Galaxy Goers Page 6

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Author: Masamune

Steve: Well well, it's Masamune's escape pod alright. But it's empty, someone must have gave him a ride.

Ashley: Any idea who?

Steve: Why should I care?

~he is suddenly taken upon by three figures~

Steve: What is this!?

Straw Man: Don't move or this janitor will mop you up. Imagine the rust! The short circuiting!

Steve: Shut up, I though Felix took care of you.

Straw Man: Open him up.

Steve: Get off my you filthy janitor!

Ashley: Um. *steps away*

Jorge: Hey, he's empty in here!

Straw Man: No wonder he's malfunctioning, someone stripped him of all his stuff! Well put in the new system.

DM: That's odd.

Straw Man: What?

DM: It says "Place Ye Olde Heart Hence". That's bad Olde English, someone must have been really forcing it.

Straw Man: Good enough, put it in.

Steve: Argh! You'll pay for this! You'll-

DM: *closes his breastplate back up*

TeevC: *jumps up* Whoa, hey guys! How ya doing!?

Ashley: What the heck?

Straw Man: I am your captain, Steve-

TeevC: Oh, Steve is such a 'rough' *makes the quotations with his fingers* name. I prefer TeevC, it's such a friendlier name. Don't you think?

DM: Um... yeah...

Straw Man: Whatever. I am Professor Smarter Than You. From now on you will follow my commands.

TeevC: Sure thing captain!

Straw Man: Good, set a course for heading 33.11.98.9

TeevC: Oh, I love that place! *turns to Jorge* Don't you?

Jorge: Um. Yeah. *backs away*

Ashley: He's a monster!

Straw Man: Robot, actually. *presses com button* Felix, the bridge if you will.

~Felix walks in~

Felix: I though I took care of-

TeevC: Hey buddy!

Felix: The heck?

Straw Man: TeevC, escort that dog-thing and this girl to the brig, if you will.

TeevC: You got it, boss! What a pal, what a pal. *picks up Felix and Ashley from behind and lifts them off the ground. He then begins escorting them to the brig*

~they all are silent, then Straw Man glares at Jorge~

Straw Man: WELL!? Get to mopping the floors!

Jorge: Oh, yeah. Si. *starts mopping*

---

Computer: Meanwhile, on Red Ivy's ship

Masamune: *sits down in the co-pilot's seat* I was thinking, I'm not big on Nekotians.

Red Ivy: *turns around* What the... how did you get out?

Masamune: I used the control panel inside the brig.

Red Ivy: Why are all ships built like that...

Masamune: You're telling me. *puts feet up* What about Venus? They recently started allowing settlements, I hear the place is paradise.

Red Ivy: No.

Masamune: Pity. So, where were you raised. Probably a space colony, eh?

Red Ivy: I was raised on Saturn VI.

Masamune: Oh, Titan. I hear it's um, very-

Red Ivy: Cold, yes. Even with the massive heaters all over the planet, only the major cities stay slightly warm.

Masamune: So I hear. Nasty thing that. I was raised on Earth, pity you never saw it. You'd have liked it. I spent some time on Mars too though. None of them feel like Earth though.

Red Ivy: ... where were you when it happened?

Masamune: I was... busy.

Red Ivy: I've long wondered... why did you destroy that Earth Rock shipment my father had?

Masamune: Those rocks should remain where they are, in orbit around Luna. As a reminder of the people who didn't make it.

Red Ivy: You lost somebody?

Masamune: My son. And my wife's family. I wasn't able to save them.

Red Ivy: I see. You know-

Computer: Incoming transmission.

Red Ivy: Put it on.

~the screen changes to that of a Nekotian Woman~

Nekotian Captain: Vessel, disengage shields and state your purpose.

Red Ivy: Just ah, passing through.

Nekotian Captain: *looks down* Our sensors indicate this vessel as the Scarlet Moon. Ah yes, you are the bounty hunter. We are sending a ship out to pick up the criminal Masamune. Remain where you are.

Red Ivy: Actually-

Nekotian Captain: That is all. *the transmission ends*

Masamune: Second thoughts?

Red Ivy: ... no. No, I just wanted to see you in prison myself, that's all.

Masamune: Well, I suppose I'll head back to the brig so they can pick me up. Pleasure chatting with you.

Red Ivy: ...

Author: Mario Jr.

~The Andromeda Ascendant~

Andromeda: Patient's vital signs are returning to normal.

Rhade: *cringes* I'm going to have to get used to your new cold, emotionless voice. *turns to Tiffa* Can you hear me?

Tiffa: Where... huh?

(Tiffa, not recognizing her surroundings, sits up suddenly.)

Rhade: Easy there, Tiffa.

Tiffa: You're... that brig guard. AND the bounty hunter from Milliways! Who the hell are you and why are you stalking me!?

Andromeda: No need for alrm Tiffa. He's one of us.

Tiffa: Andi! *looks around* Where are you?

(A hologram of Andi appears by her bedside.)

Andromeda: My physical body is now intergrated with Rhade's ship. Unlike with the Itoli ship, this was a more pernament process.

Tiffa: That must suck...

(The hologram shrugs.)

Andromeda: It beats giving Jorge handjobs everynight.)

Tiffa: I see... Ohmigosh! Jorge and Day! Last I saw of them was on the Nekotian starship. Before I was thrown out the airlock...

Rhade: Jorge is safe. I sent him in a cargo ship headed towards the nearest civilized planet. As for Day, she went to Syntax.

Tiffa: Alone!?

Rhade: Oh heck no. She went with...Nefertina.

Tiffa: Well, we better go back and get her!

Rhade: We're already on course for Solara. We left Syntax several lightyears ago.

Tiffa: Then turn the ship around!

Rhade: We can't.

Tiffa: She's my friend. I can't leave her.

Rhade: Trust me. If Nefertina does what I think she will, you don't want to be around Day anymore.

Tiffa: What do you mean? What is she going to do to her?

Andromeda: I think what Rhade is trying to say is that Nekotians mate for life.

Tiffa: Yeah. So. Day isn't a Neko.

Andromeda: Yes. But you are.

Tiffa: Yeah, I figured that by now. But still, what does that have to with Day?

Rhade: Once two Neko's have mated, their scent is imprinted into their partner's body. It's a smell that can never wash off and can only be picked up by other Neko's. If Nefertina and Day have mated, whatever bond you had before will no longer exist. Your Nekotian extinct will take over and you'll end up hating Day, despite of yourself. I don't think you'd want your friendship to end like that.

Tiffa: Again. What does that have to do with Day?

Andromeda: Quit bullshitting, Tiffany. I know how you really feel about Datana. I'm a sex bot, and I could sense the levels of sex pheromones--

Tiffa: I'm not BSing! I know I like Day a little more than I probably should. I'm not denying it. And don't appreciate my sexuality being broadcasted out in the open like that.

Andromeda: Sorry.

Tiffa: But I know Day. She'd never go with Nefertina. No way.

Rhade: I wouldn't be so sure. Nefertina was pretty convincing as you. She even fooled me, a fellow Neko. If Day were to think she was you--

Tiffa: Stop right there! Day is straight, okay. She'd never have sex with another woman, even if she thought it was me. She's not like that.

Andromeda: Are you sure of that?

Tiffa: We're friends! Nothing more. Nothing less. And we're going back to get her.

Rhade: I'm sorry but I can't tsake you to Syntax. Not with the condition you're in.

Tiffa: What condition?

~Imperial Palace, Solaris~

Neko Private: General Deschel, the traiot, Nirgal, has sent out letters to all the Nekotians across the galaxy. We managed to confinscate a few of the letters before the reached anyone but there's no telling how many Neko's have already recieved the letter.

Deschel: Thank you private. I will take it from here.

