Galaxy Goers Page 2

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Author: GM

(Back at Milliways, Tiffa decided to go home after all that weird "Neko Emperess" stuff. However, when she got to the hanger, she found her ship full of laser holes.)

Tiffa: Damn it! This is gonna take a lot to repair... Well, maybe it'll still start.

(She got in and attempted to start the engine. However, it didn't work. Frustrated, she jumped back out of her ship. Then the ship burst into flames.)

Tiffa: Oh, that's it! I'm never coming to this place again!

(Tiffa turned around, thinking about calling a friend to come pick her up. Then she accidentally bumped into someone.)

Tiffa: Oh. Sorry.

Datana: No, it's my fault, I... Huh?

Tiffa: What?

Datana: ...Nothing. It's just that I thought you were someone else.

Tiffa: Oh.

(The two passed each other. However, Datana stopped seconds later and called out to her.)

Datana: Hey, wait. Can I ask you something?

Tiffa: *turns around* Um, sure.

Datana: Did you ever go attend Polor Station Private School?

Tiffa: Yes, I did.

Datana: ...Is your name Tiffa Katrov?

Tiffa: Yes... Wait a minute! Day!?

Datana: That's me.

Tiffa: Day!

(The two women ran up to each other and hugged. They had been good friends when they attended Polor Station Private School.)

Tiffa: I can't believe it's you! I haven't seen you in years!

Datana: Same here.

Tiffa: So, what have you been doing since you left school?

Datana: Well, you know how I've prided myself in my fighting skills, so I've become a bodyguard. What about you?

Tiffa: I'm a lawyer now.

Datana: A lawyer, huh? That must pay well.

Tiffa: Oh, I'm glad to say it does.

Datana: We've gotta catch up on old times. What're you doing now.

Tiffa: Well, I was going to go home, but my ship... Well...

(Tiffa motions towards the burning wreck that was one her ship.)

Datana: Damn... Well, don't worry about that. I'm sure my brothers and I can give you a lift. They're waiting for the bill. I was just going back to the ship because Kolan left his wallet in it.
_________________

Kolan: We're not doing anything. We're just making sure everyone knows we're still here.

Loter: ...

Author: Mario Jr.

Tiffa: I dunno. I don't want to be much of a burden.

Datana: Oh it's no problem at all!

Tiffa: You sure? Because I could just call a mechanic.

(Just then a latino-looking human, who bore an uncanny resemblance to a certian son of a plumber, pops out of nowhere in greasy red jumpsuit and a wrench in his hand.)

Jorge: Did someone call for a mechanic!

Datana: *slaps her forehead* Not him...

Tiffa: Um, who are you?

Datana: He's just, Jorge. He's the son of the local mechanic of Millways... and is slightly retarded. Just ignore him and maybe he'll go away.

(Igoring Datana, Jorge walks right up to Tiffany and takes her supple hand to his lips.)

Jorge: What is a fine-looking bella like yourself doing on peice of space junk like this? ¡Ay, mi corazón! My heart breaks just at the thought of it.

Tiffa: *giggles* Are you hispanic or something?

Datana: He's not anything. Jorge is a race all his own.

Jorge: Yup that's right! And you better not forget it, yo! *waves a gun in Datana's face*

Tiffa: Waitaminute! Is that a lazer gun in your hand?

Jorge: Oh...*looks at his gun* THAT WAS YOUR SHIP!?

Tiffa: ... You do know I'm a lawyer, right?

Author: GM

(The Bask ship, apparently named "Pies 'N Cakes" for some odd reason, was drifting through space, waiting for the test the "N" being mentioned.)

Don Miguel: So, what are you going to do?

Luigi: Retrieve a boot from a volcano.

Don Miguel: And why is that a threat to that N guy?

Luigi: Maybe he doesn't like boots.

Don Miguel: ...Or maybe that boot's actually a weapon capable of destroying the whole universe. *gasp* Ooooh!

GM: Hey guys. Me and the Saurians were raiding the fridge, and we can't read any of the labels. Since we could accidentally eat poison for all we know, I think we should stop by a convenience store and get some stuff.

Slort: Grabaflabaloo

GM: ...Where'd this guy come from? I don't remember him being on the ship when we stole it.

Rhykette: He's been with us since the last post with us in it.

GM: Oh. Cool. Can we eat him?

(Hearing this, Slort immedietly tackled GM, and the two began wrestling on the floor.)

All:

Don Miguel: Uh oh. The scanners are detecting something coming this way!

Luigi: Must be that test.

Don Miguel: Everyone! Battle stations!

Luigi: Since this is my mission, I think I should be the one who gives orders.

Don Miguel: Wait wait wait... Who hijacked the ship? Me. Who hacked the ship to follow or commands? Me. Who named the ship? Me. I'm the captain, and I say battle stations everyone!

Luigi: We're going to die.
___________________

(After Datana beat the living crap out of Jorge for waving a gun in her face and trashing her friend's car and retrieving Kolan's wallet, she led Tiffa back into the resturant and to her table.)

Datana: Back. Here's your wallet.

Kolan: Thanks.

Loter: 0_o

Datana: Oh, yeah, this is Tiffa. She was a friend of mine from school. Tiffa, these are my brothers Kolan and Loter.

Tiffa: Hi guys.

Kolan: Hey.

Loter: ...

Datana: Her ship got trashed-

Kolan: Jorge, right?

Tiffa: Yep.

Datana: So, she's gonna be riding with us. That's not a problem, right?

Kolan: Not a problem. Hey, how about you two wait in the ship. Loter and I'll stay here and pay.

Datana: Why do both of you have to stay to pay the bill?

Kolan: No reason, really. You two go and catch up on old times.

(Datana shrugged and led Tiffa back to their ship.)

