No Name
Full Name: Stryfe Name
Birthdate: A long long time ago
Species: Human
Nationality: United States of America
Creator: No Name
First Appearance: The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Prequel
Background
No Name's long and complicated past started when he was born Stryfe Name, son of the Judo Master Clyde Worthen and an unknown mother. But Clyde feared he might accidentally flip Stryfe into a wall due to the baby's intense ugliness, so Clyde put his child up for adoption. Stryfe was adopted by Dr. Lipton, some strange dude who hated Jedi Knights even though Stryfe grew to become a Jedi prodigy. But, fearing that Stryfe would fall to some prophecy or something, Lipton made a clone brother of Stryfe called Mors who turned to the Dark Side and became Darth Angello before becoming un-Darth.
Haunted by his battles with his family, Stryfe abandoned his old name, calling himself No Name, and started wandering the world endlessly until he came across the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada. After sparring to a draw with the first mate Que Pasa (starting a long-running rivalry between the two), No Name was admitted into the GCPA as the crew's resident Jedi and ugly guy during The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Prequel. He was the crew's fifth member, counting the captain and first mate. No was seperated from the crew for several years after he was captured by the Navy, but he returned in time to rejoin the GCPA on the moon during The OnGoing Adventures of the GCPA.
No Name learned to fit in with the crew, his best friend on the crew being Edwin. He is also a close worshiper of The Guz, and at one point it was said that he was Siren's sister for mere shock reasons.
The Dark Side
No Name turned evil not once, but twice over the course of several posts in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Sequel. First, when the GCPA was being attacked by Captain Duck-Hand Frzlngd and the navy, Mors convinced him to become Darth Fithica or something to repel the navy forces. But the GCPA defeated the navy with ease as usual, causing No Name to revert to his good side.
Then he turned evil again after some strange Star Wars Episode III-inspired plot involving Mors again. This time he called himself Darth Minica. All the other pirates referred to No Name's Sith identity as simply Darth Ugly, an accurate description of his abilities.
Abilities
Aside from his extreme ugliness and his horrible pun-stringing, No Name also has various Jedi abilities. No Name moreso acts as the group scientist and shows great amount of intelligence, especially compared to his comrades.
Other Versions
No Name's Bizarro counterpart is Every Name, a man who was born with every name in existence.
Trivia
In Other Media
No Name appeared in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Movie: Gorilla of Fate, which showcased his being one of the few pirates with actual intelligence. He will also be appearing in The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Movie II: The Secret of The Guz. In both productions he is portrayed by his creator, Steven Santos.
Quotes
No Name: *gives Cap a hammer* Hold this while I nail your wife!
Stampede: Eh No Name, it wasn't bad. But it wasn't good. I'll give you a 3.5 of 5.
No Name: Thanks.
That Krazy Dude: I'll give you a 3 out of potato salad.
-An exchange from Sausage Fest '08
Jebus: This guy sure has balls to try capturing you guys.
No Name: Hey! *points menacingly* If anyone is gonna make puns...ITS ME!
-The Ice-Negger Cometh
"And this is what I have to say!" *grabs wine bottles and cracks against head* "The blood gives it an extra zest."
-Bronze Cobra Conspiracy, Chapter II.