Story:MMEDDP3 Chapter 5
| Chapters in Mega Mega Extreme Doki Doki Panik 3: Very Foreign Policy |
| 1 - 2 - 3 - 4 - 5 - 6 - 7 - 8 - 9 - 10 - 11 - 12 |
Sgt. Flutter[edit]
*on the streets...*
Flutter: *walikng by a store that sells TVs* Wow ditto is on TV. I can't believe it. I've been gone for awhile and during that time Ditto becomes a star.
Kid: Hey mister, I want your auto graph.
Flutter: Sure why not. *signs his book* I'm going in there to buy a hand held TV so Ditto will know what is going on.
*at the White House...*
Ditto: I need TV.
Flutter: *runs in* Ditto look at this!
Ditto: Your a lifesaver Flutter. *takes the TV*
Flutter: Wait don't change the channel. Something important is on.
Ditto: But...
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
*LOTP skips up to his room and absentmindedly knocks over Mr. McCain.*
LOTP: Gack! Johnny! I-I'm so sorry!
McCain: Accidents happen.
LOTP: Good.
*LOTP thinks back to what he was doing before he bumped into McCain.*
LOTP: Ummmm, hey! Do you know where Vorpal is?
McCain: Not a clue.
*LOTP looks skyward and shakes his fist around.*
LOTP: You lying sack of.....!
McCain: Are you addressing me?
LOTP: No. It's the voice that I heard a little bit ago.
McCain: And only you can hear these voices?
LOTP: Did you hear it?
McCain: No.
LOTP: Then I guess so.
*McCain looks at LOTP for a second, then spins and walks off.*
LOTP: Hey wait! Not even a theory?
*No response.*
LOTP: Crap. Back to the ol' drawing board... However.... I have been itching to visit Slort. He must be real lonely as the only Goomba in office......
Ditto McCloaker[edit]
~**McCain** continues around a corner, into the Oval Office~
**McCain**: Man, and they said I was nuts. Hey, Ditto, Saph. That wire's gonna be a while.
Ditto: Thanks. You did your best.
**McCain**: Thanks. Anyway, I'm going over to the Congress building. We've got a beating scheduled for this afternoon. *leaves*
Sapphire: I'm sure he meant meeting.
Ditto: *thoughtfully* With him, you can't always tell the difference.
*red phone on desk rings*
Ditto: Uh-oh. The Hot Line.
*picks it up*
on other end: This is Xiang Zemin! We have President Vorpal and MagiKoopa!
Ditto: What?!
Zemin: That's right! You're plane was flying recklessly over us, and one of our purely innocent, totally faultless and disciplined pilots was winged by your evil, reckless, dangerous Capitalist leader. The plane crashed. Now, we want an apology!
Ditto: *puts his hand over phone* Gee, what do I do now?
Sapphire[edit]
Sapphire: Um... What does he want?
Ditto: He wants us to apologize.
Sapphire: That's simple enough. You do that while I think this through.
Ditto: Sure. *back on phone* So you say you have Vorpal and MagiKoopa held hostage?
Zemin: Yes.
Ditto: Uh..will you release them?
Zemin: What kind of a person do you think I am? *regains composure* Mr. McCloaker, i would kindly like to inform you that this message is being taperecorded and will be thenn broadcast to the general public. Sending planes to spy over our country!
Ditto: Huh? I never sent any--..
Zemin: The prisoners even admitted it themselves that they were under orders from you. They say you are the real brains behind the White House and are the reason why Vorpal has made so many errors!
Ditto: No..no...no!
Sapphire: Give me that. *takes the phone* All right Mr. Zemin, how about you give us some actual proof that you have Vorpal and MagiKoopa over there. We have to talk to them ourselves before we believe this phony story you've thought up.
Zemin: Eh.. you Americans. We'll call back later with the er.. 'proof'.
*hangs up*
Ditto: *raising eyebrows* that one got to him.
Sapphire: the question is, what do we do now?
