Gamehiker Member OG 7 Page 3

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Author: GORE-ILLA

*After the brutal onslaught, all the OGers are chained to giant anvils.*

Guiseppie: We'll keep you all up there until you learn your lesson!

Bio Guiseppie: Except for Dark Ditto... (at his command, a horde of sidekicks start shoving Dark Ditto's anvil towards the nearby harbor)

Donkey Congo: Wait, no! This is our prey! You cannot interfere with the hunt! (nods to Luigi, who produces a laser sword and starts cutting everyone loose while Lupus and Golem wait to beat them with lead pipes)

Guiseppie: Hey... if you bad guyz weren't causing all this trouble, there would be no need for heroes OR sidekicks. We'd all be equal! (everyone gasps)

Donkey Congo: Oh, so it's like that! Fine then, the hunt is on!

*The villains and the sidekicks rush towards each other like in the opening theme song of many a 90's cartoon, but instead of exploding and leaving behind a logo they just start beating the crap out of each other. Of course there are hundreds of more sidekicks, but the sidekicks are inexperienced and unsure of how to face bad guys without their heroes, and so they are slowly losing.*

Masamune: (cuts Dark Ditto free)

Dark Ditto: What are you waiting for? Let's crush those sidekicks!

Lady in Red: (still chained, along with GORE, Marin, GM and Tiffa) Hey what about us?

SteveT: Er, no time!

Vorpal: Sorry Tiffa!

*The four of them rush in and help the others beat the sidekicks up. Dark Ditto starts wrestling both Guiseppies. Masamune chases Dodo, plucking feathers with his sword. Lupus starts eating Fred. Golem uses one of those manhole lids he's so proud of to pummel Rhyk. Luigi uses the Force to slam his Goombas into each other. Vorpal focuses his attacks on those guys he can't remember. Lynel runs as fast as he can while Steve approaches with an axe. And Donkey Congo stays on the sidelines, setting traps that the various other sidekicks fall for.*

Tiffa: Dammit, how can we get down from here?!

GORE: Oh great, don't tell me we're the only five protagonists left in this story.

GM: Aren't there any sidekicks that might help us?

GORE: Hm... I dunno. Maybe that Sapphire, but she always was a bad seed.

Lady in Red: Take that back! I'M Sapphire, and I'm definitely no sidekick!

Marin: What are you talking about?

Lady in Red: Fine, I'll show you! (changes back into Sapphire) I am NOT a sidekick!

Guiseppie: (flutters away from Dark Ditto momentarily) Oh man, one of our sidekicks must have been tied up by accident! I'll set you loose Sapphire.

Sapphire: (is untied) Thank you. (kicks Guiseppie, who starts spitting up coins) AND I'M NO SIDEKICK!

*Sapphire turns back to Lady in Red and frees the others, then they rush off to face a great decision- whether to help their former sidekicks or their enemies who one were friends?*

Author: Masamune

~Meanwhile, on a peaceful secluded planet~

Rghrty: Life is great, I think I'll fall asleep.

Aeiou: The third planet in the Sol system is emanating radioactive ways of awesome yet confusing battling.

Rghrty: So?

Aeiou: Considering our planet has no noteworthy history to speak of and we all are just basically humans without ears, the planet is going to blow up.

Rghrty: Sounds like a sucky planet.

Aeiou: I meant our planet.

Rghrty: Oh.

~planet explodes~

~Meanwhile~

Luigi: I feel a great disturbance in the Force, as if a pointlessly created planet was needlessly eliminated.

Splog: Needless this. *bites Luigi's head*

Luigi: Ow.

Masamune: *ties up a sack with Dodo in it* What side are we on again?

Steve: I don't remember. What sides are there?

Vorpal: At least four. Maybe ten.

Masamune: Hey narrator, could you give us info on what sides there are?

Narrator: Oh fine. You three are technically with the OGers, but plan to doublecross them.

Vorpal: A good plan, that.

Narrator: Multiple sidekicks led by both Guiseppes. The remaining five OGers who are not you three. And the B.A.D.G.U.Y.Z. led by Donkey Kongo.

Steve: Is that all?

Narrator: Also Straw Man, who currently believes he is St. Peter.

Straw Man: *shakes fist* One day I'll out narrate you! [/Holiday Special Foreshadowing]

Vorpal: I think we all know what's going to happen at this point.

Steve: *checks wristwatch, which even suits of armor wear, because they're awfully trendy* Deus ex machina.

~a portal appears out of nowhere~

GORE: A portal from nowhere! *gets shot in the head by Donkey Kongo* Ow, hey.