(The Neko warrior does a slight bow and leaves.)

Neko Lt: What does it say sir?

Deschel: "I, your God, welcome all the Children of the Tifara to follow me on a pilgrimage to Syntax, birthplace of us all. There, you shall all witness the creation of our race."

(Deschel took the papers nad slammed them hard across the table, scattering threm everywhere.)

Deschel: No one's going to believe this religious crap.

Neko Lt: Should I have my men block the spaceports around the planet?

Deschel: Let them leave. Those who'd blindly follow that lunatic on a suicide mission deserve death.

Author: Mario Jr.

OoC: Oh fine! Since no one else will post...

~Solara, Sanura System~

(As the third and fourth suns began to set in the horizon, thousands upon thousands of Nekotians boardered unto giant spacecrafts, bringing barely anything more than the clothes on their backs for their pilgrimage to Syntax. Meanwhile, in Her Deschel's starship orbiting the invisible planet, the Neko General and his men were watching as the ships blasted off, becoming visible once they left the planet's atmosphere.)

Neko Lt: 4.5 billion Nekotians from the Southern Continent and 8.6. billion Eastern Continent have evacuated, Sir.

General Deschel: Let them go.

Neko Lt: The Northern and Western Continents are completely empty too.

General Deschel: I never liked those people anyways. Our planet is better off without them. What about the Central Continent?

Neko Lt: They were the first to go, as well as what was left of the royal family.

(Deschel slammed his first hard against the control panel.)

General Deschel: How can this be! Lieutenant! Inform the men to gather our people back up at once.

Neko Lt: Actually sir, our men have abandoned ship to join the Caravan. As will I.

(Without further hesitation, the Neko Lt. bodly spat on Her Deschel's face and walked out the door.)

General Deschel: It can't be... There's got to be a few disbelievers out there... I can't be the only Neko with any sense around here... I.R.I.S.! Scan Solara for any lifeforms on the planet's surface.

Computer: Scanning in progress. Planet Solara. Atmosphere, no longer breathable. Neko population, zero.

General Deschel: What about the rest of the Sanura system?

Computer: Sister planets, Lunara and Stellamara, have also been fully evacuated.

General Deschel: How can this be...? How could our whole species be taken in by a mad man?

~Syntax, On the Planet's Surface~

Rhade: I can't believe you talked me into this.

Tiffa: I can't believe you thought that hussy was me!

Rhade: Hey now. that hussy was our Empress.

Tiffa: Whatever. If anything has happened to Day, I... I.... I don't know what I'd do.

Rhade: You must really love her, huh?

Tiffa: More than life itself.

(Rhade stop and grabs Tiffa by the shouldrers. He's eyes were all misty-looking. It really creeped Tiffa out.)

Rhade: I'm proud of you.

Tiffa: Buh?

Rhade: You are acting like a true Neko-Neko. You're thinking with your emotions.

Tiffa: It's my emotions that got me into this mess in the first place.

Rhade: No, no. Don't block out your emotions. Your emotions are what makes you a Nekotian.

(Rhade glances over his shoulder.)

Rhade: Let's go. I think there's a city nearby. If your friend is on this planet, that's probably the best place to start.

(No sooner had they started walking againt, a giant lava worm emerged from a fiery crack in the ground.)

Rhade: Tiffa! Use your powers now!

Tiffa: But I don't have any powers?

Rhade: Don't be afraid to let go! Unleash the beast from within! Trust your emotions!

Tiffa: I... I can't!

(Rhade grunts impatiently. Suddenly his features become more lion-like and leaps into air, latching unto the monster's throat. The Lava Worm lets out a booming screech of agony and writhes about, throwing Rhade back unto the ground.)

Tiffa: Rhade!

(Despite being greatly wounded from when he the ground, he manages to crawl back unto all fours and roars at the Lava Worm. The Lava Worm screeches back and charges towards him.)

Now, Tiffa! Now!

Tiffa: I can't Rhade... I'm too scred.

Don't be afraid of your emotions, Tiffa! Let them guide you!

(Before Tiffa realized it, the Lava Worm descended upon Rhade, swallowing him whole.)

Tiffa: Rhade! NOOOOOOO!!!

(Seeing the only one of her kind that's ever been of hers disappear like that caused something to snap inside her mind. Suddenly something else took over. Something darker. Something primal. And she could feel the adrenaline rush over entire body like a tidal wave.)

Tiffa: Tifara!

(Suddenly skies went dark around the entire planet despite the ominous red sun high in the sky. Tiffa's hair began to rise as a fiery whirlwind of light swirled around her body. Her red hair turned to shimmering platinum blonde and her eyes changed from green to a glowing gold. Even her tanned skinned began to shine with the light of a thousand suns. The fiery whirlwind then began to flow towards her arm where it formed into some sort of weapon that resembled a lion's paw. Tiffa floated up into the air and faced the fiendish creature face to face.)

Tiffa: This is for Rhade...

(A powerful wave of ultraviolet light emerges from her left hand and ripples throughout the worms entire body. At first the creature seems unscathed by the attack and lashes towards Tiffa but then it freezes suddenly. Just then, it's skin begins to bubble and pop as billions upon billions of cancerous growths emerges from it's body. Eventually the creature was nothing more than a giant mass of pus that explodes across the terrain, leaving Rhade's body inside the carnage.)

Tiffa: Rhade...

(Tiffa reverts back to her normal form and landed near Rhade's body. He was partially digested but seems to still show signs of life. He slowly turns head towards .)

Tiffa: Rhade. Are you alright?

Rhade: I'm proud of you... You've finally mastered your emotions... You are a true Nekootian now...

Tiffa: Wasn't there some sort of city nearby? Perhaps I can take you there?

Rhade: There's no time... My time in this universe has came to an end... I must tell you something before I die...

Tiffa: *tears up* Rhade.... don't talk like that. Don't you want to find Jorge again?

Rhade: What I want is not important anymore. My only purpose is to tell you the truth... about your parents... Your REAL parents.

Tiffa: What about them?

Rhade: The last Neko Empress was wounded in battle and later discovered she couldn't bear a child to inherit her throne. So one of the nobles from the House of Walner was randomly selected to be a surrogate mother for the next Neko princess. But instead of one baby, Madame Walner gave birth twins. Twins were viewed as a bad omen in a royal bloodline. The Queen had ordered that the lighter of the two newborns were to be put to death immediately. But the doctors took pity on the child and quietly let Madame Walner keep the infant without the Empress ever knowing it. Of course when the Empress found out two years later, she wasn’t too happy. She had the doctors beheaded and had the entire House of Ewalner searched and imprisoned. Fortunately, her son was able to escape with the bay on a space ship aimed from the human colony of Cerulus, far, far away from the Neko Empire. The baby was discovered and raised by a cop and a teacher. That baby was you.

Tiffa: I'm...I'm a princess? But how?

Rhade: You're Nefertina's identical twin sister and therefore should rightfully inherit the throne. The proof is in your amulet. Only Neko royals can have one.

Tiffa: And what of the boy?

(Rhade smiles weakly and pulls out a matching amulet around his neck.)

Rhade: He grew up to become the greatest Neko Space Pirate that ever lived. Rhade the Rageful.

Tiffa: You're my... brother?

(Rhade nods.)

Tiffa: Then this whole Mother Goddess thing?

Rhade: It was an elaborate hoax started by our mother in order to find you again. But General Nirgal has taken it too far. He thinks he's some sort of God and he's now placing the lives of our people at stake. He must be stopped at all costs.

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

Computer: The Galaxy Goers run down the stairs of the building and burst out the door to withhold the outskirts of town.

Desperation: Disgusting, isn't it?

Galaxy Goers: AAAAH!