Ditto: I thought that I asked you that question already.
Sapphire: Oh yeah. *shrugs* I suppose we can wait for him to call back. Or find a way to prove..or disprove his accusations. Something about this whole bit doesn't seem to be 'on the level'. First unauthorized cable, now this turns up!
Ditto: You are correct. We must find out more before we can act...
Zemin: Uh, Saddam.. we have a big problem.
Insane: We heard. *glares at Vorpal* so what do we do now?
Zemin: Well, they desire proof that I have indeed captured Vorpal and Magikoopa.
Vorpal: We overheard the whole conversation. No way would I admit to such lies!
Insane: So you're admitting that the entire downfall of America is indeed your fault?
Vorpal: Uhh....
Insane: heh. So, what do you say?
Vorpal: What if I refuse?
Insane: Hold that thought while we figure out some form of motivation.
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
*LOTP and five men in black suis walk through an airport.*
LOTP: Okay reader, you probably wanna know why I'm here. When I heard that the Chinese crashed into our plane and expected an apology, I decided to take matters into my hands. That was a spy plane, after all.
Fed #1: Hurry up. We will be late for the plane.
LOTP: Just a blinkin' minute!
Fed #4: We cannot wait another minute.
*The Feds pick up LOTP and carry him toward the plane.*
LOTP: And they think I'm cold.....
Ditto: How has that CIA Chief been working out?
McCain: Our records say that the last important thing he did was bust Clinton in the Pentagon. In fact, that was the FIRST important thing he did...
Ditto: Hmmmm, tell him that if he doesn't stop an assassination soon, he's fired.
McCain: Gotcha.
*McCain knocks on LOTP's door.*
LOTP (secret recording): I am busy preventing an assassination. Come back after supper.
McCain: He didn't.........
McCain: LOTP took action against the Chinese plane..........
Ditto: What?! That little.......
Sapphire: This is gonna ruin everything, isn't it?
Ditto: Yup.......... But look at the good side. Maybe Zemin will shoot down his plane before they reach Hainan Island.
Ditto McCloaker[edit]
I suddenly had this idea, and HAD to write it immediately! I'm between classes, I hope you appreciate this!
Ditto: Let's see. What we need is some good ol' fashioned negotiation.
Sapphire: But, who will we get?
Ditto: I hate to admit it, but Clintin' was good at this stuff.
Sapphire: Yeah, but he's barricaded in that office of his.
PWD: Why does he need an office like that ridiculously huge, anyway?
Sapphire: To hide from the taxpayers when they find out how much it cost them, among other things.
Ditto: Then, we'll need the next best person!
Saph: Who?
Ditto: Only one person was at his elbow during his Middle East negotiations. Only one man who could have absorbed Clintin's skills... Algore.
Saph: Oh no.
Da-da-da-dum
*snap, snap*
Da-da-da-dum
*snap, snap*
Da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dum, da-da-da-dump
*snap, snap*
They're creepy and they're boring,
Banal and unadoring,
They'll probably leave you snoring,
The Algore Family!
They used to live in the observatory,
At the height of Clintin's glory,
But that's another story,
The Algore Family!
Da-da-da-dum
*snap, snap*
~Later that day, Ditto and Saph arrive at the gates of the Gore's current home. Lightning flashes. They walk up and ring the bell~
*A very tall, grim version of Algore opens the door*
Algore: YOU RANG?
Sapphire: *whispers* Who's that?
Ditto: That's 'Original Al.' Very boring, very stiff, very overbearing. They put him in the trunk during the campaign. *to Algore* Um, can we see Tipper?
Algore: FOLLOW ME.
*they follow into the main hall, where they find Tipper.*
Tipper: Well, if it isn't the Paniker President and the First Widow!
Ditto: This is important. We need to find Algore.
Tipper: Take your pick.
*at that moment, "Man of Action Al" swings in with a sword, and swordfights with "Lover Al."*
Ditto: We need "Policy-Wonk Al." The one who promised to cooperate with everyone, for a peace-keeping mission.