Kolan: ...Hey, Loter? Doesn't that Tiffa woman look like the Neko Emperess?

Loter: ...

Kolan: Think she could be a relative or something?

Loter: *shrugs*

Author: Mario Jr.

(As Datana led Tiffa to their ship, Datana comes to a sudden stop. Noticing this, Tiffa stops and turns around, shooting her a puzzled look.)

Datana: Hey Tiffa.... I've been meaning to ask you something.

Tiffa: o_O Yeah?

Datana: Do you have a--

Jorge: Hola chicas!

Datana: I'm begining to hate these interruptions...

Tiffa: What do you want now?

Jorge: I just wanted to show you this android I made.

Datana: You made a robot?

Jorge: Yeah. She's standing over there.

(Jorge knods at the exoctic looking chick with medium length hair that whirled out at the ends, tanned skin, and sea green eyes. Upon hearing her being mentioned, the android walks up to them with a seductive wiggle to her hip.)

Jorge: Guys, meet Andromeda. I built her all by myself. Am i a genious or what!?

Andi: I think you give yourself too much credit, Jorge. It's only sheer luck that you managed to create me. Thus proving the absense of what you humans call a "god."

Datana: You made that all by yourself? You gotta be kidding me...

Jorge: No joke! Though I think she may be defective. For some reason she's totally aloof towards me.

Andi: Jorge, you have the sex appeal of a slice of bologna. Can you really blame me?

Jorge: Oo, you have a mouth on you! I need to get in and twink your personality chip a bit.

Andi: You come anywhere near my circuitry and I'll zap you.

Datana: That's nice and all but we have to go...

Tiffa: Well can't we take them with us?

Datana: Why?

Tiffa: Well, for starters, I'm still going to sue him for what he did to my ship. I don't want to risk him running away until then.

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

Computer: Thousands of black puffs with yellows eyes appear in deep space in front of the ship.

GM: What are those?

Luigi: Those are Smorgs.

GM: I thought we were supposed to be dealing with problems.

N's voice cryptically heard in all of their minds: Well, they're all named "Problem."

Computer: The Smorgs completely cover the ship and start dragging it into the nearest sun.

Luigi: Well. Nice knowin' ya.

Rhykette: You'll die too. It's not like you can survive in a vacuum.

GM: ~downloads Paper Mario 2 player's guide~ Okay. We need to go out there and find the red Smorgs. If we kill those, the others will leave us alone.

Rhykette: But Basks are always wearing their space suits. I doubt this guy would've had any spares for us.

GM: We could send those two. ~points at Slorg and Splot~

Don Miguel: Sun's gettin' pretty close, guys...

Luigi: Just run an electrostatic pulse over the ship's hull. That should clear them off.

Don Miguel: Well, they're kinda clogging the electrostatic pulser...

Slort: [Bah. I knew that I showed up for absolutely no reason for a good reason.]

Computer: Slort jumps into the nearest airlock and jettisons himself into space. He drifts around the ship, mercilessly destroying Smorgs until he finds the red ones and kills them as well. The other Smorgs immediately disappear... as does the ship, leaving Slort in the middle of nowhere.

Slort: [Typical.]

***

Lt. Cho: Hyperdrive residue shows that the ship jumped from here toward the Dude's system, but was pulled out of hyperspace early at the N-bulon.

Ashley: Dude's system?

Masamune: You know. Like, uh, Canadian Dude.

Ashley: So they were going to stop for snacks?

Depkon: Makes sense. My food would be highly toxic to any of them. If they were smart, they would have had that robot analyze the food for them. I hope to Zarquon that they aren't. Masteri has it coming to him.

Masamune: Aye. Let's head to the Dude's system, then. Bypass the N-bulon,though. I can't stand those guys...

Author: Masamune

Computer: Eh? Eatery, Dude Sector, Beta Quandrant.

Ashley: Whoa. Is that a space station?

Masamune: *shrugs* Yeah.

Ashley: What's in it?

Masamune: Fast food.

Ashley: In that case I want a-

Lt. Cho: It's already here.

Ashley: *looks down in lap to see a paper sack with the Eh? Eatery logo on it* That was fast.

Masamune: Not really, that took ten seconds longer than usual.

Lt. Cho: Time travels allows them to get your food to you before your order. It saves everyone a lot of effort.

Depkon: As fascinating as all this is, we need to go in and inquire. I can't read minds from this far away.

~Inside the restaurant, in the manager's office. A robot sits at the desk, instead of a head is a brain in a jar. Under it are mechanical eyes~

Canadian Bot: Wot. Do. You. Want?

Masamune: Dude! I mean, Bot! Nice to see you again, or what is left of you.

Canadian Bot: Very. Funny. What. Is. It. You. Want?

Ashley: I think his brain moved...

Depkon: *rolling eyes* Have you detected my ship come through here?

Ashley: Why not read his-

Depkon: Because that jar has a psychic barrier on it.

Ashley: *crosses arms* Whatever.

Canadian Bot: No. I. Have. Not. Now. Leave. Eh?

Masamune: Well that was a bust, let's get out of here.

Author: SteveT

OoC: This is a post about Straw Man, who declares that this always has been, and always will be a paragraph OG.
____

Straw Man lives in his own little world, and it's way better than yours.

In this little world, his name was Professor Smarter Than You, or when addressed, Professor Smarter Than Me. Not that anyone ever bothered to ask. They insisted on calling him Straw Man. Like it's his fault people from Flaxius have incredibly thick blonde hair. He had a full head of hair made up of only thirty strands.

Currently, he was on route to anywhere but Flaxius. There was some…unpleasant business a few years ago. Straw Man had done or said nothing wrong. He's incapable of otherwise. But Flaxius had a bigger army.