~from out of the portal comes a giant Victorian Thirty-Gunner Frigate that has a giant blimp-like balloon thing on top instead of sails which skids on to the ground. Suddenly a crew of angelic zombie ninja pirate dwelves (dwarf/elf hybrids) jump off from either side~

Golem: That's impossible, such creatures could not exist!

Cap'n Sensei: Surrender puny whatever this dimension is-people!

Roy: I believe I should explain. Ninjas and pirates, dwarves and elves, and angels and zombies are like total opposites. You can't put just one combo together, much less all three at the same time. It totally messes up everything.

Cap'n Sensei: Yes, well. *shoots Roy*

Roy: ARGH! *falls over*

Cap'n Sensei: Minions, attaaaaack!

Steve: Well damn, they were a minute late.

Author: Luigi of the Pipes

~The angelic zombie ninja pirate dwelves stalk purposely into the room, each wielding chakram-saw-chuck-cannon-axe-arrows. The very concept causes most of the sidekicks to fall to their knees, clutching their heads.~

Vorpal: And you guys sincerely thought you could go solo? Let's show them how it's done.

~The heroes, the conspirers, and the B.A.D.G.U.Y.Z. stalk toward the angelic zombie ninja pirate dwelves, then slowly begin to charge. The angelic zombie ninja pirate dwelves raise their weapons. The others continue to charge.~

Cap'n Sensei: Fire at my signal. ~raises hand~

~The heroes, conspirers, and B.A.D.G.U.Y.Z. (who are all pretty much heroes now) let out a war cry as they run. The first volley is deflected by their collective weaponry, as swords, scarves, and parasols throw the chakram-saw-chuck-cannon-axe-arrows aside.~

Cap'n Sensei: I suggest a new strategy. Aim for the little ones in the back.

~They do. The heroes scream and turn, throwing themselves upon their respective sidekicks and being brutalized by the projectiles. All the other sidekicks are viciously murdered but who really cares anyway?~

Vorpal: Ugh... ow.

Goom: He... he does care!

Vorpal: No, you weirdos tripped me. I was trying to save R.O.B.

R.O.B.: ~sparkle sparkle~

Ba: Awww... Vorpal.

Tamagon: We see right through you.

Vorpal: Yeah? Maybe because there's a hole in my chest...

Dodo: Masa?

Rhyk: Golem?

Pikachu: Pika pika?

Splog: Luigi?

Lynel: Steve?

SteveT: Nothing personal, just... maybe... a little... thankful that you're not Straw Man.

Lynel: Oh, good.

Fred: ~was impaled throwing himself on top of Lupus~ I could never really turn on you, Herr Master Von Awesomeness, as you want to be called. Ugh...

Lupus: Fred, I told you we could only be in this position on Tuesdays.

Marin: Please GOD tell me that MJ did not just throw himself on top of me. ~looks up at GORE~ Oh.

Tiffa: Wait, then who's on me? ~looks up at GM~ Err.

GORE/GM: Hummina hummina... ~pass out~

Donkey Kongo: Wait, I didn't have a sidekick to cover. So why am I-- ~is killed by a million chakram-saw-chuck-cannon-axe-arrows at once~ I hate being a GMOG villain...

Kaiser Bear V: I... saved you Dad. Ugh... ~dies as well~

Roy: Ow...

Cap'n Sensei: Well, that made no sense. But my plan worked perfectly! Now finish them off.

Giuseppe: STOP!

~Giuseppe and Buio Giuseppe come out from behind the stage.~

Buio Giuseppe: Buio Giuseppe is touched. Not because Dark Ditto did throw himself upon Buio Giuseppe, which he didn't because he is long gone... But because of the devotion he saw these heroes make for their sidekicks.

Giuseppe: I guess sidekicks do need their heroes. Even if it hurts to let go sometimes. But we won't be letting go this time. And we definitely won't need our heroes to do this.

Cap'n Sensei: Words are shallow. Show me what you're going to do.

~The sidekicks all stand up, glaring at the angelic zombie ninja pirate dwelves. The angelic zombie ninja pirate dwelves are taken aback.~

Cap'n Sensei: Wh-what are you going to do?

Giuseppe: ATTACK!

~The sidekicks leap across the bodies of their mentors, flying at the angelic zombie ninja pirate dwelves with a fury the likes of which the world has never seen, just to make it sound really impressive. Their ship is blown to pieces by the malfunctioning R.O.B., who plants himself next to it before self-destructing. The sidekicks press them from all sides, mercilessly striking, beating, pecking, biting. They back for the door, but there is no door. The army whittles from thousands to hundreds to tens to one. Only Cap'n Sensei remains, battered on the ground.~

Cap'n Sensei: I surrender?