Desperation: ~points his trident at them~ Time for a shish-ka-bob!

Rhykette: Roll call! ~makes ninja pose~ I am Yellow Goer, because pink is too girly for even me!

GM/Triple-X/Luigi: . . .

Rhykette: Yeah, forget I said anything.

Triple-X: Now, we're facing a giant, ugly pig here. And what better to face a giant, ugly pig...

Computer: Triple-X pulls out a flask, pulls out the cork, and drinks the contents. He throws the flask into the building, smashing it, then falls over writhing.

GM: Okay, forget him. I've got this. ~fires at Desperation~

Desperation: My force field is still up.

GM: Okay, forget that. GET 'IM!

Luigi: Rar!

Computer: Luigi runs at Desperation with both laser swords. You can make up the colors in your head. I don't really care. Desperation tries to block with his trident, but it's not magical and gets sliced into pieces. So Desperation turns around and just kinda mule kicks Luigi in the stomach, since he's being sloppy after running down all of those stairs. Luigi goes flying across the Badlands.

Desperation: ~tapes the trident's head to his knuckles, so he has Wolverine claws~ Who's next?!

GM: ~fires at Desperation, to no effect~ I really shouldn't waste ammo. GET 'IM!

Computer: Rhykette fires a bullet from her rifle at Desperation. The bullet also bounces away.

Rhykette: Maybe we should, y'know, TRY to beat him.

GM: You think I'm not trying?

Rhykette: There's four of us and one of him. AND HE'S WINNING!

GM: I can't help it if those two go and blatantly lose!

Triple-X: RAAAAR!

Computer: Triple-X leaps up, transformed into a large gorilla. He runs at Desperation and bites him in the head.

Desperation: AGH!

GM: Oh.

Computer: Desperation claws Triple-X frantically, but to no effect. Triple-X releases Desperation's head, but only long enough to wind up and punch him across the Badlands. Triple-X turns and picks up GM and Rhykette, then bounds after.

Delta: Crap.

Computer: Delta peers out from behind his sand dune, then drops his sword on the ground. He steps on top of the blade, with the hilt pointing away from the hunt.

Datana: ~jumps out with her blaster~ Stop!

Delta: Um. I'd love to, but I've never done this before.

Computer: The sword starts to slide forward.

Delta: I don't know how to stop.

Datana: Well you better, because I swear if you...

Delta: Tell you what...

Computer: The sword rockets forward. Delta holds out an arm and catches Datana, bringing her along.

Delta: Let's talk on the way there.

Datana:

***

Computer: Red Ivy stands with her arms crossed as three Neko enter the Scarlet Moon via boarding tunnel and pick around.

Neko Guard #1: Captain Sir Ma'am! Preliminary scans show that ship is full of sentimental trinkets! ~turns and knocks one off of a shelf, shattering it~ Oops! Apologies!

Neko Captain: Shut up. Neko don't apologize to inferiors.

Red Ivy: ~bites lip~ The brig is...

Neko Captain: We know where the brig is. We don't, however, know where all the booby traps are.

Red Ivy: There aren't any.

Neko Captain: Of course... Hmmph. Two, go to the brig and get him.

Neko Guard #2: ~kicks through a blast door and fires at random spots on the hull~ RESISTANCE IS USELESS!

Red Ivy: You'll be paying for the damages.

Neko Captain: The reward that we're being foolish enough to give you will be paying for the damages.

Red Ivy: The reward didn't say there WOULD be damages.

Neko Captain: Really? I'm sure it mentioned something about BODILY DAMAGES IF YOU DON'T SHUT UP!

Neko Guard #1: ~CRASH!~ Oops! Apologies would be in order, but I am not allowed to apologize!

Red Ivy: ~bites lip harder~

Computer: Neko Guard #2 returns with Masamune, who glances around casually.

Neko Guard #2: RESISTANCE IS USELESS!

Neko Guard #1: Prisoner secured! Return to base!

Neko Captain: Wait. We have to pay the runt.

Computer: The Neko Captain pulls out a thermal detonator and walks over to an air duct.

Red Ivy: What the hell are you doing?!

Computer: Red Ivy starts toward the Neko Captain, but Neko Guard #1 points his blaster at her head. The Neko Captain flips the timer on and drops it into the air duct.

Neko Captain: Die either way. Let's go, boys.

Computer: The Neko Captain, both guards, and Masamune enter the boarding tunnel. The door starts to slide shut. Red Ivy slips a mini-blaster out of her sleeve.

Neko Guard #1: Civilian is armed! Open fire!

Neko Guard #2: RESISTANCE IS USELESS!

Computer: The Guards fire and miss dramatically. Red Ivy takes aim... and shoots Masamune squarely in the forehead. The Guards turn to gape at him as he collapses. The Captain shrugs.

Neko Captain: Dead or alive. We don't care. Withdraw the tunnel the moment the door--

Computer: The door slides shut. Red Ivy grins as there is loud clattering, blaster discharges, etc. The door slides back open, and Masamune steps out, holding his forehead.

Masamune: That hurt. And how do you know they don't know I'm immortal?

Red Ivy: I've been meaning to do it either way.

Masamune: Nice. So I'll assume you have an escape pod or...

Red Ivy: I don't need one.

Computer: Red Ivy reaches into the air duct and pulls out the detonator.

Red Ivy: I had them sealed off at the vents. I didn't have time to search you, so I was worried you might try to poison me. I can just jettison this and...

Masamune: Wait... Give me that. ~takes detonator~ Mmm... six minutes. That'll be enough.

Red Ivy: For what?

Masamune: Do you have any homing beacons? Ones that can work in space?

Red Ivy: Sure, um... ~reaches into a compartment and pulls out a button~

Masamune: Good. ~takes button and attaches it to his sword~ Now. I'm going down the tunnel. You disengage, and in about six minutes you come looking for this beacon. Or you fly away. It wouldn't surprise me.

Red Ivy: Wait... what if nothing happens in six minutes?

Masamune: Well... follow the code.

Author: Masamune

Red Ivy: What code?

Masamune: Kids these days, haven't you ever heard of the pirate's code?

Red Ivy: I've heard of the pirate user manual, but...

Masamune: Bah. *runs down tunnel*

Red Ivy: Wait, that's the wrong tunnel!

~On the Neko Ship~

Neko Lieutenant: Where's the captain?

Neko Soldier: *holds up the captain's hat* He's...

Neko Lieutenant: *eyes get big, grabs hat and puts it on* YES! YES! WOOO! YEAH! OH MAN I'M CAPTAIN! *jumps in captain's chair and spins around*

Neko Soldier: Er, dead.

Neko Lieutenant: Wheee- wait. Ahem. Neko Lieutenant?

Computer: Correcting.

Neko Captain: That's better. Now, as I was saying.... wheee!

Neko Soldier: Um, the bounty hunter attacked when the captain tried to kill her.

Neko Captain: Wheeeeee!!!

Neko Soldier: ....

~MEANWHILERS~

Masamune: *is floating in space with a small little breathing apparatus attached to his mouth. He's walking alongside the hull of the Neko Ship* Ahh... the engines. *pulls out thermal detonator* Now to get it on the hull using the handyman's secret weapon... duct tape. *starts taping detonator on the ship* There we go.

~overhead the Scarlet Moon is distancing itself from the Neko Ship~

Masamune: Now to get out of here-

N-K48: INTRUDER DETECTED ON HULL. ENGAGE INTERROGATION. STATE YOUR NAME, SPECIES, DATE OF BIRTH, AND ASTRONOMICAL SIGN.

Masamune: Oh um, Masamune, human, I don't remember, and my mom couldn't read the calendar. How's that?

N-K48: UM ER DOES NOT COMPUTE... SHOOT HIM.