Tipper: Oh, he's the one lecturing over at the College right now. Figured I'd put his knowledge to work. Go ask him.
Ditto: Okay.
*they turn to leave, but Sapphire turns around*
Sapphire: Just what do you see in Algore, anyway?
Tipper: Let's just say I get a charge out of him.
*"Lover Al" turns around and kisses her on the lips. Her hair stands on end as electricity snaps all over her. Sapphire shakes her head, and walks out after Ditto*
~They arrive at the College~
Sapphire: This is the classroom we were directed to.
*they walk in, and the room is full of students slumped over on their desks, others sprawled out in the aisles. Snores fill the room. At the other end is Algore, droning away. He stops when he sees them*
Algore: Yes?
Ditto: Ummm... Are these students all asleep?
Algore: Yes. *holds up one's wrist and takes his pulse. He then drops it, shaking his head* Well, most of them anyway.
Ditto: We need you for a peacemaking delegation in Asia. We need you to get Vorpal back.
Algore: I'll do it.
Ditto: Great.
Algore: But, I need someone to teach the class.
Ditto: Hmmm. What's the subject?
Algore: Asian history.
Voice: I'll do it!
*they all turn around, to see **McCain** striding in the door*
McCain: Leave it to me!
Ditto: Okay.
**McCain** walks in, and takes out a concussion bomb, which he throws into the middle of the room. It goes off, with minor casualties, waking everyone else up*
**McCain**: Alright, class! I'm Professor McCain! I'll be your substitute! Today, we're gonna study my favorite book, Wing Fa's "The Art of War!" I've read it 16 times, and it gets funnier EVERY TIME I READ IT! Ha ha ha ha!
*the students look at each other nervously, as Ditto, Saph, and Algore leave*
Ditto: Now, there's the issue of how to get you there, Al...
I'll finish this later. It's really long, but it's the funniest thing you've ever read! I had to do this now, since the real hostage situation is over. It's a PERFECT PARODY of the whole thing. Don't worry, it won't be the end of the story, though!
Masamune[edit]
???: AIEEEE!!!!!!
Algore: Something is screaming.
Sapphire: Oh, I didn't notice...
Ditto: *looks up* Hey isn't that Secretary of Education?
*CRASH!*
*they aproach the crashed black bird*
Ditto: Err... Dodo, why are you err.. flying?
Rapheal: Excuse me? I am not Dodo! I am Raven, *cocks brow* Rapheal Raven.
Sapphire: How nice, but we must be going now.
Rapheal: *huff, huff* You think I came here without a point?
Algore: Apparently so.
Rapheal: I think NOT! *paces* No respect at all...
Ditto: What do you want?
Rapheal: HO HO HO! you WOULD want to know that NOW, wouldn't you?
Ditto: ............
Rapheal: Well, if you MUST know. We are short a Airforce One and a SkyPalace at current, no?
Algore: Apparently so.
Rapheal: Well... *points up, they all look up to see a flaoting island* Masa said to let you borrow New Atlantis.
Sapphire: Oh yeah, they won't notice this at all when we fly over...
Rapheal: Huh? Umm, of course. It has Wonderwoman's invisible plane thing implemented!
Ditto: Hrmm...
Ditto McCloaker[edit]
Thanks, Masa, but I was gonna continue it when I got out of class. (After all, you said I was a has-been, so now I gotta show you I still got it! )
I guess I can continue it with your 'New Atlantis...'
Raphael: One hitch. Mr. Mune and Mr. Same are busy with... their multinational business, so they can't fly it.
Ditto: Well, I guess we can't do it.
Raphael: *to himself* Excellent. This phony 'good will' gesture the bosses thought up will earn their trust anyway... Mwa ha ha!
Voice: I'll getcha there, pardner! Nooo prob'lm!
*they all turn to see... Dubya!*
Ditto: What the...?!
