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Author: Fred

(A familliar blue hedgehog walks on stage with a pipe)

Sonic: Welcome to MOG Theatre. Take a seat. NO NOT IN THAT SECTION WE SPLIT YOU UP ETHNICALLY. Whoops, that slipped out. Are we live? Good. I'm the narrator, and your guide to the year... whatever. You know what? It's so complicated with all the time warps and author references and whatnot that pretty much who's who isn't important. Also, guest star Rosie O'Donnell...

Audience: OOOHH

Sonic: Was eaten by a ravenous fetus.

Audience: OHHHH!

Sonic: Yeah, great. Look, in our last adventure (Not yours, and you might want to read it to keep up, you hobos) Protagonists Yami Yoshi, GORE-ILLA, Ishay, Yamina, Verde, SwordMaster, Chizu, Kantii, Saru, Celest or whatever, Introbulus (at the end) Sargent Shy Guy, Legion, AaronGuy, Culex, Miss Ingrid and who knows what else went to a Tournament, due to stolen cheesecake/plot device, which GORE is now without. The whole thing was a bunch of horrible coincidences and horrible secret plans and conspiracies against the cabbage meat market and whatnot, and then they faced off against Goren, who owned that tournament and instigated the adventure. Needless to say he died.

However, his spirit in a cybernetic program was released and put Europe under martial law. That's not all that important. Also, the Arcanist was revealed to be putting back together soldiers from the MVMP and made a new incredible fighter Akujin (sp?)(i.e. the guy they barely beat in MOG6) and he died or is still there or SOMETHING. I unno. Then they went to America and defused a situation between The Fake Lupus Clone and Team Rocket Omega, therefore avenging the events of their destroying the Western civilization. Civilizations 3. They also sent constant nuisances Sir Fredrick Von Bisquick, Lithium Debater, Yahtzee Dubloons, and Monocle Lighthouse Blasphemy IIV packing into space, towards the Cheese Star, looking for the real Lupus and the New VR.

And the OGers beat up an evil spirit named Dark Cloak that rules over some weird-ass dark dimension or something and was wounded and... Someone else can explain it. Dark Cloak took the body of the incredible Bat-Ear Mihawk, but was pretty badly owned. Because there were like 12 OGers fighting at once. And these weird and powerful minons of Author 9 with Ponchos, Cowboy hats, and black trenchcoats kept showing up, at the end with Rhyk, and the OGers beat up the black trenchcoats. Big whoop.

Whew. Water break.

Author 2^234: Okay, now that's very important information, as a shot is fired that could easily destroy the Earth.

In one go.

It's not Dark Cloak's. He's having puberty problems or something now. Yeah, the cheese star mentioned earlier. Oh yeah, China's getting serious about pizOWNING the world.

However, this beam that should have obliterated the world... well, it missed. You'd think hitting a planet is easy. You'd be right. However, The Cheese Star is in it's testing phases. Do you think I'd destroy the OGers that quickly? After all that writing? Well, yeah.

Because the OGers stand as such a threat to the cheese star, and to China's War Zamboni production, assasins are sent to the respective homes of the OGers in around Japan. From both sides. Not only this, but the cheese star recharges, though it needs to tap more plains jeez hurry.

And, you know, that's not good. But something darker awakens, from the depths of the universe, something that was never meant to be. It's horrifying accordion-esque body (It's a silouette, like all villains. Shut up) Extends as it flies at uncharted speeds through the universe, creating plots holes and reality ripples in it's wake. It's glowing eyes, a colour that is so indescribable that those who try rave into lunacy, and those who see them "JUST GOTTA HAVE A WHOPPA" look fixed into Yami Yoshi's direction, as it's squeeky, raspy voice IS ALL LIKE "Noooeeoeoeo FOOORgivvvESnesSSZz... and then the screen fades to black. Yeah, and someone's stolen a cheesecake. What do you think?

Clunt Westamber: I only make westerns, kid.

Author 12: WHY ARE YOU FORCING THEM TO READ IT TO YOURS! AIYEEE! (Jumps our window)

Sonic: Be here next time, or my new strategy is casting Rasp... ON MYSELF.

Author: AaronGuy

~On Yoshi Island...~

Yami: ~Tossing and turning in bed~ Ngh... No... No! NO! ~bolts up~ Oh.. whew, just a dream... Or WAS it?

~Yami runs to his kitchen, and throws open the refridgerator door~

Yami: Ah, just where I left you, my sweet cheesecake... Wait a minute... ~touches the cheesecake, except that he cannot~ It's a hologram! Someone has STOLEN MY-

Kantii: Oh, quit your yelling. ~sitting at the kitchen table with a slice of cheesecake~

Yami: Lord Kantii? What are you doing in my house so late at night?!

Kantii: It's one in the afternoon. You invited me over last night to play Contra, then you showed off your new Holocake decoy device, then you went to bed.

Yami: Whuh.. I did? Then how come I don't remember any of that?

Kantii: Well, right before bed we had a 'ram your head against the brick wall outside the hardest' contest. I 'lost'.

Yami: Wow, that could have set off another adventure of hijinx and drama.

Kantii: Indeed. Good thing it didn't, I'd rather not have any drama for the moment.

Yami: You can say that aga-

Kantii: No.

Knock: Knock knock.

Yami: Eh? Who could be visiting right now? ~Answers the door~ Hello?

Pizza Girl: Yes, I have 25 pepperoni-artichoke-squid-onion pizzas for a Mister Yami Yoshi. ~deftly has all 25 pizza boxes balanced in her left hand~

Yami: Gah, damn kids... Sorry lady, I didn't order a pizza.

Pizza Girl: Oh, that's okay...

