVE NO TIME FOR YOUR CRACKPOT EXCUSES!!

*MON-KILL activates a double-bladed lightsaber and swings violently at GORE with it. GORE quickly draws his own red lightsaber and frantically blocks MON-KILL's assaults. GORE leaps back suddenly and takes the offensive as he jabs his saber forward at the armored ape, but MON-KILL thrusts his own lightsabers 180 degrees counteclockwose, sweeping GORE's saber out of his hands. It lands on the floor and deactivates. GORE then attempts to dodge MON-KILL's powerful attacks while unarmed, but it grows harder and harder as MON-KILL's attacks grow in viciousness. MON-KILL eventually has GORE backed up against the rocky base of a tall cliff which looms above the camp. GORE backflips onto the side of the cliff and hangs from the side with his natural hanging instinct. GORE holds on with one hand and punches the wall with his other, causing a small avalanche which bowls over MON-KILL and sends his lightsaber flying until it lands beside GORE's. GORE-ILLA jumps down as MON-KILL breaks out of the ruuble and two make a mad dash for the lightsabers. They were shoulder to shoulder, each attempting to push the other out of the way. But had they paid less attention to each other and more to their surroundings, they would have been able to move out of the way of the cannon's particle beam, which hit both gorillas and knocked them into the cliff wall.*

Seargent: I got him, boss!

*The camera pans out to reveal a giant, mettallic creature with giant, tree-like arms and legs. It was completely green and wore a shy guy's mask which had a long, sleek cannon sticking out of where the creature's mouth belongs. Behind the giant's head was a control panel with a chair and several handles used to operate the robot. At the controls was none other then Seargent Shy Guy.*

Legion: Meh, anyone could've made that shot. there's the sniper who has no gun, and a gorilla clad in silver armor. What are these things?

Seargent: I dunno, but I think Tank Guy enjoyed his trial run.

Legion: No.

*MON-KILL groggily clims to his feet.*

MON-KILL: Hunh? An army!! Team Monkey, assemble!

Mousie: I'm Mousie , man! I might not know karate, but I know ca-razy!

Ol' Bessie: Moo!

Bullwinkle: I'm Bullwinkle. I like cigerattes and cheese.

Diskun: I'm Diskun. I don't have any witty catchphrases.

EVIL Scientist Dude: I am EVIL!!! Mwahahhahaaaaa!!

Team Monkey: And together, we are Team Monkey!

Legion: ATTACK!!!

MON-KILL: (whispering into a comlink) Hello, Koopa? Yeah, I need more men. Send Fred and GL.

*GORE-ILLA recovers.*

GORE: Aw great, I get knocked out AGAIN and now I'm in the middle of a freakin' war! I'm bored.

Who wiil emerge victorious in this three-way war? Will Pharoah yami Yoshi overcome Qwirtzok? And what of Other Yami Yoshi and his mysterious tests? Will he suceed or get his ass kicked? Find out the answers to maybe one question (if you're lucky) in the next installment of VGF Member OG 5!

Author: Introbulus

(Meanwhile...)

Introbulus (?): Ugh...stupid Gnome...couldn't he have let us get off the boat FIRST?

Jim (Dark Purple): Well, you know what they say, Robobulus. Can't make an omlette without breaking a few eggs.

Robobulus: (Taking out a pair of contact lenses to reveal eyes that have reverse pupils, blue in the center, black on the outside) I know that, and you know that, but HE knows that those OGers were for us and us alone! Don't you still have a grudge against them, DJ?

Dark Jim: Look, I don't care HOW they die, just as long as they do actually die. Once Introbulus and Jim escape from the Apocalypse, I don't want anyone interfering with our battle like that LAST time!

Robobulus: You seem to be forgetting rule #2 of killing a superhero.

Dark Jim: Rule # 1-Always use the most efficent method of killing...

Robobulus: Rule #2-Always make sure that they absolutely really ARE dead, and not just mostly dead or something like that.

(Robobulus blasts off the ocean floor with the power of rockets inside of his feet. Meanwhile, Dark Jim simply follows him by gliding through the water, much the same way he would glide through the air, and likely any substance if necissary)

(Meanwhile...)

(Boom!)

Jim: That went pretty well...

Voices: Hey! What was that?

Introbulus: Agh! Patrol units!

(Introbulus takes out a strange device, puts it in front of the now-wrecked shield generator. Suddenly, it appears to be fixed. However, there's still one thing that even stupid patrollers would notice...)

