The Guz
Full Name: THE GUZ
Birthdate: Always Never Occasionally
Species: Demigod
Nationality: Ocean of Time
Creator: The Guz
First Appearance: The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA
Background[edit]
The Guz (pronounced GOOZ) is, was and will be the greatest of humanoids. Born at the end of time, in the fires that consumed the world, he quickly mastered the secrets of time travel and spent all of eternity endlessly traveling the timestream. During this process he became not only his own father, but also his own mother, brother and all of his family members. He also experienced many tragedies- such as the time he traveled back in time to stop the creation of emo music, his greatest enemy, only to wind up accidentally creating it himself.
He was actually genetically created by the top pirate scientists, led by Robert Lane (the future Bob Saget) to be the pirate god and his egg was sent to the end of time to be incubated. After being born, The Guz lazed in the ruins of the universe and all existence until he was met by Que Pasa's soul, who convinced him to restore his lfie as well as creating the universe, thus leaving the GCPA universe in a seeming cyclical loop. He also revived Skanky Siren. However, after they betrayed him by eating fruit from his chicken selects tree, he exiled them from his garden and tossed it into the Sun. Disconnected from humanity, he returned to the past to win the Pirate-Viking War for the pirates, his original function, but he eventually went out of control due to Robert Lane's corruption and began trying to take over the world, at which point Shamus McScruffy sacrificed himself to send The Guz hurtling into an apocalyptic future. He ruled over it with an iron fist, making it into his giant Guz Sandwhich pirate ship, while absorbing the remains of Stampede and Saget, until Skanky Siren destroyed him and all of existence at the same time by driving a ship containing That Krazy Dude (who was the new Mt. T) on it- as bringing Saget and Mr. T's forces together was the recipe for ending the world. Thus creating the same flames that gave birth to The Guz.
But this was not exactly the end of The Guz. His body, which was evil, fell back in time and became Robert Lane/Bob Saget. The Guzforce, the source of his powers, went closer back in time to the early 1990s and impregnated a woman who was already pregnant with Stampede, while also giving some of the Guzforce to his half-brother That Krazy Dude. Separated at birth, the former Guz relied on his extensive knowledge of firearms and adopted the alias of Stampede the Marksman. It is unknown exactly when, but he had joined the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada as the crew's marksman by the time of The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA. When they found out about his true identity as The Guz, Que Pasa and No Name started competing for his attention.
After White Panther joined the crew, Stampede initially undertook an antagonistic disposition towards her due to her animal-like qualities. He usually taunted her by calling her a "sub human" (which was the derogatory term for the animal people in Fire Emblem, ironic considering that their actual name was the Laguz). Despite this initial rivalry, Stampede found himself developing deeper and more confusing feelings for her- in his own words, "Do you ever feel like your irrational hatred for a fellow crewmate is turning into love?". By the time of the GCPA Finale, Stampede had started secretly dating White Panther while publicly pretending to continue his shunning of her. He has also been forced to struggle with responsibility, as Scruffy has appointed him his successor to the role of captain (and acting first mate following Que Pasa's departure) while Scruffy prepared to leave the crew to become president of the world.
Things took a drastic turn at Count Gonad's ball when Stampede had to use his The Guz powers publicly for the first time to save White Panther from a fire as well as Santa Claws. Aside from revealing his relationship with White Panther to all, it led to the rest of the pirate world to hail him as their savior and basically forcing him to the role of president. However, soon after taking up the position he awoke to find most of his hair (the source of his power) had been shaved off. This caused Saget's reminas to begin possessing him, and he revealed that White Panther had betrayed him, then left them both in a death trap within their own mind that Que Pasa saved them from. They then helped to rally the GCPA back together again, reconciled their differences and attacked Guz Saget, with Stampede successfully reclaiming his body and collapsing afterwards. Stampede and White Panther were left out of commission for the moment, but then they were able to restore existence after it all nearly collapsed. They then left the crew temporarily to explore and spend some time on their own.
Abilities[edit]
The Guz is capable of many godlike feats yet always fears punishment by the Big Guy if he misuses his power. Even without his divine powers, as Stampede he is a master marksman and a master of many other weapons. He is also a great artist and a bass guitar player. He sometimes showed the ability to bring his drawings to life, that devious drawing maker.
Other Versions[edit]
Bizarro Stampede, Stampede's Bizarro counterpart operating on the navy ship of the Goldendon Cheesecake, is an emo kid who whines about things like his uncreative name.
Trivia[edit]
- Stampede's name comes from an anime character, Vash the Stampede from Trigun. His real life counterpart has a poster of said character above his bed.
In Other Media[edit]
As Stampede, he appeared in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Movie: Gorilla of Fate and the music video for Mechanical Ape. In the latter he wielded a sword instead of his usual arsenal due to fears of censorship. He was also set for a major role in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Movie II: The Secret of The Guz, which, as the title suggests, was to reveal secrets about his past. Most of his scenes except for his final battles were filmed. He was also a main character of the GCPA 411 series, which would have showed his turn at turning evil if it was completed. He is played by his creator in all appearances.
Quotes[edit]
Que Pasa: Then we should join Lupine and the others looking for the skull on the ocean floor, and then we could all go after the last one together!
Stampede: Great idea, you're the best ever, man!
*Stampede notices that Que Pasa is chewing on a piece of chicken.*
Stampede: THAT WAS MY LAST CHICKEN TENDER MAN I'LL KILL YOU I HATE YOU YOU'RE THE WORST EVER, MAN!!!!
*Stampede begins strangling Que Pasa.*
Stampede: omfg We have way too many villains guys! We should throw a party for them and make some friends.
-Something that should happen in an OG one day.
*White Panther falls down towards the arena's floor, until she lands safely in Stampede's arms.*
Stampede: You okay?
White Panther: Yeah- hey that's me you're stroking, not the bass.
Stampede: I know.
White Panther: Then get your finger out of my eye.
Stampede: My bad.
-Stampede plays bass while catching White Panther, Finale Part 2