Story:MMEDDP2 Chapter 3
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Chapter 3[edit]
That night, at the Inaugural showdown...
TDPJ: Ladies and gentlemen, at the top of the stairway we see President Vorpal and First Lady Sapphire, clad in formal evening wear. She, of course, is wearing the "Lady In Red" outfit she made famous during the campaign. The reporters are snapping pictures of the controversial red ball gown that Sapphire is wearing, which led to this showdown. Okay, now, there's Vice President Ditto meeting them at the top of the stairway, and they exchange a few words...
Ditto: Most of the guests have arrived, Mr. President.
Sapphire: And Dubya and Laurya?
Ditto: No sign of them yet.
Vorpal: Maybe they won't arrive!
Announcer: Announcing the arrival of Mr. Bush, and his lovely wife, Laura!
*Laurya sweeps in, nearly shoving over Dubya, in her own version of the 'Lady In Red' outfit*
Vorpal: Aw, crud.
Dubya: Good evenin' Americky!
Ditto: Don't worry too much, sir. It's said that Bush has only danced in public on two occasions.
Sapphire: You mean?
Ditto: It's possible but... it may just be that... Bush can't boogie!
Vorpal: Bush can't boogie?
Sapphire: Bush can't boogie?
Murmurs of the guests: Bush can't boogie? Bush can't boogie! Bush can't etc.
*Laurya sees Sapphire, gives a huge toothy grin and waves. Sapphire gives back a smile*
Laurya: I am so pleased to be here! In fact, I brought something for everyone! I hope you'll all enjoy...
*Dubya takes the towel off a silver platter covered with...*
Laurya: ...Cowboy cookies!
Sapphire: *Eyes Pop*
Laurya: My own special recipe! Help... mmf... stop that, George, mrph... yourselves! *slaps Dubya's hand away as he tries to reach over her shoulder for some*
Dubya: Awwww... I luv them cookies...
Laurya: Oh, all right... *hands him one* (just don't eat a bunch and get sleepy, okay? We've gotta out-dance those two!)
Dubya: Mmmmm.
Sapphire: Grrr... Cowboy cookies...!
Vorpal: ...I never get any cowboy cookies. :sad:
TDPJ: *crunch crunch* Mr. and Mrs. Bush have arrived, and she has brought her trademark cowboy cookies. *crunch crunch* They appear to have chocolate chunks, butter, and *crunch crunch* OOooh! Nuts!
Donaldson: And what about the actual events, Peter?
TDPJ: *crunch, crunch* Hmmf?
Ditto: This is bad. Those cowboy cookies are going to enforce her 'kind, warm, lovable, simple' image. This could make Saph look bad by comparison. Even if she does dance well.
Sapphire: Now what do I do?
Vorpal: ...Make me some cowboy cookies?
Sapphire: Shut-up.
Dubya: *talking to press* Well, I'm just disappointed that I did not have the chance to unificate, America.
elsewhere . . .
Vorpal: Now, I'm hungry.
Saph: Then eat some of those appetizers!
Vorpal: Ooh! Mini hotdogs!
Ditto: How is he so easily amused?
Sapphire: Okay everyone, time to stop eating those cookies and work it off with some dancing!
...
Sapphire: *sweat*
Ditto: What is it?
Sapphire: They're ignoring me. C'mon, Vorp, I suppose it's up to us to set the standards-..Eh, Vorp? Where did he go?
Ditto: I don't-.. He's over there!
Laurya: You want some of my cookies, eh? *smiles* Why, certainly. But, you'll have to beg.
Vorpal: Anything! Must..have.. cowboy..cookies!
Ditto: *sweat* How is he so easily amused?
Sapphire: Unfair advantage!
*After eating a few cookies, Vorpal gets tired and goes to sleep, as do some of the other people who ate them*
TDPJ: *crunch crunch* ...As I was saying, simply delightful cookies. *crunch crunch* zzzzzz......
Sapphire: I sense foul play!
Laurya: They're much too tired to dance now, hehehe.
Ditto: There's a word for that... cheating!
Laurya: I'm insulted.
Sapphire: Grrrr...
Old Man: Soon, we will be able to regain proper control, first the White House, then the world!
Barbara: That is if we pull this off again..
Old Man: Oh, just go back into the kitchen.
Barbara: *sigh* Yes dear.
*Ditto grabs a glass o' milk and dashes toward Vorpal*
Ditto: Wake up!!!
*splashes Vorpal with milk*
Vorpal: Hmmm? Wha...? MMM... milk... *licks face and starts to nod off again*
Ditto: NO! You must help Sapphire out-dance Dubya, or you'll be humiliated, and the public will see Dubya and Laurya as superior!
Vorpal: ...Superrrer... *snooare*
Ditto: Um... You'll lose your power!
Vorpal: *jars awake* No... must have... power...
*Ditto pulls Sapphire over to him and tosses him into her arms*
Sapphire: Music!
*the orchestra plays. Sapphire drags the limp Vorpal across the floor. Meanwhile, Dubya and Laurya dance...*
Laurya: *whispering to Dubya* How can you mess up a two-step...?! It's ONE TWO, ONE TWO...
Dubya: Whoa, now. There's that fuzzy math again...
~This hereby concludes the fuzzy-math joke portion of our show (accepts money from Republican National Convention)~
Sapphire: C'mon! Vorpal! It's not that hard! Just PLEASE stay focused!
Vorpal: *burp*
Ditto: This is getting bad. People are staring...