Dubya: Well, don't act all surprised! I was a fighter pilot in my Air Force days. I kin fly that li'l ol' thang! I'll getcha thar, Al! No sweat!
Ditto: What do you think?
Algore: *sigh* Sure, fine.
Dubya: Whoooo-ee! Awright! I get ta be in the air ag'in!
Raphael: Uh, um, well, I don't kn-
*gets trampled over by the enthusiastic Dubya. Before he gets in, he puts on a cowboy hat with aviator's goggles*
Algore: What shall I tell the Chinese?
Ditto: Just, uh... tell them we deeply regret what happened, and we want Vorpal back.
Algore: Will do.
Ditto: Okay, good. Now, I have to go. I'm presiding over Middle East Peace talks with the leaders of Palestine and Isreal.
*Ditto leaves. As Algore starts to board the plane, Sapphire walks up to him and Dubya innocently*
Saph: Um, you two agreed kinda fast, considering what we've done to you. Why are you so eager to get Vorpal back?
Dubya: Yer kiddin' right?
Algore: Think. Who in their right mind wants to run against Ditto in 2004?!
Sapphire: I see your point.
~Ditto gets in the Presidential limo, deep in thought, later joined by Flutter, Sapphire, and PWD, and they first drive to Camp David. They arrive, and they go to a room to await the dignitaries.~
Flutter: Hey, what's the problem between with the Middle East, anyway?
Ditto: Let me show you.
*He goes to a cabinet, and pulls out two petri-dishes*
Ditto: Okay. In this dish, we have a sample of microorganisms from Isreal. In this other one are single-celled organisms from Palestine.
*He puts them on a table within five feet of each other. Immediately, the germs begin to build bases. Within a minute, tiny little bombs are flying back and forth, and you hear tiny little voices in bitter dispute over who owns both dishes*
Saph: That's bad.
Ditto: Yup.
Flutter: So, who are the dignitaries?
Ditto: Isreal's Prime Minister, Ariel Not-Sharon ('Not-sharing', get it?), and Palestinian Leader Yassir Airy-n-fat.
Flutter: Airyfat? Hmm. Do you know his first name?
Ditto: Yassir.
Flutter: What is it?
Ditto: ...Yassir.
Flutter: Aren't you going to tell me?
Ditto: Yassir!
Flutter: Well?!
Ditto: *sigh*
--Meanwhile, in the control room of New Atlantis, Dubya sits in the pilot's chair, with Algore holding the map in the Co-Pilot's chair. Unfortunately, he's doing no naviating due to Dubya's constant stunts--
Dubya: *singing to himself* Up! Down! Flying around! They go up in the air, they go down to the ground! They're wowing the women, and their stealing the scenes,
Those magnificent men, THOSE magnificent men, THOSE magnificent men, in their flyyyyiiiing machiiiiines!
Algore: Quit singing that ridiculous song... *urp!*
Dubya: Geez, yer no fun. Didn't you ever fly in Nam?
Algore: *angry* I was a reporter, you idiot! I flew in a helicopter! A NICE, SAFE, HELICOPTER.
Dubya: Wuss. *flies in silence for a while*
Hey, what were we gonna do when we get there again?
Algore: Express regret.
Dubya: Really? Ya mean, like, apoler-gize?
Algore: That's what Ditto's advocated all along. So, yeah. You got a problem?
Dubya: Nah. I mean, I wouldn't wanna look like a wussy, but, in his place, I betcha that's what I'd do, too.
Algore: I'm glad to hear that. That's very broad of you.
Dubya: Well, thanky. Heck, ya know, I guess that skinny Nader feller was right about us.
Algore: How's that?
Dubya: We ain't so differnt.
Algore: *gives him a sideways glance, and shrugs*
Dubya: Hey! I got me an idear! Here! Take the wheel! *gets up and walks to the back*
Algore: George, what are you DOING?! *leans sideways as the plane lurches*
Dubya: I'll be jest a moment!
Algore: Uh... Go-go gadget arms!
