No Name
Full Name: Stryfe Name
Birthdate: A long long time ago
Species: Human
Nationality: United States of America
Creator: No Name
First Appearance: The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Prequel
Background[edit]
No Name's long and complicated past started when he was born Stryfe Name, son of the Judo Master Clyde Worthen and an unknown mother. But Clyde feared he might accidentally flip Stryfe into a wall due to the baby's intense ugliness, so Clyde put his child up for adoption. Stryfe was adopted by Dr. Lipton, some strange dude who hated Jedi Knights even though Stryfe grew to become a Jedi prodigy. But, fearing that Stryfe would fall to some prophecy or something, Lipton made a clone brother of Stryfe called Mors who turned to the Dark Side and became Darth Angello before becoming un-Darth.
Haunted by his battles with his family, Stryfe abandoned his old name, calling himself No Name, and started wandering the world endlessly until he came across the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada. After sparring to a draw with the first mate Que Pasa (starting a long-running rivalry between the two), No Name was admitted into the GCPA as the crew's resident Jedi and ugly guy during The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Prequel. He was the crew's fifth member, counting the captain and first mate. No was seperated from the crew for several years after he was captured by the Navy, but he returned in time to rejoin the GCPA on the moon during The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA.
No Name learned to fit in with the crew, his best friend on the crew being Edwin. He is also a close worshiper of The Guz, and at one point it was said that he was Siren's sister for mere shock reasons.
The Dark Side[edit]
No Name turned evil not once, but twice over the course of several posts in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Sequel. First, when the GCPA was being attacked by Captain Duck-Hand Frzlngd and the navy, Mors convinced him to become Darth Fithica or something to repel the navy forces. But the GCPA defeated the navy with ease as usual, causing No Name to revert to his good side.
Then he turned evil again after some strange Star Wars Episode III-inspired plot involving Mors again. This time he called himself Darth Minica. All the other pirates referred to No Name's Sith identity as simply Darth Ugly, an accurate description of his abilities.
Good Again[edit]
During the storyline of The Secret of The Guz, he was leaving behind piracy to become a farmer. However he was called back when he saw that Darth Curry had seduced Edwin to the dark side. No Name was killed in the ensuing lightsaber battle with Curry, but he was later revived by Edwin's tears. He was also among those pirates mysteriously missing during the 411 series, but he eventually returned.
In the GCPA Finale, he was forced to bid his old rival/man-lover Que Pasa farewell after Que Pasa left the crew, with No Name refusing to abandon Captain Scruffy. Despite this, in the next chapter he proceeded to get himself captured by the ninjas and made into Ninja Queen Vagineta's pet. Teaching her about science has caused the two to share considerable chemistry. He was reunited with most of his friends at Count Gonad's ball, but he and Vagineta were then taken prisoner without a fight once Darth Curry and Pink Ninja usurped the ninja throne. However, they were all freed after the traumatic 1 Vs. 100 fight and the GCPA was then reformed for the final battles. After the battle was won, No Name continued his dealings with Vagineta, pursued his usual hijinx with Que Pasa and found time to reconnect with Edwin.
Abilities[edit]
Aside from his extreme ugliness and his horrible pun-stringing, No Name also has various Jedi abilities. No Name moreso acts as the group scientist and shows great amount of intelligence, especially compared to his comrades.
Other Versions[edit]
No Name's Bizarro counterpart is Every Name, a man who was born with every name in existence.
Trivia[edit]
- While Mors is his clone brother, Some Name (based on his real life younger brother) seems to be his birth brother.
In Other Media[edit]
No Name appeared in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Movie: Gorilla of Fate, which showcased his being one of the few pirates with actual intelligence. He will also be appearing in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Movie II: The Secret of The Guz. In both productions he is portrayed by his creator, Steven Santos.
Quotes[edit]
No Name: *gives Cap a hammer* Hold this while I nail your wife!
Stampede: Eh No Name, it wasn't bad. But it wasn't good. I'll give you a 3.5 of 5.
No Name: Thanks.
That Krazy Dude: I'll give you a 3 out of potato salad.
-An exchange from Sausage Fest '08
No Name: I AM SONIC! I CAN FLY! (jumps out window and lands in a box of glass, then gets attack by rabid dogs)
No Name: Stop right there, impostor! I'm the real Sonic!
Sonic: No way! We'll race around the world to see which of us is real!
No Name: It's on!
*Sonic dashes off. No Name runs after him, then falls out a window and into a box of glass, where he's attacked by rabid dogs for a third time.*
No Name: I dare you to try, wimp! I'll go Super Sonic on you!
*Chodemeister grabs No Name by the third leg and swings him around, then flings him out the window, and he misses the box of glass.*
No Name: Yes, I've broken the loop! (Chodemeister drops a box of glass and rabid dogs on him) NOOO FATE WINS AGAIN!!!
No Name: (shouts at Que Pasa) You idiot, you're sacrificing freedom for security- (slips and falls over, slides down the slope and into the traffic-infested street) AHHHB THIS IS WORSE THAN ALL THE GLASS AND RABID DOGS OF THE WORLD!!!!111
-The evolution of a running gag, all above quotes from The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Adventures Featuring Magilla Gorilla in: Crouching Testicle Hidden Penis
Jebus: This guy sure has balls to try capturing you guys.
No Name: Hey! *points menacingly* If anyone is gonna make puns...ITS ME!
-The Ice-Negger Cometh
"And this is what I have to say!" *grabs wine bottles and cracks against head* "The blood gives it an extra zest."
-Bronze Cobra Conspiracy, Chapter II.