Story:MMEDDP3 Chapter 2
| Chapters in Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik 3: Very Foreign Policy |
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Vorpal[edit]
Geeze, I'm only gone for a couple days and you think I'm on vacation, for your information, Monday, I could only post to the FFOG and then I had to type up a report for school. ?Yesterday was my dad’s birthday, and all I could do was post that pic on the FFOG, so just chill. And welcome, Luigi of the Pipes, another rule that we’d like you to follow, is do not put your signature up when posting to this OG or basically any OG, it just clutters up the story, and makes it harder to read, and beside that, you’re welcome to join, maybe my two Goomba’s could make an appearance? Hmm, probably not, PWD is already covering the Nintendo front. And, Ditto, I think Bob Dole should be your Vice President. That would be cool. Well I guess I gotta post since you think I’m on vacation! *bad razz* which is totally untrue, I’m just busy.
Vorpal: Mm, this is very good!
Insane: Thanks, I got it from Martha Stewart.
MagiKoopa: And you get satellite?
Insane: Not since you guys bombed my radar site, last January.
Vorpal: Serves you right, no one should be getting cable for free.
Insane: Yeah, well, the UN should’ve never given me those restrictions anyway.
Vorpal: You know, Insane, you’re not so bad.
Insane: It’s because people judge, before they even meet me *breaks down in tears*
MagiKoopa: 8pats Insane’s back* There, there, it’s okay.
Insane: It’s just that, that, I’m just like any other guy, I just want to control the world’s oil supply, and get HBO for free.
Vorpal: It’s all right. *hands Insane a tissue*
Insane: Thanks.
Vorpal: No problem, just let it all out.
Masamune[edit]
*PWD is walking up the halls*
PWD: *sigh* My job is getting boring, with all this Uranium at our disposal.. nothing for me to do. Hmmm... *wheels in head begin to turn* Perhaps... perhaps I can get Brussel Sprouts legalized!
*Meanwhile... in Hollywood*
Same: Hmm... this is the place.
Mune: Aye, aye that it is. *yawn* Man, that plane trip sure was long.
Same: That it was... well, we better get to work!
*In Masa and Mura's join office*
Masa: Zzz...
Mura: *snore*
*just outside of the room*
PWD: Ack! Well, I'm sure the VP will be proud, they finally got their job right! *continues his walk*
Mura: *bubble pops* Ack! Wha? Where? Ah, still here.
Masa: ....
Mura: *nudges Masa, waking him up* Did you get the camera's installed?
Masa: I thought YOU were going to do that!
Mura: *frown* Let's go ahead and do it...
*Masa looks over the comfy couch he was sleeping on, opens one of the cushions to find a camera inside!*
Masa: HEEEEY! Someone left a camera insdie here!
Mura: Well, get rid of it! We need to install out cameras... *pulls something out of a ventilation shaft* Well, seems someone left one here too!
Masa: What do you think they are for?
Camera: SECURITY!
Masa: Maybe their for Security.
Camera: Whew...
Mura: Perhaps. Trash them.
Camera: NOO-- *CRUNCH*
Masa: Well, better get our cameras inside! Once we get a camera inside every possible spot... Then we can REALLY get down to business.
Mura: *nods* And we will also have something to watch when we get bored!
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
*Luigi pounds on the door, until the frustrated Serviceman re-opens it.*
Luigi: A plumber?! Well, that was my old job, but I heard that President-in-standing Ditto McCloaker needed a VP.
Secret Serviceman: And you want to be it? Yeah, right. What are you, 15?
Luigi: No. Well, yeah I'm 15, but my Goomba friend here does want to be that position.
*Slort salutes with his tongue.*
SS: ....
Luigi: So, I came as his diplomatic traslator, as he can only speak Goombeli.
SS: Service entrance.
Luigi: But...
SS: Service entrance.
Luigi: You see...
SS: SERVICE ENTRANCE!!!!!!!
Luigi: But you see, I want to...'
SS (Through the mike on his collar): Get the tear gas ready.
OoC: Thanks for the welcome!
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
Luigi: Uhhh, did I mention that his brother is the Senator of Florida?