~The pizza box on top open, and five large daggers fly into the air. Spinning in a narrow arc, they fall on the girl's right side. She catches all five, brandishing them like a royal flush of cards~

Pizza Girl: You can pay for them with your life! ~flings the daggers at Yami~

Yami: Meep! ~closes the door, which the daggers plunge into~

Kantii: Who was that, Yami?

Yami: ~white as a sheet, despite his black skin~ I'll never eat another pizza for as long as I live!

Kantii: Er...?

~Outside, the second pizza box opens, sending the first empty one tumbling off. This time, a large spiked ball on a chain flys out of the box, ignoring the fact that it was much larger than the box it came out of. Again, it is caught by the girl as it falls. Swinging around quickly, she hurls the ball against the door, which explodes into splinters.~

Yami: Who ARE you?!

Pizza Girl: You can call me Pandora. I've been hired to eliminate you, Yami Yoshi of the OG Six. ~glances at Kantii~ Well well, a seventh wheel. It looks like my pay is going to double.

Kantii: ~undaunted~ Hired by who?!

Pandora: Let's just say theres a few people high on the conquest food chain that see you and your OG buddies as a threat. I'm sure your friends are having visits from a few of my associates as we speak. But enough plot exposition. Time to die! ~swings the ball again~

Yami: ~hurls a dark egg at the ball, swinging it backwards and out of Pandora's hand. She stumbles backwards, but the pizza boxes remain perfectly balanced~

Pandora: Gonna put up a fight, are you? ~another pizza box pops open, revealing a large sword, which is held easily by Pandora with one hand~ When I'm through with you two, they won't be able to put you back together with an instruction manual!

Author: Golem

~Pandora, still outside, swings her sword forward horizontally and through the wall of Yami's house, taking out a great portion of it and widening the doorway. As the sword makes its horizontal swing, Yami leaps up over the sword, then at the peak of his jump, flips vertically 360 degrees and rushes towards the ground. He hits the ground with such force that Pandora is thrown slightly off balance both by the momentum of her sword and the tiny earthquake caused by Yami's "ground pound." She stumbles for a second before stepping into the house and taking another swing dodged by Yami. This swing crashes into a pole holding up Yami's roof, which cracks in two and falls to the ground. Kantii immediately runs to another pole in sight and slices it with one swipe of his arm, running sharp feathers through it. It too splits in two and falls to the ground, and the house quivers as a result. With the house quivering more and more by the second, Yami throws a Dark Egg at Pandora, which she deflects using her sword. Then the roof immediately falls down upon the entire house. Kantii escapes through the front door in time, but Yami and Pandora do not.

Kantii flies over to where he sees Pandora's sword poking out and yanks the sword into his own possession. He falls down and drops the sword due to its weight, then puts one heavy foot on Pandora's torso. Kantii gets up, keeping his foot in place on Pandora, and reaches down for the many unopened pizza boxes, which he tosses aside. Yami Yoshi's head pokes out of the wreckage of the roof.~

Author: Yami Yoshi

~Kantii pins Pandora to the floor with his foot and presses the pointy end of a black feather against her throat.~

Kantii: All right, time for interrogation! Who are you and where are you from?

Pandora: …

Kantii: Answer me if you value your esophagus!

Pandora: …

~Pandora melts into a puddle of nacho cheese beneath his foot.~

Kantii: What the?! A doppelganger?!

~The real Pandora springs out from an unopened pizza box behind Kantii and knocks him flat on the floor. This time, it is Pandora who pins Kantii down with her foot.~

Pandora: Hee hee hee…looks like the tables have turned! ~whips out a pizza cutter~ However, I have no need for interrogation! My master already knows everything about you and your friends!

Kantii: What? Who is this master of yours?

Pandora: Hee hee…you’ll never find out now! ~raises arm~ Die!

~Pandora swings the pizza-cutter down towards Kantii’s throat, but her hand is intercepted by a Dark Egg. The pizza cutter twirls through the air and embeds itself into a portrait of Yami Yoshi on the wall.~

Kantii: A little late, Yami!

Pandora: Damnit!

~Pandora backflips off of Kantii’s back to dodge another Dark Egg and lands in front of last unopened pizza box. The pizza box pops open and a pizza-shaped UFO hovers out.~

Pandora: Hmph, you OGers are persistent fools! I will let you two live for now, but only so you can live to witness your planet’s apocalypse!

Yami Yoshi: Apocalypse?!

Pandora: Hee hee hee...a downpour of cheese and destruction will rain down from the heavens and bring this planet to its end! That day is soon, OGers! It may be next month…it may be next week…it may be tomorrow…it may be today!

~The UFO hovers above Pandora.~

Pandora: Oh well, no matter how much time you have, there’s nothing you can do to stop it! Hasta la pasta, OGers!

~The UFO releases its tractor beam and sucks Pandora inside before smashing through Yami Yoshi’s roof and disappearing into the starry night.~

Yami Yoshi: Whew…what a mess…Oh well, I’ll have the Pharaoh clean it up...

Pharaoh: ~inside Yami Yoshi’s mind~ Haha! Fat chance!

Yami Yoshi: Hey! Just be happy I’m not charging you rent for possessing my body!

Pharaoh: Does saving your ass in several battles count as rent?!

Yami Yoshi: No.

Pharaoh: Why you little…!!

~Yami Yoshi starts uncontrollably slapping himself.~

Yami Yoshi: Ow! Ow! Stop it! Stop it!

Kantii: Um, sorry to interrupt, but where the hell were you for like, half the battle?!

Yami Yoshi: Oh…sorry…I thought you had run outside after the roof collapsed, but when I peeked my head through the roof and checked, no one was there! Well, except for an unconscious old man…

Kantii: “Unconscious old man”?

