Gamehiker Member OG 2 Page 4
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Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
Murasame: Don't worry. I took the liberty of bringing a back-up.
(Another door in the arena opens. Luigi steps out.)
Luigi: It's better than being sacrificed.
Lupus: Okay, completely unlike that monster you somehow beyond all possible reasoning managed to perhaps kill, this one looks like a pushover.
(Luigi walks past Lupus, who suddenly collapses.)
Lupus: That's hardly fair. I didn't even get a chance.
Luigi: That's how it works.
Lupus: Nuh uh! (karate kick)
Luigi: (Vulcan neck pinch)
Lupus: Oh. (collapses for real)
Luigi: (rubs his fingers with his coat) I seem to have just crossed my sci fi loyalties. That's going to make me extra cranky today. You may want to just lie down now and get executed the easy way.
Rhyk: Wait... why didn't you just kill Lupus?
Luigi: I don't know. Are you trying to make me cry? It won't work.
(The guns on the dead Ushatarian soldiers all raise into the air and point at them. For effect, two random pieces of technology lift up and crash down on two other random pieces of technology.)
Luigi: Ha ha. This is like that scene in X-Men. If I had Slort and Splog here, one of you would try to mind control them, right?... Wait, you're just supposed to quote the movie, not make reference to it. Oh well, too late now.
(Luigi fires a gun at Golem, then stops the particle beam just before it hits his forehead.)
Golem: HRRRRRRRUUUUUUUUUUNNNNNNNGGGGGGGHHHHH!
Fred: Seriously. That growl he makes made no sense.
Author: Masamune[edit]
Kuria: We have to stop him somehow!
Rhyk: But how?
Golem: What am I supposed to do!?
~FLASHBACK!~
Golem: Hey, I'm in the TASTS!
Ditto: Golem.
Golem: Oh, uh. Hey Ditto. Is this one of those free-form flashbacks?
Ditto: Yes. Now listen. All these things you're doing, fail to make me laugh.
Golem: Well, I have been kinda shafted in this OG.
Ditto: Of all the times we discussed games and stories, I counted on you to exceed my unrealistic expectations of you. Remember, with great OGs comes great humor. Take my hand.
Golem: No Ditto. I can't be your whipping boy no more. I am Golem. I am uh...
Ditto: OG-Man? The OGer? Alpha Party Goer? The Hero?
Golem: I am not not Golem no more.
Ditto: *eyes go all big and anime-ish, with tear drops*
Golem: No more....
~End flashback~
Golem: ... no more...
Rhyk: No more what?
Golem: Huh? Oh. No reason for me stand behind this laser beam. *moves*
Luigi: Hey! You can't do that!
Golem: Oh. *gets back behind it*
Author: GORE-ILLA[edit]
*Golem still stands near the bullet while Lupus lies passed out on the floor. All the others are... well they're just standing there, as I cannot think of anything inventive to do.*
Murasame: Master Golem! You have fought galliently. Worthy of recognition in the OG Archives. Now it is finished. Surrender, and your lives will be spared.
Kuria: ...Look up there!
*Everyone looks up at the sky, and Kuria knees Luigi in the stomach to make him drop the bullet. Then everyone slams down on him and beat him into unconciousness.*
Murasame: Oh no!
*An intergalactic bus lowers to the middle of the stadium. Vorpal's group of OGers are within.*
Golem: Oh, so there really was something up there.
Kuria: I didn't know that.
*Golem, Fred, Kuria and Rhyk (with Lupus's unconcious body) rush into the intergalactic bus, which immediately takes off. It then rushes after Murasame, who boards a speeder bike and rides off across the desert. Masa points to him.*
Masamune: Look! Over there!
Vorpal: It's Murasame- shoot him down!
Pilot: This is a freakin' bus, sir.
Vorpal: Follow him!
Kuria: We're going to need help.
Masamune: There's no time. Vorpal and I can handle this.
Golem: Sure, pretend the rest of us aren't here. You people sometimes...
*The intergalactic bus shudders as it is hit by a Ushatarian laser, and Golem falls out the window.*
Masamune: Thank God.
*One more shudder, and this time Fred falls out.*
Fred: UNCLE ANDROSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS-
Masamune: FRED! Put the bus down!
Vorpal: Don't let your personal feelings get in the way- follow that speeder!
Masamune: Lower the bus!
Vorpal: Masa, I can't take Murasame alone. If we catch him, we can end this mild skirmish right now. We have a job to do.
Masamune: I don't care! Put the bus down!
Vorpal: You'll be expelled from the OGing order!
Masamune: I can't leave him.
Vorpal: Come to your senses. What do you think Fred would do if he were in your position?
Masamune: He would probably do the same thing I'm doing until his attention span runs out. I knew we should have taken the Swordefeller, it at least has seatbelts.
*Murasame enters a hanger. The bus parks outside the hanger, letting its occupants out. Vorpal and Masamune immediately rush into the hanger. Oh and those other ten guys too. The bus is immediately yanked into a Sarlacc Pit and completely destroyed because no major characters are still in it.*
Author: Murasame[edit]
Masamune: You're going to pay for all the OGers you killed today, Murasame!