~several identical robot drones pop up. Oh, by the way they are cool looking robots with three legs, cannon-mounted arms, and a single laser-firing eye~

Masamune: I wish I knew what they looked like before I ticked them off. *jumps... and lands back on the ship* What the hey?

N-K48: AH AH AH AH AH AH.

N-K49: YOU ARE LAUGHING BACKWARDS AGAIN.

N-K48: SHUT UP. ANYWAYS. ARTIFICIAL GRAVITY IS ACTIVE. EMBRACE YOUR DOOOOOOOOM.

N-K49: *shoots N-K48 who blows up* DEFECTS ARE NOT PERMITTED.

Masamune: Good idea. *looks at watch, thirty seconds left* So I better go.

N-K49: SHOOT HIM.

~the robots begin shooting him, Masamune rolls and hides behind a wing~

Masamune: I'm at the end of the story and with no way out. Any second I'll be rescued.

~two seconds later~

Masamune: Okay, I guess not. *unsheaths his sword and opens a compartment inside it. There is nothing inside except a picture of Masamune, Ashley, and their son* Don't worry Ash... I'll find you again, no matter what. *jams homing beacon into the compartment, shuts it, and then throws the Masamune sword into open space as far as he can, enough that it escapes the ship's gravity*

N-K49: FOUND HIM, PREPARE TO DIE.

Masamune: Sure, we'll make a day of it.

~The Neko Ship explodes~

Author: Mario Jr.

OoC; Previous post edited for better continuity...

~Surface of Syntax~

(Tiffa continues to drag Rhade's limp body across the scorching desert wastes.)

Rhade: Why don't you just leave me to die in the sun?

Tiffa: No way! I finally find another living relative with clues to my past and I'm not about to lose you.

Rhade: I think I've outlived my purpose for this OG. I should've have existed past the first post.

Tiffa: The heat is making you delusional. *gasp*

Rhade: What?

Tiffa: I think we've found our sister...
__________________________

~In Orbit of Syntax~

Andromeda: Systems diagnostic check completed. All systems running suffiently. *sigh* Rhade... Where are you?

(An orb of light appears on the control bridge.)

Andromeda: Unauthorized Entry! Introduce yourselves intruders.

Nirgal: *steps out of the light* If it isn't the robot whore? I see you've assimilated with ship's AI. My, my aren't we stepping up the ladder.

Andromeda: The Neko General...

Nirgal: It's simply Nirgal. I'm free of that joke of a Neko Army. I have you and your friends to thank for that.

Andromeda: You came here alone? You do realize have the ship's defense systems anniliate you right on the spot.

Nirgal: Bluffing again are we? If you were really were able to kill me, you would've done it on the ship instead of leaving those two Itoli to do the fighting for you. I happen to know that this ship wasn't designed with any internal defenses. After all, an invisible ship doesn't need any extra security does it.

Andromeda: When our Rhade comes back...

Nirgal: That traitor Rhade will soon answer for betraying the Neko race.

Andromeda: Your leading your people into mass suicide over a flase belief! The Neko religion is a lie!

Nirgal: What would you know about the Tifara?

Andromeda: Not much but we know we have to keep Tiffa away from a monster like you at all costs!

(Alarms start sounding as the Cheesecake that powers the ship goes critical.)

Nirgal: What is that?

Andromeda: We've overloaded our Energy Core.

Nirgal: You'll kill us both!

Andromeda: We are willing to make that sacrifice.... for Rhade.

Nirgal: You will tell me where the Tifara is!

(The Cheesecake implodes crushing the entire ship inside itself inside of a ball of golden light. The Neko Caravan then passes by as they continue towards Syntax.)

~Back on Syntax~

Tiffa: What are you looking for?

Rhade: I'm checking her body for Juice.

Tiffa: Juice?

Rhade: It's slang term for a type of Neko drug... It relieves pain and rejuvinates the body in limited amounts... Hopefully it wasn't burnt with the rest of her body.

(Rhade finally pulls out a syringe neatly tucked inside Nefertina's boot.)

Rhade: Heh. I always knew Queenie was a shooter.

(Rhade then ripped off a piece of his shirt and used it to tie a tight tourniquet around his bicep. He then carefully stuck the needle into his forearm. Tiffa cringed as she watched his eyes back into his head when the feelings of euphoria shot through his body like cold, soothing water. Almost miraculously his skin began to heal right before her eyes. In just moments Rhade was back on his feet and brushing the dirt off his clothes.)

Rhade: Now. To find your friend.

Tiffa: What's that smell?

Rhade: Um. *glances over at Nefertina* Barbequed corpse.

Tiffa: No. Something else... It's something I can't desribe but it's making the Neko inside me excited!

Rhade: The smell of Neko pheromones...

Tiffa: What was that?

Rhade: Nothing!

Tiffa: They had sex didn't they?

Rhade: Now Tiffa you don't know that. I mean, Nef's body is burnt to a crisp. It must've been Datana's doing.

Tiffa: Hello! Hot planet! Datana must've ran off when she realized what a mistake she made. The slut!

Rhade: C'mon. You don't mean that.

Tiffa: Look! There's your proof right there!

(Tiffa points to the ground where Day's necklace laid still shattered.

Tiffa: That's the necklace I gave to Day years ago. She'd never leave her necklace behind...

Rhade: *scoff* That ol' thing. All Nekotian Royalties have those.

Tiffa: No. This one's Day's.

(Tiffa scopped up the pendant and reconnected it with her half of the pendant. A perfect match.)

Tiffa: I broke the pendant in half and gave one half to Day. We made a promise then. That matter how far apart we were in the Galaxy, so long as we kept our half of the pendant, we'd remain together for always. I guess she just stopped loving me... Maybe it was a mistake to come after her...

Rhade: Tiffa...

Tiffa: I know, I know. It's stupid.

Rhade: Yes it is.

Tiffa: Huh? You're supposed to be comforting me!

Rhade: Do you know how increbily retarded that sounds? You made me turn around halfway across the Galaxy to get this dumb broad. Now you want to give up just because she accidentially left dropped some stupid peice of metal. That necklace is worthless! It a symbol of the love between you two but it by no means defines it.

Tiffa: But you said that once a Neko choses a partner, it's for life. Me and Day have never mated and now Nefertina has already left her mark on Day. Day will never be mine. Nefertina stole that away from me.

(Rhade grabs Tiffa by the shoulders and shakes her)

Rhade: Tiffa get ahold of yourself! Your new tranformation has got your emotions all screwed up. You gotta pull yourself back together or you'll become what Nefertina was: A Slave to her own Desires.

Tiffa: I understand...

Rhade: *slaps her*

Tiffa: Ow! I said I understand!

Rhade: Oh. Sorry. Side-effect of the drugs.

~Onboard the Morning Star, battleship leading the Neko Caravan~

Madame Walner: You can do this. It's up to you now to put an end to this madness.

(The Neko female put on a whitecoat and thick-frammed glasses. She then steps casually out of the bathroom and bumps into what felt like a brick wall. When she got on and put back on the glasses she saw thatt it was Nirgal but he was significantly different. His skin now glowed with the light of a thousand suns and even his eyes seem to burn like charcoal.)

Madame: Nirgal! Oh my Stars! I thought you were dead! We saw you get destroyed with that ship.

Nirgal: YES... I WAS. WHAT WAS LEFT OF MY EARTHLY BODY IS NOW GONE. BUT THEN MY SPIRIT ENERGY WAS FUSED WITH WHATEVER WAS FUELING THAT... SHIP... IT CHANGED ME.... I BECAME A WHOLE NEW BEING.

Madame: That's so good to hear! The people have grown restless without a leader. Some have began to even doubt our cause and have left the Caravan... er, my Lordship?