His pilot was a Steve Model T. Or so he assumed, and Straw Man's assumptions were never wrong. After all, he did introduce himself as "SteveT." What else could it stand for? The Steve Model T was the first mass-produced robotic starship pilot in any history. There was a famous quote about them: "The Steve Model T comes in any color you want, as long as you want black."

The quote was totally wrong. This was the only SteveT anyone had seen outside of books (which were known for propogating fallacies), and it was a kind of steel grey, and put together in large, smooth pieces, with no visible wiring or motors. It actually seemed kind of hollow inside.

SteveT thought he was the captain, and suffered a further delusion that he owned the ship and that everyone on it was his minion. He called it the Lead Zeppelin XII.

Professor Smarter Than You just mentally replaced "Minion" with "Captain" whenever Steve spoke, and things worked out.

The other crewman, the weapons officer, was named Felix. He came from a planet where cats evolved an extra pair of legs, which then became a pair of arms. They ate all the primates, so apes never learned to use tools, and became the dominant species. After hearing that ridiculous story, Straw Man stopped asking questions about Felix's background. He was clearly a compulsive liar.

They were leaving a space station again, and Straw Man stood up from the navigation controls, pointed a finger dramatically, and announced, "Mr. Model T, set a course…FOR ADVENTURE!"

"Do that again and I'll kill you," said the lowly helmsman.

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

The Pie N' Cakes dropped out of hyperspace directly above the Led Zeppelin XII, stopping just above it and close enough for their shields to scrape.

"It's the inquisition!" cried the great Professor Smarter Than You. "Man the life pods! May the intelligent live to see another--"

"Shut up, scoffed the ignorant Steve Model T. "It's just a bounty hunter.

Professor Smarter Than You brushed off the snippety attitude of the pilot bot and countered with, "That is so obviously not a bounty hunter. Do you have a malfunctioning photosynthesizer, by chance?"

He made an effort of peering into the Model T's visor for any sign of the photosynthesizers in question.

"Mr. Felix!" the Model T shouted, shaking with robotic rage. "Punch holes in all of the escape pods before you put our client in one."

Professor Smarter Than You gulped in momentary fear, but stammered on. "V-vacuum is an urban m-myth..." which was of course entirely true. Everyone knew it. They just never said so.

That stupid animal, Felix, scratched his head and asked, "Now, you're joking, right? I just want to make sure because the last time you said you were going to skin me and sell my pelt to pay the damages."

The Steve Model T sighed and nodded. "Yes, I was kidding."

"Yeah, I knew that," Felix said, trying to hide a pick axe behind his back. The Steve Model T shook its head in an almost humanoid gesture.

Professor Smarter Than You, realizing that this situation needed some organization, and since he WAS the captain, leaned down next to the Steve Model T, looking for the speaker button. "Open communications. I will guile these simpletons with my intelligence."

"Hold on," the pilot countermanded, again acting like HE was the Captain. "I need to make sure I don't have any bounties on me." He flicked on a computer monitor, which was already set to a site called "The Bounty Hunter Essentials Site" (with a new age death march playing in the background), then typed SteveT into the search bar.

"Oh, I love this song!" crowed the feeble-minded Felix.

Professor Smarter Than You ran his eyes over the presumed bounties on this pilot bot (which were obviously all false), and commented with some certainty despite that there were twenty.

"Significant bounties," the Steve Model T said casually.

Professor Smarter Than You shook his head and repeated, "There's twenty."

"Nah, man,"

Felix said, getting excited for no reason. "You should have seen some of the bounties on this guy. Remember that one, where you blew up an entire ship just because it had the word "Fest" in its name. Turns out the ship was a dignitary from Bota Fest, and--"

"Yes, Felix, I remember," the Steve Model T said with what, in an actual being, could have been impatience. He nodded to Professor Smarter Than You, who humored his captain act a bit longer. "Open communications."

The Steve Model T then turned to Felix and nodded again. "Prep the weapons."

***

Rhykette: Captain! There's a ship right below us!

Computer: The captain's chair turns to reveal Don Miguel floating above it, his pincer arms stretched to their limits just to reach the arm rests.

Don Miguel: Fire all batteries!

Luigi: Whoa whoa whoa. We don't know who that is, and they haven't shown hostilities. We are not firing.

Don Miguel: I'm the captain, and I say--

GM: Sorry, I agree with this guy. We should at least take them live as prisoners.

Rhykette: Also agreed.

Don Miguel: Mutiny... ~floats away making sad sounds~

Rhykette: Okay, they're sending a transmission.

GM: Patch it through.

Computer: GM, Rhykette, and Luigi gather around as a hologram appears, Don Miguel pretending not to watch from the side. The hologram in question is the face of a man, though its been attached to a ballerina's body. Laughing can be heard in the background.

Straw Man: Greetings, you feeble minded-- What? What's so funny?-- ahem, feeble minded life forms. I am Captain Professor Smarter Than You, not to ever be called-- WHAT, Model T? You're going to scare these idiots into attacking!-- ahem, not to ever be called Straw Man. Ever. ~looks at himself in the hologram~ Waitaminute! You minions! Where's my--

Computer: Straw Man slowly walks out of the hologram and SteveT walks in.

Rhykette: Oh, look! It's a Steve Model T! I hear all of the customers at Milliways talking about them.

SteveT: ~ignores Rhykette~ Leave, now. I've crammed twenty turbobatteries into this baby, and I've got cheapanium-squared shielding. If you do leave now, you won't have to mess with this.

Luigi: That's a very good point.

SteveT: Hey... do I know you?

Don Miguel: Guys! I've seen him before!

Computer: They turn to Don Miguel, who produces a hologram of SteveT.

Don Miguel: SteveT, a construct from an unknown planet who resembles medievil armor in multiple systems. He's infamous for random murders and ship attacks. While there's no official report, studies suggest that all of his attacks are linked to the word "festivity" and its synonyms. Oddly enough, he's been known to rent his ship as a passenger cruiser.

