Bob Saget
Full Name: Robert Lane Saget
Birthdate: May 17, 1956
Species: Human
Nationality: United States of America
Creator: Mr. and Mrs. Saget
First Appearance: The OnGoing Adventures of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada
Background[edit]
Bob Saget, a seemingly innocent actor, was actually the embodiment of pure evil. His origins are unknown, but early records associate him with a "Captain Robert Lane" who was active during the Pirate-Viking Wars and was instrumental in Project The Guz. This led him to become the Sith Lord Darth Tang and inject himself with telemarketer DNA to enhance his powers after making a pact with the demon Saget which granted him his eyes of incredible creepiness. At one point he was a friend of Mr. Feeny, but the two's conflicting philosophies (Saget wanting pirates to rule the universe while Feeny wanted peace between pirates and other people) formed a rift in their friendship. From his base on the moon, he started injecting various random celebrities with telemarketer DNA to create a whole army for him. Over the years he has also sought an apprentice.
First he found the dying Morgorrrn in the GCPA Prequel, and saved him, putting him in a cyborg body and calling him Darth Bamboozle. He then brought in Count Gonad as his Darth Testicus, but Gonad was just a placeholder until he could find the apprentice of his dreams- That Krazy Dude of the Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada. Clashing indirectly with the GCPA several times, That Krazy Dude eventually chose to train under Saget as Darth Moose. But That Krazy Dude eventually betrayed Saget to help his friends. After an explosive final battle, Captain Monkeyman Scruffy delivered the fatal blow to Saget, destroying him, but from his remains sprung a tornado that tossed the pirates across the galaxy.
In The Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Sequel, Saget was revealed to have had yet another, even more powerful apprentice- who was ultimately revealed to be Eugene Levy. Although Bob Saget has seemingly died for good, there have been various attempts at resurrection, and several Bob Saget clones remain as mindless shells of their former selves. Probably the most notable resurrection was in Sausage Fest '05, as it was the first successful one, where he was revived by a team of various GCPA enemies with a sample of Scruffy's blood.
Bob Saget was revived, seemingly for good in The Semi-Last Stand. It turned out that years ago, when a young Preadolescent Siren flashed him and Mr. Feeny, her pirate powers absorbed a piece of Saget's soul. Years later, when Siren became Dark Siren and her dormant powers returned, that piece of Bob Saget's soul was freed and able to revive himself. He assembled a Brotherhood of Evil Pirates Who Think They're Doing Good and led a raid on Lipton Island to destroy the pirate cure. After a long battle, Bob Saget was defeated when he was injected by the pirate cure, but the ending suggested he still retained his pirate powers.
He later made a deal with the Viking King in the 2006 Christmas special although presumably this alliance was foiled in the unfinished Golden Cheesecake Pirate Armada Movie II: The Secret of The Guz.
Saget once more comes back in T-Ventures, which arbitrarily takes place in the Good Timeline (but for the most part takes place in every and no timeline). Spoiling for revenge from his last fight, Saget managed to find a way to tap into Party Energy to increase his power. His strength has been augmented by a new kind of armor to not only increase his strength, but to allow him and Mr. T to face one another at last. However when Mr. T finally did encounter him, Saget had absorbed so much Party Energy that he easily defeated Mr. T and three of his companions - Wagolem, Glem, and Cat. In order to achieve ultimate power, he sent his minions to find specific people with the most party energy in any planet, time period, or universe.
Although that story is unfinished, the GCPA Finale shows that this battle had left Saget's body in a near-death state, hooked up to some doohickey in a creepy underground chamber (his condition being a tri-parody of Pain from Naruto, Darkseid during Final Crisis and Voldemort in the first Harry Potter books). He has split his soul and stored the pieces of it in his six whorecruxes, who are all former Full House members, while keeping one piece for himself and sending them out to do his bidding. During the GCPA Finale he engages his final master plan. Mr. T is subduded by the whorecruxes and petrified, although he takes down a few of them in the process. Count Gonad also captured Bob Saget's body to use as leverage to take control of the pirate world. The whorecruxes later attacked Gonad's ball with the Vikings to liberate Saget's body, but the whorecruxes were wiped out by members of the GCPA.
In the deep chamber where Saget was kept, Que Pasa arrived to face off with him. He was able to destroy the last piece of Saget by firing a piece of gold from Mr. T's chain at him, although in his dying moments he released eye lasers, his version of the Omega Effect that eventually pierced Que Pasa's heart. His destruction caused a tear in the plot which sucked up Que Pasa's body after he was blasted. Whether or not this is truly Saget's final end remains to be seen.
Abilities[edit]
Bob Saget's most deadliest trait is his creepy eyes, which freeze anyone who looks into them in place with sheer terror (but they were shattered after he got a close-up view of Skanky Siren). His telemarketer DNA also greatly enhanced his powers and given him regenerative properties. That, combined with his Force powers, makes him one of the deadliest beings in the universe.
Trivia[edit]
- The Saget phenomenon originated in a chat involving Golem, GORE-ILLA and Gamefreak.
- I also just noticed an unconscious hint of Darth Tang being Bob Saget: Darth Tang has the same initials as Danny Tanner, the character he plays in Full House.
- Member OG spoiler warning:
- Saget is eerily similar to Akujin of the Member OG series. Both serve as the main villain for the protagonists for quite some time. Telemarketer DNA = Fusion blood. Eyes of extreme creepiness=Akujin Eye, Akujin's third eye. America's Funniest Home Videos = Big Bang. He seems to die but he comes back to life many times.
- However, it may help to note that deleting the Mr. Feeny entry and completely rewriting it provides an even better comparison. You could put in there something like, "Mr. Feeny is the earth elemental warrior and has the Metal Gauntlet. He has powers to control and manipulate metal. His li'l friend is named Jim."
Other Appearances[edit]
- A monstrous Space Saget (designed by Tyler) briefly appears in Picture OG.
- He is randomly mentioned in some OGs.
- In Caldor and Tennis, he appears as the leader of a bike gang and a rival with Pilot Light for the love of Weekday.
Quotes[edit]
"Oh, and Lord Moose? You're fired." -Bob Saget as he tortures his former apprentice.
"Certainly you did not think that victory was so simple to obtain! I am Bob Saget! Future ruler of this universe! And I cannot be stopped. I have the persistence of a telemarketer, the limitless power of the dark side and the eyes of extreme creepiness! I cannot be vanquished so easily, as you shall very soon see!"
"That's it. Look into my eyes, and your soul will be lost forever..."