Nirgal: GATHER THE PEOPLE TO THE MORNING STAR. WE WILL SEE JUST HOW FAITHFUL THEY TRULY ARE... TONIGHT... THE WEAK SHALL CULLED FROM THE STRONG.

(Nirgal then turned into pure energy and vanished into the air, leaving clowing orbs of light in his wake.)

Madame: ...Just what's going here!?

Author: Masamune

~Meanwhile, at the hangar~

Desper-Rationalizer 1: Guarding important ships is no fun.

Desper-Rationalizer 2: Almost as bad as not having a name to be addressed by.

~behind a rock~

Depkon: Okay, let's go kill them.

Lt. Cho: And activate the security system? Chances are they'll shoot us down before we leave the atmosphere. I've got a better idea.

Depkon: *sarcastically* Oh wonderful.

Lt. Cho: I've seen Masamune do this a thousand times.

~Lt. Cho walks casually up to the guards, trying to enter the hangar. The two quickly jump in front of him~

DR1: This hangar is off-limits to civilians.

Lt. Cho: I'm sorry, I didn't know. If I see one, I shall inform you immediately. *tries to continue through, but is stopped*

DR2: If you persist, we will shoot.

Lt. Cho: Apparently there's an epic battle taking place around the citadel. How is it that two upstanding gentlemen as yourself did not merit an invitation?

DR1: Someone has to protect the ships.

Lt. Cho: *peers inside* Those are nice ships to be sure. But the bigger one at the citadel made those seem a bit superflous, really.

DR2: The S.S.S. Desper-Prise is the planet's powerhouse, but there's no ships that can match the D46es for speed.

Lt. Cho: I've heard of one. Said to be nigh uncatchable. The Bladechappe. Ever heard of it?

DR1: There's no real ship as can match the D46.

DR2: ... the Bladechappe is a real ship.

DR1: No it's not.

DR2: Yes it it, I've seen it!

Lt. Cho: *sees the two are arguing and slips past them*

DR1: You haven't seen it.

DR2: Yes I have!

DR1: You've seen the ship that can bend time, arrive where it's going before it even leaves, and is captained by a man who was spat our of the remains of Sol III?

DR2: *nods* No. But I did see a ship stop at Eh? Eatery with the letters 'Bladechappe' on the side.

DR1: And no ship that eats at Eh? Eatery could possibly bend time and couldn't possible arrive before it leaves, and couldn't possibly get a burger there. So as I said, there is no real ship as can match- *sees Lt. Cho is gone*

• both Desper-Rationalizers turn around to see Lt. Cho inside a D49. Before they can do anything, he fires two lasers blasts at them and disentigrates them. Depkon soons come out of hiding and boards the ship*

Depkon: Masamune does that, eh?

Lt. Cho: Well... it's in a movie that he says was based on one of his life experiences.

Depkon: Right. *looks around* A D49... that's odd. The latest model is a D39 and it can barely outrun Galactic Police vessels.

Lt. Cho: Well they have four of them in here. More than expected, in fact.

Depkon: It hardly matters, let's get off this dead rock of a planet.

Lt. Cho: *fires up the engines* Let's see if those guards were telling the truth about this thing.

~the D49 flies out of the hangar and manages to get into space without incident~

Depkon: I've picked up the Pies 'N Cakes ion trail. Whoever is in it already left hours ago. I dout this ship can catch my ship.

Lt. Cho: Only one way to find out. *reaches for the Hyperdrive accelerator and pushes it forward ever so slightly*

Computer: The viewing screen, which shows a bunch of stars, suddenly warps. The stars turn into white streaks of lines and continue to do so until the screen becomes cross-stitched with white crossed lines. And then it turns into green and red splotches*

Depkon: We've gone plaid!

Lt. Cho: I thought that was only hypothetical!

Depkon: Stop the damn ship!

Lt. Cho: *turns the hyperdrive off. The viewscreen is completely black* Whoa.

Depkon: Where the hell are we?

Lt. Cho: According to this? We overshot the Pies 'N' Cakes. We're not even in our galaxy anymore.

Depkon: Which galaxy is ours then?

Lt. Cho: *presses a button that changes the viewscreen to the back of the ship* If I had to guess, that tiny white speck there.

Depkon: ... great.

~Bazillions of light years behind, on Syntax...~

Luigi: Ow, that hurt.

~suddenly Desperations lands beside him~

Luigi: Dang.

Desperation: You. I'll go ahead and finish you off! *punches a hole in the ground and jumps in*

Luigi: Um, okay. *starts walking away, but Desperations hand grabs him and pulls him down~

Computer: Luigi falls into the pit, only to see everything is dark and shadowy.

Luigi: Argh, I can't see shadowy stuff. Or maybe it's my TV.

Desperation: Can you master the secret of darkness!?!?!?! Enguarde!!

Luigi: Um, okay. *turns flashlight on*

Desperation: *turns completely blue* The light freezes me!!!

Luigi: Er, yeah. *stabs Desperation with laser sword*

Desperation: Argh! *falls to the ground* This isn't the end of me... but it will be for you...

Computer: The ground begins to shake.

Luigi: What the?

Desperation: Ha ha ha ha... this planet was my creation. Everyone, all the people on it... carefully designed by me. Without me, Lord Master Grande High Emperor General of the Goodlands Syntax Desperation, there is no Planet Syntax.

Luigi: Oh crap.

Desperation: I imagine you have about ten minutes. *coughs up green blood* But that won't be enough. *cackles maniacally as he walks backwards a few steps... and throws himself down a chasm*

Luigi: *looks up at the hole he was dragged in* I knew I'd be wanting for rope. Luigi, you fool.

Author: Golem

~Luigi tries to climb the walls, but to no avail. Anything he grabs onto falls off as the earth holds together less and less. After finding that leaping at the walls is no better, Luigi turns to the chasm that Depseration threw himself into. Luigi considers his sanity while looking into the pit, then recognizes that familiar scent of overcooked rock and dives in.

Seconds later, Luigi is in a pool of lava. He resurfaces in an underground cavern which is unaffected by the turmoil above. In front of him is Desperation, who is climbing into some sort of capsule. Luigi quickly swims over and tries to shove Desperation aside as he goes into the capsule himself. However, Luigi just manages to shove himself into the capsule and not move Desperation at all. Desperation tries to grab him and throw him out, but before Desperation does that, Luigi jams many of the buttons inside the capsule.

Above ground, as Desperation's men pile into the S.S.S. Desper-prise. On the bridge, a distress signal is recognized.~

Captain: We're receiving the distress signal Desperation is to give us once the planet is completely obliterated. Something must be amiss... send a lava sub down to the planet core immediately.

Pilot: Should we leave the planet at the scheduled time?

Captain: No, await my command.

~Elsewhere, outside, GM, Rhykette, and Triple-X spot the S.S.S. Desper-prise not far off.~

Triple-X: What the--okay, now your censors really should have picked up on THAT. Even if it was hidden under a sand dune.

Rhykette: Eh, I'm bargain bin material.

Author: Fred

(Red Ivy returned to her ship and vaporized the remaining Nekoians with her phase-umbrella, then grabbed the controls and escaped the blast just in time. She used the six minutes to consider rescuing Masamune, and also to make popcorn. She finally decided to go and rescue his sorry self, so at least he could explain himself to her.

Of course, someone else had noticed the explosion. The crew of the Led Zepplin. When she finally found Masamune, she found the other vessel poised)

Computer: Aboard the Led Zepplin, three standard Earth minutes before...

TeevC: Wait, why am I travelling towards the explosion? I want to keep my crew safe! Why are my circuits not obeying my... ahhhHHGHH!