*arms extend, and he grabs the wheel, and he nervously tries to steady the plane. It whirls and flips, and his heart pounds. Finally, Dubya comes back up to the cockpit*
Dubya: Got it! Okay! *takes the wheel again, and Algore slumps in seat, relieved as Dubya gets the plane on course*
Algore: *puff, puff* What... did you do?!
Dubya: I had an idear! I figgered, those Chinese are gonna wet their kimonos when they see us flying this thang-
Algore: Dubya, kimonos aren't Chinese, they're Ja--
Dubya: -So I figured, we'd send 'em a message so they know why we're here!
Algore: *surprised* Say, that's... actually rather smart of you, George.
Dubya: Yup. I wrote it on a REALLY big piece a junk in the back, and I figured we'd release it first when we fly overhead, so they know not to shoot at us!
Algore:
*Algore gets up, and walks into the back. He pulls aside a curtain, and sees a huge cruise missle hanging over a bay door. On it are written "WE'RE SORRY!" in huge, white letters*
Algore: Oh my GAWD!
~Meanwhile, back in Washington, Ditto's talking with Dick Cheney at Camp David, before the dignitaries arrive~
Ditto: So, how ya feelin' Dick?
Cheney: Great! *pounds his chest* I had Tipper fix me up with a special pacemaker! Not even Dubya's antics can bust this cast iron thumper!
*The phone rings. Ditto answers, and puts the other end on speakerphone*
Ditto: Interim President Ditto McCloaker.
Dubya: *zzrt* Howdy! I jest had a great idear! Even Al said it was "Da Bomb!"
Algore: *in background* NO! I said it's A BOMB! *sound of shuffling. Now, Algore's got the phone* We've got a huge bomb on board, and Dubya plans to drop it on the Chinese!
Cheney: ...
Sapphire: Wow. Cheney's holding up well.
Cheney: Get me to a doctor. *Collapses*
Algore: Don't worry. I told him we can't drop it. I think he understands.
Ditto: That's not enough! When you land, they're gonna wanna search your plane! If they see a bomb, it'll be disastrous! Get rid of it!
~back aboard the plane~
Algore: He says we gotta get rid of it now.
Dubya: Awww. I didn't lug that thing this far just to drop it in the drink!
Algore: We have no choice. By now, we should be over the Arctic Ocean, and we should be able to-
*looks out the window, and to his surprise, sees sand below them*
Algore: Hey! Wait! We're not over the Arctic!
Dubya: Of course not, Al. I do know my directions. To get to the Far East, you go east. Even I know that! *grin*
Algore: *slaps himself* But, George! You don't just fly in that direction! Everyone knows that the shortest distance is to fly in an arc over the north pole. It has to do with the curvature of the Earth!
Dubya: Huh. Sounds like someone's got a case of "fuzzy geography."
Algore: We have to drop it NOW, or we'll run out of fuel! Check the map! Where are we?
Dubya: Uhhh... *checks the map* Saw-die-uh Air-uh-BIE-uh.
Algore: What?! *grabs the map* Saudi Arabia!?
Dubya: *looking at the map* Hey! Look at that country! Pair-of-gays! Ha ha!
Algore: Hey, who's flying this thing?
*Suddenly, the plane lurches, and the bomb starts to come loose*
Algore: *runs to push the button to open the hatch*
Dubya: Uhhh... I'll get it open!
~Dubya stomps the door, opening it. The bomb doesn't fall~
Dubya: Huh. Well, we came this far, little bomb! *hops astride, and it falls. He swings his cowboy hat in the air as he rides it downward, just like the movie "Dr. Strangelove."*
Dubya: WOOOOOOOO-HOOOOOOOOO! YYEEEEE-HAAAAWWWWWWwwwww...!
Algore: Oh, crud. *grabs the controls and flies the plane to China*
~Down below, in Soddarn Insane's palace~
Insane: Ah. It's too hot today. *hears cowboy shouts, looks up* YIKE! !