GM: What are you thinking...?

Don Miguel: Let's take him! Imagine the kinda bank we could pick up!

Luigi: Did you hear him? His ship's got teeth to spare.

Don Miguel: So? We're in a Bask ship. That's got to count for something.

SteveT: Ten seconds...

Rhykette: Is that seconds in standard time, qoton time, alpo time...?

SteveT: Standard.

Rhykette: Okay. How many now?

SteveT: Six.

Luigi: We're not taking him.

SteveT: Five.

Don Miguel: I'm the captain, and I say--

SteveT: Four.

GM: Y'know, I bet we could...

SteveT: Three.

Luigi: This is ridiculous.

SteveT: Two.

Rhykette: Hey, um, we're almost out of--

SteveT: One.

Author: Masamune

~Back on the Blade-Chappe~

Lt. Cho: I'm picking up a distress signal from the Pie N' Cakes.

Depkon: That's my ship!

Masamune: How far away?

Lt. Cho: At top speed, one hour.

Masamune: Well then, take us back one hour with the Temporal Displacer and lay in a course.

Lt. Cho: The Temporal Engine are too hot sir, if we take any trip - even the smallest one - she'll blow.

Depkon: My ship has Temporal Shielding anyways.

Masamune: I hate that.

Ashley: I'm confused.

~Meanwhile, in another time and place~

Computer: Year 2015, Planet Earth

Golem: It's the end of the road for you.

Dark Ditto: Curse you Party Goers, why won't you die? All my evil plans, all my plots, but you foil them anyways. It's like I'm doomed to lose!

Rhyk: Boo hoo, we feel terrible. Now turn off the sattelite lasers.

Dark Ditto: I don't think so.

Luigi: Give it up Dark Ditto, you can't beat us all. Besides, I gotta get home to eat dinner.

Dark Ditto: *lays down in front of the control panel* You heroes and your good deeds, you'll never do what it takes to stop me.

Masamune: Come on, just move. You can fight us again another time.

Dark Ditto: I'm afraid I can't do that.

Vorpal: This is ridiculous.

~suddenly there is a flash, a figure steps out. For some reason he looks completely indescribable, which baffles everyone~

????: Come on Ditto.

Dark Ditto: Who are you?

????: Call me a relative. We have work to do.

Dark Ditto: No, I have to stay here. Or they'll destroy my lasers.

????: Oh. Your lasers. *shakes head* How could I have been so foolish.

Dark Ditto: So I'll just be here.

????: You, Golem.

Golem: Huh? What?

????: You're just going to sit around here waiting for Dark Ditto all day right?

Golem: I guess that's true...

????: So it wouldn't do any harm for you to lay down in his place, right? Just so he can take a break.

Golem: Umm....

????: We'll get someone to take over you and you can take a break too.

Golem: I dunno...

????: Good. Well DD?

Dark Ditto: Um. Okay... *gets up and watches Golem lay down in front of the control panel* Now what?

~suddenly the mysterious figure and Dark Ditto vanish~

Rhyk: Golem?

Golem: What?

Rhyk: GET UP.

~Another Time, Another Place~

Computer: Year 2065, Planet Mars Colony

Dark Ditto: Whoa! Hey, where are we?

????: Mars. Now stop sounding so stupid.

Dark Ditto: Who's stupid? Mars is kind of a barren wasteland. This is a paradise.

????: *puts sunglasses on* Terra-forming does that, it's 2065. Now put these sunglasses on.

Dark Ditto: Why? *puts them on*

????: That's the Earth up there.

Dark Ditto: Whoa. It's so small. But... it shouldn't be that big, really...

????: The glasses zoom as well. The Earth is about to explode.

Dark Ditto: I see... WHAT!?

~the Earth explodes~

Dark Ditto: Buh. How... how did this?

????: Had you stayed, you would have died in that blast. Why was it destroyed? The Ushatarian Empire returned.

Dark Ditto: But they were beaten back, years ago.

????: They came back to finish the job. I saved you for a singular purpose. Revenge.

Dark Ditto: Um.

????: To destroy the last remains of the so-called Party Goers, OGers, Festivity Attenders. Whatever name they go by, they will be eliminated.

Dark Ditto: But they just all got killed, you know.

????: A lot of people escaped while the Earth Forces held back the Ushatarians. You died in a prison cell.

Dark Ditto: ....

????: What do you say?

Dark Ditto: I'm in.

????: I have someone who works for me. He will get you through the first step.

~Meanwhile~

Computer: Year 2345, Beta Quadrant

Depkon: Can't this thing go any faster?

Masamune: I installed the Temporal Drive so it wouldn't have to!

Depkon: Bah.

Lt. Cho: We're receiving a request... to uh... board.

Masamune: From who?

Lt. Cho: The Darth.

Masamune: .... of all the times...

Ashley: The Darth?

Masamune: The person who sold me the Temporal Drive. Lt. Cho, allow the transfer

~two figures appear, the figure from before and Dark Ditto~

Ashley: You!

Dark Ditto: *looks at Masamune* You!

Depkon: ....

Masamune: What is this scum doing here, Darth?

Darth: .... my guest. And yours now.

Dark Ditto: You don't mean?

Darth: This is your first step. Masamune, you have new orders.

Masamune: What?

Darth: Destroy the group known as the Galaxy Goers.

Masamune: I don't-

Darth: Do it. *teleports*

Dark Ditto: Great. I get stuck with sword-boy. I think I'd prefer to just die on Earth.

Masamune: Shut up. Resume course, Lt. Cho. ~walks out of the room~

Depkon: Interesting...

Ashley: ....