Introbulus: Jim! Hide me!

Jim: What, you don't have a cool device that can hide yourself?

Introbulus: Er...

Jim: Oh fine...INVISIBILITY CLOAK!

(Jim leaps over Introbulus, covering him in his cloak, and goes invisible. To a casual observer, the room would appear to be perfectly normal...but of course, to high-tech security androids of the highest calibur on an evil battleship, it was little more than a ruse.)

Evil Robot: Invisibility detected. Search and destroy.

Jim: (Great, now what are we going to do?)

Introbulus: (Leave this to me)

(A mysterious force began to work inside the robots. Subtle enough for even them not to notice, but to be effected by.)

Evil Robot: BEEEEZZZP!!! Area Clear! Proceed! Proceed!

(The Evil robots skitter away to the next room)

Jim:...Now that's just showing off...

(Two more bombs, will they make it?)

Author: Yoshiyami

Qwirtzok: The Shadow Game will be…MAGIC AND WIZARDS! Are you ready?

Pharaoh: Heh…my deck has earned me countless titles all round the world…New York, Hong Kong, Tokyo…there’s no way I can lose!

Qwirtzok: Heh heh heh…have the full potential power of the gods contained in my deck…you will see what happens to fools who stand up against the supreme power of the MPVP!

*Qwirtzok and the Pharaoh stand at opposite sides of the dueling arena behind two flat stone tablets and place their decks on top of them*

Qwirtzok: The first player to lose all 4000 Life Points will lose the duel. By the way, the way this Shadow Game will be played will be a little bit different than your card games back home…LET’S DUEL!

*Qwirtzok and the Pharaoh draw five cards from their decks and place them in their hands*

Qwirtzok: You can go first Pharaoh…

Pharaoh: I summon Feral Imp (Level 4; Attack 1300/Defense 1400)

*When the Pharaoh places his card on the stone tablet, a green furry imp magically appears on the arena field*

Qwirtzok: Heh heh heh…just like the old Shadow Games isn’t it? My turn now…I summon La Jinn the Mystical Genie of the Lamp (L4; 1800/1000)! Attack the Feral Imp!

*La Jinn conjures a black energy ball between his hands and fires it at the Feral Imp. The energy ball smashes into the Feral Imp and obliterates it from the field*

Qwirtzok: You lose 500 Life Points. Intense isn’t it? Not like your lifeless card games back home…heh heh…

Pharaoh: My turn. *draws a card* I summon Gaia the Fierce Knight (L7; 2300/2100)! And I’ll attack La Jinn!

*A knight riding a horse appears on the field and impales La Jinn with his spear*

Pharaoh: You lose 500 Life Points now.

Qwirtzok: Heh heh heh…I’m just getting started…I summon Millennium Shield (L6; 0/3000) in defense mode. Since it lacks attack power, it should guard my life points for the time being…

Pharaoh: Heh heh…so you’re already taking the defense? *draws a card* I summon my most powerful card, the Red Eyes Black Dragon (L7; 2400/2000)!

*A massive black dragon with red glowing eyes appears on the field*

Pharaoh: And I’ll equip it with Demon Axe increasing its attack power by 1000 points!

*The Red Eyes Black Dragon swings the Demon Axe and smashes the Millenium Shield to pieces*

Pharaoh: Since you have no monsters on the field, I’ll have Gaia attack your Life Points directly!

*Gaia the Fierce Knight charges toward Qwirtzok and stabs him with his spear*

Qwirtzok: Urgh!

Pharaoh: You lose 2300 Life Points...now you only have 1200 left!

Qwirtzok: …my turn…

*Qwirtzok draws a card and an expression of triumphant appears on his face*

Qwirtzok: Heh heh heh…EH HEH HEH HEH! Victory is mine!

Pharaoh: What?! Did you draw Exodia?

Qwirtzok: No…heh heh…something MUCH better…I summon…QWIRTZOK, THE SUPREME EGYPTIAN DEITY OF DARKNESS (L12; 4000/4000)!

*A black dark fog shrouds the arena as Qwirtzok places the card on the stone tablet. Qwirtzok’s body vanishes from behind the tablet and reappears on the arena field ten times larger*

Pharaoh: What?! What the hell is this card?!

Qwirtzok: Heh heh heh…I have sealed all of my divine power into this card! There is no way you can stop! Hieroglyph Hail!