(TeevC punches in the chest and wrenches out the heart, tossing it one the ground)

Steve Model T: I'm baaaaack. Now, for the fun part.

(Of course, such a thing is outrageous, and SteveT's only reason for returning must be his dedication to the Great Professor Smarter-Than-You, and... Hey, Get out of the brackets! This is for actions! Er, the rest of the crew began towards SteveT, ready to try to reinstall the heart)

Professor Smarter-Than-You: While your loyalty to me knows no bounds, you can express it better by being a good, old-fashioned helpful slave-like bot. You seem to have the capacity to respect my intellect, so I must commend you on doing so, Steve. However, this is for my own good. GET HIM!

Don Miguel: I'm getting more of the reward.

Jorge: Space muchos grande sucks.

(Don holds Steve Model T's attacking arm to the ground with his phychic prowress, but Steve Model T extends his other arm (with axe attachment) and smashes the encasing for Don, putting him out of commition. Jorge smashes him with a mop, which breaks over Steve's head, and is batted away easily. With his foes disabled, SteveT turns to Professor Smarter-Than-You)

Prof. Smarter-Than-You: In case of the hardly possible situation that you may actually be malicious towards me, SteveT, I used my genius to prepare a little something. Prepare to meet your maker, at the hands of this water hose! Now halt at once, before you must rediscover why I am the captain!

(SteveT did indeed stop, but only to push the professor outside and lock the security doors to the bridge)

Steve Model T: I can and will deal with you, later. Now, I spy with my little eye... something glimmering near the rubble. Masamune, it's time you met 357 gigajoules of pure destruction.

(As well, on the Pies'N'Cakes...)

PREDIC: Gravve, two small vessels approach, one of which seems to be taking control of our actions, through psychic means.

Gravve: I'm a little busy, you damned hell-craft electricity! These tubes spew fire!

PREDIC: Very well, we'll have to use reverse hyperdrive. Prepare your body for it, there is a 100% chance of discomfort.

(The two ships board the Pies'N'Cakes as the thrusters boom, and the amalgamation of three ships flies backwards, catching the Masamune sword on the journey, and stopping just a bit behind it, in ready range of of Red Ivy and the Led Zepplin)

PREDIC: And now, I predict a 200% chance of intense discomfort.

Computer: And back with XXX and his party (level 20 party), we find out heroes riding a Rhykette-transport towards the slowly powering-up Desper-prise. Soon, they are joined by Delta Error and Datana, who hop on. As they prepare to explain the situation of the planet to Delta, a few shots of Build-your-own-canopy-sets landed in front of the speeding Rhykette.GM and Delta push the others down to avoid the unfurling canopy, but they are caught and thrown to the ground. XXX tries to yell something back to them, but his gorilla voice does not express it clearly, as Rhykette keeps moving.

The assailant's pod, a broken looking truck-ish spacecruiser lands behind them, allowing for two purple carpets to flow out, and two figures to emerge. They are Captain Absoloutely Nobody, armed with a overly-powerful spud gun in one hand and a bag of potato chips in the other. The other, Sometwo Else, grinned his two heads viciously, as he pulled out two roman candles and two high-power laser pointers from his weapons belts. And then Computer stopped describing them and let them talk.

GM: I hardly know who you are, but I think it's great that you'll fight with me to the end, even during the destruction of your planet.

Delta: Hey, thanks, I... what?

Sometwo Else (left): There's no time for that, didn't you read that huge paragraph on how awesome we are? Check out the muscles on these ears, YEAAH.

Sometwo Else (right): You always get to show off the ears...

Captain Absoloutely Nobody: (munch, munch) Man, these potato chips really get me in the mood for sharpshooting. Now quit stalling and start urinalating.

(SE blasts at Delta, then comes out swinging. Delta jumps back, to be hit in the leg by AN's weapon. Delta does a full flip, and regains balance just in time to parry the two candles. GM meanwhile suppresses AN and forces him to take cover behind the "vehicle" he came in. They both lob a hydrogen grenade over at the same time, and both end up jumping in to a roll to start firing at each other. GM's bullets are stopped in part by the jewish, magnatized vest that AN wears, though one of his shots catches GM in the shoulder from long-range, throwing him off balance. AN rushes GM, spins on his head, and gives him a kick to the face. GM staggers, but brings down the handle on AN's chin. AN tumbles into GM, and they roll around as AN realises he's in love with himself.)

GM: I'm not going to die here! Honestly, that'd be pretty weak.

AN: Then you should have payed more attention on page one!

(The others manage to catch the huge loading ramp at the last minute, and are met by a great number of very heavily armed Desper-rationalisers. They all take up arms and surround them)

XXX: Rugh.

Author: Mario Jr.

~Meanwhile, on planet Hyrule~

Link: Um...

Zelda: No one said you could speak!

~Okay... back on Syntax~

Tiffa: What's going on here?

Rhade: I believe the planet's about to explode.

Tiffa: Gee, really!?

Rhade: It was bound to happen. This planet was too unstable to begin with. We're going to have to return to the Andromeda.... *presses a few buttons on his wristband* ...funny I can't seem to reach her.

Tiffa: We can't leave anyways! Not without Day!

Rhade: We have to leave Tiffa! Maybe she found another ship. Damnit! Why can't I reach her!

Tiffa: What's wrong?

Rhade: Something must've happened to Andromeda. I can't reach her. This is very bad. *looks off into the horizon* There's a ship over there! Maybe I can hack into it's teleportation system and hitch a ride.

Tiffa: No! I'm not leaving Day!

Rhade: We don't have a choice sis!

(Before Tiffa could protest, Rhade pulls Tiffa into his arm and crunches some numbers into his swristband. Instantly they teleport away and rematerialize onboard the S.S.S. Desper-prise.)

Tiffa: *pulls away* Rhade I hate you! How could you!

Rhade: We didn't have a choice. Tiffa, I--

Day: Ti-Tiffa...

(Tiffa whips around to see the pale Itoli woman who she had loved more than anything in the whole Galaxy jump out of the Rhykette-transport on the ship's ramp and run toward her. She pulls Day into a tearful bear hug.)

Tiffa: *sob* Day! I've been searching clear across the Galaxy for you!

Day: You have? I didn't think that... after I...

(Tiffa smiles and pulls out the broken necklace from her pockets. She then hands back to Day and closes her hand gently.)

Tiffa: Here. This belongs to you.

Day: Tiffa...

Rhade: Um... ladies? We seem to have a problem here. *points at the army of Deper-rationalizers still surrounding them*

Tiffa/Day: Oh.

(The Desper-rationalizers grab Rhade, Tiffa, and Day, and, for lack of a better cell, lock them in an escape pod.)

Author: Luiigii of the Pipes

N: Hold it hold it HOLD IT!

Computer: N simultaneously steps out of glowing spheres on the decks of the Scarlet Moon, the Led Zeppelin, and the Pie n' Cakes. He also steps out onto Triple-X's ship, realizes no one is there, and walks back out.

N: You whippersnappers. You all need a TIME OUT!

Computer: The four ships are placed in three separate cardboard boxes. The other two just kinda disappear.

N: Now, listen to this. ~pulls out a black book, licks his thumb, and opens it~ Space.

The Guide: Space is big. Really big. You just won't believe how vastly mind-bogglingly big it is. I mean, you may think it's a long way down the road to the chemist, but that's just peanuts to space. Listen...

N: So, can anyone tell me what you did wrong?

SteveT: We...

N: Hands!

Computer: SteveT sighs and raises his hand.

N: Miss Ivy.

SteveT: Hey!

Red Ivy: We all bothered to fly into Neko space, even though the Nekos are big jerks?

N: Close. Mr. Gravve? STOP WHISPERING THE ANSWER TO HIM, PREDIC! I SAW THAT!