Voice: Ugh…someone help me…

~An elderly, door-shaped man crawls on all fours through the hole in Yami Yoshi’s wall.~

Yami Yoshi: Whoa, who or what the hell are you?

Elderly Door-Shaped Man: My name is Knock. Please…help me…

Author: GORE-ILLA

*GORE-ILLA the cyborg gorilla rushes through a cave as a giant boulder chases him. The boulder was quickly gaining, but the light at the end of the tunnel came faster, and a second later GORE had leapt out of the cave near his jungle home.*

GORE: Eh, a shortcut's a shortcut.

*GORE runs over to a giant tree and climbs up to the furniture and other stuff hidden beneath the thick mane of leaves. GORE lounges in a branch with the bananas he had left his home to forage for.*

GORE: This is the life!

Chizu: (blonde Asian woman) You bet!

GORE: Gah! (leaps up and hits his head on an above branch) Chizu, what are you you doing here?

Chizu: Just thought I'd stop by! I heard you had a nice jungle home, and you know how I am about nature!

GORE: Oh, well nice of you to drop by. So how do you like-

*Suddenly he's interupting as the entire tree shakes with the sound of a loud "TWACK!".*

GORE: What's going on?

Chizu: (suspiciously) That's the sound of an axe!

*Down below, EVIL Scientist Dude operates XB-0TT, who has morphed into an automatic axe-wielding machine. The rest of Team Monkey is nearby, each hoping to play an actual role in the story.*

EVIL Scientist Dude: Ha! I told Lupus we'd do better then any two-bit assassin, and do you think he doubts me now?

Bullwinkle: (shrugs)

*GORE's tree home finally falls over, dumping GORE and Chizu into a camoflaugfed hole in the ground. The hole is then covered by a metallic lid, and is revealed to actually be a giant pod. The pod floats out from the ground with GORE and Chizu trapped aboard.*

Mousie: Mission accomplished, mon!

*GORE Primate Punches a hole in the side of the pod.*

EVIL Scientist Dude: Dammit! I thought that pod could contain them!

Diskun: Well it would have if you would have put out some extra cash for a Strongerthanyounium pod like I suggested.

EVIL Scientist Dude: Shut up! Team Monkey, attack! On Mousie, on Bullwinkle, on XB and MON-KILL! On Mecha-Pinchy and Ol' Bessie, on Donner and Diskun!

Diskun: There is no Donner.

*A long pause. Finally EVIL Scientist Dude slaps Diskun.*

Author: Youma Ganon

Youma Ganondorf wakes up, and is startled to see that there is a swirly black hole in the middle of his castle. He goes to investigate what has happened. He sees several of his minions look at it, and get sucked in. While trying to save his minions, he gets sucked in. He lands face first on the concrete of a Japanese road. He sees that his minions are around him. Youma says," Where am I?"

"You are in Kyoto, Japan. And who would you be?" a Japanese man asked.

"I am Youma Ganondorf Quagmirt, grandson of Ganondorf Dragmire, one time ruler of Hyrule!" answered the angered Youma. "And who the hell would you be?"

"My name is Shigeru Miyamoto. I welcome you to Japan," said Miyamoto.

"Japan, hmmm... This place looks cool. I think I'll take it," said Youma.

"Uhh..sir. You cannot just take Japan. We have an emperor," said Shiggy.

"Ok. I shall kill him. Where is he located?" interrogated Youma.

"NO NEED TO KILL, MISTER! I would be the Emperor. Here, take Japan," said Shiggy.

Just then, Youma decided he would take over this strange planet.

Author: Legion

Meanwhile, deep in darkest Britain, a shadowy figure reaches for an instrument of dire potential...

*thwack*

"Oww," muttered Sergeant Shy Guy, clutching at his head.

"It's a phone box in Stockport, you twit," muttered Legion, putting the crowbar away. Scowling, the Sergeant picked up the phone, ignoring the numerous shards of broken glass on the floor left by the gaping hole in the side of the call box. Rummaging through his pockets he brought out a handful of change and placed each coin one by one into the machine, just to watch them drop back out the other end.

"Hey, Sir?" asked the Shy Guy. "Does the Tardis have a phone?"

"Look, shut up about that, will you?" hissed Legion. "I know it's a good show, but there isn't really a Doctor Who. Now get on with calling whoever you're meant to be. I forget now."

"Aww... Then what's that then?"

• That would be a postbox, you eejit."

"Ah."

"Then what's that?"

"Plothole."

The two watched as the shimmering rip in space-time shot across the sky like a drunken pigeon, narrowy avoiding the viaduct before whirling off into the stratosphere.

"That?" asked the Sergeant, after a pause.

"That would be an assasin," replied Legion, dodging aside as the cloaked attacker swung at him with a long thin blade. "And who are you then?" asked Legion.

"My name is unimportant," hissed the assasin. "Your deeds have brought you to the attention of my master. You present a threat to them. Thus, I'm..."

"Afraid you can't be allowed to live much longer," interrupted Legion. Yes, been there, done that, got the bloody T-Shirt and soundtrack."

"Oi, shut up!" shouted the assasin, in a distinctly unmysterious tone. "You were meant to be in Japan! I 'ad to spend thousands trackin' you down." Regaining his composure, the assasin smoothed his robes and reverted to the deathly hiss. "But that matters not. I have found you now, and rest assured, you will not escape."

"Oh really," replied Legion, eyebrows raised. Unsheathing a sword which hadn't been there previously, Legion swung it in an arc to the side. As the fabric of reality flopped open like cloth, Legion grabbed the Sergeant and stepped through. "Bye now!" he shouted through the closing portal. Legion smiled as he watched the furious assasin standing in the centre of the pigeon-infested town fade from view.

