Thrakun Skullcracker
| |
| Thrakun | |
| Real Name | Thrakun Skullcracker |
| Species | Dwarf |
| Birth Year | Unknown |
| Affiliation | Team Thrakun |
| Hair color | White |
| Eye color | Brown |
| Weaponry | Battle-Axe |
| Abilities | Super Strength Mineral Consumption Is a Dwarf |
| Base | Scotland |
| Origin | Norwegia |
| Creator | Masamune |
| Debut | Some Fanventures |
| Relatives | Sindri Skullcracker: Father Olga Skullcracker: Wife (deceased) Elenia Aostuin: Ex-Wife Tina Skullcracker: Daughter Rebe Jade: Daughter Luiigii of the Pipes: Son-in-Law Ashley: Granddaughter |
Thrakun Skullcracker is an irritable dwarf that was introduced in Some Fanventures as an alternative to a usual Author Character. He is known for his irrational hatred of elves, women, and cell phones - but most of all, Mario Jr. He also played a pivotal role in the Kwest series as the antagonist of Kester.
Background[edit]
Thrakun is the distant relative of that one dwarf guy in Golden Axe, no really. He's also one of the Lost Vikings, except he got lost on the way and didn't actually appear in the game. This is fortunate, since Thrakun would have left the game with absolutely nothing left to do. During his early childhood, he lived with his father in their homeland of Norwegia. From his father he learned many things (such as to hate women, elves, and cell phones). He also learned from his father the smithing arts that had been used to forge Thor's hammer, Mjollnir. He got along well with Thor and they used to go drinking all the time. However one day Sindri was visited by an oracle and revealed a terrible prophecy, which he then revealed to Thrakun. One day there would be born a man who was not a man, whose name would be Mario Jr. which caused Thrakun to cry for the first time in his life. These tears turned out to be absolutely lethal to anyone they touched and instantly killed Thrakun's father. Ashamed by this, he fled to Scotland, but mostly because of the haggis and the lovely sound of bagpipes. Centuries later, his tear ducts would be surgically removed and were later used to secretly build the Doom Bringer.
Afterwards he worked freelance ridding the world of elves (particular the cookie-making kind), cell phones, and women. Lots of women (except for dwarf women, one of which he married and had a daughter with). However, after a few lawsuits, he slowed down on his righteous cause of ridding the world of elves, women, and cell phones and turned towards a life of publicity stunts using his immense fame to buy his way into free dinners and cars. Eventually the lavish lifestyle got to his head and his wife left him. Humiliated once more, he retired to the mountains of his homeland, where he decided to refine his axe skills again. After spending five years in seclusion eating nothing but rocks, he finally left his sacred retreat and returned to the world with his new white beard (as opposed to his original brown one), intent on ridding the world of evil. Or at least things that annoyed him.
Unfortunately, the journey of a single step was halted by a drunken haze one night, when Thrakun married Elenia Aostuin, an elf woman who almost always uses a cell phone. Despite his father rolling in his grave, Thrakun tried to stomach the marriage and eventually had a daughter named Rebe, the world's only dwelf. After Rebe was banished to Avest Forec by dwarvish and elvish councils both despising the union, Thrakun and Elenia separated and Thrakun put the whole messy situation behind himself.
Timeline History[edit]
Good Timeline[edit]
After showing up for no reason in Some Fanventures, he became one of the original members of the group after berating Marin for landing on Bowser. Despite his constant pestering of what people did wrong, his ability to consume rocks proved useful to the other Fanventurers throughout their epic adventures. Of the group, his closest companion is Mr. Podley who he is rather fond of, despite being British (and a weird jellyfish thing). During their first quest in Hyrule, he ruthlessly slaughtered an entire village of Hylians, mistaking them for elves. Hardly remorseful, he constantly attempted to kill Zelda due to her elven qualities, being a woman, and for some reason using a cell phone all the time.
During Some More Fanventures, Thrakun becam infatuated with the evil Medusa, who he regarded as the most beautiful woman he had ever seen. Later in Even More Fanventures, he joined Blue Moon Army after being convinced by Olaf's beardness. This didn't last long once he rejoined the rest of the Fanventurers and had to later fight Mario Jr. in a epic duel in which Thrakun got mad a lot and flew his Bearded Tank.
