Skanky Siren

Full Name: Skanky Siren
Birthdate: 18 years before any date
Species: Human
Nationality: United States of America
Creator: Sarah
First Appearance: The OnGoing Adventures of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada

Background

As a child, she was known as Preadolescent Siren. Because of the great powers her chest contained, Mr. Feeny had to place mental blocks on her jumblies, because they literally had minds of their own and referred to themselves as "Da" and "Rk" during their sessions. Thus she only had limited boob powers as she grew into Skanky Siren.

This uber-attractive babe eventually (and inexplicably) joined the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada as the crew's "undercover stripper" and one of the few female pirates aboard. Among the crewmates, she is good friends with Asian Distracting Dude, That Krazy Dude and Stampede the Marksman, and in one Valentine's Day special she gave birth to a son, the father of whom is either Karl or Que Pasa, but it eventually turned out neither was the father, and she wasn't even the mother. Her special power was enough to shatter the eyes of Bob Saget in the first GCPA.

In The Semi-Last Stand, Skanky Siren returned from the dead as Dark Siren, despite the fact that no one remembered her ever dying in the first place. Apparently she had tried using her breasts to stop the currents of a duck pond which crashed down on her. Instead of dying, her dormant powers were reawakened and preserved her within a protective bra until she was awakened from her slumber accidentally when Stampede vomited in the pond. Dark Siren's new boob powers made her the most powerful pirate, but the powers were uncontrollable and led her to accidentally kill Stampede. Dark Siren joined Bob Saget's Brotherhood of Evil Pirates Who Think They're Good for the sole purpose of sitting in the background and doing absolutely nothing to help or harm the team. Eventually Siren repented and lobotomized her boobs, reverting her to her skanky old self again.

During the GCPA Finale, Siren began trying to bond with the other girls of the crew by holding regular girl talk meetings and basically acting as the captain for the girls of the crew. In the first part she had the crew pick guys in the crew at random to try to strike chemistry with, and Siren traded to get No Name although she instead wound up bonding with Que Pasa, who won her a black cat that was named Silky. Que Pasa left the crew soon afterwards and asked her to join him, but she was not ready to leave the pirate crew yet. In the second part, she competed in the captain's games and was able to defeat Vagineta after double-teaming with White Panther, although Stampede was ultimately awarded the title. At Count Gonad's ball, she bonded further with White Panther and also began to spark a romance with the vampire mermaid Keanu Reeves. However, she later witnessed Que Pasa being sucked into a plot hole after Saget's destruction. Siren was mesmerized by the plot hole, and after Silky leaped into it, Siren followed suit, leaving her ultimate fate up in the air.

She wound up in the apocalyptic future, where she teamed up with a future Lupine, Jenna Talya Name and Evil von Pasa to defeat the corrupted The Guz that ruled over this future. They wound up destroying him by ending existence and ending the world; however, the world was created soon afterwards, and the newborn The Guz was able to restore Siren to life due to not dying in her natural time. There she found Que Pasa at the beginning of time, and they managed to find a plot hole to the present. The plot hole caused Siren to only remember the adventure in the apocalyptic future when she returned to her own time. She fell under Saget's control and became a laywer, but then rebelled against Saget's control with the other pirates, leading to the GCPA reforming for the final battles. Siren also re-absorbed Dark Siren into herself and prevented the alternate future from happening. At the very end, she decided to leave the GCPA for an indefinite amount of time to return to her hometown and help out around there.

Abilities

Skanky Siren can flash her chest to knock out anyone who beholds them. One flash knocks out one hundred men for three hours... or is it three hundred men for one hour? Stampede later invented special shades allowing people to look at her without passing out, which the male pirates always make sure to carry. She can probably do other things too.

In The Semi-Last Stand, the full extent of Skanky Siren's chest powers were unveiled when she took on the form of Dark Siren. Her boobs her telekinetic powers and could do nearly everything. Even though Siren lobotomized her boobs and seemed to lose these X-tra chest powers, it is possible that she has kept some.

Other Versions

Overdressed Nun, Skanky Siren's Bizarro counterpart who, well overdresses and is not as willing to show off her attractive figure.

Trivia

• She has a phobia of octupii and bananas.
• The GCPA Finale has also established a strange running gag of Siren making guys wear dresses.

In Other Media

She appears in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Movie II: The Secret of The Guz, portrayed by her creator in a few quick scenes, all of which were filmed. She also would have appeared eventually on the GCPA 411 series with the other missing pirates.

Quotes

"I smell gangsters!"
-No one remembers what this is from, except for me.