"So, what now?" asked the Sergeant.

"Well," replied the ghostly Shy Guy. "Now we vomit profusely as the plothole bounces us around the Universe and deposits us in a place convenient to whoever decides to post about us next."

"Oh yeah," said the Shy Guy, ignoring the obvious breach of the Fourth Wall.

As the world faded to a bright white light, Legion braced himself against the 'wall' of the plothole.

"I hate this bit," he growled softly, as the portal shot off into eternity.

Author: Lupus

Narrator: And at that very moment, the skies over Tokyo turned pitch black as if to indicate some sort of terrifying event was about to happen, but unless you count a rainstorm as a terrifying event then not really. See, the main reason this bit of text is even here is because I really had no way to start this thing off. It worked effectively until I completely revealed my cheap idea and crushed it under the weight of taking all the weight off of it.

None of this sky darkening business was very relevant up in space, however. Which is exactly where we will go to next after I finish this sentence with an ellipsis...

*In space, four rocket ships blast towards a gigantic sphere of cheese in the distance*

Fred: Red 1, do you read me Red 1?

Lithium: Who is Red 1?

Fred: I don't know.

Yahtzee: I'm Red 1.

Lithium: Are you sure?

Yahtzee: I think I am Red 1. Maybe I am Red 3.

Monocle: No, I'm Red 3.

Fred: Yahtzee must be Red 2 then.

Lithium: We don't have a Red 2.

Yahtzee: Why don't we have a Red 2? We have a Red 1 and a Red 3.

Lithium: No one thought to have a Red 2.

Yahtzee: Well it sort of goes without saying...

Fred: What am I again?

Lithium: No one cares who you are.

Fred: That wasn't funny Blue 9.

*meanwhile on board the Cheese Star*

Darth Lundgren: Sir Sur! The soldiers are rioting about our racist stormtrooper costumes! They demand coloured ones!

Sir Sur: Kill them! We have no time for games unless it is Clay Fighter! Arm the weapons, we have rockets approaching six o clock!

Darth Lundgren: It's five o clock sir.

Sir Sur: Oh, so it is. Tea break then.

Darth Lundgren: Do I still arm the weapons?

Sir Sur: No you leg the weapons, what do you think?! You make me so mad sometimes! I would suffocate you with my bare hands if I weren't holding these two cups of coffee!

Darth Lundgren: You heard him, men. Arm the weapons, and get ready to fire!

Lupus: Absolutely not!

Darth Lundgren: Huh?

Lupus: Don't fire! What if they are rocket ships bringing us presents of love and happiness or something? What then?

Darth Lundgren: I hadn't thought of that.

Lupus: That's why I don't pay you to think!

Darth Lundgren: You don't pay me at all.

Lupus: That is beside the point though!! In fact it's so far beside the point that if the point was in America, that would be on Mars!! That's how much it is beside the point! Where is Koopa?

Darth Lundgren: I don't know sir.

Lupus: He is now in charge while I visit Earth. I am going to go down this magic staircase here.

*goes down staircase in the Cheese Star's bridge, which as he walks down teleports him seamlessly to the top of a staircase in his Imperial Presidential Imperial Presidential Crossover Imperial thingy palace, Japan*

Lupus: Home sweet home! But I am wondering what that strange looking man is doing sitting in my expensive gold chair. You there!

*Youma looks up from his stolen throne*

Lupus: You strange looking man! What are you doing sitting in my expensive gold chair?

Youma: I am sitting in it because if I were standing on it I would look silly!

Lupus: I don't like the tone of your voice.

Youma: That's good because I don't like the tone of YOUR FACE! I am the great Youma, now ruler of Japan!

Lupus: Oh, so you're Youma? I've heard so much about you.

Youma: You have?

Lupus: I just said I did! Why do you ask me again?

Youma: I wanted to test your patience to see if you are worthy of being my slave.

Lupus: Youma, I don't like you. Nobody likes you. Everybody hates you. Nobody likes you and everybody hates you. Now come over here so I can break your legs!

*Youma jumps up and whips out his sword*

Youma: Enguarde!

Lupus: You like sitting on chairs huh do you? I WILL PUT YOU IN A FREAKING CHAIR!

*Lupus does karate and two seconds later Youma is dead.*

Lupus: Youma is now dead!

Youma: I'm not dead.

*Youma is not dead*

Youma: My legs are now broken though.

*Youma's legs are broken*

Youma: Beyond repair.

*Youma's legs are broken beyond repair*

Youma: And it quite hurts actually. The great Youma never cries!

*Youma starts crying*

Lupus: So you see, I am still the king! That was so cool because I am like, like FUSION or something! I didn't even have to write a whole paragraph to put Youma out of commission.

Youma: This is not the end of me, you fiend! This is only the BEGINNING! I will be more evil than you, just you wait!

Lupus: Oh sure. While you're pulling yourself across the floor here to the door I'll just be off to destroy Britain. I'll be right back though.

Narrator: Pinball ROCK!!

*Everyone mentioned in the post so far starts playing pinball for reasons unexplained*

Author: Fred

(Twenty minutes later, Youma Ganon, president of Japan was rushed to the hospital for evil meglomaniacs and assorted hateful people and Jenny Craig Diet Bowling alley)

Youma: How is it, doctor?

Doctor: I'm afraid you have herpes. ALIEN HERPES!

(An alien comes out of Youma's chest)

Youma: Why me?! I'll never rule Japan with an iron fist now!

Doctor: April fools! It was only srping loaded.

Youma: You do that again, and something very bad will happen to your family.

Doctor: I don't hav-

Youma: Your real family.

Doctor: How did you find out?

Youma: You left your life's diary on the bedside table and I was in the mood for light reading.