Thrakun appeared in Member Adventures with the intention of joining the group, but wasn't allowed to join because he wasn't a generic author character and was instead replaced by Masamune. Thrakun teamed up with Kester in Kester's Quest with the intention of getting revenge against Gillian Anderson for reasons not fully understood. He acted as an antagonist in all two and one-tenth installments of the Kwest saga, with his group that came to be known as Team Thrakun.
Thrakun made his way into the GMOG series in an off-screen role in Gamehiker Member OG IX, but only truly appeared in Gamehiker Member OG X after his daughter married Luiigii of the Pipes. Angered that he didn't ask for his daughter's hand in marriage (not that he would have given it), he sought to get revenge on Luiigii by simply killing him while teamed up with Dixie Kenya. After being defeated by Retro, he was hauled off to prison by Sigmund until he broke out with the rest of the Sweet Sixteen and started working for Old Golem. He fought on Old Golem's side when Dark Ditto turned on him and fought off Murasame.
In the alternate future, Thrakun died five years later when he and the rest of Team Thrakun went up against the new gods and were caught in an ambush. Thrakun refused to retreat and the three of them were killed in the battle (though Farmer Jon got better).
Later in the year 2031, Thrakun was seen in Gamehiker Member OG Holiday Special: Happy Father's Day, Masa! when he came to visit his daughter and her family on father's day. While being his usual cantankerous self, he was kidnapped by EVIL Scientist Dude so that he and the other fathers (including Luiigii) could be eliminated using the Patrilineage Bombinator. Though he was eliminated and faded away, he was ultimately saved with the help of his granddaughter, Ashley and the League of Extraordinary Descendants.
Bad Timeline[edit]
Thrakun accidentally devoured Cheapanium in the year 2000 and due to its hard texture, he spent nearly thirty years with the worst kind of stomach pains, which he spent all of underground. Eventually he emerged once he had finally digested the metal completely and formed Team Thrakun by recruiting the sorceress Helga and the extremely old Farmer Jon. Their endeavors attracted the attention of Kirby, who recruited them and the SteveTrio to replace the old ranks of The Council.
Neutral Timeline[edit]
During the last years of the Vorpal Administration, Thrakun seized control of Scotland and attempted to invade the United States at the same time as Canada waged an attack. Though he managed to gain ground and nearly claimed victory, he was convinced by Vorpal to settle it by men. Thrakun decided to challenged him to a log throwing contest, but Vorpal managed to win by wearing SteveT. After being defeated, Thrakun agreed to help Vorpal take down Canada and Russia.
Harvest Goers '07[edit]
Thrakun appears in Harvest Goers '07, in which he is dead but wasn't spirited away because he defeated Death. He is tripped over by Elenia Fayrweather; as per tradition he then forces her name to change to Helga, because it's simpler.
Quotes[edit]
Thrakun: Ach, dinna ye know it be rude to talk into phones when ye got company!?
Bowser: Well actually, I'm entertaining a kidnapee at the moment...
Thrakun: Well that's all good and well, lad, but I'm right famished from spontaneously appearing here, ye know. Ye best be feeding us or I'll be laying on the pain, ye kin?
Thrakun and phones; Some Fanventures
Marin: They took my brother!
Thrakun: *stroking beard* I can see why he was so obedient.
HH: I know, she's hideous and terrifying!
Thrakun: Eh? Who? That Medusa lass was a sight, she was! If I were still a lad , I'd been smitten with her too.
-Thrakun's exquisite taste in women; Some More Fanventures
Thrakun's Father: *comes home drunk* Never trust women.
Thrakun: Why?
Thrakun's Father: Because *belch* a woman took your birthday money!
Thrakun: NOOOOOOO!!!
-Thrakun learns the evils of women as a young boy; Even More Fanventures flashback.
Sorceress: Good! Well my name is-
~Character Rename Screen shows up with the name: "Elenia Fayrweather". Thrakun promptly backspaces over all that and renames her "Helga".~
Helga: -Helga. Oh.
Thrakun: Ach! Now that be a right lovely name, eh Death?
-How Helga came to be; Kwest
Gallery[edit]
Mugshot By Masamune
By Masamune
Thrakun as a Gyarados
By Luiigii of the Pipes