SS: Service...entrance!
Luigi: I'm not a plumber for cryin' out loud!
SS: Then the tour groups are currently unavailable!
Luigi: Look, at least let me tell you our story.
SS: .......fine.........
Luigi: It all starts fifteen years ago. I was a bright youngin' living in the Forest of Illusions, until.... so you see.... and.... then.... the horror! ....but ....which is why...................
.............. ......... ..........
<Three hours later>
Luigi: ......... ....... .... .
.................... ..................
.........and so that's why we're here!
*The Secret Serviceman has fallen asleep, leaving the door wide open.*
Luigi: Sweet! Now let's go find President McCloaker, Slort.
Parasol Waddle Dee[edit]
PWD- Rocky, reconsider! Coffee is R-E-A-L-L-Y bad for your system! I mean, you won't be able to cough up minerals of any kind!
Rocky-...Gimme...coffee....must.....have...
PWD- Okay, that's it: I'm going to tie you down, screaming or not, until you no longer have the urge to drink the expresso.
Rocky-...NO!!!!! Darn you! *Slams into the door*
PWD-...Um...SECURITY!!!!!
Mr. Saturn enters the room, along with more Mr. Saturns.
Lead Mr. Saturn- KaY-o, DiNg! WhAt NeXt? DoInG?
PWD- Um...arrest that rock!
Lead Mr. Saturn-....DiNg?
PWD-...Er...make sure he doesn't get coffee!
Lead Mr. Saturn- KaY-o!
______________________________________________
Ditto:....Who are you guys?
Kirby- AHEM! Will all members of the system NES and system SNES please shut up, please shut up, please shut up?
Ditto:....*Sweatdrop*
Kirby- Uh...you see, Acting President Ditto, we would like to apply for the job of being Acting Vice President.
Yoshi- As all members of the systems NES, SNES, and N64 would like to apply, we notice in the human custom that you pick one. Choose wisely: one or more might be a mistake.
Ditto:...Uh...introduce that guy right there.
Kirby- Which one?
Yoshi- You mean that guy? The guy next to the other guy?
Ditto: Um...yeah.
Kirby- *Sweatdrop* Er...please step forward, Kinopio.
Kinopio- Can't you just call me "Toad"?
Kirby- Nah. Not as kawaii.
Kinopio- Uh...SERVOOS!...Um...Hi.
Ditto: ???
Kinopio- Ignore my German greeting.
Ditto:...Oh.
Yoshi- Uh, gee,...what to say about Kinopio.....
Kirby- The only game he was playable in was Mario Kart.
Yoshi- AHEM! AND Mario Kart 64!
Kirby- *frowns* Don't blame me,...I only know of us from SNES and NES...
Yoshi- Yeah. Sure. Anyway, are you sure you want Kinopio?
Ditto:...Um...
______________________________________________
PWD- Awwww! I'm bored again!! *glances down at desk* And I finished my report in what humans call "record time". Hey,...I could run around the WhiteHouse 'till I collapse...YEAH!! That'll pass the time!!!
PWD runs out of his office at what he considers "Only 5%"....
_____________________________________________
Masamune: Come on! Don't slack off again!
*ZOOM!*
Masamune: Wha--? What the heck...?!
Murasame: Something ran by. So what?
Masamune: It looked familiar...
Sgt. Flutter[edit]
Flutter:WHAAAAT?!?!?!
PK:It seems with both of our salarys combinded we still won't have enough.
*with Ditto...*
Flutter: Move asided, I've got to talk to Ditto.
Ditto: What is it now Flutter?
Flutter: *Wisper whisper whisper*
Ditto: WHAAAAAAT?!?!?!
Flutter: I've got to go there.
Ditto: You can't have a pay raise.
Flutter: Well excuse me for having a life.
Ditto: You can't have a life, you are in the goverment.
Flutter: That is what the military does for you.
PK *outside the Oval Office*: I hope Flutter can pull this off.