Doctor: Yeah, that explains where that went. Well, your legs are broken. BEYOND REPAIR. And... we can't give you metal ones since you're not going to become a state alchemist.

Youma: Come again?

Doctor: You're in perfect shape for evil, and with a few rehabilitation sessions, you'll be back out in this baby! (Holds up a dangling child) Whoops, that's the one that's irreversibly got attached to my hand during the "spank of life incident". Nope, I meant this wheelchair, since WE HAVE NO BABIES they're just not damn evil enough or bowling on a diet anymore. (pulls back curtain number one, to show a tiny wheelchair)

Youma: I am going to crush all resistance on THAT?

Doctor: It's Japan. Things are small. Get over it. That'll be 2487294 yen, or free.

(two sessions later)

Youma: Remember - I'm handi-CAPABLE of DESTRUCTION! This is going to take some getting used to. Considering the stumps of legs I had are surgically attached to this thing.

(In space, the final Frontier... YOUR FINAL FRONTIER! OH!)

Koopa X: Bring me the butter, they need to VISUALIZE!

Wesus Whrist: But sir, we're fresh out of power of the blast doors.

(The four rockets approach, but in the ensuing border crossing exams, sadly Yahtzee Dubloons and Monocle Lighthouse Blasphemy IIV fail and are sent to THE PHANTOM ZONE on YTV)

Fred: Who runs this drama bar? ONLY TWENTY CALORIES

Lithium Debater: I sell twenty bars of iron.

Passer Buy: I accept your pepsi challenge. You start a buisness in the deepest, darkest reaches of-

Fred: (Guitar solo)

Lithium Debater: That's not way past cool. (Han solo)

Lieutenant Don Perrignon: I am a champagne. I will take you to the master's quarters and nickels (bad restaurant) using the dumbwaiter.

Waiter: Shut up, I got higher marks on the SATs than you!

LDP: But I graduated before you! IN FACT ONE YEAR BEFORE! AND I'M ONLY A MONTH OLDER THAN YOU

Waiter: I'm born in January.

LDP: Exactly, because I-

(You know, that's a great thing to discuss OUTSIDE CLASS. Regardless, Fred and Lithium meet the parents and also Koopa who sits on a throne made of KRYTONITE)

Koopa X: I'm sorry, your leader is in another parcheezi game. Call back later.

Fred: Of course. Now when you wish upon a star...

Lithium Debater: You missed the earth, carnival-face-r. Why's everyone here HAVE A NAME

Koopa X: Well, it's all a sham.

(Pretty much the whole Cheese Star falls over, because it's a backdrop)

Fred: Lacerating toothpickers from Alf guest appearance fan directioning!

Lithium Debater: So everyone is-

(The crew all take off costumes to reveal midgits)

Koopa X: And with this fake cheese star mounted with a giant laser, I will crush humanity, and Lupus, for all that he's done to me!

Fred: Halogen shatmucks, batman! He's not Koopa X!

Koopa Xtreme: Correct. I am from some alternate universe or something, and I have decided to take revenge! Say goodbye to your precious planet.

Fred: Hello. No, that's not it. Go-hi. Good- Friday. Look, this is a little hard for me.

Koopa Xtreme: Well I sure as hell can't fire till you say it.

(Back with YY)

Yami Yoshi: Yeah, you're an old man. And a door.

Knock: You could open me up.

YY:Super.

Kantii: Can we even use you?

Knock: Well, I connect to any of the wooden doors in the known and unknown universe.

Yami: Okay, sure. Because of such a random and dangerous attack, let's go see GORE. As I always do. SHUTUP YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO SAY WORDS.

Kantii: Although this is a time paradox in accordance with the posts being in cronological order, I found out that Japan had been taken over by someone.

Yami: Lupus?

Kantii: You'd think that, wouldn't you.

Author: AaronGuy

Yami: Well yeah, since Lupus is kind of a big bad guy-

Kantii: Right, I get it.

Yami: And we didn't REALLY deal with him last time-

Kantii: I said I GET IT.

Yami: And a few posts up you can see him talking about-

Kantii: *hits Yami over the head with Knock* ENOUGH. Now, lets go see if any of the other OGers were attacked, or are currently being attacked, in such a violent and unsuspected manner.

Yami: All right. Knock, you said you could conncect to any wooden door, right?

Knock: Correct.

Yami: *sets Knock upright* Well, do you know if GORE has a closet or something?

Knock: Let me check. *just stands there for a couple of seconds* You're in luck. He lives in a tree, so he has a lot of wooden things. Including a closet door.

Yami: Great! C'mon Kantii, let's go! *opens Knock*

Knock: OH GOD MY CHEST

Yami: GAH! I'm SO sorry!

Knock: Ah, just messing with you. It doesn't hurt. Now hurry through, I feel a draft.

*Yami walks through Knock, followed by Kantii*

Kantii: Wait, how will we be able to come back after this is-

*Slam.*

Kantii: Great...

*The two walk out of the closet into GORE's tree home... or at least they try to. Instead they tumble onto their heads, since the whole tree is now laying on its side.*

Kantii: Ouch... Something tells me GORE was attacked.

Yami: *peers out a window* Looks like GORE still IS being attacked! By Team Monkey!

Kantii: Who?

Yami: Another group of villians with weird names. They seem to concentrate on GORE alot.

Kantii: You guys are good at making enemies.

Yami: Hey, hate the game, not the playa.

Kantii: ...What.

Yami: Not important. What IS important is helping GORE. C'mon!

Author: Golem

~Blastoff in 3...
2...
1...
In Houston, Texas of what used to be known as USA, a space shuttle is blasted into the air by an attached rocket. Contrary to Team Rocket Omega's plans, a small robot sits in the cockpit, without any carbon-based life forms on board. This robot's name is Rhyk. And the space rocket is heading straight for the Cheese Star.