Murasame: I haven't killed-
Vorpal: *whispers* We'll take him together - you go in slowly on the-
Masamune: No, I'm taking him now!
Vorpal: Masa, no!
~Masamune swings wildly at Murasame, who examines his finger nails in a bored fashion. The scene shifts to Masamune, still running enraged, back to Murasame reading a book. It shifts to Masamune, spit flying out of his mouth, then to Murasame taking a nap.~
Vorpal: How big IS this hangar?
~Masamune finally swings. In a comical fashion, Murasame moves at the last minute and pounds his head with a mallet~
Murasame: As you can see, my OGing abilities surpass your own.
Vorpal: I don't think so.
~they both unsheath their swords simultaneously and begin attacking~
Vorpal: You are using Excalibur's defense against me, eh?
Murasame: I thought it fitting given the junky area.
Vorpal: Naturally, you must expect me to attack with a MALLET! *swings his own mallet*
Murasame: Naturally, but I find that a swipe at the knees cancels a mallet, don't you? *kicks Vorpal's legs out from under him*
Vorpal: Unless the enemy hasn't studied his cool poses... which I have! *jumps back up and poses in the setting sun*
~they continue to battle~
Murasame: Vorpal, Vorpal... You disappoint me. Kuria holds you in such high esteem. But she will hold ME even higher.
~another attack~
Murasame: Come for me, Vorpal! Put me out of my misery!
~Vorpal swings, but is cut in the shoulder, he stumbles back. Murasame is about to finish him off when...~
Masamune: FOR THE SHIRE! *swings sword* And for Fred! *swings again* And that's for my old raven!
Vorpal: *calls out* He's not even in this story!
Murasame: That's brave of you, brother - but foolish. I would have thought you'd have learned your lesson.
Masamune: I'm a slow learner. I flunked fourth grade thrice.
~they swing at eachother~
Murasame: *yawns* Parry, thrust thurst, parry, swing, parry. What now, Masamune? We be two immortals fighting until judgement day and the trumpets sound?
Masamune: Or you could surrender!
Vorpal: Masa! *throws him his mallet*
~the fight continues on and on and on, eventually everyone gets bored and leaves, except Vorpal who is still nursing his small scratch which isn't even that bad~
Murasame: Now you die! *knocks Masamune's mallet away and holds his sword to his neck*
Masamune: Hey, we're immortal, so you-
~there is a crash... and in walks, to their astonishment, Lugii~
Murasame: Luigi, my minion.
Luigi: Murasame. *glares*
Murasame: You have fouled up my plans for the last time!
~Murasame picks up a bus sitting nearby and throws it at Masamune and Murasame. Before it can land, Luigi levitates it with the Force out of the way~
Luigi: You have become more powerful Murasame. I sense something new in you.
Murasame: I have become more powerful than any warrior or even Jedi. Even you, my former minion. Ushatarian Science powers me now!
~His sword suddenly unleashes a onslaught of electricity at Luigi. He catches it with his hand, and experimentally sticks his tongue to it. After being zapped, he throws it away, frying a random person~
Luigi: You have much to learn.
Murasame: It is obvious this boring scene of us standing here doing nothing will not decide the victor. So it must be decided by our skills as swordsmen!
Luigi: Ha! Your sword- *attacks with his laser sword, but the sword blocks it* can not uh... defend against... a laser sword?
Murasame: Magic, minion. Magic.
~Murasame begins attacking, Luigi mostly defending~
Luigi: If you strike me down I shall become more powerful than you can possibly imagine.
Murasame: Will not.
Luigi: Oh.
~Luigi attacks, Murasame paries. Luigi becomes mad with his attacks, their blades cross and they glare at eachother~
Luigi: You are wonderful, my old master. I admit it, you're better than me...
Murasame: Then why are you smiling?
Luigi: Because I know something you don't know.
Murasame: That is?
Luigi: I am not right-handed!
Murasame: Yes you are.
Luigi: Oh...
Murasame: Besides, I feel as if I switched roles.
Luigi: You still can't win!
Murasame: True. But I never lose either. *suddenly jumps out of the hangar*
Luigi: Murasame! *runs to see*
~Murasame is seen flying away, just having landed on another Intergalactic Bus just then leaving~
Vorpal: Luigi... you saved us! Why?
Luigi: Actually I came to kill you and reclaim my place beside Murasame. But after his mocking, I had to defeat him.
Masamune: Well thanks, you sure saved our hides!
Luigi: Aww, it was nothing...
Masamune: Oh, was it? Okay then. Let's go finish off the aliens, Vorpal!
Luigi: Er, hey wait... I mean, stop! I serve the Ushatarian Empire now, you will all be destroyed!
Vorpal: Eh. *knocks him out with mallet* Come on, Masa!
Author: SOAP[edit]
[Halfway while the others were following Masa and Vorpal to whereever the liens were...]
Marin: Wait! Where's my brother?
Masamune: I dunno. Wasn't he with you?
Vorpal: Tch! He must've gotten sidetracked when we passed that adult bookstore.
Marin: Well then we better go back and get him.