Buio Giuseppe: Yes. Buio Giuseppe will show you what he does to POWs. ~turns into a two Vorpals tall dragon and eats Cap'n Sensei~ His taste does not sit well with Buio Giuseppe's stomach. Oh well.

GORE: ~wakes up from the shock of being on top of a girl~ Oh, uh. Good job, you guys. I don't have a sidekick, personally, so I really have no regrets in saying that you all have earned the right to be your own heroes. Go forth and be super, and stuff!

~The sidekicks ignore him and pick up their masters however they best can, heading for the nearest hospital (or blacksmith).~

GORE: Or just ignore me, yeah. ~turns to GM~ You seen my kidneys?

GM: I probably know where to look...

~Later~

~The sidekicks sit in the waiting room of the local hospital, as Giuseppe glides out the door.~

Giuseppe: They'll be okay, because of the magic of OGs.

~Cheers.~

Giuseppe: You guys... it's been nice knowing you.

Dodo: Going somewhere?

Giuseppe: Buio Giuseppe and I are heading out. We've got some unfinished business to clear up that will probably not be mentioned again.

Goom: You were a great mysterious leader.

~All cry as Giuseppe leaves.~

Ba: Well boys. The ending is ours.

~Dodo, Goom, Ba, Tamagon, Splog, Pikachu, Rhyk, crippled Fred, Lynel, Marin, and Tiffa jump up and pose as the credits roll. This scene fades eventually, leading into various other scenes of Lupus and Straw Man dancing to "Don't Go Breakin' My Heart", GORE and GM beating up Don Miguel for the kidneys, and Dark Ditto and Roy disappearing mysteriously into the background.~

GAMEHIKER MEMBER OG VII

Starring:

A lot of people

~That night...~

~Masamune and Vorpal painfully make their way to the blacksmith, where they find SteveT with a smooth new polish.~

SteveT: Good. Our bond wasn't broken.

Vorpal: Of course not. We're only the best villain team ever.

Masamune: Just wait until next OG. We'll make their heads spin.

~They chuckle maniacally.~

THE END?

Author: GORE-ILLA

*Golem and Sapphire lounge in their apartment.*

Golem: Why are you here again?

GORE: I told you, when I went back to the house all I found was a raging inferno. I'm sure this is Donkey Congo's doing.

Sapphire: Well at least that stupid sidekick rebellion is finally over.

Golem: (looks out window) Um... I don't think you'd like to see this...

*Outside, Robert Stack, Narrator Newbie, the Scene-Setting Guy, Censor Man and various other narrators march through the street holding up signs.*

Sapphire: (closes blinds) Whatever, I think room service is here.

*Cap'n Sensei walks in covered in digestive acids wheeling a food cart. Then he immediately starts laughing maniacally.*

Golem: He seems somewhat familiar. Is he that busboy?

*Sapphire grunts and kicks the food cart, which smashes through Cap'n Sensei and GORE and knocks them out the window. Cap'n Sensei starts hopping around like mad in an attempt to stop GORE, but GORE continuously stomps on Sensei's head until he collapses. A giant banana drops down from the sky.*

Sapphire: This better be a happy ending this time.

GORE: (looks down the street and notices the fire from the beginning spreading throughout the city) Uh... (runs off) LIVE AND LEARN!!!

THE END

Starring In Order of Appearance
Vorpal
Masamune
SteveT
Straw Man
Luigi of the Pipes
Sapphire
Golem
Lupus
Tiffa
Dark Ditto
GM
GORE-ILLA
Donkey Congo
Cap'n Sensei

Featuring
B.A.D.G.U.Y.Z

Guest-Starring...
Roy/Kaiser Bear IV
Dacty
Goonie Pirate
Kuria Eiren
Dodo
The Lovely Peter Jennings
Splort
Rhyk
Goom
Ba
Snipes
Lynel
Tamagon
Fred
Pikachu
ROB
Andromeda
Mario Jr.
Marin
Don Miguel
Kaiser Bear V
Giueseppie
Brother Bob
Urchin
EVIL Scientist Dude
Giovanni
Biou Guieseppie
King Kong
Zambi Yoshi
Rghrty
Aeiou

*Elswhere, EVIL Scientist Dude's plane flies into the Bermuda Triangle and disappears...*

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