Meanwhile, in the general vicinity GORE-ILLA's jungle home...

GORE leaps from the hole in the pod on top of MON-KILL, tackling him in the process. Chizu jumps out as the pod falls to the ground, landing on Bullwinkle's back and kicking it to help her hit the ground running towards GORE's fallen treehouse. MON-KILL throws GORE off and turns around to pick up the pod. GORE gets up just after MON-KILL throws the pod over his head at GORE. The pod is blasted back towards MON-KILL by a barage of Dark Eggs, and he barely manages to dodge the pod. As MON-KILL is dodging the pod, GORE manages to score a mean right hook on MON-KILL's head. A final barage of Dark Eggs rains upon the pod on top of MON-KILL just before Mousie runs up on top of GORE's house, where Yami stands, and grabs Yami Yoshi's neck from behind.

Down below, on the jungle floor, Kantii and Chizu stand back to back. Bullwinkle throws a punch at Chizu, who ducks under it. The punch ends up hitting Kantii, who was jumping over Diskun. Kantii falls to the ground and kicks Diskun out of the way of Chizu. Kantii gets up immediately and backs himself into Chizu (their backs facing each other). He grabs her hands and raises them into the air, then bends down to flip Chizu into a horizontal position, from where she tries to kick Bullwinkle, but misses as he ducks. Kantii swings Chizu horizontally to the left, then swings her to the right as he leans slightly upward, kicking Diskun in the face and Bullwinkle in the stomach. Bullwinkle doubles over.~

Chizu: Phew! What do you call that move?

Kantii: Thermopylae...

~Mousie falls right on top of Bullwinkle, beaten.~

Yami: ~still standing on top of GORE's house~ Well, that seems to be everyone!

~GORE's house cracks in half at the middle (the two halves slanting downwards towards the ground), and Yami falls towards the middle. After he sees that Mecha-Pinchy is waiting at the bottom, though, he rapidly hits his feet against the tree trunk in an effort to run up it. He looks to the top and finds that he is cornered by Ol' Bessie and X-B0TT. Before Yami can think of what to do, an assassin (similar in appearance to the one that attacked Legion) whizzes by, tackling both Ol' Bessie and X-B0TT to the ground. Yami gets to the top and ground-pounds the trunk, launching Mecha-Pinchy into the air.

Another assassin grabs EVIL Scientist Dude and knocks him out. Between all the commotion, everyone notices the assassin only in time to see him/her/it run deep into the jungle (ESD in tow), taking a path with a massive amount of plantlife so as to disappear into the plantlife.~

Author: Vorpal

What occured next was so coincidental that it was not coincidental at all. In fact, it was planned so exactly that there could be no flaws. There was in fact a flaw, which coincidentally achieved the same effect that the original plan would have had, except for the effects that it did happen to change.

A lone girl was strolling through the thick jungle which the assassin carrying ESD was currently running into. Her name was Kuria Eiren. A girl of the forest, she had spent most of here time for the past decade or so away from civilization. The last people she had seen were a group called the Partiers or something like that... it was a long time ago....

Suddenly the assassin carrying ESD runs into Kuria knocking the three onto the ground of the jungle.

At the exact moment of impact, a seemingly unrelated event happened in space above the atmosphere of the Earth.

Rhyk had just passed the last of Earth's atmosphere and was heading for the Cheesestar. An unexpected sun flare seven minute previously sent a wave of radiation that, now without the protection of the atmosphere of the Earth, penetrated the space ship Rhyk was in, and more importantly, penetrated Rhyk himself. A specific wave of radiation happened to match perfectly with one spirit that was dormant inside of Rhyk.

What connected these two events is not clear but Vorpal woke up on the same jungle floor that the three had fallen to.

Vorpal: Wow.. How long have I been asleep... *eyes begin to focus* Hmm... a forest of some kind... I wonder how long I've been out.. *moves arm up to look at his digital watch, but is met with an arm not his own* What the? *suddenly notices something sticking out from his chest and grabs them* I never noticed these before *then notices the lack of ~ahem~ equipment down below* HOW LONG HAVE I BEEN OUT!?!?

Vorpal quickly stands up and notices that he's much shorter than he remembers, too. He looks to the ground from where he lay... a scientist with weird hair and a Japanese man in robes that reminded Vorpal of an assassin...

Suddenly A voice came from Vorpal's mouth that he couldn't control, and sounded very feminine.

Kuria: Ow... my head.... *Vorpal's arm that didn't look like Vorpal's arm reached for his head and scratched* Why did I wake up standing up?

Vorpal: I think you mean, why am I standing up... and who are you and what are you doing in my body... well... at least what's left of my body?

Kuria: What are you talking about? *Kuria couldn't believe that she was having a conversation with a male voice coming from her own mouth*

Vorpal: Look... I dunno how I got these or lost this *touches them for emphasis*

Kuria: *smacks her own hand* Don't touch those!

Vorpal: If you would at least tell me what happened...

Kuria: Nothing happened! These two guys ran into me, and I wake up with a male voice talking from my own mouth!

Vorpal: You mean... this body doesn't seem different to you in any way?

Kuria: Nothing's different except for YOU!

Vorpal: So you're saying... I'M TRAPPED IN A GIRL'S BODY!!! I'm entrigued and slightly aroused... or.. *glaces down* or at least would be...

Kuria: STOP SAYING THINGS LIKE THAT!

Vorpal: Sorry! Sorry!

---
If that's too risque I can delete some of it...

Author: Golem

~The assassin, carrying ESD rather than killing him, ran right past Kuria, then stopped after 20 yards or so. Kuria had turned around to look at the assassin, who was at 20 yards away almost invisible. Then he completely vanished.