Author: GM

(At this moment, the Pies 'N Cakes and the Led Zeppelin XII are in the middle of a space battle. The Bask ship is much faster, but the other ship has heavier firepower.)

Don Miguel: What are the stats of the enemy ship?

Rhykette: It's just like he said. Twenty turbobatteries and cheapanium-squared armor. Our attacks aren't doing much damange against it!

Don Miguel: Damn! I haven't unlocked the heavy-duty weapons or the shielding yet!

Luigi: Then unlock them!

Don Miguel: I can't do that and pilot the ship at the same time!

GM: Then let me drive! Then you can unlock all that stuff with no trouble!

Don Miguel: Hmm... Actually, I've got a better idea. GM, you drive. Try to get as close as possible with the enemy ship.

GM: Gonna hack the ship?

Don Miguel: Yep.

Luigi: This is a waste of time. Why can't we just unlock the stronger weapons, or better yet, retreat? We're faster than them!

Don Miguel: Yeah, but we can't get the bounty if we kill them or run away.

GM: Hey, don't worry. Think of this as a bonus mission.

(GM quickly takes the pilot seat as Don Miguel floats toward the same airlock Slort exited out of earlier. GM turns the ship around and flies it toward the Led Zeppelin XII, dodging any fire. One shot grazed the ship, causing some turbulence. Little spider-like legs extended from underneath Don Miguel's jar.)

GM: We're almost there!

Don Miguel: Understood.

(Don Miguel opens the airlock and jettisons out. When the Led Zeppelin VII flew past, he latches onto the ship with his spider legs, which were magnetic. He makes his way over to the enemy ship's airlock. He crawls over the control panel next to it and sticks an extending wire into it. This was his hacking tool. Since we're still early in the story, it's still easy to hack into things, and the airlock soon opens. Don Miguel crawls into the ship and closes it behind him.)

Don Miguel: *over radio* I'm in! Starting the hacking process... Now.
_________________

Felix: Someone's opened the airlock.

SteveT: Is that so? Go check it out.

(Felix went to the door that lead to the airlock. However, by the time he got there, Don Miguel finished his hacking.)

Felix: The door's not working.

(In fact, nothing was working. The weapons couldn't be fired anymore. The ship's engine even stopped working. With the exception of the lights, the ship is completely locked down.)

SteveT: What the hell is going on!?

Straw Man: Why are you worrying? It's obviously just a small glitch that can easily be repaired.
_________________

Don Miguel: *over radio*Done! They're trapped in their own ship! Now, extend the tunnel and get everyone in here so we can subdue SteveT.

GM: *over radio* Yeah, about that. This ship doesn't have a boarding tunnel.

Don Miguel: Okay... What about something we can use to drag the ship along?

GM: Nope.

Don Miguel: Some highly advanced race they are...

GM: Bask hunters kill their targets, remember Don? I doubt Depkon had a need for those.

Don Miguel: ...Okay, I have another idea. Ask Rhykette, how many people, are on the ship.

GM: *silence* She says that ship's scanners detect two people. So that's three when you include SteveT.

Don Miguel: Okay. Drive over here, give Rhykette a laser sword, and send her over. I'll open the airlock for her.

GM: Why?

Don Miguel: Well, being a robot, she's the only one who can get here and survive the vacuum. Once she's here, she'll need to help me subdue SteveT and his two crewmates so we can drag them onto our ship.

GM: ...You still want to hit on her, don't you?

Don Miguel: No! Tch, just get over here.
__________________

(At the Milliways hanger, the Itoli ship was preparing to leave. Unlike the ships we've seen so far, it's simply a civilian vehicle with no weapons. Kolan was driving, Loter had shotgun, and Tiffa, Datana, Andromeda, and Jorge were in the back. They were gonna get a tracking collar put on Jorge so he could still be found even if he ran away. Once they drop him and Andromeda off back at Milliways, they were gonna drop Tiffa off at her home. Finally, the Itoli would return to their planet.)

Kolan: Do we really have to bring these other two people with us? I mean, the Neko's your friend, but freaking Jorge?

Jorge: What's wrong with me.

Kolan: *sigh* Nevermind. Let's just get this over with. I just hope nothing happens that will force us into the main plot.

Datana: Though if that happened, this wouldn't be a pointless and unrelated sideplot.

Kolan: True, but I'm tired.

Author: Mario Jr.

(No sooner had the Itoli's took off, they were blocked by a giant armada of crystal-like ships that had Milliways surrounded.)

Voice on the Intercom: Stop in the name of the of the Neko-Neko Empire!

Kolan: Great! Now we'll never get back home!

Computer: Incoming live video feed from the Neko-Neko Empress to be broadcasted on this ship and every flat screen and computer monitor on Milliways.

Nefertina: Attention occupants of Millways. Exactly 0700 hours ago, a dangerous terrorist by the name Masamune trespassed into our territory and attacked our ships. He was last seen hiding over here by our bounty hunters patrolling the area. Do not harbor this dangerous criminal. If you give him up peacefully, we will spare your pitiful establishment. Unfortunately we cannot allow any ships to leave or enter Milliways until we apprehend the terrorist in question. That is all. Have a nice day.

Computer: End transmission.

Kolan: Damn, what a bitch.

(Tiffa comes back from the bathroom.)

Tiffa: What did I miss?

Jorge: We’re all going to die! WE’RE ALL GOING TO DIE! *hyperventilates*

Datana: Calm down. We’re not going to die today. They’ll find their stupid terrorist and be on their way like they always do.

Computer: Another incoming message from the Neko-Neko Empress.

Nefertina: It seems you people won’t listen to reason. Since no one wants to cooperate, we have no choice but to destroy this spaceport.

Datana: Okay. Now you can panic.

Jorge: Wait. Don’t you have weapons? We can fight our way through!