Vorpal: No time.
Marin: Maybe you didn't hear me the first time. I said we better get back and get him.
Vorpal: Look lady, we--*doubles over after Marin knee-kicks him in the groin*
Marin: Jerk. *walks off*
~*~
[Back at the Hangar, Luigi is still passed out on the ground]
*MJ appears and helps Luigi back unto his feet*
Luigi: You...
MJ: Luigi! I finally found you.
*Luigi smiles back menacingly and punches his cousin in the stomach, sending him flying through the air*
*MJ gets up and wipes the blood of his lip*
MJ: So. It's true. You're still under the influence of the dark side after all!
Luigi: Dark. Light. Just mere nomenclature mortals use to describe things they don't understand.
MJ: Huh?
Luigi: Exactly. So I guess this is the part you try to be the "hero", get all gushy and say "Even with one good act, I'll never forgive you for soiling the family name!" and then we'll fight, you win, and hopefully I become all goody again and we all just have tea and scones and call it a day. How cliche of you MJ. But then again. You were always predictable.
MJ: Whatever. Are we going to fight or not? Battlestar Galatica comes on in half-an-hour and I don't want to miss it.
Author: Masamune[edit]
~Meanwhile, those not fighting Murasame have been captured and returned to the arena. Except a few, who escaped~
Golem: I like how everyone left to stop Murasame.
Rhyk: Yeah....
Golem: And how we got tied up.
Rhyk: That does suck.
Golem: How about that, Yami?
Yami: We knew you were in trouble, so we came to save you.
Golem: *looks at tied up hands* Good job.
~Up in the Emperor's box~
Guatemala: The OGers before you have been convicted of conspiracy to non-pizza delivery. Their death shall be served here live in front of a studio audience.
~Canned laughter~
Golem: Hey, there's no audience...
Rhyk: Worse, look!
~out of one gate walks a giant turkey~
Golem: The turkey, now mutated, from Holiday Goers! The CANNED LAUGHTER Turkey!
~a second gate opens and out plops Caykzor, only made of Carrotcake instead~
Kuria: The foul beast returns, only with a fouler flavor!
~and finally from the last one comes a pokeball... it opens up and...~
Creature: Leibermon!
Yami: I don't get it.
Golem: Must be a MMEDDP thing.
Rhyk: I've got a bad feeling about this.
Yami: You two take the one on the right, I'll take the one on the left.
Golem: What about Kuria?
Yami: Eh.
Rhyk: *looks over to see her climbing up a pillar* She'll manage I'm sure.
~they all break out of their chains which were the cheap plastic kind anyways. It is worth noting that Ushatarians can withstand most things in existence, but have no capacity for bending or breaking plastic~
Yami: Okay Caykzor. I think your one egg short of being fully baked! *creates a Dark Egg* ... man, that quip was lame. *throws egg anyways*
Cakyzor: Roar. Grrr. Fear me and such.
~With Golem and Rhyk~
Golem: *pulls off scarf* Toro, toro!
Turkey: *blinks* Oh yeah. That ain't gonna work, ya know?
Golem: Oh. Well then. *pushes Rhyk forward* Kill him.
Rhyk: With WHAT? My incredible wit? They de-armed all my defensive systems.
Golem: Well that sucks.
~With Kuria~
Leibermon: Leiber! *starts climbing pillar*
Kuria: Hey! Get your own pillar! *drops a rock on him*
~In the Emperor's Box~
Guatemala: Hey, she can'd do that! Shoot her or something.
~With Golem~
Golem: Ya! Rhyk! YA!
Rhyk: Why do you have to ride ME? *runs from turkey*
Golem: Kuria! You okay?
Kuria: No.
Golem: Jump!!
Kuria: WHERE?
Golem: Um. *points* On the turkey!
Kuria: Oh... okay. *jumps on the turkey's back*
Turkey: Man. Now that you're on top of me, I'm doomed to follow you.
Kuria: Good.
~Emperor's Box~
Guatemala: This isn't how it's supposed to be! Lobsterio, shoot her!
Lobsterio: Yessir. *points laser claw*
Uruguay: *puts tentacle on Lobsterio's claw* Patience, Guatemala. They will die.
~Suddenly, Fred falls down in front of them. After falling out of the bus, he had landed right on top of the Emperor's Box ~
Uruguay: Ah, Fred. How wonderful of you to join us.
Fred: Uh. Actually I was just, I mean. *rubs head* Sorry barf-face, this party is over!
~Coincidentally, but by no means planned, several figures beam into the arena. They are all past OGers who are not relevant to this story but appear anyways~
Uruguay: What is this?
Fred: Beats me.
Uruguay: Brave, but foolish my adversary. You're impossibly outnumbered.
Fred: Yeah, but you're ugly and that means you will lose.
Uruguay: It won't be us Ushatarians who will defeat you. *he grins* Send out the lobster-men!
~Lobster-Men start flooding the area from every possible outlet~
~After a long battle, the OGers and a few of the birds are surrounded by lobsters~
Rhyk: Hey look, there went uh. King Luigi?
Golem: May have been Oddball Mario.