Far underground, the assassin landed in a cave (lit by lamps and ceiling lights) safely, with ESD still in tow. In front of him is a giant screen.~

~The screen lights up. Soon a face similar to Phil the Gnome's appears on the screen, only with a gruff green beard.~

Green bearded gnome: Fool! How goes the assassinating, bud?

Fool (the assassin): Not gud, sir. Nobody knows who these guys are.

Green bearded gnome: Weird. A cool opportunity at the same time, though. Fool, I'm sending you a fax. Feed its code into your left arm, and you'll be able to locate and identify the soul of a dude named "Hades," which is easily done because his soul has a special heat signature. Kill the bearer of the soul, and you'll have the soul for use. You need the soul of Hades so you can tell who all has a soul on Earth. Less than half the population has souls, but I'm certain that the warriors we're looking for will have souls. That'll narrow down your search a lot. In the meantime I'll be working on better ways to find 'em.

Fool: Yessir.

Green bearded gnome: Oh, and what's that creepy guy doing here?

Fool: ~points to EVIL Scientist Dude~ This guy?

Green beared gnome: Yeah.

Fool: I'm gunna torture him for info on the OGers, sir.

Green bearded gnome: So you're just torturing random people to see if they know anything?

Fool: Basically, sir. I've already tortured tons o' others who know nuttin'.

Green bearded gnome: Awesome. Keep it up. Oh, and my boss Lupus says "Hi."

Author: Fred

(Near GORE's pad, Chizu, Yami, and Kantii knock out the remaining surrendering X-BOTT and Ol'Bessie. GORE hears someone slapping something, and decides to investigate before anymore sneak attacks occur.)

GORE: If I'm not back in twenty minutes... then wait longer.

YY: (lies down, tired) Will do!

(GORE runs through the forest quietly, sneakily, and then steps on an airhorn. He hits himself for forgetting about it, and then he finds the source of the commotion, who is hitting herself.)

Vorpal: Hey, I didn't mean it! Stop hitting us!

Kuria: I'll stop when you get out!

GORE: -This... this is not a problem that can be overcome with simple therapy, methinks.

Vorpal: Wait, shut up! Someone's here! (Reaches for his sword, but touches the side of his stomach, then realising he's normally taller anyways, and that the sword is absent)

Kuria: Are you going to stop touching me?

GORE: Um.

Kuria: Oh, there is someone.

Vorpal: Name yourself!

GORE: Yeah. You know, you hav-

Vorpal and Kuria at the same time: YES, we know that! Who are you, anyways?

GORE: (awkward silence)... mrph... GORE-ILLA, I guess...

Vorpal: Good! Get lost! As you can see, we've got a little problem here!

Kuria: I think I know you, you're the one playing all the video games IN THE MIDDLE OF A FOREST.

(Kantii and Chizu run up, carrying a Yami Yoshi who is eating some of GORE's food)

YY: Mare mearMlright MGrompRE? (chomp)

GORE: I'm fine. I can't say that for these two, though...

Chizu: GORE, are you sure you're alright? I only see one person...

Vorpal: Right, one person.

(Everyone stares)

Kuria: I can't believe you didn't just let me talk.

Yami Yoshi: That's... that's super. Hey wait, the man's voice is familiar!

GORE: Wait, you're absoloutely right! I spoke with him while I was possesed by a bunch of spirits in MOG4. Or at the very least, heard him. Or something.

Vorpal: Oh yeah, you. IF it helps, I'm Vorpal.

GORE: This still explains one out of twenty of our current dilemas.

Kuria: I guess I have very little choice whether he follows you or not, so I'm Kuria Eiren.

(Meanwhile, In Europe (more accurately England))

Patroling robot: Life form detected. Systems activated. Fire? (Y/N/F)

Lupus: What have we here?

Patroling robot: Citizen, I inform you that Europe is under martial law, so-

Lupus: I resent that, I'm not European. In fact, I'm going to cry if you don't apoligize right now, jerkface.

Patroling robot: But... WHERE HAS MY PROGRAMMING GONE WRONG! (The robot quickly explodes)

Lupus: I'm still crying.

(About twenty minutes more of this, later)

Lupus: Wahhh! There, there's nothing like a good cry.

Another Patroling Robot(ANOTHER WAS HIS GRANDFATHER'S MIDDLE NAME): Non-citizen creature, you've rusted my gamma-radiation beam of early Greek Scripture.

Lupus: Exactly! WHICH IS WHAT YOU ARE ABOUT TO BECOME!

(Lupus sells the rusted robot on E-bay for fifty gold NOW HE CAN BUY AN EPIC MOUNT, or just a BOMB DEFUSAL KIT or something else that is a purchasable item I am quoting from some game)

Lupus: Yeah. Anyways, OFF TO THE CORE.

(Lupus makes it to THE CORE, and a very, very large humanoid robot stands in his way. It looks like a giant frisbee-holding John Candy)

Robot that looks like a giant frisbee-holding John Candy: Time to pay. Target locked.

Lupus: X-zone. Great, now I don't get the esper.

Robot that looks like a giant frisbee-holding John Candy: I'm immune to that, I'm afraid. YOU'LL HAVE TO GET MY ESPER!

Lupus: Then can you save me the trouble and just give it to me, since you know it is inevitable?

Robot that looks like a giant frisbee-holding John Candy: Sure, one sec. Okay, I'm a little stone. Oh, oh, and now you're just walking out on me? This is just great. Well, I'm a missable item, bub!

(Lupus walks into the main complex, reaching THE CORE)

Theodorik Loki: Haha, You thought you could beat me, in my territory? And now you come to challenge me in my own Virtual reality? Since that's the only way to stop my software versions around the world from obtaining new commands?