-BOOOOOOOOOOOOM!!~
*the smoke clears, and the office is gone, except for Insane at his desk. Insane is charred, but his eyes look large and surprised. The exploded bomb shell sits on his desk, with the words "WE'RE SORRY! -W."
Dubya: Oops! Gotta go! *runs*
Insane: Son of a Bush! *cough, hack*
Masamune[edit]
Hehe... you ARE a has-been. THIS is a Dialogue story, I cannot be pleased by that...
Ya know, Masa's schemes and tricks would bea alot easier if I went ahead and let him fire away with his omnipotent powers...
~Meanwhile... in Hollywood...~
Same: And then after that, Ditto was reported illegally giving Mr. Dee vegetables.
Movie Maker Man: Oh ho ho! I'll make millions off this movie!
Same: Indeed... And I'll ruing Ditto's reputation as well...
~Later...~
*McCain*: Lessee... if I just tie this cord to that on, then...
???: EXCUSE ME!
*McCain*: Eh, eh?
*Another 'McCain' steps forth in the underground of the White House. Following are Masa and Mura*
'McCain': That was quite a naughty stunt you pulled there.
Masa: We'll get you... be bringing the Mad Batter (From Zelda 4) we'll get you back!
*McCain*: Wha? You guys? Aren't you them fellows who locked me up in that dark room.
Mura: Err... no, of course not! It was... uhh... That new guy, Luigi!
*McCain*: I shoulda known! Never can trust a man who works with goombas...
'McCain': But we have a plan to help ease things up for you.
*The Mad Batter flies in front of *McCain* and cackles*
Mad Batter: You are quite a fiend for ruining Masa's Closet. Now he can get that new bathroom, thanks alot! But now we'll get our revenge, are ya ready!?
*McCain*: Uhh....
Mad Batter: I'm gonna increase the amount of Legal Documents you can carry! Hahahaha! *zaps him with energy, causing *McCain* to obtain Increased Legal Document holding power...*
Mad Batter: Gyahahaha! Now look at all that junk you have to carry. We'll meet again.... good luck! *vanishes*
Everyone: ..........
Mura: *looks to Masa* REAL good idea...
*McCain*: *attempts to sneak away*
Masa: Oh no you don't! *grabs him and ties him up quickly, despite the fact they did not bring rope...*
Mura: Ok... -I- will hide him this time. I am going to hide him in the SECRET Base.
'McCain': Not the SECRET base!?
Mura: Yes... the SECRET Base.... Ok. Masa, you get up there and get our petty work done. Mu-- err... 'McCain', you get back to posing as you know who. I'll dump the guy here, Rapheal should of been delivering New Atlantis by now...
~Elsewhere...~
-New Atlantis, 100 miles west of China-
Dubya: Yahoo! Hmm... a big red button... Wonder what it does.
Algore: Better not, something might happen.
Dubya: Pshaw! What could POSSIBLY happen!?
Algore: I don't even want to get into it...
Dubya: Shucks, you need to liven up a bit! *presses the button before Algore can stop him*
Computer: Initiating... Project OG... 'The Time Bandits'... Opening Time Portal. Setting course to... 2567 AD.
Algore: *eyes widen* You... have just opened Masamune's old OG Projects.
Dubya: And we get to go to the future! Hmm... Laura will be to old to stop me from fun then... Hey! So will Tipper!
Algore: ..... you have got a point.
Both: Yahoo!
Narrator: As the two are hurled into a failed OG experiment. Masa, Mura, Mune and Same's cruel plot continues to unfold. While Ditto deals with home affairs in America, Luigi is speeding off towards the Middle East where Vorpal is being held captured. Will they succeed? Will the White House scandal be stopped in time? Will Magikoopa notice this story? Will anyone actually care? Find out soon when... ... Oh yeah! Real World White Hosue is on!
*TV screen is merely left blank...*
Sodarn: Aww... I wanted to see what happened!