Lupus: I never thought I'd die fighting side by side with losers like you.
Fred: How about fighting in the general vicinity of the losers but otherwise not included?
Lupus: Aye. I could do that.
~Suddenly the Intergalactic Bus flies over~
Rhyk: *watching TV on his wrist* The Eagles are winning! The Eagles are winning!
Lady in Red: Why are you guys still here!? Get on!
~They all board the bus and fly off. The lobster-men shrug and decide to start killing eachother instead~
Guatemala: They escaped!
Uruguay: Not for long. These earthlings have taunted us too long! Ready my private ship. We're going to end this on the battle station. What was it's name again?
Guatemala: You called it the 'Sphere of Fear'.
Uruguay: ....
Guatemala: Or... Planet Death.
Uruguay: Nah.
Guatemala: The Killing Ball? Death Moon?! Giant Hurtball?! The Deathticle!!!
Uruguay: No no no. We'll call it, I dunno, the Star of Death.
Guatemala: Impeccable taste as always, Lord Empeor.
Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
~Now in the battle in the Hangar, Luigi and MJ stare menacingly at each other. Suddenly, the floor collapses under MJ, and he is hanging over a thousand-foot drop by a few power cables.~
MJ: Ahh! Luigi!
~Luigi ponders a second, then looks down the hole.~
Luigi: Yeah?
MJ: Quick! Pull me up!
~Luigi jumps over the hole.~
Luigi: Noo... I don't think I will.
MJ: What? You're just going to leave me here?
Luigi: Well, I was going to kill you, but I like this better.
MJ: So everything was a lie!
Luigi: Yeah... wait, no... oh, yeah. ~Walks away.~
MJ: We shook hands on it!
~Luigi stops and looks back down in the hole again.~
Luigi: Ha ha... funny thing about shaking hands... ~he holds his hands down~ You can't be wearing gloves to do it! Ha ha.. okay... bye now...
~The floor collapses from under Luigi and leaves him hanging as well.~
MJ: Are you okay? Are you hurt?
Luigi: No... I don't think so...
MJ: GOOD! ~punches Luigi into the nearby wall~ That's for going back on your promise!
Luigi: ~kicks MJ~ That's for kidnapping me and taking me to your kingdom, which I'll probably go and destroy, by the way... ~eyes get big~ No touchy...
~MJ headbutts Luigi.~
MJ: Gah! I can't believe I stuck my neck out for a self-absorbed Jedi brat like you!
Luigi: Oh, I feel so bad! ~slaps himself~ Boo hoo, bad Jedi.
MJ: I should've just let you die back there, and then all of my problems would be over!
Luigi: So that makes you ugly AND stupid.
MJ: Let's do this.
Luigi: Ladies first!
~MJ and Luigi swing at each other and begin fighting. The Hangar floor collapses above them, but they don't notice. After a bit they start falling and land conveniently in a hatch that sends them into the throne room of the Star of Death.~
Uruguay: Yes! Live entertainment!
~Luigi kicks MJ away and runs for the throne, preparing his laser sword. MJ reaches for his Starsword and notices that it's not there. Luigi hands it to Uruguay, who sets it on a table next to him.~
Uruguay: Excellent. Guards! Leave us!
MJ: Oh crap...
Author: Masamune[edit]
Mario Jr: You're a good person, Luigi! Don't do this.
Luigi: Masamune once thought as you did. You don't know the power of greed and corruption. I must serve my financial benefactor.
MJ: You're breaking my heart!
Luigi: If that is your destiny...
MJ: *sighs* Then my cousin truly is dead.
Luigi: That relationship no longer has any meaning to me.
Uruguay: *suddenly speaks up* Welcome, young OGer. I was expecting you.
MJ: Really?
Uruguay: No. I was expecting pizza, but nevermind that. I'm looking forward to seeing you slapped around. Soon you will call me Lord Emperor.
MJ: You're mistaken. You won't buy me out like my cousin.
Uruguay: Oh no my dear plumber. You will find out is YOU who are mistaken.
MJ: Nuh uh.
Uruguay: Uh huh.
MJ: Nuh uh.
Uruguay: Uh huh.
MJ: Nuh uh.
Uruguay: Uh huh.
Luigi: *coughs*
Uruguay: By now you must realize that Luigi cannot be outbought. The same will it be for you.
MJ: You're wrong. Soon I'll be dead. And you too.
Uruguay: Perhaps you mean the assault on my 'Star of Death'.
MJ: Actually, I didn't. Er, what Star of Death.
Luigi: *leans over and whispers*
MJ: Oh. My friends are really going to attack it!? But... I'll die if they do!
Uruguay: Rest assured, we are quite safe form your friends. So long as they do not destroy the Shield Generator.
MJ: Your overconfidence is your weakness! Zing.
Uruguay: Your lack of fashion sense is yours.
Luigi: Oh, burn.
MJ: They'll find the Shield Generator, and you'll be killed! All of you! And not just the men, but the women and the children too!
Uruguay: What about the other two sexes?
MJ: The other two? o_O I mean, them too!
Masa: *points in the sky* Look! In the sky!
