Halloween Haunter 3 Page 2

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Magikoopa

[soundtrack from Phantom of the Opera in the distance]

In a poof of fire, MagiKoopa and Meowth appear in... well, let's just say they're waaayyy below the Earth's surface.

MagiKoopa: Y-YOU! I KNEW IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG!!

Sean Polinski: Yes, I, Sean Polinski, crappy editor of the Toonami versions of Tenchi Muyo!, am The Devil!

Meowth: So, it's because of you that we hafta buy the uncut versions on videotape for 20 bucks apeice!

Sean Polinski: Oh, it's much worse than that. That's for the dubbed versions! You have to pay 5 bucks more for the subtitled versions! HAHAHAHAHAHA!!!

Meowth: You fiend!!!

MagiKoopa: What do you want from us?!

Sean Polinski: Your souls! Now hand them over! First, sign this super-evilness contest wavier.

MagiKoopa is about to sign the stack of papers, when Meowth uses the Fury Swipes on him.

MagiKoopa: OWCH!

Meowth: What Super-Evilness Contest?

Sean Polinski: [sighs] Section 2 of the Fairness in Hell act--

A tortured soul in a nearby lava pit shushes Sean.

Sean Polinski: Oh, be quiet, Censor Man. anyway, Section 2 of the Fairness in Hell Act states that if you can do something that could possibly be more evil than I, The Devil, then you're free to return to Earth, as your choice of ghost, living, or a hybrid able to change between the two.

Meowth: Why is that?

Sean Polinski: Your evil would be much more useful on Earth than down here!

MagiKoopa: [snaps fingers]

Two seconds later, in a brief cameo...

Lavos: Oh, boy! They're showing Tenchi Universe again. huh? [the show instantly changes into an episode of Tenchi in Tokyo]

Lavos checks his TV schedule only to find that Cartoon Network has permanently chosen Tenchi in Tokyo as its series (out of the three) to play indefinitely.

Lavos: There's nothing but Tenchi in Tokyo! NOOOOOOO!!!!!

[return back to heck]

Sean Polinski: Wow! I, the Devil, never would've thought of that!

MagiKoopa: Now then, we wanna be permanent ghosts! But only for the rest of this story.

Meowth: Yeah! Once the story ends, we wanna be mortals again. People [mainly Ditto] will throw rotten fruits at us if we're able to change between living and non-living so easily.

Sean Polinski: Very well. HOWEVER! For being stupid enough to leave a hole in the plot big enough for Ditto McCloaker to fill with suspenseful goodness, you shall instantly be revived if even a single speck of the ashes of your bodies comes in contact with... peppermint ice cream!!

MagiKoopa: OH NOOOOO!!!!!!!

In another fiery flash, MagiKoopa and Meowth are teleported back onto the street next to Haunter.

Haunter: So, you met The Devil, did you?

MagiKoopa: Yeah! he's Sean Polinski!

Haunter: Editor of the Tenchi series? no way!

Meowth: Hey, what's that? There's a sign where our bodies used to be!

The trio heads over to the sign, advertising for the funeral of MagiKoopa and Meowth.

MagiKoopa: [reading sign]blah... blah... blah... oh no! Look! "MagiKoopa's will states that peppermint be brought as an offering so that he may remember his friends"!

Meowth: Here comes Golem and the others!

Haunter: We gotta do something to the sign!

Golem: Hey, check out this sign!

Rhyk: "Come to the new hot dog stand down the street."

Ayeka clone: Well, let's not just stand here! We should try a hot dog and see if they're worth recommending to Tenchi.

Sapphire: [sounds just like Ryoko] Okay, let's go!

Ayeka clone: Now, hold on! who invited you?

Saph: Huh? What happened to my voice?!

MagiKoopa, Meowth, and Haunter: [laughing]

Golem

Golem and Rhyk walk to the hot dog stand while Saph and Ayeka continue arguing.

Golem and Rhyk run into YM and Mr. P.

Golem: Hi, YM!

Mr. P: I'm not Yoshiman, I'm dressed like him!

YM: And I'm not Mr. P, I'm dressed like him!

Golem: But if you're Mr. P, than why is Mr. P next to you?

Mr. P: No! I'M MR. P!

Rhyk: Cannot. . . compress into memory banks! Dain Bramage!

Golem: Now look what you did YM!

YM: I'M YM!!!!

Mr. P: <sigh>

Vorpal

~Ding-dong~

Lady: Yes?

Vorpal: Hello, Ma'am! I'm running for President of the Unit . . .

Lady: Oo! How cute! Are you Superman? No, Spiderman!

Vorpal: Why'd they put Election Day so close to Halloween?

Lady: Earl! The neighbor's kid dressed up like Batman! Isn't it cute?

Vorpal: Lady, I'm not tricker-trea . . .

Lady: How sweet! Have some candy.