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
*Luigi, with Slort inside of his backpack, sneaks around the corridors of the White House. He stops at one corner as PWD runs by, but continues briskly on his way.*
Luigi: We're almost there! This should make up for the fact that I didn't bring any money and we had to starve for the first three days, no?
*Slort utters something.*
Luigi: Watch your tongue! Notice who's carrying you through this place anyway!
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
*Luigi arrives before Ditto's office. Two guards stand to either side, with looks that imply how much they want to pound the next intruder.*
Luigi: Only two? This shouldn't be too hard.
*Luigi grabs a foghorn from his pocket, wraps a stone around the button, then throws it at the furthest wall. As it hits, the foghorn lets out an ear-splitting scream that sends the guards dashing from their posts. Luigi dives into a nearby plant for cover.*
Luigi: Haha! And they say Washington is impenetrable!
*Luigi enters the corridor before Ditto's office, and notices a mini-bar in room next to it.*
Luigi: NO! Mini-bar, presidency, mini-bar, presidency...
*Luigi dashes into the mini-bar and sits down, Slort pounding his head the whole time.*
Luigi (in the lowest voice possible): I'd like a smooth martini.
*The bartender turns around to reveal the secret serviceman from the door.*
SS: Aren't you a bit young, junior?
Luigi: @#@%#&%^%$^%$!!!!!
Ditto McCloaker[edit]
Vorpal! No excuses! Get to work! *cracks whip* ...Just kidding. I understand. Sorry I seemed to be rushin' you. I was just afraid you didn't know what to do for this story. Hilarious post, BTW. No, I won't be making Bob Dole my VP, but I do have plans for him, though. BIG PLANS! Mwa ha ha ha!
Also, just so you know, Toad was also playable in SMB2 (long before your time.) Good idea with Kinopio, though! I like him too!
Luigi of the Pipes, I have a feelin' yer gonna fit in juuuuust fine around here...!
And now, my Vice President revealed!!!
*the torn up pieces of paper fly across Capitol Hill toward... an office building in the Senate. They land miraculously on the desk. A form stands over them, and, with one hand, puts them together while simultaneously doing the nation's hardest crossword and writing a speech. Reading the message, he rushes out...*
*Meanwhile, in the Front Room of the White House, Ditto sits in the midst all the chaos*
Flutter: I need appropriations for...
PWD: Lemme do it! Lemme do it!
Kinopio: ...And after I graduated from Harvard, I...
Sloop: *looks through Goombali to English translation book* 'I would like to scrub your bowler.' I mean, 'I would like to be Vice President.'
Kirby: I deserve the job because...
Bob Dole: Bob Dole would like the job. Yes, Bob Dole would. And I'm Bob Dole! Because Bob Dole thinks it's his job to- *falls down*
*Ditto sits in his chair with a sweatdrop and a giant + on his forehead*
Ditto: ENOUGH!!! EVERYBODY OUT!!!
*Sapphire and 3 Mr. Saturns shove all the candidates outside, into a horde of other waiting candidates on the Front Lawn*
Sapphire: Whew! But, you still must...
Ditto: I said interviews will begin at 5:00 sharp, and that means 5:00 and not a minute before! You see...
Ditto: *sings, to the tune of "The Life I Lead" from Mary Poppins*
The Vice President, must be a leader! That is what the nation demands! And so the person we require, to stoke the fire, Is a VP who can give commands!
Microsoft, is run with precision! My administration requires nothing less! Open-mindedness, firmness and decision, Must be in fission Without them? Anarchy! Communism! Flag-burning! Gun control! The Rise of the Religious Right! -In short, you have a ghastly mess!
*music ends*
Sapphire: Well put.
Ditto: Now, have them line up outside.
PWD: Okay.
*The VP candidates form a line, including:
Kinopio, Slorp, Sgt. Flutter, Bob Dole, Jack Kemp, Charleton Heston, Donald Trump, Pat Buchanan, Ralph Nader, Dan Quayle, Joe Lieberman, Jack Nicholson, Cheney, Pat Robertson, Orrin Hatch, Jesse Jackson, The Undertaker, Al Gore, Bill Bradley, Ross Perot, Yoshi, Bill Clinton, Gary Coleman, Jeremy D. Martin, Fidel Castro, Eric Hamilton, Barry Goldwater, Al Gore, Mr. Burns, Tom Daschle, Richard Nixon, Al Gore, Jamien Watson, Batman, Krusty the Clown, Weird Al Yankovic, Golem, Walt Whitman, Ronald Reagan, Osama Bin-Ladin, and Al Gore*
Sapphire: Okay, they're all lined up.