Vorpal: *sees the Star of Death* A boobie?
Masa: No, a battlestation. It must be the device they'll use to destroy the planet!
GORE: Are you sure?
Masa: No.
Marin: *joining them* It's no good. I 'interrogated' a few Ushatarians. They said it's protected by a shield generator.
Golem: Well darn. I kinda liked Earth too... Oh well, there's always other OG timelines.
Vorpal: Nay! We must find this Shield Generator. If we do, then I know of a weapon that can destroy it. Any idea what it looks like?
Marin: A box with a red button on it labelled 'Not a Shield Generator'.
Vorpal: Ooh, that's clever. *rolls eyes*
Fred: Huh, I had one of those in the Bus.
Masa: Good! Go get it!
Vorpal: The other bus. The one that crashed.
Masa: Oh...
Lady in Red: Okay! Listen up. Masamune and Fred will go back to the Hangar and search the wreckage. Vorpal, you'll have to show us that weapon.
Golem: But Battlestar Galactica is on in five!
Vorpal: *puts hand on Golem's shoulder* Sometimes we have to give up things to do what's right. Even our dreams.
Golem: *sniff* Then... I guess... I'll buy the season set.
Vorpal: Good lad, I'm proud of you.
Uruguay: Your nose is too big too.
MJ: ....
Uruguay: *taps a wad of money on the table* You want this, don't you? The hate is swelling in you. Take your pititful weapon.
MJ: ....
Uruguay: Use it! I am rich and unarmed... mostly. Strike me down with all of your hate!
MJ: No!
Uruguay: It is unavoidable. Think boy, think of the money.
~Masamune and Fred are climbing up the Hangar~
Fred: I can't.... *collapses* Too hungry... forgot... to eat... breakfast.
Masamune: *shakes head* I'm hungry too. You remember that Italian Restaurant, Mr. Fred?
Fred: No.
Masamune: It will be lunch time soon. The Friday breadstick special will be going on, with special sauce too. Do you remember the taste of the special sauce?
Fred: No Masa. *sits up and glares* I'm here starving. I can't quite recall the taste of special sauce. Or heck, the sound of violin music, and the smell of freshly cooked pizza.... I'm naked in the dark.
Masa: WHAT!? *turns around*
Fred: Not in the physical sense. I just feel like I am.
Masa: Sick.
Fred: *looks up* There's nothing. No veil between me and the giant Boobie-
Masa: Battlestation.
Fred: Whatever. I can't go on.
Masa: Fine. But still. I can't carry the bus back here. But I can carry you to it! *throws Fred over shoulders* Let us get this purely platonic relationship plot arc dissolved. Once and for all.
Uruguay: *counts money* Ten thousand, twenty thousand...
MJ: O_O
Uruguay: Good, I can feel your greed. Take your weapon, fight Luigi. The lack of an epic space battle makes me bored.
Author: GORE-ILLA[edit]
*So the Gamehikers begin scavenging through the wreckage of the first bus.*
GORE: Yami, are you even TRYING to help?
Yami: No, but I did get another pizza in the meantime.
Vorpal: Another? How many have you had today?
Yami: Don't joke, Vorpal. Many Bothans died to bring us this pizza...
GORE: Ouch. Maybe I'll have some then in their honor.
Yami: Really? I didn't know you liked pizza with Bothan meat toppings.
GORE: ...
Masamune: Hey Vorpal, what happened to those Team Missile veterans?
Vorpal: Dumped them in a ditch with their sub. Come to think of it, did I even have Team Missile in this timeline?
Masamune: Eh, the canon is a wicked mistress.
Lupus: Dammit, I hate all of this place. Especially this pit!
*Lupus flings a stone into the pit.*
Golem: Stop! I hate the pit too, but I don't think you should throw stones into it!
*Suddenly a Sarlacc's tentacle reaches up and grabs Golem around the leg as it starts to drag him down. Fred leaps over and grabs him by the hand, trying to pull him up.*
Fred: Mr. Golem!
*Fred slips and is dragged down with Golem until Rhyk catches Fred by the foot. Fred raises a gun.*
Fred: Hang on Golem, I'll blast it!
Golem: But I thought you were blind!
Fred: That was my cousin! My eye sight's slightly better then his!
Golem: Okay, just aim a little higher... higher... TOO HIGH!!! TOO HIGH!!! Lower... Higher... a little to the left... now rotate it 360 degrees.... Higher... NOW!!! NOW!!!
*Fred blasts the tentacle, and it lets go of Golem as it pulls back into the pit.*
Golem: I think you aimed a bit too low (passes out)
*Golem is taken to the infirmiry. He and Lady in Red wake up at the same time and stare into each others' eyes.*
Rhyk: You go Golem!
Golem: YOUR SKIN IS AS SOFT AS SAND, M'LADY!!!!
*Lady in Red is inexplicably wooed and makes out with Golem.*
Rhyk: Eh, that's what their authors get for bailing out on us.
Author: Masamune[edit]
~Something clicks in Masamune's head~
Masamune: Hey, I thought you guys were supposed to look for the weapon while Fred and I deactivated the shield.