(Lupus pulls out the network cable from THE CORE and runs an anti-Virus)

Theodorik Loki: No... no... NO!

(He is obliterated quickly by the program)

Lupus: THIS WAS A GREAT SIDE ADVENTURE I MET ALL SORT OF FRIENDS INCLUDING JENNIFER ANASTIN OR WHATEVER

(Suddenly, The Anarchist rises through a hole in the ground with a rebuilt Skelegon)

Skelegon: Rawr.

Lupus: Cheese ray.

(Skelegon dies)

Lupus: Cheese ray squared. In fact, dangerously cheesy.

The Anarchist: I knew you'd come, you damn dirty ape! Everything was for naught! (Is also turned into cheese, except he is parmesan and easily crumbles into nothing)

Lupus: How many countries do I have, now? All of them?

(Suddenly, TRO bombs the building, trapping Lupus under a wax statue of Sean Connery)

Lupus: Curses! Cheese star, beam me up! Well, space is actually I guess dependant on which way your facing, and planets and such are always moving, so- (Lupus is beamed STRAIGHT up five meters, out of the rubble, and then dropped again)

Lupus: Ow, I think something's sprained. Thanks a lot. Koopa! KOPPA!

Koppa: Yo?

Lupus: It... was supposed to be a nickname variation for Koopa, but you RUINED IT

Koopa Xtreme: Bwahaha! Lupus, you know, the cheese star is ever so ready to fire.

Fred (In background): Ready Spaghetti!

Koopa Xtreme: Quite.

Lupus: You're supposed to be fixing that damned ski lift.

Koopa Xtreme: Oh yeah, I gotta do that- wait a second. I AM NO LONGER KOOPA, I AM KOOPA XTREME!

Lithium Debater (In background): He even changed his name on the script. You can see it.

Lupus: Okay, great. Why aren't you doing anything about him?

Fred: We're... grounded! We don't want to get in any more trouble!

Lupus: But you could end up in a movie called "Detention" if you do something violent! Think of the press!

Lithium Debater: You're right. Koopa Xtreme, WE CHALLENGE YOU TO MARIO PARTY.

Koopa Xtreme: Oh, I can never resist that, CONSIDERING I'M SUCH A PRO AHAHAAHAH

(two long hours later)

Koopa Xtreme: Oh come on, hitting that question mark tile was a complete fluke. I challenge you to Mortal Kombat! I mean Combat. No, actually I'm just sending you to the cells. Sir Sur, FIRE THE "laser"! Huyahaahahaah!

Sir Sur: The "laser" is pointed right at you, sir.

Koopa Xtreme: Oh yeah. In that case, FIRE TEH CHEESE RAY!

Sir Sur: TEH CHEESE RAY is non functional. Do you wanna play again?

Koopa Xtreme: Just... fire the cheese ray. Do this for me. And aim this time.

(The Cheese Star fires a beam at Earth, which begins to vaporize the southern Polar cap)

Koopa Xtreme: Wait a tic, what am I going to do when Earth is gone?

Wesus Whrist: We have Scrabble.

Koopa Xtreme: Very well, CARRY ON! HuahaahahHAH@H!! FREAKAZOID!

Author: AaronGuy

Koopa Xtreme: BWAHAHAHHAHAKEKEKEKAHAHAHHA! I can't believe this plan is actually going to work! Earth will truly be destroyed!

Sir Sur: Again?

Koopa Xtreme: Right, again. Now laugh! Laugh with me! MUAHAHAH-

Wesus Whrist: Hold on a second, Sir.

Sir Sur: What?

Wesus Whrist: I mean Koopa.

Koopa Xtreme: What is it?

Wesus Whrist: The cheese ray's power.... isn't exactly what it should be at the moment.

Koopa Xtreme: What are you talking about?! It has the power of a thousand suns! Made of cheese!

Wesus Whrist: Well, at the moment, it's firing at the power of a dozen tanning booths. Made of cheese.

Koopa Xtreme: What? Why?!

Wesus Whrist: Well, I can't be too sure, but I'm assuming something's wrong with the ray's powering unit.

*Meanwhile, outside the Cheese Star, Rhyk's rocket has crashed into the side of the Cheese Star, severely damaging a part that says 'ACME Cheese Star Powering Unit'.

Rhyk: *attempts to say something dramatic and foreboding, but is muffled by the rocket's airbag*

*back inside*

Koopa Xtreme: Well, is it still strong enough to destroy the Earth?

Wesus Whrist: Well, it's still punching a hole through the planet. When it reaches the creamy heavy metal core, we'll let the magma do the rest of the work. Lemme see how long that will take... *Takes out an etch-a-sketch*

Koopa Xtreme: *impatiently* Well?

Wesus Whrist: *shakes the etch-a-sketch gravely* I'd say about 12 pages from now.

Koopa Xtreme: 12 PAGES?! But most OGs only last 10!

Sir Sur: Well, we could always wait until page 2 of OG9.

Koopa Xtreme: That's still too long! We need to think of something...

Sir Sur: Well, we could always just get rid of the OGers. Then we could say 'Later...', and the Earth could be destroyed.

Lupus: That's what I was TRYING to do in the-

Koopa Xtreme: Shut up, you're not here, but on Earth which I am attempting to destroy.

Lupus: I already sent out a few assassins to do-

Koopa Xtreme: I SAID BE QUIET! GO TO YOUR ROOM!

Lupus: But my rooms on the ship!

Koopa Xtreme: Well that'd make it hard to get back h-END TRANSMISSION

Lupus: Wha-*beep*

Koopa Xtreme: Now then, would SOMEONE go see what's making the ray so weak?

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