*Qwirtzok opens his mouth and thousands of black hieroglyphic characters fly out and smash into the Pharaoh’s two monsters*

Pharaoh: What?! Why were they both destroyed at once?!

Qwirtzok: Mwa ha ha ha! Hieroglyph Hail allows me to attack ALL of your monsters on the field at once. And since both of them were destroyed, you lose 2400 Life Points leaving you with a mere 1100! There is no card out there that can stop me…not even Exodia. Your defeat will be inevitable! Mwa ha ha ha ha ha ha!

Author: Brooser

One bright and sunny day at the beach...

Brooser: Ahh, this is the life...the sun, the sand, the 'splosions... *blinks* Wait, that's not right...it's surf, not 'splosions! Then where did I get 'splosions from?

*looks out over ocean, and sees huge mushroom cloud*

Brooser: The heck? What's that? I'd better check it out... *flies out to sea*

Author: GORE-ILLA

MON-KILL: Team Monkey, attack!

*Mousie the Jamaican cabbie driver dropkicks a troop of shy guys, who collapse instantly. Bullwinkle and Mecha-Pinchy clear put large numbers of Troop Guys at once while Ol' Bessie tramples innocent bystanders.*

Seargent Shy Guy: Heh heh heh, do you really expect to defeat the invincible Tank Guy?

EVIL Scientist Dude: You'll see... XB-0TT!! Transform!

*X-B0TT shapeshifts into a giant robot suit with slim arms, giant fists, bulky legs, and a devilish head. His armor is completely black save for a green X on his forehead. SSG manuevers Tank Guy to close in on X-B0TT, but X shoots his fists out like rockets. They slug Tank Guy right in the face which causes it to double back. Tank Guy regains his balance and fires a blast from its cannon at X-B0TT, but X dodges to the side easily and transforms his arms into cannons which then fire burst beams at Tank Guy which slices through Tank Guy's torsao, splitting it in half. The top half slides off the lower half and crashes on the floor, giving SSG enough time to scramble away from the machine before it explodes.*

X-B0TT: Pathetic humanoid.

Legion: (slaps SSG upside the head) No look what you did! I just finished my last payment on the Tank Guy, too! Well don't just stand there! Prepare Elastic Guy!

*Random Guy and Seargent Shy Guy grab Elastic Guy by his armpits nad strtch him back as far as they can while Legion holds his legs down. Finally they let go of elastic guy and watch him snap forward like a rubber band. However, MON-KILL leaps into the air and raises his steel-covered fist. Elastic Guy's face slams right into it, causing him to collapse on the ground, dead.*

Legion: this isn't going well at ALL!! Don't you have anything that can help us, SSG??

SSG: Well, I do have some good news...

Legion: Which is...?

SSG: Well I just saved a load of money on my car insurance by switching to Geico!

GORE: Hey, what're you guys talking about?

Author: Brooser Koopa

Brooser: Now...where was it? It was somewhere around...hey, what's this? *picks up a piece of metal. It reads:

Property of Apocalypse*

Brooser: Wierd...this must be part of that bomb. Then what's the Apocalypse? A Chinese buffet or something?

*Meanwhile, on the Apocalypse...*

Ship Attendant: Um, sir, there's someone on the radar...

Akujin: What? *walks to monitor* Who could that be? All the OGers have been accounted for, but that person seems opposed to evil...

Attendant: Ooh, did you sense that with your super Good/Evil Senses?

Akujin: Well, uh, *cough cough* the Good/Evil meter on the radar was a good hint too...

Attendant: Well, do you want to check him out?

Akujin: Yes, I think I do...send out project 'K'...

Author: Gamechamp

Meanwhile, in space, Our favorite robot fighting team has finally reached the Apocolypse.

Gamechamp: Great! We're here! Now, we just need to find a way inside... let's split up, Robot Team!

They all fly in different directions looking around the Apocolypse for an opening.

Meanwhile...

Droid: Intruder detected. Activating Outside preperations... launching...

The droid comes out of a hatch outside. It looks around.

Droid: Intruder detected nearby... no invisibility detected... does not compute...

Black is floating above it.

Black: You know, deep space is great for stealth.

Black takes out one of his swords and slashes, splitting the droid in half.

Black: Good. This hatch should help me get inside. I'll have to meet the others later.

Black enters the hatch and makes his way to search for Introbulus and Jim.