Vorpal: Oh uh, well. We saw Fred fall down, so we decided to watch...
Masamune: .... how much did you see?
Vorpal: Noth-
GORE: All of it. *holds up CD* In High Definition DVD quality, surround sound too.
Masamune: I hate you all.
Author: SOAP[edit]
Uruguay: AHEM!
MJ: Huh? Oh, right.... I'd never fight my own flesh and blood for your own sick amusement, you alien scumbag!
Luigi: How about if you had to defend your own life... *whips out his laser sword* It's fully charged. It will kill you.
*Luigi charges at MJ who ducks out of the way and jumps unto the table next to Uruguay, reconfiscating his trusty blade.*
Luigi: Ha! Like that little butterknife of yours is any match for my laser sword anyways.
MJ: The Starsword can handle anything you can dish out. Bring it!
Narrator: And thus the epic battle of the century begins!
*MJ leaps down infront of Luigi. Luigi swung his laser sword at MJ's head but MJ blocks the blow with his blade. However because the laser sword was made of light it reflected off the blade's shiny surface and sliced off Luigi's arm*
Narrator: Or not...
MJ: Oops!
Luigi: Now look what you've done... you got blood all over my new boots.
*To MJ's dismay Luigi 's arm regenerated back to it's former state.
MJ: Hey! No fairs! Luigi has regenerative powers!
Uruguay: *rolls eyes* Oh wah! Cry me a river, human.
Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
Luigi: Only, you know, I don't have regenerative powers...
~The arm falls off.~
Luigi: And a laser sword wouldn't reflect, least of ways completely backwards in such a way as to cut my arm off in the first place.
~The original arm comes back.~
MJ: Quit being technical, whiner.
Luigi: This is going to take some administrative powers, obviously.
~MJ's post is teh deleted!~
MJ: What?! YOU'LL PAY!
~MJ attacks Luigi fiercely, driving him backwards.~
Luigi: Sister... So, you have a sister.
MJ: Uh, yeah. Duh. She was in like half of the OG already.
Luigi: If you will not join the Ushatarian Empire, perhaps she will!
MJ: NOOOOO! ~attacks fiercerer~
Luigi: That's right, just keep coming. A little further... Did I mention that I was deleting the post that you had already cleared?
MJ: Oh, you were? ~slows~ Okay, I guess that's acceptable.
Luigi: And that your sister is probably too annoying to join the Ushatarian Empire anyway.
MJ: That makes sense. ~stops~
Luigi: Mu ha! ~kicks MJ off the bridge~
MJ: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
~MJ is lying on the floor a foot below, still screaming.~
Luigi: Um. You can stop.
MJ: Oh.
~MJ swings the Starsword at the bridge's supports, but Luigi jumps over his head and to the floor before it can collapses in a HORRENDOUS MESS a whole foot down from where it was. MJ and Luigi begin a series of fancy sword strikes and blocks as they gradually come toward another bridge. They cross on to the bridge and fight around the center. MJ backflips away and reaches into his pocket.~
MJ: Ha ha! I knew this would come in handy! ~pulls out a fireflower and eats it~
Narrator: Fire came from his nostrils. But Luigi stood firm.
Luigi: You cannot pass. I am a servant of the Secret Fire, wielder of the flame of Goombeli. The fireball will not avail you, son of a plumber. ~swings his laser sword through the bridge~ YOU CANNOT PASS!
~They glare at each other a moment more. MJ takes a giant step forward, stomping extra hard.~
Luigi: Yeah, maybe I was supposed to cut it BEHIND you too...
~The bridge collapses under Luigi.~
Luigi: Oh for the lovva...
~As he starts to fall, Luigi catches MJ's leg. MJ trips and grabs the edge of the bridge.~
MJ: No fair!
Luigi: Just stay calm! I'll climb up and then pull you up!
MJ: How do I know you won't let me fall?
Luigi: I could give you my word as a Canadian.
MJ: No good! I've known too many Canadians!
Luigi: You're just gonna have to trust me!
~Luigi climbs up MJ and flips on to the bridge. He turns around and pounds his hands down hard on MJ's.~
Luigi: Long live the king! ~throws MJ off the bridge~
MJ: GEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!
~Uruguay approaches.~
Uruguay: Well done, my son. I guess he just wasn't cut out for our Ushatarian ways.
~Uruguay slaps Luigi on the back, causing him to accidently drop his laser sword off the bridge.~
Luigi: Not again... Murasame's gonna kill me.
~Meanwhile~
MJ: GEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!
~At the bottom of the pit...~
Ushatarian: For the last time, we did NOT order a giant trampoline.
Arab Dude: Yeah? Well ya COULDA told me that BEFORE I set it up!
~MJ slams into the trampoline and goes flying back to the bridge. Along the way he catches Luigi's laser sword.~
MJ: Booya! ~wields the Starsword and Luigi's laser sword~ I think we all know who just won here.
Uruguay: And blast it all! We've already used the electric gun joke like six times! Luigi, what do we do?
~Luigi picks up Uruguay and throws him off the bridge.~
Uruguay: AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!
Luigi: That's for making me lose my laser sword, or something.