Vorpal: *silently snickers to self*
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
*Luigi looks down at his portable TV, sitting comfortably in his chair aboard the plane.*
TLPJ: And in other news today...... Health Secretary Slort Goomboy was arrested today for being an accomplice to CIA Head Luigi of the Pipes. See the 11:00 news for further updates.
Luigi: WHAT THE?! I gotta know RIGHT NOW what the heck is going on!
*Luigi turns the channel to a channel current of Japan.*
Newsreporter: .......Slort Goomboy nak va America su bornuend shigatta Luigi of the Pipes..........
Luigi: Crap. I forgot my Japanese-English dictionary.......
<Later>
TLPJ: And for the 11:00 breaking news, Slort Goomboy, Health Secretary, was arrested today for assisting Luigi of the Pipes in the kidnap of our beloved Acting Vice President, John McCain. We bring you live coverage from the White House with Connie Chung. Connie?
Connie: Thank you Paul. I have behind me Mura, with a full testimonial of how Mr. of the Pipes did so. Mura?
Mura: It was awful! That horrid man bound *McCain* with a wire from one of his patented "security cameras" and threw him in Masa's closet! After he tunneled his way out, Luigi tied him again and left abruptly for Hainan Island with "business" to do. We, *sweatdrop*, found *McCain* again though, but Luigi is top on our wanted list!
Connie: There you have it folks. We do not know how Mr. Goomboy was involved, but it is a likely assumption. If anyone, namely those fellow Chinese, have seen Luigi of the Pipes, let the authorities know.
Mura: NO! Patch a phone call to me! I need to ki..... errr, kick him out of position ASAP!
Connie: There you have it folks.
Luigi: ~gulp~ I'm in trouble.........
Fed #3: Hey, is that Luigi of the Pipes not you?
Luigi: Ummmm, NO! That's my..... evil twin!
Fed #2: Highly unlikely.......
Luigi: Gotta go!
*Luigi dashes from his seat in a desperate attempt to escape the Feds.*
Luigi of the Pipes[edit]
*Mura sneaks into Luigi's room and begins to scout around.*
Mura: I gotta get rid of his surveilance tapes...... He might actually discover our scheme....
*Mura opens the nearby closet. A wave of video tapes and DVDs encompass him.*
Mura: Found 'em....
Ditto McCloaker[edit]
OK people... I'll take the next one...
~Back At Camp David...~
Ditto: All right. Prime Minister Sharon-
Sharon: I'm not sharin' anything! Hrmph! *folds arms*
Ditto: Uh, I was just introducing you.
Arabfat: I know who he is. Though I wish I didn't. Hrmph. *folds arms*
Sharon: Shut up, you short, big-nosed towel-head!
Arabfat: Infidel!
Castro: Someone call me?
Ditto: Get out. We'll get to you later.
Castro: *sniff* ~leaves~
Ditto: Boys, boys, now, we're here to discuss peace. Now, let's air what it is we want. What is it each of you wants.
Arabfat and Not-Sharon: Everything. And nothing for him! *points at each other*
Ditto: *sigh* What am I gonna do? These two are totally unreasonable.
*Ditto thinks for a while, while the guests continue to gripe over EVERYTHING. Suddenly, Ditto's eyes grow wide*
Ditto: *whispers* Sapphire! Babysit these two! I'll be right back!
Sapphire: What? Oh well. What to do. Hmmm. You guys want any cookies?
Arabfat: Sure. But Allah says they're all mine!
Not-Sharon: No! God wants my people to have them! We have suffered more in the past!
Arabfat: Beat it, geezer.
~Ditto hands a note to a Secret Serviceman~
Ditto: Get this for me. And hurry.
Secret Servicman: But Mr. President-
Ditto: Do it!
Secret Serviceman: Yes, Mr. President. *hops into Presidential Limo* To Blockbuster!
Ditto: *Steeples fingers* Excellent.
~The limo speeds off. A half hour later, it speeds back through the gates. Several Secret Servicemen step out, guarding a very important-looking person carrying a black briefcase. They hover around him as he walks up to where the Peace Talks are being held~
Ditto: You have what I requested?