Kolan: Are you crazy! There’s gotta be a thousand ships out there! They’ll swat us out of the space like flies! Besides, this is just a civilian ship. We don’t have weapons.

Jorge: No weapons! *panics* Wait… where’s my fembot?

(Everyone turns around just in time see Andromeda crawl into an large incubation tube at the back of the cockpit. Once inside, the cylinder fills with blue liquid and a bunch of wires and tubs appear and connect with her.)

Andi: *via intercom* I am fully intergrated with the ship’s computer.

Kolan: Heh, I always wandered what that thing was for.

Jorge: Hey! Waitaminute! I didn’t design her to do that!

Andi: What am I? Who built me? And what did they build me for?

Jorge: What are you talking about!? *I* built you!

Andi: Hmm. I don’t think so…

Jorge: *sobs* Why do you doubt me, your own creator!

Andi: I can see about two hundred ships that surround Miliways…. Yet… the ship can only detect one of them.

Datana: *looks on her monitor* That’s right! The scanners are only picking up on one of them.

Kolan: Of course! Neko-Neko are supposed to be light benders. The other ships must be holograms.

Andi: We can take out the ship if we knock off the main engines. If Ic an launch some of crago in the right trajectory, I think I can hit them.

Datana: Jorge:. We have to get rid of your porn.

Jorge: But what am I supposed to watch while you guys go looking for tracking device?

Datana: Think of it as a sacrifice for the greater good. Launch the porn! …That didn’t come out right.

(On the front monitor, Jorge watches in horror as a grey black dot shot through space and hit on the Nekotian ships in just the right spot, causing it to explode into a million pieces. Just as AndI predicted, the other ships vanished almost immediately.)

The Itoli‘s: Woohoo!

Tiffa: ^_^ Yay, Andromeda! You did it!

Jorge: Jenna Jamison…

Author: SteveT

OoC: I'll never understand why everyone's doing this in the wrong style.

Professor Smarter Than You was scared. Not that he'd ever let on.

The truth was, it wasn't a minor system error that would smooth itself out in a few minutes. Sometimes you had to lie to keep your subordinates from thinking mutinous thoughts.

"Mr. Felix! Come with me," the professor shouted as the Steve Model T pounded on the control panel.

Felix flung a bandolier over his shoulder and lifted a laser rifle. He charged down the hallway, and the professor followed closely behind.

The Steve, meanwhile, switched to the failsafe circuitry of the ship, and the large viewing screen booted up an ancient earth symbol. It was nothing more than a red oval, with forgotten levels carved into it. The Steve proceeded to, in a stunning game of Dr. Mario, overturn the hack, and bring the ship back under his control. No one noticed, however, because he left all systems outside of the hull offline.

In the corridors, the intruder found himself in the uncomfortable company of Felix' rifle.

"As you can see, we are plainly at your mercy," taunted Professor Smarter Than You. He chuckled.

So did Felix.

So did the intruder.

"Wait… why is he laughing?" Felix asked.

"Because reinforcements are on the way."

There was a friendly beep as the intercom system activated. "Through the airlock, I presume?" boomed a tinny voice.

"It's just a bunch of mice and probably a few diseases," said Professor Smarter Than You. "You know how war is waged nowadays."

The beep came again. "This is your captain speaking. All hands to battle-stations, and bring the prisoners."

"No, this is your captain speaking, and the prisoner is going to the brig! And I'm going to the infirmary for some vaccines! Felix, escort the prisoner!"

"To the bridge," added the intercom.

"Mutinous pilot-bots," muttered Professor Smarter Than You as he sulked off to the infirmary.

Then, in the now-empty corridor, there came another batch of sounds: a click, then a rattle, then a thud. This, in turn was followed by a whir, and the sound of metal hinges melting.

This was why Professor Smarter Than You didn't trust robotic pilots. They never got the airlock closed fast enough when the power was down.

Author: Mario Jr.

OoC: Saying "said" and "asked" gets too repetitive. And I don't write with a thesaurus at hand so... that's my reason at least.

(After getting a tracking device implanted into Jorge's neck in some on some black market planet, the Itoli's return to Milliways to drop Jorge back off along with his android.)

Datana: Home sweet home, huh Jorge? Now get off our ship.

Jorge: Ah you guys suck.

Tiffa: Huh?

(Tiffa spots a ship parked next to theirs.)

Tiffa: Aireon... Actually, guys, I need to tinkle really quick.

Kolan: *groans*

Datana: We have a bathroom on the ship.

Tiffa: Well yeah... but your ship is so small, you could hear everything.

Datana: Um... whatever. Hurry up....

(Tiffa follows Jorge and Andi off the ship.)

Kolan: I say we leave her. Ever since we picked up that broad we gotten one delay after the other. Something makes me think this girl is nothing but trouble. Isn't that right Loter?

Loter: *shrugs*

Datana: Whatever. I'm driving so I say we wait for her.

Kolan: Except that I have the wheel.

Datana: *shoves Kolan out of his seat* Not anymore!

Kolan: Hey!

(Tiffa heads to the main dining area and sure enough there he was. His wavy brown hair was longer, and he was wearing thick-framed glasses, but she recognizes his soft brown eyes anywhere.)

Tiffa: Hey Aireon!

Aireon: *looks up from his book* Oh hey Tiffany. Surprise seeing you here in this part of the galaxy. My the universe is a small place after all.

Tiffa: Yeah. It's been awhile... Actually I was in this sector working on a case but I got kinda sidetracked with what hapened to my ship in the hangar...

Aireon: I heard something about a ship being shot at... I believe it was already torn apart and sold as spare parts. No one came to claim it. I hope that wasn't your ship.

Tiffa: Yesh! It figures, what with my luck...

Aireon: Do you need a ride home?