~Actually, Luigi threw Uruguay off of the HORRENDOUS MASS that was the one foot bridge.~
Uruguay: AAAAAAAA-- what? ~slithers back to his throne~ Okay, so wanna... continue? ~notices that MJ and Luigi are gone~ Well crap, what will entertain me now? GUATEMALA!!!
Guatemala: Yes Lord Emperor?
Uruguay: Load up the cannon. I'm gonna see if there's some good chattage in #axisofebil.
Guatemala: Yes Lord Emperor.
~MJ drags Luigi to an escape pod.~
MJ: Low blood sugar, eh?
Luigi: Yeah... it's a curse. ~groans~ I think picking up that freak did a number on my back. Go on without me...
MJ: No... I'm going to save you!
Luigi: You already have, my cousin. You already have...
MJ: Really?
Luigi: No! Psyche! ~grabs his laser sword, grabs MJ's wallet, jumps in the escape pod, and is gone~
MJ: ~sniff~ I would have followed you to the end, my brother... my Jedi... my hobo... ~starts looking for another escape pod~
Author: Masamune[edit]
~Meanwhile, the OGers not in the Infirmary get towards the top of the Hangar~
~Suddenly a figure jumps down~
Hungary: Clever OGers to climb so high!
Masamune: No! Wait, how did you get here before us?
Hungary: Uhm. How did I? *pulls down map* By all accounts, it doesn't make sense. Oh well, no matter. Back to business.
Kuria: You were kicked out by the Ushatarians, do you really want to kill us!?
Hungary: Just think of it as being let go, that your body is part of a permanent out placement, that your life is going in a different direction.
Lupus: Oh wow, that's pretty cool.
Vorpal: *smirks* And how will you stop us. You're unarmed.
Hungary: Oh, but I bet you all weren't expecting this! *bends over*
OGers: Aaaaagh! NOOOoooOOooOO!
Hungary: *picks up rock*
Vorpal: Whew, oh ok.
Hungary: *throws Lupus a rock* Finish them off, and power will be granted to you.
Lupus: Uh, how?
Hungary: I dunno, your way!
Lupus: Whcih way's my way?
Hungary: Stand where you are, as soon as they get near, hit them with a ROCK!
Lupus: My way is not very sportsmanlike....
~Suddenly chibi-devil appears on Lupus's shoulder~
CD: You're not backing down now are you?
Lupus: Shouldn't there be another guy?
CD: Not for you.
Lupus: Man.
Hungary: *blinks at Lupus and turns to the others*
OGers: *shrug*
Hungary: *groans* Why did I think you could do this. This one little thing. It's like I'm talking to a monkey-
CD: Whoa now.
Hungary: A really scrawny pitiful one named LUPUS.
CD: Ouch.
Hungary: And you know what ELSE? I never liked cheesecake!
*everyone gasps*
Hungary: Never.
Lupus: Wow, you suck.
Vorpal: *hits him on the back of the head with a mallet* Come on!
Masamune: *throws arm around Lupus's shoulders* Good job man, we owe you. Thanks.
Lupus: *grins evilly* No... thank you.
~On the Star of Death~
Logging on to #axisofebil
NOT_a_gay69: helo???/
* LordCarrotCake has just joined.
NOT_a_gay69: ho r u???
LordCarrotCake: I am he who will find vengeance in GMOG3! I WILL NOT BE DENIED!
NOT_a_gay69: :O
* NOT_a_gay69 has just left.
Uruguay: Quick, check the status of GORE-ILLA. Is he still possessd?
Guatemala: Yes, Lord Emperor.... *turns back around* He is no longer possessed. We've lost our spy.
Uruguay: *waves tentacle in the air* KOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOONG!!!!!!
~Meanwhile~
MJ: I have to get off this ship! ~runs towards an escape pod, but a huge bear suddenly runs into it~
MJ: The heck. o_O Why is everyone trying to leave?
Clown: Prison break! *gets in escape pod*
???: MJ! Over here!
MJ: Is that... *runs over* Marin!
Marin: Whatever, get in the escape pod.
MJ: *bites lip*
Marin: What's wrong?
MJ: I feel I ought to do something heroic right now. Like rush in and activate the self-destruct.
Marin: Hahaha-no. *pulls him in escape pod and launches*
Attourney: *watches MJ leave* That boy was our last hope...
Goblin: Way to go, Matlock. *downs some beer* Now SCREWED we all will be.
Author: GORE-ILLA[edit]
Masamune: Wow, you finally found it!
Fred: Yeah. Who woulda guessed it was in my pocket the whole time?
Masamune: Let's make sure this works... (presses button)
Fred: Perfect! Did I also mention that it self-destructs three seconds after someone presses the button?
*The shield generator blows up in Masa's face.*
Masamune: Now that joke is horribly overdone. Well I guess it was worth it to destroy the shields. Let's go up to Vorpal and see if he has that weapon ready yet.
*Back at the hanger...*
Yami: Enough stalling! What is this "weapon" you speak of?
Vorpal: Alright, everyone, stand back as I unveil my weapon...
Kuria: Is that a frozen fish?