SS: Right here in this briefcase, Mr. President.
Ditto: Excellent. *takes briefcase* Now, I want you to keep all non-authorized personnel at least 50 yards from this area, understand? Sapphire, that's you too.
Sapphire: What? This is about that Japan thing, isn't it?
Ditto: *slams door*
~Several large, burly guards in black suits stand guard outside of the cabin. No one comes in or out for two tense hours. No word comes regarding what goes on inside.
Finally the door opens. Arabfat and Sharon come walking out, arm in arm. Arabfat wipes a tear from his eye, and Sharon politely hands him a handkercheif. A smiling Ditto comes out behind them, proudly patting them on their shoulders~
Ditto: So, you see, your two nations can also 'fly' just like that little girl if you just realize what you have in common, and overlook your differences and distrust, like the girl and that boy did.
Sharon: C'mon, let's go divide up the Gaza Strip. You pick first.
Arabfat: Let us go home and spread the word about friendship and trust.
~Ditto hands the suitcase to the Secret Serviceman~
Ditto: Worked like a charm. Peace in the Middle East. What else do I have to do this afternoon?
Secret Serviceman: You have a meeting with Industry leaders and Environmentalists.
Ditto: Hm. Okay. Bring me Princess Mononoke for that one.
SS: Yessir.
Ditto: Oh, and one more thing.
SS: Yes sir?
Ditto: *points to the briefcase* Be sure to rewind that. It's courtesy, you know.
SS: Yessir. *leaves*
Sapphire: A movie? About a little girl... Let me guess.
Ditto: Eh. *shrugs*
Sapphire[edit]
Sapphire: You managed to get peace in the Middle East by getting them to watch Kikki's Delivery Service?
Ditto: Shhhh. It worked, didn't it?
Sapphire: Heh. What a unique method of handling things.
Ditto: *shrug* All in the best, I suppose.
Sapphire: Too bad it didn't work with Elian.
Ditto: ....
Sapphire: Well, better get to your meeting. I'm going to go check on **McCain** and see how he's handling that wire. Then we ought to check back in with Dubya and Algore... strange they ended up being on the same side after all.
Ditto: Yeah. But after all this trouble, i'm wondering if it's even worth it at all.
Sapphire: What do you mean?
Ditto: I sorta like being President. *shrug*
Sapphire: I bet you do.
Ditto McCloaker[edit]
How'd ya guess? Maybe one day I'll be the real thing. Any chance I could get you to vote Republican down the line? I'm really quite moderate.
Ditto: I don't know why... *looks at paintings of Lincoln, Washington, Roosevelt, and other Presidents through the years* I'm sure they didn't know why, either.
*starts to walk away, but turns around*
Ditto: ...What about you?
Sapphire: What?
Ditto: How do you feel about being the First Lady?
Sapphire: ????
Ditto: Well, you bustle about, like a third arm, jotting down appointments, handling piddling lackeys, planning big important dinners for foreign dignitaries, and... you never say anything about it. What I'm saying is... what do think about being First Lady?
Sapphire: I- uh...
*Several Secret Servicemen drag Ditto to his meeting*
Ditto: Sorry. Gotta go! Hey, Mike, you got that tape?
SS: And the popcorn, like you said.
Ditto: Environmentally safe brand?
SS: Yessir.
Ditto: Excellent. And what else do I have to do this afternoon?
Serviceman: You meet with the Anti-abortion League at 6:00pm tonight.
Ditto: Oh. Any chance we could post-pone that?
Serviceman: Nah. They hate last-minute cancellations...
*They disappear*
Saph: Hmmm...
Where is Vorpal?!?
Masamune[edit]
Think he left for that hiatus like in his post a while back... Ditto... you WILL get AIM, understand? GOOD BOY. Vorpal, Sapphire and I are on it, what's not to like?
Sorry, my mind is on break right now... can't post anything. Maybe tomorrow.
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