Tiffa: No, I'm fine. I'm actually made some new friends here at Milliways. Ever heard of Datana and her two brothers?

Aireon: I've heard of them. Good people.

Tiffa: Yeah... hey, why don't you come with us? It'd be fun! Like old times.

Aireon: I don't think that's possible?

Tiffa: Why not? I know I haven't spoken to you in ages but--

(Tiffa is interrupted by a woman who approaches them with a bay in her hands.)

Woman: Honey, who's this woman?

Aireon: Oh, hi, sweety. This is my... friend, Tiffany Katrov. We went to law school together. Tiffa, you've heard of my wife Suiranne, haven't you?

Tiffa: Oh. Yes. Of course... Must've slipped my mind. Well, nice meeting you. It was so good for us to finally catch up after all these years, Aire. You're a very lucky woman Mrs. Baltar.

Suiranne: You're welcome to join us.

Tiffa: ^_^ No... I really must be going. Some friends of mine are waiting for me at the ship.

(Tiffa turns and walks away, her heard hung in embarrassment.)

Tiffa: Stupid... stupid... stupid...

Aireon: Hey, Tiffany wait up!

Tiffa: *turns* Aire? I'm...

Aireon: Look... I know we went through alot together in college. But our careers ended up taking us to totally different sides of the Galaxy. And then you stop talking to me for years...I mean, did you seriously think I'd wait for you.

Tiffa: I guess I was hoping to make up for lost time... I guess I was too late for that. That baby... he's?

Aireon: Suiranne's. From a previous marriage. We've tried to have kids... but so far no luck.

Tiffa: He's very beautiful. Just like his mother. You couldn't have picked a more perfect wife. I hope you are all happy together.

Aireon: Yes. What about you?

Tiffa: Well you know me. I'm married to my work...

Aireon: You were always so calm about these things. Take care of yourself though.

(Tiffa opens up her mouth to reply but shouting from the dining area caught their attention. It was Jorge and apparently he had gotten into a scuffle with some of the Nektotian warriors who probably escaped from the explosion of their ship.)

Tiffa: Jorge...

Neko General: You're the pitiful human who destroyed our ship, aren't you!?

Jorge: I did no such thing! Andi, a little help here!

Andi: *flips through magazine* Nah...You seem to be doing just fine.

Tiffa: Hey now! Let that man go! He still has reimbursements to pay me!

Neko General: Your Highness! We caught this man getting off that ship that fired at us earlier. Show him what we do to humans who meddle with our affairs!

Tiffa: Not this again...

(Just then, the Galatic Police arrive.)

Officer: Alright, everybody drop your weapons and put your hands on your head!

(The Neko-Neko scratch their heads in confusion. Then one of them shrugs and shoots one of the officers with an arrow that causes the human to burst into an explosion of golden light. Thus began a huge fight between the Neko-Neko and the authorities as laser beams and energy blasts filled the air and people started running around in pandemonium. Amongst all the confusion, Tiffany, Jorge, and the android are taken by a pair of Neko Generals who beam them up to Nekotian Calvary ship that had just arrived.)

~Meanwhile, just outside the Women's Restroom~

(There was a flush from inside and mommentarily, Nefertina exists wiping her hands on her skirt.)

Nefertina: Tch! Where have my guards gone? I told them to stay here!

Datana: There you are, Tiffa! We've been waiting for you all day!

Nefertina: Tiffa? Who are you to address me as such? I have you know I am the Empress of the Neko-Neko Empire!

Datana: Very cute, Tiffa. *takes Nefertina by the arm* Let's go.

Nefertina: *pries away* Unhand me, alien filth! I shall have you beheaded for--*falls over*

(Behind Nefertina, Kolan stood holding a tazer in hand.)

Datana: ...

Kolan: What!? She was getting on my nerves!

~Later, on the Nekotian Starship~

Jorge: Where are you guys taking us!?

(One of the Neko guard kicks Jorge in the groin causing him to double over in pain.)

Neko Guard: Quiet human! Do not speak unless spoken to.

Tiffa: What will become of them?

Neko Guard: You know the Nekotian Law, your highness. Any attacks on the Empire is punishable by immediate death. We shall take them to Solaria, where they will be beheaded.

Jorge: NO!! Don't kill us!!!! I'm too Puerto Rican to die! Tiffany, do something!

Neko Guard: Or we can kill the male now. I find his voice quite irritating...

Andi: Me too...

Jorge: !!!

Tiffa: I don't think that's necessary.

Neko Guard: o_0

Tiffa: What I mean is... Death is too good for them. Hold them in the brig for now. I shall deal with these humans myself.

Neko General: Good thinking Your Imperialness. We actually have more pressing matters to attend to. Our dart ships have finally located Masamune's ship.

Tiffa: Great! What are you waiting for!? Set course to Masamune's whereabouts.

Neko General: As you wish, Your Highness!

(The guards carry Jorge and AndI off. The ship then creates a tesseract field in front of it and gets sucked in as it heads into warp space.)

Tiffa: Oi.. What have I gotten myself into...?

Author: Masamune

~The Bladechappe closes in on the Lead Zeppelin XII and Pies 'N Cakes~

Masamune: Isn't Pies 'N Cakes a kind of sissy name?

Depkon: In your language. In a ancient Bask Language of the Kepetar, it means 'Death to my enemies, glory to myself'.

Masamune: Really?

Lt. Cho: I have to say I never heard of that language.

Ashley: Hey, there's someone jumping in between the ships.

Masamune: Wow, she looks kinda hot.

Ashley: What?

Masamune: I mean, overheating. Because of being in space...

Ashley: But space is cold.

Masamune: Oh, of course. *cough* Lt. Cho, prepare the cannons.

Dark Ditto: I'll just stand here then.

Lt. Cho: Cannons prepared.