Ditto: Good. Lessee... *checks watch* Five minutes til five.
*Upstairs, Masa and Mura are looking out an upstairs window at all the depressing candidates for VP on the Front Lawn*
Masa: *sigh* They aren't what we advertised for at all.
Mura: Just more career politicians... *sigh*
Masa: Hey! Look! *points up at sky* What's that up there?
*A lady floats down from the clouds holding an umbrella and a carpet bag...
...until she is sucked into the engine of a B-52 bomber that roars by. It does a barrel roll or two and streaks overhead. It launches a pair of air-to-land missles, 'blowing the candidates away'. Then, the cockpit opens, and a man jumps out. A parachute opens and he glides to the ground*
Masa: WOW! Is that a terrorist?
Mura: Don't be silly. A terrorist's parachute wouldn't have the Stars and Stripes on it!
*The man lands, cuts his lines, and marches, military-style to the front door of the White House*
~Inside~
Ditto: Okay. It is now 5:00. Show in the first applicant.
Sapphire: Right. *opens door, and is shocked to see only one man standing there, about 5'9", middle-aged, in robust health, in military uniform, no less. He bows politely to her, and strides in*
Ditto: Yes?
*looks up*
Sapphire: Announcing...
Masa: It's...!
Mura: If it isn't...!
PWD: That's...!
Rocky: Here comes...!
Ditto: Why... you're...!
Man: ~salutes~ **John McCain**.
(No nickname. The stars denote my respect for him)
Ditto: What are you doing here?
**McCain**: I got the letter, so I have come to apply.
Ditto: But... I tore up the... I mean, I... Oh, what the heck. You're hired! *shakes hands with him across the table* Sapphire, dismiss the other applicants.
Sapphire: Uh, okay...
*peeks head out door and sees only a pair of smoking craters*
Sapphire: ...The position has been filled. *shuts the door*
Luigi: Did you hear that, Slorp? *lifs up a piece of rubble to reveal the Goomba*
Slorp: Islip, jovie (Aw, rats.)
~Inside~
Ditto: Well, I'd love to have you, but... we'll need Senate approval.
*In Senate building*
Ditto: I hereby propose **Sen. John McCain** to be the Acting Vic President of the United States. All in favor?
Senate: Urhm... mumble, mumble...
**McCain**: *eyes glinting* Would you rather I came back to the Senate?
Senate: Aye! Aye! For God's sake, take him! Keep him away!
Ditto: Well, looks like the room has spoken. You're in!
**McCain**: Pleasure to be aboard, sir. *salutes*
PWD: So... that's the new VP. Will he and Ditto get along, though?
*cue montage of Ditto and John McCain swappin' stories, laughing, joking, pouring the same drink, laughing at the same movie, riding go-carts on the East Lawn, and playing Battleship with real ships, and basically showing automatic comaraderie while happy montage music plays in background*
PWD: Well, I guess that answers that question.
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
Luigi: Dangit! Now how can I get an A in US History? Maybe you should try for another position in the White House. A high one, not toilet scruber.
*SLORT mutters something.*
Luigi: Why? Because I didn't bring any money for a ride home...... And I wanna meet ActingPrez Ditto too.
SS: Who's laughing now junior?! Hahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!
Luigi of the Pipe[edit]
Luigi: Hey buddy! How about I come over there and shove a toilet scruber up your sorry butt?!
*The Secret Serviceman pulls out his nightstick.*
SS: C'mon then!
Luigi: A nightstick? How primitive! Look at this baby!
*Luigi whips the lightsaber off of his belt. He ignites the purple blade, then realizes that he forgot to recharge. The blade flickers and dies.*
Luigi: .......eep. Well, eh heh. Run Slort! Run for your life!