Gravve: We... forgot to pick up the tab at the bistro?

N: ~sigh~ No. Mr. T?

SteveT: We all met. It's a veritable impossibility, especially when we're all in hyperdrive. None of us are equipped with improbability drives.

N: Good. So... ~pulls out paper and pen~ Just a few minor adjustments...

Computer: The three boxes appear at random points in space, dump their respective ships, and disappear. N walks back into the glowing spheres on the Scarlet Moon and Pie n' Cakes, but pauses as Straw Man bursts into the bridge of the Led Zeppelin with a pail of water.

Straw Man: Rebellious minions must be trialed by fire!

N: Excuse me, but that's water.

Straw Man: Only it's obviously fire.

N: No. Fire and water are completely different. Like black and white.

Straw Man: Black is white.

N: Now... stop being stupid.

SteveT: I tell him that daily...

N: Listen. Black is the absence of all light. White is the presence of all light. They're completely the opposite.

Straw Man: Then explain THIS!

Computer: Straw Man whips out a black light, causing everyone's white clothes to glow eerie purple.

Straw Man: This is black light.

N: No, that's A black light.

Straw Man: Made of black light.

N: But that's not...

Straw Man: White is all light, and this light is black.

N: But you...

Straw Man: So black light is white light.

N: But...

Straw Man: And black is white.

N: WOULD YOU LISTEN TO--

Straw Man: So since black is white, like we all agree now...

N: WE DON'T AGR--

Straw Man: Then we can also agree that SteveT does have a heart.

SteveT: Wait. What?

N: It's... you... black... white...

Straw Man: I wrote a sixty page paper on it. If you'll just give me a second...

N: No! NO!
...
...
...
Fine. SteveT does have a heart, just like how black is white.

SteveT: What!? You can't give in! I just--

TeevC: Hey everybody! What's happening, you beautiful people?

N: ~shrugs and walks back into the sphere~ So, black IS white. I guess. Oh, hey, a zebra crossing. Looks empt--

***

PREDIC: Excellent. That little jaunt put us almost 15 light-years ahead of schedule.

Computer: A fireball crashes against PREDIC's console.

Gravve: Didn't get rid of those Basks, though.

PREDIC: Goombas.

Gravve: Bless you. Wait... COMPUTERS DON'T SNEEZE!

PREDIC: -_-0 Gravve, I know what to do. You need to go push the door back shut and reseal it.

Gravve: But they'll hit me with their water machines!

PREDIC: Okay, stop that. Just go do it.

Computer: Gravve takes a deep breath and charges at the door. He jumps over a fireball, and a little 100pts. appears over his head. He waves it away and continues, grabs the door, and starts pulling. Slorg grabs the door harder and keeps pulling it open, while Splot gets a piece of flint from his pocket to relight his gun. Slorg starts to take the advantage, so Gravve does a Three Stooges eyepoke. Slorg tries to block, but his reflexes are like molasses. He falls back, clutching his eyes, and Gravve pulls the door for all he's worth. At the last second, Splot lights his gun, and shoots a final fireball through the crack at him. Gravve falls back screaming as PREDIC vacuum seals the door, then sprays Gravve with a fire extinguisher.

Slorg: ~urghuhhhWhatDurrrrWeughnummmuhDoNow?~

Splot: ~PullerrrughTheDoorOpennnnerughAgain.~

Computer: A trap door opens beneath Slorg and Splot, dropping them into space.

Slorg/Splot: ~Oh.~

PREDIC: Huh. Kinda wish I had done that sooner.

Gravve: ~wraps self in bandages~ Ow.

PREDIC: You'll be fine. It was just a little singe.

Gravve: I am no longer the same. The burns have changed me. I am now the Lizard Rat King. ~wraps face mysteriously~

PREDIC: Yeah. Only, no.

***

Computer: Rhykette slams on the brakes, backing off and away from the S.S.S. Desper-prise. Pigs leap out at them, but GORE-ILLA... err, Triple-X, smacks them away. Beta watches from the open air viewing deck, shaking her head.

Pig Aide: Ma'am, are you sad to see your planet and your people go?

Beta: Not at all. The other Syntaxians are still diseased. They had a year. Now they have none. I am curious why the planet hasn't disintegrated yet, though. The shaking must have started half an hour ago.

Computer: The capsule carrying Desperation and Luigi bursts out of the ground, flies around erratically, and then crashes onto the viewing deck. The door opens and Luigi and Desperation roll out.

Luigi: Beta!

Computer: Luigi runs at Beta, but pigs swarm around him. He cuts through them, but there's too many and it'll take a good minute for him to get through.

Beta: My lard, we thought you were dead.

Desperation: I was... and then this FREAK saved me! ~points to the patch on his wound~ So much for Syntax's climactic explosion...

Beta: That freak is one of the Galaxy Goers that the Darth told you to kill.

Luigi: The Darth? He--

Desperation: WHAT?! ~stabs Luigi in the chest with his trident claw~

Luigi: O.O

Beta: Wait! He's the one that the Darth told you NOT to kill!

Desperation: Dammit. Get some gauze!

Computer: Triple-X has watched the entire exchange, of course, and leaps off the Rhykette transport, landing on the deck in front of Desperation. He swings his fist forward... and punches Desperation with a human hand, which shatters.

Triple-X: Crap.

Computer: Triple-X transforms back into a human with several screeching cries. Desperation grabs him by the throat.

Desperation: I CAN kill you, though...

Computer: Yourmomwhile, Delta feels his anger rise and quickly knocks Absolutely Nothing and Sometwo Else out with three quick slams of the hilt of his sword. GM starts to protest about not getting to do anything, when Delta jumps away to the (very slowly) escaping S.S.S. Desper-prise. Rhykette drives up and transforms back into herself.

Rhykette: Oh... not good. These are Luigi's clients. Maybe we should bring them along.

GM: Bring them along WHERE?

Rhykette: Huh... good question.

GM: And where'd that chick who Delta had with him go?

Rhykette: She... got a ride. ~rockets toward the S.S.S. Desper-prise~

GM: HEY! You guys suck...

Computer: And back on the S.S.S. Desper-prise, Delta lands in front of Desperation just as the latter is about to pull Triple-X in two.

Delta: Let him go. You can kill me first.

Desperation: I just MIGHT, you dirt under fingernails!

Computer: Beta hands Desperation a pair of cutlasses as he tosses Triple-X aside. They stand and pose at each other for a bit, and then Delta leaps at Desperation as Desperation... kinda... tries to leap. Delta tries to attack, but Desperation crosses his swords and catches him, throws him down, and kicks him across the deck. Delta gets up, just in time for Desperation to combo him with three strikes and a flying finish. Desperation plods towards Delta, but a bullet hits him in the side, and he cries out, paralyzed. Delta runs up and slashes him across the chest. He looks over to where the bullet came from, to see Rhykette.

Rhykette: I'll cover you.

Computer: Delta grins and runs at Desperation. Desperation tries to attack, but Delta rolls under the strikes and slashes his back. Desperation kicks Delta away, then jumps over another shot by Rhykette. He continues to jump as everyone else takes cover, until he gets another shot at Delta. Delta tries to counterattack again, but Desperation jumps away. Delta turns and winks at Rhykette, who completely doesn't get it. Delta points to his sword, then to her lasers. Beta tries to shout a warning to Desperation, but is too late as Rhykette fires at Delta. Desperation is confused, until the laser bounces off of Delta's sword and into him. Delta's eyes flash red and he runs at Desperation, laughing. He leaps high, bringing the sword down... then sees Beta staring at him. He suddenly remembers how naturally peaceful he is and in shock throws his sword away. Desperation reaches up and stabs him, then turns and throws his other sword at Rhykette, stabbing some vital instruments before she can shoot again.