Vorpal: Yes! The frozen fish! The foil of all Ushatarian technology! And now there's nothing those stupid aliens can do to stop us now!
Fred: (points up) Hey look, it's the pizza guy!
Vorpal: (looks up) Rea- (Ushatarian airships begin descending) Why am I still falling for this?
*The Ushatarian airships land in a circle around the Gamehikers. Each of them opens up to reveal racks filled with rolled up Lobster-Men. As the Battle Droid theme plays in the background, the Lobster-Men drop from their racks, unfurl and stand in battle position surrounding the OGers. Masa and Fred see the Lobster-Men as they approach from a distance, then slowly back up and then just start dashing wildly away.*
Author: Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
Fred: Well crap. Looks like it's up to us to save the planet!
Masamune: Bah. I got my money. I'm out of here.
Fred: Fine. Be that way. ~pouts as Masa leaves~
~Fred turns and jumps into an intergalactic bus... ARMED WITH SALMON OF DOUBT!~
Bus driver: Hey, you're not supposed to be here!
Fred: ~throws bus driver out of the bus~ Says you.
All: Wait, Fred!
~The others approach with bits of lobster shell stuck to their mouths and chewing on a watery white meat. The whole scene screams EAT AT RED LOBSTER™ pretty much.~
Vorpal: You have my sword.
Kuria: And my bow.
Golem: And my scarf.
Fred: Aww... you guys. Get your own freakin' bus.
~They shrug and go steal intergalactic buses from various other locales.~
GORE: Let's do this!
~They fly up to the Star of Death.~
Fred: Miiiiiiinty minty fresh, it's your breath's best friend...
Guatemala: Sir! There's a fleet of buses flying towards us!
Uruguay: Very well. Show them the power of this fully operational booby.
~The Star of Death begins firing cheese beams at the buses. Lupus takes point and fires his own cheese beams at the cheese beams, causing the cheesiness to build into a rather dense area.~
Lupus: Don't fly through there guys, or you'll be prone to say something dumb.
Yami: Yeeeha!
Lupus: Fine! Just ignore me! ~flies away sulking~
~GORE's fighter starts rattling.~
GORE: Something's wrong...
Vorpal: GORE! Get out of there!
GORE: It'll stabilize! Just gimme a-- GEEEEAAAARRRRGGGGHHHH!
~GORE's bus explodes into a fireball for absolutely no reason. GORE ejects from it just in time and clings to the side of the Star of Death, completely ignoring the laws of physics.~
Vorpal: GORE! We just lost the fat guy!
GORE: I heard that!
Lady in Red: According to the scanners, the Star of Death has weakpoints at here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here, here... oh, everywhere.
Vorpal: Fire salmon!
~The buses fire a round of salmon. Several of them punch through the hull of the Star of Death and slap unlucky Ushatarians who were conveniently right behind the hull breaches. Those who are slapped curl up on the floor and moan about life in general.~
Rhyk: It's not doing enough damage! We need to locate the pivotal weak point that will blow this thing sky high!
Golem: It's already in the sky.
Rhyk: Yeah, but... nevermind.
Lady in Red: Found it! There's a port with a big neon sign that says, "DO NOT SHOOT". Oh, but it's salmon shielded.
Vorpal: Blast! We need something else...
Kuria: Cheesecake!
Yami: God, no! NOT THE CHEESECAKE!
Vorpal: It's our only hope.
Yami: I won't let you! ~flies toward Vorpal's bus~
Vorpal: Ack! Somebody get in there now!
Fred: I'm going in. Golem, Lupus, cover me!
~Fred flies toward the port, Golem and Lupus following. A cheese beam hits a very obscure part of Golem's bus that falls off anyway.~
Golem: Oh noes! I'm hit!
Fred: You were useless anyway. Get out of here.
~Golem flies away.~
Lupus: Wait! What's that following us?
Luigi: ~in escape pod outfitted with cheese beams~ I have you now!
~Luigi fires at Lupus's bus and turns it into cheese. Lupus bails out and lands next to GORE, who's holding a pack of cards.~
GORE: Texas hold-um?
Lupus: I'm game.
~Luigi continues to chase Fred.~
Luigi: Hmm... the nonsense is strong with this one... WHAT?!
Masamune: YEEEHA!
~Masamune, in an intergalactic bus, fires a salmon at Luigi, sending him spinning off into space.~
Luigi: Noooo! Oh man, I probably wasn't going to win anyway... Life sucks... ~curls into a ball and drifts toward the sequel~
Masamune: Got'cha covered kid! Now let's blow this baby and go home!
Fred: I knew you'd come for me.
Masamune: Because you stole my wallet.
Fred: Yeah.
---
~Just for convenience, MJ and Marin's shuttle picks up GORE and Lupus as it flies back to earth.~
---
~A slice of cheesecake flies into the port, past several disgruntled Ushatarians, and slaps down on top of the main control panel. Cheesecakey goodness seeps into the control panel, causing everything to overload.
~The scene flashes to a face shot of everyone, ending with Uruguay as he stares at the cheesecake...
~The Star of Death explodes, and the intergalactic buses return to earth.~