Vorpal: But, I, . . . hm, Reese's Cups? Could I have some more?

Magikoopa

Magikoopa: I have an idea!

Magikoopa makes YM and Mr. P's costumes real!

YM: Look, let me get the zipper. . . <can't find any zipper> huh? What happened?

Mr. P: I can't find my zipper, either!

Golem: Oh, I see, April fools.

YM: No! Really!

Masamune

Narrator: Meanwhile, downtown in a abandoned warehouse, Masamune and the The Musty Fears have gathered.

Greaper: Hehe, we'll realy get them this year!

Big Boo: Yep!

Dry Bones: So, when are we going to start?

Masamune: *puts cell phone down* After Ghost Shyguy, Gengar, Gastly, Poe (Zelda 64) and some others arrive.

Dry Bones: Oh...

Masamune: This year we shall knock the socks off the Party Goers!

Big Boo: This isn't a Party Goers Story!

Masamune: Doh!

Ditto McCloaker

Scene-Setting Guy: Sitting in his mysterious lair, Ditto is, as usual, in his human form, watching the 'pathetic fools' running around on his computer screen. He strokes Guisseppie, as he ponders to himself...
Ditto: Hmmm... I sense the potential for torment of the innocent and senseless mayhem... and I want in. But how...?

~punches Guisseppie. A beetle comes out, and he transforms, then dissappears~

SSG: At the Funeral Parlor, people are beginning to arrive for the funeral of Magikoopa and Meowth. Ghost Magikoopa and Meowth are present also.

Magikoopa: Wow. What a turnout. I'm touched! ~wipes a tear away from his glasses~

Meowth: Hey! It's Meowthar! And that female Meowth I tried to impress by learning to talk! And Jessie! And James! What swell friends!

Magikoopa: It's my mom and dad! I haven't seen them in ages!

Mamakoopa: An ice-cream incident. Somehow, I'm not surprised.

Papakoopa: That boy never did have an ounce o' sense.

Mystikoopa (Magi's little brother): Can I have his Tenchi comics?

Papakoopa: Sure. And you can move into his room as soon as we get home.

Magikoopa's Ghost: No! He'll just color all over them!

Meowth: Hey, where's Saph?

Magikoopa: Hey, here comes Bomberman... Oh my GOD! He's eating...

Meowth: ...Peppermint Ice-Cream!

Bomberman: See ya, 'Koop. You were the best friend I ever had.

~As he leans over, his cone drizzles a bit. A droplet hits the floor, inches from the casket. Forutnately, he begins to walk away~

Magi: Whew. That was TOO close.

Meowth: But LOOK over at the refreshment table! EVERYONE'S GETTING SOME!

Magi: Oh, man, we're as good as alive!

Meowth: We gotta clear this room, but how?

SSG: Suddenly, as if in answer to the question, a card drops in Magi's hands. He reads it.

Meowth: What's it say?

Magi: "If you're a ghost in fear
Of fire or ice,
See the back of this card,
And say my name thrice."

Haunter: No! Don't say that name! You don't want HIS help!

Magi: Why not? ~turns over the card and reads~ "Dittojuice."

Mysterious Voice: ~seeming to echo up from beneath the ground~ That's it! Just say it twice more! ~a beetle crawls by, and is suddenly grabbed by a hand from underground~

Magikoopa

MagiKoopa: Huh. why not? Dittojuice, d---

Meowth uses Fury Swipes on MagiKoopa. Haunter follows with Night Shade.

MagiKoopa: EEYAGH!

Meowth: Didn't you see the movie "Beetlejuice"?!

Haunter: Yeah! what's-his-name tries to... wait, what happened?

Meowth: Something something... tried to take her as a bride... something. well, I forgot.

MagiKoopa: Oh, what the heck! They all won in the end, right?

Haunter & Meowth: ...

MagiKoopa: Dittojuice!

Haunter and Meowth cringe at what unspeakable Ditto-ness MagiKoopa's about to unleash into the world (well, almost the world. you know what I mean.).

Golem

Golem: BLECH! I hate peppermint ice cream, why'd I get some?

Narrator: Just then, everyone's ice cream turns into...
MINT CHOCOLATE CHIP!!!

Dittojuice: Oops, wrong spell.

Narrator: Oh no, look what else is happening...
Bones are coming up from the graveyard and reassembling themselves!

Yoshiman

Golem: Hey, YM, why is you cone still peppepermint?

Mr. P: I'M MR. P!

Golem: Suuuuurrrree you are.

Golem

Narrator: Just then, Sapphire runs in to join them.
Saph: ~pant, pant~ Sorry I'm late, but this Aeyka clone kept ch-- *jawdrop*

Golem: What is it, Saph?

Saph: LOOK BEHIND YOU!!!

CM: "Everyone at the funeral swiftly turns around to see a huge army of skeletons behind the altar nearing them."