*Luigi and Slort dash across the White House lawn, while the Secret Serviceman scratches his noggin'.*
Reporter: Education Secretary Dodo! What do you plan to do about the recent string of school shootings, starting in Pennsylvania?
Dodo: Pennsylvania? I thought it started at Columbine.
Reporter: Errr....... on with the question! What do you plan to do?
Dodo: No comment.
Reporter: So you're just going to let your future voters shoot each other to the extinction of all we worked for?! All that we strived to accomplish to make the United States the best darn nation under one flag? Under one nation, divided, not by race, but by who's in the big White House and who's not? By.....
*The reporter looks around to notice that Dodo ditched him in a limo.*
Reporter: Darn. Well.... uhhhhh..... hey! Look at that boy running across the lawn! I bet we could get a good story from him! Follow me!
*The reporter begins to run alongside Luigi.*
Reporter: Tell me young man, what the heck are ya doing here?
Luigi: Well, it's a long story, but I'm kinda busy running right now!
Reporter: And why are you running?
Luigi: Can't you see the enormous Serviceman chasing me?
Reporter: Nooooo......
*Luigi and Slort stop long enough to turn around.*
Luigi: Oh... You must think I'm crazy or something now, eh?
Reporter: Now, can you tell me why you're here?
Luigi: You're willing to listen?
Reporter: Sure. I gotta blow half-an-hour until my wife shows up anyway.
Luigi: Thank goodness! I was beginning to think no one cared! Now where to start... I was a bright, young lad growing up in the Forest of Illusions. That is, until.... and then... but he.... so.... but.... HORROR....! We.... and they.... ........... ................. ........ . . . ........... .................. ....... ... . ..................................... ..... ........ ........... ......... ............. ................... ....... ........
<Three hours later>
Luigi: ............... ....... ........ . ......... .. ..... ...... ................... ...... . ..... ..... .............. .......................... . . ........... ...... ..... ........ ............. .... ...... ......... . .. .. .......... . . . . . ......... ...... ....... . . . . . . ............. and that's our story. Hey!
*The reporter and cameraman sleep on the lawn. Luigi flicks the reporter's nose.*
Reporter: Ah! What time is it? Has it been half-an-hour?
*Luigi checks the chronometer on his watch.*
Luigi: 2 hours, 59 minutes, 59.99 seconds. Yes! I shaved a hundreth of a second Slort! Now my life purpose has been fulfilled!
*Slort's asleep too.*
Luigi: Geez, everybody's a critic.
Reporter: Three hours?!
Luigi: No, 2 hours, 59 min....
Reporter: My wife's gonna kill me! C'mon Frank! We gotta go!
*The reporter and cameraman rush off.*
Luigi: Well......
*Slort wakes up and mumbles a few words.*
Luigi: I know. All that we strived for... our goal to make Goombas seem more than just the goo under Mario's feet, ruined by some guy who decides to blow us up at the same time....
*Slort mutters some more.*
Luigi: Where we're gonna sleep?! What a ridiculous question! Of course I remembered to reserve a room at the...hotel....
*Luigi checks his pockets and realizes that he doesn't have a suitable ID card, or the claim check for the hotel.*
Luigi: They'll never believe us. Guess we'll be sleepin' under the stars tonight, and tomorrow, and the day after that....
*More Goombeli.*
Luigi: Go ask Prez Ditto for a place in the White House? We can't get back in, remember dummy!
*Slort points his tongue at the service entrance.*
Luigi: Hey...... not a bad idea.....
Vorpal[edit]
Luigi and Slort go through the service entrance. They walk down a few corridors and bump into none other than Ditto.
Luigi: Oh, Ditto, I'm Luigi, and I, uh...
Ditto: Hello, Luigi, nice to meet you, now what was it you're doing here?
Luigi: Well, um actually I was looking for a job, and a place to stay.
Ditto: Hmm, well let's see if we can work something out.
Ditto shows Luigi to the Oval Office.
Luigi: *to Slort* Wow! What a nice guy, kinda like the **McCain** fella.