Masamune: These space dogs really could've learned something from the high seas. Never fiight head on.

________________

Luigi: Hey, what's this blooping on the radar?

GM: Oh, it means there's a ship.

Luigi: Okay.

GM: Wait, a ship? *looks at the screen* Hoo boy is it our lucky day.

Luigi: Is it?

GM: That's Masamune, a notorious space pirate. The Neko-Neko Empire recently issued a huge bounty on him.

Luigi: That's interesting.

GM: Hey, are those... cannons coming out of the side?

________________

Steve: Ah, the prisoner. Excellent. *the ship suddenly rumbles and he falls out of his seat.

Don Miguel: They're gonna kill me!

Felix: Another vessel, captain!

Steve: Those cannons look old fashioned... and they're on the side... Why does that remind me of something.

~Straw Man runs in~

Straw Man: You're destroying my ship!

Steve: Destroying MY ship. Felix, man the guns.

Felix: We won't stand a chance. Our ship has been too weakened by the Pies 'N Cakes.

Steve: What a sissy name... We'll have to take our prisoner and retreat. For now.

Straw Man: I got a better idea. We'll retreat instead.

Steve: Whatever.

________________

GM: Damn! Steve is breaking off.

Luigi: Hm.

Rhykette: *coming back in* Somebody started shooting us! I barely made it back in.

GM: Stupid pirates coming out of nowhere. This is a Bask Ship, we'll simply shoot at them.

Luigi: I thought you couldn't use any weapons.

Rhykette: According to this *points at panel* they're piercing our shields. The hull is losing stability.

Splot: Um.

Luigi: What is it?

Slorg: We er, broke the computer.

Luigi: What!? *runs over to the computer* It says a 'Deatomizing Laser' is activated.

GM: Luck at last, well, fire it!

Rhykette: Won't that destroy the ship?

GM: You got a better idea?

________________

Depkon: It looks like the Deatomizing Laser is being activated. Alter the shield setting to Grid 2.55.10.33

Lt. Chozo: Altering shields.

Dark Ditto: *yawns*

________________

GM: It didn't even phase it...

Rhykette: There's no defense against that! Unless...

GM: You know the settings. We're too far away for our minds to be read by that Cho person. Then how?

Luigi: Wouldn't the owner of the ship know?

GM: Of course, Depkon must be on that ship. Is there a way to alter the harmonics for the weapon?

Rhykette: Yes. If you can give me a few hours.

GM: You have two minutes. Tops.

Author: Golem

~Rhykette starts furiously typing at some consoles.~

Rhykette: Okay, I'm going to need someone to go outside and--

Luigi: Hold on... what's that on your leg?

Rhykette: ~eyes glued to several computer screens~ Not now...

Luigi: I've got an idea.

Rhykette: ~sighs, grabs a small rifle strapped to the outside of her left leg~ You mean this?

Luigi: Yeah.

Rhykette: It's practically an antique, an incendiary device that propels trash at violent speeds.

Luigi: If you can get a good shot or two at

Masamune's cannons, we can at least delay him.

Rhykette: Hmm... I doubt the cannons would be protected from anything other than modern rays and light beams, leaving a trash projectile free to harm it... I could get a dead shot at the opening of the cannon. Anyone got a copy of The Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy Going?

~A unanimous "No." Rhykette swipes a book off the dashboard and goes to the air lock as Luigi steers the ship into position to allow Rhykette to get a good shot at the cannons.

Rhykette had swiped Depkon's copy of "The Hitchhiker's Guide to Galaxy Going," which he kept around for reasons unknown. The book was built to handle outer space conditions, and if one knew the proper origami, the book could provide the pocket of oxygen needed to activate an incendiary device. The ship rocks with a hit as Rhykette stands in the open air lock, waiting for an opportunity when the ship is steady to fire. Seconds later, she takes her one shot. It, as far as she can tell, sails right into the rightmost cannon on the side of the ship, hitting none of the sides of the cannon but travelling dead center into the cannon's dark tunnel. She quickly leaves the air lock, returning to the others, who are sitting strapped into chairs by belts.~

Rhykette: With any luck, they won't realize their ship has a physical obstruction, but will think someone has hacked into their offens--

~Suddenly, Rhykette tumbles onto the floor.~

Rhykette: What was that?!

Luigi: They're trying to ram the ship. I'm evading. I assume this means the rifle scheme worked...

Rhykette: Doesn't Depkon care about his own ship?!

___________________________

Elsewhere, aboard the Lead Zeppelin XII, Straw Man was talking with Don Miguel. Pies 'n Cakes had served as a proper distraction for escape.

"How much of the cut were you going to get from this, anyway?" asked Straw Man.

"All of it, naturally," responded Don Miguel. "Except for the interplanetary taxes, but that's nothing unusual."

"Of course, of course," said Straw Man, nodding. "Well, even if the planets don't let you enjoy a large sum of money, they at least refurnish your ship for the troubles, right? Bringing down Steve Model T is no easy task, it can wear on a ship."

"Um... no... planets would never offer that. I just had an uprising on my ship, to boot..."

"Really?! No appreciation at all from your crew?"

"Not that I can remember," Don Miguel said with hesitation.

"I see. At least you were well fed, right?"

"No. That waitress never got me my water. Heck, I never even got to ask that waitress for her number. She was cute..."

"That's a shame." Straw Man turned to Felix, saying, "Hey Felix, come over here and get one of your four square glasses of water that you receive daily."

"I drink milk, and out of bowls," Felix said, firmly holding a stereotype in place.

Turning back to Don Miguel, Straw Man continued, "That's the kind of personal treatment our brig captives get. Not to mention that there's no form of government to lay a hand on your paycheck. Too bad you're satisfied with your current bounty hunting, I'd really love to put you in the brig, you're just the fellow we need."

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