Desperation: You... you little pest... YOU BROKE MY FORCE FIELD!

Computer: Desperation grabs Delta's head in both hands and starts to squeeze. A blaster bolt flies out of nowhere, hits Desperation in the side of the head, and kills him.

Robot: ~blows smoke off her blaster~ WE. NAKED. ROBOT. WENCHES. WILL. NEVER. BE. OPPRESSED. AGAIN. ~explodes~

Beta: Hmm... what a mess. Come, legions. The S.S.S. Desper-prise will be off planet soon enough anyway. Let's leave this trash to the cold grip of vacuum once we've passed through atmos--

Computer: The S.S.S. Desper-prise crashes into Desperation's Citadel and explodes. Those on the viewing deck are thrown clear, since they were in open air, or something. Oh, and the escape pod with Tiffa, Datana, and Rhade too.

Beta: ~lands on the desert ground~ Augh! I TOLD them they were flying too low!

GM: Well well...

Beta: Oh...

Computer: GM knocks Beta out and ties her up.

GM: Well. This is great and all, but we've got four dying people and three prisoners here and we can't exactly get off planet now. AND I missed all the fighting. Jerks...

Computer: A ship drifts toward him. The ramp extends and Murasame walks out.

Murasame: You guys get lost or something? I said four hours. And then the TV exploded, so... Ah.

Computer: Murasame lands the ship, and the two of them load the rest of the passengers, then jump on themselves. The ramp starts to go up, when there is a cry, and they lower it again to see Tiffa, Datana, and Rhade crawling out of the escape pod. Rhade goes to suckerpunch Murasame and steal the ship, but Murasame steps aside and lets them on. They exchange quick glances, shrug, and bow politely as they step in and the ramp continues up. They make their way into the ship, where Rhade accidently trips on Delta's collapsed form.

Rhade: Delta?

Delta: Oh God...

Day: You guys know each other?

Rhade: You can say we were on the same team at one time.

Tiffa: Oh, you guys were athletes! ^_^

Rhade/Delta: No.

Computer: But by the ramp again...

GM: What about the Syntaxians?

Murasame: Actually, I sent a transmission to all of their cities when I realized that the shaking wasn't an earthquake. Don't worry, they've been waiting to evacuate for YEARS...

GM: Then why didn't they?

Murasame: Desperation put taxes on leaving, or something.

Computer: A transluscent globe appears over the non-Badlands part of Syntax. The uppermost part of the crust under said globe breaks off of the planet and drifts away.

GM: Expensive.

Murasame: That's why they couldn't afford the taxes.

~CGI Activated~

Computer: The Syntaxian settlements drift just a bit away from the planet. Murasame's ship rockets out of the atmosphere and makes trails for deep space. There is absolute silence. There is a ghastly noise as Syntax explodes, throwing planet chunks and a concussion wave at its satellites. The Syntaxian settlements create a globe on the bottom half of the land as well as the top, shielding it from the projectiles. Murasame's ship rocks for a bit, then bursts into hyperspace and the planet is far, far away. The Neko ship kinda sits there, as every single being on board watches through the viewports or on monitors.

Neko Captain: I TOLD you bringing the entire race was a bad idea...

***

Computer: Throughout the galaxy, moments merge.

Red Ivy stares out of her viewport at nothing, thinking nothing, until a beep awakens her and, with an almost joyous start, she watches a sword and a roll of duct tape drift across her view.

Gravve and PREDIC chatter about the benefits of milkshakes while Slorg and Splot watch the ships drift past them, trying to count their 30 seconds of breath even though they can't remember what comes after one.

In another galaxy, Depkon and Lt. Cho calculate EXACTLY when they need to stop their jump to get back to the Pie n' Cakes, and decide that their reflexes just aren't fast enough...

Straw Man grins from the captain's chair, re-entering the coordinates for the flight. Don Miguel carefully rubs brain lotion on himself, while Jorge diligently mops away. In the brig, Felix snoozes loudly. Ashley faces the wall, crying because everything, even SteveT, can change.

Slort: Hello, Ashley.

Ashley: ~looks up~ Slort! You're here!

Slort: Yes.

Ashley: Wait... you speak English?

Slort: No, you're speaking Goombeli.

Ashley: Poupru matorbi colbanim?
[I am?]

Computer: TeevC appears next to Slort, but with his face plate up to reveal Sir Steven's face.

Ashley: Nu brocuk mor bultorpin?
[What's he doing here?]

Slort: Everything is going to change.

Ashley: Kot?
[What?]

Slort: Everything is going to change.

Sir Steven: BAAAAAWCK!

Computer: And then she wakes up, and starts crying again anyway.

And finally, Murasame's ship drifts through space, destination unknown.

Murasame: The Bask and the Chozo escaped, if you were worried. I saw them fly out with a D49.

GM: We weren't.

Murasame: What do you want to do with your stowaways, then?

GM: The ones in the escape pod? Sounds like they want to tag along. We can let them for now, I suppose. ~flips on a comm~ Hey horseman, want us to swing back to Syntax and drop you off?

Delta: I'm right behind you.

GM: Oh.

Delta: My people are still sick. They need me... but I can't do them any good there. I got some information out of Beta, and apparently the only cure is some kind of lava... See, if they eat it after it's cooled.

GM: How do you know it's true?

Delta: I don't... but I have an idea that may convince Beta to be as honest with me as possible. Do we have any tea?

Murasame: Check the third cupboard in the galley. Where are the coordinates? I need to find some quiet planet to while away eternity.

Delta: 33.11.98.9

Murasame: Do you want to do anything with those other two captives of yours?

Delta: Luigi gave them the boot and demanded his money. We tried to find out why they attacked us, but they wouldn't answer. Might as well drop them off at some institution and be done with them.

Murasame: Okay.

Computer: Delta nods and leaves the cockpit. On his way to the galley, he bumps into Luigi.

Luigi: Hey, um, I never apologized. For distrusting you. It's just, your sword is...

Delta: What?

Luigi: I don't know. It reminds me of something. But you did save us, so I'm sorry.

Delta: Don't worry about it.

Luigi: Any idea where we're heading next?

Delta: Trying to get some info from Beta. She said that we can use volcanic rock dust to cure ourselves.

Luigi: Volcanoes, huh? You know, I could help you with that... for a fee, of course.

Rhykette (over comm): Hey guys... I need to pick up my paycheck. Can we stop at that nice little restaurant at the end of the universe...?

THE END

Starring...
(in order of appearance)

Luigi of the Stars
Slorg
Splot
Masamune
Lt. Cho
Empress Nefertina
Kolan
Loter
Datana
Giuseppe Masteri AKA GM
Don Miguel
Depkon
Rhykette
Captain Absolutely Nobody
Sometwo Else
Tiffa
Ashley
N
Jorge
Andromeda
Professor Smarter Than You AKA Straw Man
SteveT
Felix
Dark Ditto AKA Ditto-Tron AKA Master Ditto AKA The Darth
Triple-X
Rhade
Delta Error
Gravve
PREDIC
Professor Beta
General Nirgal
Murasame
Baron Von Desperation
General Deschel
Madame Walner
Red Ivy
and TeevC

With guest appearances by...

Slort
Atropor
Problem the Smorg
Canadian Bot
Aireon
Suiranne
Khaashar
Ukhazhar
Shadowy Figure
N-K48
N-K49
Link
Zelda
and Sir Steven

And flashback performances by...

Golem
Rhyk
Luigi of the Pipes
Vorpal
Fred
Rebe
Lucas
Becky
Lord Emperor Hungary
GM
John Masteri
and Urchin

Several pigs and cats were harmed in the making of this story. Get over it.

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