(I hold great respect for McCain, too, he would've been a better President than Bush or Gore )
He, he, I like your choice, and I noticed, Al Gore was listed twice.
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
Originally posted by Vorpal: He, he, I like your choice, and I noticed, Al Gore was listed twice.
Four times, Vorp. Four times.
Luigi: The Oval Office.... losing.... oxygen....
Ditto: Uh, are you okay?
Luigi: So.... excited....
Ditto: Just put your head between your knees and breathe deeply.
Luigi: I.... can't.... breathe.... sir....
Ditto: Yeah. We'll get to that. If you want a job here, then Slort will have to fill out this form. And since he's a wee bit handicapped in the arms department...
Luigi: Gotcha....
Ditto: Right, Mr. ....., I never got your last name.
Luigi: Luigi of the Pipes, not to be confused with Luigi Mario.
Ditto: of the Pipes? That's not a last name! That's a phrase! What is it really?
Luigi: ......... do you solemnly swear never to repeat this name again?
Ditto: Uhhh, okay.
*Luigi leans in close to Ditto's ear.*
Luigi (whispering): Harripittis.
Ditto: Hairy pitts?! Bwa hahahahahahahahaha!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Luigi: It's of the Pipes from now on though, please sir?
Ditto: Okay okay, I'll go with that.
Sgt. Flutter[edit]
I don't want to be Vice president and I still get blown up. This is so cool!!!
PK: We could always hijack a jet or something.
SF: That would never work. It is almost imposible.
*across the street...*
Man: This jet won't go anywhere. Let's go have a lunch break.
Man2: Ok.
PK: You were saying...
SF: That is just stealing.
Nintenfreak Junior[edit]
Somewhere in the Petagon:
NintF Jr. as FBI agent Mulder: [mission Impossible music]
NintF Jr.: Ah ha! the secret papers!
[pindrop]
Gaurd: Who's in there?
NintF Jr. to self: think fast
NintF Jr.: Your mother!
Gaurd: Mom? What are you doing here?
NintF Jr.: Trying to find out who won Survivor II!
Gaurd: Oh okay.
NintF Jr.: Hee hee! Russia'll pay me big for these! Hee hee!
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
*Luigi looks down at the form Ditto gave him.*
NAME (first and last):
Luigi: Uh, sir! Slort doesn't have a last name....
Ditto: Just make one up.
NAME: Slort Goomboy
AGE: 32 (Goomba years)
BIRTHDATE: 12/2/85
BIRTHPLACE: Forest of Illusions
MARRITAL STATUS: Engaged
LIVING RELATIVES: One brother: Splog
MEDICAL RECORD: Healthy as a horse
IF YOU COULD CHOOSE ONE MAN FOR PRESIDENT ASIDE FROM DITTO, WHO WOULD IT BE? Fill in the circle that is approximately 23.4 mm from the top (or bottom) of the last letter in the name.
**John McCain** 0 0 0 Bill Clinton o o George Dubya Bush O Al Gore @ @ @ @ Slort the Goomba D D D D D
Luigi: Hey look Slort! You're on this application! I think we should choose **McCain** though, since he's the VP and everyone here seems to respect him.
*Slort mumbles something.*
Luigi: Yes I know he blew us up, but now is the perfect time to make amends, eh?
*Slort glumly nods his head. Luigi pulls a ruler from his pocket and find **McCain's** circle.*
Luigi: God! This is worse than the Florida ballots!
POSITION YOU'RE APPLYING FOR: Choose one available position. HEALTH SECRETARY SECRET SERVICEMAN All other positions seem to be filled.
Luigi: I highly suggest the Health Secretary.
*Slort nods in agreement, then asks a question.*
Luigi: No, I don't think the fact that you touch and hold everything with your tongue instead of your hands makes a difference. They'll never know, heh heh...
WHAT PARTY ARE YOU A PART OF (or wish to be a part of): Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik Party!
Luigi: There. Now we'll just hand this over to Ditto, and soon we'll be on easy street!
*Luigi and Slort break into song. "Easy Street" from the musical "Annie", to be specific.*
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