*The night drags on. Dubya and Laurya continue fumblin' stumblin' and mumblin'. Vorp, however, is too sleepy from the milk and cookies, so it's a toss up. Suddenly, though... Ditto gets a WONDERFUL IDEA!*
Ditto: I have an idea!
*He runs out of the hall. Later, he bursts into the Cabinet Room*
PWD: *gasp* Vice President Ditto!
Ditto: *imperiously* P. W. Deeson. Come forth.
PWD: Y-yessir. *walks forward*
Ditto: You consider yourself pretty smart, huh?
PWD: Yes!
Ditto: Okay, here's a riddle for you: How does the Vice President of the United States get Garth Brooks?
PWD: *thinks* I dunno.
Ditto: *smiles* Like this: *grabs him by his tie* GET ME GARTH BROOKS!!!
PWD: Y-yessir! Wait! I don't know who he is! MagiKoopa! Fuzzball! Get this Garth Brooks fellow!
MK and YM: *salute* Sir, yes sir! *runs*
~A few minutes later, in Nashville Tennessee...~
*That night, Garth Brooks leaves the Grand Ol' Opry House with his guitar*
Garth Brooks: G'night, y'all! You been great! Yeah-hoooo!
*Magikoopa and Fuzzball approach him from the shadows*
Magikoopa: Mr. Brooks. You must come with us. Vice President Ditto McCloaker desires your presence at Capitol Hill immediately.
Garth Brooks: Why, shore, little turtle! It'd be mah pleasure to do a service to my countr- mmph!
~Fuzzball presses a chloroformed rag onto the famous country-singer's face, who collapses~
Magi: You know, he just said he'd come willingly...
Fuzzball: *shrugs* If I don't use up what they give me, Congress cuts my "Cloak and Dagger Activity" budget next quarter.
Magi: Good point.
*they sack him and drag him back to the Sky Palace III...*
~Meanwhile, back at the Capitol~
Ditto: *in his closet at the Naval Observatory (where the VP lives)* Hmmm... Where did I put that? Aha! *Grabs something and runs back to the Ballroom*
*At the Ballroom, Magi and FB drop the grunting sack, and untie it. Garth Brooks staggers up*
Garth Brooks: Hey. This is one o' them fancy balls! Whoo-eee! Why am I here?
Ditto: *from shadows* To play, Mr. Brooks. *whispers in his ear*
Garth Brooks: Ahhh...
~On the dance floor, the long night wears on... Suddenly, the crowd parts as a tall man walks up to the stage with his guitar.~
Sen. McCain: It's Garth Brooks!
Garth Brooks: Howdy, y'all. I'm so pleased to be here. A special benefactor has invited me, to play a favorite song o' mine, and I hope it's one o' yers.
- spotlight hits him, and he begins to strum his guitar and sing*
Garth: Blame it all on my roots...
Crowd: *Gasp!*
Garth: ...I showed up in boots...
Crowd: *even though it consists of white, wealthy, upper-class men, the women cheer loudly*
Garth: ...And ruined your black tie affair...
Laurya: *gasp* Oh no! Country music!
Garth: The last one to know,
The last one to show,
I was the last one you thought you'd see there...
~Another figure shows at the top of the stairway. He slouches against a wall mysteriously, wearing a cowboy hat~
Garth: I saw the surprise,
And the fear in his eyes,
As I took his glass of champagne,
~The figure raises his hat to reveal... Ditto! He saunters down the steps and grabs Sapphire, who drops Vorpal~
Ditto: Ever line-dance?
Sapphire: ???
Ditto: Follow my lead...
Garth: I toasted you,
Said darlin' we may be through,
..But you'll never hear me complaaaain!
*Ditto leads Sapphire in a swingin' country line-dance, as Dubya and Laurya struggle to keep up*
Dubya: *stumbling* I can't country line-dance!
Laurya: I thought you were a cowboy!!!
Dubya: I cain't help it! I'm also a middle-aged wealthy white Republican!
Laurya: Nooo...
*Ditto guides Sapphire over in front of the news media, and twirls her, showing off her red ball gown. They snap picture after picture*
Garth: 'Cause I got friends,
In LOW places,
Where the whiskey drowns, and the beer chases
My blues away...
N' I'll be okay...
Laurya: You lump! Listen to those lyrics! This could practically be your theme song!
Dubya: Oh yeah, THAT'S why it sounds so familiar...
Garth: I'm not big
On social graces,
Think I'll slip on down,
To the O-asis,
So, I got friends...
In LOOOOOOOOOOOOOW plaaa-aaces!
*Soon the whole room, full of respected politicians and austere wives, is on their feet, clapping in rhythm, and doing the boot-scoot boogie, while Ditto helps Sapphire wow the press. Vorpal snores happily away, and Laurya frantically tries to figure out what to do next*
*meanwhile, in a corner*
Laurya: This must not be tolerated.
Dubya: Well, my dear, what do you intend to do?
Laurya: Well lets see... I outdid her with my secret recipe, but they managed to out dance us because of that vice president dude. Shouldn't there be laws against men like him?
Dubya: Men like who dear?
Laurya: Men with brains. Well let’s see here, I suppose that leaves one thing...
Dubya: What's that, dear?
Laurya: Bring out Cheney!
Dubya: *sweat* Even though he was brought on to offset my natural incompetence in managerial areas and so forth... isn't he easily subjected to things like... hart attacks? And I'm not following you.
Laurya: Witz. It's all about those dear. I'm not about to lose them either. I'll out wit them, and I'll win for sure! A mere child cannot possibly outwit me.
Dubya: What's Cheney for?
Laurya: Distraction.
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