---

Ditto McCloaker

Voice: IIIIIt's SHOWTIME!

SSG: Suddenly, all the wallpaper in the Parlor turns into black-and-white stripes. Ditto looms slowly up from behind the caskets, as a skeleton dressed in a black-and-white striped tuxedo and tails.

Ditto: Wah-ahahahahaha! Please help yourselves to the Dinner and Dessert Bar. All catering is compliments of Ditto's Catering Service! Enjoy!

~suddenly, worms come crawling out of everyone's ice cream~

Golem: SHRIEK!!!

Saph: I'm gonna be sick...!

Ditto appears next to her, holding a bucket.

Ditto: Careful, lady! We don't wanna spill any of that 'special sauce!'

~Saph runs to the bathroom~

Narrator: Now, the skeletons begin falling over everyone Including me! Augh! ~flies off~

YM: AAAUUUGH!

Mr. Predict: The skeletons will be no more
The skeletons will-

Ditto: Ha! Spookyman! Now, here's a guy after my own heart..!

~Mr. Predict's eyes go wide as Ditto possesses him. Conga music begins playing, and he sings, in Ditto's voice~

Mr. Predict: ~begins hovering over the ground~ Shake! Shake! Shake, senora, shake it all de time!

Yoshiman: ~staring deadpan at the screen~ This is some pretty scary stuff. Someone better call an exorcist.

Narrator: Bomberman is huddled by the caskets. Ditto appears beside him.

Ditto: ~dressed as a mourner~ Sniff! Gee, they look so peaceful, don't they? Like they could wake up at any moment, huh?

~Suddenly, Bomberman feels a cold hand and a cold paw on his shoulder. He turns in fear to see the zombified corpses sitting up~

Bomberman:

Magi's Ghost: Hey! Those are our bodies! You got rid of the ice cream, no GO!

Ditto: Oh, but I'm not done yet! Now, let's see, whom have I forgotten? ~Sees Masamune trying to escape~ Oh, yes. How silly of me. ~smacks his forhead~

~Suddenly, a bunch of silverware on the table begin to move~

Ditto: ~dressed as an infomercial guy~ Try the Masamune! It slices, it dices! It has a magnetic personality!

~Suddenly, all the silverware flies up and flies at Masamune as he tries to open the door. When he opens his eyes, it has hit all around him, forming an outline~

Masa: Whew, that was close.

~As he reaches for the handle, one last knife hits his sleeve, pinning him to the wall~

Masamune: Oh, crap.

~Suddenly, the door flies open (hitting Masamune against the wall, knocking him unconcious)~

Vorpal: ~Dressed in a white outfit, toting his sword like a laser~ Who ya gonna call? Geistbusters!

Ditto: Uh-oh, here comes the riot squad.

Vorpal: I shall save everyone!

Ditto: But... you're my friend!

Vorpal: It's a political favor. Sorry.

Ditto: Very well, then. I'll just take my ball and go home then! But first...

~grabs Sapphire, who is coming out of the bathroom~

Ditto: ...Shall we?

Saph: EEEK!

~Grabs her and waltzes off through the air with her, out a window. The zombie Magi and Meowth lurch after them.~

Magi's Ghost: Hey! Those are OUR bodies!

Meowth's Ghost: Well, considering we woudn't ever need them again for the story, we could just go about our own business.

Magi: ~kicking a pebble~ But it's the Principle of the thing!

Haunter: I warned you guys.

Golem: We must go rescue Sapphire!

Yoshiman: Now there's an original plotline.

Vorpal: She's gotta be my First Lady!

Mr. Predict: ~suddenly stops floating around~ OOF!

Vorpal

Vorpal steps up to the podium.

Vorpal: Please everyone. Let's stop this bickering and remember why we're all here. We here to honor the dead.

Golem: But they're trying to kill us!

Vorpal: (toward the skeletons) Plaese sit down! I have some words to say.

Everyone sits down.

Magikoopa's Ghost: Hey! Vorpal has Peppermint Ice cream!

Vorpal: First we'll open up the floor to Bombeman, Magikoopa's long time friend.

Bomberman: Yes, Magikoopa was a low down rotten son of a b . . . mmph!

Vorpal: heh heh, anyway, Magikoopa loved ice cream, isn't that right Censorman?

Censorman: Yep!

Magikoopa's Ghost: Rrg! He's still using Censorman!

Vorpal: In fact, pepperment was his favorite. So I'm going to give him this last cone for him to have in the after life!

Magikoopa's Ghost: NO! . . .

Sapphire

Bomberman: Whoa..

YM: Mr P, are you okay?

Mr. P: [Doesn't answer]

Golem: Does anyone blame me for being totally confused right now?

Vorpal: ...

Magikoopa's Ghost: Look at them. What idiots!

Meowth: You know, this was all your fault to begin with-

Magikoopa: Shut up!

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